This special episode is a little different than usual! Last week, I did a live call to answer the massive backlog of listener questions from the podcast, and this episode is a recording of that call. If you’ve ever submitted a question, tune in since I might have answered yours directly. And if you haven’t, I’m going over such a broad range of questions that you’ll still find something relevant to you. So settle in with a cup of tea, and enjoy!

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #96:

• There are themes in the boundary-related questions that I’ve gotten over the years. One example is that somebody in your life is doing (or not doing) something that really bothers you, or that you’re doing something that really bothers another person and you’re struggling to accept their reaction. Another theme that comes up is what to do if someone you know has a specific condition or diagnosis.
• During this episode (and beyond!), listen for what you can relate to, and how my answer can apply to your unique situation.
• If someone isn’t making a request directly, it’s not really a request. “You should take the garbage out” is an opinion, not a request.
• It’s a boundary violation to insist on having your way with another person’s body. This applies to sexual relationships with your partner. Maybe less obviously, it also applies to interactions with children, who should have the right to refuse an unwanted hug or touch.

 

Highlights from Episode #96:

• Welcome to this episode, which will be a little different! [00:39]
• Vicki lists some ways you can get your question answered in the future. She then talks about the themes she gets in questions about boundaries. [04:25]
• We hear some quick tips on how to handle the common themes that Vicki has just discussed, starting with what to do when someone is doing something that bothers you. [11:49]
• Vicki moves onto the second category: something you’re doing (or not) that bothers someone else. She then talks about the third theme: dealing with conditions or diagnoses. [16:20]
• Vicki lists the specific categories of topics that she’ll talk about today. [19:40]
• Today’s first question is about a social invitation during the pandemic. [20:39]
• Vicki points out that every person who owns or controls a space has a right to decide how someone shows up in that space. [27:49]
• We move onto dealing with questions around long-term relationships and marriage. The first question comes from someone with a sensitive spouse who makes many requests. [30:35]
• The next question about long-term relationships involves narcissistic partners. [39:48]
• Vicki shares the next question, which comes from a highly accomplished listener who wants advice on having a business with a romantic partner. [42:55]
• We hear a question about physical and sexual boundaries. [47:34]
• Vicki goes over a few questions with very quick answers. The first comes from a listener who has strong negative reactions to requests from strangers. [53:49]
• The next quick-answer question involves a partner who has broken boundaries in the past. [57:43]
• Vicki tackles a controversial topic: boundaries related to race and culture. [62:05]
• We hear a question from another culture about men being held responsible for how their wives look or dress. [68:33]
• What do you do when somebody is upset with you? Today’s question on this theme involves a disagreement between friends. [72:00]
• Vicki moves onto discussing a question about teaching boundaries to children. [76:00]
• The next question is about adult children setting boundaries with parents. [81:59]
• Vicki wraps things up by taking a moment to thank listeners. [87:34]

Links and Resources:

• Vicki Tidwell Palmer
• Moving Beyond Betrayal by Vicki Tidwell Palmer
• 5-Step Boundary Solution Clarifier
• Vicki Tidwell Palmer on Instagram
• Clarity Circle Replay
• Beyond Bitchy Podcast | Episode #87 – How COVID-19 is Giving Us a Master Class on Boundaries (Part 2)
• Beyond Bitchy Podcast | Episode #37 – The Listening Boundary Part I
• Beyond Bitchy Podcast | Episode #81 – Diagnostic Distractions: When Someone You Love is NPD, MEM, ADHD, Bi-Polar, etc.
• Beyond Bitchy Podcast | Episode #64 – Boundaries Quick Tips #9: Is Sex a “Need” Your Partner Must Fulfill for You?
• Beyond Bitchy Podcast | Episode #95 – Don’t Bite the Bait! How to Respond When You’re Feeling Baited