Be It Till You See It

Join Lesley and Alice as they discuss the essence of daily happiness, the art of nurturing joy, the role of perspective, and the significance of human balance, all while navigating life confidently amidst chaos. 

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected] .

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In this episode you will learn about:

• Effective strategies to cultivate personal happiness.
• How to prioritize self in a chaotic modern world.
• Practical ways to incorporate mindfulness into everyday routines.
• How to channel Chinese elements into superhero personas for empowerment.
• Benefits of Face Yoga and its impact on your well-being.

Episode References/Links:

• Follow Alice on IG
• Follow Alice on Facebook
• Happiness U website
• Learn Face Yoga on the Youthify Face Club
• Youthify Face Club Face Yoga Class Gift Link

Guest Bio:

Alice Inoue is a life expert and founder of Happiness U. She helps people find answers in life and get clarity on anything they are going through. She does this through personal consultations, classes, small-group coaching, corporate training, our self-created psychometric assessment, articles and nine books.

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Episode Transcript:

Alice Inoue 0:00  

When you look at different polls that are taken, you ask people what do you want in life, it will be I want money, I want love, I want health and happiness is always on there. And sometimes the things that people want are because they think that will make them happy. And I think that my, what I stand upon is that we create our own happiness based on our perspective and how we look at situations and that life is always bringing you exactly what you need not really what you want.

Lesley Logan 0:27  

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.

I want to tell you this right now, what I love about doing these intros as I do them after I've talked to the guests, I don't know if you know that that's how I do them. So sometimes I give all the spoilers away in the intro. Sorry. But also, I just think sometimes you can listen to a topic and you think, oh, maybe this person isn't for me. And I just want to make sure that you know that they're all here for you. Because you're gonna pick up different things at different times. And if you're gonna re-listen to some of the episodes, you might pick up on different things. I have some podcast episodes that I like have saved I'll go back and go, Oh, I forgot that. So anyways, today's guest she was referred to us and I looked at her website and I was like, Heck yeah, I haven't heard anyone talk about this. I'm gonna just tell you, she was like, better than I am like I could have ever anticipated. I don't know what I was anticipating. But also like, sometimes when you hear buzzwords like happiness, or, you know, I don't know, there's, you know, mindfulness and alignment. Sometimes you're like, okay, can they really get down to like the brass tacks, like how to do that, like, as someone who likes to, like know, the nitty gritty, like, can you tell me how to repeat this experiment that you've done, y'all she can, so you're gonna leave with a smile on your face, it's so big. And you're gonna learn a whole heck of a ton on on happiness, yourself, permission, and a little dose of face yoga in there. So my loves thank you for being here. Thank you for always listening to the podcast, thank you for downloading it, you have no idea. Every time you download, it's really big deal. It actually is like, literally currency for us. So thank you, every time you share a podcast with someone, even one person, you have no idea how impactful that is. So never underestimate the power of what you have in your hand. And how you how you can impact the world. And this episode, I think is going to change your life in the best of ways. And it's a way it's going to change others around you as well. You're amazing that you're being here. And here's Alice Inoue. 

All right, Be It babe, I'm really excited to have this amazing conversation. So our today's guest was introduced to us by a former guest, which is always so fun, because it's someone who loved us so much and love the experience. Like you'd have to talk to this person. And when someone has Happiness U as like their business, of course, I have to talk to this person So, Alice, Inoue, welcome to the Be It pod will you tell everyone who you are and what you're up to?

Alice Inoue 3:19  

Hi, Lesley, thank you. I am Alice Inoue. And I live in Honolulu, Hawaii, and I'm the founder of a business called Happiness U and we're in business for 10 years. And we opened as a brick and mortar, basically a place where you could learn everything you wanted to learn about life that you didn't learn in school. And so we do this through presentations, coaching, community groups, all of that. So really, just to help people find clarity in life.

Lesley Logan 3:46  

Oh, my goodness, that's 10 years ago, you started this the brick and mortar, you're like, hey, come to school here come to Happiness with me. Was that easy? Were people like, yes, that's exactly what I needed. Or was it people like that over there?

Alice Inoue 3:59  

No, it's like you're doing what? Why? And it was I thought it was such a I was doing, you know, life coaching. I'm an astrologer. I'm a Feng Shui a person. So I was doing all this help, help self help kind of stuff. And I thought, well, wouldn't it be great because I met all these other experts that could also have information to offer. Wouldn't it be great to have a school and so I wanted to call it The School of Life and people are like life is hard. Why would we go to that? Try to get a loan from the bank? Forget it. They're like no business model. Like why don't you just do it online. But I really just wanted a place where people could come and get insight in in a brick and mortar at first, and we had like beanbag chairs and bright colorful interior so that we could do that. But why it was difficult is the idea. While the idea was great, who wouldn't like a place called Happiness U. I felt that people just didn't make the time to come down and take care of themselves, their pet their dog, their grandparents their work. So it was a struggle seriously to really get people I wanted members, I wanted people to come and take classes from all these great teachers. So it was hard, but I can I can say for the fifth year, it started to kind of kind of take off and then as the pandemic hit, we went online a lot. And and that was where it was become became really, really necessary.

Lesley Logan 5:19  

Yeah, I was gonna say you're probably like, having all those years behind you, when the pandemic that you were, like, set up to support people. And it was in a way, I you know, it doesn't it sadly, doesn't surprise me that it was hard to sell people on a Happiness U place or and I don't know that you were if you were online at that time, if you would have had it any different. You know what I mean? Because people, it's almost like they see happiness is for people over there. Oh, it's easy for those happiness is for those people. Because of the life I had. I'm just it's not, it's not possible for it's like they don't believe it, right? Am I, is that what you found?

Alice Inoue 5:53  

Or they're like, are they like, there's there's just a whole bunch of unhappy people there. Do people just go and cry? It's just the concept of it. Oh, like, you know, what my mother in law needs that class. Like, I had all the quips and excuses. And, and then people said, it's like insurance, just knowing I was there was good enough, but that didn't pay my bills. So it took it took some time. But I really believed in the vision and I it's, it's funny now. It's just what I do. And I live in in Hawaii. So it's quite known here. And we just since the pandemic and last year to start this online. Happiness U Hui which is like a community gathering. So now we get to interact with more people. And it's a lot better. 

Lesley Logan 6:32  

Yeah, yeah. I think also people got a big reset on like, what's important to them? Like, you know, yeah. Okay, so let's just kind of talk about happiness, because I do. I do think when people say, oh, my mother-in-law, it's like, oh, what is your happiness box check. So like, what? What is happiness you defined as? And like, what are some signs, we need more happiness in our life?

Alice Inoue 6:57  

Okay. So I think what it is, is, and it's interesting that it's called Happiness U. So of course, we're thinking of happiness. When you look at different polls that are taken, you ask people, What do you want in life, it will be I want money, I want love, I want health and happiness is always on there. And sometimes the things that people want are because they think that will make them happy. And I think that my, what I stand upon is that we create our own happiness based on our perspective, and how we look at situations and that life is always bringing you exactly what you need, not really what you want. And by shifting our perspective into just understanding how to navigate life, I think that's what it what it is, and happiness, what I found out and why I was able to kind of open the school back in 2008, they had, they had a bunch of science come out and say that happiness is a skill. It's something that you learn, just like how you learn to tie or how you learn to play racquetball or something, the more you practice it, the happier you get. So what we do is we offer tools, and they're just in the form of everyday life experiences, specifically such as, like, how do you become happier? How you go and get happier? Like is, you know, is it a reading a book? Is it? What is it so the tools that have been proven to work and to kind of up your, you know, create those neural networks that create more happiness is really at the end of the day. And this is so good, because I've seen it happen and work with thousands of people at the end of the day, you look back, and you think of three specific things that went well, because you notice that the end of the day, it's like, oh, that didn't go well, I didn't finish that I started to have several (inaudible). So you make your brain scan the day and think of three specific things that went well has to be specific. You do this for seven days in a row. On the eighth day, magically, your brain forms a new neural network, because we don't want to work hard. And it's hard work scanning the day and looking for what's good. So then all of a sudden, your brain will show you a little bit more of what's good. So that's why you hear about gratitude journals. It I think a lot of times you don't need to do it correctly, I'll just say it's great to be grateful for this and grateful for that. But if you can write down I am grateful for my, my father or mother because she or he did this, like if you are specific. You can think about it when you're negative. You're so specific. I can't stand that person because she always done that or that or that it were so specific when it's negative, but when it's positive or just like oh, I'm thankful for my body. I'm thankful for the day. And so that does not make you happier because we're focusing on the specifics of the negative so it's focusing on the specifics of what is good, it is going to create that balance.

Lesley Logan 9:42  

Okay. I love this so much because I love celebrations like we have, we have FYF which is Fuck Yeah, Friday and so Friday, you must celebrate something that went well and you're week because we have a lot of overachievers and perfectionist who listen, hello, I see you and I like if we could see Start doing on Friday, eventually you'll start doing on Saturday too or Sunday or Monday. But I do love that you're saying like at the end of the day scan for what went well. So it's not been perfect. It's not what like, it's like what went well today what was oh, my commute was actually so easy today like getting that specific. I like that. And it's true, then your brain also just starts going, oh, this went well and to start looking for things because you're you're ending the day on a high note. And you're, you're actually like, there's a there's an act of celebration and like what went well, but at the end of the day, I love this.

Alice Inoue 10:30  

Because you putting value? Because we all know, we all know what didn't go well. We all know what what we still have to do. We all know the stressors that's natural, because that comes to our brain first. But when you take that little extra effort, right, just like you're exercising your body to be more in shape, you're exercising your brain to be smarter in the way that it feeds you information. And it's it's as easy as choosing to do something like that. It's as easy as that. And that's what why I'm so inspired by it, because it's easy, you don't just want to believe every thought that pops in your head, because so many times it's just not even valuable to you. So we're looking for value, specific value, because it's always there. If you look for it.

Lesley Logan 11:11  

Yeah. No, you're, you're 100%, right. And also, like, we've had some brain experts on who are like, well, you're, if you're frustrated with yourself, because you're always going to the negative, like just so you know, your brain is predisposed to do that for safety. So like you it's not, that's why we do have to practice. And I think it is actually really interesting that you're talking about this in a way because it's true. You know, happiness is a skill. And I think we think of it as an emotion as something that should just be like, like air, like it should just be around us.

Alice Inoue 11:42  

Like getting the vibe of happiness.

Lesley Logan 11:43  

Yeah. And we're like, oh, I want to be around other happy people because like, and it's like, well, yes, but also, when you think of it as muscle as a skill, then it is something that you can get better at and that you can actually tap into like a like a second language, you might know you can like pick that out. Right? This is okay, so one of those tasks we could do to get better happiness skills is the celebration at the end of the day. I love that. Are there have you ever met someone who thinks that they're like, other people need their happiness training, but really, they're not recognizing that they too, you know, you know, the projector?

Alice Inoue 12:15  

Yeah, of course. And what's really interesting is no one can change unless they want to change, right? Like, no one, like people will say, well, can I bring my daughter to you? Can I bring my friend to you, she really needs you. It's fine. Bring them but they will not. It's that self-awareness that I have that power to change my life because we're so without that self-awareness, we blame and complain and it's like everybody else's fault. And, and tell someone's ready to say, You know what, I'm ready. I want this. And sometimes they want fantasies, right? So oh, they hang around the fairies and the in the unicorns and but then you come down to it, you're empty inside. So it's kind of like it has to be a self-directed thing. So I never, I always feel like you can't just shove a book in someone's face, they have to be ready. So you can give them all this information. Nothing will happen in one day, the paradigm shifts and then they they're ready. So I think you can't really can't really do much except take care of yourself. And the better that you can like, cultivate your own life and your own happiness. Let's call it the more you'll impact others to do the same. So yeah, it's hard, right?

Lesley Logan 13:22  

Be the change that you want to see, right.

Alice Inoue 13:26  

Cliche, but it really is like, sometimes I feel like you can't, you can't change the people around you. And if anyone bothers you or irritates you, they're really there to help you grow and move, move. You know, it's just that complete ownership of your life. And that's where I feel like you started having control over what's going on in your life.

Lesley Logan 13:47  

What are some of your favorite ways to take care and prioritize yourself? Because, you know, as you said, like, we have to take care of so we have to work on ourselves. So like, what are your favorite ways to do that right now?

Alice Inoue 13:49  

No, my favorite way, which is something that I've been really talking about a lot lately that I realized, have you ever heard, have you heard people say, I don't have time for myself, like I have work, I have my kids, I have this everybody needs a piece of me and I'll take what's left, but there's nothing left at the end of the day, the week or month. So my recent, funny you should ask, just recently, when I talked to my community and my people I said, you think of yourself like a client, put yourself in the calendar. Like I wish I had time to come on your podcast, why don't I have time to talk to myself, right? So we talked to everybody else, but we don't talk to ourselves. So what I do is, I block out time for myself. It's so simple, but it's so important because I am the fuel for everything I do say or achieve. So I know that to nourish myself is the most more thing. So that's how I do it. I actually schedule blocks of time and if I have to move it, that's fine, but I move it and I don't accept anything that's beyond what I want and everyone's doing the journey how to say no, draw your boundaries. And that's why we come in handy at Happiness U because we talk about how important you are Are as a source of your own happiness. So yeah, I think it's scheduling me into my schedule.

Lesley Logan 15:07  

Yeah, that's fine. You know, I love that you said this because I literally just told somebody before, on the recording, they said, oh, I'm not making enough time for what all the things I want to do. And I'm like, well, are they are the things you want to do on your calendar? No, and I'm like, the only way I get things done you guys is if it's in like, it literally is in my calendar. Like it literally says done for the day. Like as soon as we're done recording, it says done for the day. Why? So that I don't just like, oh, I have a couple more hours till dinner. No, I don't, I'm done for the day. I have, like, I have a block of time. That's like, free time. And it's not really free to do whatever. There's a list of things I can choose from in that block. So it's like, you can go for a walk around the block. You could read a book, you could lay in front of this like saying, oh, what do I want to do right now for me?

Alice Inoue 15:56  

Yeah, and you know, our moments today, right? This moment is seizing the next moment. So if we're always seating, busy moments, we never really get out of that busy life. So if we can see some moments, just some moments, and if you don't mind, let me just share one more thing. People have so much to do, right? So much you were busy, busy, busy. Now, if you don't have a deadline, and you are not taking downtime for yourself, what are you going to do, you're gonna get distracted, you're gonna pick up your phone, and all of a sudden you're on and you're gonna feel guilty while you're doing other stuff, thinking you should be working. And then you're just splitting your energy not taking a break. So if you're going to get distracted, take that phone, take that item, whatever you're distracted by, go and go. I am inspired to do this right now. Because you're not getting any work done anyway. She's going to be distracted and recognizing we live in a polar world up, down, left, right, hot, cold, sweet, sour night and day, we if we exhale, we're doing all this exhaling, we need to inhale. So it's like just recognizing we are human beings, like we need balance. And so if you don't create balance, your body will take it. It'll just take it and you'll get distracted and feel frustrated. Because you think you're not productive. not getting anything done. Yeah. Yeah. Take a break. 

Lesley Logan 17:14  

You know, I know. Well, that's just it. Like I love the reframe. It's like, I'm inspired to be distracted on my phone right now. Like, just like, take ownership of it. And then you don't feel like you wasted the time because you chose to do it.

Alice Inoue 17:26  

Exactly, because you're doing it anyway. Just like your eat like you don't you're on a diet, you shouldn't eat chocolate cake. Oh, delicious, chocolate cake come, you're eating it, you're feeling guilty, I shouldn't be eating it, you're not even enjoying the beautiful, delicious cake. Because you're feeling guilty, then you feel bad, then you feel fat. And then like, what's the use, you're gonna eat the cake, eat the cake, you're gonna get distracted, be distracted, giving yourself permission for downtime allows you to be more productive, productive, and bring your whole self to the table. So the key is bring your whole stuff to whatever you're doing. Don't say should I should be exercising more, I should be cleaning my room. Because you're not you're doing something else value what you're doing. And if you say I should ask yourself why? Who says it's somebody's voice in your head. So again, it comes back to owning your life, owning your time you create your moments. And so I just find that sometimes we need to give ourselves permission.

Lesley Logan 18:16  

Yeah, I think so a lot of times, also permission to be happy. Right? I think that that's another there's a lot of guilt around happiness. Like if there's some I deserve it. Yeah, I don't. Or also, I shouldn't be happy right now. Because the world is like caving in on all of us. 

Alice Inoue 18:34  

The world is going through so much chaos right now our economic turmoil, financial turmoil, all of the advent of AI technology, jobs being lost, like go on and on. So if we get too caught up in that, we start feeling like that's our problem. And if it is your problem, go out and do something about it. But if it's not your problem worrying about it is not going to do any good create good where you're at, you know, eat, eat good food, take care of your friends and your family. Like, it's just we have to bring our energy back. It's it's hard. It's very difficult, because there's a lot of worry and concern about the future.

Lesley Logan 19:10  

Yeah, I think that that's such a great point to highlight, like, if it is your job to solve that problem in this world.

Alice Inoue 19:16  

Well do something. Yes. But like, I there's no amount of things I could do to stop the failure of the bank. There's no amount of things I can do to stop the political agendas that are happening. And if I feel like I'm led to go march, go do something, I'll do it. But it's stuff that as I said, it's just like, it doesn't mean you don't care. It means you care enough about yourself to realize that this is not your journey. Your journey could be somewhere else and we all contribute to our journeys in different ways.

Lesley Logan 19:44  

Yeah, I think that's like, it's like, if you're called, I had a friend who because of you know, the school shootings that are happening, she's got children. I watched her like add to the things that she does in a day by like creating a group and getting a finding out what she can do in her computer. In her city, like she, like found out what she could do, she found people to help her do it. And she's doing it versus like talking about it with your friends every time you see them. And like just writing worry, it's like, it's like it's like, then then go do something or go vote for the person who can do something. But like you just lamenting over it is actually removing happiness and possibility for everybody around you throughout the whole day.

Alice Inoue 20:23  

Yeah, yeah. Can people say, well, don't you care? How can you just be so nonchalant? It's like, it's not like, I don't care. I just know that that's not, that's not where I'm going to place my energy. I feel like I can do more good here. So it's like choosing what you do during the day choosing it's that responsibility of what are you doing? And what is what you're seeing in alignment with what you're doing? 

Lesley Logan 20:44  

Yeah, yeah, I understand that, you know, we, we've had people on before, who like talked about, like, charitable work. And it's like, because of like, how, like, there's so many things that she like, you pick one you're passionate about, you just go all in, and you know that like, yes, that other one needs it too. But like, you know, like, make the change where you can make it and then and give yourself permission to be okay with like that. That is enough. And it's and I don't say I would say that same as us. I don't say to be nonchalant. But it's like, we're no good to anybody treating ourselves like we're not good enough and not taking time for ourselves. You can't, you can't even be kind to the person you're buying coffee from, you can't even be kind when you're dry, you can't be kind of useful you're working with. So like, we do have to figure out a way that we can show up and make the impact we want to make and then give ourselves permission for not making an impact somewhere else.

Alice Inoue 21:31  

Yes, yes.

Lesley Logan 21:32  

What are your favorite go tos for giving yourself permission.

Alice Inoue 21:37  

I practiced it so much that it becomes a habit. And that's really what I think is so valuable about make your life better. So if you if you or someone came in, they said, you know, I just don't feel happy, right? So I just don't feel happy. I want to be happy. So I would say well, what do you want? You know, what do you want? And then they they want more time for myself? Right? Okay, let's find out how to make time. But I can't because of this and that then wait. So it's giving yourself permission. And that's all it is. And once you do it, that feeling of power is so freeing, in a sense. So if you if I if I would take an informal survey of what people want in life, I know there's scientific studies done, but just to the people I've worked with, people want love, they want peace. And they want they want freedom. And they want joy and happiness, love peace. And it usually comes down to when they come with a problem. These are one of the things it's like they want freedom from such and such. They want peace, they want love or they want happiness. So yeah, it is it's it's tough now right to, to kind of be feel valued. And so we have to always it's just the opposite. You have to look for exactly, why do you deserve and if people say I don't deserve it, you have to dig a little like, who says that? Like you heard that somewhere? That's not you.

Lesley Logan 22:52  

Right? Right. I they're like, it always goes back to getting to know yourself and like figuring out why you have the story that you have for yourself. Like who like who didn't do that? Who said that? And also like, I you know, I love it when you're like why do you want that? Oh, because I like keep going well, then why do you want that like just digging down a little bit more. But you know, giving yourself permission, you said you could do it so much. I think people forget, like, you don't have to give yourself permission to take a whole day off y'all. You just give yourself permission to take five minutes without your device, you know, or to like get up 10 Min. Like give yourself permission to read for 10 minutes before you start something else in your day. You know, like, I happen to love, like giving myself permission to play hooky. Like I'm like, I may or may not play hooky for hours, mostly tomorrow. And I'm really excited for whatever I decide there. But like, you know, there's something about it that can be really fun. And it is a it is a practice and it's gonna feel weird in the beginning cuz you're like, I'm giving myself permission to do nothing right now. 

Alice Inoue 23:50  

Yeah. A have a really good one. Have you guys have you ever been working and then it's like, you have to use the bathroom, but you just hold it because you're like working. And then also you're like, Okay, I gotta go. And then you run to the bathroom. And then you're running back. So there's this thing that I've, that I started to do, because people said I'm too busy to practice mindfulness. So what you do is you have to use the bathroom anyway, right? So use the time from when you're at your desk to walk to the bathroom. And that's when you that's your mind. That's yourself time you breathe, you count the steps you feel the soap on the water, you smell it, you wash your hands. So you do it. You stay in that moment. And that gives your brain a break when you wash dishes instead of just going oh dishes yuck I hate it. Hey, this is self-time. Just enjoy the cleaning of it being that moment like it's just putting these moments of peace because we're in such a hurried hectic life sometimes and so there are times like that you can do it. You're walking from your office to the car, you're home to the car. Just these types of habits bring a bit of peace into your life because like I said, we seize the moment. So if we can seize the moment with some mindfulness, some being present Don't like just take 10 breaths as you're walking to the restroom and come back, I guarantee you'll feel better you're putting more oxygen in your brain, you've given yourself a break, you can be present, otherwise, we're scattered. And as you're scattered, you're not even gonna remember, like yesterday or last week, because you're gonna be like, Oh my god, I was so busy. I don't remember a thing about last year. And so if if life is meant to be lived, we have to live it and bring our mind into the present versus worrying about past and figuring out what about the future just like just be here because we're okay. Like, you're okay, we're all here. Okay, today, this minute, might not feel like it. But if we start seeing a little bit more, it starts to lighten that experience and expand like that time horizon.

Lesley Logan 25:40  

Yeah. 100%. While you're talking about this, I, I recall, like, I took a mindfulness training. So when I lived in L.A., I lived in a UCLA neighborhood, and UCLA has a mindfulness training, you could actually get certified in mindfulness. And I thought it was like a degree. And I'm like, cool, I should go do that. I mean, I didn't you guys, because you needed to go to three silent retreats. And that meant also no writing. And I was like, no writing, no speaking, like, Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I needed that somewhere. I gotta put my thoughts somewhere. So yeah. However, I did take some of the trainings just to like, preempt, like, get there. And one of the things I remember thinking, this is crazy, we were just taking me to freeze grapes. And then like, was the online class before COVID. Like, okay, you're gonna take one of your frozen grapes and put in your mouth, and you're gonna sit there and like, pay attention to it. And I was like, What in the world? And what is so funny, as I remember going, I've never paid attention to the grape in my mouth. Like, I've never paid attention to any like, or maybe I had one as a kid. But I'm certainly haven't done as an adult. And it was like, the simple things like, as you're saying that people might be going really what it's like, yeah, you don't realize how you're not even paying attention to when you walk down the hallway, you're thinking about what you left at your desk, or you're thinking about where you need to go when you get back? And it's like, what if you just walked to the hall? Like, what if you walk from your car to the door and just like, didn't think about anything, but suffer like, Oh, look at the plants or look at the sky or count your steps? Like the people don't realize it counting is a way of being mindful because you're not. So I love that one of the trainings I did when I was doing a habits training. He, BJ Fogg was saying, like, we all have things we do every morning, every afternoon, every evening, like it just happens, because those are like when your meals are also happening, but also like commutes. And he said, like, really look at count, write down all the things you already do without even thinking about it. Because you can place habits there. Like being mindful. Yeah. So like, you know, you know, you're gonna brush your teeth, you can be mindful while you're brushing your teeth.

Alice Inoue 27:39  

All of that. And it just takes a little bit of effort. But once it becomes a habit, it's something that really is like moments for yourself. So it's so it's so hard, but yet so easy. And that's what's interesting. Some people just say, I don't have time, I gotta wait until I finish everything else before I do something for myself. And the answer is you don't have to change your life relation that you can start doing stuff right in the day. And that really, it can be very profoundly.

Lesley Logan 28:08  

Yeah, yeah. What are you excited about right now? What do you what are you most excited about right now?

Alice Inoue 28:12  

Right now, what I'm really excited about is I created a psychometric system based on the Chinese five elements of wood, water, fire, all of that stuff. So it's these elements, and it's called, (inaudible) and I would I took these Chinese elements, and I personified them and made them into superheroes. And I know there's no video here, but like, I've created like, superhero characters around it. So it's an assessment that I created, wrote a book on it and everything. And it started becoming part of team building and corporate team building, and then your crazy series of synchronicities, McDonald's found it and so I'm able to, I've been able to, like, kind of see this thing and all it is, is about, about if you, if you take my assessment, it's like you take the assessment, it's like, there's a book, it's online, it's free. And anyway, you take the assessment and you come out with an archetype like I'm the intuitive luminary, you might be the spontaneous initiator. And so there's these 20 archetypes, but it shows you what your superpowers are, what your weaknesses are. So I guess right now, I'm really inspired in just up leveling that whole thing and licensing it and all of that, so that. 

Lesley Logan 29:17  

Oh my god, that's pretty exciting. If McDonald's is like, hey, we want to do also like so cool to be able to partner with a company that can touch so many people in a way and maybe get them to think of themselves in a positive way. Like that's really cool.

Alice Inoue 29:34  

Yeah, so I felt like that's been really fun and other large sort of national organizations have picked that up and I'm also really excited of course about my Happiness U Hui because I've never done I was all such an in-person thing. Like I've been amazing. I'm like old school and you know, I'm a lot older than most people. So it's like being in person is the thing, but then because of pandemic, I wasn't able to keep that, that the space and so we went online and now it's super fun because like how you have on doing like this podcast, like, I get to do these little weekly things. And yeah, I'm actually really inspired by that. That's number two. And one more thing over the pandemic, I found face yoga.

Lesley Logan 30:13  

Okay, I read this in your notes, and I was like, I really do hope that she brings this up. So okay, I heard about face yoga, and I'm gonna be honest, I like I was like, I don't know that I wanted to come up through my feet. So I'm just not gonna Google it because then I'll get face yoga prompts, but I'm looking at you right now. And I'm just gonna say, I need to know what you're doing. 

Alice Inoue 30:30  

Okay, so I turn 60 bext year.

Lesley Logan 30:32  

Oh my gosh.

Alice Inoue 30:35  

So I when I started, when I turned 50 I started noticing like that I was getting that square look, you know, it's normal for gels, nasal labial folds and all of that to come up. That's pandemic and then somehow I saw something on face yoga and I was like, huh, that's really interesting, but this is what it is. You have 57 muscles above our from our neck up. And if you think about exercise, we know to exercise your biceps, our glutes, our abs to stay healthy, but these muscles never get any exercise and they just drift so give that gravity they just falls your skin is stuck to your muscles so your skin droop you lose collagen elastin you start drooping about this five-minute yoga book. And I just started doing it watching TV. Like weird stuff, right? And then one day I was like, oh my God, my gels are gone. I'm not even kidding you. So you see my face right now.

Lesley Logan 31:25  

But I don't watch on YouTube y'all. We can see your face. Yeah.

Alice Inoue 31:28  

I don't have like flapping stuff. I used to jog and flap and then my eyes I used to have to like hold it up because my eyelids would bump on my eyelashes. So I was able to kind of lift my face naturally because the muscles on your face are so thin. A little bit of exercise it just kind of puts them in shape. I was so inspired I I got certified I started a face club I so I do I teach I teach face yoga I do it because I love it. It helps me and I just I just love it. So yeah, so it's a little bit odd. But if you do it correctly, it's not like I'm going to say it plastic surgery is great fillers Botox all that's great. If that works for you. That's totally great. Because it you feel you're gonna want to feel better. But I guess for me, I just thought it was kind of cool, since I do the organic stuff that you just like lift my space.

Lesley Logan 32:15  

I'm obsessed because I read it. I was like, okay, hold on. Let's see. And then you came on. And I was like, Okay, we need to do this. We should do it now. Because if I do it now just imagine what I look like.

Alice Inoue 32:25  

No, but you're so young. So the idea here is if you do it you prevent yourself from aging. It's really hard to reverse age. Once it's down you're fighting against gravity, but it can be done and it's it's inspired. So this is why when I used to look in the mirror, I would be like oh my god, another wrinkle elbows eyes like drooping. Now when you look anyone who does face yoga, we're investing in our face, we're putting time in so that one our practice, we breathe and we release tension and we massage we do all kinds of acupressure we do meditation at the end, so it's like a whole one-hour self-care hour. But now I bet everybody in that face club when they're going to wash their face. They're looking for improvements. They're saying oh look, that's better. And that's putting positive energy because normally you look at what's wrong when you look in the mirror like nobody goes like oh my god, how am I am so beautiful. It's like my eyebags you know.

Lesley Logan 33:20  

I love that you are saying it that way because I think so many people are like, Oh my gosh, Leslie, you too are getting like really vain but it's actually not it's about like looking at yourself and seeing what's going well and like looking and seeing positive things and and and also just another way to spend time with yourself. I love like I need to get back into (inaudible) practice but I loved like I got the add the act of doing it at night. I was like look at me taking care of myself.

Alice Inoue 33:46  

Yeah, you are you're actually actually stimulating blood flow and oxygen to your face from college in a lesson they need that in order to be strong. So yeah, so I think it's inner beauty and outer beauty are connected. It really is and that people said oh, your Happiness U Why are you still vain doing outer things? I'm like, No, I feel good about investing in myself. I don't care if I'm 50 6070 If I look the best that I can be at wherever I'm at. I feel good. You know? So yeah. It's just perspective. It really is.

Lesley Logan 34:20  

I think you're right. And I think it's also like it is the inner and the outer they kind of feed into each other. And so if you only say negative things about yourself outside, guess what's happening on the inside, so it's kind of like you're working at both ends. Oh my gosh, Alice, this has been so fun. We're not done yet. We're gonna take a brief break and then find out where people can find you follow you do face yoga with you. 

Okay, Alice, where do you like to hang out? Where can they? Where can they stalk you a little bit in the good way? 

Alice Inoue 34:44  

Oh, that's just probably just go to the website. It's your like, yourhappinessu.com everything's on there yourhappinessu.com And if you are into like Facebook and Instagram and all that, like then I post all these little things. It's all wisdom stuff so in Facebook it's Alice Inoue I-N-O-U-E life guidance or on Instagram it's Alice_Inour we're going to start a face yoga on Instagram too. I just thought I should do that too. So you can practice some exercises. 

Lesley Logan 35:16  

Yeah, I was gonna say do you have like any reels?

Alice Inoue 35:18  

Yeah, we do. Like yeah, you know, do you have a post underneath when after I show up on your podcast, we're gonna have this one like gif and then you know, I'll give it to you. And then you guys can actually do a facial the class on there's like a facial.

Lesley Logan 35:31  

Okay, I'll try I want that link. We're gonna put in the show notes. I'm going to do everyone who's listening. I would like you to tag Alice and myself when you have done your face yoga. Okay, you have given us so many great tips honestly, like really awesome tips. But before I let you go for the too long didn't read people for the people who just wanted what is something bold, executable, intrinsic or targeted step people can take to Be It Till You See It?

Alice Inoue 35:57  

Schedule yourself in. Get to know yourself again. So put yourself into your schedule and do what you want. Just give yourself permission to get to know yourself. Simply because when we first meet somebody and we fall in love, all we want to do is ask them what do you like? What's your favorite color? What do you do we want to get to know others. But sometimes I feel like we centered so much and others that we forget to center back on ourselves. And we don't even know what we want anymore. If I asked you what do you want to be happy? Like some people don't even know. So I would say actionable steps schedule yourself in get to know yourself again.

Lesley Logan 36:33  

Yeah, yeah, a little dating of yourself. I love that. You know what you can all get like those like top dating questions, you could ask them and then just ask yourself, I love that. Alice, this is so fun. I'm so happy that are paths have crossed. I just divine appointments like this is why this podcast exists. So thank you for being here and sharing your amazingness Thank you for listening. Let us know how you're gonna use these tips in your life. I mean, I really want to know because I hope this brings a little more happiness to all of us. And until next time, Be It Till You See It. 

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network.

Brad Crowell 37:34  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 37:39  

It is produced, edited by the epic team at Disenyo.

Brad Crowell 37:42  

Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music, and our branding by designer and artist Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan 37:49  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals and Ximena Velazquez for our transcriptions.

Brad Crowell 37:55  

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all the content to our website. And finally to Meridith Crowell for keeping us all on point and on time.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Lesley embarks on a profound journey from the captivating wonders of Cambodia to the relatable challenges faced after travels. Learn the importance of celebrating both big and small wins in the quest for work-life balance, the art of setting clear intentions, and the transformative power of allowing oneself to evolve. 

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected] .

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.

In this episode you will learn about:

• How to handle bittersweet losses gracefully.  
• How setting specific intentions can help break unproductive habits.
• Why incorporate moments of surprise into your busy schedule. 
• The importance of allowing yourself to evolve 

Episode References/Links:

• Mentions, Stephanie Eder
• Mentions, Selena Lowe

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox.

Be It Till You See It Podcast Survey

Be in the know with all the workshops at OPC

Be a part of Lesley’s Pilates Mentorship

Join us at our Cambodia Retreat - Oct. 8-13, 2023

FREE Ditching Busy Webinar

Resources

• Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube!
• Lesley Logan website
• Be It Till You See It Podcast
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTube
• Profitable Pilates

Social Media

• Instagram
• Facebook
• LinkedIn

Episode Transcript:

Lesley Logan 0:00  

It's Fuck Yeah Friday.

Brad Crowell 0:00  

Fuck yeah.

Lesley Logan 0:00  

Get ready for some wins.

Lesley Logan 0:00  

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.

Lesley Logan 0:05  

Hey Be It babe, welcome to the FYF, the last one of October, holy frickin moly, what a month. I spent most of it, not in the country. So it feels like I only had like a week. It's not funny. Like, if you travel, you feel like you like it's not like time stood still. But like you weren't home for so much of the month that you're like, Oh, I only had one week of October, which is not true. Time really stood still in Cambodia and I have some wins to share with you about that in a second. But first I'm going to celebrate your wins. So in Fuck Yeah Friday, this is a day that we actually take time to celebrate wins, especially the small ones, especially the incomplete ones. And of course, you can celebrate some big ones and I share yours you send to me and then I share one of mine. So this one is I'm Stephanie Eder, she is an Agency member and eLevate round two person. So here we go. Just spent 10 days on vacation and strange beds, and my back was really bothering me. Did the 50 Minute OPC reformer class for August and it feels so much better. I love the theme of balance because one side of my back always hurts. And it weighed me tune in to how I was working my body. Oh, I love that for first of all, I love that OPC helped you there, of course. But I also love that you took the time for yourself. So many people after a trip would just be like, Oh my god, I have to get back into this thing I have so much to do. I've got all these things to do. And you like took something for yourself, Stephanie, that is so cool. And you were able to really like tune into what your body was going through on one side versus the other. Lots of good information there. Thank you so much for sharing. I'm so glad you want a 10-day vacation. Good for you. 

Lesley Logan 1:34  

All right, Selena Lowe from Agency said so the first win is a bit of a bittersweet win here. With my price increase, I lost a small group class that we're doing one time, one time per week, which of course I'm sad to see them go as I have been teaching some of them for a few years now. My win is the way I handled it by not completely freaking out remembering what LL tells us that we can lose the percentage of clients that we increase our rates by. When I read that, their message, it did hurt but I have to understand people's but I have to understand people's financial situation situations decisions. This particular group, I had a feeling that I would either get pushed back on the increase or they may go so it's not a complete surprise either they were getting a really good discount previously, which they actually were not aware of to keep things simple for me, I want to have everyone be on the same prices. So the second win is that I already had a client on the waitlist for that slot, and I filled it immediately. And I have a happy client that now gets her two sessions per week. That's amazing. I'm just gonna pause before I stray off for a second win so I want to highlight this, if you raise your rates by 5% you can lose 5% of your clients but you're making the same amount of money and you have less time so that gives you more time to find people to fill those spots. So it's actually really important you know that and it sucks when people don't like your rate increase but also it's work sometimes people are going to leave us and it's really going to be okay. And you never know, they come back. 

Lesley Logan 3:05  

Okay, back to Selena's win, she has a second one. I completed my injuries and corrective exercises course study and submitted the exam questions papers for review. Fingers crossed, I passed. Third one, I just okay, I have to interrupt with her win again. I love that you're celebrating that you just turn the thing in Selena and you're not waiting until you pass to celebrate Fuck Yeah, that's amazing. Okay, third one, two weeks in a row. Now I have had good numbers to my prenatal yoga class and some great feedback from the participants feeling positive about what September will bring. Selena, thank you so much for sharing all three of these wins. They are huge. There's something for everyone here to see themselves in. I just love I love that you celebrate wins even before they happen. I also love that you're acknowledging how wins are happening even it feels like the doors closed on something that it actually opened up a door of a win. I love that. 

Lesley Logan 3:58  

Okay, so here's, I have a couple wins. So I am not someone who unpacks after a trip I actually like I don't know what I do. I just like leave this I know what I do, I like leave the suitcase like just there. And at some point, I open it because I need my makeup out of there or something like that. But I'll just like leave it. And I don't know why I do this. I don't I don't know why I don't just unpack right afterwards. I want to be someone who unpacks and I decided on the way home from the trip that I was like visualizing myself unpacking the suitcase. After I greet the dogs. Okay I will come and greet the dogs, I'm going to come in, I'm going to shower and I'm going to unpack the suitcase. And I did it. I know that's so crazy. I'm an adult who flosses her teeth and does all these things. But like for whatever reason, I'll just leave the suitcase open with stuff inside for a week or like, especially here's why this isn't even bigger win I'm actually leaving in five days for another trip. So sometimes I'm like, oh, I'll just unpack it when I gotta pack it like I'll just like, I'm just like, I'll just do it at the same time. And it's like, no, I'm doing it and it feels really good. So some of you are probably like, Oh my God, how disgusting. You know, we all have our flaws. So the other thing that was really, really great about the trip is, I had a lot of things that I wanted to get done on the trip, like a lot, a lot of blogs I wanted to write I had a lot of things I wanted to do to make updates for this podcast for next year. And some podcast guests I wanted to invite. And I also had this lot pressure, but like, I had this deadline of like, okay, I was going to work on the next flashcard deck. Because ideally, I was supposed to do two decks this year, and obviously I did one. So, so I really like me, I had a week in Cambodia that was dedicated to getting all these projects done. And was talking to shout out to Green. I love her. She was like, well make sure that you have room for surprise in there and like for doing ever. And I said oh yeah, I will. I will. And I love that she said that, because I just made sure that every single morning I tried a different route to my favorite place to work because I could be surprised. And that the moment I needed a break, I was like, well, let's just go walk somewhere else and get a change of scenery and be surprised. And that was really fun because it allowed me to have some moments of just like, oh, what's over there? Oh, I wonder what's over there. Oh, I wonder what's over there and just like be in wonderment. And then when I got to sitting down to work like I had this like energy and excitement and creativity to bring to it and I'm really proud of all the stuff I put together and I can't wait for you to hear all about it. So anyways, I am so grateful. 

Lesley Logan 6:38  

So here is your mantra. I will allow myself to evolve. I will allow myself to evolve. So what are these mantras for there for? They're for you to journal with, they're for you to percolate on, they're for you to repeat out loud five times. I always hear people like what should I journal? What should I journal? So, I just like Googled a bunch of fucking mantras and I'm dropping one in FYF every week just in case you need something you can use it all week long. You can say all week long if you want. so anyways, I hope that this wins week was really fun for you I want to hear your wins. I want you to send them to me. So I want you to share, shout them out loud from the rooftops. you are not bragging you in fact are allowing people to go wow I can tell people I'm amazing. Yes, you fucking are. Alright, so thank you so much for listening to this podcast. I can't wait for you to hear at Monday's interview. And until next time, Be It Till You See It.

Lesley Logan 7:27  

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network.

Brad Crowell 7:27  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 7:27  

It is produced, edited by the epic team at Disenyo.

Brad Crowell 7:27  

Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music, and our branding by designer and artist Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan 7:27  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals and Ximena Velazquez for our transcriptions.

Brad Crowell 7:27  

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all the content to our website. And finally to Meridith Crowell for keeping us all on point and on time.

Brad and Lesley offer a fresh take on Kelli Adame’s relationship coaching techniques. Discover the nuances of masculine and feminine energies, the essence of setting boundaries, and the pitfalls of achievement-based identities.

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected] .

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.

In this episode you will learn about:

• Recognize the importance of setting clear boundaries.
• Identify societal pressures and their impact on how we perceive and value achievements.
• Reflect on personal energies and the necessity of balance.
• Recognize the importance of respecting your partner's energy in the relationship.

Episode References/Links:

• Waitlist for next Cambodia Retreat
• November in Chicago - https://beitpod.com/chicago
• Mentioned Yoko Episode on You're Wrong About Podcast

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox.

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox.

Get your free Athletic Greens 1 year supply of Vitamin D3+K2 and 5 free travel packs

Get your discount for some Toe Sox using the code: LESLEY

Be It Till You See It Podcast Survey

Be in the know with all the workshops at OPC

Be a part of Lesley’s Pilates Mentorship

FREE Ditching Busy Webinar

Resources

• Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube!
• Lesley Logan website
• Be It Till You See It Podcast
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTube
• Profitable Pilates

Social Media

• Instagram
• Facebook
• LinkedIn

Episode Transcript:

Lesley Logan  

I just ladies want to highlight that your boundaries that you enforcing your boundaries is actually you being in your strong feminine energy. And there's nothing more you can do for the people around you. But be in that energy and enforce those boundaries. It will change all of your relationships. 

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started. 

Welcome back to the Be It Till You See It Interview Recap where my co-host in life Brad and I are going to dig into the evocative convo I have with Kelli Adame in our last episode. If you haven't yet listened to that episode, feel free to pause this now go back and listen to that one and then come back and join us. Holy frickin moly. 

Brad Crowell  

It was evocative. 

Lesley Logan  

Is that how you say the word? 

Brad Crowell  

Yeah, evocative. 

Lesley Logan  

I'm great. I'm glad. I loved her the first time I heard her. I loved her more on my podcast. And we already have her scheduled to come back. So I hope you love her because she's coming back.

Brad Crowell  

I've really enjoyed the convo. I actually listened to the whole thing twice. 

Lesley Logan  

Oh, I know. I was interested to hear what you thought about it. Because it's, I think it's interesting to talk about, it's worth talking about masculine feminine energies and like what those things are. And I think we also talked a little bit about like feminism and things like that. And like, a little bit yeah, I think first of all, ladies, we always have thought all this amazing power. And we've got to stop thinking we've got to fight for it. We just have to take it and then enjoy that we also have this incredible power. It's she's so amazing. I hope you all

Brad Crowell  

I thought it's very freeing because it was it kind of gave a permission structure to be both masculine and feminine. (Lesley Logan: Yes.) And like energetically and the fact that we actually are (Lesley: for both people) was interesting for me.

Lesley Logan  

For both and, and look the she was she was very aware that like she was talking more in a heterosexual relationship sense. However, this happens in same gender, you know, relationships and in different things. So I think it's really important to see yourself in the story, but it's true. Like I think a lot of people get a little confused on like, what is masculine? And what is feminine energy? And it's Yeah, I think even for myself, like I can do those things, too. And she's not saying you can't, she's just saying she's saying it when you're in a relationship, here's a way that can actually make the relationship work better. And, and also, it doesn't mean that you who's listening to this episode, who's deciding which energy you're showing up as has to be the one who's gonna do that work. The other person has to show up doing their work too and she talked about how she and her partner support each other. Anyways, we're gonna do this in a second. 

Today is National Transgender Children's Day, Fuck Yeah, way to go tell your parents all the parents out there who got a child who's going through that. You're amazing. You're awesome. I so glad to see them. And for those who want a different holiday today, it's also Worldwide Howl at the Moon Night so I hope you choose both. I hope you celebrate both that would be my ask of you but you know yeah. So there you go. We just got back from Cambodia. And we are going to be opening up the doors to our next Cambodia retreat in the new year so go to Lesleylogan.co/retreat and the reason you want to do that is because you want to be on the waitlist because the waitlisters get the best rate of the retreat. (Brad Crowell: They do.) and the public gets a different rate.

Brad Crowell  

 And they also get first dibs so there's limited spots. Yes. Yep.

Lesley Logan  

And November I am going to be in Chicago you want to DM me for that link. There's all kinds of options, there's full weekend options I have a masterclass there. Also we're coming to that time of the year where you if you wanted to be in my mentorship program eLevate or if you're wanting to see about the tour we've got lots of info on that so just hit us up if you're wanting to know about eLevate if you're wanting to know about the tour, on our socials we've got all the things. And December we're going to be on our huge epic tour and our sponsors are working on an incredible prize and all these things so you do not, (Brad: Yeah, we're really stuffed.) you want to make sure you're getting the emails, you're gonna make sure that you are heading to one of the min stops we're going on. It's a 7000-mile tour so it's big. 

Brad Crowell  

Yeah, 14 cities, y'all. It's gonna be big.

Lesley Logan  

It's huge. Babe, do we have an audience question before we talk about Kelli?

Brad Crowell  

Today? We do. So you were recently asked for your live YouTubes that you've been doing with Andrea Maida. You're asked by a by someone, what is the piece of Pilates equipment that you could not live without?

Lesley Logan  

Yeah, she had a bet with her husband and I fucking hope she made money I or got whatever the bet was. This is a hard question. And she and I both cheated. Because we're like, because I do think the mat is an apparatus, but I was like when we can get into the mat. A special mat. So I chose the one chair because I just the Contrology (inaudible) my fucking favorite. And because I could do the mat next to the chair. Do you have a favorite? You don't like the mat that I know. 

Brad Crowell  

I don't I don't hate the mat. But I

Lesley Logan  

Well, that's because, you know, you'd have to do it twice not because you know the rule. If you don't like something, it means you need it. So you have to do it two times.

Brad Crowell  

Oh, well, I was just thinking I'm so used to a yoga mat that it's really difficult to switch over to the Pilates Mat, because it feels like squishy compared to the floor. But (Lesley: You're on the floor.) I like the reformer.

Lesley Logan  

Oh, okay. That's cool. I love that good for you. If you have a question that you're wanting us to ask you just send it into Be It pod. We love to answer them. There's no question that's too small or too big. We love to do it. So make sure you send it in to us. 

Brad Crowell  

Okay, now let's talk about Kelli Adame. Drawing on her education as a depth psychotherapist, Kelly offers transformative insights as a relationship coach. She's passionately committed to guiding individuals towards authentic connections and nurturing healthier romantic relationships.

Lesley Logan  

Yeah, I really was so excited about this. I thought it was really fun, because we haven't had like a be it till you see it in relationships. Really, especially like for those who are like, existing in one already. And so

Brad Crowell  

We had a sex therapist, but that wasn't quite the same thing.

Lesley Logan  

No, that's, that's, I think that's a little bit. I mean, they're they should meet. (Brad: Yeah, they should totally, totally connect.) Um, so this one really spoke to me the most because and shout out to Tasha, because she actually just posted recently when the time we're recording this about boundaries, that they're actually you can be kind and have boundaries. But she said this. Kelly said this part of being embodied in feminine energy is saying no, to what doesn't feel good. Ladies, did you hear that? Being you don't, it's not nice to do things that don't feel good. It's not nice. It's not good to like have no boundaries. In fact, you're more embodied in your feminine energy when you say no to what doesn't feel good. So you get to have really clear boundaries, it's actually crucial for your feminine energy. No wonder so many women are burnt the fuck out because they're trying to be liked or kind or people pleasing. And they've lost their boundaries. I've just like, fucking listen to that again. She said, it's, it's our societal conditioning of saying, Yes, we're so conditioned to say yes. And to just do it. But then we get resentful about that. Yeah, of course, because we're no longer in our feminine energy. And that's not fun to be in. And that results in resentment. And that's not fun.

Brad Crowell  

Yeah, I actually liked you know, the, under the breakdown of the difference between masculine and feminine energy and then effectively, like the actions that you are taking with one or, you know, not with the other. And I didn't realize that since, you know, all people can be are both have both are at different times, like leaning into one or the other. I didn't realize that effectively, the work, the working world that we know of, everyone's leaning into the masculine, masculine energy. 

Lesley Logan  

Yeah, we're, we're all leaning in really hard. And then what's affecting is the people who do want to live in their masculine energy more, feel a little bit lost, because everyone's just like living in it 24/7 And we're not, it's like a dimmer switch or like, a on like, an open and closed office hours, we're not actually we blended our office hours to being at any time all the time. And so it's really about like, some when you work in the things that are masculine energy, like really leaning in that. And then when you when you when you're not supposed to be in the energy, like really owning your feminine or your masculine and, and honoring each other's energies because of that.

Brad Crowell  

Yeah. Well, and I think that ties right back into the boundaries, because, you know, I know that like, what what ends up happening is that we get stuck in the work mode, masculine energy, even when we're at home, like you were saying, especially because of work from home world now, you know, and then having a boundary a clear boundary of like, I'm allowed to shift gears. It's really hard for me to permit myself to shift gears because I feel like I have to stay in this, you know, work mode work, work, work masculine energy, and sometimes like shifting into relaxed mode or, you know, whatever, like creative mode when I shift into that, I almost feel guilty about it. But I think it's because I don't have a commute, like I used to have in my old job right, I had a hard break in my day, where I was like, super high, intense focus, focus, focus, putting out fires, and then I had my drive home. And when I got home, it was like, permission to shift. You know, so that's been really interesting, you know, working from home these past few years. Well, how do we create that boundary?

Lesley Logan  

I slowly lost my commute as well. You lost your commute even sooner? Well, I mean, I guess you had a long (inaudible).

Brad Crowell  

I'm not complaining about losing my commute. It wasn't my favorite thing I ever did. But it was a marker in my day.

Lesley Logan  

But it was like a really good like the switches turning. Yeah, yeah, you're correct. We need to figure out a new commute, in air quotes, because we're not

Brad Crowell  

Well, I mean, it's a little bit turned into cooking dinner for me. 

Lesley Logan  

Yeah. Yeah, I think that's a good, that's a good commute. Anyways, I just ladies want to highlight that your boundaries, that you enforcing your boundaries, is actually you being in your strong feminine energy. And there's nothing more you can do for the people around you. But be in that energy and enforce those boundaries, it will change all of your relationships. And sure, you're gonna piss some people off, but you're gonna feel fucking good about it. That's what I love. Anyway, what do you love? It's okay to not be liked by everyone full permission.

Brad Crowell  

Yeah, it's hard for most. It's hard for me. 

Lesley Logan  

Yeah. Same. But also, you know, some people don't like me, I actually don't like them. So it's okay.

Brad Crowell  

Fair, I really loved when she was talking about identity, and how we are inadvertently tying our identity to our achievements, because of the way that our society operates and how we were raised, you know, winning in soccer, or, you know, scoring a goal or getting a medal or getting an A on a test or any of that shit applying to colleges and getting in getting a job. All it feels like this achievement, like we've got this is achievements, we have to hit along the way of life, right. And so we taught, we end up tying ourselves to that, that mode of thinking, and then also the achievements themselves. And if something fucks up with one of your achievements, then now you apparently no longer have any value. Yeah, you know, like, we do that to ourselves. 

Lesley Logan  

Oh, I was. I'm sorry, parents are listening. I know you are. Love you. But I distinctly remember them coming to pick me up at school and my progress report came out. And because there was some C's and some B's and some A's, but there were C's for the first time in my progress report, marching back to the teacher and being upset with me, because I had C's. And luckily, the teacher explained like where I needed to do some improvement. But looking back, it would have been nice if they had understood the the the effort in I was doing to get those C's and that the achievement of the A B's and the A's and B's don't actually reflect who I am as a human being, you know, and think like, I think I got paid for straight A's, I got paid money for that. So I was like, conditioned to achieve. And I there's good reason for that. Thank you, I got the fuck out of house, I'm good. But it as an adult, having to learn how to be a recovering overachiever has been a journey, because it actually doesn't fucking matter if we win at any of our goals, it actually does matter how I treat myself along the way. And having to be okay with not achieving has been really hard.

Brad Crowell  

Well, you know, she she talks about how the achievement, you know, culture basically, how it really affected her life, you know, because, you know, then you start getting a little older you start dating, and she said when she was starting to dating, it turned into like, you know, or I think it was her client actually was looking at her life and saying, you know, I'm, I've achieved all these things. Right? So therefore, I must be wanted, right by others. And so, 

Lesley Logan  

And it's so interesting, because my clients in L.A., they're all these high-achieving women. And they felt like they needed to play down their achievements because people didn't like them so that made them feel like they had to hide their true selves. And I was like, Well, I think your achievements are pretty awesome. But I guess you don't like, when you when people ask you like, so what do you do? You don't feel like list off every achievement you've ever had. This is not your TED talk.

Brad Crowell  

Yeah. And she, I mean, you, too are joking about, you know, you know, you don't go out there saying, like, I'm looking for someone with six medals on their wall to date, like, right, you know, that's not what the that's not what ends up happening. No. And if that is what ends up happening, then you, you know, might not be the best situation. But, you know, the, I just thought it was interesting. Because I definitely know that I understand that, like, viscerally because when my band stopped playing, when I had moved across the country to Los Angeles to play in this band, and two years later, it stopped. And I was lost. I did not know what to do with myself. I didn't know how to introduce myself. Everything I was was Brad's in a band. And then, and then Brad wasn't in a band. So I was like, well, what's the fucking point?

Lesley Logan  

So interesting? Because it wasn't like, I mean, that's not to knock you. But it's not like your band was like, playing on the radio.

Brad Crowell  

No. So like, we were still getting our feet wet. We were trying to play shows and like music and stuff. 

Lesley Logan  

Just being able to say I'm in a band. Yeah. Was like it meant so much to you. But more than that the band like wasn't actually doing the things you wanted to do. Yeah, because the band because when I met you, you were in a band. Yeah. And when we that was, like, third or fourth band, but yeah. And then we officially started dating. You quit that band? And I thought, oh, fuck did I cause this mi am I Yoko?

Brad Crowell  

Yeah, well, the whole band stopped. I mean, I think it was.

Lesley Logan  

Side note, I just wanted to say, Yeah, listen to you're wrong about podcasts about Yoko, because she did not fucking kill the Beatles. And we're not going to blame that on that woman. Because I'm tired of blaming women for things the men didn't get along. 

Brad Crowell  

We'll get, we'll get a link to that episode in the show notes. 

Lesley Logan  

The reason the Beatles aren't together is because they didn't get along. It's not because of her. Just defending.

Brad Crowell  

I don't know, that whole story. I love it. Well, anyway, you know, just the fact that we were kind of raised to do that. And so what happens if we shift out of that achievement? Performance, you know, gear, and then how do we define ourselves? Outside of, you know, I'm Dr. So and So who, you know, sailed around the world six times, you know, like, what if it's just like, you know, I'm, I love sailing, you know, and, you know, it's kind of tying those things together. And then, you know, it's the act of doing things instead of achieving the thing.

Lesley Logan  

Yeah, I think that's why I love Pilates so much, because, like, at least the way I practice it, and the way I teach it, it's like, it's actually not about, I'm a Pilates instructor. Or, like, I can do the long side massage, whatever. I love, every time I hit my practice, it is like I'm doing my practice. It's not. It's not a perfection thing for me. And it's a process, I get to process that I get to be in and get to be enjoying the journey of it. Yeah. And that doesn't mean I love it, that journey all the time. But I think that it's nice to have something that I'm that I am in, in the process of and not attaching myself to its performance. Anyways, it's pretty fucking awesome. There's so many guys, this is a really deep app, I really had a hard time ending the episode. So we don't even have enough time to recap every awesome thing she said, You have to listen to it. 

Brad Crowell  

Yeah, go back. It's worth it. All right. So finally, let's talk about those Be It Action Items. What bold, executable, intrinsic or targeted action items can we take away from your comvo with Kelli Adame?

Lesley Logan  

Usual first?

Brad Crowell  

Yeah, sure. She actually she said, decide primarily which energy you want to sit in? Do you want to primarily sit in feminine energy? Or do you want to primarily sit in masculine energy. And then she said, understanding which energy you lean toward, can guide you in finding a complementary partner and foster a healthier dynamic.

Lesley Logan  

I I love this, because I think this really actually lends itself to however you identify yourself as a person and like, what kind of relationship you're in. Somebody gets to spend money in your romantic relationships, somebody gets to be in the masculine energy and someone has been the feminine energy and one of you, like, you have to respect your partner and one of the chair's like there's a giving and receiving that's happening. And if you want to be in the mass energy at home, that's okay. You can, but these are the things you have to do. So that the other person feels part of that relationship, and they have to receive it's a whole thing. So go listen to it because I really enjoyed it's a give and take. I mean, it's a back and forth, and well that's why that's why marriage can't be 50-50

Brad Crowell  

Well, yeah, and you were talking about this that like you were talking about the author drawing a blank. Is it temporary? No, Brittany, we're talking about oh, hey Brown, right? And that her example of like a different times of the day, even the ball shifts back and forth. Are they flipping? You know, back and forth?

Lesley Logan  

I'm like, this is the energy. I hate. I'm sharing about 30. Today, and like no problem, I can do the rest. But if they're both from the 30s, and they go, okay, so what are we going to do right now? Right? We don't hurt each other, kill each other in this relationship. And I love that because

Brad Crowell  

I didn't realize they were that like, like intentional about it.

Lesley Logan  

they're just I don't know that it's like, all day long. But like when they come home from their workday, because they both actually have a work day. And then they have a commute, and they come home. And they ask each other how they're doing. According to her interview. They say, like, Hey, I'm at a I'm at a 30 today, right? Got no problem. I'm having a great day. I'll take up, I'll pick it up.

Brad Crowell  

And well, I Well, I think that it's interesting to have noticed that in our relationship too, like, you know, when I'm having a bad day, you know, it's, I hope you can pick up the slack. And say, Well, yeah, but that's what I'm saying. Like, when you're having a bad day, I'm there to pick up the slack. And that, and that's how we will try to work together.

Lesley Logan  

And I love that Kelli said like she mentioned like she was having she was feeling something. And then her her husband, because he's aware of the work they are integrated is like, what do you what can I do for you? And she's like, here's what I need right now, which I think is really important. I think we don't spend enough time with ourselves to know what we need. And I think that's one of my bit my take away. But like so we can actually verbalize here's what I need right now. From the person that I'm in relationship with to give me that. The Tim Ferriss thing I don't know if I talked about in the episode with Kelli, but I distinctly remember this time when he was doing like a when it was tequila night q&a. And someone said, like, I've been single for a really long time. How, like, what, how do you find someone who's compatible for you? And he said, I don't know why you're asking me this. This is not something I'm really familiar with. But here's how I've seen it. If you take maths like a like a spectrum, and you put highly masculine on one end and highly feminine on the other end. And they're like polar opposites, then wherever you are on that spectrum, your equal opposite is actually gonna be the most compatible for you. And I was like, This is Oh, that's so genius. With like, Kelly, what she's saying, because I actually think that you and I are on weren't neither one of us is like, towards the ends of the spectrum, but we're in the middle either. And like, I feel like we're pretty compatible in that way. That's a that's a really fascinating and a cool visual. Yeah. Because if you look at it, like if you we have some friends of mine, right, like, we're like, they're like, those like 1950s like lovers, like where the girls like the pinup girl and the guys like very, you know, like greased lightning and like, yeah, they work together, because they're like, pretty much on the spectrum of feminine masculine, like equal opposites. You know what I mean? So, it's, it's, it's very fascinating to me how that that very simple spectrum works. And I think it goes along with what your Be It action item was, I'll go into mine. Yeah. What about you, because I kind of talked about this, she, she talked about learning how to identify and regulate your own emotions and feelings. And it's very valuable. And they're just as valuable as your rational thoughts. And so she said, really checking in with, like, what feels good to you? Does this feel good to me? So, and this goes with anything like if you've got a, we have people in our business coaching group where the clients are taking advantage of them? And they're like, I don't know how to do this, like, Well, does it? Does it actually feel good to you how that's happening? Right? Like, does that feel good? 

Brad Crowell  

And then same with managing a team? Yes. Or you know, whatever. And then

Lesley Logan  

Once you've asked yourself, pinpointing your emotions like figuring out how you're actually feeling and this is really key because I think a lot of times we tried to like shove our emotions and and qualify them or change them or I shouldn't feel that way, no, like, how does that make you feel like today? Before I recorded this I was like, fucking feeling upset about something because it really hurt my feelings. Like just didn't feel good. And just verbalizing like what didn't feel good actually made things better. Yeah, but like just doing that and then given this which is that given that I'm feeling that way and sort the way you're feeling right there, what can I do to make myself feel better? And y'all if you haven't spent enough time with yourself to know what makes you feel better, then you've got some homework to do.

Brad Crowell  

Well, I mean even doing this is hard. Ah, because you have to be able to identify that and like stop the cycle first and then you ask yourself the question Does that feel good to me? And then you say why can right so you have to be aware enough to last kind of from an objective perspectives

Lesley Logan  

Yeah. And and also my perfectionist overachievers you're gonna get fucking wrong. You just are.

Brad Crowell  

You're never like, you're not like watching yourself on the side and all the moments?

Lesley Logan  

No, but I think like one of the I'm so grateful for the therapist I had a while back. Who made me listen a bunch of things that I thought would make me feel good about, like spending my time. Like, she's like, just make a list, like what would make you feel good. So I wrote like, of course, breathwork, meditation, like all the things that like, sound really good. And then I wrote down, like going for a walk. And I wrote rock climbing. I wrote journaling, and I wrote reading a book, and I listen to music, and I wrote down all these things. And then what I had to do is like, being conscious of when I was like, feeling like out of control and looking at my list and go, Okay, well of these things. I'm looking at this list that I made when I wasn't feeling like a crazy person. Have this list? What would make me feel better right now? What do I think that makes me feel better right now? 

Brad Crowell  

So you actually have a list in front of you? Yeah. And you can refer back to it because in the moment, you're like, I can't remember.

Lesley Logan  

You need to do it when you're feeling good about yourself. Yeah, it's a great idea. Do it in the morning, when like, the day is your oyster. Yeah, you know, and like, make a list and then have that list handy. Have it on a card, have it on a note in your phone. And then when I was feeling that, I would look at the list and I would try out the first the first thing that made me think I would make me feel good, cool. And I was kind of myself if it didn't work, but sometimes just taking action, especially if especially any part of what you're feeling is fear. Just taking action really is shockingly helpful.

Brad Crowell  

Also, with especially with fear, like talking about it out loud, even if it's only you. Oh, it's really 

Lesley Logan  

Go listen to Chris. Because it's it's important kind of crazy. How quickly taking some sort of action feels good. Anyways, Kelli's coming back. Yeah, that was great. She's phenomenal. 

Brad Crowell  

You know. just there was really tough to pull out like, what to talk about in this recap, because there was just a lot there.

Lesley Logan  

Life changing. I hope I need to write a book. Anyways. I'm Lesley Logan. 

Brad Crowell  

I'm Brad Crowell. 

Lesley Logan  

Thank you so much for joining us today. How are you and use these tips in your life? What are you going to do? Are you gonna let your partner listen to this? I hope so. What a perfect person to share this episode with. You know, what you could do to make yourself feel really awesome right now is share this episode, it's going to be really great and you and especially if your friend needs to be in a receiving mode, they should receive that very well.

What a great practice. Have an amazing day and Be It Tll You See It. 

Brad Crowell  

Bye for now.

Lesley Logan  

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. 

Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network.

Brad Crowell  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan  

Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music, and our branding by designer and artist Gianfranco Cioffi.

It is produced, edited by the epic team at Disenyo.

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals and Ximena Velasquez for our transcriptions.

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all the content to our website, and finally to Meredith Crowell for keeping us all on point and on time

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

How can we balance masculine and feminine energies to create more harmonious and loving relationships? Dive deep with Kelli as she shares real-life examples and impactful advice on emotional integration and balancing energies for fruitful relationships in today's episode.

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected] .

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.

In this episode you will learn about:

• Kelli's journey in depth psychotherapy and relationship dynamics.
• Understanding and balancing masculine and feminine energies.
• The evolving gender dynamics in relationships.
• The pillars of successful relationships: chemistry, compatibility, communication.
• The importance of self-value, boundaries, and emotional understanding.

Episode References/Links:

• Kelli Adame Website
• KelliAdame.com
• LoveBravelyAcademy.com
• Kelli Adame Handles 
• Follow Kelli Adame on IG @kelliadame
• Follow Love Bravely on IG @lovebravelyco

Guest Bio:

Relationship Expert // Trained + Educated as Depth Psychotherapist and Relationship Coach. I'm an expert in helping women, men and couples navigate modern love and relationships. I specialize in the understanding and application of balancing Masculine and Feminine Energies, Communication, Dating well and building successful relationships and marriages. I help high-achieving women navigate the journey from single and dating to successfully married. And I help married individuals/couples improve the marriage they have. I equip, educate and encourage my clients to help them achieve their relationship goals.

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox.

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox.

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Episode Transcript:

Lesley Logan 0:00  

If you want your feelings cherished, and you want your thoughts respected, then what was your partner gonna get? Right? So ask yourself, was it more important for you in your, in your romantic relationships to have your feelings cherished by your partner or to have your thoughts respected by your partner? 

Lesley Logan 0:01  

All right, my loves, okay. So I've been really interested in this topic, and I want you to know this is already going to be a two parter, we're going to have her back. And I thought it'd be really interesting because I think it can be if you if you are on social media, you'll see things like people (inaudible) paint your feminine energy, paint your feminine power, and like just owning that. And I, I like would look at those things and kind of like go roll my eyes, which is, I'm just be really honest, I'd roll my eyes because I lived in LA. And I would be at restaurants. And I would be working in coffee shops, and there'd be people around me spouting like being in the divine feminine and like, the words coming out their mouth just did not actually make a complete sentence, which actually would be able to live on this planet Earth and a relationship with anyone. So I felt like yeah, I love all that you're saying. And also, that's not reality when you're in a relationship with someone. And so I always wonder, like, how do we have this like, amazing, feminine energy, but also, I run a business. So obviously, I'm gonna be in my masculine energy, um, don't worry for like, what are these things? Lesley, our guest today, Kelli Adame is going to explain them to you. But I was like, How do I do that? Because is it a light switch. Am I like, turn it on off? And is it a is it a? Is it a spectrum? Is it a balance, like, what is it? And so I've always wondered. And then I was on a plane listening to my friend's podcast, and I heard this woman and I was like, Oh, my God, I finally understand it. And it doesn't sound crazy. And it doesn't sound like it's impossible to have. And it sounds like we have to have both. And we have to learn how to have both. And then it's like, Oh, interesting. So many of us have been raised to be in this masculine energy and to really own it. No wonder we struggle with being in our feelings and feeling our feelings and to be it till you see it. Like you can't, it's not just about doing and in fact, before killing I hit record, sometimes it's about being like just being so we have a really good episode for you. We're gonna talk a lot about masculine feminine energy. And also how like in a relationship you have four people. And I thought that was really fascinating. And I'm excited to recap this with my Brad, my husband, because it's really interesting. Also, like, Kelli and I had like whole hour long talk when I got off. So I already have a second episode planned with her. So we'll get her recorded on the topic of healthy masculine energy. Because I think it's important for you to spot that and others. And also, if that's the energy you decide that you want to lean into more what that looks like for you. But let's just get into today's episode with Kelli Adame.

Lesley Logan 2:52  

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.

Lesley Logan 3:37  

Alright, Be It babe. I'm really excited about this. This is the first time I've actually seen this woman on my screen. But I had her in my ears while on a plane. And I was listening to another podcast and like, Oh my God, I've always wanted to know more about this masculine feminine energy. I've always wanted to understand how it works in relationships or just in life. And she was just just phenomenal and make me at ease. Because sometimes I feel like people get a little woowoo on this. And I'm I'm a white girl. So Kelli Adame. Thank you so much.

Kelli Adame 4:07  

I'm like a reformed, I've been deep into the whoo and come out and I'm balanced. So I relate. I understand that journey. But I'm with you.

Lesley Logan 4:15  

Like I told somebody, something happened yesterday. And my husband is like because like, we had this whole situation in our neighborhood. And I actually ran into the neighbor who like took the situation out of control. And I explained to them in like nice calm, where it's like, this is why I didn't respond to your question in that moment. And this is why you didn't need that information. And here's the information now. And they were so good with it. And I texted another neighbor who knew and she's like, Oh, the healing powers of the Aquarius and the full moon. That's what's happening here. And I was just like, Yep, sure. I don't like is it great? Yeah, it's not it's fine with me. I'm just glad that that's done but I told Brad. He just yeah, of course she'd say that.

Kelli Adame 4:54  

Yeah, you know what's really funny about that as a starting point is that I when I was In my 20s, I was a part of this women's community where I did a ton of healing. And it was very woowoo there were some amazing things, you know, and healing that happened there. But what happened was, I basically realized that all of these women, none of them had successful relationships with men. So there was all this beautiful healing, but they were so they had all this, you know, self awareness, and they had all of this actualization, but they were like, single, and didn't have any clear way of understanding about how to like, navigate that journey. And I was like, baffled by that. And I knew for me that I wanted that, ultimately, that I wanted, you know, like a good, monogamous, committed man to love and pursue and cherish me and to build a life together. And I wanted that, and it's fine if you don't want that, but I did. And they had no idea how to help me get that. And it's one of the things that became part of like, I got to figure this out. Because if I'm all healed, and amazing, but all alone, like that's not that's not my vision. That's not my end vision. You know what I mean?  

Lesley Logan 6:02  

Oh, Kelli, that's so cool. So, Hi, Kelli, thanks for being here. (Kelli Adame: Hi. Sorry. Jumping in.) I know, we really jumped in. Um, okay. So that makes sense. Because before we were recording, you're like, Yeah, I kind of like stumbled into this. So that kind of is like your curiosity led you here. Can you tell everyone a little bit who you are and what you're doing?

Kelli Adame 6:22  

Sure. So my name is Kelli Adame. And I am trained and educated as a deaf psychotherapist, sent to graduate school to do that. And in that journey, and in my graduate research, I fell into this study of what became largely focused around masculine and feminine energy. And we'll dive into all of that, and how that happened. But basically, in my graduate research, I was really struck by a lot of Carl Jung's work, which was like, He's a famous psychoanalyst, a lot of people are aware of him. And he said that anywhere in a society where a lot of individual people are suffering from the same personal pain, he says, There's something from the collective unconscious, it's trying to make itself known. And it's akin to this, like, if you have pain in your knee, it sends a signal to your brain that says, like, oh, like, that hurts, there's something out of alignment, right? That pain is asking for your intention, because it's telling you something's out of alignment, and then we try to figure out what it is, right. So that's the same principle in terms of approaching relationship. It's like, if we're struggling in relationship, and there's pain or their struggle, or there's suffering there, there's something that's inviting us into something that we're not aware of. And so I thought, Okay, well in the modern Western world, for all of our advances and all of our progress, and, you know, I see people still really struggling, especially at my peer level, who were really struggling to make relationships work, they were, you know, kicking butt and taking names professionally and, you know, operating in their genius and on the self-healing journeys, but like, I saw very few people that were really crushing it in terms of romantic relationship. And so I didn't really have a lot to look to. So anyways, I thought, Well, why are we so out of alignment with that, like, if we've progressed in all these other ways? What are we missing? And so that just became this discovery that took me down all these rabbit holes. And one of the things that discovered that I discovered that was just transformational in my own life, and has become a cornerstone of my work is a deep and integrated understanding around masculine and feminine energy and how to apply it and embody it in a real way. Not just talking about it. esoterically but like, how do I actually communicate? What does it look like? You know, so anyways, all that so did that. And I originally thought I would do a lot more trauma work. I have a lot of trauma background, I have a lot of background addiction. And I got certified in hypnotherapy. I did two years of like a pastoral ministry training, like, okay, that's certified as a relationship coach, like lots of training. You're learning I'm going in. I'm a learner. It's one of my top five strengths. Gallup strengths. 

Lesley Logan 9:02  

Yes, my husband and I that's actually Gallup strengths is why we had when you hooked up the first night because we said what are your top five strengths and we use that we share it and he's like, you want to get out of here and we totally had a great night. Learner is not in my top five but every one of my assistants is one and thank goodness for you guys.

Kelli Adame 9:21  

learner. I know I love it, right? So but I'm like, have all that now that I'm trying to like, share because so then I basically went into I ended up pretty quickly going into private practice for gosh, it's been like nine years. And I it really immediately I was very blessed and immediately was successful. And I've had just a very high referral, faith practice for nine years and honed a lot of all of that learning with people and help them have a lot of transformation. So women men I work with a lot of man that's also been so amazing to have a lot of insight and understanding about men, couples, you know, and I think really friendships are amazing because they become this amazing container for healing and for growth. 

Lesley Logan 10:03  

Yeah. Okay now soI have so many things I like want to like noodle around. So first of all, for the person who's listening who's only heard of masculine feminine energy from the person wearing all white with a beautiful light on them and the crystals everywhere? Can you explain what we're talking about? So we're all on the same page with what that is? And like, can we embody both energies? Like, is it possible to have both and

Kelli Adame 10:34  

100% 100%? So I want to try to make it as like applicable as possible, right? I don't. So I'm going to try to be very clean and clear about it. So essentially, in the simplest of terms, all human beings, despite their gender carry masculine and feminine energy, right, Carl Jung talks about the Animus and the Anima, that like a man has also an aspect of his soul that is feminine, and vice versa. And so but when you when the idea is that you want to understand it, so that it becomes applicable in your life? So if we look at it today, if I were to say, so I carry both masculine and feminine energy, right? So do you see it as my husband, absolute as your husband, so essentially, when you're in relationship, there's four of you.

Lesley Logan 11:15  

And you're bringing the astrology, astrological signs,

Kelli Adame 11:21  

You bring in all the temperaments, and like what you are in the Enneagram. But we're just keeping it, keeping it simple. So the reality is, let's just define it a little bit. So you understand, in principle, what I'm talking about when I say energy, so it's like any human being who's working, right. So if I'm thinking, if I'm pursuing, if I'm doing productive, if I'm doing something, if I'm initiating, if I'm leading, if I'm thinking, if I have ideas, if I'm making money, if I'm setting a goal, if I'm functioning in any feminine school, if I'm in work, I'm functioning in masculine energy. So masculine energy says, like, I think I want, it goes after what it wants. It's very rational-oriented, feminine energy is essentially its complement. So its energy is more passive than active, it's about receiving more than it is about giving, it's about being authentically connected to your emotions and your feelings, and allow and giving them space to be integrated and honored. And we talked about how that marries with the masculine side of things. It's connected to sensuality, and sexuality and beauty and, you know, all the things that inspire us, really. So the idea is you want if you, you know, my perspective is, ideally, we want to have a healthy like, inner marriage of those, right? Sort of like the yin and the yang, same idea where you're balancing both of those energies within yourself. So that you know, so like, I love my work. And I know when I'm functioning in masculine energy, and that's great, but I really had to learn how to connect with and embrace the feminine aspect of my life. And the reason that's important is because in our current culture, and this is certainly was true for me. You know, I was raised by a corporate businesswoman. Love my mom, she's amazing. She broke glass ceilings, and did amazing things. But she was not really available to me in her feminine energy and a lot of ways later, actually, ironically, after she retired and stuff that shifted, but all that to say I was raised to be really function in that masculine form. So it's like this is this is why a lot of women I work with are high achievers are perfectionist. You know.

Lesley Logan 13:30  

I'm feeling like I'm being like therapies right now. Yes. All those things. Yes. My father, like I love my parents, love you guys are listening. But like when they told me as a kid, like there will always be someone stronger, faster or prettier, richer than you. So you're only as good as like today's best work. And tomorrow's a new day. Correct? masculine energy. Nailed it. Got that?

Kelli Adame 13:50  

Yeah, we like we're kicking ass in that light. Okay, but when you but when I asked women today, I'm like, Well, tell me how you feel about X, Y and Z. They'll immediately bridge together the other hemisphere of the brain and tell me what they think. So they say they'll say, so they'll give a thought and I go, that's not a feeling. That's a thought. Okay, that's how do you feel? They don't even What do you mean? How do I I don't even know how I feel.

Lesley Logan 14:15  

Like are you sad? Are you like, where do you feel that I'm like, What?

Kelli Adame 14:19  

Are you my body? Oh, yeah, well, no, because you're like, I'm up here. I don't What do you mean? Yeah. Yeah.

Lesley Logan 14:24  

Where am I supposed to feel it? Because I can think that I'll get there.

Kelli Adame 14:31  

And, you know, listen, what's so amazing is that like, so we get into all these. The thing that's also beautiful about this work is that it has to be connected to other other pieces of understanding and sort of like, you know, the roots of a tree. There's a lot of things connected to it. If you just take masculine feminine energy by itself, isolated, and you don't teach like a lot of the other things that I teach, it can't be as transformational. It can't be as integrated. So what I mean by that, for example, is sort of what we're talking about, like we grow up in our family system. And we are in our families. And those are the very first human beings that we have relationship with. And for better, for worse, they download and become the baseline of our reference of what relationship as I talked about that being like your relationship blueprint. And so how you observe the dynamics between your your parents are the people who helped raise you, how they spoke to you, how they, you get conditioned and shaped by that environment, and that is your baseline, that's normal. And then you that's like your programming that gets downloaded. And then you go out in the world and you're like, Okay, I'm gonna go take that programming. And do you know what I've learned to do from this environment, we also learn to adapt to survive those environments, right? Because I've never met anybody who's whose childhood was perfect. Have you?

Lesley Logan 15:46  

No, no. Although I think when we were kids, but like, they have a better childhood, they have what I want. Like, you know, at least those of us who are like, Yeah, this is not, I don't think this is right, I'm gonna go there. That was my, I thought, my best friend had the best childhood, I thought she had the best parents, the best family. And unfortunately, she's no longer with us on this world. And it's because she actually thought she didn't have that. And it's just that was like, when that happened. It happened last year. So she was, um, just shy of like, 39. And it's like, oh, wow, it's so crazy. Like, we look at other people, and we just go, they have the, they have the life that I'm wanting. And really, we don't know, half the story. So now, so it's like, yeah, I understand what you're saying. And no one has ever had a perfect childhood, everyone will have flaws in it. And I guess it's like, the journey that we're all supposed to be to feel those things.

Kelli Adame 16:36  

Oh, totally. Totally. I think so. I mean, if you have the desire to change and the courage to do the work, right. I mean, the willingness.

Lesley Logan 16:43  

Yeah, yeah. 

Kelli Adame 16:44  

That's the thing. And for the people who want to do that, they're our tribe right between you and me, that's like, you know, and I love everybody, you could be exactly where you are, accept you with no judgment. And if you're trying to take this journey, like, I'd love to be able to support you and be of service, right, that's my heart, I think that's yours, too. From everything I can see about, about all the beautiful things you do so so all that to say, it's like when we grow up in this environment, and then we're adapting to survive that environment, then that becomes our conditioning. And, you know, this gets into this idea of parts work that I do, too, which is where you develop these parts, that, you know, like I developed maybe like a performer part, which is that, like, if I get good grades, and if I do really great and I perform well, then I get like love and, and, you know, acknowledgment from my family, from my parents, and wow, that feels really good. So let me keep doing that. So now I'm going to keep performing now I'm going to keep achieving now I'm going to keep in that it's going to be my love language, so that I'm going to grow up and I'm going to start dating men, and I'm going to be putting out there like, Hey, look at all these great things I can do. Look at all these things I've achieved. (Lesley: Look at how great I am. Hello.) Look at how great I am. I have a client and she's, she talks a lot about her PhD. And I can tell her identity is really tied to like, she's like, like, I am a great catch. And I have this PhD and I you know, I've done all these things, and I go listen to me, you are amazing. And everything that you did to turn that around that PhD is amazing. And that is not where your value comes from. And PS I have yet to hear a man go to another man like, Have you seen her PhD? Have you seen all the degrees on her wall? Like, that's what I'm looking for? I'm looking for a girl with lots of numbers on the end of her. You know what I mean?

Lesley Logan 18:26  

Though, so I do know what you mean.

Kelli Adame 18:28  

And that's not just I mean, I'm saying like, I have graduate level education, go get it. Just don't tie your identity and your self-worth to that.

Lesley Logan 18:39  

Yeah, I think that that, like, it's, I think that's really, gosh, it's kind of like, you never know when that could get taken away. You know, like, especially like during the pandemic, so many people lost their jobs or not even lost their jobs, but unable to do the jobs. And they didn't actually know what they were, because they were so tied up in the identity of the job. And or if they like we had I had a guest on, he was a stay-at-home father. And when his daughter like when they took her to college, she thought he had like another day with her and she's like, okay, bye, guys. And he just like did not know who he was. If you did not have a child at home to be at the state home father, and it's like we people get so wrapped up and then look what they do and not and that's not what you're saying is like who we are and like what we the value we bring. Yeah.

Kelli Adame 19:28  

Yeah. And I think a lot of us have to kind of fight to untangle that and figure now, for a lot of us, certainly for me that came from the conditioning of my you know, it was like never an option that I wasn't going to college like my mom was like scheduling family trips when I was like in the fourth grade to go visit colleges while we were visiting national parks. It was like this happened it was you know, and I remember graduating undergraduate, like, you know, when I got my bachelor's and people would ask me all the time, like what do you what do you want to do? And I had this epiphany like What do I want to do? And it was just this moment where I was like, I've never even asked myself, What do I want to do? Because I was living so much of my life for what I thought my parents wanted, or expected of me, or what I thought was gonna garnish approval. Like it was like a like what do I want.

Lesley Logan 20:16  

So I was so that oh my god, that's a question everyone write that down. And like, that's your journal entry for today? Or it's like what I journal about, you could just actually, that could be the question of the prompt every day, are you? I don't again, I don't want to like whittle it down masculine, feminine to like anything like specific but like, is the like what I want to do a more of a feminine approach, feminine energy approach versus like, I feel like, I actually feel like our entire world is like all of us being the masculine energy. Yeah, interesting. And that's not to get onto the world, I don't want to actually dive in and be the person who talks about like, what masculinity is. But like, it really feels like no one actually knows how to be masculine in this world. But we're all in this masculine energy.

Kelli Adame 21:01  

So this is what I'm saying. Like, we could probably do it (inaudible) (Lesley: I'm excited about this.)

Kelli Adame 21:08  

Good. I know, this is my jam, I love it. So it's fascinating. So what's cool about the field of depth, psychology is it looks, it's a subset of psychology, it looks at the way nature culture and the individual, like the individual psyche, and the collective psyche. So you can look at things happening with a personal journey. But you could also look at what's happening in a culture where a lot of things are shifting. So there's obviously a lot of what you're talking about is relevant today. And it's tricky to talk about, you know, a little bit sometimes, because I want to be respectful of everybody. But I also like I can only share what I know is truth that I've experienced working with hundreds and hundreds of people and what I've studied and what I know, but essentially, we are out of balance within ourselves, men and women. And I think that we are on one hand starved for authentic, feminine energy. And I kind of, you know, like, I'm definitely like a first wave feminist. And I think that the feminist movement was amazing and sensitive, opened all these doors for women to pursue all of our gifts and abilities in the world and society. And the world has benefited when our best friend's is an amazing surgeon, she's a doctor. And I remember that whole going through that whole journey with her. But I think that also what happens is we didn't go okay, but at what cost did that come? Because we basically said, Hey, you can go do anything a man can do and you can go shift into that energy and go to work and get degrees and do whatever you want to do. But what happened to is we stayed overly focused with women in that masculine energy and sort of that feminine energy, like, got out of balance. 

Lesley Logan 22:45  

And also it sounded like we didn't invite men to like, by the way, you could also embody your feminine energy and like, look at all like, obviously, like, I'm like trying to picture like my parents generation actually, like talking about energies. And like, I feel like it's a privileged conversation, because I feel like if yes, don't have food on the table, then like, yeah, does it really matter?

Kelli Adame 23:07  

What's primal survival? I mean, whether you're a single or in a relationship, and marriage and family, like it's like Maslow's hierarchy of needs, you have to have a roof over your head, you have to have food, you have to have practical thing. But I think that you know what I mean by that, you know, specifically is that and it is you're you're right, because I was blessed to not have to worry about financial means growing up, right. But I did, I felt emotionally neglected, like I there was, I was like, it was like your feelings? No, no, no motions, quit crying. We're not doing that. Get it together, go do what you got to do. Go to your grind. 

Lesley Logan 23:47  

When I actually think that that was like, you know, those emotional, those emotions. We were told, like, Don't be emotional. You can't be hysterical. Oh my god. So like, society, whether it's at home or at school, and then heaven forbid, you finally got the job. And you're so lucky to be born a year you're born because now you can have this job. But don't you dare cry at that job, and don't actually show too many emotions. And if you're too nice, people will walk all over you. So like, yeah, I read all these

Kelli Adame 24:15  

Mixed messages. Yeah. How am I was supposed to untangle that. Yeah. And you know, and this is what this is why it was so fascinating. My journey, right? Because I look at my mom and her peers. And, you know, my grandmother was a stay at home mom in the 1950s. And my mom was like, Yeah, I'm gonna make my own money and be able to have my own choices and, and good for her and she had to battle men that were trying to sleep with her and people that thought we didn't want to give her credit. She was a woman and all those things that I love and honor respect my mom for, but she was sort of overcompensating for what was happening. What she saw happened with her mom. And so her my godmother, her best friends, they were all like, you know, power suits, like crushing it, and they would say to me, get an education go travel Europe, do you don't even think about getting married until you're in your 30s You have plenty of time, right? And I believe them with why wouldn't I? But that turned out not to really be the truth for me. And I think true for a lot of women because I work with them. So I have all these women. And this was partly my journey, where we went out and did all those things, and attained our independence. And I know that I could be self-sufficient. I'm educated all these things. And there was a part of me that like, but gosh, I would really love to find love and to find, like my partner and to build a life together and have some babies and have it like, I'd like to have it. All right, you see, I can have it all. But nobody was showing me how to do this other high like, oh, well, it's just gonna happen.

Lesley Logan 25:40  

Oh, yeah, no, it doesn't.  

Kelli Adame 25:42  

That's not the world we live in anymore. Yeah, it's a different. So I'm also very clear with women, I'm like, Look, you can have it all you can have a career and you can, like, bust out that masculine energy in those ways. But you just if you also, PS want a loving, successful relationship, if you want to be equally successful in this area of your life, or you want to have babies or you want to have a family, you have to be intentional about that you a have to have some clarity, don't think it's just going to fall into your lap. Right? Because the social norms and the dating and you know, courting norms of like, our grandparents' generation is not where we are anymore. Men can order sex like pizza. Women can be financially independent, right? It's a choice now. But you have to really be intentional, if that's what you want to create. And does that make sense? 

Lesley Logan 26:27  

Oh, and it makes so much sense. Because I have many, many of the female clients I had, they are all able to support themselves, and they have their own homes, and they can do their own IVF treatments, and they would love to have love. And there's a little bit resentment because they feel like they were kind of duped by society telling them like go for the job, get the thing and then you can always find love later. And yes, and I think like, Yes, I don't think it was wrong for them to go for the job. I think that that is I want to be very clear, because like, I guess it's really important that women have the ability to be independent. 

Lesley Logan 27:00  

If we're not going and it's not an order, yes.

Lesley Logan 27:02  

 And,and but also it doesn't have any. So it's a binary. It's not like, Okay, I go for the job. And then I can become feminine. And I get the man it's like, or the woman or whoever you want to get Yeah. But like yeah, like,

Lesley Logan 27:14  

All of us are not actually being taught how to be in our feminine. It sounds like the we. It seems like so natural to be a female. So you just have feminine energy. And actually, like, as you have said, both parties, I mean, we have both, so we need both. But no one's teaching that everyone's teaching us how to be in masculine and go go go and no one's actually saying how to be still and like, feel your emotions and feel your feelings? And, and so it doesn't really matter how much time or money you have if you don't have to be in that space. So I guess I have because like, I'm sure you have like 17 hours of of like trainings on this. And it's not as simple as like a light switch of like, but how do we become more in our feminine energy, like how we invite not only ourselves as a female listeners listen to this, but like, also the partners like my husband, listen to this episode, and we're gonna talk about you.

Lesley Logan 28:06  

I think he feels his feelings sometimes way more than I do. Like, sometimes, like, I can just watch him like being in the moment and feel the energies and like, share his feelings. And I'm like, wow, how did you just do that?

Kelli Adame 28:21  

Yeah, totally. Well, you know, it's interesting, because, look, same thing. And like I have, I think I think I have high masculine and feminine energy. And I think so does my husband. So he's very emotionally intelligent. So he can be really in touch with his emotions. And he's hyper rational. And he's like a thinker. And he's, you know, he's a civil engineer. And he's also a pastor. So he's like, a, right, he's crazy. And he's his, his journey has been pretty amazing in its own right, because he had his own masculine journey of healing of where he had to go through as a man. And so I think you can also talk about this with us talking about, you know, I think what men go through too. And by the way, like, you know, this, a lot, all of this can apply to same sex relationships. It's just that most of the women I work with, and most of what my experience has been, is working with people who are like, looking for opposite. So that's the only reason I'm using that language. But um, so basically, it's like, again, there's so there's four of you no matter what. Yeah, right. Your, your masking moment has nothing. And there's a spectrum, right, like for everybody, and technically you want the polarity to create because basically, it's like, did you ever in like Junior High science class, take them two magnets. And if they had the same electro magnetic polarity, and you brought them close to each other, and they were the same charge, like you couldn't force them together, they would repel. Right? But if one was negatively charged, one was positive charge, you could bring them together or they would just, it's the same thing if we are made of energy and the way that we show up in the world like there is something to that polarity, and we can choose it at any given moment to some degree, so the idea is, in your, when you're working you're masculine period, people are not paying you for your feelings. They're paying for your, they're paying for your competency and your production and your brilliance and all that. But in your romantic relationships, you have to sort of decide how you what you want to experience and how you want to embody that, right. And I think part of what part of that is, you know, you get to negotiate it within each relationship. But in general, I tell people, you want to choose a primary position, you can switch lanes, you can put the blinker on and switch lanes, right. So my husband can talk to me about his feelings, and I can talk to him about my thoughts and my ideas. But I we don't we don't signal conflict with each other by competing for the same position at any given moment. Does that make sense? 

Lesley Logan 30:52  

You know, that is so interesting, because I have, like, I'll notice, like, if I'm going through something, if my husband is also going through something, and it doesn't feel like we can actually solve the problem. But if exactly, if he's going through something, and I can like stand firm, then he can feel his feelings go through that. Yeah. And then, and then vice versa. So it's almost like, Am I making sense of what you're saying? 

Kelli Adame 31:18  

Yeah, it's totally, because you can kind of yield to support one another where you are when you are? Yeah, of course. But if you're both trying to get the exact same needs met all the time, you're going to neutralize chemistry, you're going to invite conflict, you're going to, you know, like repel each other. Yeah. And not really know why.

Lesley Logan 31:36  

It's kind of like what I think like, I remember hearing someone say like, a marriage is never 5050 It's like, 9010 it's like someone's saying the 90 and someone's gonna attend the important thing is a switch places and like someone how that happens. And Brene Brown, you know, said in one interview, she said, like, you know, if I'm not doing well, my husband can pick up more of a slasher and vice versa. But if we're both going, Hey, today, I'm at 40%. We're both of 40%. Like, neither one of us can help the other one, then what are we going to what are we gonna let go up? What are we gonna do? Because we got to, we're, if we both can't be down, otherwise, there's gonna be more conflict, and everything's gonna fall apart. And I feel like that's what you're saying. And that's like, My, how my brain is kind of interpreting?

Kelli Adame 32:17  

Yeah, yeah, well, it's a balance, too, because it's like, there's three things you really need to like, you know, have to have a successful long term, monogamous relationship, you have to have chemistry, it's either there or it isn't right. Otherwise, your friends, you gotta have compatibility, which means that you essentially, in the in like the big rocks, you want the same things. Like if one of you wants 10 kids, and one of you wants no kids, all other things being great. That's a deal breaker, right? If one of you wants to, like, live in an RV and travel over the world, and somebody wants to, like live in San Diego and never move, like, potential deal breaker, right? So and nobody's wrong for what they want. But that's just a matter of like, you can't be incompatible and then be resentful, because somebody's not doing what you want to do. Those are things you have to be clear about. So chemistry, compatibility, and, and communication. And in my experience, most people need help with communication. I haven't met anybody that right. So there's a lot of work I do around communication. And part of that is like understanding what are my needs? And how do I communicate lovingly and respectfully to get those needs potentially met? And it's not a demand. It's not a command, but it's also not self-abandonment. I'm also not going to just not say anything, but part of that is this goes into the feminine energy. How do I know what I need? Well, as particularly, it's true for all people, but as a woman, I would say, What am I actually feeling? Step one. And then you have to sort of like acknowledge that it's okay to feel that feelings, by definition are irrational, but they are just as valuable as rational thoughts in the human experience. So you can't just be like, ah, emotions are like lame. I'm not going to feel them. Because you can repress them. You can act out over them, you can have addictions to numb them out, but they will at some point come for a reckoning, if that makes sense. Yeah, that's what people get in bed, some people get into, you know, you know, will they will get into like therapy with me, or counseling or work through something and then be like, why that was, like, 20 years ago, I thought I was over that. But it's like, right there. And like, Yeah, cuz it never got integrated, you have actually never honored it and allowed it, you know, the place to get expressed and honored and neutralized, in order to really move beyond it. And so those things are sitting under the surface and driving a lot of our behavior, right. So the idea is, for me to be authentically integrated in my own masculine feminine energy. I know I know what I think know what I want, but also what am I feeling? And what do I don't want? Like what doesn't feel good to? Instead of like, just thinking through that lens of what do I want? What do I think I need but to take a minute and check in with yourself and learn how to lean in to go like what would feel good to me. So I tell women like is a good practice like don't do Do something, ask yourself, Does this feel good to me? And if it doesn't, the answer's no, thank you. We're also so conditioned to say yes, and to just do it. But then we can be resentful about that, then we can be passive aggressive about that, then we can feel like, well, you owe me because I did this. No, you weren't, you weren't clear with you first. Does that make sense? That's the whole thing. To be in healthy relationship, you have to be able to take personal responsibility for your behavior, your actions, your words, but you also have to know what you're feeling. And that's a that's a lot of what a lot of women have to learn like, Okay, well, what am I really, I just had a session earlier today, which is like, gosh, it's like, so hard, because I was so conditioned to just, like, get depressed with my feelings, or just avoid my feelings, or just get busy, you know, and now here I am, my father's died. I'm like having this, you know, all this emotional stuff come up, and I have no idea how to deal with my emotions. And there's this backlog of years of stuff that I haven't, you know, worked through. So, you know, it's it's emotional intelligence, like, what am I feeling? And women in our physiology, we need to feel good in order to do good. Yeah, male physiology is opposite. They need to do good in order to feel good. So like, for my husband, he wants to do things to feel like he's winning, or he's accomplishing a task, or he's doing something that makes me feel good. Right? Then he feels like he's winning. I need to feel good, in order to go do good. So this is the other challenge. And problem with us being over functioning and masculine energy as women in our culture, is that I'm doing doing doing doing. And I'm doing good, but I'm not feeling good. Like your body can take the hits in your 20s in your 30s. Yeah. But you start to get older, because I've worked with women and all those generations. It's like, your body's like, I, I can't keep taking the hits. Like you're gonna have to deal with some of this stuff. Does that make sense? Yeah.

Lesley Logan 36:59  

Yeah, it does. I feel like, I really wish I had taken advantage of my 20s and 30s mark, because I feel great at 40. I know I look right for 40. But sometimes I'm like, Who's that feels different? I actually am not recovering well, from that. I don't just take recover from that. Okay. noted.

Kelli Adame 37:21  

Oh, my gosh, I know, I'm like I literally just had to start wearing reading glasses. I was like, what is happening?

Lesley Logan 37:26  

Like, this is crazy. I should have read my books when I was younger.

Kelli Adame 37:32  

But you know, it's like, you know, you love yourself where you are. And I think your 40s is an amazing place to be I'm with you in that. So it's, you know, but I think it's just it's one of those things where us, we have to learn to have create the space, maybe that we were never given, right? This is where like, a lot of times in therapy, you're going through a re parenting process, you're giving yourself the things maybe that you weren't given. And maybe your parents didn't get with you because nobody gave it to them. You know, I'm, I'm of the belief like everybody's doing the best they can. And it's not that we want to blame, you know, our, our parents and our childhoods for everything. But we do want to understand the cause and effect. Why do I operate the way I operate today? Why do I do what I do? And a lot of times we don't even know what that is, unless we're working with someone else that can help us in that process. A lot of stuff sits in the shadow we don't.

Lesley Logan 38:23  

Yeah, I totally understand. Like, I mean, my, like, people have like, asked, like my husband, I like, Oh, I'm gonna have children. And I said, Well, no, but you'd understand when I met my husband. I was five years, five years younger than my grandmother was when I was born. So in my upbringing, I was big on parents age. Yeah. 

Lesley Logan 38:46  

Oh, yeah. I'm like, and so I like so I understand that like, medically and the way the world is, I could have but like, that's just not the way that my brain saw it. And also, then, like being able to look at like, what it was like to grow up having a mom who was super young with a grandmother who is super young, and then how they were parented. It's like, of course, I, of course, this is how I see the world a little differently, because they all do the best I can how best can a 16 year old raise child like let's just be really completely honest.

Lesley Logan 39:18  

Totally. And then how best can a 21 year old raise a child who were in a world where at the time, they just did not even know what postpartum depression was. So there's just a lot that we're all working through. And I think what's really cool is we live in a world now where there's a lot more information. And also we are we are in a, at least for those of us who are in the States or in Western societies, we are in a safe place to be able to lean into our masculine and get worked on and make a living for ourselves and make choices but also, we owe it to ourselves and like the people around us and the next generation if you are a parent to explore this other side so that they can have an even better opportunity. Like maybe they can actually enter the world with both and owning both. and like, feeling their feelings, you know?

Kelli Adame 40:02  

Yeah. Yeah. Well, this is kind of I feel like, it's almost like helping. We have like the masculine energy down as women. It's like reclaiming the feminine and fully integrating. So sometimes I might or like, I had a woman recently that was teaching in a mastermind and she was like, she's like, Kelly, I just got it. She was like, I literally just got it. She was like, you I was like that she's like, the what did she say? She said something like, you know, the, like the she's the angry feminist. But she said, like, the feminist part of me was just like struggling with what you were saying, like, I don't, you know, and she was like, and then I got it. And I was like, No, you're the prize. Like, it's about loving yourself first, and valuing yourself and teaching and inviting a man in his mat into his masculine energy in a way where he will want to pursue you cherish you protect you love you in a way that puts your feelings about his feelings when it matters. And there's a way that that allows you to feel safe and feel loved in a way that you've never felt before. And that that was her whole thing. I've never felt the strength and the safety of a man who loved me, I either it was with men and watch men take advantage of my mom and my grandfather, or I was married to a narcissist. Like I have no idea what it looks like to have good, healthy, masculine energy. So I think there's multiple reasons why we function and masculine energy. And that's another one we haven't even talked about. Some of it's the conditioning. And some of its like our culture. And some of it is also like, it's the way we protect ourselves. Yeah, right. Like, if I, if I'm the one giving and leading and initiating and planning and doing everything, there's a sense of control for me, and I get to feel safe in that. So if I'm, you want me to feel vulnerable, and you want me to share my feelings, and you want me to ask, you know, and allow a man to lead and receive from him like, That's too scary. 

Lesley Logan 41:50  

I can't, but also, it sounds like, you have to be around a man who has good awareness about both his masculine and feminine energies as well, because otherwise, he can't just be all in his masculine, that's not going to make you feel safe to be in your feminine, like, they have to be able to understand those things as well. And I think it also good masculine energy, which you just like said, like, it's not just about them being masculine, it's about them. Yeah, making you feel safe, and putting your feelings above them. 

Kelli Adame 42:19  

Just to clarify, right, because there's a lot of like, this is where we get, like, you know, like, there's masculinity, and there's toxic masculinity, and there's all it is like, I'm just talking about the principle of what healthy masculine energy looks like, embodied in a man it looks like a man who will lead provide protect, cherish women children in the planet, because he has he gets purpose from doing that. Does that make sense? Yeah. So like, you know, I like to say, in a generalized way, when when women get married, they give up like total independence, because you can't be a partnership and be completely independent, right, you have to die to something. So women, we died to some of that hyper independence and say, and men die to that like irresponsibility, the selfishness of like putting myself first and doing whatever I want to do. So there's something that's different. And there's, there's a difference, there's a difference in and I've worked with a lot of men, and I've worked with men that because the other the other thing that's happened is that when when, when women over function and masculine energy, you're going, what happens with men is you're either going to in, you're either going to evoke conflict with them. So if they're trying to hold their masculine energy in a healthy way, but you're challenging that masculine energy with yours, what are they going to do? Right, so it's sort of like, if you think you're sick, you're drawing your sword. You don't even know you're doing it. Most of the time, you don't even realize no,

Lesley Logan 43:45  

It's part of a natural behaviors that you're doing, or Yes. 

Kelli Adame 43:49  

And it's what you kind of learned to survive and what's gotten you as far as you've gotten in a lot of ways in your life. So the idea is like, laying down that sword and learning how to also respect and trust, his energy, and his energy is about pursuing and cherishing and loving your feelings above his own. If you're with a man who consistently wants you to cherish his feelings above yours, that's going to be a painful place for you at some point. That doesn't mean there aren't moments where my husband respects my thoughts and ideas, and I don't, you know, support his feelings. But that's, I'm talking in a primary way. If and I've been with men like that, where I was like, giving and nurturing and loving and sharing all how amazing I was hoping he was going to choose to me and he was like, This is great. He's taken it, but he was I was feeding into that selfish nature nature. Yeah, I was over feet. I was over-giving in a way that made him more passive. And what happened was you I ended up in like a parent child dynamic where I was mama given all this greatness, you know, money, time, body energy, and he was like, Oh, this feels good. This feels good. I'm gonna take all this amazingness from her, but there was no part of him And that valued me appropriately and felt like he had to earn access to have me because I gave him everything hoping he was just gonna value and choose me.

Lesley Logan 45:09  

Yeah, it's such a balance. It's such an interesting thing because and I love that you brought up like what a healthy version of that looks like because they're loving. They're letting go of being irresponsible and like, it's all about me and doing whatever I want. And they're like, actually, their purpose is to protect the family. The house the planet.

Kelli Adame 45:29  

Yeah, children. Yes. Yes. As opposed to being selfish. Peter Pan.

Lesley Logan 45:34  

Yes. Yes. Oh, this is very good. Okay. I mean, my goodness, I feel like we've not even like scratch this.

Kelli Adame 45:40  

And it's because, listen, if Peter Pan has a lot of fun, we've all been with a Peter Pan. Yeah, he's a great playmate. But he doesn't want to grow up. Yeah. And he doesn't make a great life partner, you end up having to carry a lot of the load, and you will eventually feel resentful,

Lesley Logan 45:55  

and you're in your masculine.

Kelli Adame 45:58  

That's what I'm saying. So if you're over giving, so that's the other thing masculine energy gives first, feminine energy gives back once it's been given to you. So it's still a dance,

Lesley Logan 46:11  

Everyone. Did you hear that? I feel like that was something my dad told me. Give it up.

Kelli Adame 46:17  

It's not a sexual. But do you get what I'm saying? I do. I did. I do. I did. It's so funny. I think I did this on Danny Danny Digs podcast in the Injil, the best life podcast because we were talking about how I had spoken at a relationship conference with like, 3000 people. And I like, you know, made a gesture like this. And I was like, what? Like, it made everybody do this. And they were like, what? I know you just made a penis. What's it doing? You know, it's giving. Okay, like this? Yeah, okay, he's made a vagina wasn't doing. And they're like it's receiving and like, it's not doing anything. It's waiting to receive. Oh, yeah, there's a beautiful metaphor and that the other I like, I also love the metaphor, like, I don't know, if you dance or if you like partner dancing like ballroom, I'm a big Latin dancer. So like I dance salsa dancing for years was just so extraordinary for me, healing in a lot of ways, but it's a really beautiful any kind of partner dancing, that you watch that you see, that's just amazing. When you watch a couple do that. And if you've done it, you know what it feels like? It only works because one person is leading and the other person in that moment is following. If you like when I first started dancing, I would do what's called back leading, and I would get yelled at by my instructor. So I would start to dance. And I would start leading. And it's like, he's you're fighting me, like I'm trying to you gotta follow me. And I was like, I, I It's like instinctual for me to lead. And so I had to learn how to trust and follow and not know what was happening. And as I learned how to surrender into that, it was magical, right? And so it's a very, it's a very similar, it's like, it's a beautiful metaphor for like that dance, because this is what it is. It's a dance of masculine and feminine energy, like giving and giving back, and respecting and appreciating and loving and cherishing. And does that make sense?  

Lesley Logan 48:15  

There's like the, you describe this dance, because it's not like a light switch, we're not like, and I'm turning off the masculine and I'm turning on the feminine, like the lights, you know, like,

Lesley Logan 48:25  

It's, yeah, it's a it's a dance. It's an ebb and flow. And it sounds like we have half of every person has to be present in their body to really able to understand what is needed when they're in a relationship versus like, when they're at work versus like, when they're on their own. Like, if you're single listening to this, like, you know, I'm like, what a great place to play with, like getting into your feminine now before like, you end up in a relationship. And then you're trying out this thing.

Lesley Logan 48:54  

Women when we date in that from that place, you're gonna gravitate toward men who are sitting more and like and negative feminine energy, they're passive. They don't want to commit, they're Peter Pan, they could be a con man, that could be a narcissist. They could be all of that makes sense. I listen to all those podcasts for those who have been combative people and you always hear they're like, super, like they run their own business. They're doing all the things they're like, so you know, like they're and you're like, how did that happen to them? Oh, interesting. 

Kelli Adame 49:22  

Yes. So part of being embodied in feminine energy is saying no, to what doesn't feel good. And to having clear boundaries, and to learning how to vet out other people in the sense of you're dating men learning as a lot of what I teach, like, how do I distinguish a good man from a bad man? How do I distinguish with healthy masculinity and with selfish little boy and like nobody? And again, sometimes, again, going back to the family blueprint, sometimes we subconsciously map to things right. So I have a father who I deeply love and I always loved and wanted, I think his approval a lot in my life. But he was a fireman, and he was Hispanic. And so he was very emotionally unavailable to me. Does that make sense? So then I would date men who were great and charismatic and handsome and just like my dad. But then after a while, like, Oh, you're emotionally unavailable, I'm I must be home. Right? Like, Oh, right. And so this is what happens. But nobody goes out. I wasn't out hunting for like, I wasn't looking for, you know, are you emotionally available? Okay, want to date you? You know, it was like, right? You don't it's never in the beginning at everybody. You're dating there, you know, PR department, you in the beginning, you're dating, so they want you to see, and it takes time to discern, but a lot of us are so first of all, we're like dopamine addicts, because of technology in our phones. We want instant gratification. So delayed gratification and patience to like vet people out like we're not as great at So something we got to kind of be careful about. Yeah. Does that make sense? Oh, yeah. And if you, if you sleep with somebody right away, it's for a woman in particular, you'll bond to him through oxytocin in a way that you can't see him clearly. So now you have oxytocin bubble going.

Lesley Logan 51:02  

I have to tell you how i i have to tell you how I like worked my way around this. So because I'd read like, like A Lady Think Like a Man kind of book. Yeah. And like, my friend read it. He's like, he's, like, I'm sure he's a narcissist. But like, it doesn't matter. It worked. So here's the thing, because it said, like, Don't give out the benefits before 90 days. If I work for for I have to wait 90 days. And that's like 90 days, like, I don't know, I want to be with someone 90 days. But if it does, it's not good. So anyways, when I met my husband, he was going through divorce at the time, don't worry, everyone should not in the picture papers were filed like it was. So it was clean and clear. And I was only five months out of like a relationship of five years, it did not go well. And so like neither one of us are really able to date but he was hot. He was like, Hey, you want to get to here? And it's like, you know what, he is not dateable right now, so I will go home with him. But I'm not gonna give him my phone number because then I'm not going to worry about him calling me and I don't have to, I'm gonna, like, block all that I'm not gonna get attached. And then he'll find me when it's time and then we'll date and that's exactly why

Kelli Adame 52:05  

I love it. Let's see, what's crazy about that is you still activated his, like hunting nature for lack of a phone number. And he though there was a scarcity piece of Lady fi. And so this is the thing about men too. They fall in love with women when they're away from them. Oh, so women don't women think like I need to be right on top of him. So he doesn't like find another girl like no, he you need to value yourself enough to do exactly what you did. And be like, if you want me, you can come find me. Because I also need to see that you're willing to pay the price. It's sort of like this. I tell him all the time. It's like, you know, if you're a $200,000 Bharati, right. And there's a man who's like, Oh, that's my dream car. Oh, my gosh, he goes to the car lot. He's like, I want this car. And he asked the salesman, like, how much is it like $200,000? He's like, I don't have that. Like, will you take 50,000? No, you can like Honda dealerships down the road. Like I know. Right? Yeah. It's like, hard. No, what happens is, you are too and $1,000 monitor. I was ready. But you let a man drove it around for a few years for free hoping he's going to pay full price. Yeah, no. It's human nature that we will always value something that we've had to work to achieve. Yeah, I have a medal from running a marathon. And it's one of like my, you know, kind of prize but because I liked it one girl, I was like,

Lesley Logan 53:22  

I just did a half and then I'm like running anymore.

Kelli Adame 53:27  

It's like, if I so I love this metal. Because it reminds me of the whole journey of what I went through in order to achieve that goal. It's a symbol of that. It's not. If I if somebody had given that to me, and I hadn't run the marathon, I'd be like, I don't need this like thrift store. Like, what am I going to do with it? Yeah. Do you get what I'm saying?

Lesley Logan 53:45  

I do so and I'm just like, loving. I love that story. I feel so validated because he did he like, emailed me the next week, like on Facebook. And he's like, how do I know your number? And I was like, Well, I know how you didn't, didn't give it to you. And then like, and then we we didn't date. And in fact, I have like my friend was like, You should invite him to your birthday party. Like I don't text him. He can text me. And she was like, Lesley.

Kelli Adame 54:08  

You let him get lead initiate first. Yeah.

Lesley Logan 54:11  

So I was like, I was like, she's like, You should invite him. So I was like, I don't I know. I've said, I know people don't check their Facebook events. So here is what's happening. Don't tell me you're coming to just show up. Like, I don't want to, like what it's a surprise for me. And like, but like we did that. And then like, it didn't work out. But I didn't text him. And then we finally got together. He had texted me about somebody who was struggling to yoga. And my trainer said, if you want to date this guy, don't teach him how to do that. Because he was certain within yoga. He's like, I know you're applying the doctor. Do not teach him how to do that thing now. And I was like, Oh, thank you for letting me know. And so I said, Hey, do you want to just go to a yoga class together like so I would not be the teacher of the backbends to have your president playing never texted him and when we like was June so we'd like nine months after we met. We were like starting hanging out more. And then he decided to break up with me. We were not technically dating everyone. I was dating other people. Because I was like, Well, one way that I won't be attached to anybody. I'll just do some more people.

Lesley Logan 55:15  

Yes. Yes. Okay, we're gonna have to have all dating episode. But I. So he's like, he said, I don't want to I want to make sure I'm not leading you on. And then he proceeded to tell me everything he liked about me for two hours. One of them is you don't text me. You don't call me. You don't bother me. Like, I have to like call you and I was like, you are like me too much. And it's, it's scaring you a little bit.

Kelli Adame 55:39  

Anyway, we ended up getting together. Because when he when men fall, and this is the thing about men too, they usually only really fall in love, a few times in their life. Because when men really give their heart they give it all the way my old mentor used to say you'll never in the world find a man who's strong, you'll never find what did she say? Like you'll never in the world find a man who's tougher on the outside than a woman is on the inside. And you'll never find a woman who's like softer, softer on the inside than a man is on the inside. Like there's a tenderness again, that's the audio on the on a mess in this the math Yeah, and peace and in its own way. So when men really choose you, because you think they're by nature, they're polygamous, like in their, you know, evolutionary biology. So when they are going to give up all other vaginas for the rest of their life for you. Like they have to value you in a way that is, yeah, extraordinary.

Lesley Logan 56:35  

As you should be. Yeah. And also it also it does and also like, and I have to wrap this up, because I know I know people are driving and they're like Leslie, you never go this long. I know. We're gonna have Kelly back. We're gonna do a whole

Lesley Logan 56:45  

Love your marriage episode.

Lesley Logan 56:47  

I don't know, we'll have to have her back, or continuous conversation. But like, whatever you want, I guess like, I guess maybe this can be what we talked about in the Be It action was in a moment. But like, it sounds to me like as women, we're just not valuing our feminine energy enough. And we tend to see it as like this thing over there that like could embarrass us at any time because we could like break down crying as opposed to like, as opposed to it being this like superpower that like what a cool world that actually like, we always could break the glass ceiling. We live in a world that didn't want us to, but we always had the abilities. And I think that's why they didn't let us write we we forgot to bring this incredible superpower that we have. So naturally. And so yes. So we're gonna take a brief break. And then I'm wondering if we can for the beat actions talk a little bit how we could like value and own that feminine energy level more. Alright, Kelly, where can people find you follow your work with you? And then we'll get to those beat accidents?

Kelli Adame 57:47  

Yeah, I just want to say really quickly, based on what you just said is that the masculine energy is direct. feminine energy is indirect. And it's equally powerful. But it's a different way. It's a different mode. That makes sense. Yeah. So and I teach all of it. Well, all of it as much as I'm able to. So I you can find me at love bravely. academy.com. So I'm literally launching a brand new academy that's basically for high achieving women who are navigating the journey from single dating to successfully married if you're anywhere in that journey, and you want support and insight kind of around a lot of the things we're talking about. That's my whole jam.

Lesley Logan 58:29  

Cool. I love that. Yes.

Kelli Adame 58:31  

Yeah.

Lesley Logan 58:31  

We'll put them in the notes. Ladies, I hope you sign up.

Kelli Adame 58:36  

Me too. I have a waitlist right now. It's exciting. That's it, though. It was. Yeah, it started September, early September. So yeah, so that's kind of where everything is moving now for me is to be able to help more people in that, you know, in that way. And a lot of equipping a lot of teachings so that you can integrate it yourself, whether you're in therapy with somebody else or coaching or if you you know work with me one on one. My practices for right now have a waitlist for that too. But it's you know, I just My heart is I want to help give as much information as I can that can be transformational, and I've seen it hundreds of times with my own clients and with my own life so it's just a pleasure to talk about it and so fun to be with you today, Lesley.

Lesley Logan 59:19  

I know I'm loving this This is so fun. Brad's going to talk all you want me to give you this but we need to how do we like what's that like bold X we'll intrinsic targets stuff, which is also very masculine to me right now. But the bold part and the intrinsic part I think could be very feminine. So what are

Kelli Adame 59:37  

totally what are the things what are the things I was like? Oh my gosh, I don't even like we this down but so i i put a few together for you. So one is in your romantic relationships. Decide primarily which energy you want to sit in. Do you want to primarily sit in the feminine energy? Or do you want to primarily sit in the masculine energy you can have either, but you're gonna they'd be looking for the complement of that. And in my experience, 90% of the women I work with prefer to sit in the feminine energy in their personal and romantic relationships. Does that make sense? But it's a personal choice. So that to say, one of the one of the ways you can kind of questions that I think is really helpful in figuring this out is to say, is it more important for me to say like, Kelly, well, I want both, okay? Of course, we all do, right? But you can't have both equally. Because that's healthy narcissism, and you should stay single. Right? Like if you want, if you want your emotions. So like, if you want your feelings cherished, and you want your thoughts respected, then what your partner, was your partner gonna get? Right? So ask yourself, was it more important for you in your, in your romantic relationships to have your feelings cherished by your partner or to have your thoughts respected by your partner? You can have both but you need like a tipping point. Yeah, just you just need 51%

Lesley Logan 1:01:08  

Yeah, that makes sense. So then you can not be the I'm always like, am I a narcissist? That's probably means I'm not a narcissist. But you know, like, so. Don't ask that question. Like either question could be a codependent.

Kelli Adame 1:01:19  

But you're probably not a narcissist.

Lesley Logan 1:01:21  

Yeah, I'm always like, I'm like And then what step what level it is make this a call, like, you know, so these are the questions that I filter things through. Am I a narcissist is a co leader. And also,

Kelli Adame 1:01:31  

I do a lot of teaching around narcissism, codependency, addiction, trauma. I call them the big four deep dives around that and the Academy, because there's all the phases of relationship how to navigate. So the second thing I said, yeah, yeah,

Lesley Logan 1:01:44  

so you so just to clarify, so we're gonna ask yourself, like which one we want to like living more in a relationship?

Kelli Adame 1:01:50  

In just in your you can be masculine all day, balls to the wall, go get it? In your romantic life? Is it more important for you to have a partner cherish your feelings? Or respect your thinking?

Lesley Logan 1:02:04  

Yeah. And also it sounds like above theirs? Yeah. And it also sounds like, if we want to respect our thinking, then we then have to cherish their feelings. So just like I want them as my my thinking, you also then have to raise primarily. Yeah. 

Kelli Adame 1:02:23  

And are you do you want to lead and initiate most and give more and to start right and be given back to like, so that's the dance, right? And then the other thing is just learn how to identify on air and regulate your own emotions, your own feelings, they're just as valuable as your rational thoughts. And one of the ways to do that is just to ask yourself, even as bait Does that feel good to me? And that's a good starting point. Like, I'm always like, what are you feeling? Learn? You know, those little like, emoji charts. I've shown kindergarten about your emotions, like, sad, I'm angry and frustrated. I'm lonely. I'm like, literally, sometimes I give those. Like, which one are you feeling? Yeah, you know, it's like, so you want to be able to try to identify what am I actually feeling? You don't always have to understand why or where it comes from. You just need to name the feeling so that you don't repress it, and you don't pretend it's not there. You just like, Okay, I'm feeling really lonely right now. Okay. It's okay, that I'm feeling lonely right now. And I don't know why. And you just validate the feelings because feelings are valid, no matter what. They don't have to rationally make sense, but just honor them. Don't ruminate on them and don't make all your decisions. Just how I'm feeling right? But, but honor your feelings. So what am I actually feeling? Validate the actual feeling? It's okay to feel it. Then ask yourself given that I'm feeling this way. What action could I take? Or what can I ask someone? My partner to do or not do that could help me feel better? And then take that action. Does that make sense?

Lesley Logan 1:04:04  

Yeah, yeah. Oh, I really.

Kelli Adame 1:04:08  

So that's, again, that's the integration of your thoughts, your feelings, your emotions, and your body somatically. Like you're honoring all of that. So it's integrated. You're not repressing and you're not acting it out. You're not projecting it. You're like, what am I feeling valid? That I'm feeling it? Okay, thinking about that? Given that I'm feeling that way? What could I do to make myself feel better? What can I ask for? And it could be anything. Yeah, you know, like, it could be the smallest thing and it could be a big thing, but then do it and then repeat. Like I was feeling I came home the other day, and I was feeling really anxious. I don't really know why because I don't typically do that. My husband's like, are you okay? With like, No, I'm not I'm not feeling I'm feeling really anxious. It's strange. And he's like, Well, what can I do to help you feel better? Because he's well integrated. So what can I do to help you feel better and I was like, Thank you for asking. I was like actually going to do sounds like a big oxytocin hug. I just think I need help regulate my nervous system. He's like, Yeah, so just Hold me for like two minutes. And, and that was it.

Lesley Logan 1:05:03  

Yeah. I love that

Kelli Adame 1:05:07  

For example.

Lesley Logan 1:05:08  

I love that because like we had my electric doctor was on earlier this year. And she said, Whatever you're feeling, try not to find a reason around it, because that's just gonna create added stress. And you'll probably you're judging, you're judging emotionally, and there's your, like, more often than not going to create a reason. That was not the reason that made you feel that way. Like you're feeling stressed at work. So you're putting in the work, but it really it could have been the drive, and you're blaming the job and suddenly find a new job, but you're supposed to be your hormones. 

Lesley Logan 1:05:35  

Yeah, it could be your hormones that you're highly empathic, and you're picking up other people's energy. Yeah.

Lesley Logan 1:05:39  

So it's like, just validate the feelings and then ask yourself like, what could I what, what do I need right now? Or what could someone do for me right now?

Kelli Adame 1:05:48  

Like, what action? Can I take? Whatever, you're asking yourself, what action can I take? Okay, that could help me feel better, because we're trying to cheer as your feelings but we're integrating it. 

Lesley Logan 1:05:57  

Yeah. Oh, my God. Do it again. We're gonna do this again. So you know, send your questions. So we're gonna do those again. Kelli, thank you for being here. Thank you so much for helping us kind of understand that like energies because I do think it can get confused with like, femininity and masculinity. 

Kelli Adame 1:06:15  

And I feel like we scratched the surface. Honestly, I guess how can we do have questions? It makes sense. There's so much more to it. But

Lesley Logan 1:06:22  

yeah, we've totally scratched the surface, we definitely have more to talk about. So like, take this in. Share this with your friend. Let us know your takeaways are. And until next time, be it till you see it.

Kelli Adame 1:06:34  

Definitely.

Lesley Logan 1:06:37  

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network.

Brad Crowell 1:07:08  

It's written filmed and recorded by your host Lesley Logan and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 1:07:13  

It is produced, edited by the epic team at Disenyo.

Brad Crowell 1:07:16  

Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music, and our branding by designer and artist Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan 1:07:23  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals and Ximena Velazquez for our transcriptions.

Brad Crowell 1:07:29  

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all the content to our website. And finally to Meridith Crowell for keeping us all on point and on time.

In this podcast episode, Lesley celebrates listener victories and personal growth through community building, emphasizing the importance of embracing spontaneity and self-reflection. She concludes by inviting listeners to share their successes, highlighting the power of trusting instincts and acknowledging small wins.

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected] .

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.

In this episode you will learn about:

• How being part of a supportive community can be a win in itself.
• Why listening to your intuition can lead you to make important decisions at the right time.
• Creating space for new ideas to breathe is essential for personal and professional growth.
• Why sometimes leaving room for spontaneity can lead to great things.

Episode References/Links:

• Mentions, Rael Dellenbach
• Mentions, Alexis Jorge

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox.

Get your free Athletic Greens 1 year supply of Vitamin D3+K2 and 5 free travel packs

Get your discount for some Toe Sox using the code: LESLEY

Be It Till You See It Podcast Survey

Be in the know with all the workshops at OPC

Be a part of Lesley’s Pilates Mentorship

FREE Ditching Busy Webinar

Resources

• Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube!
• Lesley Logan website
• Be It Till You See It Podcast
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTube
• Profitable Pilates

Social Media

• Instagram
• Facebook
• LinkedIn

Episode Transcript:

Lesley Logan 0:00  

It's Fuck Yeah Friday.

Brad Crowell 0:00  

Fuck yeah.

Lesley Logan 0:00  

Get ready for some wins.

Lesley Logan 0:00  

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.

Lesley Logan 0:00  

Hey babe, it's Friday. It's Fuck Yeah Friday. Oh my god, isn't that so much fun to say? It's so much fun to say.

Lesley Logan 0:07  

So, welcome back to the Be It Till You See It podcast. And if it's your first time on Fridays, we celebrate wins. On Mondays, I interview on amazing guests. On Thursdays, Brad and I talk about said amazing guests, and then I'm back on Fridays to celebrate your wins and one of mine. So when you send your wins in, I can share them on the pod, and here's why you want to do that. You might be having a shit day. And then this comes on, and I share a win you had from past and you're like, oh my god, I fucking did that and you get to re-celebrate your own celebration. Brilliant. I know. Okay, so Rael Dellenbach, she is, she is actually one of the eLevate OG. She was in the very, very first round. And she is also an Agency member. So she wrote this. I presented a workshop to other teachers from a studio I used to teach at and I felt it went really well. They had such great questions, and I could tell some of the things I said really opened their eyes to new ideas. At the end, my former boss came to me and said she wanted to take private sessions from me. She already bought a five-pack and scheduled the first two sessions, I felt really honored that she feels she can learn from me, as I've learned so much from her. I also deep clean my studio today, which I love to do, and it's absolutely sparkling and ready for tomorrow's photoshoot. Right now. That is so big. I know how big it is. We have to celebrate it together. But like I love that. You bravely taught your very first workshop. And you felt good about it, that's so important. And then somebody saw this thing in you that they're like, I want that person more in my life. I love that so much. Thank you for sharing. 

Lesley Logan 1:40  

All right, so we have this one from Alexis Jorge from eLevate round three, that I think is just really so fun because it's actually so community-oriented. And sometimes our wins are like that. So here we go. Alexis said I wanted to celebrate our LGBT community as a win. I've met so many brilliant, hardworking, supportive, uplifting and inspiring women in this group. Honestly, this group is a dream come true. I have a partner who is brilliant and has also become the sweetest friend, Lauren. I got to experience my first eLevate Joe's gym with Lisa. It was like a Pilates Super Girl party. She and Megan had us improving our Pilates game and laughing. I'm grateful that Liza gave me a chance to get uncomfortable and take a try at running the Joe's Gym myself. She was teaching Jennifer then I learned how it's so possible to do Pilates with an injury. And what I can actually help them with which I would have been so intimidated by it before this experience. 

Lesley Logan 2:31  

On a personal level, my body is getting stronger and my intuition is getting louder. I'm grateful I was able to hear a loud prompting in my head not to leave my mother's side. And I was able to stand in spine, stretch forward over her wheelchair and catch her from falling into a table in a lamp without injuring herself or myself. Crazy life and I am right where I need to be. Alexis, I think that is just really so cool. Thank you so much for sharing the win of the community. Because isn't it amazing what happens when you bring women together. And I also remember when you were thinking of doing eLevate, I'm so glad that you heard about it when you did and that you joined us right at the sweet time because you make that group just exactly, you just like you like finished it off. You're like just perfect little last puzzle piece to this amazing group and what you provide for them and what they provide you it's just so cool. And you've been working so much on listening to your gut for teaching that you were able to listen to your gut and be there exactly where you need to be to catch your mom. In saying I have chills, I have tears, I'm so happy. So happy that we've met. 

Lesley Logan 4:24  

Okay, so my win. So here's the thing, you might not know this about me, but normally by October of the year, we have actually planned out most everything in the next year. So we do have a lot of things we do have to think about planning because obviously of memberships. So there are live events for OPC that we have to plan one a month and then there's Agency group calls that are one a month I have to plan and then I have my eLevate Round Four to plan and then we have a retreat for eLevate our business coaching and then for Cambodia. And that sounds like a lot already. And I was like okay, I'll plan that but then we're not we're not planning anything else. So we're not going to do anything else. I want to get to the end of October. And I want us just like take a moment see, like, what do we want to add into 2024? And what doesn't need to be there. And this is something we tried last year, this actual year is that like I didn't, we decided the year before, we weren't going to do a business retreat this year. And it's really scary to decide not to do something that you always do, or you've started to do as a tradition, like you're like, am I making a mistake, because it's the biggest mistake I've ever made in my life. And it's like, actually, you can't make a wrong decision if you're like really paying homage to your gut. And I just really wanted to create some space, because there are some ideas that I have, and I can't fit them in to like a spot, I have got to have a space for them to have room, room to breathe, room to grow and to do things. And it's scary when you work for yourself. If you don't do things, you don't make money. 

Lesley Logan 5:50  

And so but what's so nice is that I'm at this point of the year, and I have not filled in so many weekends. In fact, I think we've only filled in seven. So I have like, what 40-something weeks of the year, I can still add things into. And look by Thanksgiving, there's gonna be a lot put in there. But it's just really, really nice that I get to sit in this moment and not go, whoa, next year, that's a busy year, and really get to go okay, so what do I like? What will I be like so much FOMO if it doesn't happen next year, and what do I'm like, I could go either way. And so I'm really getting to take the time, and Cambodia was a great place for me to do that. So I'm refreshed and ready to go. Okay, let's talk about what would be fucking great to be in next year. And what would be nice to have, and what's up if there's space but not necessary. And so really be able to put those ideas in those little buckets. It's just going to be really fun when I get to go plan things because I get to just really make it the year I want to. And that's something I've always wanted to do since 2019. And 2020 was one of those years that like, everything got taken away. And so I was like, okay, be careful what you wish for. And so I've been a little bit more specific about clearing my years. 

Lesley Logan 7:04  

And so, you know, every single year I get better and better at knowing like, what's too much for me? What's just right, what's the cadence, when's the best time for things for me like what, what feels good, and it's just really great. And so I want to celebrate with you that not planning is a win, especially if you're an over-planner. If you are someone who fills all the things if you don't plan, I don't care if you start with not planning an hour, maybe don't plan a day, maybe you don't plan a week, like not planning is a humongous win. And so my love, stop waiting for these wins to be perfect and come in a bow with like I'm a winner on it and start taking notice of where you're making amazing decisions in your life and that's a fucking win. Thank you so much for letting me share that with you. All right, here is your mantra to think about and journal about, percolate on. I am well-rested and excited for the day. Especially a good mantra for like if you woke up tired as fuck today. I am well-rested and excited for the day. All right loves, thank you so much for letting me share your wins, my wins and I want to hear more wins. So make sure you tag the Be It pod. Send them to me so I can bring them on the podcast and until next time, Be It Till You See It. 

Lesley Logan 8:12  

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. 

Brad Crowell 8:12  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 8:12  

It is produced, edited by the epic team at Disenyo.

Brad Crowell 8:12  

Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music, and our branding by designer and artist Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan 8:12  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals and Ximena Velazquez for our transcriptions.

Brad Crowell 8:12  

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all the content to our website. And finally to Meridith Crowell for keeping us all on point and on time.

In this episode, Lesley and Brad explore the concept of doubling your goals and how it can transform your life. Discover why challenging yourself is the key to achieving your dreams and learn how to prioritize your goals amid life's demands.

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected] .

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.

In this episode you will learn about:

• How to challenge your comfort zone by doubling your goals.
• The importance of understanding the "why" behind your goals.
• How to set clear intentions and timeline to your goals.
• Why you should embrace the journey, not just the destination.

Episode References/Links:

• WE & LL Weekend in Chicago
• OPC Workshops
• Business Coaching
• Ready is a Lie by Angie Lee

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox.

Get your free Athletic Greens 1 year supply of Vitamin D3+K2 and 5 free travel packs

Get your discount for some Toe Sox using the code: LESLEY

Be It Till You See It Podcast Survey

Be in the know with all the workshops at OPC

Be a part of Lesley’s Pilates Mentorship

FREE Ditching Busy Webinar

Resources

• Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube!
• Lesley Logan website
• Be It Till You See It Podcast
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTube
• Profitable Pilates

Social Media

• Instagram
• Facebook
• LinkedIn

Episode Transcript:

Lesley Logan 0:00  

Goals should be fucking scary. They should be bigger than what you think you can do because they actually make you become a new person. They make you, they challenge you and they actually they actually make you show up for things that you wouldn't do.

Lesley Logan 0:09  

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.

Lesley Logan 0:10  

Welcome back to the Be It Till You See It Interview Recap where my co-host in life, Brad and I are going to dig into the thought-provoking convo I had with Jake Kaufman in our last episode. If you haven't yet listened to the interview, feel free to pause this now. Go back and listen to that one and then come back and join us. So fine, we actually, Jake is a friend we know him we get to spend some time together we kind of briefly chatted about him in a previous podcast for my Enneagram and Keri Ford is his partner. So lots of amazing people come into the pod because we have amazing friends Brad's so fun. Today, you all is October 19th 2023, if you're listening to in real time, which means it is Conflict Resolution Day. And according to this day, in the calendar, it says conflicts arise in many areas of our life, such as workplaces, relationships and families. It's unavoidable process of life. What is important, however, is how we resolve it. Conflict Resolution is not happy, nasty, can be resolved through peaceful methods. So do any complex or stressing you out you can actually call or text us and share your conflict. And we can give advice.

Brad Crowell 1:14  

Yeah, so no, we'll keep it neutral.

Lesley Logan 1:16  

I love it. Actually, we should give advice I listened to Don't Ask Tig and I listened to Elijah (inaudible) and they give advice on conflicts all the time. All the time. And you know what I love? I love to see if like what they answer I agree with and, you know, typically with Eliza we're on point. Always. I'm gonna tell her that to her face someday. Take a not always no. But I love Tig Notaro. She's so nice. But like this last episode, I listened to them. I didn't agree with any advice they gave out. So that's reallly funny. So you can text we have a number to text us. +1 3-2-3-5-4-6-0 Hold on. +1-3-2-3-5-4-6-6-0-4-2 I would not have chosen that phone number guys. It's too many numbers.

Brad Crowell 2:06  

We might change it but for now you can text us there. 

Lesley Logan 2:08  

It should be like blah, blah, blah. Be It Pod. Like it should be like it should just spell it out. I know that the kids today are (Brad Crowell: I'll tell the producers to get this shit together.) The kids today don't know how to use a phone number. (inaudible) Oh my gosh, I so Little McKenna, because her favorite word is poop. And I told her I said, Hey, my favorite coffee shop's bathroom is bathroom code is 7667. And I said Do you know what that means? And she's like, No. And I was like, it spells poop. She's like, did like I don't understand how that's possible. And I was like, Okay, let me explain your phone to you. So anyways, if you have conflicts that are stressing you out, you can call or text us at 323-546-6042. And we'll give you some advice. We'll put it in the question section. I think that's really fun. I do want to say something about conflict. That is I'm not good at this yet. But I remember our coaches from a while back saying like, do you want to win? Like, is it important to you that you are right, or that you work it out? And the thing is, is that sometimes in conflicts, we just want the person to go, you're right. And like that's rarely good. Like unless the other person is like also enlightened and like understand is right. Like there are people in your life. Like you can probably pick them out right now that even if you share how somebody makes you feel, they're never gonna go, oh my god, I'm sorry. I'm the asshole. Like, it's just not gonna happen. That's why there's a conflict there. But you have to kind of go okay, like, do I need to be right? Or do I just need to work this out. And it doesn't mean like compromising yourself. But it might mean like, just not bringing up 17 things that are bothering you. And just going like, here's the thing that I really needed to change so that we can like, like, stop being late. As opposed to you're late, and you're overbearing, and you call too much. And you're all these things like what is the one thing that would really if they could change that like could actually make the relationship better?

Brad Crowell 4:00  

That sounds pretty personal, but just kidding. 

Lesley Logan 4:05  

Oh, it's not about you. But are you feeling guilty about being late all the time? (Brad: Maybe.)

Lesley Logan 4:10  

Oh, someone's guilty. You guys this is how my dad handles a conflict with Brad. He's like he's like He says, my dad says it, Brad every fucking time he gets in the car. Not five minutes early, you're five minutes late. 

Brad Crowell 4:22  

Right. If you're early you're early. Yeah, you know, you're gonna be on top. We're gonna be on time they'll work. Yeah, well listen, you know, we we would happily give you some advice on how you can be it till you see it while trying to resolve your conflict. So yeah. Text us at +1-3-3-5-4-6-6-4. Okay, (Lesley: See?) 323-546-6042.

Lesley Logan 4:52  

Well, the way we said it so many times people were like, hold on. repeat that one more time and we did it. But do you see how they don't flow together, they don't flow together. 

Brad Crowell 5:00  

It's not a flow number. 

Lesley Logan 5:02  

No, no, my work phone number is really flowy like I will I looked at 10 numbers and I was like, this is the one. Okay, so this week we are oh my gosh, are we still in Cambodia? (inaudible) Yes, we're still in Cambodia. (Brad: In fact.) We're getting the house ready for next year as well. Because we'll have a retreat in October of next year. And if you are on the waitlist for that retreat, you're gonna get the best price like you'll get the best price. So because our waitlisters, get the early bird price. Right?

Brad Crowell 5:35  

Yeah. So basically, get yourself on that waitlist by going to Lesleylogan.co/retreat. We will be announcing all that stuff the beginning of next year. Right in early next year. Probably January. Yeah, we'd be looking at so we'll start sending some emails out about that at the end of this year. 

Lesley Logan 5:55  

Actually, if you're on the waitlist, I send you an email every month, let you know what's going on, in fact that people on the waitlist already have the date saved they are like it's really, we really help you out because we know it takes a lot to plan a big trip. And we have people who are already planning on coming. So it's possible that it sells out really quickly. So you're gonna want to make sure on that waitlist. 

Brad Crowell 6:12  

Yeah, things are starting to get busy again with our retreats. So yeah, don't wait on this right now. We're still only running one a year. And there's only room for 20. So you know, don't don't sit on that. Alright, moving on.

Lesley Logan 6:25  

Moving on November I am you can sign up for Chicago when you hear this if there's any spots left. So each of the classes only have sponsor 12. And the workshops only have space for 24. That might sound like a lot of people. It's not a lot of people because it's Chicago and there's a lot of fucking people in there. So you're gonna want to go to beitpod.com/chicago to snag your spot. That'd be beitpod.com/chicago. Erika Quest and I are teaching team workshop, classical contemporary collides. I'm teaching a workshop on how to build your tower and Springboard class. I have a masterclass there. I'm so excited to be teaching in Chicago, this is going to be a lot of fun. So we'll be back. And it's great. And then in December, I will have details on my workshops in Frisco, Texas, the first week of December with Erika Quest soon. First people get to there's like a group of people get to send it first. Sorry, don't get mad. They're inviting us. So they get first dibs. But then we'll be on tour. So we have already planned this out. By the time you're hearing this, we already have the cities locked down, we order the things and in fact, we probably are already marketing some of those said cities right now. But at the time we're recording this. We're still putting those things in place. But it's our biggest best tour ever. And I'm so fucking excited about it. It's gonna be amazing.)

Brad Crowell 7:40  

It's gonna be amazing. We're gonna be basically rolling out cities as we confirm them, right? So consistently check back there may be a city near you. We're gonna do 7000 miles on this upcoming tours.

Lesley Logan 7:53  

We have people who are all like we will we have some members who already know we're not coming to their city. And we're like, oh, we're hoping to go this city and like two hours away. I'm gonna make that happen. What do you think it's going to be? I'm gonna start blocking my day out. So we're driving 7000 miles, you could drive 100? I'm just saying.

Brad Crowell 8:08  

Yes, we'll be able to answer that. Yes.

Lesley Logan 8:10  

Yeah. Conflict resolution right there.

Brad Crowell 8:14  

In the meantime, get yourself on our waitlist for our events go to opc.me/event opc.me/event.

Lesley Logan 8:21  

Yeah, then you won't have to worry about missing anything with like socials or emails or whatever. Because it is the holidays. It gets crazy. Before getting talking to Jake Kaufman. Do we have an audience question?

Brad Crowell 8:32  

We totally do. This came from IG. Thanks so much for asking. The question is I started an online platform because my social media has a good following, but I feel like it's turning into a full time job. Does it ever simply become a side hustle?

Lesley Logan 8:48  

I mean, it's someone's full time job. Whether it's yours or not, is a different story. But this question I really loved and I actually chatted a little bit about it on Instagram, and it got a lot of people going, Oh, my God, I feel so seen because my answer was, yeah, it's it's multiple people's full time jobs. So Brad can pitch 

Brad Crowell 9:07  

I can definitely attest. I mean, the second person in our company that we ever hired, was to begin supporting the online platform. Yeah, it was a video editor. Yeah. And we brought her in and she said, I need five hours of work a week. I said, perfect. I'm offloading the editing of these classes to you. And so she was editing two classes every single week. But that was like the second person that we hired today our team has grown to more than 20. Yeah, not all of them are working on full time on the on the online platform there there are, I don't know but like seven to ten people who are working on our platform all the time. 

Lesley Logan 9:11  

Here's the hat I still wear for OPC I'm still the content creator. I'm still the social media manager and content creator of that content. I am still the marketing head of said things. You're writing the emails, I'm writing the emails I am creating the classes I'm done the person filming the classes

Brad Crowell 10:03  

Plus you're planning stuff out too. (inaudible) 

Lesley Logan 10:05  

And then I also have things I also brought on other teachers thinking that would actually help me out. But I still have to manage them and approve their classes and approve their stuff and their ideas. And I'm still the person who comes up with all the workshops and all the things. So I still have a heavy workload. And sometimes I'm customer service, because people don't go to customer service, they'll come to me and I'm like, you come to my DMs. And it's, I don't want to I don't go fuck you. But I want to go, I have no idea what your password is like, I don't know. I don't know what you bought that with? Did you put your right email in? So um, sometimes customer service. And then. And then we have Brad who runs the team, we have a project manager who makes sure everything happens on time, we have a full time editor, someone who literally edits so much that he has full fucking time. And we are not even putting out the same amount of content that light plays anytime or any of the other people are. We also have a full time customer service person. And we have Emma she's like total strategist when it comes to ads and things like that, and conversion. And we have somebody who who schedules those said newsletters we like

Brad Crowell 11:13  

All of that said, Listen, don't cry for me, Argentina. That's not what we're not putting this out there. You know, we're not trying to make you feel bad for us. But we are definitely saying that what started as what we thought was going to be a side hustle and forever recurring revenue. (Lesley: Oh, yeah.) it was not realistic for us to have those expectations. Because, you know, now we're five years into this project. And the fact is, in order for us to go bigger, to go better, to get better quality stuff, to be more consistent with our deliverables, to make our website easier to use, to make sure that (Lesley: I forgot the developers, I forgot all this) make sure that we're getting, you know, people the support that they need to use the membership. It's turned into a hell of a project. And we're quite proud of it, but not in any way, shape, or form is it a side hustle.

Lesley Logan 12:03  

Yeah. And I love that you pointed out, it's like, don't cry for me. My friend Erica Hood, she's been on the show before. She actually said, yes, everything you said on this Instagram thing is true. And I still would do it. And so you just have to ask yourself like, like, it's that idea of like, choose your shit sandwich, like life is, is basically some amazing bread, and some sort of like awesome things that you love, you know, like you love a certain sauce, you love a certain salad, you love a certain cheese, some shit in the middle, some more good stuff and some bread, right? So there's always going to be a trade off everything. It's called balance. So you just have like you decided that's what you want. If you're like, I hate technology, or I hate social media, or I don't want to wear all these hats. There's other ways of making an income stream. And, and but don't I wish we had known at the time, it wasn't a side hustle. I wish we would have known like we're stepping into a full time hustle.

Brad Crowell 13:01  

It's a hungry baby, right? Yes. What we mean by that is it actually never grows up, you're always going to be producing content for it. So if you're looking for something that could become a side hustle, you want something that has a start and a stop to it. So that it's like a course or a webinar

Brad Crowell 13:16  

or our work or our workout series, you know.

Brad Crowell 13:20  

Yeah, but it'd be a courser webinar, it's a start and stop, right? So like it could be a sequence of things. The point is that it's not consistently requiring new content. And then what you can do is you can make the most amazing, incredible, fantastic, super over-deliverable content once Yeah, and then you can focus on the marketing aspect of it. That would be far more of a side hustle than a membership. 

Lesley Logan 13:33  

And if you are wanting to dive into this, we do all this inside of agency. So you can go to profitablepilates.com/agency to check that out. If you want to book a call and see if you just do the right thing that's for you, then reach out to the team, you can use that phone number that we repeated 17 times. No, don't use that. Don't use that one. Okay. 

Lesley Logan 13:46  

So on the agency page is a place to book a call with me. 

Lesley Logan 14:04  

Oh, book a call. And that way you can just see because it's important that you know these things, so that you can actually make the right decision for you based on your goals. So thanks, you can send your questions into the Be It pod. You can use well you can't use the phone number for that. And you can use Instagram or, or anything that we find the Be It pod on and send your questions I will answer them.

Brad Crowell 15:45  

Okay, here we go. Okay, now let's talk about Jacob Kauffman. Mr. Jake Kauffman is an author, International Men's transformation coach and spiritual mentor. He delved deep into the complexities of human motivation and self-worth, specifically his own, to write his new book in order to help men align with their deepest self-truth and authentic self.

Lesley Logan 17:30  

I loved a lot, it was really fun. I thought, there's some really good stuff in there. And so he talked a lot. My favorite thing I think, was probably like, readiness is not a state of being, readiness is a decision. And I 

Brad Crowell 17:43  

I think that was pretty powerful, too.

Lesley Logan 17:45  

I'm like, done, interview done. That's enough. Just put that on repeat over and over again. It's a mantra like, because I, we hear this all the time, I'm not ready. I'm not ready. I'll join when I'm ready. I'll do this when I'm ready. And it's like, I just even saying those things out loud, you can clearly hear that readiness is a decision. It's not a state of being and like, Angie Lee is always about, I think she's been writing a book called Ready is a Lie. Because the point that you actually do feel ready for things is when you're almost sort of you're too late to the game. But like, you're feeling ready, because so many people have done what you were thinking of doing that now it feels safe, or you have, like, your goal of that thing is no longer scary to you. And, you know, we've talked to so many people about goals should be fucking scary. They should be bigger than what you think you can do. Because they actually make you become a new person they make they challenge you. And they actually, they actually make you show up for things that you wouldn't do. You know, so I, I'm like, I loved it. Like, that's enough for me to love. But there's a couple other things in here. But I just, I don't know, I just really think that is brilliant.

Brad Crowell 18:58  

Yeah, I mean, you know, I think even just in relationships and stuff, you know, I remember after my ex right away, I was like, I'm not ready. So I like was 100% unavailable. I didn't go on dates, I didn't talk to people about it nothing, right. And when we met even after we started seeing each other for, you know, on and off again for roughly six months, and even then I didn't feel ready. You know, to make it an official real consistent thing. And that if I had trusted my feelings, I don't think we ever would have gotten together because I would have continued to break up with you.

Lesley Logan 19:45  

You already broke up with me twice. There was not. There was not going to be a third time. 

Brad Crowell 19:50  

But there was a point where it became had to be a decision and the decision was in direct conflict with the way I felt which was weird because it became this like heart versus head scenario of, you know, the logic, the logical Brad looked at everything written down on paper and was like, yes, but why do I feel afraid? Right? And that, and that was where that was the crux of it for me, because I was like, well, I shouldn't be ready, but I don't feel it. But I know that this is, I know that one plus one equals two here. But why does it feel like one plus one equals three? It feels like one, you know, and that's not that clearly isn't right. So it became this really internal struggle. But that's why I really appreciated what he's talking about what readiness is, it's not a state of being readiness is a decision that you make. And so when we started dating, I was like, I am ready to date even though I don't feel like I'm ready.

Lesley Logan 20:47  

Yeah, I remember that. Actually. I remember being, I remember being dumped twice.

Brad Crowell 20:56  

It's confusing for you.

Lesley Logan 20:58  

The most confusing thing was when you gave me a present, and then you told me not to read into it. I was like, That's so weird. It sounds strange. But it was a decision for you. I think it was also a decision. I remember that being a decision for me as well, because I remember when you decided that you were, like ready to try and I was like, oh, there's dog food at my house for a dog that's not mine. And there's things here for the next time you come am I, am I ready for this? And I was like, well, it's a decision we're making. Here we go. So I think I joke a lot like the reason this podcast even exists, Be It Till You See It is because I don't often feel ready for most of the things we decided to do. I like actually joke that there's a lot of times I feel like, you know, when you're at the top of the roller coaster, and then you get to like, it's like, I don't know, I did six flags a lot. And they had this old, old roller coaster. It's like clink, clink, clink, and like with each one builds up this like? Yeah, but it builds up this like, there's nerves, there's excitement, there's fear, there's like

Brad Crowell 22:03  

It's true. The anticipation. 

Lesley Logan 22:04  

The anticipation. Like, when are we at the top?

Brad Crowell 22:06  

I wonder if that's on purpose? I mean, I know it's the mechanics of the thing. (inaudible)

Lesley Logan 22:11  

I think the new ones do it just for the fuck of it. I don't think they actually make those noises. But the old ones make those noises. Right. And so, but I find that everything we do, I feel like I am going, my arms up. And I'm just like, here we go. I have no idea where this roller coaster is going and I say all that because I don't ever actually feel ready. But I also know that I can't go back. Like I know too much. You know what I mean? Like I, I have this idea. I have this goal. I have this thing I have to I have to see it out. And so I actually feel uncomfortable trying things like, you know this for me, like, how annoying was I when I was like we needed this podcast and it's fine. And you're like, No, we have to wait another year. And like we need this podcast, like I just could not let it go. Because I had to do it. Because I had this idea I was being I could see how it could work. And I was scared as fuck. But I had to do those things. And so I find like that the simple way of thinking of readiness is a decision versus like a state of being is really, really unique and a great way to summarize things. And I hope that everyone listening to this goes, Okay. Make a fucking decision. Like even if you decide not to do something, that's fine, but the state of like being in between and waffling is really uncomfortable and very stressful. I'm sure you were very stressed out trying to decide if you should date me or not. I know because you called me to talk about it after you broke up with me. Anyways, we should move on to what you liked.

Brad Crowell 23:47  

Okay, so one thing I thought was really interesting was, Jake was talking about happiness, and the state of happiness and the pursuit of happiness, and how it's kind of a shallow, shallow goal. And I kind of wanted to talk about that a little more, because there's one thing specifically that resonated with me. First off, he's like, he's, he talks about how happiness is is kind of short-lived. It's a moment. And it's, it's not like an ongoing state. You know, and so that's why, when we like we can trick ourselves into feeling happy by achieving a goal. And then we turn into a goal, like, driven. It's a goal-driven society that we live in already. But if you're like, allowing yourself to hit a goal, which is a good thing, not not not a bad thing, but when you hit a goal, we feel good but then what we go like you and I are workaholics. And by nature, it's just how we are. And we never leave ourselves time between what we just did. And the next thing to appreciate what we just did. So we feel happy for like, just a brief moment. And then we're like back to the grindstone because we got another goal we have to hit over the next hill.

Lesley Logan 25:18  

I don't love workaholic. And I also don't totally agree with all of that. But I do understand that we could celebrate, we could spend more time celebrating more. Yes.

Brad Crowell 25:26  

Yeah. But But Well, that's not my point. My point is that if we, if our life turns into goal to goal to goal to goal to goal, and you know, then we're constantly driving ourselves, you know, to hit that goal, where, and that and that ultimately, like, you know, ultimately, that's not sustainable. It leads to depression. You know, it leads it leads to you, judging yourself beating yourself up, right. And so

Lesley Logan 25:54  

I definitely feel like in 2020, when we did like three Agency Minis, that's the only time we've ever done three in a year, I felt like, okay, we are not sitting in the moment of celebrating what is happening. And we are putting ourselves through too much. And I think sometimes you have to almost some people might have to do too much to understand where that line is. And like and to really understand like, oh, okay, that's more than I can handle. Now. Let me take a step back. And I agree, like you have to celebrate those moments. Otherwise, you just what are you doing it for?

Brad Crowell 26:27  

Yeah, yeah. Well, well. You know, I just thought it was interesting, to, you know, I grew up with, I grew up in the church, and they talked a lot about this idea of contentedness. Right. And I always thought it was a little cheesy. And I always thought it was like, you know, it was an opportunity for people to to slack off and, and call that normal, like, oh, I'm being content, but I'm not actually doing anything. Right. And so I think that's like, the wrong way to look at that first off, like today, but I also think that like, let's like a completely other side of the coin, where it's like, you're going from goal to goal to goal to goal to goal, or you're like doing nothing. Those are like the two extremes. I wonder if there's a way that we could marry the two, you know, like, it'd be meet in the middle. And

Lesley Logan 27:16  

I think you're calling me and I look for balance. And we already know that that's not real. But I also I do I remember the church, I remember like people saying you're never content. And I remember going, why the fuck should I be? This is not good enough. And I think like, I think contentment is something that you get to define what that is, and it's absolutely fucking okay, if what you're in right now is not something you want to be content with. However, if you are not ever taken a moment to give your like, reflect back on what you have fucking done. You are, you are going to burn out. Right. But I do. I do think like, 

Brad Crowell 27:59  

I don't think I have the answer for this. 

Lesley Logan 28:01  

I know. I don't. I don't think it's I think it's individual. But I do understand I hate like, I just want to be happy. Well, yeah, I feel like that's a decision too I feel like just like, I feel like happiness is a decision you can be I have we have when we were in LA, I met many a happy homeless person. I'm, being really honest. Not everyone. But there was some people who were like, truly kind and nice.

Brad Crowell 28:25  

I wonder, I wonder if we could amend. If we had a further conversation with Jake, maybe we would amend that statement, that happiness is fleeting, maybe its goal, like, say achieving goals is fleeting, right? And the happiness is where you what you can find between the goals? (Lesley: Well, I think I love your bringing this up.) You know, the idea of chasing rainbows. And, you know, not that like rainbows are I mean, I don't know if I agree with that. Because rainbows, you'll never actually catch them. (Lesley: No we try, we catched one, we did.) We did, we actually went under one we're like we did, it's gone. 

Lesley Logan 28:56  

It's gone. We're like I was trying to film it. It was like, I don't know what crazy but I actually, you know, here's the thing. Remember, we had James Patrick on and he was talking about how the goal cannot be I get a magazine cover. The goal has to be the actions that I take that I have control over. And I think most people's goals, including what they define as happiness, have way too much to do with things they have no control over. And that's why it's shallow. Or maybe that's not the best word but fleeting. 

Brad Crowell 29:34  

Well, even if you achieve it, like you know, like, like, you know, I want to get whatever it is in your life, whether it's a business move you're making or a car you need to buy or a school you want to go to or whatever, you know, like you did it you got that, you know, and then the most what we're taught as a society is like (Lesley: What's next?) What's next and that's I think, oh is the issue. That's where it's the quote-unquote chasing rainbows. Just jumping from goal to goal to goal. 

Lesley Logan 30:01  

Every woman listening to this understands this because it's like, oh, you're dating when are you getting married? (Brad: Oh, right. Oh, congratulations when are you having kids? - inaudible - Oh, I need this.) Oh my, you know what I loved so much. When we bought this house, we actually, talk about fleeting. We literally fucking sign way too many papers you guys and then got on a flight at two in the fucking morning. So not even eight hours later, from signing the papers on this house, we got on a plane to go to Korea. And thank God for our amazing co-workers and friends. They're not like they're just colleagues, actually, they all made a point to make sure they celebrated us buying our house, because we weren't at home to celebrate buying our house, you know, (Brad: We were gone for two more weeks.) I really just appreciated them all so much. I don't think that they even know the power of what that was. But just that every single day somebody there was like, oh my god, congratulations on your house like, and I just felt like that was so special. And so maybe we can actually do is it's really hard to like take to like understand yourself and your celebration. But what if the people around you, you help them celebrate their, what they achieved more. And even later, even a week after? Hey, I saw this congratulations so that you can kind of help because if you do that for them, it's reciprocity. They're gonna do it for you, they're gonna realize how good it is. And again, I don't think happiness should ever be the fucking goal. I do go back to like, how can we be the best fucking person that we can ever be so that the people around us lives are better because we're in it. And, and that goes to like this book that he wrote, he wrote this book to help people based on what he experienced in his life and what he learned. So you could pay that forward. And I think that that's like whether you read a book, whether you're a teacher, whether you're a parent, whatever, we're all actually just trying to leave, I hope, I don't know. But I like to think that you're listening this podcast, you're all we're all trying to leave this world a better place than we found it. And that's a fucking great goal, rather than happiness being the goal. Anyways, I guess we like pontificated a little bit. Okay, that's what the recap's for. 

Brad Crowell 31:11  

Stick around. 

Brad Crowell 31:55  

Alright, so finally, let's talk about those Be It Action Items. What bold, executed, intrinsic or targeted action items can we take away from your convo with Jacob Kauffman? So okay, so ironically, we talked about goals. But we didn't talk about the the achievement of goals. Instead, we talked about the challenge of the work that you do to achieve the goal, right. So double your goals is what Jake was talking about. So, you know, he said, if you have a goal, write it down, and then double it. So if you if it's monetary or quantitative, you can literally just put times two, if it is time-sensitive, cut the time in half. And challenge yourself because he said we often set safe goals for ourselves, as well. And the safe goal would be like, Oh, I think I'm gonna write a book in five years. Yeah. Right. And he's like, what if you did it in two and a half? Or what if you did it instead of 12 months? You did it in six months? Right? And I thought that was cool. Because, you know, not that it's not that we want to focus on only the achievement of the goal, although we do believe in celebrating your wins and achieving a goal is a win. But in this case, what we're talking about is challenging yourself with the actions that you're taking. And, you know, he said that most people set goals that are you know, we we'd be surprised of what we can do if we actually pushed ourselves.

Lesley Logan 35:05  

Yeah, yeah, I think I actually really enjoyed like cutting the time in half or, or doubling the goal. You know, I think I talked about this with an episode is coming out soon with Michael and broke and we brought him back. He has a massive goal of having 10 New York Times bestsellers. That's a massive, it's a massive goal. And he definitely has not cut the time in half. But I would say he, that's a fucking huge goal that like really challenges him to be a different person. But it made me think of and her name is escaping me still. And I think you could help me. Remember the woman who we had on the pod and a webinar who wanted to do like the bold like bodacious, like not bodacious, probably the bat like, like the bigger than God goals like that was her whole thing. Do you remember her? Joanna Vargas refer to her and Halina as it's like, it's a beautiful name, and I can't think of her name. But she, she talks about having these goals that are so beyond what you actually could figure out on your own, so that the universe actually has to step in and meet you with your preparation. And I really fucking I think this is what that makes me think of. Because sometimes we work with people all the time. They're like, I want to make $30,000. And look, there's nothing fucking wrong with you if you want to make $30,000. But when you're paying me 10% of that, I want you to make a little bit more because I know what taxes are. I know what costs are. So I think sometimes we play small because we want to actually hit the goal. And if we forget that, like the journey along the way, like if you set a goal for 60,000, and you make 45, it's still fucking amazing. Because what you had to become to do that is way bigger than the person who had it make 30,000.

Brad Crowell 36:48  

Yeah, it really pushes you and I think one more comment about this. Jake said to write these down, first off, what is your goal than double your goal? And he said, also write down. This is the action that you're going to take. And the reasoning behind it. Why do I want this goal? Answer the question. What will this enable or empower me to do? And then only then how am I going to get done? Yeah. Right. So that's,

Lesley Logan 37:18  

I do like the how being after the why, and what will those will enable me to do? So. Now,

Brad Crowell 37:24  

there was one more step and I thought it was Yeah, it's really poignant. 

Lesley Logan 37:27  

Yeah, this is mine. You're going to make a contract with yourself. Yep, you go, you're actually gonna write down I, then your name, am officially unavailable for any other outcome. And then you sign it, and you date it. And then by when you will accomplish it. So that you're solidifying the commitment and ensuring accountability. This clear intention and timeline will help and I think this is actually really cool. Because even, you guys, even if you fucking miss your deadline, if you were actually taking the steps to get there on time, you fucking won anyways, like, deadlines have to get moved all the fucking time. But if you are moving the deadline, because you actually would take any actions, but you just need more time. And you didn't know it or whatever, that's fine. If you're moving if you keep hitting the 10th deadline, because you didn't actually take the actions. That means you didn't really want it anyways. Like that's you're procrastinating for a reason.

Brad Crowell 38:21  

Yeah. So I think there's something really interesting about the idea of making a commitment to yourself making a contract with yourself. Because it levels it up, it takes it to it puts you in a position where you take it more seriously. And I think it's really easy for us to be like, if I don't tell anybody about it. Or if I don't write it down, (Lesley: If I keep it to myself) then no one will know. If I fail (Lesley: no one will know) it doesn't really matter anyway. 

Lesley Logan 38:55  

And like, it's fine. Because no, you know, it's okay. Like, it's okay, if it doesn't happen, like the stories you fucking tell yourself.

Brad Crowell 39:01  

 Right. Or, you know what, I really needed to take care of my kids. And so they take precedence over me. You know, whatever it is. (Lesley: That could be true.) Well, no, of course it's true. But it becomes it can become like the life can become an excuse. Oh, yeah. You don't look at your, your goals or your thing as as something that actually needs to be done. And so when you make a contract with yourself, or a commitment to yourself that's that's a whole nother level to you know.

Lesley Logan 39:34  

Yeah, you are so right. I've met many an amazing woman who has children and shit going on, and other shit going on. And they still make their things happen. It's not because they have more money than you. It's not because they had better luck on their side. It's because they literally were like, I'm going to just get up I'm going to write for fucking five minutes like we interviewed somebody who like, literally got up at 4am to write for one hour before everyone started waking up because (inaudible)

Brad Crowell 40:04  

I don't even like the idea of like, oh, just like, like, you know, just get up, the people get up at 5am. And they only wants to succeed (inaudible) But I think I think that

Lesley Logan 40:14  

No. My point is that they prioritize their goal, even with all the shit.

Brad Crowell 40:18  

Yes. And that's, that's I agree, I agree. And that's it.

Lesley Logan 40:21  

You could also stay up one hour later or you could do it on your lunch break. Or remember we interviewed what's her name Kim, who would go into work and she'd write for 15 minutes on her book before she start her work day. Like, it's just about like, okay, it's, it doesn't have to, it doesn't be perfect. I think that too often, we're waiting for perfect circumstances to work on the goal. And that will never ever happen. The stars are never going to align in this perfect, amazing space. Because what's gonna happen like, Oh, my God, I'm just gonna lay down and take a nap. I'm so tired. So it's just about going okay, I only have five minutes. I'm going to work on this thing that I truly want for myself for five minutes.

Brad Crowell 41:01  

Yeah, and I think the consistency of it. You know that you'll you'll make the decision to be consistent on it when you level up your commitment. And that contract is really helpful.

Lesley Logan 41:13  

I'm Lesley Logan and I'm Brad Crowell. Thank you so much for listening to us. We are so grateful for you. I can't believe it. What happened it's (inaudible) holy fucking moly. This is brilliant. We would never be here if it wasn't for your ears and your comments and your views and your awesomeness. So thank you so very much. How are you going to use these tips in your life? Are you gonna write that contract we want to know and send us in your questions or your conflict resolution wonders, and we will answer on the next podcast. Until then be it till you see it. 

Brad Crowell 41:18  

Bye for now.

Lesley Logan 41:18  

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network.

Brad Crowell 41:36  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 41:38  

It is produced, edited by the epic team at Disenyo.

Brad Crowell 41:39  

Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music, and our branding by designer and artist Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan 41:41  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals and Ximena Velazquez for our transcriptions.

Brad Crowell 41:44  

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all the content to our website. And finally to Meridith Crowell for keeping us all on point and on time.

Lesley and Jake engage in a meaningful conversation about the intricate facets of healing, the evolution of identity, and the profound influence of societal pressures on men's mental well-being. Gain insight into the hidden implications of perfectionism as it frequently conceals deeper underlying issues, hindering the path to genuine healing.

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected] .

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.

In this episode you will learn about:

• How to navigate the layers of healing from trauma. 
• The importance of unlearning negative patterns.
• The link between societal pressures in mental health.
• How to embrace readiness as a conscious decision.
• How to avoid the trap of constantly chasing happiness as a goal.

Episode References/Links:

• Follow Jake on IG: @iamjakekauffman 
• Follow Jake on X (formerly known as Twitter): @iamjakekauffman 
• Follow Jake on FB
• Check out Jake's website Awake With Jake
• Let Love In
• The War of Art

Guest Bio:

Jake Kauffman is an International Men's Transformation Coach & Spiritual Mentor to purpose driven, visionary men & entrepreneurs who are seeking to grow in their life & leadership. He has supported hundreds of men to thrive and reach the next-level in all areas of life, business & relationship. His mission is to help men radically heal & transform so that they can achieve their full potential and fulfill their purpose.

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox.

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Episode Transcript:

Jake Kauffman 0:00  

In the process of creating art, we're forced to confront the unhealed, unintegrated, unreconciled parts of ourselves in order to create authentic art because it's really about coming back into a relationship with who we are authentically. And that's what is at the forefront of my work with men so that they can go from this identity that is focused on getting paid and getting laid to, like, their divine purpose, their higher purpose, their mission in life that is always bigger than the individual and is always meant to outlast the individual.

Lesley Logan 0:00  

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.

Hi, Be It, babe. All right, we have a really awesome guest today, I'm really excited about it because I just finished talking to him. So we had Keri Ford on earlier this year, and she was a phenomenal somatic coach for women. And she was asking me if I wanted to if I thought that her partner would be a great fit for you guys. And I heard about his book, I heard what he does, and I was like, absolutely, actually need to talk about this. Because I think first of all, even though you will hear him say he's a men's transformational coach, a lot of what we talked about is our perfectionism and why some of us would use perfectionism in our life for procrastination. So please take a listen for the lens of like, what, how am I using that in my life and, and what is that like, and then holy fucking molly, like holy fucking molly, the Be It Action Items at the end. I've already, I wrote them down after the whole interview was over so that I could use them right away. They're very action-oriented, easy to use, and apply right away. And so you definitely want to stick all the way to the end. So I guess Jacob Kauffman, he is the author of Let Love In. 

And I just wanna say thank you to Jacob for being here. Thank you for sharing his story. And also, thank you, for you listening. We bring in different guests all the time. Because I know that sometimes I can hear something from one person. And it can be like, the thing that I knew that day, and you can hear it and it could be the thing you needed yesterday, next week for a friend. And then we have another person come on, and they say something a little bit differently about the same thing. And it can just start to help peel back the layers that help us eventually be it till we see it because being until you see it is not easy. It is not something that like you just decide. And like it happens, no problem every single day. It is a decision you have to make every single day over and over and over again. Because it's actually kind of easy to not be it until we see it to just wait and like let things happen to us. So anyways, Jacob Kauffman. Thank you for being the guest. Here he is. And please let me know if you use his Be It Action Items. 

All right, Be It babe, I got a special guest.

I mean, they're all special. But this one is actually a very special person to a wonderful friend of mine who's been on the show, and he loved her episode very much. So Keri Ford, it was like you, if you if you like me, you'll probably like this person. And maybe we'll be able to spill some shine some light of love for all of us here. So

We have Jacob Kauffman in the house. And you are a newly published author, sir, can you tell everyone who you are and what you're rockin' at?

Jake Kauffman 2:42  

I can absolutely do that. Thanks again for having me. It's a pleasure to be here. So my name is Jacob Kauffman. Like you already mentioned. I'm a men's transformation coach, spiritual mentor, business mentor, and author. And I just recently released my first book, it's called Let love In: the Pain Stops When the Truth Starts. And the focus of my work, especially with men is just that is coming into relationship with their deepest truth, their highest, most authentic self, to bring more of their unique essence forward in the world and their mission.

Lesley Logan 3:16  

Yeah, I mean, that's a big feat. That's not a small task. So I guess like, where we should start is like, kind of what made you want to start doing this? Like, I mean, is this something you grew up wanting to do? Is it something that kind of found you like, how did you get to doing this? What made you write this book?

Jake Kauffman 3:39  

Oh, man, that's, that's really good question. The short story is, you know, I very much believe in what Dickens said that our calling is our curse. It's the thing that we can't not do. And so for me, in many respects, that was this book. I never, I always knew that I was going to write a book that I wanted to write a book. I think everybody has a book in them personally speaking. It's just a question of whether or not we actually get around to writing it. But, you know, for me, I didn't seek out this story. This story absolutely found me because, just a backstory, where the book kind of starts is me sharing my story of sexual abuse on social media online. And having this full-body panic attack that resulted in what is clinically referred to as an acute nervous system breakdown. So my nervous system just collapsed. Under the weight of all of the connections, that sharing created, the input was just too much. And it overrided my system. And it created a slew of health problems. I mean, immediately, I started to vomit uncontrollably, cry uncontrollably, nausea, vertigo, all the things. 

Lesley Logan 5:02  

And this is like, hold on. So what did you, when you went to the doctor, is this what they diagnosed you with? Or is this something you had to like figure out? I feel like that could also be like, they'd be like, did you eat something, Jacob? (inaudible)

Jake Kauffman 5:17  

Yeah, no, absolutely. I didn't actually go to a clinical doctor, I went to a psychotherapist. Because I knew on some intrinsic level that what I was experiencing was mental, emotional. And so I went to that type of clinician and sought that counsel, and they started going through with me, okay. You were abused? How did that impact you? How did that affect you? Not just at the time of the incident, but after the incident as well, as you can probably imagine, so my abuse as is with most of you, it's very multifaceted, right? There's what happened before leading up to it, there's what happened, there's what was going on around you when it happened. And then there's what happened after the fact. You know, did you ever experience any proper mirroring around this incredibly painful experience? And for me, and for a lot of people, the answer was no. And so because of that, as you can probably imagine, one of my primary coping mechanisms was to pretend as if I was fine, as if I was okay and had it all together, when in fact, inside I was shattered. Because of what happened, I was humiliated, I felt so much shame and embarrassment, and all these other things, bitterness, resentment, and I just continued to carry those things around with me. Unfortunately, after that incident, depth of connection, love, intimacy fundamentally felt unsafe. And so when I got around to sharing my story on social media, the amount of connection that I experienced the amount of intimacy, because now everyone on the internet knows my deepest, darkest, most shameful secret. It just was too much too soon, too fast, and was arguably traumatic in and of itself. And it forced me as you can imagine, to do significantly deeper work on myself, because here I am thinking, Oh, I've really worked through this experience. I'm a coach, and I'm coaching a lot of people. And, you know, I've done a ton of work on myself, I've gone through therapy around, you know, this particular incident. And I feel comfortable sharing that with the world to do so, for other people's benefits, so that they can, you know, feel permission to step into their healing journey, learn whatever lessons they can, from my experience, and what I did to work through it, etc, etc. And here I am confronted by the need for significantly deeper healing, it was very humbling. Yeah. And so that's what, that's what prompted the book, because my therapist was like, You should really journal about what's coming up for you, I think that would be very beneficial. And I was like, good idea.

Lesley Logan 8:05  

So that's what you did. Yeah.

Jake Kauffman 8:07  

That's what I did. And it became a book. 

Lesley Logan 8:08  

Yeah. I, first of all, like, thank you for sharing that. Because I think a lot of people probably have shared things thinking they are ready to. And then like, there's, you know, social media is such an interesting thing, right? Because I think we can, like learn so much. And I do think it's a great place to share something like I recently had something dramatic happened, and I was so angry about it that I was like, Where can I take this? I'm gonna take it Instagram, and I'm gonna, I'm gonna share it. And he said no, at all levels, I'm measuring my thing to what you said. But I remember then having all the comments coming through. And I was like, Whoa, I actually don't know that I was ready to like, they were all supportive. Everything was really great. But it was almost like, I actually not processed with this thing yet. And now, (Jake Kauffman: Right, right.) And I'm reading all this stuff. And while helpful, it's overwhelming. And so I guess like, because I don't think that the whole stuff we're not saying here is like, don't share, but like, what are some things that maybe you'd wish you'd gone through prior to to just feel a bit more prepared for that? Or what are some takeaways that we could have? Or do? Is that something you have? Or is that like, on a personal level, everyone's got to do their own thing? And then like, know, the signs that you may be you're overloaded and you need a therapist?

Jake Kauffman 9:27  

Yeah, well, what I experienced is in clinically speaking is called flooding. It's just too much too soon, too fast. And that is in and of itself traumatic. And so it's very difficult to tell because the majority of what holds us back is unconscious. (Lesley: Right.) The primary goal of the ego is to maintain the status quo and what's the best way for it to do that it's to hide the truth from you. So how does that manifest itself, it typically manifests itself as people downplaying what has happened to them, and how it actually impacted them. We now know that trauma is significantly more about what happened inside of you as a result of what happened to you, as opposed to what actually happened. So it's how you internalized it the stories and the beliefs that you made up about yourself as a result. But I think my biggest lesson is that healing happens in layers, as much as I thought I was speaking from the place of perspective. And in many ways I was, over the years, I've gone back, and I've read that post several times, as you can probably imagine, it's been almost five years now. And I still look at that. And I'm like, you can tell, by the way I talked about it that I've done some work on on myself. And I've, I've reconciled it to a degree. But clearly, there was more work left to be done there. And it really just revealed a need for deeper healing. And I think life inherently is three steps forward, two steps back, just like entrepreneurship, which you know full well. And so I don't think there's any one answer with regard to people's overall experience, especially when it comes to their healing journey, because it's inherently messy.

Lesley Logan 11:29  

Yeah. Which is like for every single person listening to this, they're either a recovery in recoveries perfectionist, or they are one. And so like, messy is not something that feels right.

Jake Kauffman 11:43  

Right. Yeah. Well, perfectionism is just a coping strategy. It's just a survival strategy. Just like, what I was doing acting, acting as if I was fine acting as if I was successful, even acting as if I was vulnerable, when in reality, it was a way in which I control the level of connection and relationship. All of these different things are just masks, right, different aspects of our personality that are actually born out of pain, or in an attempt to prevent pain, and so, until we work through these things until we fully reconcile the past, what are we going to do, we're going to inevitably end up recycling it in the present moment and projecting it onto other people. So if you're struggling with perfectionism, there's because you're also talking to a recovering perfectionist. Yeah. Because

Lesley Logan 12:42  

Well, right. Yeah. Welcome to the meeting. Did you know it was today?  

Jake Kauffman 12:45  

Right. Totally. Yeah. Because I mean, I don't know about you, but like, I grew up in an emotionally unsafe environment. And so perfectionism, and procrastination kind of became a way by which I coped because no child is safe to feel that they are unsafe. So they need to develop very advanced coping mechanisms in order to avoid feeling that way. And so if you're still dealing with that, and this isn't a judgment on anyone, it's more so just an observation. But if that's still a significant struggle in your life, that's likely a sign that you haven't reconciled some things from the past. Because in my experience, the more you do this work, the less you struggle with those things over time. And obviously, the path is never linear, it is very much, you know, up and down. And, you know, falling down is kind of an inherent part of learning how to walk. Same thing is true for healing, you know, or addiction relapsing is kind of a part of it. You know, any sponsor would tell you that if you've ever been through any type of 12-STEP program, and I think that's true for healing as well, that regressing is just a natural part of it. But if it's really consistent, still, for you, awareness is only going to take you so far. It's one thing to uncover something it's a totally other thing to undo it.

Lesley Logan 14:09  

Yeah, I know. It's a, it's, it's almost like you have to like hit, you know, you have to hit Publish before it's like, knowing that it's full of mistakes, and just like not like you just have to do the thing, you have to take those actions and it's a little hard. I am I also think that like, you know, with with all those things, it's like, recognizing when it's happening, and then also trying to shorten the timeframe of which that thing is happening. So like, how long are you going to live in in the thing, the forcing something to be perfect? Is it can you get over it faster? And like, also, it's so hard to not judge ourselves along the healing journey. Did you find like, and maybe this is in your book, and you explain this a lot with the people you work with, but like, do you find that like, there was a hard part of like letting yourself be in that process? Because if you'd thought you'd healed and then you went to this one thing, I'm sure that there was some judgment towards yourself or some wondering like, where did I miss this?

Jake Kauffman 15:06  

Oh, totally, like making up stories about like, Is there something wrong with me? Or, you know, am I actually as far along as I think I am, you know, all of these different things that come up for us whenever we experience something painful or uncomfortable. Or, you know, a tragedy or fail? Yeah, you know, it's only natural that those things come up. I think. I think those things are there to teach us something, though. Because it's not those stories that are the issue, it's typically how we react or respond to those things. Because those stories create an emotional response and that emotional response leads to actions and decisions. So it's not the stories that are the issue, it's acting from the space of those stories. That's the issue. The problem is we get like stuck there. Right? We self identify with those stories. We make it personal. And then we get stuck in the space of whatever emotions come on the back end of it self-judgment, which oftentimes leads to sadness or frustration, right. And then we just kind of get lost in the sauce, right? We don't take inspired action, we have a we have difficulty tapping into creativity, for example, inspiration. And so because of that, we have a really hard time progressing, because there's this inherent amount of internal resistance that's holding us back because of the emotions that are attached to the stories that, you know, we're kind of consistently feeding, rather than, than then seeking to simply understand better.

Lesley Logan 17:02  

Yeah, I remember about a year ago, I got into a situation on a phone call with family member and I was so angry, and I immediately email my therapist. I was like, I need an emergency meeting this week. Here's what happened. Do you have any time this week and she got on the call with me. And she's like, it's actually okay, you got angry. And I was like, Oh, that is okay, but I got angry. That thing they said, made me angry. I'm allowed to be angry. She said, what's not okay is that you judge yourself for being angry. And I was like, ah, oh, thank you. That's where the work. I still work there. Thank you for that.

Jake Kauffman 17:36  

Yeah, you're like five minutes. I'm good. I'm relieved for an hour. You can get off now.

Lesley Logan 17:40  

Thanks. Go to your next client. Thanks for the reminder. But it's just so funny because we can we can get stuck in the like the for me it was like the perfection I shouldn't have somehow been able I should not have reacted is like the thought that I told myself like, I should be so healed with that, that I won't even react when they say something. It's infuriating. No, you're allowed to be infuriated. Say something if your (inaudible).

Jake Kauffman 18:04  

Totally. Yeah, I mean, but the problem is nobody ever taught us how to be angry. 

Lesley Logan 18:10  

Yeah. So I guess like, let's talk about when you decided to write this book. And you are I'm in transformation coach, like, what? What does that actually even mean? Let's, yeah, if someone's listening, like what does that mean? What do you do? And because we have a lot of listeners who are mostly women, but they obviously have men in their lives, and I'm sure they're they're doing their work, and they're wishing their partners or their friends or family members had done their own. So what is that? 

Yeah. Well, it's a complete undoing, as you can probably imagine. You know, in the first half of life, we fight the devil, in the second half of life, we fight God.

Jake Kauffman 18:56  

So let me use a client as an example that I spoke with today. Very driven, very assertive, he's a doctor, very ambitious. But in and through our work together, it became very clear that the unconscious motivation beneath his drive was to prove to himself and to other people that he was not his dad. So his stance his primary stance is to be against, is to be in opposition to something and that's what I mean by that when I say fight the devil. Right, whatever that thing is, right? You're trying to prove to yourself or prove to someone else that you are not this or you are not that. It's called the false self that we all develop when we're kids who we think we need to be in order to be loved, accepted and successful. Which is in response to pain or in order to prevent pain from happening. That has to come undone. In order for us to truly live out our unique purpose it has to, because it's not who we truly are, it's who we think we need to be again, right. And so it puts us at odds within ourselves, because we're not acting from our authentic nature. We're simply playing a role we're playing a part, we have something to prove, we have something to protect. For me, I had something to protect, I never wanted to be abused again, I never wanted to be taken advantage of or humiliated in that way ever again. For my client, he had something to prove that he was not his dad. And so of course, what ends up happening, if that's your stance, it just continues to follow you around. And people create an incredible amount of success from this space. But they don't know peace. They don't know, ease because what's driving in many ways, their behavior. It's ultimately avoidance. And so that becomes the fuel by which people, a lot of people, especially men rely upon in an attempt to succeed. But it's kind of like, gasoline. Gasoline is a great fuel. It burns hot. It's very explosive, but it goes out fast. And so you have more men who are depressed more than ever before? Yeah. More men who report and this is actually true for both men and women. I'm simply saying this from the perspective of being a men's coach, you have more men struggling with anxiety, and on anti-anxiety medication than ever before? Because that's what happens when you live in a society that is bent on performance. And what does that what does that end up doing? It tease you up for a life of performance, which creates a pressure cooker. So what do you do? You suppress the less-than-desirable qualities or characteristics about yourself and you posture and you position, you bolster the more than ideal qualities and characteristics about yourself that but that puts us at odds within ourselves.

Lesley Logan 22:43  

Yeah, yeah, I just interviewed somebody on like, like, off like true, like masculine and feminine energy and how we all have both. And then, if you have, if you're a couple, there's four energies in there, there's, it's different, how many, how much you lean into one versus the other. And it's fascinating because like, you can see, because our society is like, just so much on performance, which Be It would consider a masculine energy. But there's so much of it, that no one's actually being taught to cherish any of the emotions that they have, or how to handle them or to do them. And so because no one's actually learning that from a childhood perspective, you don't find this out. If you write if you had all cry, if you had all failure feelings, like that's considered less than so no one is doing this. And we find out that like, Hmm, not many people are happy. A lot of men today don't really actually know who they are what they want to do. There's a lot because it you said it, it's like, it's because we're not because we're so much in it, but we're not we don't actually understand how to use it as a tool. For ourselves. We're just using it as a, as a prevention from like, feeling the things we don't want to feel or for for people to not see through and not see the pain or not see the weaknesses there. It's very fascinating to me, so. I went into your book, you just published it recently. So it's out and available. What was that process like? Because obviously, if it is what you're journaling, like, now you're sharing those things again.

Jake Kauffman 24:12  

Totally. Yeah, it was.

Lesley Logan 24:14  

What was that process like? And how did you like, do it because we've, you know, writing a book is not no small feat that's really emotional, especially when it's part of your story. It's not like a business book. I feel it'd be really easy, but (inaudible) book is gonna be harder.

Jake Kauffman 24:29  

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, the common joke in the industry is that I can't wait for this book to make a ton of money so that I can go spend it all on therapy. But yeah, it's The War of Art. You know, that Steven Pressfield wrote a book about which is the fact that in the process of creating art, we're forced to confront the unhealed, unintegrated, unreconciled parts of ourselves in order to create authentic art, because it's really about coming back into a relationship with who we are authentically. And that's what is at the forefront of my work with men so that they can go from this identity that is focused on getting paid and getting laid to, like, their divine purpose, their higher purpose, their mission in life that is always bigger than the individual, and is always meant to outlast the individual. And that's, like the process of what my book was writing it was like, there was a lot of procrastination involved. And so you know, in the spirit of, in the spirit of, you know, see it to believe it, yeah, I had to print off this picture, I'd got the cover designed, and well before the book was finished, and printed it off and put it next to my desk to, like, motivate me. And along with statistics of how many men are abused every year, less than 1% of men actually ever report their abuse, by the way. So these statistics really reminded me that this book is not about me. It's not meant, for me, it's meant for other people. Right? It's about the message. And it's about what it can do for other people. To support them in their healing journey. That's what this book is for.

Lesley Logan 26:28  

Yeah. Yeah, I thank you for sharing that story, how you got to because I feel like so many people are waiting until this like, perfect moment of when it's gonna feel easy. And they're gonna feel ready to do the thing, and it's like, I feel like ready to lie. And I can't imagine like, if you had waited till you're ready, this book probably still wouldn't be done. I feel like ready comes after the book is done. You're like, Okay, now I'm ready. I've already ended the hard part.

Jake Kauffman 26:57  

Well, I mean, the big thing in that in what you just said is most people confuse readiness for a state of being. Readiness is not a state of being. Readiness is a decision.

Lesley Logan 27:09  

Oh, I like that. We're going to rewind that, everyone, listen to that one more time.

Jake Kauffman 27:13  

Yeah, 100%. I'll say it again. Readiness is not a state of being. Readiness is a decision. And to decide literally means to cut off or cut away all other options. When I decided that I was going to write this book, I hired a book writing coach, I designed the cover well, before the book was finished, I printed it off, put it in a frame, it's up in my bedroom. Right? This was years ago. Like I mentioned well before the book was published. So I had massive skin in the game. Right, I invested thousands of dollars, I had someone holding me accountable, holding my feet to the fire. And even after that, I hired a book writing agency to support me with the rewrites and the editing process, and ultimately, the publication process. And so I had massive amounts of skin in the game, but also accountability, really supporting me in moving forward. Because if I was left to my own devices, there's no way I would have ever done it myself. I'm not saying that that's true for everybody, but it's true for a lot of people.

Lesley Logan 28:20  

I couldn't agree more like um, if you think about like, if you ever if you subscribe to Gretchen Reubens like, The Four Tendencies, like I am an upholder, I don't actually need a lot of accountability. I'm going to do the thing if I decided to do it. When I wrote my book, I, I almost didn't publish it. The person who helped like ghost write it and just like not go through this one word. She helped me outline it and like make sure it made cohesive sense. And all that stuff. I wrote it. But yeah, our contract is done. I had the whole thing. And like, I just got busy. And she was like two months afterwards. She was like, Hey, I haven't seen any movement on this. Like, what are you doing today? Oh, yeah. And she said, Look, I just really hope that you actually like it's a really good book, you should actually put it out there. And if she had not nudged me, I don't know that I would have put it out when I put it out. I probably would have eventually put it out, I probably would have waited till I was ready. Like I even as someone who can, like do pretty much anything without the accountability or something like that, that we're like, there's so much put into it. And there's a lot on the line. You kind of need some some skin in the game and you need an accountability. You just need someone to remind you that you're doing a great job and get it out there. It's gonna help people because we can tell ourselves a crazy amazing story about how it doesn't need to be out there yet.

Jake Kauffman 29:32  

Yep, you're a hunter, you're 100% spot on. And so in terms of you know, in the spirit of the podcast, you know, everything manifests first in, where, in our imagination. I always knew that I was going to write a book that positively impacted the lives of people. Now, I'm not taking any responsibility for that necessarily because you in many ways, like, I do feel like your higher purpose is kind of given to you or imparted to you, if you will, by you know, God, life, fate, the universe, whatever you want to call it. Going back to, you know, your your calling is your curse, it's the thing that you can't not do. And I think that's why most people die with regret is because they don't actually bring that or make that manifest. And so you really have to know yourself and know the conditions that are necessary for you in order to, to make that manifest. You know, for me, it was raising the bar on myself and growing into the person that I needed to be in order to reach it. And I think in many respects, that's true for a lot of us. I don't think everyone needs like, incredibly strict accountability necessarily, in some respects, that can actually do more harm than good. It can be counterproductive, you know, what's healthy and beneficial for one person can be detrimental to somebody else. But, you know, if we speak in general terms, I think that's what we kind of really need to do for ourselves in the process of engaging in the War of Art and making manifest our purpose is we're going to have we're going to have a point of no return experiences, and a point of no return experience is, you know, at the least not to get all, I think, not to get at all technical, is actually defined as a financial commitment toward the goal. Because there's your skin in the game. Right? Most people are really good at talking, you know, but more in action taking. And that's by design, because what we say is connected to our conscious mind, but what we actually do is connected to our unconscious. And that's, that's where I support a lot of my clients with is aligning their unconscious beliefs to match their conscious desires, because if they don't, there's going to be a lack of congruence there. And it's going to be a round peg for the whole situation. So when it comes to manifesting the life, the abundance, the relationship that you want, those two things have to be in alignment, you know, otherwise, you're just you're swimming upstream. And it's gonna be very, very difficult to bring into fruition bring into creation that which you deeply desire, whether it's a book or something else. 

Lesley Logan 32:34  

Yeah. So I feel like once the book is out there, and like it's doing its thing. There's, like, are you are you currently working on like something else? Are you excited about the next step of something else? Or where are you enjoying the process of the book being out there and, uh, helping and getting through as many people as possible? Like, where are you at right now?

Jake Kauffman 32:57  

Sure, sure. Well, as somebody who identifies self identifies as an author, I do believe on some level that every author is always kind of writing their next book. Even if it's even if it's only in their head, yeah, I am doing that. Yes. I am not currently acting on it. I'm actually intentionally consciously restraining myself from doing that, because I really want to give this book its due diligence. 

Lesley Logan 33:33  

I think thank you for sharing that. Because I think it's so easy. I know many people listening as a recovering overachievers, Hello, that's me, too. That's a meeting that's in the next hour. Yeah, it's like you go and you like, you hit the thing, you publish the book, or you, you do the race or you, whatever it is, and then you're like, on to the next goal. Like we don't actually like sit in the moment of like, the celebration of what you just did. It's a really big deal. And also like, you know, really give it its due diligence, to course to get it out there and in many people's because what's what people don't realize is you publish a book, it's not like the Field of Dreams is the biggest lie ever sold to every American on this planet. Anyone thought like, if you build it, they don't come you have to talk about it. 17 times and 18 more times and 17 more times, and then maybe on the 37th time they go, Oh, you wrote a book?

Jake Kauffman 34:26  

Oh, right. Yeah, totally. Yeah, well, I think you point out something really powerful, which is that in and of itself can actually be its own act of self-sabotage. You know, moving on to the next thing, because you have this high, this significant, pivotal moment, whether it's writing a book or whether it's, you know, accomplishing something significant in your career, and you move on to the next thing because he - Donek Adaptation kicks in, which is that our, we return to our baseline level of happiness which is determined by four primary things, 50% of it is genetics actually. The other 50% is based on attitude, outlook, and environment.

Lesley Logan 35:24  

That makes so much sense I get that.

Jake Kauffman 35:26  

Right. So we return to our baseline level of happiness. After the high, we have the come down. Right? Simply put, and oftentimes, people are really uncomfortable with what they find there. Because their life in many respects is the same. Right. Their circumstances might have adjusted slightly, whether it's like more money in the bank or more recognition. But how they feel internally is the same. So it's, it's just the same package, different bow, same song, different dance scenario, and people are forced to confront the reality of who they are and who they become in that moment. And so by moving on to the next thing, what do they get to do? (Lesley Logan: They get about the high end.) They get to avoid being in that space? Yeah. Right, because now they're chasing after the next thing, right? And that's where so many people find themselves nowadays is chasing after rainbows. So yeah, to answer your question, my goal is to absolutely give this book, you know, it's due prudence, it's time in the limelight, I think I said due diligence earlier, there wasn't the right phrase, but get it into the hands of as many people as possible. So that it can take on a life of its own, essentially, because this is going to outlive me. So this is like, this is not connected in many ways to me anymore, although like I wrote it, and my name is on it. But it is taking on a life of its own, I have people buying it in countries all over the world that I've never met, that I've never even spoken to. And whose lives that it's impacting. And I'm very humbled by that. And that's kind of the point, right, is that it takes on a life of its own and the people who read it, get what they need from it.

Lesley Logan 37:29  

Yeah, well, you said like, there's a there's part of our happiness is genetic. And then there's a three parts of it that like, it seems like if you are aware of them, and you actually sit with the thing that you just created, you can turn those dials in a way that the next time you have an amazing when we don't go back to baseline we go, we can keep growing, and creating the happiness that we want, without avoidance and just working towards the next thing all the time.

Jake Kauffman 37:58  

You're well, and I think I think happiness is kind of a shallow goal, to be honest with you. In the same way, you know, like, we've been sold this idea that, you know, if you build it, they will come which is like from a marketing perspective, nowadays, we know that like, that doesn't really work, you know, unless you've got like just a ton of cash that enable you to like float the business indefinitely. Well, enough word spreads and word of mouth takes over. You know, I think in many respects, happiness is kind of a shallow goal, I think we should strive for improvement. You know. And I think that's what ultimately creates this, this fulfillment, that we are working towards ever progressing towards a goal. And that's what I love, like the whole premise of this podcast, is because that's what it's all about, you're working towards something you're in pursuit of something that you have yet to accomplish. And it's really all about doing the internal work that you need to be able to bring that thing into reality. Because that's what that's what people struggle with the most. It's never like, the logistics. It's never like the circumstances of like, how do I write a book? Like, you can look up a YouTube video on how to do anything nowadays. You know, yeah, we literally write anything. You know, like, renovate a van. Here you go. 

Lesley Logan 39:37  

Yeah, it's working guys. It's very helpful. Yeah, I think I really liked that you said that towards improvement. And I think like, I mean, it is why we have that we why, I mean, I've been being it till I see it, I just like kind of I didn't even know I was doing until I was like, what am I doing? How am I doing these things? Oh, I'm just doing that as a very interesting thing. I think like and there's a there's a difference between going, going going. And like, as you said, doing the internal work, so that you're improving. It reminds me of one of our guests from the end of the year. And he said every day he asked himself if like, he's 1% better, did he do the work that makes them 1% closer to the person he wants to be? And like, (Jake Kauffman: It's the Kaizen way.) Yeah, just like, and it's like, you know, 1% that's not a lot. So you're not you're not pushing yourself through a seaman while you're, you're actually like, you're doing some internal work to take some action. That's just enough to actually get the improvement but not so much that you're not sitting still and being with yourself at the same time. Jacob, you're so cool. I think this book is really awesome and needed. We're gonna take a brief break and then people can find out where they can follow you, get your book and also your Be It Action Items. 

Okay, Jacob, where can people get the book? Where can people work with you? Where can any of our male listeners or people who are listening to this to their male friends work with you?

Jake Kauffman 41:00  

So, the best place to connect with me is on my Instagram, which is I am JKauffman. So that's K-A-U-F-F-M-A-N. You can find the book on Amazon, Let Love In, my full name, Jacob Kauffman, J-A-C-O-B K-A-U-F-F-M-A-N. Otherwise, you can also check out my website. You can sign up for my newsletter, which is awakewithjake.com, awakewithJake. And

Lesley Logan 41:28  

I like it. I like Midtown.

Jake Kauffman 41:30  

Yeah, I think I'm gonna I think that might be the name of my podcast, but we'll see. Don't don't know. No, ETA on that yet. But stay tuned. And but yeah, if you're interested in connecting, hear more about my work that I do with my private clients in my mentorship, or the men's groups that I run, the retreats that I hold, by all means, feel free to reach out on Instagram happy to share about that. And what was the last thing? 

Lesley Logan 42:02  

Well, the last thing now, the last thing is bold, executable, intrinsic target steps people can take to Be It Till They See It. What do you have for us?

Jake Kauffman 42:09  

So good. So I will oftentimes, I mean, in a lot of the work that I do with men, there oftentimes is almost a need to disconnect from their goals because they actually, they wake up to the reality that goals are, in many ways, historically speaking, an unconscious attempt in order to claim victory over a lack of self-worth. It's a way in which they avoid their pain so they become hypervigilant doers. That said.

Lesley Logan 42:46  

I think it's quite bold to say, to disconnect from those goals.

Jake Kauffman 42:51  

Yeah, I'm gonna, I'm gonna give people two things, okay. Because there's nothing inherently wrong with having goals in many respects, we need to have them to create more purposeful living, here's what I would do, is if you have a goal, write that goal down on a piece of paper, and then double it. Because in my experience, we seriously underestimate our ability to generate results. So you know, if it's a monetary goal, double it easy. If it's 100,000, make it 200,000. If it's to write a book in the next year, cut it in half. And say, I'm going to write a book in the next I'm going to write a book in the next six months, some something like that, where you're doubling it, or you're shortening the timeframe, in an effort to push yourself or challenge yourself. And then you're going to write down these these following things. You're going to write down. Why do I want the goal? What will this enable me to do? And then how am I going to do it? That's your action plan. And then finally, you simply create a contract with yourself and you write down I and your name, am officially unavailable for any other outcome. And then you sign it and you date it. And then by when will you accomplish it.

Lesley Logan 44:34  

I love this. I'm saving this. I have a few things am working on on my tour for goals I have for myself that I was going to figure out while we're on on the road and I'm going to half the time or I'm going to double the thing Yeah, love it. I and then I'll write the contract.

Jake Kauffman 44:49  

There you go. So recap. The goal, by when you'll accomplish it, why do I want it, what am I hoping that this will do for me or allow me to do, how am I going to do it, and then I, your name, am officially unavailable for any other outcome, sign it and date it.

Lesley Logan 45:09  

Hmm. Oh, Jacob, thank you so much for being here sharing your story. And I'll just like really helping us rethink maybe some of the ways we think about some of the things we're doing in our life. I'm excited for your book. I'm so happy it's out there. I think it's very necessary. And I do believe it to be life-changing for many and also for these action items. I love them so much. I already know some of our listeners who are going to be using them. So y'all, how are you going to use these to make sure you tag Jake on Instagram, the Be It pod, let us know, share it with a friend who needs it. That is how people often get healed. I had a friend recently post something and she was going through and I was like, actually one of the words but I have a podcast and be really good for her. So I just sent it to her and she was so grateful. And so you know that you have no idea how you can help people with doing things like that. And until next time, Be It Till You See It. 

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network.

Brad Crowell 45:57  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 45:57  

It is produced, edited by the epic team at Disenyo.

Brad Crowell 45:57  

Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music, and our branding by designer and artist Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan 45:57  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals and Ximena Velazquez for our transcriptions.

Brad Crowell 45:57  

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all the content to our website. And finally to Meridith Crowell for keeping us all on point and on time.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Join Lesley as she delves into kindness, balance, and self-discovery drawn from varied life experiences and her transformative Cambodian retreat. Encounter relatable narratives about surmounting unfriendly interactions and achieving work-life equilibrium. This episode is your inspiration to cultivate empathy and maintain firm, fair agreements.

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected] .

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.

In this episode you will learn about:

• Lesley’s experiences from a transformative retreat in Cambodia.
• Learn about overcoming seemingly unfriendly interactions and embracing kindness.
• The importance of work-life balance, relaxation, and enjoying personal time.
• How to maintain empathy and adhere to agreements. 

Episode References/Links:

• eLevate Mentorship
• Mention, Liza Osoteo
• Mention, Selena Lowe

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox.

Join us at our Cambodia Retreat - Oct. 8-13, 2023

Get your free Athletic Greens 1 year supply of Vitamin D3+K2 and 5 free travel packs

Get your discount for some Toe Sox using the code: LESLEY

Be It Till You See It Podcast Survey

Be in the know with all the workshops at OPC

Be a part of Lesley’s Pilates Mentorship

FREE Ditching Busy Webinar

Resources

• Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube!
• Lesley Logan website
• Be It Till You See It Podcast
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTube
• Profitable Pilates

Social Media

• Instagram
• Facebook
• LinkedIn

Episode Transcript:

Lesley Logan [00:00:00]:

It's Fuck Yeah Friday.

Brad Crowell [00:00:01]:

Fuck yeah.

Lesley Logan [00:00:02]:

Get ready for some wins. Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast, where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity, and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guests will bring bold, executable, intrinsic, and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and be it till you see it. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.

Lesley Logan [00:00:48]:

Hello. Fuck, yeah, it's Friday. Oh, my goodness. Hello. How are you? So today is the last day of my retreat in Cambodia, so if you're listening to this, I've just hugged off all of my retreaters, and I'm just yeah, I love this place so freaking much. I can't wait to tell you more about it when I'm back. So if you're new to the Be It Till You See It podcast.

Lesley Logan [00:01:13]:

Hello. We are all about being it until you see it, not faking it till you make it, or waiting until you're ready. And one of the things that we do to get to where we want to be in being until we see it is celebrate our wins as we go along. It can be really hard to do that. So on Fridays, it's like a great day to just go, fuck yeah, it's Friday. And what are all the wins I'm going to celebrate to pump you up to end the week on a high note. So I share some wins of yours, and then I share a one of mine. And I got a little mantra for you.

Lesley Logan [00:01:39]:

So here we go. All right, first up, we have Lisa Osoteo. She is from eLevate round three. So this might not sound like a win at first blush, yet it is. I've had an ongoing experience with a student who's cold and not friendly. My first interaction with her, I chalked it up to, well, that's her personality. My second time, I was my exuberant self, and during class, we were all doing elbow slip, and she was doing great.

Lesley Logan [00:02:00]:

So I challenged her, what would it be like to not shift your weight? And she glared at me and declaratively and defiantly said, no, sorry, I cannot. I was struck by how sharp her delivery and simultaneously amused by her honesty and said, I like your honesty. Fake it till you make it. At the end of class, as she was leaving, I said, Bye, Dee. Not her name, just using initials. No answer. So I figured she didn't hear me. So I loudly said, bye, Dee.

Lesley Logan [00:02:30]:

Good work today. Crickets. As she walked off, no acknowledgement whatsoever. That bothered me for a long while after class, and I figured, oay well, she's giving me the I don't like you vibe. This week I overheard some friendly, warm, excited chatter between two people, and I turned around and was surprised to see that it was Dee talking to someone else. Dee actually is not cold and unfriendly. She's warm and friendly and funny and quite engaging, just not towards me. So what's the win? Well, instead of sweeping this under the rug and shrugging it off, I let myself feel the feels and hurt.

Lesley Logan [00:03:03]:

There's no rhyme or reason why people treat us the way they do. That's their prerogative. I realize I suffer from the delusion that everyone likes me because I'm fucking awesome. And at the same time, it's quite humbling when you're reminded you're not everyone's cup of tea. It reminded me of a time when I made it abundantly clear to someone I wasn't into their vibes and they gave off bad juju. It was mean and unnecessary in retrospect. I'm now of the opinion that it's more important to be kind because goodwill costs nothing and goes a long way.

Lesley Logan [00:03:29]:

This is what I'm celebrating. I allowed myself to feel the hurt of rejection and in the process notice that I have the capacity to allow people to be themselves with no requirement of them to like me. Because in the end, it's more important that I love myself and unapologetically embrace that I'm fucking awesome. Lisa, I mean, can we just all learn so much from you right now. That is the most beautiful thing. All right, one more win from you all. This is from Selena Lowe. She is an Agency. And so she wrote, embraced my half day today, finishing at 12:00 p.m.

Lesley Logan [00:04:02]:

It's a novelty. I spent time with my husband and time to relax. Happy that I got in my two apparatus sessions and yoga sessions in the week already. Maybe time for more at the weekend. So I love this because it's so awesome. It's like I only had half of my workday filled, and so I embraced that and I spent time with my husband and I relaxed. Oh, my gosh. What a novel idea.

Lesley Logan [00:04:26]:

And because she'd already did the workouts she wanted to do for the week, she had nothing else to do. And maybe she'll do more, but it doesn't matter. I love it. I think that's so fun. Thank you, Selena, for sharing. Okay, so I want to share a win that happened recently that I've been thinking a lot about, and now I feel good sharing it. I recently had someone try to renegotiate an agreement that we had, and at first I was like, what the fuck? We already agreed to this. And then I was like, okay, I can see it from their perspective.

Lesley Logan [00:04:56]:

And then there's this old people players are in me that was like, don't you just want to do it for this one time? Just this one time? Don't you want to just do this? And I was like, having this kind of battle with myself because no, I didn't want to do this this one time we already agreed, and I wanted to be the thing that we agreed about, right? And then I was like, you know, it is okay for me to empathize with the person. It is okay for me to feel for that person. It's okay for me to think about all the options, and it's also okay for me to say, no, this is what we agreed about. But thank you. And I understand. And I reminded myself, like, sometimes we have to be the lesson that other people have to learn.

Lesley Logan [00:05:40]:

And it's no fun to be that lesson, like, ever. I'm like now thinking of all the times that I was a lesson for someone, and it's just like coming back as a bad movie. But you can't take that lesson away from them. They have to learn it, right? And so it also helped me go, okay, here are some ways I can tighten up my processes so I don't have to have this conversation again, because I obviously don't like having this conversation, but I really want to celebrate. Like, it's okay to acknowledge those parts of you that are like, oh, hey, don't you want to? And go, I mean, thank you for bringing that up, but I also don't have to. And it is okay if I don't have to, and it's going to work out. And this person maybe won't like me later, but they will absolutely have learned from this, and I have learned from this, and that's a win. And so I think if we can just celebrate some of those tougher lessons that we have to learn in our life as wins, we'll realize how fucking strong we are.

Lesley Logan [00:06:42]:

So anyways, that's my win. Okay, now, mantra for you. You can journal about this. You can repeat it out loud. You can share it with a friend who might need to hear it. I am responsible for myself, and I start there. I am responsible for myself, and I start there. So what's your win? I want to know it.

Lesley Logan [00:07:02]:

All you have to do is tag Be It pod in a win, give me in a post, give me in a story, whatever. I want to celebrate you. I want to help you make this an amazing habit. You know, if you don't feel like doing social media, then tell a friend of your win, tell your friend. It's FYF. Lisa from last week. On Fridays, her class all celebrates a win at class. They do FYF together in person. I think that's so fun.

Lesley Logan [00:07:21]:

So until next time, be it till you see it. That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcasts. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others.

Lesley Logan [00:07:46]:

Be it till you see it. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of the Bloom Podcast Network.

Brad Crowell [00:07:55]:

It's written, filmed and recorded by your hosts, Lesley Logan and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan [00:08:00]:

It is produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.

Brad Crowell [00:08:04]:

Our theme music is by Ali At Apex Production Music and our branding by designer and artist Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan [00:08:11]:

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals and Ximena Velasquez for our transcriptions.

Brad Crowell [00:08:16]:

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all the content to our website, and finally to Meredith Crowell for keeping us all on point and on time.

Explore why engaging in difficult conversations is a pivotal element for sustaining successful business partnerships. Lesley Logan and Brad Crowell share valuable insights and personal experiences, highlighting the importance of clear communication, commitment, and dealing with partnership red flags in today’s recap episode. 

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected] .

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.

In this episode you will learn about:

• The importance of scheduling lunch breaks to ensure work-life balance
• How to leverage your strengths to propel your business forward.  
• Why clear communication is key to a thriving business partnership.
• Learn how to redefine your brand by presenting your authentic self online. 
• Why it's crucial to check back in with your actual goals regularly.

Episode References/Links:

• OPC Tour Email List
• Get on the waitlist for eLevate Round Four

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox.

Join us at our Cambodia Retreat - Oct. 8-13, 2023

Get your free Athletic Greens 1 year supply of Vitamin D3+K2 and 5 free travel packs

Get your discount for some Toe Sox using the code: LESLEY

Be It Till You See It Podcast Survey

Be in the know with all the workshops at OPC

Be a part of Lesley’s Pilates Mentorship

FREE Ditching Busy Webinar

Resources

• Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube!
• Lesley Logan website
• Be It Till You See It Podcast
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTube
• Profitable Pilates

Social Media

• Instagram
• Facebook
• LinkedIn

Episode Transcript:

Lesley Logan [00:00:00]:

It's all communication. This is why I keep saying it's a partnership and your business is like a marriage. You have to do the exact same thing before you marry someone. These are the exact same things you have to do. But I think so many people are afraid of looking dumb or like they know what they're doing, or they get caught up in the excitement of what the business could be. And it's like, you got to sit down and just go, okay, down and dirty. Like, how deep am I going to get into this? How deep are we both getting into this before, like, we go, this isn't working.

Lesley Logan [00:00:30]:

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast, where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world, and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guests will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and be It till you see it. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.

Lesley Logan [00:01:12]:

Welcome back to the Be It Till You See It interview recap, where my co-host in life, Brad, and I are going to dig into the captivating convo I had with Kristen Crowley and Jill Bunny in our last episode. If you haven't yet listened to that interview, feel free to go back now and listen, or listen to this one and then listen to that one. You can go in any order you want. (Brad Crowell: You can.) You really can. It is your own adventure and we want to support that, but they're pretty bunch badass bitches, so you should listen to it. Today is October twelveth at the time that you're listening to this. We are in the midst of our retreat this year, so we are in Cambodia. We should be out at the temples today, like, living our best life up, (Brad: Loving it.) which is so exciting.

Lesley Logan [00:01:51]:

And that also means today is World Arthritis and World Sight Day, both important things you should know about. So, first of all, arthritis is real, so go get yourself checked out and do the things you can do to avoid the heck out of them, like getting stronger. And the World Sight Day, I didn't actually look up what that means, but make sure it's seeing well. Like, do I need to go to the eye doctor today? Is that what it's telling me to do?

Brad Crowell [00:02:17]:

World Sight Day.

Lesley Logan [00:02:18]:

You want to know something funny?

Brad Crowell [00:02:22]:

Observed every year. What's funny?

Lesley Logan [00:02:23]:

Well, I got lasix when I was 30 and everyone said, that's so dumb because at 40, you're going to need to have reading glasses. And I want to let you know right now, you guys, I'm 40 and I do not need reading glasses. So, go Lasix.

Brad Crowell [00:02:37]:

That's true. It is a day first initiated by Lions Club International Foundation during their site first campaign in an effort to spread awareness about preventable blindness and help people who are visually impaired.

Lesley Logan [00:02:49]:

Oh, well, then go to schedule your doctor's appointment to prevent blindness. I think that's genius. I didn't know that. That's great. Wonderful. Gaia, we think is probably blind. She did she did bark at a bolster. It's okay.

Brad Crowell [00:03:06]:

She just sat up. She can hear just fine.

Lesley Logan [00:03:09]:

She can hear just fine. It's believing. Here we go. So, yes, we are in Cambodia next year. We will be back here in Cambodia in October. So you'll want to be on the waitlist to make sure you get to sign up and get the Early Bird special. So you'll want to go to Lesleylogan.co/retreat to enjoy what's coming up in January. So in January, we'll open up the doors, but you want to be on the waitlist to hear about those doors.

Lesley Logan [00:03:34]:

Then I come back. I go to Chicago with Erika Quest to do a weekend of workshops at Club Pilates and St. Charles. St. George. St. Charles Street, I think.

Lesley Logan [00:03:47]:

Anyways, we're going to be in Chicago at a Club Pilates teaching some workshops. If you want to see if there's any spots left, DM me, because there's not a lot of spots ever. So you'll want to DM me to get that information. In December, Erika Quest and I will be back at a Club Pilates in Frisco, Texas. And then I come back, and then we pack up the van, and Brad takes me on a tour that he keeps threatening is not going to ever end. And I keep threatening to say, but I have a girl's date, so you got to get me back here in time for my New Year's Eve.

Brad Crowell [00:04:16]:

But we'll be back in Frisco, Texas.

Lesley Logan [00:04:18]:

We'll be back in Frisco, Texas, right after we've done this before. Frisco. You always bring it. And so (Brad: So fun.) We can't wait to celebrate the end of the year with you, as well as the beginning of the end of the year with you. So if you want to hear about the tour, make sure you get on our email list. Just in general

Brad Crowell [00:04:34]:

Go to opc.me/tour.

Lesley Logan [00:04:37]:

Yeah and you'll hear all about the tour. (Brad: Oh, yeah) because it's epic, and there's, like, really cool things that are happening you wouldn't want to miss out on, because you'll miss out on those epic things. And then in January, I do kick off eLevate round four. And if there's any spots left, you are going to want to apply, because 2025 will be the next time that I run it, and that's a long ways away in my world. So go to lesleylogan.co/elevate. That'll get you on the waitlist. But if you actually want to get in on 2024, DM me and I will chat with you. We'll see if this is the right thing for you.

Lesley Logan [00:05:11]:

We are so, so excited. Some people, like I said last episode, call it a game changer. And those people would be eLevate members, multiple of them. They told me it's game changing. And I'm like, yeah, eLevate. Game changing. Love the tagline.

Brad Crowell [00:05:24]:

Love it.

Lesley Logan [00:05:25]:

Before we talk about Jill Bunny and Kristen Crowley. I just want Jill Bunny's name. I'm just going to be really honest. I want it. (Brad: It's a name.) I want to know. I have so many questions about that.

Brad Crowell [00:05:36]:

If it was like she nicknamed herself.

Lesley Logan [00:05:38]:

But I don't think I don't. I don't think so. Especially after my brother sat there and read every baseball player name off to us. And I was like, really? Someone named their kid that oil win something.

Brad Crowell [00:05:52]:

Anyways, what if she had a brother named Jack?

Lesley Logan [00:05:56]:

Jack Bunny and Jill bunny.

Brad Crowell [00:05:58]:

Yeah.

Lesley Logan [00:05:59]:

Well, like, just Jack and Jill.

Brad Crowell [00:06:01]:

Well, Jack Rabbit bunny.

Lesley Logan [00:06:04]:

Oh, I see. I was thinking of Jack and Jill. I wasn't thinking of Jack Rabbit.

Brad Crowell [00:06:07]:

I like the Jack and Jill, too.

Lesley Logan [00:06:08]:

Because also it makes me think of those houses where they have a bathroom in between, two bedrooms for siblings to share, but the sink is always too low.

Brad Crowell [00:06:17]:

I'm sure she's heard that before.

Lesley Logan [00:06:19]:

I'm sure she heard all of this. I'm sure she's like, can we get to talking about me? Yes, we will, in just a second, Jill Bunny, because you're a badass. But first, we have an audience question.

Brad Crowell [00:06:27]:

Yeah, we do. The question was, do you actually schedule your lunch break?

Lesley Logan [00:06:33]:

Fuck yes, we do.

Brad Crowell [00:06:34]:

Yeah.

Lesley Logan [00:06:34]:

Did we always?

Brad Crowell [00:06:36]:

No, we didn't always.

Lesley Logan [00:06:37]:

Well, I did. When I was teaching, I always had a break in the middle of the day.

Brad Crowell [00:06:42]:

I did not.

Lesley Logan [00:06:43]:

You've never ever.

Brad Crowell [00:06:44]:

I've never been good at this except for, well, the last couple of years.

Lesley Logan [00:06:46]:

Sometimes at 02:00. Brad's like, I haven't eaten yet today. And I'm like, are you an adult? Are you hungry? We need to have a reminder.

Brad Crowell [00:06:57]:

I don't usually eat breakfast.

Lesley Logan [00:07:00]:

I know you really don't. But at any rate, I have always had a lunch. Now I have scheduled lunch because we work at home together, and if it's not scheduled, then one of us will interrupt the other person's work break. So we just take at the same time.

Brad Crowell [00:07:13]:

Yeah. And that's nice, actually. It's a lot of fun.

Lesley Logan [00:07:15]:

Yeah. Sometimes you make me lunch.

Brad Crowell [00:07:17]:

It happens. Definitely. But the reason that we do that is because if I didn't put it in my calendar, it wouldn't happen. I would just never take a lunch.

Lesley Logan [00:07:27]:

That's everything, you guys. If you don't put it in your calendar, it doesn't get done, period.

Brad Crowell [00:07:31]:

Yeah. So that's legit. Definitely scheduling your lunch break. It's worth it. You'll enjoy it.

Lesley Logan [00:07:37]:

And look, even if you don't, you're like, guys, I'm not that hungry. I can eat when I'm on the road. Our doctor, Dr. Bender, shout out to her. She, with both of us, is like, you have to sit down and just eat your lunch. Like not be on your phone, don't listen to a podcast, which we still do, but just not reading something for work, but just sit and eat your lunch and let it digest. And so we have a whole hour blocked off for lunch, every workday, and we can do whatever we want in that hour.

Lesley Logan [00:08:10]:

We can play around for half an hour and then eat lunch. We can eat lunch and then walk around the block or whatever.

Brad Crowell [00:08:16]:

Or you can make a really extravagant lunch that takes 45 minutes to make.

Lesley Logan [00:08:20]:

He does that a lot. He does that a lot. Or you can go and go, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to drive across town to get that coffee that would go great after this lunch right now, even though I can make that latte.

Brad Crowell [00:08:33]:

She does that a lot.

Lesley Logan [00:08:34]:

I do. But there's something luxurious about it. And here's the thing. There are times to hustle and to another shout out to Kareen until it comes a hassle. And you have got to take time for yourself and not just in the morning and not just at night, but different parts throughout the day. And lunch is very important. The only day we don't have lunch together is on Tuesdays because I have a fly session after my lunch, technically, so I have lunch after that. But you've made it for me before and we just put in the fridge and I'll eat it later.

Lesley Logan [00:09:05]:

So, yes, schedule your lunch break. You matter.

Brad Crowell [00:09:09]:

Okay, now let's talk about our guests,Kristen Crowley and Jill Bunny. As co-entrepreneurs I was just going to say copreneurs. As co-entrepreneurs, Jill and Kristen present a harmonious balance of analytical and creative approaches to business. Both promote building genuine online brands using their backgrounds to help women grow their brands. The name reFRAME became symbolic of their adaptability and resilience in the business landscape and they laughed and said the name just stuck. And that is like officially the name of their business. And what they actually focus on are events and retreats.

Lesley Logan [00:09:49]:

Yeah, I really loved a lot of what they said, it was actually a really fun conversation. They're really one of the few partnerships and I'm like, okay, they can work together as we've just seen too many partnerships not work out. They really understand each other and their strengths and everything. So I love this. Jill mentioned confidence comes over time and that just because you have a business doesn't actually mean you are a business owner. That kind of also comes with time. And I think that's really interesting because first of all, I think there's a lot of people going, oh my God, I don't want to be a business owner, but like fell into this business and also you don't know what you don't know. So you're kind of flying by the seat of your pant, moment to moment, trying to figure things out.

Lesley Logan [00:10:33]:

And then over time, you get confidence, like, oh, I've seen this problem before. And it's really like those after that first year or so, you really go, okay, I got this down, okay? It's not going to blow up on me. And I've got some ideas. So I think that that was really cool. So she said what we have to do is put the reps in and the time in and be proud of what you're good at. And I just thought, what a great thing to highlight, just be proud of what you're good at. Too often people are like, oh, I don't want to brag about what I'm good at because some people are going to think I'm overconfident or weird or whatever. And it's like, actually no, you should be really proud of what you're good at because we're not good at everything.

Lesley Logan [00:11:10]:

And so the things we're good at are like going to propel the business forward and the things we're not good at, we're going to hire out.

Brad Crowell [00:11:15]:

Yeah, I think that it was interesting just to hear them talk about how they connected with each other and how it became like obviously kindred spirits. And we often tell people not to partner up with people, but I know part of the conversation, you talked about it being like a marriage, which we've talked about here before on this pod, but they totally agreed and they both came from businesses before and partnerships before in different ways and it just seemed to make sense. It seemed to click for them. So I thought that was really interesting.

Lesley Logan [00:11:56]:

Yeah, well, I mean, just to jump into your side of things, they said you need to make sure that your partner has the same moral compass. And I think that is the same as your partner in life, but really that makes a big difference. And I think a lot of people partner up in business and they both want the thing to grow and they don't want to do all the work alone, which is why they do it, but they don't actually have the same moral compass. In fact, in Agency Mini, this one person was like, hey, should I partner up with this studio owner? And I'm like, you mean the studio owner who's illegally got you classified as not an employee and is, in your words, squandering? No, you should not. You should not because that's not the same role compass.

Brad Crowell [00:12:40]:

Right. Yeah, totally. I'm glad they talked about partnerships, like how that works because they said that the thing that was really important was sitting down and being crystal clear with each other about things. Like number one thing was money. Are we both putting our personal money into this? Are we raising money from somewhere else? Like, how are we doing this? What are our expectations and how is this going to work? And they both agreed on the way that it would work and effectively being transparent about their personal finances just in case something didn't go the way they expected, could they continue to keep it going? And they effectively made a financial commitment to each other, and then they agreed on they understood, okay, cool. This is where we're at. They said, specifically because at the end of the day, everyone has to be on the same page.

Lesley Logan [00:13:34]:

Well, here's what I love. It's all communication, and this is the same thing.

Brad Crowell [00:13:37]:

It really is.

Lesley Logan [00:13:38]:

This is why I keep saying it's a partnership and your business is like a marriage. You have to do the exact same thing before you marry someone. These are the exact same things you have to do. But I think so many people are afraid of looking dumb or like they know what they're doing, or they get caught up in the excitement of what the business could be. And it's like, you got to sit down and just go, okay, down and dirty. Like, how deep am I going to get into this? How deep are we both getting into this before we go? This isn't working. You have to have the exit strategy as well, because you do have to think, what if this doesn't go well? Who gets what? What happens here? And I learned that from oh, my gosh, a podcast I listened to ten years ago.

Lesley Logan [00:14:19]:

These two girls became friends on Facebook or whatever. They both did similar things. They partnered up and had an amazing podcast. It was one of the top podcasts at the time for women in business. And they decided to eventually actually make a membership together, which would be the first thing, except for the podcast, where they actually made money together. And they brought on their lawyer, and they said, we sat down with a lawyer and we said, what do we need to talk about before we do this? And she said, we should talk about what happens if one of you doesn't want to do this anymore. We have to talk about how this ends, what are the different ways it could end, and then what happens? And that was such an interesting thing to hear, because no one wants to talk about, like, well, how does it end? But you have to think about it so that if you do need to walk away, how much does each person get? How much do you have to pay to get out of it? Or how much should you get paid to get out of it? So I really enjoyed listening to the fact that they talked about the money. They were very clear on things, and they got very vulnerable about what the states of their personal lives were, because guess what? Your personal life comes into your business all the fucking time.

Brad Crowell [00:15:30]:

Yeah, totally.

Lesley Logan [00:15:31]:

All the time.

Brad Crowell [00:15:32]:

Totally.

Lesley Logan [00:15:32]:

If anything's going on with one of our family members and they call us the middle of a workday, you better believe it fucks the day up. So I just thought it was really nice, honest conversation.

Brad Crowell [00:15:42]:

Yeah. And they talked briefly about some red flags, and that was basically hiding things and not being communicative or not being as committed to the vision. And they said, definitely partnerships shouldn't be formed out of desperation. A good partner should push for growth and also keep one on track.

Lesley Logan [00:16:08]:

Can we just highlight, partnerships should not be put together out of desperation. So if you are having someone partner with you because you're desperate and you need help in your business, that is not the best time to get a partner. You need to take a pause and really understand what you're doing because you'll partner up with someone who you think is a lifeline, and then it just really changes the roles and you don't think through things clearly.

Brad Crowell [00:16:34]:

Yeah. I do think that if you are going to bring on a team member or a partner, it should be someone with complementary skills, skills that are not your own, so that you're not both trying to do the same things. But yeah, like making a partnership out of desperation is dangerous. (Lesley Logan: Yeah.) All right, so finally, let's talk about those Be It Action Items. What bold, executable, intrinsic or targeted action items can we take away from your convo with Kristen Crowley and Jill Bunny? They said when it came to understanding and presenting your authentic self online rather than imitating others. So this is actually really similar to what we were just talking about with a PR person in the last episode, because what their retreats are all about is rebranding your brand. So if you're stuck, you're not feeling like you know what you're doing with your brand, then they offer these events where you can dig in over a couple of days, or some of them are just day retreats and really analyze your social media presence and the way your brand looks and all these kinds of things. And so when they're talking about presenting yourself authentically we're reiterating this here, people, because they said building a brand is about knowing who you are and who you're serving, and then you're going to structure everything around it, around your story, and then the problems that you're solving for the people that you're serving.

Lesley Logan [00:18:08]:

I love this is back to back with Whitney Lee.

Brad Crowell [00:18:09]:

It's kind of crazy.

Lesley Logan [00:18:10]:

You did a good job there. So I actually really enjoyed the action items that Jill talked about because she's like, I'm Jill 2.0 and she is, like, checking in throughout the day if what she's doing is aligned with her, with the 2.0. So all these things that she wants are the actions that she's taking, align with that, not just writing them down and going off onto the day, but really checking back in. So it's not just about journaling, so you feel good about yourself, but actually going, okay, where am I at in alignment with what this is? Am I actually doing those steps that get through there. And it made me think of Alan Stein Jr. Jeez. His interview from the beginning of this year just keeps on giving, and his whole thing is he ends every single day. Like, am I 1% closer to the man I want to be? And it's like, how can you find time in your day to check back in with your actual goals and just really understand, like, okay, today I did these things, and they had nothing to do with 2.0, in fact, I like, went backwards, and just being honest with that.

Brad Crowell [00:19:12]:

Episode 167.

Lesley Logan [00:19:13]:

167. I was not going to get that because I don't remember what the year started. But that's my fault. Maybe I should study.

Brad Crowell [00:19:20]:

It's all good. You're fine.

Lesley Logan [00:19:21]:

I know, but I want to be like that guy who's uncrooked, who he can go Oscar winner director, 1973. And he's like, DA DA DA DA. And I'm like, no, maybe I don't have that skill. But be it till we see it. Right. So, anyways, I think it's really important to check back in, whether it's a vision board or a journal or a goal, just making sure each day it's like, look at that and go, yes, I'm still on track. Or go, oh, wow, I got a little derailed today. Little derailed.

Lesley Logan [00:19:52]:

And what can you do to just get back on that I just thought was a really fun way of reflecting on where we're trying to be so we can be it till we see it.

Brad Crowell [00:20:01]:

I love it.

Lesley Logan [00:20:02]:

Me too. I'm Lesley Logan.

Brad Crowell [00:20:03]:

And I'm Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan [00:20:04]:

Thank you so much for listening to this amazing podcast. We couldn't do it without you. So what are you going to do with these tips? How are you going to use them? What was your favorite part? We want to know. Tag, jill Bunny and Kristen Crowley and the Be It pod. And let us know and share this with a friend who needs to hear that they can reframe, that they can start over. They can do awesome things. Maybe that friend is you. And until next time, Be It Till You See It.

Brad Crowell [00:20:25]:

Bye for now.

Lesley Logan [00:20:26]:

That's all I've got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It.

Lesley Logan [00:20:50]:

Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of the Bloom Podcast Network.

Brad Crowell [00:20:57]:

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your hosts, Lesley Logan and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan [00:21:02]:

It is produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.

Brad Crowell [00:21:04]:

Our theme music is by Ali At Apex Production Music and our branding by designer and artist Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan [00:21:13]:

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating visuals and Ximena Velazquez for our transcriptions.

Brad Crowell [00:21:18]:

Also to Angelina Hiraco for adding all the content to our website. And finally to Meredith Crowell for keeping us all on point and on time.

Discover the stories of Kirsten and Jill, creators of reFRAME your brand, and learn how diverse experiences can be a business's greatest strength. This episode dives into the value of trust, professionalism, and seizing opportunities in forming solid business foundations. Tune in for invaluable insights on strategic partnerships and authentic brand building!

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected] .

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.

In this episode you will learn about:

• How diverse experiences enrich collaboration.
• Ways to seize opportunities and avoid assumptions in forming partnerships.
• The vital role of trust, value, and professionalism in grounding solid business foundations.
• The importance of clear financial discussions and a shared vision for sustainable growth in business partnerships.

Episode References/Links:

• reFRAME Your Brand Instagram - @reframeyourbrand
• reFRAME Your Brand Website
• reFRAME Your Brand LinkedIn
• reFRAME Your Brand Facebook
• Kristen Crowley on Instagram
• Jill Bunny on Instagram

Guest Bio:

Jill and Kirsten, founders of reFRAME, are experts in Brand Image Development, Fitness, CBT, and Media. They specialize in assisting women in crafting and elevating their online brand presence through concierge coaching support and exclusive brand image content photoshoot retreats, offering a comprehensive approach tailored to each client's unique needs.

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox.

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Episode Transcript:

Kristen Crowley [00:00:00]:

I mean, literally, it happened that quickly that we had an opportunity to host an event for someone else, and it was a retreat, and they went under, they went bankrupt. It was a whole fiasco. And thank God we didn't get involved further with them, because it was just a horrendous situation, and we were like, we can do this better. We can fill in gaps for women. We know what we're doing in all of these areas. Why don't we just combine forces? And I think we actually started the company three months after we met.

Lesley Logan [00:00:30]:

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast, where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world, and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self doubt. My friends, action brings clarity, and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guests will bring bold, executable, intrinsic, and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and be it till you see it. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.

Lesley Logan [00:01:12]:

All right, Be It, babe. Get ready. I got two amazing women on today's episode for you today, and honestly, I hope that I get to be best friends with them forever and ever. I just really love women in business. I love when women come together and they can see the beauty in each other and they see abundance, and then they put their brains together to make magic happen for other people. And that's what I hope you get from this episode, is one, inspiration on you have some unique strengths, and really, probably confidence is where you need to be growing in. And how do you do that? Also truly being bold and reaching out to someone that you see something in that you love about them. Oftentimes we put people on a pedestal, we admire them from afar, and we actually never truly reach out.

Lesley Logan [00:02:01]:

And actually, when you do, you a business partner you can up with, a best friend you can end up with. We'll let you know what Jill calls Kristen, and you could end up with that. And so it's a really fun interview. These two women just really are incredible at supporting other women in business and their mission on this planet to really help them be able to get into their businesses more and live the life that they want. So enjoy this amazing interview with Jill Bunny and Kristen Crowley. All right, be it, babe. I'm so excited to finally be chatting with our guests today. The world is a really small, small, connected place, and these two women have been people I've been following for some time.

Lesley Logan [00:02:40]:

They've been following me, and then someone's like, hey, they should be on your podcast. And we're all like, we already follow each other. How did we not do this already? So I'm so excited to have Jill Bunny and Kristen Crowley here from Reframe to talk about all the things you can do to shine and show your uniqueness off. So ladies, can you tell everyone who you are and what you do?

Kristen Crowley [00:02:58]:

I'll let Jill go first.

Jill Bunny [00:03:00]:

So just like you said, my name is Jill Bunny and obviously if this was Visual, everyone would see my little assistant that's on my lap. Rusty.

Lesley Logan [00:03:08]:

Oh, the YouTubers are. (Jill: absolutely so for)

Jill Bunny [00:03:11]:

All the YouTubers podcasters, I'm sorry but Rusty will say hi. (Lesley: Oh my God), he is my little assistant.

Kristen Crowley [00:03:17]:

I love it.

Jill Bunny [00:03:17]:

I am a dog mom (Lesley:Yes) by all accounts. So I live in Canada and I am a business consultant with Kristen for reFRAME Your Brand. And I also run a clinical practice as a psychotherapist and an author and an ex-retired athlete. Literally, I do all the things with Kristen and we have a lot of fun just to keep it a little short and sweet.

Lesley Logan [00:03:40]:

I love it. I've got three dogs somewhere around here, so I feel you. And also I think that's really cool. I'm sure as the psychology part of you, it really comes into play when it comes into business stuff.

Jill Bunny [00:03:53]:

It is a little secret weapon that can be very helpful.

Lesley Logan [00:03:57]:

Kristen, what about you?

Kristen Crowley [00:03:59]:

I'm Kristen Crowley. I live in Virginia, Virginia beach area. Here on the east coast. Grew up in Michigan, horse farm girl. Went into visual merchandising, went into television, spent twelve years as a TV news anchor. Finally got out of that because it was absolutely draining. Took every ounce of my well being away from me. I was connected by the universe with Jill as I was moving into media and PR for women in Fitness and reFRAME was born and we're kind know utilizing our backgrounds to help women in different industries grow their brand the way that we would have wanted, been helped a long time ago.

Kristen Crowley [00:04:36]:

And now we're just living our best lives. We have a lot of margaritas, we do a lot of photo shoots and we have a lot of fun.

Lesley Logan [00:04:43]:

I'm in on all of those things. Yes, all of them. The margaritas, the photo shoots, the laughter. I'm in. So you know, Kristen, when I lived in L.A. and I was in retail, I actually had the pleasure of working with several of the local news anchors as far as their jewelry goes and holy freaking moly, the hours are terrible, the pay is shit. And they expect you to show up bright eyed, bushy tail at I don't know, 03:30 a.m. (Kristen: Yeah.) And then you have to somehow get people's points across in less than 7 seconds, in under two minutes.

Lesley Logan [00:05:17]:

So I feel like do you think that all of that kind of primed and ready do to help other people see the point of their business? In a small snippet, ask Jill how.

Kristen Crowley [00:05:28]:

I am when it comes to time and planning I'm a drill sergeant. I think that there are some things that people should probably experience in life, obviously working in retail, working in the restaurant business, and then trying to do live television. And since I've done all three of those things, it really primes you for dealing with any situation whatsoever. Which I think as women in business in general, we have to roll with literally everything thrown at us. And most of the time we're not allowed to look like we're failing. So those things helped me a lot. And yeah, I had horrible hours. I was up at 03:00 a.m., I had to be at work by 330 in the morning.

Kristen Crowley [00:06:08]:

I was at work till 01:00 p.m. I had two small children pregnant on air both times, didn't sleep for twelve years. And I was on the same morning show for all twelve years. So I never changed schedule. I think that's funny that a lot of people that you dealt with it because you saw probably the behind the camera side of it, which a lot of people don't get to see. And it is literally the worst pay on the planet. I don't know how people think it's so glamorous because it's so (Lesley: yeah, yeah.)

Lesley Logan [00:06:35]:

I will have a little side story and then I want to hear how you two do all that. I've been on KTLA during the pandemic, channel five. I had moved and I was like, do you need to know that I don't live in L.A. anymore? Because it was all virtual at the time. But then I was on the local news here and the person who booked it had told me it was going to be like, they're filming it to edit for tomorrow's show. So I was like, okay, no problem. Easy going, it'll be good to go. And then we're there, I'm all mic'd up and they're like, okay, we're live in three. And I was like, three we're live.

Lesley Logan [00:07:10]:

And so it was all live. It was four minutes. It's amazing. Like, I got my four minutes, I was awesome. But when it was over, I was like, holy fuck. I would have liked to have known it was live before.

Kristen Crowley [00:07:22]:

That is very true for all media because they just throw shit at you without telling you a lot of times. That's why when we were probably the best way for some people, it is to throw them. I threw Jill on air for her first time ever when we first met. And we'll go through how we met, but it was hysterical because I was like, you really have no choice. Then, you know, we try and make people laugh and that's why we created like when we started helping people with PR and media stuff, I was like, these are the very specific questions you need to ask before you show up somewhere. Because if you don't know you're going to do whatever they tell you, you're at the mercy of them at that point and we don't that so and I told Jill, I think Jill our best advice when things start going wrong on air, you just start taking your clothes off.

Jill Bunny [00:08:05]:

Absolutely. Yeah. Naked news. Everyone's seen that.

Lesley Logan [00:08:10]:

I mean, it is live. So, okay, you two don't live in the same place. Like somehow your world had to collide and then you guys both were like, yeah, we should work together. Which I think that's a whole journey itself. So can you tell us a little bit how you met and what were the things that made you go, yeah, we should partner up on these things.

Jill Bunny [00:08:29]:

I"ll start. So back in the day I used to do some modeling, may have seen me on a few covers, had blonde hair back then and my recent cover with Strong after going through a cancer scare and going through cancer treatment with my thyroid. So I got on the cover explaining that. Kristen subscribed to that magazine and read my story and was going through something similar and reached out on good old instagram. She legit slid into my DMs.

Lesley Logan [00:08:57]:

I love it.

Jill Bunny [00:08:57]:

It happened. It happens. Legit relationships can happen sometimes through DMs. Not always, but it really worked out in our favor. So we chatted. Then nothing came about. And then at the same time serendipity we have to be in Arizona at the same time for two separate things. And when we realized that we said, you know what, let's go to Starbucks, let's grab a coffee and chat.

Jill Bunny [00:09:20]:

And we just knew meeting there and sitting together, that there was just some spark and that's why from that moment we literally call ourselves our non sexual life partners. Like, she's my girl. She's my girl. And she was running a welfare social so she runs events. And I said, I'm going. I'm going to be there. I'm going to fly to Virginia. I'm going to stay with you and it's going to happen.

Jill Bunny [00:09:42]:

And most people that know me, when I say something, I will do it. And so I went down to see Kristen, and lo and behold, there became an opportunity from that where reFRAME actually began.

Kristen Crowley [00:09:55]:

(Lesley: That's so cool.) We were literally in hotels across the street from each other in Arizona, and I mean, from two totally different sides, two different countries, and we were in literally on the same side of the street. Like we were right there. So we met in the Starbucks was actually in the middle and when yeah, Jill, now you left out the best part was like when we were talking impressions are everything online. So you do see these people's perfect brands and these perfect all these scenarios and Jill was she was a cover model. She had won all these titles. She was like in my sense of just kind of getting into fitness. I was like, wow, she's done it all. This is amazing.

Kristen Crowley [00:10:32]:

She's probably a complete stuck up bitch and is going to be so proper and so like I can't eat anything. I'm going to just have my coffee and a piece of broccoli. I had this whole thing in my head. (Jill: Judger.) Yeah, totally judging her. Totally. And I was honest about it when we met. But when she sat down and we were having this conversation about the events I was creating because after twelve years news again, like she said, my health failed, I had to get out of it. So I was doing those events to kind of do some community stuff here locally.

Kristen Crowley [00:11:01]:

And she's like, I'm coming to your house. And I was like, okay, you want to speak? And she's like, no, I'm going to stay. This is the first time we've literally met. Like we've had two DM sentences to each other. That's really it.

Jill Bunny [00:11:15]:

She's like, fuck, I'm staying with you.

Kristen Crowley [00:11:17]:

And I was like, okay. And she's like, okay. And then I mean literally it happened that quickly that we had an opportunity to host an event for someone else and it was a retreat and they went under, they went bankrupt. It was a whole fiasco. And thank God we didn't get involved further with them because it was just a horrendous situation and we were like, we can do this better. We can fill in gaps for women. We know what we're doing in all of these areas. Why don't we just combine forces? And I think we actually started the company three months after we met.

Lesley Logan [00:11:50]:

Cool.

Jill Bunny [00:11:50]:

It was three months after we met.

Kristen Crowley [00:11:52]:

Yeah, I think it was three months and then by that next year we had already had an entire plan. We were going to do all these things and then COVID hit and we had to reframe what we were doing and we had to literally named the company. Not knowing that that was going to become like the antithesis of everything we did for the next two years.

Jill Bunny [00:12:10]:

Yeah, it was the neatest thing. And that's what I say to all viewers, where you never know where a door is going to open. Right. So Kristen and TV and then myself and health and wellness and more clinical practice would I have ever thought we'd be running a business for businesses right? When we're in that we think we can't be business coaches and some business coaches should never be that. And then we sat there and thought wow, like never had I expected this to happen. But we knew our strengths and what we could deliver. And being in TV and then obviously modeling since I was twelve, it became a no brainer. And then we thought, we both know how to run business.

Jill Bunny [00:12:48]:

And what's the missing piece? It's that businesses do not have group photos and connection photos and can speak to their actual clients. And we knew that. Let's set up a retreat and get all like minded women together and create all the content they need for an entire year so they can actually spend time in their business instead of taking stupid photos with photographers that have no idea when it comes to business or branding and just want your clothes off. Yeah, we just knew this is what the missing piece was and we have a blast doing it.

Lesley Logan [00:13:17]:

Yes, I was extremely lucky to have been in a business group where the photographer of the event was also in a business group getting business coaching. And so I happen to have someone who's amazing and has put together things like this. So I'm lucky in that way. But I know it's so hard. Whenever we coach people on doing photos, I'm like, There are photo shoots. I'm like, yeah, you have to have people in these photos. It cannot be a picture of an empty studio. No one wants to go to an empty studio.

Lesley Logan [00:13:40]:

It looks like no one goes there. But it's so hard to get that content. And then you're like, okay, today I need a photo. So I guess I'll do a selfie. Which, by the way, they're back. You can do those again at the time we're recording these occasionally. However, it's so hard.

Lesley Logan [00:13:55]:

So I love that you're like, we're going to put together something that allows people to connect and then also solves a problem that they all have and they can leave here. So I think this is so cool. Obviously, you couldn't do it right away because of the pandemic, or you had to get real creative with where it was and how many people were there. But how did you get people to even trust to come? Because the first event is, I think, the hardest because there's so many moving parts. I mean, obviously with all your skill sets of events and business, you know how to run a show, but you have to get the people there. What was that like to get those first ones there?

Jill Bunny [00:14:29]:

Well, I would say luckily, we came from two different backgrounds and we had the people to begin with from our own businesses.

Lesley Logan [00:14:37]:

Got it.

Jill Bunny [00:14:38]:

So that became much easier than starting fresh. And knowing us, we actually had credit to begin with. And that time with COVID actually helped us immensely because we could build more and more credit and we just gave value that entire time, what we gave people to come in. We knew that we just needed to keep people, keep them sane as much as possible. And then when things opened up, we knew that we had them. So that was our long term strategy, where we weren't taking money. We just said, we're going to invest in and everything happens for a reason. So we're just lucky that we had people to begin with.

Jill Bunny [00:15:12]:

I'll be honest on here.

Lesley Logan [00:15:13]:

Yeah, no, but I think actually that honesty is so I hope you all heard this. They already had credibility in their existing businesses before you put together something like this, because a lot of people because we run retreats. We have a lot of people who are like, I'm going to run a retreat and it's going to be here. And I'm like, so you're going to run your first retreat internationally and have you ever ran one, but have you been to one before? Can I just suggest it's like a two hour drive away for that first one. Just make sure people are interested because there's such big investments of time, energy and money. If you don't have that credibility already built up, it can be really tricky and you almost need more people who could say yes than will. I actually appreciate you being honest about that because what people might see is like or hear is like, oh, they met three months later, they had a retreat. Boom.

Lesley Logan [00:16:05]:

It's the accumulation of your entire business existence together combined.

Kristen Crowley [00:16:10]:

Yeah, we've been I mean, again and what you see on social media is such a small piece of most people's puzzles. So you have to look into or ask legitimate questions and do your research about people that you're working with or building with. I've had other companies. I've obviously opened retail stores. I've opened and designed restaurants. There's a lot more that I have done in my professional career. My husband, we own a construction company. There's other things that are happening behind the scenes that I don't show anything about.

Kristen Crowley [00:16:42]:

I have kids. I don't really talk about them much. There's other things that lead to my skill set of being able to do these things properly. And Jill had a background, I mean, sports and travel. And there was so many things that went into this puzzle. And when she says give value, I mean, we had a plan. And I think a lot of people need to realize that when you're starting out, everybody makes it look so easy nowadays that you're going to just make money in that first three to six months to a year. We knew we were not going to make any money for at least a year, if not two, because we had to keep filtering back in building the infrastructure, building the foundation, and getting to a point where we knew what our percentages and our costs would be because we created something in a space.

Kristen Crowley [00:17:26]:

We are the only people who do what we do in the world. Like, there is no one who runs event like us. And so it was new territory. So we took all that time to educate, give value, start creating things. But we also had reputations prior of being extremely hardworking, extremely honest, extremely reliable, and you have to be still a professional and show up as a professional online. You can't just say, oh, I'm going to wing it and do these things and do these sales tactics and then I'm going to make all this money. Then you're going to piss people off and your business is going to last a year and then you're done.

Lesley Logan [00:18:02]:

Or also you think that, okay, I do all these things and I'll make money. And just because those sales tactics worked for somebody doesn't mean they'll work for you, especially if you don't have the people yet. I'm so appreciative of you guys actually just sharing that behind the scenes. We knew we weren't going to make money for at least the first year or two, and also that you highlighted the strengths that you have. So that is something I find does not come naturally for most women that listen to this show. When I talk to most people, I'm like, I'm like, you are the only person who can do what you do the way that you do it. You're it. When I ask them, let's talk about your uniquenesses, they literally that's a shutdown.

Lesley Logan [00:18:43]:

That's a question. Why do you think it is that women have a hard time? Because you're like, I did this and I did this and I did this. Was that something come naturally to you? Did you get coaching around it? How come and maybe Jill can speak to this because she's a psychotherapist. How come so many people have a hard time going, actually, I'm really fucking great at these three things, and I have experience in them. What's the block?

Jill Bunny [00:19:02]:

Yeah. So I would say if you were in a room with very high end business, whether they're women or men, they'll be like, I'm great at this. I have this strength. And they know it, and they own it because that's just them. It's exactly like an athlete that they've done the work. They put it in. They put in the time. You can't just be like, show up like, I never spoke before.

Jill Bunny [00:19:26]:

Now I own a business. Like I'm a business owner. No, you're not. You got an LLC. You got a company. But there comes confidence over time, and you have to practice, practice, practice. But a lot of the time, people coming into a business for the first time, that's not what they've grown up with. Maybe their parents aren't business owners, right? So maybe they have like my parents are teachers.

Jill Bunny [00:19:45]:

They literally bred two entrepreneurs, which is completely opposite of what they're used to. Right? So this becomes like traditional family values. Where do they grow up in? And a lot of the time, for females, it's not known to be like, I'm great at this. I do well at this. Because it looks like we are being cocky. No, it's confidence, but if it's in any other sector, you'd look cocky. But in business, if you talk to other business people, spot on. I would hire you in a second, because that's what I need.

Jill Bunny [00:20:12]:

And that's what women have to do, is put in the reps, put in the time, and be proud of what you're good at, because that's business. It's like an athlete doing a layup in basketball and saying, yeah, I'm shit at doing a layup in basketball. I'm terrible. I shouldn't do this. No athlete would ever say that. You'd be like, what the hell? Team member? I don't want to put you on the course. That's what you're saying. I need confidence.

Jill Bunny [00:20:31]:

We take that same aspect into business, and there's nothing wrong with that.

Kristen Crowley [00:20:35]:

Yeah, I think that environment chat is important because maybe you didn't grow up with it, but you can choose to surround yourself with it in your adult life. So, I mean, I grew up with the opposite of a mom who was an entrepreneur, always owned her own horse farm. She was a real estate agent. She trained horses. So everything was her business my entire life. She's always been self employed, and I didn't really go into entrepreneurship until I'm like, 40, so I had witnessed it and helped everybody else build everything, but she was kind of disappointed in me that I didn't branch out more in those areas. But she was also very cocky and confident in herself. So I didn't have a problem with it once I got into my late 20s.

Kristen Crowley [00:21:19]:

But until then, yeah. I think we all struggle with saying what we're good at because we don't want to stand out or be judged. But if you don't have that in your life prior and you're really desiring it now, you have to find the right people, online coaches, circles, whatever it may be, that are going to force you to level up to that. Because really, you can't blame your past saying, I wasn't hugged enough as a child. Okay, well, you know what? Go out there now. Do the work for yourself and make it better. It is a conscious effort, and I think that's where we see a lot of people that are really going to make it or they're really not. And it's okay to not be an entrepreneur.

Kristen Crowley [00:21:59]:

I think we hear it all the time because it's a buzzword now. You don't have to do that. I didn't do that for my first three careers, and I was perfectly happy, and I learned a ton by watching these amazing people build amazing things, and then I got the experience that way. So there's a ton of ways to do it, but I think create your circle, like, make your circle level you up, or you are going to stay the same.

Jill Bunny [00:22:23]:

And get people that will scare the shit out of you.

Kristen Crowley [00:22:26]:

Yeah.

Lesley Logan [00:22:26]:

Yes.

Jill Bunny [00:22:27]:

Legit. And then that's what you want. You got to get outside of your comfort zone. I'll always say that. And you get people you're like, whoa. And I always say in a business, there's like, top chairs and they're the people that create franchises. They're nuts. That is not me.

Jill Bunny [00:22:41]:

And I will fully admit that that is next level, very hard to come by. But there's a lot of second chairs and third chairs that come in that might have a business where there's not that ton of overhead, or there's linchpins that say, hey, I love what you're doing. I can't be the person that kind of owns that and takes out all the risk, but I'm there 100% to help you. So there's a lot of different ways to look at businesses, and that's where someone should look at their strengths and really see how they fit in. And I always say, take a risk, but have great people on your side and people that are honest that will tell you what you might not want to hear. Because in business, there's no room for cheerleaders. Therapy is different. Like, go to therapy for your personal shit.

Jill Bunny [00:23:20]:

But when it comes to business, that's totally separate. It should be cut off.

Lesley Logan [00:23:24]:

Yeah, and that's the hardest part because it's so easy, especially if what you do. So as Pilates instructor I coach mostly Pilates instructors, but other fitness instructors. And so there's a lot of unfortunately, they feel like their personal stuff blends into their business a lot because they believe they're a representation of what's that they do, which we all know as women age. As hormones go, there's a lot of things you can't change about your body. So I think they put a lot of pressure on themselves to look a certain way to feel like they're doing these things. And I think that that can get really muddled and messed up. And it's actually like, really people actually care how you make them feel. They care about the results you get them, and they care that you're confident that you can get them those things so they can trust you because they're not going to trust someone who doesn't feel confident in what it is that they're offering.

Lesley Logan [00:24:13]:

I think that's really where it is. And it can be hard, especially when you're in an environment where it's a service-based business, so your client says something to you that triggers you in some way, and then all of a sudden you're like, I'm not good at this whole business thing. And it's like, whoa, they just challenged your cancellation policy. Let's just take a moment. You need to go see your therapist about your scarcity and your worry of losing your home. This is like real business. Like, Nordstrom's does not care if people are pissed that they're not open at 10:00 a.m., they don't care. They might consider, but they're like, I'm not going to put that in because it's a business decision.

Lesley Logan [00:24:49]:

So I think that that's the hard part about what is it like, if you want to learn about yourself, like own a business, you'll learn all the things you have to work on.

Jill Bunny [00:25:00]:

Yep.

Kristen Crowley [00:25:01]:

And we talked about that actually yesterday, Jill, when I was saying in your traits, like whatever your best traits are in business are typically the most detrimental traits in your personal life because all of us are hard charging, very high achieving, and I ran myself literally into the ground. I mean, I never had less than two to six jobs at a time from the time I was 15 until I was 40, and that was with kids. I still was bartending on the weekends, plus doing the news full time, plus children, plus training for fitness stuff. It was like, how much more crap could I get into a day to make myself look like I was successful? And I got to that point where and Jill kind of went through that journey with me because it was the end, I think, when we met, that was October, my last day in TV news was the end of August. And letting go of that was probably the hardest thing I had ever done, because in people's impressions, it made me look very successful, intelligent, kind of breaking barriers for women in the industries that we're in, thinking, oh, she's not going to be able to achieve that. She's not smart. She's wearing if she has big boobs, she's not smart enough to do this.

Kristen Crowley [00:26:11]:

Like those kind of misconceptions. And I had to let go of that. And she went through a lot of that with me, which was extremely helpful to have, especially during COVID as well of us being we were together every day online. And women that we even coach and work with, we do see that they have to learn to let go of some of the vanity, or the we say vanity metrics online, vanity metrics in life, too, because you're trying to look good. Like you just said, some of your ladies, they want to look a certain way. That isn't what the goal is. And all of that comes with age and time. We get better as we get older, so it's never too late to start those processes because, I mean, (Jill Bunny: Absolutely.)

Kristen Crowley [00:26:55]:

Again, it's like in your 40s, are you really going to start a bit?

Jill Bunny [00:26:58]:

Yeah.

Kristen Crowley [00:26:59]:

In your 50s, in your 60s, you can start businesses every decade of your life and it's not going to change the outcome. You're actually going to get better at it. That fear. I think we can learn to let go of a little bit, seeing it online more and more as people are being more honest about it, which is a good thing.

Lesley Logan [00:27:17]:

Yeah, I agree. I think the umbrella of vanity is something that can be very distracting or can make you think you're doing a really good job when you're not. When you're like, oh, I'm getting all these likes on these things, but that doesn't equal money.

Jill Bunny [00:27:35]:

Numbers never lie.

Kristen Crowley [00:27:36]:

Numbers never lie.

Lesley Logan [00:27:37]:

That doesn't equal that they actually went and clicked your bio and went to the next thing. So we can get caught up in searching for these metrics, these vanity metrics that make us feel like we have a business when we actually don't yet. I actually want to know the journey of bringing both your strengths together and starting this business. What were the conversations like? And you don't have to tell me everything, but we have a lot of people who listen. Like, I want to partner with this person. I want to partner with this. Obviously there's pros and cons to everything, but what were some of the things you guys made sure to talk about so that you guys could partner up? Because it's like a marriage. You just got married to someone you met on Instagram.

Jill Bunny [00:28:17]:

Non sexual life partners.

Kristen Crowley [00:28:18]:

Non sexual life partner NSLPs.

Lesley Logan [00:28:21]:

That's what we are.

Jill Bunny [00:28:22]:

So I would say the first again, if there's a hesitation in mind, you know, where you know, you're closing the door because we've kind of been there. It's like, oh, I have an irk. We know if it's the right irk or just nervous irk. But I would say the first conversation, it has to be about money. Like straight up business is money. So a conversation has to be made of how is this going to look and where are each of our finances personally so we know what we're doing coming into this business, right? So some people will be like, this is everything. They might have a second business. So it has to look at what are the hours you can put in and then how are we going to be looking at the money? Are we going to be putting our own personal money in? That's really how it has to look if you're bringing more than one person into the equation.

Jill Bunny [00:29:09]:

So it would be sitting down even with a third person involved, asking questions, writing it all down, thinking back again and coming in. Because at the end of the day, everybody has to be on the same page. Otherwise that is what really breaks up a relationship. Like whether it's a marriage, obviously it's finances half the time. It's no different in business. (Kristen Crowley: Yeah.)

Kristen Crowley [00:29:31]:

And we had, I mean, very clear. And it's funny because when people see us together and we've gotten more obviously used to each other over the years, so literally we go on stage and it's like an anchor team. Like, I start one thing, she finishes it. Our brains are pretty much the same when it comes to how we serve people, our moral standings, our moral compass. We're the same person that way. Outside of that, I'm the creative bubble that likes to design and build and do all these things. And Jill is very analytical and she likes to do her research and she likes to read and she's the spelling Nazi, so she'll go through that stuff. So we have very distinct left and right brain traits that balance each other out.

Kristen Crowley [00:30:17]:

So if there's something but if one of us can't be there, both of us are fully capable of doing all the tasks. So we built literally everything together. I mean, we went through we built Kajabi together with our horses. We built, you know, Canva, Jill's learned more editing and design stuff. I've learned more on the planning so we balance each other out. So I think if you're looking for a strategic partner, you have to have the same moral compass, you have to have the same goals, and you have to have the same mindset around money, because money changes people in general, and we are very much the same and we love nice things, of course, we all do. We love nice things. We like nice vacations, but we are not attached to them, so we aren't afraid to fail because we have things in place in our lives. We're both have been through the wringer with our own companies, so we have other things to do.

Kristen Crowley [00:31:13]:

And we made a conscious effort. We just said, we're going to do this, we're going to pour everything into this, this and this for these next few years. We're not going to take money out this first year. We're going to actually keep this going and we just know where we're going with it and what it will turn into. Because you have to have a plan past that first two years. You have to have five years, you have to have ten years. And if you're going to exit, you have to have an exit strategy at that point.

Kristen Crowley [00:31:40]:

It doesn't matter if you're a personal trainer or a coach, you still have a business because you are a brand. Your brand is a business, and you have to treat yourself like a business, and that includes the people you work with. So as Jill said it, you feel them like, not wanting to do things or I mean, that's a big red flag to not even dive in that direction just because you're craving someone to be there to help you. Like, that's the wrong reason to get a partner. You should be able to do it yourself. That person is going to force you to level up and keep you on track.

Lesley Logan [00:32:14]:

I love this because I think business and marriage is very similar. And also it's like you shouldn't be marrying someone to complete the skill sets that you don't have. You can do life alone and you can proudly be single for the rest of your life and it's fine. Who cares what the media might make you think? But going into business with someone shouldn't be because like, oh, my God, I can't make this on my own. It should be like, oh, we together are so badass. What we can create together, we're already creating stuff on our own. We can create this thing together. That's even more impactful.

Lesley Logan [00:32:48]:

I think that's a really cool thing to say. And also, I love that you brought up exit strategy. I think that's the thing that no one thinks about, whether they're working for themselves or they're partnering up, you do have to think about how do you want this to wrap up? Is it wrapping up because you're selling it? Is it wrapping up because you're retiring? What is that going to look like? Because it kind of allows you to make better decisions moving forward. But also, especially with partnerships, it allows everyone to know how someone could leave and if that's possible. Not that that's something you guys want, but you never know. You just don't know how life can happen and you don't want as you said, money changes people. It just can complicate conversations if you don't have communication at the front. So I love that you guys share that.

Lesley Logan [00:33:31]:

You guys really communicated around what those goals were, what people were doing. And it sounds like you keep communicating that and that's where things break down when people don't have the time to do that.

Kristen Crowley [00:33:41]:

Yeah, 100%. We're pretty open about it as far as helping our people when we're working with them on plans for those type of things. I never in a million years thought I would have a business partner. That was not me. Again, I'm very independent. I'm an only child. I've done everything.

Jill Bunny [00:33:59]:

Really.

Kristen Crowley [00:34:00]:

Yeah, I'm very independent and even my family, like, I moved away the day I was 18. I was gone. Full mortgage, car, houses, everything. I didn't want anybody to help me with shit. Like, you're not going to help me. I can do it all myself. And it took me finding the right person. That's pretty much it.

Kristen Crowley [00:34:21]:

You can go through life and never find that person and that's fine. But I was lucky enough that I did find the person who could help me build something that I knew that I could have. Someone who just had my back.

Lesley Logan [00:34:35]:

I love that basically, it's like the universe had to show you that you're really awesome, great job. But also you can be really great with someone else. Here's someone else. Like, wake up. We're going to put this person on a cover of a magazine to make sure that you find them. I feel very similar.

Jill Bunny [00:34:48]:

Strong magazine.

Lesley Logan [00:34:49]:

Yeah.

Kristen Crowley [00:34:50]:

Thanks, Strong.

Lesley Logan [00:34:51]:

We love you. Love them. They're so great. My husband and I got together, we were, like trying out dating and I broke my leg. We'd been dating one week and I broke my leg and he had to move in. And he's like, I'm really good at helping people. I'm like, I am terrible at asking for help. So you're just going to have to help because I'm not going to ask.

Lesley Logan [00:35:15]:

And it was actually so nice when someone are like, oh, look at that. Someone makes dinner. That's cool. It just happens. I don't have to do it myself.

Jill Bunny [00:35:24]:

You should pretend to break your leg tonight so that that's all made for you.

Lesley Logan [00:35:28]:

People are very like when I, this is like a whole side, but he lived in the Valley, I lived on the west side. And people were like, oh, how did you get a guy to move to the west side? I said, well, I broke my leg. They're like, okay, I have to break my leg. I'm like, here's the deal. To be really honest, they could not move. And then you will realize you have a boyfriend who doesn't care about you enough to live in your space for a bit, and now you have a broken leg, and you have a broken leg. So I would just say maybe just ask if they live on the west side.

Kristen Crowley [00:35:57]:

Yeah, you might want to ask. Don't get too extreme. I mean, I just married my husband because he's hot. I mean, that was pretty much dumb.

Jill Bunny [00:36:05]:

Married my husband for the benefits.

Lesley Logan [00:36:06]:

Yeah. Oh, my gosh, ladies, you're amazing. We're going to take a brief break. We're going to find out how people can find you, work with you, go on a reFRAME retreat with you and your Be It action items. Okay, so where obviously Instagram, but where should people follow you, get more information? How do they go on a retreat with you guys?

Kristen Crowley [00:36:28]:

So really it's easy to find reFRAM Your Brand on everything. So reframeyourbrand.com, @reframeyourbrand on Instagram, LinkedIn, and Facebook. We host these retreats throughout the year, so we have destination retreats where you go for several days and get away. We have our one day pop ups, mostly in the Virginia area, and then we actually work with brand businesses and doing corporate retreats for other coaches and companies so we can custom design a brand image retreat for you and your team. And all of that information is right there on our website. So we're pretty easy to find across all platforms.

Kristen Crowley [00:37:04]:

Personally, everything I have is Kristen Crowley TV and Jill is

Jill Bunny [00:37:06]:

Jill Bunny 2.0.

Lesley Logan [00:37:10]:

I love it.

Jill Bunny [00:37:10]:

Or just Jill Bunny. Easy to find.

Kristen Crowley [00:37:11]:

Pretty easy to search, and she pops up.

Lesley Logan [00:37:14]:

Yeah. Okay. Amazing. I'm already like, we have to go look at when these dates are just now. So if I want to hang out with you guys in real life, is really what I want to do.

Jill Bunny [00:37:23]:

You want Margaritas, don't you?

Kristen Crowley [00:37:24]:

You want margaritas.

Lesley Logan [00:37:26]:

Yes. Everyone's like, what would you do if you weren't teaching pilates? I'm like, I would be a tequila sommelier. And they look at me and I'm like, no, I'm dead serious. I'm trying really hard to change the schedule so that I can go down to Guadalajara and study tequila for, like, six months.

Kristen Crowley [00:37:42]:

I'm really trying to figure this out.

Lesley Logan [00:37:44]:

So stay tuned, everyone. Okay. Be It.Action items. Bold, executable. Hello, Lesley. Intrinsic, targeted steps people can take to be it till they see it. What do you have for us?

Kristen Crowley [00:37:55]:

I think it's really I mean, find yourself online first. Stop trying to show up like you think everybody else wants you to show up online. Building a brand is about knowing who you are and who you're serving, and without those base foundations, your entire structure is going to crumble.

Jill Bunny [00:38:12]:

That's exactly what she answered it.

Kristen Crowley [00:38:15]:

Would you say that you say the same thing?

Jill Bunny [00:38:17]:

Yeah, exactly what it is.

Kristen Crowley [00:38:21]:

It's a process. Like, stop trying to rush the process. Because the hardest part for action items is trying to do too many of them. And as women, we try and take on so much. So you got to simplify it. If you're in your own way, find somebody to help you get out of your own damn way.

Jill Bunny [00:38:36]:

We have no quick fix tips for success. That's our tip. Don't stop looking for them. And just like Kris said, we got to find ourselves. The only way to do that is take a step back. Unplug from social media. Stop looking at other people trying to get ideas and just sit with yourselves and ask, what is it that I really want from my life? How does that look for business hours? How does that look for me helping people and how can I best serve somebody? What the heck am I damn good at and people could use. That is the first step because then you're not getting influenced by other people.

Lesley Logan [00:39:09]:

Yeah.

Kristen Crowley [00:39:09]:

And Jill has a really good journal for mindset, so I know she journals every morning. I'm terrible at journaling. So for actual action things people could do, like right now, this week, hers is writing it down.

Lesley Logan [00:39:20]:

Do you have a favorite journal or you just journal?

Jill Bunny [00:39:24]:

I just journal. Yeah. Just a stream of thought.

Lesley Logan [00:39:27]:

Just like what's coming?

Jill Bunny [00:39:28]:

Literally, I just take a 2.0 and I always say it's like where we're currently at is a 1.0. And maybe in business it's not all bad, but where is it your 2.0? Where do you want to be when it comes to income, comes to who you're serving? What are the hours like really being strategic. And we do that in our consulting and that's what I do every single day as I look at the 2.0 business and what is it that I'm going to do today? And that's an intention. And then each and every hour I look and like, am I matching that 2.0 that I wrote? And usually I'm pretty close, and if not, then I got to check myself and say what went on. Likely saw something on social media, got to tracked it and it took me away from what I was doing. But when we journal and really stay focused in the morning, we're better off being able to be successful and not just writing it and then going off on our day, like really checking in and looking at that again and again and again. Because otherwise we're just avoiding what we wrote and then we feel good about ourselves. But we got to be disciplined and focused.

Jill Bunny [00:40:18]:

Business isn't easy and it's the mindset that's really going to get somebody from here to there.

Lesley Logan [00:40:23]:

Yeah, I actually love it. It sounds like your journal is like the be it till you see it for each day for your business, which I like (Jill Bunny: Exactly.) This is really a great direction you got. Ladies, you're fucking awesome. We're going to have to have you back. We're going to figure out and have

Jill Bunny [00:40:36]:

With margaritas next time. Yeah.

Lesley Logan [00:40:38]:

Why don't you come to Vegas? We'll do this in person at my Pod room. Yeah. We'll make margaritas.

Kristen Crowley [00:40:46]:

Jill needs to go to Vegas, so I got married in Vegas, so I go to Vegas all the time and I love Vegas. We will, we will plan it out.

Lesley Logan [00:40:54]:

We're doing it. We're making it happen. All right, thank you so much for being here, You all, how are you going to use these tips in your life? Please tag reFRAME Your Brand. Tag Kristen and Jill. Tag the Be It pod. Let us know what your takeaways were. What are you going to take away from this? Are you going to journal, like, in a 2.0 style? We want to hear it.

Lesley Logan [00:41:10]:

And share this with a friend who needs to be reminded that business takes time. Thank you so much and until next time, be it till you see it.

Lesley Logan [00:41:17]:

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It. Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcasts. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It.

Lesley Logan [00:41:40]:

Have an awesome day.

Lesley Logan [00:41:44]:

Be It Till You See It is a production of the Bloom Podcast Network. (Brad Crowell: It's written, filmed and recorded by your hosts, Lesley Logan and me, Brad Crowell.) It is produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo. (Brad Crowell: Our theme music is by Ali At Apex Production Music and our branding by designer and artist Gianfranco Cioffi.)

Lesley Logan [00:42:03]:

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals and Ximena Velazquez for our transcriptions.

Lesley Logan [00:42:09]:

Brad Crowell: Also to Angelina Herico for adding all the content to o