Art That Overcomes

As we talked about last week, sometimes as survivors of narcissistic abuse, we can be too hard on ourselves. We’ve been taught by our abusers to question our decisions, actions, and motives, while turning a blind eye to their problematic behaviors. 

Two of the heaviest emotions that can linger on after leaving an abusive relationship are regret and guilt. We see the effects of the abuse in our lives, and regret our decision to stay in the relationship as long as we did, or the choice to raise children with the abuser, etc. And with that kind of regret tends to come the guilt… We simply cannot let go of the feeling that we have done something horribly wrong, and if we do try to let it go, it feels like we’re minimizing the entire experience or not owning our mistakes or weak moments. And even beyond that, our minds and bodies may be so used to holding onto that guilt that it has become the ever-present background noise to our lives… we walk around all day long with an underlying sense that we are in the wrong, just for existing. 

In today’s recording, you’ll hear me share some thoughts and encouragements around this topic, along with a suggestion for how to begin to confront and process through feelings of regret and guilt. 

To view the Art That Overcomes Instagram page, sign up for weekly emails, schedule a FREE 15-minute Coaching Call, or learn more about The Redefined Process, go here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://linktr.ee/jenniferakramer⁠

Are you being too hard on yourself? Are you beating yourself up over things that are in the past, or that weren’t even yours to take responsibility for in the first place?

After surviving narcissistic abuse, it can be difficult to focus on the positive. We can’t quite envision a better future. Or, we’re not willing to do the work to set those goals. 

Our brains like patterns, and it’s easier to let ourselves stay stuck in the negative, rather than give ourselves permission to move forward. 

Today’s recording is all about giving ourselves that permission to get back up and try again. Keep going… Keep setting goals… Keep doing the hard work to become the Future You that you choose. 

Today you’ll hear me mention some mantras that I want you to consider:

I accept the choices I have made, and the situation I am in.

I forgive myself for past mistakes. 

I have the power to shape the life I choose from this moment forward.

I am allowed to get back up and try again. 

After listening to my expanded explanation of these mantras, I encourage you to choose one or two that resonate most, and say them to yourself (out loud!) in the mirror daily. Yes, it will feel weird at first. It will feel uncomfortable. But we’ve got to be willing to work through those emotions in order to take any meaningful action toward healing. 

To view the Art That Overcomes Instagram page, sign up for weekly emails, schedule a FREE 15-minute Coaching Call, or learn more about The Redefined Process, go here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://linktr.ee/jenniferakramer⁠

I’ve got a bit of a controversial opinion on the topic of forgiveness, particularly when it comes to forgiving those who have abused us. I think forgiveness is important, but so often it’s a concept that’s shoved down our throats. We’re told we have to forgive. And if we don’t? We’re shamed (or we shame ourselves). I also think that we often confuse the word “forgiveness” with “reconciliation”. Those are two very different words, and should be handled separately. 

What would happen if we loosened up a bit, and took the pressure off this topic? What if it really was your choice to forgive…or not. As survivors of narcissistic abuse, we’re not used to having choices. And, we are used to feeling shamed for things that we shouldn’t be. 

On today’s recording, I share my thoughts on forgiveness, and why this is a more nuanced conversation than we tend to think. 

To view the Art That Overcomes Instagram page, sign up for weekly emails, schedule a FREE 15-minute Coaching Call, or learn more about The Redefined Process, go here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://linktr.ee/jenniferakramer⁠

Soon after my abusive relationship ended, I began attending a support group that became my lifeline for quite a while. It was a co-ed group, and not centered on the topic of domestic violence, but I was relieved to find that among the attendees there were many women just like me. While we may have been different ages, come from different cultural traditions and socioeconomic backgrounds, and we had different personalities, hobbies, and interests… We had one huge thing in common (so much so that it often felt comical, even!). I heard women in that group share about conversations, thoughts, emotions, conflicts and confusion they’d felt in abusive relationships with narcissistic men, and I felt so seen. 

Maybe you’ve had that experience with a friend, an online group, or even listening to this podcast. It’s an experience of having someone directly reflect your life right back to you, except that they don’t know you at all, and they’re actually describing their own relationship. And those other women felt this same phenomenon when I shared my story. We often found ourselves joking, “Did you have a camera in my house or something? How did you know that?” It can feel funny, comforting, and also so sad that narcissistic abuse can look so incredibly similar across different relationships. The reason I say it’s comforting is that when we hear others share, we know that we’re not alone. We’re not crazy, delusional, or stupid, as the narcissist tried to gaslight us into believing. 

On today’s recording, I’m answering some very common questions that I often receive from my community of Overcomers. I’m guessing they’re things you’ve wondered about too.

To view the Art That Overcomes Instagram page, sign up for weekly emails, schedule a FREE 15-minute Coaching Call, or learn more about The Redefined Process, go here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://linktr.ee/jenniferakramer⁠

Trust. It’s one of the topics I hear about most from my clients. They can’t trust men. They can’t trust certain friends and family members anymore. They recognize they’ve been a little too quick to trust in the past… so now, they don’t even trust themselves. 

Today’s recording is all about the juggling act of learning to trust ourselves and others, because in my personal experience, and in what I’ve seen in my clients, the two go hand in hand.

To view the Art That Overcomes Instagram page, sign up for weekly emails, schedule a FREE 15-minute Coaching Call, or learn more about The Redefined Process, go here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://linktr.ee/jenniferakramer⁠

Do you sometimes feel selfish, arrogant, or even question whether you’re the narcissist? Often I notice that Overcomers of narcissistic abuse are overly sensitive to the possibility that these traits are present within themselves, or in others. 

Here’s an important reminder: There’s a huge difference between feeling confident, taking time to care for yourself for a change instead of overextending yourself for others, and being grounded in your own identity and choices…versus being self-absorbed, narcissistic, cruel, and abusive.

As I always say, the key to healing from narcissistic abuse is to reconnect with and redefine your own identity. You have to do the work of figuring out who YOU are. And, guess how you do that work? Through taking time for yourself. You need to explore activities you enjoy, spend time with people who help you feel validated and alive, and also simply take time to be quiet and reflect, making space for all of your thoughts and emotions to be heard. 

You may have heard the phrase: “Self-care isn’t selfish”. I challenge you to really consider that as you listen to this episode. Today’s recording is all about why it can be so hard for us to practice self-care after experiencing narcissistic abuse.

To view the Art That Overcomes Instagram page, sign up for weekly emails, schedule a FREE 15-minute Coaching Call, or learn more about The Redefined Process, go here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://linktr.ee/jenniferakramer⁠

If you’ve been listening to me for any length of time, then you’ve heard me say that healing from narcissistic abuse is an endless journey. It can be our natural tendency to want to heal as quickly as possible. We want to hurry up and skip to the good part. But unlike a book where you can skip to the last chapter, or a movie where you can fast forward to the good part, our lives take time to unfold. The good news is that we have a lot of power in deciding how it unfolds, even if it feels like we’ve been powerless in the past. And, if we are constantly, endlessly engaged in life, consistently doing our healing work (whether that “work” means therapy, or spending a day outside just to be present and grounded, or making art just because it feels good…), then our potential for growth and healing is limitless. 

On today’s recording, you’ll hear me respond to a specific question about how soon we can expect certain feelings to go away, or if they’ll ever go away at all. I’ll be addressing the feelings of hurt we have after narcissistic abuse, and the feeling of ongoing connection to the abuser that we sometimes feel.

To view the Art That Overcomes Instagram page, sign up for weekly emails, schedule a FREE 15-minute Coaching Call, or learn more about The Redefined Process, go here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://linktr.ee/jenniferakramer⁠

Hey there, Overcomer! This summer I’m sharing some previously recorded thoughts on a variety of topics related to healing from narcissistic abuse. I hope this content will resonate with you, and that with each episode you’ll really take the time to consider one action step you can take, based on the insight you’ve received. 

If you need some help with that, I’d love to talk with you. Go to the link below to schedule a free 15 minute coaching session to talk about whatever you’d like. Yes, it’s free, no strings attached.

I’ll also walk you through a practical exercise to start building your confidence and silencing your limiting beliefs.

Self-doubt and low self-worth are hallmark symptoms of narcissistic abuse. The abuser manipulated and brainwashed you to think little of yourself and much of them.

It happened subtly, over time...and with intention.

So, rebuilding your confidence and learning to trust yourself will not happen overnight, and not unless you work for it.

As you listen, I want you to consider: What will you do today to build confidence in yourself and your abilities?

It's okay to celebrate yourself. 

When exploring unwanted emotions like fear, anger, and sadness, I find that my clients’ immediate reaction is that they actually don’t want to explore it at all. Sure, they might come to me voicing their concerns about these emotions…but therein lies the problem. They’re concerned about it, in the sense that they want it gone. They want to jump right to a place where that emotion no longer exists in their universe. Can you relate to that, Overcomer? The bad news is, that doesn't work. It simply isn’t possible. The good news? You CAN learn to ride the waves of uncomfortable emotions and come out okay on the other side. 

Hey, Overcomer. I’m in a bit of a transition right now. I’m sure you know what that’s like. Our lives are full of transitions, some that feel good and some that feel bad. But even in the good ones, there can be lots of grief and other unwanted emotions that come up. Those feelings get all mixed together with the joy, relief, or optimism that we are experiencing as a part of the goodness.

Right now, I’m finding myself in a transition period that feels good overall, but quite honestly, I’m exhausted. And one thing that my heart is feeling extra drawn to in this season, is my practice of artmaking. This summer I’m easing into a new routine where I’m making more time for art…and, also more time to connect with you. Today I want to share about a series of three paintings I started recently, and I’ll also reflect on how important it is for me to continue sharing my artwork with you, and why you should be sharing your art with others too! I promise, it’s not as scary as it sounds…

To view the Art That Overcomes Instagram page, sign up for weekly emails, or learn more about The Redefined Process, go here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://linktr.ee/jenniferakramer⁠