Anything But Vanilla Podcast

Ooooops we did it again. Another hour and a half episode is in the books. Did you ask for it? Not necessarily. Are you getting it? You bet your sweet ass you are! Welcome to episode 35, where guest Kristene Crimens “Sacramento’s premiere brow boss” (according to us) joins us for drinks, heated conversations, and general mockery of our world this week. How will Kristene answer the time tested ABV litmus test? What the hell can these three talk about for 90ish minutes? Is this weeks drink actually good? Listen in and find out. 

This week in “Rose and Thorn” the ladies share their best  (holiday home tours, trips to SF for live pod and sleeping babies) and worst (Lawdy! Claire and her throw up anxiety) discuss some of this weeks news (Crazy filler lewks, a new cross country driving record and bananas as art) and answer this weeks advice question about how to navigate your discussions around marriage when your friend is going through a divorce. This week in homework,  the ladies are discussing Claire’s assignment, the coming of age tale “Booksmart”. Saving the worst for last, Kristene brings you the hater of the week and let’s just say, you missed the effing mark Peleton.

Boozy Chocolate Milk
1/3 cup White chocolate liqueur
1/3 cup Vanilla vodka
1 cup Chocolate milk
Crushed Graham cracker, cinnamon and sugar rim

Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?

Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter 

Is it? Is it tan? Golden? Bronze? Brown? How often are you exposing it to the sun? 30 seconds? One minute? An hour? Well, maybe you’re on to something, because Fran and Claire, the tanning queens, haven’t been keen to this trend, and their mental health is CLEARLY compromised. Follow along this week as the ladies drink a jolly holiday cocktail, discuss the places where the sun shouldn’t shine and rip on each other ceaselessly. 

This week in “Rose and Thorn” Flaire lets you know their best (Holidays?) and worst (Fran got left out of fun) discuss some of this weeks news (Ohio’s misguided bill regarding doctors and abortion, tanning your perineum and rage yoga) answer this weeks advice question from a listener dealing with an overzealous friends new girlfriend, share their favorite movies to watch again and again and bring you this weeks hater, which is why people recommend steering clear of politics and religion during holiday conversation. 

Holiday Hangover
1/4 cup brewed coffee
2 oz vodka
2 oz Kahlua 
Dash of cream 
Coke float 

Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?

Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter

Did anyone else feel it this week? The cold sweat of procrastination beading up at the nape of your neck because you were four hours behind on the homework that was assigned to you three weeks ago and was coming due? Well, you’re not alone, Claire felt it too. Join the ladies as they drink away the day and review ABV homework, to Claire’s chagrin. Get ready to have your comprehension tested, your memory challenged and your buzz kicked into high gear. 

This week in, “Rose and Thorn” Flaire share their best (Sinbad!) and worst (hello sick children) discuss some of this weeks news (a sultry nun, women’s bodies being shamed to injury and the disorder we all knew we had, Buying Shopping Disorder) answer this weeks advice question from a listener planning her wedding and lastly bring you this weeks hater, which not so shockingly also has to do with people critiquing bodies.

My House Is On Fire Holiday Punch
1 bottle sparkling wine
1 cup vodka
1/4 cup Raspberry Liqueur
Lots of raspberries to float in the bowl

Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?

Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter  

Oh Sacramento, why are you so disappointing at times? Why do you make us lament your terrible choices so frequently? Why are you the terrible boyfriend we just can’t quit? Is it us? Is it you? Its definitely you, obviously. It’s never us. This week Flaire welcomes in their 3rd guest, marketing powerhouse, social media influencer and local Sacramento celebrity, Kachet Jackson-Henderson. Follow along as the ladies give Kachet their ABV litmus year and get to know her a little better. It also happens to be Fran’s birthday, so stick around to the end of the episode to hear Claire turn her solo performance of “Happy Birthday”, into a classic duet. Get ready to laugh out loud, drink this weeks classic drink the “Birthday Bitch” to your hearts content and question Sacramento’s terrible choices. 

This week in, “Rose and Thorn” the ladies and their guest cover their best (Vacations, travel and birthdays) and worst (Fran isn’t getting any tanner) discuss some of this weeks news (Rich people have too much time on their hands and start dopamine fasting, Kylie Jenner sells 51% of her business and last but not least, Sacramento continues to throw their support behind an accused rapist) and answer this weeks advice question from a listener just starting out her relationship with a deploying military man.  What can the ladies improve upon you ask? Can they get any better than they already are? Well, they certainly think so. See what’s up in this weeks ask us anything. Last but absolutely not least, the hater of the week is back and Claire is starting to see why everyone else in the country is fed up with jury duty. 

The Birthday Bitch
2 parts vodka
1 part White Chocolate Liqueur
1 part Amaretto
3 parts Coconut Cream

*Pour all ingredients over ice and shake vigorously in cocktail shaker and pour into martini glass with sprinkle rim

Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?

Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter 

How can this weeks title items have anything in common? How, you ask, do they all go ef themselves? Well, the ladies can’t answer that question. All they can do is tell you with certainty that they need to do so and why it is that they need to. In Episode 31, we welcome back co-host Erica, “The Cackle” Castillo before she embarks on her big move to San Diego. Get ready to chuckle, question our advice giving skills and drink the next 60 minutes away. 

This week the trio recaps their best and worst in, “Rose and Thorn” (Goodbye parties and 60 minute horror waxing sessions abound) discuss some of this weeks news (Are you effing kidding TI, what is wrong with you?!) and answer this weeks advice question from a listener struggling with her partner’s difficulty finding a career path. After some delay, the ladies finally announce their contest winner for dinner out on the town and drumroll please......... BMA Design, you are going to get wined and dined by these crazy bitches. Lastly, Erica’s goodbye has got us too drunk to remember our hater of the week. So you get a week off from the hate. Don’t blame us, we are drunks. 

Pomegranate Mule
Generous amount of vodka
Juice of 1/2-1 grapefruit 
Juice of 1 lime 
Few splashes pomegranate juice
Spoonful pomegranate seeds
Ginger beer float 
Mint garnish 

Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?

Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter 

Let us ask you a serious question. What do you do when a friend makes you a terrible drink? Do you pretend to like it and choke it down? Or do you tell them how you truly feel? In our case, you know what’s going to happen. Welcome to episode 30,   where we open by sharing one of the the grosser drinks we’ve concocted to date (or at least Fran thinks so). So  kick back, relax and get ready to spit this cocktail straight out of your mouth. 

Follow along as Flaire recaps this weeks best and worst in, “Rose and Thorn” (Oh, the highs and lows of halloween) discuss some of this weeks news (Epstein conspiracies confirmed!) and answer this weeks advice question about whether or not you get “different kinds of drunk” from different types of alcohol. After some delay, the ladies are finally getting around to discussing Claire’s “ABV Homework“, Matthew Cooke’s documentary, “A Survivors Guide to Prison”. Saving the worst for last, Fran brings you the hater of the week and she is looking at you Daylight Saving Time.

Fall Fireball Fuck-Me-Up
1 shot Fireball
1/2 can blood orange IPA
1/4 cup apple cider 
Top of with blood orange sparkling water

Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?

Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter 

Join Flaire this week as we celebrate the week of Halloween with a spooky cocktail and lots of gab.

If you can’t tell by your hosts voices, this week might have been a little rough. Join in as the gals recap this weeks best and worst in, “Rose and Thorn” (and spoiler alert, it's the worst thorn ever), discuss some news stories this week (is an income of $350k a year really middle class?) and try and answer this weeks advice question about what to do when you want to encourage your partner to lose weight (TLDL: Shut the fuck up.) What is your dream vacation? Well, the ladies have a few ideas about their own in this weeks, “Ask Us Anything” and surprise, Claire's is Kardashian-inspired. Saving the worst for last, Claire brings you the hater of the week and we need to hear if you think she handled an awkward encounter at the doctor's office correctly.

Fran's Berry Spooky Cocktail
Muddled Blackberries
Juice of 2 limes
2 oz Gin
A splash of Agave
Floater of sparkling wine

Shake everything except for the wine over ice and then top with the wine and more berries.


Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?

Find us @abvpodcast on Instagram

Erica just couldn't stay away and joins Claire this week as Fran's fill-in. Erica gives us a life update and tells us how it is now being a listener of the pod. 
The girls drink a basic ass bitch cocktail, the Pumpkin Spice Espresso Martini, which you will love if you enjoy a PSL.
They get buzzed and disagree over Uber tipping etiquette and Erica's moral integrity waivers/Claire's moral integrity is impeccable as always.
For the first time ever, the ladies are qualified to answer the advice question, "When should I get Botox? How do I convince my husband?"
And finally, Erica shares her Hater of the Week and drink every time Erica uses the term networking or you hear Claire's gross cough.

Claire's Pumpkin Espresso Martini
Rim
Crushed graham cracker
Sugar
Sprinkle of cinnamon

Cocktail
2 parts espresso
2 parts Trader Joe's Pumpkin Spice Liqueur
1 part Vanilla Vodka
1 part whole milk

Shake over ice.

Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?

Find us @abvpodcast on Instagram

You might be wondering what our episodes title ingredients have in common. The answer, in our case, is tequila. It’s always tequila. Welcome to episode 27,  where this dynamite duo finally answers the age old question... is Kirkland branded alcohol on par, or better, than the bougie brand name bullshit. Hang on to your panties and get ready for the results.

If you can’t tell by your hosts voices, this week might have been a little rough. Join in as the gals recap this weeks best and worst in, “Rose and Thorn”, (Claire got the surprise of a lifetime) discuss some news stories this week (Fran is being idealistic again) and try and answer this weeks advice question about cheating and those who judge it so harshly. What is your toxic trait?  Well, the ladies have a few ideas about their own in this weeks, “Ask Us Anything”. Saving the worst for last, Claire brings you the hater of the week and We are sure we can all agree with her annoyance.

Frannie’s Pumped Up Paloma
2 shots tequila blanco
Juice of one grapefruit 
Juice of two limes
Sparkling lime water
Salt or tajin rim

Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?

Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter 

How does one survive being a liberal in Texas you ask? Or wait, did you ask that or are we too drunk and we asked that and just assumed you wanted to know. Either way, we got you covered! Meet Yarrow Sledge, our second guest, longtime friend and loyal ABV supporter. She’s the sweetest thing this side of the Mississippi and she joined us this week to share her opinions, give us the much needed heart we were lacking and school us on the mysteries of Mountain Dew (some might call it a wives tale). 

Join Flaire and Yar as they recap their highs and lows of the week during, “Rose and Thorn” (it always has to do with drinking, remember the podcast you are listening to) discuss some news stories (employers let’s not body shame, mmmkay?) and answer, yet again, another parenting question. What scares you the most but is totally irrational? Well, the ladies will let you know what keeps them up at night in this weeks, “Ask Us Anything”. Saving the worst for last, Yar brings you the hater of the week, please don’t hate lovers of this earth! 

Claire’s Get You Drunk Mimosa
1 Tbsp boozy  mango purée (frozen mango blended with orange liqueur)
Heavy pour Prosecco
1 slice candied orange garnish 

Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?

Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter