Anything But Vanilla Podcast

Shelter in place is getting a little spicy this week!!!! Did Claire and Fran create some quarantine fic for this weeks advice? Has SIP turned the ladies into some hornballs just like the rest of these United States? You be the judge.

Welcome in to episode 55, where content is getting hot and heavy and Fran might pop out this baby any second.  This week in review brings listeners the good (Fran got to teach her first class in months outdoors and Claire had a fabulous Mother’s Day) and some moments of meh (people putting their trash opinions on pregnant folks birth plans and the differences of SIP in different towns/counties).  Meaningful news is shared (have people learned nothing about cruise ships? Plus Chrissy Tiegen hater BS). Advice this week comes with some steam from a listener who is having the quarantine of her life? Should she spoil the fun? It’s a NO Claire and Fran who are requesting more details. “Corona Confessions” for week nine reveals some interesting musical and literary choices coming in from the homes of the ABV gals. The ladies are continuing to like food, it’s breakfast pizza this week and choice Netflix watching (we have a pattern, don’t we?) .  Lastly, this weeks hater is brought to you by racist Sac State Professor Tim Ford and his clearly drug addled wife. Fuck you both.

Boozy Pink Lemonade
4 cups water, divided
1 cup sugar
1 cup raspberries
Four 3-inch pieces lemon zest
2 mint sprigs
Pinch kosher salt
2 cups freshly squeezed lemon juice
1 cup vodka
Ice, for serving

DIRECTIONS
1. In a small saucepan, combine 1 cup of the water with the sugar, raspberries, lemon zest, mint and salt. Bring to a simmer and cook until the sugar has dissolved and the raspberries have broken apart, 2 minutes. Remove from the heat and let cool completely, then strain into a pitcher.

2. Add the remaining 3 cups of water, the lemon juice, vodka and ice. Stir until well chilled, then serve.

Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?

Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter 

Another day, another socially distanced episode coming at you from the homes of Fran and Claire! What will they talk about? (Rona related bullshit for sure) Will they argue about something? (duh, you know who you are listening to, right?) Will you roll your eyes, laugh out loud a pick a side during this episode? (You bet you’re sweet ass ya will)

Welcome in to episode 54, where the margaritas are flowing, Fran is about to pop a baby and the the hater is getting all switched up. This week in review brings listeners a lil joy (Claire is getting her parking lot hobo on) and a little bit of pain (the good and bad of inductions). Carefully selected and curated news is shared (meat shortages, 5 year olds stealing cars and what to do if you are headed to college next year). Advice this week comes at the gals from a make listener who is dating a woman 15 years his senior. Should he succumb to his friends and families pressure to break it off? (It’s a no from us)   “Corona Confessions” for week eight reveals some pregnancy cravings and Claire’s shitty mood (is she a bitch just right now? Or is she using this confession as an excuse- let’s let this weeks hater convo confirm) The ladies are liking food, well, they are always liking food and gorgeously made and designed nursing wear, from a local Sacramentan and mom of 3.  Lastly, this weeks hater is brought to you by a paranoid shopper at the farmers market- watch out- Fran got no sympathy for your shopping anxiety. 

Whole Fruit Margarita
¼ cup (60 ml) water
6 ounces (180 ml) tequila
2 fluid ounces (60 ml) Grand Marnier
1 Large orange, peeled, halved
1 small lime, peeled
1 lemon, peeled, halved
6 Tablespoons (75 g) granulated sugar
6 cups (600 g) ice cubes

Blend to enjoy! 

Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?

Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter 

Like sands through the hourglass, so are the day’s of the ‘Rona pandemic and this damn shelter in place. Are you all starting to feel the Groundhog Day-ness of it all?!?! Yeah, we are too. But, good news! The ladies of ABV are here to help you forget your cares (not really we have hella anxiety) make you laugh (we hope-but we often argue which we recognize is stressful and not always funny) and get you drunk (this is one thing we can guarantee). So buckle up buttercups, and let’s get moving. 

Welcome in to episode 53, where some summer hearts are broken and the Rona Police might be out there to get yo ass.  This week in review brings our listeners rays of hope (Distance tanning and hangs wit yo momma) and some bullshit (Are you sick of hearing about how shitty it is to be pregnant? Well Fran isn’t done complaining).  Selected news is shared (the CA State Fair is officially cancelled, C-list celebrity divorces and some states/cities calling it quits for this academic year) and advice is given- is advice this week just a humble brag or is this caller waiting for the other shoe to drop? “Corona Confessions” for week seven brings some heat- Fran has rediscovered her love for a visor especially when tanning. Claire isn’t having it. You be the judge. The ladies are liking food (duh) trucks serving churros and zoom call games. Lastly, this weeks hater is brought to you by the holier than thou Rona Police. Don’t let em getcha. 

Cherry Lime G&T
2 oz gin of choice 
Fever Tree Tonic
1 oz Lime juice 
Luxardo Maraschino Cherry Syrup
Pour over ice! 

Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?

Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter 

Its week...well, who knows how many weeks or days we have been sheltered in place at this point. Does it matter? Time is a flat circle, are we right?!?! Anybody? Hello?

Welcome in to episode 52 , where Claire is being the judgiest bitch this side of the Sacramento River and Fran is delusional about how her drink is tasting. This week in review brings our listeners some bright spots (Time outside is nature is a pandemic bright spot all!) and some not so bright spots (The last month of pregnancy is a real bitch).  Selected news is shared (Sacramento is in the headlines for a SIP protest and Folks coming out of recovery into this shit show of a world) and advice is given- parents stop imposing your life’s dream on your teen. “Corona Confessions” for week six,  to no ones shock or surprise, Claire has jumped on the no shaving bandwagon and Fran not so secretly hates the online- Instagram home workouts everyone is peddling. The ladies are liking some spf products that offer a glow and teen dramas (Claire likes em young) Lastly, this weeks hater is a local sacramento developer-enough said.

Gin and Juice
2 oz gin of choice 
Full glass of green juice
1 oz Lime juice 
Splash of Agave
Pour over ice! 

Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?

Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter 

Week five of shelter in place brings you, dear listeners, bomb blood orange margaritas, birthday celebrations, walks down memory lane and haters. Always haters. 

Welcome in to episode 50, where Claire is always trying to look on the bright side- even when the hate is a little too real.  This week in review brings our listeners some bright spots (Claire celebrated her sons 4th birthday!) and some not so bright spots (Corona Easter is weird and Fran’s mental health is starting to become unchecked).  Selected news is shared (Coachella’s 20 year anniversary is put on hold so a fun documentary is released and Walmart is telling us what phase of quarantine shopping we are headed into) and advice is given- although there is some waffling at the end this week. “Corona Confessions” continue and Fran was hoping for something a little juicier from Claire. The ladies are liking secret drive through food pop ups here in Sac and some gorgeous self tanner. Lastly, this weeks hater is brought to you by well, our own personal ABV haters.

Blood Orange Margarita
2 oz tequila of choice 
2 oz blood orange purée 
1 oz Lime juice 
Splash of Agave
Light dash Sparkling water 
Pour over ice! 

Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?

Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter 

Week four of shelter in place brings listeners a large milestone in the life and times of ABV... the one year anniversary of recording, arguing, loving, hating, laughing, crying and most importantly...drinking! What have the ladies loved the most about this past year you ask? It’s not that interesting so if you want, you are welcome to skip this part. 

Welcome in to episode 50, where if you recall, Claire had been peer pressuring Fran to record live for this anniversary milestone and had her ass saved by the ol’ corona. This week in review brings our listeners some bright spots (Fran enjoyed her distanced porch hangout and sweatshirt pick up from Claire and Claire is reusing old samples for her mom to make masks) and some not so bright spots (Fran’s son wipes his poop everywhere while refusing to nap- enough said).  Selected news is shared (Claire isn’t feeling as bad about her corona shopping habits and Sac City Unified is being at the height of shitty behavior again) and advice is dispensed (Fran swears she didn’t write in this weeks question).  “Corona Confessions” this week are brought to you by Fran and her poor hygiene...again and Claire being fed up with more body shaming, even during the pandemic. The ladies are liking Los Angeles based and operated clothing companies who pay a living wage to their employees and burgers. A good burger is always something we love.  Lastly, this weeks hater is brought to you by pro-life activists who are suing a North Carolina city for not being able to protest during SIP.

Papa Doble (Hemingway Daiquiri-for Claire)
2 parts white rum 
Juice of half to 1 grapefruit
Juice of 1-2 limes
1 part grenadine
Light dash Sparkling water 
Pour over ice! 

Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?

Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter 

Week three of shelter in place has the ladies of ABV feeling opinionated, feisty,  argumentative and ornery. Wait a hot second- how is that any different from any other week in the friendship of Claire and Fran? It’s not- don’t be fooled. 

Welcome in to episode 49, where the ladies cannot find one thing this week that they agree on and the talking over one another shows it. This week in review brings our listeners some bright spots (Fran is getting back to some movement in her routine and Claire is enjoying her zoom calls) and some not so bright spots (Braxton Hicks contractions and cancelled trivia bee tournaments). Selected news is shared (Restauranteurs taking advantage of the public in times of corona and Christopher Meloni back in prime time!) and advice is dispensed (Please bear with us during this battle of the wills). Just in time for this next month long quarantine the gals are debuting a new segment “Corona Confessions”. Do you want to know the dirty secrets of the ladies during this time? Yeah we didn’t think you did either. What do you hate that other people love? We are sure there are tons of options out there, but you are going to hear the ladies of ABVs top 3. What are these bitches liking this week? More Netflix documentaries and old blogs/books, that’s what. Lastly, this weeks hater is brought to you by those not sheltering in place. You know who you are.

Spring SIPper
1 shot vodka
1 part orange juice
1 part grapefruit juice
Sparkling orange water 

Pour over ice! 

Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?

Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter 

Week two of shelter in place has got these ladies making all sorts of weird confessions- some of which you may have wanted to hear, others you definitely did not. But you, dear listeners, are the ones tuning in, so you only have yourselves to blame. We wash our hands of any of it.  

Welcome in to episode 48 where Claire is telling you all about her lack of experience with purchasing sex toys and Fran is calling out her lack of experience due to her high access to and consumption of the D! This week in review brings some sweet spots (Fran is enjoying her child! And Claire is finding her sons cute moments together ) and some not so bright spots (more sick kids and monotonous lock downs).  Selected, celebrity shaming news is shared (Kim and Taylor’s fued continues ?!) and sex related advice is dispensed (Should Claire take this time in SIP to become a licensed sexual therapist) Do you even care about what the ladies like anymore? Even if you didn’t, you are getting it (Unsettling Netflix docs and local bakeries). Lastly, this weeks hater is brought to you by asshats at the grocery stores. You know who you are. 

Angels Delight
1 ounce gin
1 ounce chambord
3/4 ounce cream 
2-3 dashes grenadine 
Shake gin, chambers, cream and grenadine with ice. Pour into martini or glass of choice.

Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?

Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter 

What to do when a pandemic has you sheltering in place, you can’t get closer than 6ft to others and there are no cleaning, paper products and milk at the grocery stores? Why listen to Claire and Fran, of course! Weird times call for episodes coming out late, Claire trying to call Fran out and being clearly wrong and Fran being oppositional, stubborn and angry. Nothing changes on this pod, even in the times of corona. 

Welcome in to episode 47! This week the ladies are holed up in their homes like the rest of the country, drinking their lives away, arguing over advice and news and coming in hot with anything but corona related content.  This week in review brings some bright spots (Last meals at restaurants before The Rona and Bachelor finale parties) and some not so bright spots (Fran’s dads birthday after his passing and Ear infections).  Selected, poignant, in depth news is shared (Amanda Byrnes in Preggo?!) and Rona related advice is dispensed (will this listener and her partner survive the quarantine?) Do you want to know more shit we like? Even if you didn’t, you are getting it (podcasts and children's books- don’t be too excited). Lastly, this weeks hater is brought to you by boomers who will not listen to reason during times of shelter in place. 

Claire’s Quarantini 
2 parts Vodka
1 part peach purée 
1 part lime juice
1 part lime sparkling water

Shake vod, purée and lime juice and pour over ice. Top with sparkling water. 

Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?

Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter 

How does one stay friends with their “best friend” after an insult is hurled so brazenly? Can a relationship be repaired when someone uses the “T-Word”? Is Claire acting like our ass clown, train wreck, corrupt, lying president? Is Fran justified in her name calling? You be the judge. 

Welcome in to episode 46, where the ladies are back to their old arguments, Claire is getting drunk and Fran is being angry. PREDICTABLE. This week the gals give you their weeks in review (teaching a class in the Golden 1 arena, kids peeing their pants, solo parenting, ya know the usual). Hard hitting news is shared (Hello new White Claw flavors!) Advice this week comes from a listener who wants to know if you can stay friends with an ex- and chaos ensues. The ladies get real personal when they share what their strangest Amazon purchases were and listeners get to know more stuff we like right now, (Mist Body Bar and Miss Americana Documentary). Lastly, this weeks hater is brought to you by one star reviews with no explanation ).

DST Panacea
2 parts Vodka
2 parts orange juice
1 part lime juice
1 part lemon lime soda
Mint
Ice

Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?

Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter