AIN'T THAT SWELL

Olympian, 12-time CT Champion, Aussie Battler Icon and undisputed Swellian Queen Sally Fitzgibbons knows exactly what it's like to take on angry Goats at the Rippy Woz Finals having been there this time last year. So open your earhole and pour in her sweet nectar, cause Our Sal has got the goods on how this thing is gonna play outt!

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Last year the little-known battler mongrel icon Morgan Cibilic created history by becoming the first Aussie bloke to fight it out for a World Title at the entirely new single-day surf-off format at Rip Curl WSL Finals at Lower Trestles. Although he went down first heat to Conner Coffin, he done us heaps proud ay, and he's in a rarified position to know exactly what Ethan Ewing and Jack Robinson will be faced with as they enter finals week for the first time in their careers. So, what are the things to look out for, the dos and don'ts, and how can they take it that little bit further and bring a championship back to the land of ibis's and wheelie bins?

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We're only a week out and the Rippy Woz Finals Ramp Up has begun! Cop this: the 2012 World Champ and Pipeline Master Joel Les Parkinson reckons we're heading for an all-Aussie quinella. FARKEN BEWDY OR WHAT?!! Soak it in Swellians, if anyone knows... Parko's nose.

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Oli Firth was arrested on his way to Margaret River with 35 grams of psilocibin mushrooms.  He spent three months in Broken Hill prison, better known as NSW's 'punishment prison,' where he met Murray Cook (Warumpi Band/Midnight Oil) and the seeds of Couch Wizard - one of Smivvy's favourite bands - were sewn. 

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Ain't That Swell's favourite son and Cronulla-born, core lord, cone fiend extraordinaire, Connor O'Leary, recounts his mondo pit fest at maxing Chopes against the Greatest of All Time, Kelly Slater, Miguel Pupo's win, what the Aussie Onion learned from the Brazilian Storm, plus a review of his 2022 World Tour season.  

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The 43 year old North Narrabeen former World Tour icon reflects on his landmark performance at the Outer Known Tahiti Pro. 

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Who stood tall and who capitulated when Joppo turned on the Jesus Juice? Smiv and Deadly head to the End of the Road to comprehensively dissect the heroism, hmaaadness and mondo corn-rinsing pack-fest that was the final CT event of the regular Woz season. Verdict? SHART! SHART everywhere! An all-time cone off spectacular right here at the home of Pure Tour Nerdism!

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Before we consider the ramifications of the year’s final CT event, shouldn’t we consider the audience growth potential of Tandem Surfing’s inclusion at the next Olympics? Shouldn’t we pontificate on the possibility of Kelly Slater replacing one of our beloved Woz commentator’s for next year’s broadcasts? And don’t we owe it to ourselves to explore what happened to CJ Hobgood when he entered the multi-verse of madness via a glitch cone in 2010 only to find himself in Maurice Cole’s rave cave? The answer to all the above is YES and the two-time Gold Cone Piece winner and his Goon mate have already purchased two-for-one priced shovels from Bunnings and are breaking dirt as we speak to get to the bottom of all this and more. Eureka cunts, it’s a Swellian classic!

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Steph Gilmore, Griffin Colapinto and Kanoa Igarashi are all on the qualification bubble for the Rippy Woz World Titles at Trestles, but will the Outerknown Tahiti Pro deliver them the opportunity of a lifetime, or shatter their dreams into a million little pieces? Former-CT-Aussie-icon-turned-Supercoach Tom Whitaker is the sporting shaman to see them through the biggest contest of the year so far. Find out how they're preparing and what he's doing to get them in the zen zone. 

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With all eyes on Chopes and the Battle for Rippy Woz Finals qualification, we speak with the 2012 World Champ, 2012 Pipe Master and 2012 Tahiti Pro Runner-up Joel Les Parkinson to give us his insights on how things are gonna play out. Flip the muesli bar, open your ears and poor in that sweet nasally nectar!

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