Anything But Vanilla Podcast

What dear listeners do you think you were born to do? Save lives? Help others? Work with underprivileged children? Well, naturally, the ladies have some ideas about what they were born to do and let’s just say that it doesn’t have much of a moral upside. 

Welcome in to episode 45! Where the ladies will do almost anything if you pay them enough and if someone could help them set up their dominatrix website, that would be cool too. This week the ladies share their highlight and lowlight reel (the barn is back again, we are old and throwing out our backs). Local Sacramento news is poppin’ nationally (we have a Sacramentan as the bachelorette!) The ladies discuss how MLM’s are bullshit for those living under rocks and Claire brings you some random treasure hunter news. Advice this week comes from a listener who wants to date a coworker, the ladies divulge what they were “born to do”. Finally, listeners get to know more stuff we like right now, (makeup and bomb local shops) and bring you this weeks hater (Corona Virus watch out).

Vanderpink Margarita 
2 parts Tequila
2 parts Lime juice
1 part peach purée 
1 part orange liqueur 
Dash of hibiscus syrup
Ice if you aren’t a hood rat like fran 

Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?

Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter 

Do you, or anyone you know, happen to have the number of a girl or guy who could hook it up with the cute printed diapers that babies wear? Yes?! Ok... but not for babies, we will be needing those in adult sizes, please and thank you kindly. Also, we will be stealing all your cute miniature sized items (think mini salt shaker) if you allow us in your home or establishment. K. Thanks. 

Welcome in to episode 44! What the hell is going on here this week you ask? Well, this faux spring has got us all ready for summer, bomb drinks and light kleptomania. This week Claire has a thorn to share (don’t mind Fran as she pats herself on the back) and sneak preview the barn begins making appearances in the weekly highlight reel! The duo is also sharing some interesting news about the ABDL world (look it up or just listen) and an influencer who duped her followers into thinking she was on a Bali vacation, when in reality she just went to Ikea. Advice this week comes from a listener struggling with a nightmare of a friend and the ladies share what family members would assume they would be arrested for. Finally, listeners get to know more stuff we like right now, (adorable coffee shops and sexy death podcasts) and bring you this weeks hater (Fran gets it guys).

Faux Spring Refresher 
2 parts Vodka
2 parts watermelon juice
1 part watermelon flavored sparkling water (we used a caffeinated version)
Juice of half a lime 

Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?

Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter 

Let’s pretend you have a friend who is pregnant and who can’t get drunk with you anymore but who still enjoys her drink when she can. Do you A) phone in the drinks you make her and half ass your effort or B) lovingly give thoughtful effort to the one craft cocktail she gets to drink? If you are the former, you are a bad friend and you are in the dog house with Claire this week... jkjkjk. 

Welcome in to episode 43, where the drinks are less than stellar and the company is full of snark, judgement and snappy attitudes. This week Claire once again tries to get away with only sharing her weekly highlights and is forced into properly delivering the segment Rose and THORN to listeners, with a strong nudge from her co-host who is full of thorns always. The duo is also sharing some shady local news via a high school newspapers ace reporting and the Boy Scouts of America’s decision to file bankruptcy (due to their truly awful Catholic Church-esque handling of systemic abuse). Advice this week is handled without kid gloves (shocker) and the ladies share their most unprofessional moments in the workplace (may they hang their heads in shame). Finally, listeners get to know more stuff we like right now (Costco finds and delish local Sacramento breakfast, watch out Bacon and Butter) and bring you this weeks hater (Warning: ageism might be a part of this segment).

Love (or mediocrity) In A Cup
1 part William Sonoma “Love In A Cup” mix
2 parts Vodka
2 parts Lime White Claw

Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?

Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter

Have you been waiting with baited breath to see who won our worst ex contest and the name of the cockroach that will be fed to a sweet little meerkat at the El Paso zoo! Well wait no more! Welcome in to episode 142, where pregnant hosts are proclaiming that they are drunk and somebody might call CPS! This week Claire has so many roses to share (and Fran is finally better) and some thorns (Baby names and babies at school)  discuss their chosen news of the week, (Millennials Valentines spending, our hero Ed Mcginty and the Oscars) answer a call-in advice question about boundary setting with a friend who has a substance abuse issue, share the winner of our ABV worst ex contest (Messy Melissa we are looking at you), give you the stuff we like this week (Claire’s grassroots Harriet Tubman stamp and the podcast J-Train) and bring you this weeks hater (Texas Schools we are looking at you again). 

Creamsicle Dreamsicle
1 part Ginger Ale
2 parts Whipped Cream Vodka
2 parts Orange Soda 
Orange slice and cherry for garnish

Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?

Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter

Hey, ABV listeners. We are lookin’ at you. Nay, we are lookin’ out for you. And as Valentine’s Day is around the corner, boy do we got you all a treat. Have you been spurned? Burned? Ghosted? Blocked? Is there someone giving you all the feels of 10,000 fiery hot hells in your gut during this season of love? Well, if there is, let Flaire help you. This week the ladies of ABV are giving one lucky listener the opportunity to name a cockroach at the El Paso Zoo whatever they would like. Then, zookeepers will be live streaming said cockroach being fed to a darling meerkat. Are you in? We hope you are!

Welcome in to episode 141, where the conversations are all over the place, but the drinks are delish! Come drink this weeks Super Bowl halftime themed cocktail and roll your eyes constantly as your hosts over use the word “like” to an obnoxious degree. This week the gals have so many roses to share (this is Claire, per usual) and some thorns (Fran cannot get better over here)  discuss their chosen news of the week, (Pruno is back, valentines at the zoo and the easiest way for females to get off) answer a call-in advice question about breaking the news of a cheating partner to a friend (and the cheater is a friend too!) share some more stuff we like right now, (TV and a local Sacramento shop that Fran adores) reveal what they think needs to be changed about themselves, (Physically and internally) and bring you this weeks hater (Super Bowl Halftime Shamers begone!). 

The I’m Only Here For The Halftime Show
1 part Casa Amigos Casa Bells Mixer
1 part Tequila
As much Sparkling Water as you like
Squeeze of Agave

Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?

Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter

What happens when you cross two sick mothers, two busy schedules and and an atypical recording day? Well first and foremost, you don’t get a new cocktail, that’s for sure. What do you get instead? A nice warm cup of comforting cinnamon tea, lots of bickering and a piping hot serving of stinky hot privilege. 

Welcome in to episode 140! This week the ladies have succumbed to the plague and are doing their best not to cough into their mics while filling in listeners about the highs and lows of the last week (Fran is pregnant again!) share their chosen news of the week, (The Goop Lab on Netflix and an new local restaurants offensive architecture) answer a call-in advice question where a young woman is struggling with her finances and friendships, (we’ve all been there) share some more stuff we like right now, (taco trucks and mini fridges in your bathroom) reveal our personal compulsions, (Claire’s is a doozy) and bring you this weeks hater (Pregnant judgemental moms who are shaming Fran, were looking at you). 

Hot-Tea
One piping hot cup o’ water 
One tea bag of your choice 
Burbon if your frisky 

Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?

Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter

Do you like the taste of spicy hot garbage? Yes? No? Well, Claire clearly does not and if you are anything like her (loud, opinionated, nosy) then DO NOT make this weeks drink- a Tequila Mule. 

Welcome in to episode 139 where the ladies are choking down their drinks, telling listeners to lie to the people they are dating and arguing so much about Cheer, that producer Brian is called in as a mediator.  As always, listeners get to hear about the highs and lows of the last week (Fran is stealing Roses!) share their chosen news of the week (Millennials and hobbies and Netflix’s Cheer) answer a call-in advice question where a listener has committed a lie of omission (Claire is condoning it people) share some more stuff we like right now (products and insta handles) and bring you this weeks hater (mom shamers beware). 

Tequila Mule
Shot or two tequila 
Juice of 1 lime
Dash of mint simple syrup 
Fill rest of cup with ginger beer (we recommend not using Reed’s Extra Ginger Beer)
Tajin, lime and jalapeño garnish 

Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?

Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter

Wait a minute... what? Your vagina smells like what? Because the ladies know theirs certainly don’t smell like the candle Gwenyth Paltrow is peddling for 75 bucks. It’s time to weigh in! What would your vagina candle smell like?!? 

Welcome in to episode 138, where the ladies are drinking an old standby from their college days and arguing about almost everything they discuss.  Per usual listeners get to hear about the highs and lows of the last week (stop rubbing your lovely life in Claire!) share their chosen news of the week, (IOC bans on athletic protests, sacramento restaurant “blood bath” closures and vagina candles) answer an “in-law” related advice question (Claire is kind of being a B again) share some more stuff we like right now (it’s all TV this week) and bring you this weeks hater (body shamers beware). 

Dirty Shirley
Shot or two if vodka 
1/4 oz grenadine 
3-4oz 7up
1-2 Maraschino cherries

Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?

Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter 

Weeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeee Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!

Did you miss us? Were you as depressed over our absence as the ladies have figured out Fran currently is? Are you prescribed and  using Paxil? Reach out to Fran, she clearly needs help. 

Welcome in to episode one of our second season, which also happens to be the first episode of new decade! The ladies are here to fill you in on their holiday hiatus (birthdays, hangovers, throw up, the plague, dead parents, depression, etc.) deliver the news of the week, (sacramento sex parties, those crazy millennials and their plants and the golden globes) answer your forty plus dating advice (Claire is ruthless) share some stuff we like right now (books and comedy specials) and bring you this weeks hater (It’s not what you think about New Years resolutions). 

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) Cure
Tequila
Juice of one orange
Juice of one lemon
Juice of one lime 
Splash of squirt
Tajin rim

Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?

Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter

Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Claire and Fran are drunk! Happy holidays from us over here at the ABV! We got your cheery ass holiday drink covered (hello candied cranberries), we got your typical holiday snark covered (college kids need adulting classes, lord) your embarrassing holiday moments (parents and sex, shudder) and your holiday haters (fuck you american public at large). Kick back, relax and talk shit along with the ladies in their first holiday episode.

Holiday Dreamzzzz
1tbsp Orange Liqueur 
Fill glass with Champagne 
Garnish with candied cranberry and orange slice

Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?

Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter