A Way Beyond the Rainbow

In our third and last part of the three-episode series on hardships, trials and tribulations, we talk about how trials and hardships purify us, the rewards hidden in them and how challenges in life lead to self-improvement and the development of gratitude and contentment. We end this series of episodes by synthesizing all themes discussed and reflecting on the story of Prophet Yusuf/Joseph (PBUH).

How does pain purify us and bring us back to Allah? What is the difference between bearing things, being patient and being content and happy with tribulations? And how is the story of Yusuf (PBUH) a beacon of light for people struggling with SSA? These and other questions are discussed in this episode.

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We continue with our three-episode series on hardships, trials and tribulations, and in this second part, we talk about how struggles bring about sincerity, humility and patient forbearance, as well as many rewards from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. We also explore the notion, "With every hardship comes ease", as we present glimpses from the lives of Moses, Maryam and Asiyah, may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon them all, and contextualize our struggle with SSA in relation to these profound themes.

How are trials and tribulations a sign of Allah's love, and how do they teach us patience, humility and sincerity? Does Allah give us painful trials that we cannot bear? And why is it that, when Asiyah the wife of Pharaoh was being brutally tortured by her husband, she began to smile? These and other questions are discussed in this episode.

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My friend Aadam joins me in a three-episode series where we discuss hardships, trials and tribulations and contextualize our struggle with SSA in the larger scheme of things. In this episode, we talk about the problem of evil and suffering, the story of Moses (PBUH) and Al-Khidr, the story of Ayyub (PBUH) and his wife, and how everything in life is a test from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.

Why do "bad things" happen to "good people"? Why are we tested? Can things that appear as "bad" conceal "good" things in them? These and other questions are discussed in this episode.

References mentioned in this episode:
- "Trials and Tribulations: Wisdom and Benefits" by al-Imam al-'Izz bin 'Abdi-s-Salam
- "17 Benefits of Tribulation" lecture by Sh. Hamza Yusuf
- "Reclaim Your Heart" by Yasmin Mogahed

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With this episode, we begin a series of episodes tackling spiritual aspects relevant to struggles, trials and tribulations. We explore together what many of us have been through, or are still going through, namely, what seems to be "layers of darkness within an unfathomable sea", and our search for Light. 

The episode is based on Surat al-Fatiha, The Opener and Inaugurator of the Qur'an, and it is an invitation to let go of one's anger, baggage and preconceived notions for a tiny amount of time and to see Allah through Allah, as He describes Himself, subhanahu wa ta'ala, in this foundational surah.

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In this season 2 premiere, I address some of the questions and comments received and misconceptions that arose with regards to topics addressed in season 1 of the podcast, inviting everyone to pause, rewind and hit play, both literally and spiritually.

Do we all fit the trauma-based models? Does therapy work for everyone? What is meant by "healing" in the context of SSA, and is there any such thing to begin with? And most importantly, who is in charge of your life, choices and decisions? These and other questions are explored in this episode.

Links to resources mentioned on sexual identity therapy (SIT):
- "Sexual Identity Therapy is Not Reparative Therapy" blog post by Warren Throckmorton
- "Understanding Sexual Identity Therapy" blog post by Mark Yarhouse
- "Sexual identity therapy: Practice framework for managing sexual identity conflicts" by Warren Throckmorton, Ph.D, and Mark A. Yarhouse, Psy.D. 

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In this season finale, Mr. Richard Cohen, author of Coming Out Straight: Understanding Same-Sex Attraction joins me in an intense yet heartwarming discussion of the four areas and four stages of healing that he outlines in his book, as part of a comprehensive and holistic plan to healing and growth. We dissect, in details, the different stages from grounding and transitioning to healing homo- and hetero-emotional wounds, in line with the the psychology of SSA covered in previous episodes. We also address commonly-asked questions towards the end of the episode, with some uplifting messages from Richard to men and women with SSA, as well as parents and family members. A very rewarding and humbling talk, not to be missed!

Links to resources mentioned in the episode:

- Coming Out Straight: Understanding Same-Sex Attraction by Richard Cohen
- TED Talk: "The Great Porn Experiment" by Gary Wilson
- Recovery of Your Inner Child by Lucia Capacchione
- Positive Approaches to Healthy Sexuality Organization
- Ten Days to Self-Esteem by David Burns
- Joel 2:25 Organization
- Time, Touch and Talk Organization
- Straight Struggle Discord Platform

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In this episode, Mr. Michael Gasparro from Dr. Nicolosi's Breakthrough Clinic joins me to talk about reintegrative therapy. We discuss cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), body work, how to navigate the gray zone and the scenario preceding the homosexual enactment, as well as grief work and the reintegrative therapy protocol. Would therapy help me address my same-sex attractions? How different is reintegrative therapy from what is known nowadays as conversion therapy? What resources are available for me online to access therapy? We examine these and other questions in this episode.

Links to resources mentioned in the episode:
- Reintegrative Therapy Association
- The Reintegrative Protocol
- The Breakthrough Clinic
- The International Federation for Therapeutic and Counseling Choice (IFTCC)
- Alliance for Therapeutic Choice
- "Free to Love" Documentary

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In this episode, we tackle the origins, development and characteristics of female same-sex attractions (SSA). We dive again into childhood family dynamics, defensive detachment, gender non-conformity, trauma and sexual abuse, as well as poor peer relations and body image. We explore together dynamics of female-female relationships and discuss emotional dependency and enmeshment. How similar and different are male SSA and female SSA? What are the four profiles of women with SSA? How do attachments, high emotionality and dependency manifest themselves in the lives of women with SSA? We will explore these and other questions in this episode.

*General trigger warning: Episode may evoke painful memories and emotional reactions. Also, the topic of childhood sexual abuse is discussed in this episode.*

Links to resources mentioned in the episode:
- Janelle Hallman's "The Heart of Female Same-Sex Attraction: A Comprehensive Counseling Resource" 

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In this episode, my friend Fares and I discuss characteristics and experiences common to men and women experiencing same-sex attractions (SSA). We revisit shame and discuss anticipatory shame, and we explain some of the psychological defenses that we exhibit, mainly false selves and narcissistic thoughts and behaviors. We also dissect the notion of homosexuality being a repetition compulsion and tie it to addictions, and we look into some of the inherent deficits of homosexual relationships. Finally, we end by introducing the notions of grief work and the importance of vulnerability and assertion in resolving the repetition compulsion. What are examples of the false self? How are shame and narcissism tied together? What's the difference between distortions and illusions and how do they control our thinking? What triggers me to act out sexually, and what's the road to healing? We examine these and other questions in this episode.

Some extra and relevant resources:
- Stand4Truth Summit panel presentations with Robert Vazzo and David Pickup
- Coffee with Karim Podcast episode 69: "Are You a Narcissist?"
- Same-sex sexuality and psychiatric disorders in the second Netherlands Mental Health Survey and Incidence Study (NEMESIS-2)
- Sexual practices among patients with borderline personality disorder

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