Ask Christopher West

Is taking communion spiritually the same as taking communion physically? Can we experience the true communion of persons in Eden here on Earth? As a woman, I struggle with the number of men who watch porn. I feel like I should be more thoughtful about the way I dress as a result. What do you think?

Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

Want to support the Theology of the Body Institute? Become a Patron!

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Q1: I've heard a lot of people talking about making an act of spiritual communion. Does this replace taking physical communion?

Q2: Through JPII's perspective, is Christ saying that if we regain our humility and trust in God, we can, in a sense, go back to Eden and experience that true communion of persons? Maybe i'm romanticising it to be a return to the perfected image of God, instead of the best we can be in our broken image of God after The Fall. I can see how we can't necessarily reside in that perfect communion of persons due to our brokeness, but can we experience it even for a moment in this life? What are your thoughts and experience with this? I don't know if i should hold out hope for this, or clarify my understanding. Thanks! Sending my love!

Q3: It makes me so uncomfortable knowing how many men watch porn that I live in constant fear someone will look at me and objectify me or sexualize me. I dress modestly, though I'm almost paralyzed by fear of a random man looking at me a certain way. I have a wonderful boyfriend who loves me and doesn't objectify me, and I'm so comfortable around him and my wonderful Catholic guy friends. I would like to dress femininely and elegantly, but I fear showing the shape of my body. I don't want to hide that I'm female obviously. I don't know what to do. How do I cope with the fear of being sexualized? Thank you for reading! I appreciate all you do and absolutely love TOB!

Resources mentioned this week:

Jesus of Nazareth Mini-Series

Christopher's Youtube Channel

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Christopher and Wendy hope their advice is helpful to you, but they are not licensed counseling professionals. If you are dealing with serious issues, please consult our list of trusted professionals.

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Produced by Sounder and Key.

This week, Christopher and Wendy talk about struggles within families. How do I deal with my dad's pornography use? How do I help my mother be at peace with my upcoming marriage? As a disabled person, how do I find a spouse who loves me for me?

Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

Want to support the Theology of the Body Institute? Become a Patron!

Q1: I’m a 24 year old female and I have 5 younger siblings. I currently live at home with my family.

Q2: As I prepare for my upcoming marriage, I've found that my family (mostly my mother) has struggled with the idea of me getting married and "leaving her". (Even though she prayed for me to find a spouse for many years and my family approves and loves my fiance.) She has made comments about how I spend more time with his side of the family or worries how we'll handle future holidays/weekends; it seems that she is hurt by it. I should note that I'm also the first one to get married in my family. How do I handle this in the midst of the joyous time of preparing to enter a sacrament with my fiance?

Q3: I’ve been disabled from birth and marriage is something that’s a desire of my heart for sure. My counselor made me aware of the fact that people will sometimes marry disabled people to obtain government disability benefits. I'm afraid of becoming a victim of this ruthless practice. Any words of wisdom?

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Resources mentioned this week:

Strive by Matt Fradd - Resource for addressing pornography use

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Christopher and Wendy hope their advice is helpful to you, but they are not licensed counseling professionals. If you are dealing with serious issues, please consult our list of trusted professionals.

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Produced by Sounder and Key.

Why do people hoard toilet paper? How do I help my wife deal with my past of pornography addiction? Why is polyamory wrong?

Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

Want to support the Theology of the Body Institute? Become a Patron!

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Q1: Often there are attractive looking women on TV. I know my wife is uncomfortable with my watching them as I used to have a pornography problem. So I turn away and my wife says I am not “healed”. However if I instead continue watching, she gets tense and even says to change the channel. How can I “win”? She has wounds from my precious behavior but blames me for not healing even though I do not indulge anymore.

Q2: Can you talk about the Church's stance on polyamory? I'm pretty sure it's similar to responses to pornography or polygamy in the sense that there is an "other" outside of the relationship, but I'm having trouble articulating specifically why it's wrong according to moral/natural law.

Resources mentioned this week:

Christopher's Youtube Channel - Subscribe to receive daily live videos from Christopher

Fr Jacques Philippe - Searching For and Maintaining Peace

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Christopher and Wendy hope their advice is helpful to you, but they are not licensed counseling professionals. If you are dealing with serious issues, please consult our list of trusted professionals.

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Produced by Sounder and Key.

Christopher and Wendy talk about the experience of a global pandemic. Can I confess over videochat? I want to get married but I lost my virginity to a previous boyfriend before understanding the church's teaching. How should I approach this in a relationship with my future husband?

Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute Director Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

Want to support the Theology of the Body Institute? Become a Patron!

Clarification of Marriage Question

Q0: Christopher and Wendy clarify their answer regarding marriage and the requirements thereof mentioned in the last episode.

Q1: Can confession be administered over FaceTime?

Q2: When I was 19, I had a boyfriend, we committed the great sin of having sexual relations without being married. At the time I didn’t knew anything about TOB, I thought having sex was denied by society more than it was a sin, I didn’t new the terrible sin I was committing :(. Now that I’ve grown in my faith and knowledge I’ve met great guys who have been waiting for holy matrimony to have sex but I fear I’m not good enough for them because cause I’m not a virgin.

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Resources mentioned this week:

Keep up with our schedule of (potentially online) TOB courses!

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Christopher and Wendy hope their advice is helpful to you, but they are not licensed counseling professionals. If you are dealing with serious issues, please consult our list of trusted professionals.

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Produced by Sounder and Key.

My father is divorced from my mother and in a new relationship, and is now receiving the Eucharist. Should I say something? My husband has a form of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. How do I handle this issue within our marriage? In some Christian circles, it's believed that husbands may be justified in cheating if their wives aren't sexually available enough. Where did this mentality come from?

Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

Want to support the Theology of the Body Institute? Become a Patron!

Q1: My parents are divorced, my mom has decided to be by herself for the rest of her life and my dad has a girlfriend. I’ve noticed my mom and dad BOTH take the Eucharist but... you have compared the Eucharist with matrimony so much that I fear they are committing sin. How should I proceed as their daughter?

Q2: I’ve been married to my husband for over twenty difficult years. We recently discovered through both individual and couples therapy that he most likely lives with a form of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. While I have established boundaries that make it clear he is no longer permitted to abuse or threaten me or our children, I still realize that this disorder means he is most likely never going to have a true capacity for self-donative love for me (or anyone). I intend to keep my marriage vows, but what does this mean for the reality of our physically intimate relationship? He has demonstrated time and again that he does not see me as someone to love but as someone to use, and that is unlikely ever to change.

Q3: I grew up in a Protestant household and church and was taught that if a man cheats on his wife because she is not available enough for him sexually, then it is her fault. What I have read of TOB so far has helped me untwist this a bit. But I am curious if you could go deeper into why this is so wrong and how this idea came about?

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Resources mentioned this week:

TOB Head and Heart Immersion Course

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Christopher and Wendy hope their advice is helpful to you, but they are not licensed counseling professionals. If you are dealing with serious issues, please consult our list of trusted professionals.

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Produced by Sounder and Key.

My boyfriend is recovering from a pornography addiction, and I'm worried about its effect on our future marriage. Should I be? Do all Catholic weddings have to take place in a Catholic Church? What is the theological/spiritual similarity between life and death?

Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute Director Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

Want to support the Theology of the Body Institute? Become a Patron!

Q1: My boyfriend and I are preparing for engagement and I do not want that to change. I recently learned that he has struggled with pornography. I know we can work through this and I believe that God's grace can heal us, however, I am scared that I won't believe him when he says he thinks I'm beautiful. I'm worried on our wedding night he will be comparing me to these other women he has seen. I'm scared that I won't want to give myself fully to him and will have a hard time trusting him again.

Q2: Do all Catholics who marry a Catholic have to get married in the Catholic Church?

Q3: I thought you have a million answers, but the last podcast made me think that maybe it is a good idea to respond. It was a long time ago, podcast number 13 that you answerd my question about how to better listen to God! I accepted your challenge, and I found out how much God was already speaking to my heart by music and films...when I didn’t know Him. Still trying to figure out "A Chorus Line". Any idead?

Also, can you can speak about the similarity of birth and death, spiritually/theologically?

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Resources mentioned this week:

Called to Life by Fr. Jacques Philippe

Good News About Sex and Marriage

The Sign of the Dying Body: How the Theology of the Body Helps Us to Die in Love Article by Diane Windley-Daoust

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Christopher and Wendy hope their advice is helpful to you, but they are not licensed counseling professionals. If you are dealing with serious issues, please consult our list of trusted professionals.

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Produced by Sounder and Key.

Christopher and Wendy take a break from listener questions this week to discuss Christopher's recent pilgrimage to the Holy Land. What does it mean to be a pilgrim? What was walking in the footsteps of Jesus like? What does the Holy Land tell us about the scandal of the "HIC"?

Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute Director Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

Want to support the Theology of the Body Institute? Become a Patron!

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Resources mentioned this week:

TOB Institute Pilgrimages

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Christopher and Wendy hope their advice is helpful to you, but they are not licensed counseling professionals. If you are dealing with serious issues, please consult our list of trusted professionals.

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Produced by Sounder and Key.

I know I'm made for motherhood, but in the midst of breastfeeding difficulties, postpartum depression, and other difficulties, my body and brain seem to resist it. How can this be? As a future doctor, how do I lovingly care for transgender patients without affirming a falsehood? My husband relies on sexual intercourse for emotional wellbeing, but I don't seem to be enough for him. How can I help him?

Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute Director Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

Want to support the Theology of the Body Institute? Become a Patron!

Q1: I know on an intellectual level that I was made for motherhood, but in a physical sense, it seems like my body has resisted. I have struggled to successfully breastfeed despite great efforts. I've also had intense postpartum anxiety and depression each time. It seems my brain chemistry is stealing my joy in motherhood. It makes me really feel this dichotomy. How can I be made for motherhood when my body and brain seem to resist it so much?

Q2: I am a medical student and I will be going into clinics in a few short months. How should I approach conversation with and documentation of transgender patients? Obviously, these people need to be loved and cared for by their doctors in the same that all patients do, but i suspect that there will be pressure to call them by their preferred pronouns and to refer to them in that way in official documentation of visits. I do not want to cause scandal by affirming a falsehood, but I also do not want to cause them unecessary suffering in a settting wher I may not have time to establish the relationship it takes to unpack confusion.

Q3: I have seen that my husband relies a lot on sexual intercourse for his emotional well-being, but he's never satisfied. He's been going through very difficult times this past year, mostly because of work-related problems. We also have young children who still wake up at night, and I have a very busy work schedule. We definitely need to work out how and when to take some time for us. But seeing as even when we had time, I was not enough, how can I help him?

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Resources mentioned this week:

Theology of the Body for Beginners

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Christopher and Wendy hope their advice is helpful to you, but they are not licensed counseling professionals. If you are dealing with serious issues, please consult our list of trusted professionals.

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Produced by Sounder and Key.

Before understanding TOB, my wife and I underwent sterilization. Can we still teach TOB? As a woman pregnant with her first child, what can TOB say to me? My girlfriend is not Catholic, but respectful of my beliefs, but I feel called to a relationship where we can grow in Christ together. Do you have any advice?

Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute Director Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

Want to support the Theology of the Body Institute? Become a Patron!

Q1: Before I knew anything about TOB, my wife and I committed the sin of sterilization. We’ve since come to understand what a mistake that was. Can I be a proper teach of TOB when I’ve committed such a sin?

Q2: I’m pregnant with my first baby and reading up on childbirth. What have you learned about TOB and the experience of pregnancy and birth?

Q3: I’ve been struggling with my relationship with my girlfriend for quite some time now. We’ve been dating for about 4 years. I’m a devout Catholic, but my girlfriend isn’t. She’s not at all against what I believe and practice, but there’s definitely something more I want from this relationship: growing together in Christ as a couple. Although she knows I dearly want that from our relationship, she seems pretty reluctant and I’m not sure if it will happen. I’m praying for God’s grace and a miracle. What is your advice on this?

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Resources mentioned this week:

Theology of the Body at the Movies

TOB Pilgrimage to Italy with Bill Donaghy and Fr. Leo

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Christopher and Wendy hope their advice is helpful to you, but they are not licensed counseling professionals. If you are dealing with serious issues, please consult our list of trusted professionals.

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Produced by Sounder and Key.

Is it a sin to read steamy romance novels? How is it possible for me as a husband to be totally "disinterested" in my gift of self? Shouldn't I be "interested"? How can I integrate Theology of the Body into my priesthood?

Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute Director Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

Want to support the Theology of the Body Institute? Become a Patron!

Q1: Is it a sin to read romance novels if they facilitate my sexual relationship with my husband?

Q2: Hi Wendy and Christopher, thank you very much for your inspiring and faithful testimony to the love of God to us human beings and the assignment He has bestowed upon us that we may learn to love as He loves us! As a Protestant Christian, unfortunately, I was beyond 30 when I discovered JPII's TOB but it has been so inspiring and enriching to my life that I have read all the 129/133 Catechesis.

Anyway, what I wanted to ask or rather ask for your thoughts on is the notion "Gift of Self". I think that you have qualified this gift of self as "disinterested". To be honest I don't like this qualification! I think what it is supposed to mean is that I should not give a gift of self out of selfish motive? But I think that is something else than "disinterested". Christ's gift of self was certainly not in any way disinterested; moreover, He hoped and prayed that we as humans would respond to his gift of self through offering ourselves to him. I think this qualification is important because otherwise you - or at least I - feel that I have to reach towards something utterly unattainable when I want to give a gift of self to somebody else, and especially my wife. In this situation, I'm not disinterested, but highly interested in receiving her gift of self in return. In fact, that is often what I long for more than anything else. Now, of course, a gift of self should be given freely, totally, faithfully and fruitfully, without demanding or expecting a return-gift-of-self, but I most surely does hope and wish for reciprocity in our mutual giving of self. Being totally disinterested seems to negate the relationship between us. Thanks for commenting on this!

Q3: I finally caught up on all 46 episodes of your podcast, TOB has been a blessing to me since high school in my own journey of healing. After reading many TOB texts my question is this: how can I as a newly ordained priest formally and informally preach/teach the TOB, especially for youth and young adults? Are there any homily aids by chance?(Christopher, I hear you about garlic/pores and to read your book Good News! :)

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Resources mentioned this week:

Word Made Flesh Book Series

TOB Institute Courses

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Christopher and Wendy hope their advice is helpful to you, but they are not licensed counseling professionals. If you are dealing with serious issues, please consult our list of trusted professionals.

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Produced by Sounder and Key.