Oh, how wonderful! 1999 has brought us yet another treat in the form of a movie from the Disney Renaissance, the delightful era that birthed such classics as "The Little Mermaid, "Beauty and the Beast" and "The Lion King." How sweet they are, with their singing animals, dancing inanimate objects and overall sense of wonder! I can't wait to see which one we get to--

Oh, it's "Tarzan." We got "Tarzan?" You know, Me, Tarzan, You Jane "Tarzan?" The one where the characters don't sing. Or dance. Where it all takes place on basically one beach. The one with the Phil Collins' song that beat Aimee Mann for Best Original Song!? That's the one we get?!

Well, we'll be damned if Emily Morris (21 Laps) didn't come on and defend the shit out of her beloved Ape-man and his rock-hard abs. And we'll be further damned if she didn't get Phil and Kenny to see beyond the lack of theme park-ready set pieces and find a warm, tender, beautiful and sad movie at its core.

Sometimes you open a present and it's not what you want, but it's what you need. And, maybe in 1999, the world needed "Tarzan."

Or maybe it needed "Toy Story 2," but we'll get there eventually.

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