“We have to belong to ourselves as much as we need to belong to others. Any belonging that asks us to betray ourselves is not true belonging.” — Brene Brown, Atlas of the Heart

Belonging is the key to intimate friendships. Never once have I felt the need to change myself or be someone else around Amy, Tom, or Hailey. I’ve always been able to be authentically received by them.

Who is your support team? Who are the people who know how to hold you (metaphorically and physically) when you’re having a tough day? When you’re experiencing shame? Not enough-ness? Guilt? Anger? Grief?

It took me a long time to find these people and cultivate what we have, but here is a 3 Part Series with my support team and a peek behind the curtain into what our conversations look like (via phone because they all live outside MN).

So many clients ask me: “How do I cultivate intimate friendships?” In a society wrought with fears and securities, it’s so hard to trust anyone. It’s hard to create a foundation of safety. Both parties need to be willing to take the risk and both parties need to be open and willing to hear how the other person wants to be loved.

In this 3 Part Series, we talk to my 3 close friends — Tom, Amy, Hailey —  checking in about the state of our friendship. What’s working? What’s not? What’s hard? What’s easy? They are raw recordings containing laughter, vulnerability, compassion, and love. We are all showing up with a lot of trust in these interviews. If you need a glimpse into hard and fulfilling relationship conversations, please listen.

Part 1 with Tom:

In this episode, we discuss our rift in friendship over time — we questioned why friendships of the opposite gender experience distance when a new dating perspective comes into play. We talk about our college experience and how our friendship developed due to close proximity and collaboration in art projects. We also talk about why this friendship is important and what we’d like to see for ourselves in the future.

Part 2 with Hailey:

In this episode, Hailey and I talk about female friendships of our past — what worked and what didn’t — recognizing that a lot of those friendships were centered around drama. We revisit a very hard conversation and disagreement about vaccines to showcase how to hold both compassion (and understanding) and disagreement in both hands lovingly. We close out with what we love about our friendship and what improvement can be made.

Hailey and I co-peer a support group every other Sunday called “Anxious Attached Hearts Club” for those with anxious attachment who need a place to work it out and find more security in their community.

Part 3 with Amy:

In this episode, you’ll see what a 12 year friendship looks like. I met Amy in college, so we discuss the early years of our friendship, getting to know each other, how we are both control freaks, how I tried to rescue Amy often in college (especially in her relationships). We discuss the ways in which we feel supported by each other — what we go to each other for. We’ll discuss the areas in which we can step up our friendship and define what vulnerability and intimacy means for us in our friendship. We end with some sentiments and a conversation on trust.

Interested in working with a Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach? Apply for 1on1 or couples coaching with me: www.ellenmelon.com/intimacy-coaching

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Links we talked about:

1on1 coaching: www.ellenmelon.com/1on1

PARTS 1:

https://tohumpapillow.libsyn.com/51-how-to-intimacy-and-vulnerability-in-friendships-with-dear-friend-tom-wixo-part-1-of-3

PART 2:

https://tohumpapillow.libsyn.com/52-how-to-do-intimacy-and-vulnerability-in-friendships-with-best-friend-hailey-hosler-part-2-of-3

PART 3:

https://tohumpapillow.libsyn.com/53-how-to-do-intimacy-and-vulnerability-in-friendships-with-best-friend-amy-edler-part-3-of-3