1- Don’t bomb Syria. Save it for me.
2- Real Presidents drop bombs.
3- Coming to a Holocaust Center near you.
4- United: You paid for a seat, the police beatings are free.
5- Supreme Court Justice thanks the Senate. Now we know who you are.
6- Obama forcing Trump to play golf repeatedly at our expense. Trump knows who we are.

1- UNC is #1!
2- School is like UBER, so you can’t go.
3- My bible says, "Go Nuclear."
4- I’ll hunt you in your sleep when it's safe.
5- In the long run, would you like to be shot, stabbed, or beaten?
6- No, Rachel, you’re not Nigerian either.

1- You sick people are not Making America Great.
2- I’ll investigate, if its ok with you, boss.
3- Hey, Tomi, turns out they hate women too. Who knew?!
4- No leggings except on supermodels.
5- Our bad service is better than your bad service.
6- Everything great in 7.1 seconds.
7- Vegas, baby, Vegas! Get the handcuffs.
8- Swipe right for NBA.

1- Can’t shake with little hands.
2- Treason? Don’t worry, I got a Supreme Court guy.
3- We’re moving on in.
4- I got a little Texas in me.
5- Artificial Intelligence is sexy.

1- Sorry about Trump... That’s False.
2- You’re Fired.
3– Captain Obvious. Hey, I’m in jail.
4- Get Out, King Kong.
5- Billion Dollar bracket.
6- Customer is king.

1- Trump behaved...
2- Well... for 2 days then Obama tapped something.
3- Who didn’t talk to Russia?!
4- Ben Carson: Now my day is ruined.
5- Repeal healthcare, my day is worse.
6- Burlington was nice.
7- In my country, Glock equals confidence.
8- Did I mention that asshole Ben Carson?

1- Great show I didn’t see.
2- Gary from Chicago is da man.
3- I wouldn't do dinner and neither will he.
4- You don’t agree.
5- What level is your racism?
6- I agree with W.
7- Shaqtin' a fool.

1- Everyone’s protesting, No one is listening.
2- You get what you vote for.
3- Sweden’s fake attack not covered by real news.
4- Don’t listen to my boss.
5- NBA protests against Defense.
6- Spring training, HOPE.
7- John Wick vs Jason Bourne

1- Who you calling illegal?!
2- Chicken costs how much?
3- 2 Sessions.
4- Publik Skools in trouble.
5- You weren’t gonna drink that water were you?
6- We’re all on TV.
7- I am not Atlanta.
8- Goodbye, Al Jarreau. Thank You.

1- Jazz meets Country in Mexico.
2- Trump news again.
3- Pray for me.
4- Frederick Douglas saves victims of Bowling Green Massacre.
5- Go Falcons!