Sexuality is SO much more than we think it is, and all of us have been undereducated about it - which really pisses me off. When I went to outpatient treatment for my weed addiction, the program covered a module in sexuality from the book, “Helping Women Recover - A Program For Treating Addiction” written by Stephanie Covington.
Her definition of healthy adult sexuality is: the physical, emotional, social and spiritual part of ourselves integrated into our identities and ways of living. It includes our perceptions and feelings about ourselves as women, and our perceptions and feelings about others. It involves how we act and with whom we act. Our sexuality reflects our energy, our life force. So sexuality is not just about having sex, but it involves many aspects of ourselves. Even if you are not sexually active right now, this is still an important area of life to explore.
When I read that, I was mind blown. I don’t know about you but I thought sexuality was just about our sex life. A lot of us were raised in families with multiple problems, and we did not receive appropriate or adequate sex education. Now, most of us learn about sex and how to express ourselves in that way from porn or podcasts like Call Her Daddy. Porn and some of these podcasts are just one sliver of what sex/sexuality encompasses, and in my opinion, is the farthest thing from the truth of what sex and intimacy actually is.
Sex is not meant to be a performance. It is a Sexual Energy eXchange. But because we have been so misinformed, a lot of us carry a heavy load of shame and confusion. Shame from masturbating as a little girl. Shame from our black out hookups. Confusion and embarrassment because we don’t even know what our sexual desires entail. So, sorry not sorry to let you down if this is what you were hoping for, but this episode doesn’t have the answers for how to have better sex or how to be fully confident in your sexuality. This episode is me being raw as fuuuuck about my shameful childhood memories, the insecurities I struggle with inside and outside the bedroom, and my hope is that it helps you feel less alone in some of the shame, embarrassment, confusion, or isolation you’ve felt.
Xoxo V
Timestamps
2:54 sexuality is so much more than we think it is
9:31 angel message 123
14:48 what we’re taught vs what intimacy really is
20:46 sexual shame memories as a little girl
26:08 I’m afraid of kink, dirty talk, and initiating sex
32:08 we were taught that sex is a performance
39:51 where I want to be in my sexuality
45:22 distracting myself with love to avoid pain
48:54 I am the love I seek
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Intro & Outro Music: Song: INOSSI - Somewhere Music provided by Vlog No Copyright Music. Creative Commons - Attribution 3.0 Unported
Video Link: https://youtu.be/mLCOYxcsR5A
