Anything But Vanilla Podcast

Are you a hopeless romantic? Do you believe love conquers all? That it can overcome even the most challenging of obstacles? You’ll be surprised, dear listeners, to find out that one of the ladies does believe in a love like this (or the idea of it) and it may not be who you think. 

Welcome in to episode 65, where someone is playing at life like they are on 90 Day Fiancé, and the gals are having none it (sort of). This week in review brings listeners the highs (Claire got out of the house for some wine tasting and Fran got to head out of town to the beach) and the lows (Claire’s going off her anxiety meds and Fran got a Covid test). News of the week is coming at us from the NBA (white dude not kneeling during the anthem? SHOCKER) and is giving us Sacramento yoga studios vibes (does it sound familiar). Advice comes to us from a listener who is unsure about the love life she had abroad. Should she bring her man over? Should she not? Have you ever wondered what the ladies of ABV would have on their riders if they ever get pod famous??? Wonder no more… and if you guessed Adderall makes an appearance, you know us too well. The ladies are continuing to share shit they like, this week its TV and masks.   Lastly, this weeks hater is brought to you by people who try and control when you don’t need to wear a mask. Let Claire wear her mask freely. 
Frozen Cucumber Lemonade

8 oz vodka
2 oz fresh lemon juice
6 oz simple syrup (1/2 cup sugar + 1/2 cup water)
2 Tbsp (heaping) fresh mint, chopped
2 Tbsp (heaping) fresh cilantro, chopped
1 Tbsp lemon zest
1 cup cucumber, chopped
4-5 cups ice cubes

Blend and enjoy
 
Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?

Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter 

Women. We are tough humans. We are smart. We are witty. We are clever. We are intelligent. We are funny. We are caring. We are cunning. We are protectors. We, as women, are a lot of things, most of them positive: so then why is it that a large number of us devolve into mini monsters when it comes to that fateful day- our wedding day?! We dear listeners don’t have the answer to this question. We are just I over here talking shit and drinking.

Welcome in to episode 64, where we share a drink recipe guaranteed to give you a hangover (only if you are a lightweight like Fran) and judge you harshly if you are a bridezilla (don’t come crying for our sympathies for any selfish wedding related behavior). This week in review brings listeners the good (double roses on Claire’s end, who has a bouquet of life roses in corona? Claire that’s who) and the relative bad (travel with kids is both amazing and a bitch).  News of the week comes at you with Fran noting that the media continues to do wrong by Black women, by under reporting the violent acts that occur against them and Claire bringing the lighter fare with the 2020 Emmy nominations. Advice comes to us from an obvious bridezilla, who is continuing to project her bad bridezilla behavior into the future onto her mother in law. Why?  Why is this happening ladies?  Ask us anything makes its triumphant return with the ladies sharing what they consider to be  pivotal or formative movie scenes from their lives. The ladies are continuing to share shit they like (A vintage online retailer that is Black owned and a documentary). Lastly, this weeks hater is brought to you by Roseville. Nuff said there.

Strawberry Basil Margarita 

1 can limeade

2 cups water

2 cups tequila 

10 strawberries

Basil 

Mix liquid Ingredients

Muddle basil and strawberry 

Combine with ice and enjoy

Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?

Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter 

This year. This fucking year. I think it’s safe to say, dear listeners, that we all have some version of this same refrain. You lost your job? Cool one of us did too. You haven’t seen your family in more than 6 months? Yep, that’s going on this way as well. You lost a parent, a friend, a family member or loved one? You bet your sweet as we know how that feels. So what does one do when this garbage pile of a year just keeps getting shittier?! You drink and you laugh, that’s what you do. 

Welcome in to episode 63 where we tip our glasses to a friend of the pod who passed on this last week and where we generally have a difficult time getting out of our feelings. This  week in review brings listeners the good (Claire’s son started loving the pool and Fran is trying to find silver linings) and the bad (the death of a friend, the state of the country and the loss of a job).  News of the week is a roller coaster of sadness (so many celebrity deaths) and joy (claire and fran have designs to rent themselves a concert tour bus) Advice comes to us from a gal who does not feel comfortable attending her friends plantation wedding in the south (news flash, this is such an ignorant racist thing to do- stop with the plantation weddings). The ladies are continuing to share shit they like (More food and more video content).  Lastly, this weeks hater is brought to you by Ted Cruz. ‘Nuff said there.

Brian Anderson’s Baltimore Zoo

• 1/2 oz Gin
• 1/2 oz Vodka
• 1/2 oz Rum
• 1/2 oz Triple sec
• 1/2 oz Peach liqueur
• 1/2 oz Amaretto
• 2 oz Gatorade fruit punch
• 1 oz Grenadine 
• 1 splash Beer

Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?

Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter 

This damn coronavirus has taught us a lot about ourselves, our family, our significant others and out friends. Wouldn’t you agree dear listeners? Well, when you set Claire and Fran on the corona relationship case, you might not like the answers you get, and they may be wrong, so its your fault for asking them in the first place. MMMMMMMkay?

Welcome in to episode 62 where we discover that friends can ghost friends, especially during shelter in place, it’s not all about the romance ghosting guys. This week in review brings listeners the highs (Claire enjoyed her family on the holiday weekend, Fran is happy to be back at work and feeling freedom) and the lows (Our country is the Florida of this world, didn’t ya know?). News of the week is leaving us feeling like this country is even more of a hot pile of garbage (Kanye West announced his presidential bid) and saves our souls too (What do airlines do with unclaimed lost baggage? Get ready to shop). Advice comes to us from a listener who is feeling lost in her friendship during these covid days. The ladies are continuing to share shit they like, shocker its food based.   Lastly, this weeks hater is brought to you by those individuals who promised Fran an angel baby. You assholes lied.  

White Clawda
1 Bag Frozen Pineapple
Lots of Malibu Run
Mango White Claw
1 Frozen banana
Splash Coconut milk
Blend it all up then add in your bottle or can of bud light lime!
 
 Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?

Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter 

This week, Fran totally slacked off (JK, JK, she has a newborn and we decided to give her a break) and your favorite cynical co-host, Erica, is back and dishing the gossip. She shares how life has been as a single woman in the Q.

Welcome in to episode 61 where Claire and Erica do what they're best at: talk shit and laugh. Our highs this week involved family (Angel Baby is 2! Mom visits!) and our lows this week involve a Porta Potty where Claire's anxiety rears its ugly head...again.
Local news revolves around the Golden State Killer pleading guilty and the new HBO Documentary, I'll Be Gone In the Dark, showcasing Sacramento's most notorious serial killer. Erica brings some levity with talks of an adults only pool amphitheater coming to Vegas soon.

Per usual, the ladies are seriously out of their league with a question involving romantic gestures and Erica calls BS on all of the couples who who participate in grand romantic gestures.

The ladies continue to share shit they like (virtual Pilates classes and some bomb Afghani street food) and this week's Hater is a Karen to top all Karens. Heads up to all the Karens- when you're on the wrong side of history, don't try to cancel someone.

Red Wine & Diet Coke Freeze
1 bottle red wine
3 cans of Diet Coke

Mix together and then freeze in silicone cube trays for 24-48 hours.
Add ice cubes to blender with some fresh lime juice and blend, baby, blend.


Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?

Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter 

What’s better then getting to record a podcast live in person with one of your favorite people on this planet? Not much, is the answer. And with corona on the rise in our fair state, these two sad sacks are back to recording from a distance. Do you, dear listeners feel our despair?!  Can you hear it in our voices? Do you see it in the name calling we engage in as a way to get our anger out?! Cool. Glad it’s apparent.

Welcome in to episode 60 where we lament the state of our state and our inability to drink together in person, AGAIN (privilege problems, we get it). This week in review brings listeners the good (both ladies enjoyed celebrating Father’s Day, despite their fatherless status) and the relative bad (more boring baby shit and missed eyebrow appointments). News of the week is local (association running the Sacramento midtown farmers market firing unseen heroes) and national (several anonymous sexual assault allegations made against celebrities). Advice comes to us from a wife who needs some reassurance that her reaction to her husbands patriotic decorating isn’t unfounded. The ladies are continuing to share shit they like (food and books).  Lastly, this weeks hater is brought to you by those individuals out there not wearing masks. Where the damn mask so these cohosts can record together again, in person. 

BLL Lagerita
2 limes zested and juiced 
1-2 tsp tajin
2oz Cointreau or triple sec 
2-4 oz tequila 
Simple syrup to taste
Ice

Blend it all up then add in your bottle or can of bud light lime!

Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?

Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter 

What is better than getting to finally be in the same room as your best friend, cocktail in hand, talking shit, making one another laugh and getting a booty shot by their significant other? What? What could be better? Saying fuck the police and knowing their are finally others who feel the same way you do about this oppressive, racist institution- that’s what. 

Welcome in to episode 59, the post shelter in place event that these two gals have been waiting for!  Listen as their audio doesn’t sound like shit, they aren’t talking over one another (that’s a stretch) and they actually get to drink this weeks cocktail together! This week in review brings listeners the bright lights (Fran is renting a magical sleep device for her child and Claire conquered solo parenting while being outnumbered) and some less than stellar moments (Fran needs sleep and Claire got stomach sick at a clients) News of the week is carefully selected and shared (shake shack is coming to Sac today and their employees are poisoning police in New York, Justice Gorsuch came through on the US LGBTQ civil rights vote and Youtube influencers are giving up their adoptive children). Advice comes at us from a listener who is having some seriously effed up relationship issues- including a partner who is banging a 22 year old in their home. The ladies are continuing to share things they love (Local Black owned businesses and Love Life) Lastly, this weeks hater is brought to you by those individuals out there posting and proselytizing about “blue lives matter”. Go home and educate yourselves ya ignorant asshats.

Strawberry Coconut Slush
1 cup Malibu Strawberry Rum 
2 cups frozen strawberries
Blend that bitch up 

Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?

Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter 

On this podcast we believe that Black Lives Matter. Period. There is nothing to argue there. We also believe that systemic racism is present in the police force across all 50 states. We believe that the police should be defunded. We believe that there should be justice for the countless Black, Indigenous, and People of Color who have lost their lives as a result of police racism, bias and brutality. We as two white women acknowledge our privilege and will work hard to continue to our anti-racism message not only on this podcast, but in our personal lives, as well. Black Lives Matter. Period.

Pineapple White Claw Slush
1 can White Claw Pineapple
1 shot vodka
1 cup frozen Pineapple
2 cups ice
Blend and enjoy!

Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?

Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter 

If you thought you were getting a week off from Fran’s man voice- guess what Bitches???? You were wrong. Clearly this lady is such a workaholic (read thirst monster) she can’t even take a week off from the pod after having a baby. So enjoy the sweet sounds of a fussy baby and the incoherent ramblings of a tired mom- you can tell Claire is loving it!!!

Welcome in to episode 57, where Claire has the difficult task of manning this ship, because let’s face it, Fran is essentially a shell of a human being at the moment. This week in review brings listeners the good (Fran had a healthy baby and Claire had some bomb pool days) and some less than stellar moments (Fran’s birth was unmedicated and Claire had a big client put a project on hold).  Some Trump news is shared (we intentionally avoid this topic typically) and to balance that out we talk about booze and some booze reviews we will be posting this summer. Advice comes at us from a listener who is dating online, long distance- in the times of the Rona. Here is where Fran’s lack of experience and mom brain really collide (poor Claire) . “Corona Confessions” for week 11 reveals some anxiety shopping and Claire decides to put the kabosh on the whole segment. She officially over it. As SIP comes to a close in SAC- so do our lame confessions. The ladies are continuing to share products they love (makeup and face masks) Lastly, this weeks hater is brought to you by that racist Karen, Amy Cooper. You are a menace to society you racist piece of garbage. 

Watermelon Slushie

• ¼ cup freshly squeezed lime or lemon juice
• ¼ cup sugar
• 4 cups cubed seedless watermelon
• 1 cup chilled (preferably frozen) vodka
• Lemon or lime wheels and mint sprigs

Combine the lime juice and sugar in a small bowl and stir until dissolved.

Make space in the freezer for a 9 x 13 baking dish. Arrange the watermelon in the dish, then pour the sugar-lime juice all over the watermelon and freeze at least 4 hours and up to 24. Transfer the frozen watermelon and any frozen liquid to a blender along with the vodka and blend until slushy.

Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?

Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter 

Welcome in to episode 56! This is the LAST episode before FRAN FINALLY HAS HER FUCKING BABY. Can we get an AMEN?!?
Our week in review include Claire's perfect summer afternoon/evening and a SIP birthday party for Fran's oldest son. This week's news is bittersweet: a love story of teenagers getting married while one is dying. This prompts a disagreement (shocker!) between Claire the romantic and Fran the realist about whether parents should let their kids marry a dying person. We also discuss the Bachelorette's fall from grace as she uses a derogatory word during an Instagram live singalong and this pair of drunk girls think that she deserves all of the backlash she is receiving. For once, Claire & Fran give advice on a subject they're actually well-versed in: long-term friendships and how to foster and support them.
Our Corona cofessions: one of us has become a nosy neighbor and the other one of us is getting Zoom tarot card readings...you may be surprised at who is who.
In Shit We Like this week brings us cocktails on the go from The Snug & an amazing lotion destined to get you as tan as Claire when she won the tan-off last year.
This week's hater is Corona-related and it's basically assholes who don't wear masks in public and raise hell because of it.
Fran does a send-off to the pod but don't worry, she'll be back in a sleep-deprived state in a couple of weeks.


Fair-Style Lemon Shake Ups
makes 2 drinks

1/2 cup water
1/4 cup sugar
2 lemons
2 cups ice cubes, plus extra for serving as necessary
1 cup alcohol of choice (vodka would be best)

DIRECTIONS

Bring the water and sugar to boil in a small saucepan. Boil for five minutes or until the sugar is completely dissolved.

Juice 1 1/2 lemons, reserving the fourth lemon half. Stir the lemon juice into the sugar syrup; you will have about 1 cup. Chill the lemon syrup in the fridge.

Blend the ice in a blender or food processor until it is crushed. Put half the crushed ice in a cocktail shaker, along with half the chilled lemon syrup (about 1/2 cup), along with 1/2 cup ice water. Shake vigorously for a couple minutes, then dump the whole mixture — including the ice — into a tall glass. Repeat with the remaining ice, syrup, and vodka for the second shake up.

Cut the remaining lemon half into four slices and add two slices to each glass. Sip (slowly!) and enjoy!

Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?

Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter