Babes and Bad Decisions

We’re starting off this week with a game — is Emily a bad person? Probably not, but you’d hate her if you were dating her ex (…there’s nothing wrong with a little ego stroke, right?). And this week’s tip: you can ditch men and take their money, but don’t do it to your friends! And if you’re going to take a souvenir from a one night stand, don’t commit fraud! Also, take this episode as a sign to move your nudes and change your Snapchat password (you’ll thank us later). And did you know about the hotness conversion rates between Tallahassee, Nashville, and New York City? But no matter where you are, rebounding is generally easier for men because there’s 🙄men🙄 and there’s ✨women✨. And while Charlotte is hunting for her next man 4 months in advance, Emily and Elaina have clearly been in the South for too long because all it takes is a simple “yes ma’am” to get to them. Plus the classic southern dating app dilemma — is this man a N*zi or not? No matter how hard we try, we are still left begging the question “How dare the man who liked me first, and I had to make myself like, break up with me?!” We’ll just leave you with this: if it doesn’t bring you inspiration, an orgasm, or income it doesn’t belong in your life. All this and more on Babes and Bad Decisions!

Here’s a funny joke: your cheating ex, your ex “man who’s not your man,” and the guy you ghosted on Hinge all walk into a bar…and somehow you all end up in Bikini Bottom? Our exes have come back to haunt us this week, some via social media and others via nightmares. Men without common sense or self awareness? Groundbreaking. So, as always, we start off another episode with a “f*ck men” anecdote and remind you to tip your therapist friends! Teaching every man you date how to NOT be a sh*tty person is exhausting, so men, in 2021 let’s stop speaking. Then we get into the nitty gritty of this episode — what to do when your ex starts dating someone else. We’ve all been there and have all handled it differently (hopefully you handle it better than Emily did!). And we know, depression is nothing to joke about (unless it’s your own) but if you’re spiraling, watch out for a harsh text from Emily. Exes have a weird way of sliding back into your life. PSA: stop watching their Instagram stories if you’re not going to text them back! And crushing on your ex rarely goes well either, so if your ex getting into a relationship is going to affect you, it might be best to take your space from them. We could block them, which is probably better, but where’s the fun in that? And stick around for a once-in-a-lifetime story of Charlotte’s ex being respectful (yeah, we were shocked too!). Basically, if you’re a cheating ex or married with kids, just stay away or Charlotte will take your money. All this and more on Babes and Bad Decisions!

This year has already been off to a wild start, so we have some stories for you! If you want to be infuriated by entitled men, listen to Emily’s first story. Seriously, where do they get the audacity? In the spirit of last episode, always protect your friends from scary men! And remember, men ain’t sh*t…unless they buy you a plane ticket. This week Emily shares the tale of her last minute escapade in New York City with her sugar daddy and the escape room she had to go through to get there. She spills every part of the weekend (and we mean EVERYTHING) including some surprisingly intelligent conversations about women’s pleasure, feminism, and the effects of birth control on attraction (unfortunately, Charlotte is still attracted to man-children). Elaina shares how Tik Toks are making her more bisexual by the day and her continual fear of being on the hit TV show “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant” (sponsor us Kyleena!). But don’t worry if you don’t know your egg count — there’s a Buzzfeed quiz for that! Charlotte shares more secrets about how to make the Patriarchy work for you, but absolutely do not take her advice on how to non-creepily DM people on Instagram (hint: you can’t just cold call them like on Bumble). Stick around until the end to hear Emily’s revelation about her rich ex and the bold new steps she took. All this and more on Babes and Bad Decisions!

TW: Sexual assault and trauma

This episode contains heavy content but it’s all things we need to discuss. We also acknowledge that we speak in heavily gender binary terms, but the gender spectrum is so much more complex than we can discuss in an entire episode and we completely understand that this topic is inclusive of all our trans, non-binary, and gender queer friends.

This week we ask the question: Are you simping for the patriarchy? We deep dive into the differences in speech patterns between men and women, the subculture of women, and boundaries. We learn that Emily has sympathy for babies, grandparents, and women and THAT’S IT. We understand that “Just Say No” isn’t that simple, but it’s important to be blatant in calling out men that make you uncomfortable! Cause a scene! Take up space! DO IT! And this episode is for our male listeners too! Charlotte teaches us her many grocery store lessons, including the correct way to give a woman a compliment — even though Emily says if you feel the need to compliment a women, don’t. To our male listeners — this week we ask you to reflect on your actions and how they could come off as predatory. The world is inherently more dangerous for women, LGBTQ+, and gender queer folks, and we ask you to do your part in making it a little less scary. We also talk about the sensitive topic of trauma and how it’s hard to label when you’re not ready to recognize it as trauma. We’re always here for you and we’re always ready to remind you to be the intimidating, confident babe that you are! We love you!

Xoxo, the Babes

We really should’ve called this podcast “Who Hurt You?” because this week the babes are jaded and ready to spill! We reminisce on our successes (and mostly failings) in long distance relationships. We talk about what you should do (ahem, BREAK UP WITH HIM) and what you should absolutely not do (like get into a long distance relationship last fricking minute!) We’ve noticed a trend: once a woman leaves, the man all of a sudden wants them… stop it. Arguing also sucks way more when it’s long distance (but a flip phone makes it so much cooler.) We also talk about long distance intimacy and forced celibacy which can be good or bad depending on how you look at it. Basically learn from our mistakes and do not enter college in a relationship, especially not a long distance relationship! You have to have way more trust and be able to uphold your boundaries more in a long distance relationship, so we recommend that if you are going to enter one, you already have a strong foundation and an end date in sight…or just go Charlotte’s route and follow the rule of “No Communication = No Fights!” All this and more on Babes and Bad Decisions!

In a world full of uncertainty, we hope this podcast finds you well…

We’re starting off early this morning, so everyone say hi to Emily’s morning voice! We’re also recording over zoom today (how appropriate) so excuse the few technical difficulties.

This week we’re normalizing putting your Covid test results in your dating app bios! Since the Covid talk is the new STD talk, it’s better to get that out of the way first, then you can move on to some of our safe in-person dating ideas. The most important thing to ask yourself before going out on a date is “Is this person worth getting Covid for?” If they don’t wear a mask in public, the answer is NO. We don’t kink shame here, but we sure do sock shame, so remember: masks stay ON and socks come OFF. You should still tip your therapist even when she calls you out for being single (@Charlotte), but you shouldn’t listen to the Tik Tok algorithm when it tells you that a relationship is in your future (@Emily). Your normal shell may have turned into a Pandemic Boulder, but now is definitely NOT the time to go back to your ex — just email them! And this episode isn’t just for people looking for relationships! We also talk about the best ways to make your relationship last in a pandemic. For Elaina, it’s a Razor scooter. For you, it could be a pogo stick. But remember, even in a relationship you can still have sex with yourself! So keep the masks on and your filter off! Good luck!

Best,

The Babes

This week is a fun continuation of our “Making Charlotte Uncomfortable” series! It’s all about consent, boundaries, and communication. We talk about our own hard and soft limits and discover that while Charlotte is very set in her ways, Emily and Elaina are Kinky Lite™️. This episode we look to our friends in the kinky community and share their healthy views on normalizing limits, conversations, and Emily’s favorite, aftercare! Sexual events can trigger emotional responses, and that’s okay! It’s important to explore things at your own pace and have open and honest communication with your partners. Boundaries change over time and can change from partner to partner, so don’t be afraid to talk it out. Something people don’t always understand is that asking for consent can be hot! Don’t be afraid to make them beg for it or tell your partner exactly what you want. Plus, talking with your partners beforehand is one of the best types of foreplay. Talking = Orgasm! But seriously, consent should always be an ongoing conversation and you should never assume you have consent for something. So remember, bring a condom with you everywhere, know the difference between dominance and aggression, and “Whoa, wrong hole buddy!” works every time… All this and more on Babes and Bad Decisions!

Welcome back to another “we hate men” episode! We know we’ve had a couple heavy episodes recently, but this one is only TraumaLite(TM). We have some very strong opinions on menswear (specifically flip flops). If you drive a truck and wear a cowboy hat you have Charlotte’s attention, but if you wear cowboy boots turn back around, buddy. This week we’ll teach you what NOT to say in bed, the different kinds of virginity, and all about dealbreakers. And don’t worry, we’ve already called Charlotte’s therapist. All this and more on Babes and Bad Decisions!

PS- Stream Emily’s new song “Take Me Back” by Emily Grace!