Anything But Vanilla Podcast

To our loving listeners, thank you for your patience while we took a far too long hiatus. But, we are back baby!!!!!! It’s the same old podcast, with some new things a shaking. We hope you enjoy listening to it as much as we enjoyed recording it. 

Welcome in to episode 95, where we are back to having a third cohost (welcome in to the pod Kristene) and hating on things left and right, in usual ABV style. This podcast has everything you like and remember, rose and thorn, carefully curated news stories (LOL) and some new things you are going to love…say hello to our new segment, "Am I The Asshole?" Shit the ladies like this week includes beauty, TV and a local Sac spot.  Lastly, this weeks hater is brought to you by... youth recreational soccer. Are you surprised?

Paloma Squirter
Fresh squeezed Grapefruit Juice
Tequila to your preference e of consumption
Squirt floater
Squeeze lime juice
Salted rim

Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?

Find us @abvpodcast on insta

Dear sweet listeners, we know, deep down, you didn't believe we would actually follow through with this and record another episode, did ya now? BUT HERE WE FUCKIN ARE! Per usual, we get a little sloppy, laugh a lot, max out our mic volume and thoroughly enjoy ourselves. 

Welcome in to episode 94, where the ladies are really hitting their stride, reliving some glorious memories and drinking as much as we can. The gals this week share their roses and thorns over the past few weeks (kids, travel, nightmare periods and awful, awful people). News this week gets the girls wondering how much they would need to be paid to give up their seats on an oversold flight? Shocker, it's not much. Advice this week has the ladies talking about money in relationships. If you give your partner a loan when you are together, how do you get that money back when you break up? Survey says, you might need to crack some skulls (JKJKJK, but not). Ask Us Anything this week is VEGAS themed. The ladies love them some Vegas time and will gladly share their favorite memories from sin city.  Shit the ladies like this week includes permanent jewelry (Claire is hopefully having a pop up at Happy Hour) and Trader Joes cheap ass face masks! Lastly, this weeks hater is brought to you by a bitch ass Tim Allen... sit down, son. 

The Drink With A Five Minute Narrative
Couple shots of Blanco Tequila
Splash of club soda
Muddled oranges
Pour over ice

Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?

Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter 

Dear, sweet, kind, loving, caring listeners. We missed you. You missed us. Let’s make this a regular thing again, ok?

Welcome in to episode 93, where you don’t call it a comeback, until we get a few episodes back under our belts. The gals this week share their roses and thorns over the past whole damn year and let them tell you, a lot has changed, but not much has changed either (Claire is doing exciting shit and Fran is still complaining about sick kids). News this week is intentionally lighter as the world is quite the heavy, shitty place at the moment (we see you professional blunt rollers of the world). A listener wrote to the ladies asking about once in a lifetime, spectacular sex. Can it happen again? We think so. Ask Us Anything has the gals going down memory lane with their favorite summer memories. Let’s get nostalgic.  Shit the ladies like this week includes TV recs and sacramento bars.  Lastly, this weeks hater is brought to you by politicians. They are all awful. 

We Thought It Would Be Better
Muddle Raspberries
Juice several lemons
Pour everything into a cup and let the vodka steep for a bit.
Shake and add Prosecco
Drink At Your Own Risk

Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?

Find us @abvpodcast on insta.

Dear listeners, will we ever get our shit together? Will we ever come out with an episode on time again? Will we ever have a recording schedule? Will we ever have an intro that makes sense? Will our sound ever be great? The answer is not. No homies, no we will never have it together. 

Welcome in to episode 92, where Fran is questioning the sincerity of Claire’s new drink for the pod and Claire swearing that she made it for her true #1. The hosts week in review brings the roses (Claire got boujee in a suite for an A’s vs. Red Sox game and Fran had a hot mess of time at a rock climbing gym with she and Claire’s kids, but learned a gem of a lesson) and thorns (Fran’s poor baby was so sick and she had a traumatizing constipation experience with him and Claire has no thorns… ain’t she lucky). News this week is coming at us with the ultimate hoodwink on the ex president of the NRA from parkland parents and the new spelling bee champ who is a freaking impressive powerhouse and also a Guinness World record holder. Suffice to say we love and adore her.) A listener wrote to the ladies asking wether or not it would be ok to buy her step daughter a vibrator, per her request. Is she crossing a line if she buys it for her without her bio moms permission? The hosts are divided. Ask Us Anything has the gals going down memory lane with their favorite 90’s movie, songs and bands. Shit the ladies like this week includes a bomb summer popsicle from trader joes and some incredible resin art from an artist Claire has been following for quite some time.  Lastly, this weeks hater is brought to you by a  Karen coming for Fran when she was breast feeding in public. Mind your own bishhhhhhhh.  

Claire’s Comeback Drink AKA The Lady In Red
Muddle Blackberries and mint
Juice several lemons
Pour everything into a cup with vodka and let it steep for a bit.
Add ice and soda water

Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?

Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter 

You know we like to keep you on your toes, dearest and loyalist of listeners. That being said, why be consistent with our episode output when we can randomly record and spring some audio content upon you at random? You are welcome, by the way, for this lovely little, three weeks late, surprise episode. 

Welcome in to episode 91, where the ladies are talking about all sorts of things, from teaching children body consent, to the Chris Harrison payout to Claire’s love of prescribed medication. Honestly, this podcast has fucking everything. The hosts week in review brings the roses (Claire has a reverse Erica redemption Rose and Torn from her sons first ever summer camp and Fran got to start working with teens again and she is really enjoying it) and thorns (Fran’s dog of 10 years, Sachi, has some major dog anxiety and Claire is advocating for her rehoming due to stress). News this week is coming at us from the first active NFL player to come out publicly (WE CELEBRATE YOU CARL NASSIB) and Chris Harrisons bachelor payout.  A listener wrote to ask asking for advice about her children not wanting to hug her her parents. Should she continue to teach her children body autonomy or succumb to grandparent guilt? Shit the ladies like this week includes a fun, and nostalgic local sacramento instagram account and the KUWTK reunion.  Lastly, this weeks hater is brought to you by an estranged father in Virginia and his bad behavior… need we say more? 

Katrina’s Drink Rec
Watermelon
Rosemary 
Lemon
Frozen Rosé cubes

Take the first three ingredients and blend- strain out particles to keep juice, then blend the juice with the frozen rosé cubes.
***add sparkling tequila drink if you need more booze***

Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?

Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter 

Tell us truly, on a scale of one to one million, how much do you absolutely hate wearing a bra? Has your pandemic life led you down the path of ditching that torso binding, bullshit contraption forever? Can you roll like Fran and do your damnedest to never wear one again? Or are you Claire, who will unfortunately be going to her grave with her bra securely fastened? Either way, you do you boo. 

Welcome in to episode 90, where these two hosts are phoning in the cocktail, braless and living their best and most comfortable lives. Their week in review brings the roses (Pool season has begun at casa Jones and Fran met her new best friend… Claire better watch her ass) and thorns Claire got a sinus infection and thought she was dying and Fran doesn’t have family that will be honest about her appearance in public. News this week is coming at us from a professional athlete prioritizing her mental health over money and career and the new “Vaccine millionaires” cropping up in US states with “vaccine lotteries”. A listener is seeking “fashion” advice this week about… LOL,  she just wants to know if she can go braless henceforth. Let these ladies tell you, sister stay comfortable. Shit the ladies like this week includes a a new sparkling drink comin’ at ya from Hornitos (run don’t walk) and a reasonable serum that Claire discovered on her fave insta account “TYBAL”. Lastly, this weeks hater is brought to you by Spain and their new stamps which are supposed to highlight racial inequality in their county. Did they miss the mark? They absolutely did. 

The Best Friend
 Go to OBO in Sacramento 
Order a jug of “to go” cocktails
Bring them to your friends house
Pour over ice
Drink with your friend!

Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?

Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter 

Claire. Claire. Wake the fuck up woman! While we don’t consider this episode boring (the title clues you into that) Claire sure did show up during this evening recording and spread her tired ass, yawning face all over the place. Guess we are officially too old to be recording when it’s 7:30 pm. 

Welcome in to episode 89, where Claire deems this season 2 of our show and Fran is confused as ever. This week in review brings listeners the great (Claire had a great, two rose kind of week and Fran has successfully raised a baby to reach one year, during a pandemic) and not so great (Fran literally is in the shit).  News of the week comes at you with Claire Sharing some bullshit out of Florida (shocker) and Fran getting real entrenched in the Simone Biles olympics watch.  Advice this week comes to us from a listener feeling slighted after not being invited to her “good” friends micro wedding. Ughhhhhhh weddings, enough said.  This week in AUA the ladies play “fuck, marry, kill” for the “Friends” cast to celebrate the reunion on HBO.  ABV, shit we like (trademark pending), is hyper local with some food and skin recs from these hosts. Lastly, this weeks hater is brought to you by people trippin’ about vaccine “shedding”... what in the actual fuck.

ABC’s Best Drink Ever?
Frozen Pineapple
Pineapple High Noon
Vodka
Mint
Lime
Blend that bitch

Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?

Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter 

Dear, sweet, kind, caring listeners, we love you, we missed you and we finally have good sound quality… because we got to record inside thanks to science and being fully vaccinated hosts!!! Oh, and how glorious it was to be warm, comfy and slightly drunk in Claire’s bed. To all of you listeners who were concerned about the pod, we appreciate your love and messages, calls and face to face talks. We are so happy to be back. And to all of you haterz who didn’t expect us to get our shit together and record another episode, y’all can go eat a bag of dicks. 

Welcome in to episode 88, where these two hosts are living in the lap of luxury recording this weeks episode during nap time in Claire’s comfortable bed! It was glorious, truly. Our week in review is really 8 weeks in review (since we have been gone so long) and it does not disappoint.  Poor Claire has a night time escape artist on her hands (literally Remy went outside at 2am people) and Fran is finding herself navigating her sons erections at age 4 (she wasn’t expecting this so early). Claire got to enjoy becoming a baseball mom (Reid started T-ball) and Fran had a visit from her dad on his birthday (listeners do you believe in spirit energy?) News this week is serving up some progress in terms of inclusivity in the fashion industry, with Targets new designer collection featuring many, if not most, styles in ALL sizes for ALL bodies (YAY). Some older news that just had to be discussed includes a Pennsylvania teenagers freedom of speech case, which is making its way to the Supreme Court. Claire and Fran are on her side, let’s see what y’all think.   A listener is seeking our advice this week regarding having more children. Should she? Shouldn’t she? The ladies always have an opinion, but you know this. Shit the ladies like this week includes a Trader Joe’s body butter and ‘Morning Miracles” Claire’s new routine. Lastly, this weeks hater is brought to you by beauty influencers and their reviews/recommendations. Are y’all feeling Fran on this one?

The Wanna Be Press Bistro Salt and Pepper
Vodka
Fresh Grapefruit Juice
Grapefruit High Noon Vodka Seltzer
Rosemary Sprigs
Salt Rim

Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?

Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter 

Oh listeners, we know we take up lots of your time with our drunken ranting, our aggressive opinions, our old lady like bickering and Claire’s love of Rizzoli and Isles. And the first step in recovery is acknowledging you have a problem. That being said, this week we kept it short and sweet, just for you. Because we love you and respect your time, you know?

Welcome in to episode 87, where we, for once, are timely and keepin’ this podcast moving babies! Our week in review brings the highs (Claire is having a solid design week and now has herself an assistant AND she discovered the Davis arboretum and Fran enjoyed some birthday celebrations at the barn) and the thorns (Claire is staying positive with no thorns and Fran always has a thorn, which this week has to do with her families home remodel). News this week is pretty gross in terms of human behavior with a Sacramento area teacher engaging in racist behavior on zoom and Dr. Suess’ literary library being culled due to racist content. A listener is seeking our advice this week asking for help as to how she can broach the subject of masturbation as “me time” with her partner. Girl, take this self care and your man can go fuck off if he doesn’t like it. This weeks  “Ask Us Anything” turns the tables on the hosts and has them answer what their first impressions were of one another’s husbands/long term loves. Let’s just say, no one is surprised that Matt turned out to be easy. Shit the ladies like this week stays local with a new float spa downtown and a podcast with a fiesta host. Lastly, this weeks hater is brought to you by Texas’ governor, what a fucking piece of trash. 

Claire Phoned it In
Camp Craft Cocktail- Brunch Punch (refrigerate 3 days or a month, whatever)
Fever Tree Tonic
Tequila
Ice

Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?

Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter 

Dear listeners, is it only us or, do you too find yourselves having to sift through several public nudity memories to try and find the worst of the lot? And, listeners, how many publicly embarrassing moments can two women accumulate across their lifetimes? This question is rhetorical of course, because if you have listened to this show for any length of time you will likely know that the ladies of ABV have so many truly cringeworthy moments that have been shared on this show, it is sometimes hard to listen to. 

Welcome in to episode 86, where we are once again showing up without shame, airing our own dirty laundry and laughing at our own bullshit, uncontrollably. Our week in review brings the roses (Claire’s kittens finally got spayed and Fran enjoyed time with her BFF and their kids) and the thorns (Claire is just very tired and Fran keeps injuring a broken toe). News of the week is giving us all the life this week (The original Real World cast is coming back for a reunion show on a new streaming service and luxury colleges during this pandemic are becoming a thing). A listener is seeking our advice this week asking for help as to wether or not she should be leaving her therapist due to their disagreement over what behavior constitutes abuse. This poor listener, she may look back one this in a different light a few years from now. This weeks  “Ask Us Anything” puts the ladies in the hot seat as they describe their most embarrassing nudity in public stories (Wait aren’t all those stories embarrassing?) Shit the ladies like this week covers a book by a Black female author that Claire enjoyed reading and a local sacramento cookie maven, who makes the best cookies Fran has ever had.  Lastly, this weeks hater is brought to you by Religion/the Catholic Church… especially here in Sacramento 

Quadruple Citrus Cooler
Juice of 3-4 oranges
Juice of 2-3 lemons
Juice of 2-3 limes
Juice of 2 Tangerines
Splash of simple syrup
LOTS OF VODKA
Seltzer, club soda or bubble water to taste

Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?

Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter