A pregnant listener wants to know how to deal with hurt feelings; after her partner; interrupted a conversation to check out another woman. Jess and Brandon share their thoughts on how to deal with sensitive issues like body insecurity, affirmations and feelings of un-attractiveness during pregnancy and throughout life's transitions.

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Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Attraction & Body Image: Communication for Couples

Episode 326

[00:00:00] You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice. You can use tonight.

[00:00:14] Brandon Ware: Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your cohost Brandon here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess, and today we are talking about body insecurity and how we respond to our partners when they make requests.

[00:00:27] Brandon Ware: I mean, it sounds like it would be very simple, but

[00:00:30] Jess O'Reilly: there's always nuance, isn't there?

[00:00:31] Brandon Ware: Always.

[00:00:32] Jess O'Reilly: Yeah. So we received a question from a woman who says she's pregnant with her third child. She's been with her partner for many years, and here's what she says. I've been entrusting him with my physical insecurities during this pregnancy, and I find it hard.

[00:00:47] Jess O'Reilly: to see my body change in this way. So we were at the pool the other day, with our kids, and we were having this face to face conversation with, when suddenly, kind of mid conversation, he checks out this other woman getting out of the pool, in a very obvious way, very much in front of my face, so I'm feeling very hurt from this incident, because I've been really open about how I'm feeling about myself, and his attraction towards me, and I don't really know how to address this.

[00:01:12] Jess O'Reilly: Yeah, why don't you go?

[00:01:14] Brandon Ware: You want me to start? I mean, okay, maybe he's a dick. Whoa. Maybe. Well, I mean, maybe it was also, he noticed something. I mean, I feel like in this circumstance, you got to pay attention to your partner and their request. They're saying, I need this from you. I feel this way. And I feel like perhaps this person didn't listen.

[00:01:34] Brandon Ware: Isn't heeding their advice. Yeah. Heeding like, and responding to their request.

[00:01:38] Jess O'Reilly: Yeah. I'm thinking about folks who are going to say like, Oh, well you're responsible for your feelings, but come on. That's not the whole picture. Right. Right. I think we also. I know we have to be considerate of other people's feelings like we're not responsible for our partner's feelings entirely that but that doesn't mean we can't hurt their feelings you know if you're mid sentence with me and you stop paying attention not just to check someone out but just period I'm gonna have some [00:02:00] feelings if you stand me up I'm gonna have some feelings if you greet me with a big smile I'm likewise gonna have some feelings in response to you right so we say oh people are responsible for their own feelings but we don't live in a in a vacuum so um You know, if I've already told you that I'm feeling out of touch, I'm feeling uncomfortable with my body, and you're ogling someone else in an obvious way, I'm probably going to have some feelings.

[00:02:21] Jess O'Reilly: And it's not necessarily that your ogling is entirely responsible for them,