Be It Till You See It

Brad and LL said it, get rid of those roadblocks! Surround yourself with the people that help you recognize and overcome the barriers preventing you from reaching the dream. Listen for immediate actions steps to chase your ideal life. 

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected] .

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In this episode you will learn about:

• The beginning of Brad’s new podcast company 
• Taking messy action to pursue 
• Surrounding yourself with positive influences 
• Tracking goals through the quarterly year
• What are the things stopping you from your dream life? 

Episode References/Links:

• Elevate
• Podcast client form: lesleylogan.co/network

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox.

Resources

• Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube!
• Lesley Logan website
• Be It Till You See It Podcast
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTube
• Profitable Pilates

Social Media

• Instagram
• Facebook
• LinkedIn

Episode Transcript:

Lesley Logan 0:01  

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guests will bring Bold, Executable, Intrinsic and Targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.

Welcome back to the Be It Till You See It interview recap where my co hosts in life, Brad and I are going to dig into the motivating convo I had with Jillian Flodstrom in our last episode. If you haven't yet listened to that interview, feel free to pause this now, go back and listen to that one and then come back and join us or do it in the reverse. Just like ...

Brad Crowell 1:03  

Motivating. (Lesley: Yeah) That's the first, I'm loving it. Loving it.

Yeah, I mean, she definitely had a wealth of knowledge. I hope ...

Oh, it was like gold. Keep going back and listen to that one again.

Lesley Logan 1:14  

Go back and listen and take so many notes because she was giving you BE IT action items the whole way through. (Brad: The whole time. Yeah) Yeah. And then we found out, I think it was later in the day. I don't know, I think I recorded her and then I went, was on hers. Anyways, while I was on her podcast, (Brad: Yeah) recording her podcast, we I mentioned I was in Las Vegas. And she we finished her podcast. She's like, "I'm sorry. Do you live in Las Vegas?" I said, "Yeah." She's like, "I live in Las Vegas." (Brad: What?) And I'm like, "What? How is that possible? I thought you were in Washington." She said, "We just bought a house. We moved here yesterday."

Wow. That's so cool. (Lesley: Yeah, yeah. Yeah.) All right.

Anyways, well, we'll get into all of the stuff that Jillian has to say in just a second. But I'm so excited because tomorrow eLevate weekend number three kicks off. (Brad:Okay) Can't, that's three of five. So it's like, effectively the halfway point. And eLevate is my mentorship for Pilates instructors. And it's really fun because we have like 15 women from all over the world working on elevating their practice, their teaching, their connection to the method, we're ditching perfection. We're letting go that there's a right or wrong or an all or nothing in Pilates. We're like really leaning into like, there's so much good stuff. And it's been really fun to watch them grow and see each of their assessments along the way. It's I don't know, I'm in love with them.

Brad Crowell 2:31  

Not only that, I mean, I've noticed from outside perspective here, they are becoming fast friends. You know, the people who are in this first round, you know, it is truly a connection that they will have for the rest of their lives.

Lesley Logan 2:46  

Yeah, it's and that's also the intention of it. Like you put yourself into groups that of people that have the like the like mindedness, the thought like the the joy, the positivity that you want to have. And (Brad: Yeah) and they are helping be a mirror for each other. So when they talk negatively about how they're doing, they like are right in there to like, turn that frown upside down. And it's been a lot of fun because you know, when you ...

Brad Crowell 3:11  

It's a technical Pilates term, turn that frown upside down ...

Lesley Logan 3:15  

Yeah, well, because when you are learning become a Pilates instructor sometimes there's like you're taught a lot of time you're taught, this is how it is. And it's just that's not how the case is because every body is different ... (Brad: This is how we do it.) Yeah. And so just being able to give them that permission. (Brad: Somebody silly today.) (Brad laughs) Yeah, just be able to give them that permission, excuse me of like, having fun with the method. And also that there isn't necessarily a right or wrong, there can be a lot of gray in there. And so I'm excited for them. So anyways, I've been asked by many people, if we're doing eLevate again, and the goal is a "yes." And that we will open the door (Brad: A yes) like, "yes." But we're probably just going to open it up to the waitlist and allow the waitlist to apply for it. Because we're going to keep the next group actually a little smaller than the first group that we did. (Brad: Right) So you're going to want to get on ...

Brad Crowell 4:05  

If 15 in this first one, and the next group is going to be 12.

Lesley Logan 4:08  

Yeah, yeah, we're going to max it there, just because I want to make sure that, that I can, I can offer this along with the retreats that we do. And so that just means (Brad: Yeah) I have to make the group smaller, so it'll be a little more intimate. Not that 15 is a large group, it's still a small group. So if you're going to be wanting one of those 12, you're going to want to on the waitlist because it's a first come first serve situation. 

Brad Crowell 4:33  

We're actually not even planning to announce it publicly. It's just gonna go straight to those on the waitlist. So if you wanted to do that, get on that waitlist. (Lesley: Mm-hmm) Just go to lesleylogan.co/elevate.

Lesley Logan 4:44  

Yeah, that's the c o .co. So anyways, yeah, so so I'm just freaking love and I'm so excited for this weekend. But before we get into Jillian's recap. What is our audience question?

Brad Crowell 4:55  

Okay, so y'all know how excited I am about cactus and cacti? Well, there's only one other thing that gets me as excited as those plants. (Lesley: He's not lying only one other thing.) And that's starting new businesses. (Brad laughs) (Lesley: He loves it so much.) And I had to promise my team that this was the last one, that we would start until we really (Lesley: Until we sell.) until we, yeah, and still wait till we start to offload some of what we're what we've built over creating. We, the question really was, "I heard a rumor that you're starting a podcast production company." (Lesley: Yeah) And that is not a rumor that is actually happening and happened. In fact, last week, we brought on a couple new people to the team to focus specifically on the pod (Lesley: Yeah) company ...

Lesley Logan 5:50  

The whole job is to focus on this and I'm producing podcasts. And so yes, I had, we've been talking to some people whose podcasts we're actually going to be hopefully producing. (Brad: Yeah) And so then that birdie told another birdie and I got another, I got a little DM slip in there, like, "Excuse me. Uh huh. What is this?" So, what, what is the deal?

Brad Crowell 6:06  

But here's, here's the deal. So, so, in my, in my humble opinion, actually, this there's this is like every every rising tide lifts all ships kind of (Lesley: Yeah) analogy. What I'm building here, what I want to put together is a network of health and wellness pods. (Lesley: Mm-hmm) Okay, and we've already begun the, we've we've obviously figured out the process for doing the pods, like all the editing, but it includes the video and includes all the social sharing, and then coordinating with the guests and all that amazing stuff, there's so many steps, it's actually really crazy. And the genius of our team has helped us effectively make it scalable, okay? Meaning we could do as many as we want, because of the systematic approach that we've got. So that's really incredible. And what we decided to do then was put this network together of podcasts. And my goal is to put like up to 50 pods on the network in three years, they're all health and wellness focused in that, you know, and that's a wide, wide range, but health and wellness focus with the intention of cross promoting the podcast from one, one podcaster would maybe talk about, "Oh, you know, did you know Lesley had, you know, Jillian Flodstrom on and they were talking about, you know, motivating stuff," you know, whatever.(Lesley: Yeah) And we'll be cross promoting each other, so that our audiences are all exposed to each other.

Lesley Logan 7:39  

Yeah, cuz people who listen to podcasts, listen to podcasts. They don't listen to just one, they listened on average, about seven, I think it was the last time it was pre pandemic numbers. But ...

Brad Crowell 7:48  

Yeah, and then and then the bigger picture goal is we can grow that audience as a group of podcasts, and I'm really fired up about it. We're not the only people out there doing this, there are other networks out there. But if this is something that's of interest to you, and you've been thinking about starting a pod, or you have a pod already, and you're not really all that excited about, you know, doing all of the editing yourself, (Lesley: all the things) yeah, all the things yourself, you know, video, audio and social sharing stuff and transcripts and posting to your website, I mean, we were bringing so much to the table. You can you can actually apply to be on our pod network. And I will talk to you about that. And all the you know, everything from what the costs are to what you know, what the the timelines and how to, how we do this, go to lesleylogan.co/network, (Lesley: Yeah) lesleylogan.co/network. And, you know, that, like I said, like, the not only can we take take the burden off of you of actually producing all the pods and the content and managing it, we're also the end, the end goal is really to also work with ads, and then turn that into a revenue engine for you. (Lesley: Yeah) And so you know, if that's up your alley, let me know we're we are taking on clients ...

Lesley Logan 9:04  

Yeah, podcasts, y'all, if you are wanting to get, you want to be a speaker, you want to be invited to do things like podcasts are the way to do that. It's also one of the quickest way is to like meet your heroes and get to talk to them because everybody wants to be on a podcast. So

Brad Crowell 9:17  

Yeah, every time we do a show, an episode here, with our pod, it's another rep, you know, of "being on stage" quote, unquote, "being in front of people," quote, unquote, you know, but it's practice, we get the chance to be on camera. And, you know, be messy, take messy action, because, you know, "Oops, I said it wrong. Oh, I better correct it. I'm not gonna edit that out." It's just like, yeah, you know, it (Lesley: You ...) really helps you.

Lesley Logan 9:22  

You know, it kind of goes into what we're going to talk about in a moment, but, um, you get used to like making mistakes, fixing it on the fly, and just keeping going. (Brad: Yeah) And that like, you know, we didn't talk about this on the pod yet, but I was on the local news here. And it's always an out of body experience for me, whenever we do things like that, cuz I'm like, "Oh my God..." I thought it'd be pre recorded. It was live and I was like, "Oh my God it's live. Don't say the F word." So, um, so anyways, um, but when you do get on podcast when you have a podcast when you're used to doing things like this, it is really easy to talk to a random person I met five seconds before he went on the air and have a full on conversation like we're best friends. (Brad: Right) And that we get each other because we're both trying to make sure that the audience is getting the answers they need to questions that they have. And it all people like, "How do you do that?" It's like thousands of episodes for YouTube, podcast is like, (Brad: Sure) getting used to like saying things ...

Brad Crowell 10:31  

Classes. (Lesley: Yeah) Yeah. And the idea of thinking about like, like, what is the audience perceiving and what do they need to connect with this segment or this piece or this episode? You know, that definitely puts you on a, you know, the guy, the guy who was the host of the TV show. Yeah, he's a pro. He's in there every day doing the morning news or whatever news it was. And and so when you know, he's made a career out of it, right. So he knows his audience, his audience knows him. And it was really exciting for me to in the back of my mind, tell Lesley, "Don't say the F word," but in the front of my mind be like excited because she gets how it works. And she was using those same, that same understanding to connect with his audience (Lesley: Mm-hmm) and relate it back to him, which allowed him to actually have a conversation with her, (Lesley: Yeah) you know, just more practice. 

And all that, and all that comes from podcasting. (Brad: Yeah) So, just to wrap this all up, (Brad: Yeah) yes to the person who slid into my DMs. Yes, and there is the link I promised you to apply. (Lesley and Brad laughs)

lesleylogan.co/network

Lesley Logan 11:32  

If you have questions you want Brad or I to answer you... you need to send them to us on Instagram (Brad: Yeah) the @be_it_pod is the easiest place but if you want to send them to my Instagram, on @lesley.logan or on @profitablepilates, it's fine. Just say, "I want you to answer this question on the podcast." Great.

Brad Crowell 11:46  

Dig it. Okay, now let's talk about Jillian Flodstrom. A conve... a convert from the corporate world to becoming a kick ass entrepreneur and founder five different companies.

Lesley Logan 11:59  

I think you too are ...

Brad Crowell 12:01  

Yeah, yeah. Jillian Flodstrom, is dedicating her time to help small business owners become more productive, aligned and in control of their fortunes. (Lesley: Futures) Futures, fortunes, futures, all of the F words. (Brad laughs)

Lesley Logan 12:18  

I think I think she's probably doing all of that.

Brad Crowell 12:20  

Speaking of rolling with it on the fly. And that (Lesley: Yeah) going back to edit. (Brad laughs)

Lesley Logan 12:24  

All right. Well, I think she does both because if you can control your future, you can control your fortunes. (Brad: Yeah, so...) And it made me think of Fortune Feimster, which is like just a comedian who I definitely want on the pod. So if anyone knows Fortune Feimster I want her on the spot (I freakin love her.) (Brad laughs) She has nothing to do with this episode. So (Brad: Nothing to do with the episode.) one thing that I love that Jillian talked about, I mean, she talked about so many things we could have gone on forever. But perfection kill... perfectionism kills opportunity. (Brad: Yes) I see this all the time. I see this in coaching teachers, I see this in teaching people Pilates, the idea of like, trying to get something right, really is killing you from exploring and getting a learning lesson and getting strength and getting your reps in and learning anything and, and people, you know, some of the opportunities I've had are because I didn't wait for it to be perfect. And I just did the thing. And because I did it before anyone else did who's trying to make it perfect. It doesn't matter, that mine like other people might have better versions, but because I just frickin kept putting stuff out there and doing the best I could. It's the perfect thing. It allowed me to be in a place to have bounce buddy asked me to do blog writing. (Brad: Yeah) That when like, I was a terrible blog writer, but I was just the only other person blogging. (Lesley laughs)

Brad Crowell 13:39  

She would write it and then I would rewrite it afterwards she written.

Lesley Logan 13:43  

Yeah. (Brad: True) It's cuz I don't know were commas go. It's fine. It's fine. You just ...

Brad Crowell 13:47  

It works out. (Lesley: You just organize my thoughts.) I mean, that you know consider me the editor. (Lesley: That's ...) It's all good.

Lesley Logan 13:53  

Yeah, anyways. But the point is, I really love that she said that. And I think if you're listening to us, and there's something you're waiting to do untill it's right, or ready, just put it out there and do the thing and just see what happens.

Brad Crowell 13:55  

Well, I think also too, with the podcast company, I felt like that too. You know, I had this idea, literally 14 months ago. And yeah, it was the beginning of last year, and when we were talking about your pod, and also and I had this idea, and she was like, "We got to get one pod off the ground first." And I was like, "Oh, I know. But don't worry, it's gonna happen all up in my head." And it took me a long time. And I thought we were ready to get started a few times before but I was hesitating, I was hesitating. And you know, cuz I was waiting for the stars to align when we had the perfect clients. And we could get paid right away and we could do all these things. And like, it just kind of slowed it all down for me. And it finally became clear that I just need to get this ... I need to pull a trigger when you do it and there was risk involved because I meant hiring the team, you know, but you know now got the balls rolling it's like ...

Lesley Logan 15:01  

Now there's opportunity to take on the client (Brad: Not ...) when you meet them. You can't be like, "Oh, just give me a month to get everybody on board." (Brad: Right. Exactly.) What did you love?

Brad Crowell 15:09  

Awesome. Well, so she said, first off with the perfectionism kills opportunity. So she was specifically talking about starting a like a side hustle, right? And then she talked about what I really loved was talking about surrounding yourself with people who want to become better. And you you two had a really interesting back and forth about what if you can't get away from the people who are the negative (Lesley: Yeah) you know, influence in your life? Like, what if it's your spouse, or your family member, your dad or whatever? Like, what if it's, you know, you're a ra.. or maybe it's your boss, you know, you're around that person all the time. And I'm really loved what her response was. And that's what I wanted to talk about. She, she said, first off, you want to surround yourself with people who want to become better, because that, that, that positive influence is going to change the way that you think. But if you don't have the choice, to get away from the negativity, you can do that with a podcast and going for a walk. (Lesley: Yeah) You know, so finding a pod that you find inspiring or encouraging, you know, preferably, it starts with Be It and ends with Till You See It. (Lesley laughs)

Lesley Logan 16:20  

But also it makes me think of, or... Hazel Ortega is like, "J.Lo was my mentor," like, (Brad: Yeah sure) like, um, you know, picking out podcasts, getting books, following people who do have a positive influence over you that may not ever be your friend, but like, they can be your sacred space and until, you can have a stronger muscle of being the person you want to be around the negativity that you can't get away from. Because I think that's really the problem is like that their negative energy is overpowering your ability to be positive in a moment. (Brad: Yeah) And so and have that strength and belief in what you want to do. So get your get your cup filled with all these other people who may or may not know that you're like, being a sexy barnacle, my Agency members, so you're being someone who's like, "Okay, I'm going to listen to this. I'm going to make sure I look at their feeds. I'm going to read their stuff I'm not," you know, and then that way, you can actually have a stronger effect. So when, you know now, like, we have a family member who sometimes he has a really hard time being positive. And the other day when he I answered my phone, and he was like, "Blah, blah, blah." And I was like, "Good morning, it's so good to hear your voice." You know, like, like, I didn't, I didn't like I didn't meet him at his level. That's because, you know, I, I have a much stronger reflex around that now. So I think that that's a really wa... a way to do it. I really liked her suggestion, because she could have said nothing, she could have said, sorry ...

Brad Crowell 17:49  

Yeah, I mean, it's the, you know, I'm sure you've heard that where the sum of the five people that we hang out with the most or whatever. And, and the reality is, it's it's, it's unfortunately, it's unfortunately, true. (Brad laughs) (Lesley: Yeah) You know, like, like, it's, it's easy to hesitate and not take messy action, or to feel like you have to get things perfect before what if you're surrounded with people who aren't taking action, who aren't who you know, who are also waiting, or who are ideas, people only, but they're not doing execution that you know, the execution side of it, they're not actually taking any action, it's so easy to measure yourself against the people that you're with. And we obviously talked about not doing that, when in your business, don't measure your business against someone else. But it's kind of hard not to we do that, right. So if, you know, we, we inadvertently give ourselves permission, or, you know, like permission to take action, or permission not to take action, because of the people who are influencing us the most. So if the people who are around you are never taking action, that is going to feel weird for you to actually go do that, you're going to feel like you're, you know, you're you're doing something out of the norm. And you're going to be giving yourself permission not to take action because nobody else has taken action. So what's it really matter, right? And then conversely, in a positive note, if the people you're around are hustling, and they're out there doing their, their side hustle, and they're, you know, like they're talking about all the time, they're excited, they're getting a client, they're doing the thing, they're making a website or whatever it is they're doing that's going to spur you on and in gi... give you that positive permission to actually go take messy action yourself.

Lesley Logan 19:31  

Yeah, no, I agree. I think it's really fun. You know, I was just thinking last Thursday I went and took that pole fitness class because I'm looking, I'm on a hobby hunt. And I I there was an unfortunate circumstance where the teacher didn't show up so then this other teacher had to teach burlesque and pole so she did a burle... she taught burlesque extra like thing move and then she had a pole move and then a burlesque move and just so you know, no freakin way do I want to do burlesque. I have friends who love it and they're so good at it. And I'm like, I watch them and I'm like, "I could be sexy. I could do it." And I was in that class, I'm like, "This is, this is so far out of my like comfort zone. Like, this is (Brad laughs) like 15 lifetimes of comfort zone, I have to get through." But, but I was like wanting to leave, but no one else was leaving. I was like, "Okay, they're just rolling with it." And I'm like, "Okay, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna go like, I'm obviously here for a reason." (Brad: Yeah) And, and it doesn't have to be perfect just because like, like, "I'm here to see if I like this." So it's fine. Maybe I probably wouldn't be like, have no arms if I was able to a full hour class, the first time I showed up. So let me just say... (Brad: Yeah, it's no joke.) The burlesque break was great. I definitely took it. I was like, "This is good. I'm gonna watch. Way to go, ladies." (Brad and Lesley laughs) And I did a couple moves and I was like, "This hurts my knees." Everything hurts. So Les, I'm thinking about you. (Lesley laughs) I was like, "How are the ladies doing it?" Anyways, but I was doing the poll, and I was really uncomfortable and a little nervous and feeling really intimidated. And the women there were like, so eager to help. So wanting to like show like, "Oh, no, just move your foot right there." And they're like, "Yeah, you got it." And they're like, "You have to come back." And so like, even in that moment, surrounded myself with a bunch of people who like, they're already better than I am. And they were so excited to like, help me. And so it's like, I actually want to go back even though I don't know that I liked it. I don't know ... it's unclear still. But I think it's like putting yourself in spaces and not being scared to like, connect with those people who are, who want to become better at whatever there is they're doing. It's contagious and made me want to try like I was watching these girls when like, "Well, if they can do it. I feel like I should be able to do this." (Brad: Right) So it was just anyways, I think that is a really good reminder that we all need to do.

Brad Crowell 21:41  

Yeah, well, awesome. All right. Finally, let's talk about those BE IT action items that you discussed with Jillian Flodstrom. What bold, executable, intrinsic or targeted action items can we take away from your convo?

Lesley Logan 21:55  

Why don't you jump in?

Brad Crowell 21:56  

Yeah, so (Lesley and Brad laughs) that's my line.

Lesley Logan 22:00  

I know. You say it all the time so I was wanted to ... (Lesley and Brad laughs)

Brad Crowell 22:05  

That's funny. Okay, so she talked about getting it all done and all the things, right. And she said, what she does is she instead of planning out a whole year, she plans quarterly, so 90 days, and she breaks it down. And she thinks about her year as one quarter. So every three months in her mind is one year, right? And so she's like, "Alright, if I'm going to, you know, get done everything this year, then I'm going to consider each week of those 12 weeks, one month." Right? "So I've got a whole month to do this whole thing, whatever this whole thing happens to be" and she works backwards, she breaks it down into chunks of, you know, whatever it is to accomplish, you know, the next steps. And I loved this because we we do this all the time with our Agency members. So if you're an Agency, and you're a pro member, you get a quarterly phone call with us. And we get to help you dig into your actual business about your, you know, dreams, your goals, your clients, your path, and we help you map out your next 90 days. So exactly what Jillian's talking about here, because we found the exact same thing, when you have goals that are like, "Someday I'm going to open 10 studios." Right? That's like a very, that's a it's an intangible goal. There's no actual task there, you know, because there's like a thousand tasks to open one studio, and then you got to repeat the process, right? So you can't just say like, "Oh, you know, I'll open 10 studios," you got to get a break it all the way down to opening one, and what's gonna happen within the next 90 days to get that one open? And then how do we like create a process around that so that you can use that process to open others in the future. And it allows it to, again, take messy action, not make things perfect and create, like, you know, allows, I think my favorite part of working with our Agency members who are on this program, the pro program, where we have these quarterly calls, is they get to look back at the previous 90 days, and they get to see all the amazing progress that they made from their plan that we helped them, you know, sculpt together and then they went back and they said, "Wow, I did this, this this this, okay, these two things didn't happen. Okay, why? All right, let's, let's figure that out." But you know, these other things, they all happen in the last quarter and, and they get to, you know, you would get to literally see your business moving forward. It's exciting. So (Lesley: Yeah) I love that planning quarterly, (Lesley: She ...) you know, planning quarterly.

Lesley Logan 24:32  

She is like the organization like woman, she's so great. And she is like, yeah, and also all tasks should take two to five minutes. And it's like, boom (Brad: Right) and it gets done so like quickly because you don't think, "Oh, I'm gonna, I'm gonna write a blog. It's like, I'm gonna make a title. I'm gonna write the first paragraph, second paragraph," (Brad: Yeah) you know, like, and so anyways it for some people's brains, I think that's really great. I love it, I mean.

Brad Crowell 24:57  

Yeah, so what about you? What's your biggest take BE IT takeaway?

Lesley Logan 25:00  

Okay, this is so cool. This is genius. Write a list of things stopping you from having your dream life. So sometimes we don't know what we want. I get this a lot when people are like, "I don't know what goals to have. I don't really know what I want." And other times people know exactly what they want. But there's all these things that are in the way. I love this, you write a list, nothing stopping you from having it. And then you can really, you can just like go through and go, "Is this true? Like or how do I get rid of this thing?" Or so because it's sort of like your dream life is like so far away and you have all these obstacles, you can actually tangibly see what they are. Some of them might be mindset related and some of (Brad: Yeah) that is like really good awareness for you like, is it even real? And then other things might be physical, like maybe your dream life is living in a different place. And so we have a girl that were in a that Artist's Way course whose dream life is living in Italy, she lives here in Vegas. (Brad: Right) But she is she's like, "Okay, what's stopping me from moving to Italy? Well, we need to have money, we need to have this, we need to have this." So she wrote all these things down. She didn't even know she was being it until she sees it. But she is (Brad laughs) she wrote down and they have a plan to have this dream life in Italy by getting rid of the roadblocks that are there. And so I think if you don't currently have the dream life that you want to have write down the reasons you don't and see which ones are in your control. (Brad: Yeah) Which ones are real? Which ones are like you just have to change like your, the way you're seeing it. And ...

Brad Crowell 26:22  

Yeah, her specific example, from the interview was many, many women don't leave their full time jobs to become an entrepreneur because of the insurance aspect of it. (Lesley: Mm-hmm) Right? And so they they feel stuck, because they're like, "I would except, hmm." Right. So that line right there, I would expect, like, fill in the blanks, what what is the except, you know, what is that thing? Or what is the multiple things that are stopping you from taking those next steps in your journey, you know, in, you know, for towards your dream? And that could be money. It could be family, it could be insurance, it could be you know, I don't know, maybe you have a, you know, like, for example, my, my parents were like, "Oh, yeah, we're gonna move." And then they were like, "Oh..." except our parents or my grandparents, their their parents are getting old and they wanted to be near them. Okay. I, you know, that's a reasonable thing. But, you know, if that's what's stopping them from moving, then maybe now there's just a timeline on it, and we can count down, you know, figure that whole thing out. And so there's just there's a ton of reasons that, that we tell ourselves, these are the stories that we're telling ourselves. And more often than not, they're figureoutable.

Lesley Logan 27:38  

Everything is. (Brad: Yeah) All right. I'm Lesley Logan.

Brad Crowell 27:41  

And I'm Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 27:42  

Thank you so much for joining us today. I'm so grateful for you (Brad: Yes) like we really wouldn't have podcast without listeners. So thanks for being one. How are you going to use these tips in your life? What I want you to do is screenshot this episode. (Brad: Yeah) Tag me the @be_it_pod, tag Jillian Flodstrom and your takeaway. And this way, not only do people around you get to hear about this amazing show and maybe become one of the five people want to surround yourself with. But also Jillian and I get to hear what really landed with you, and we can continue to bring you more episodes like this one. Until next time, Be It Till You See It.

Brad Crowell 28:12  

Have a good one.

Lesley Logan 28:15  

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review. And follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcasts. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the @be_it_pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others BE IT TILL YOU SEE IT. Have an awesome day!

'Be It Till You See It' is a production of 'As The Crows Fly Media'.

Brad Crowell 28:48  

It's written, produced, filmed and recorded by your host Lesley Logan and me, Brad Crowell. Our Associate Producer is Amanda Frattarelli.

Lesley Logan 28:59  

Kevin Perez at Disenyo handles all of our audio editing.

Brad Crowell 29:03  

Our theme music is by Ali at APEX Production Music. And our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan 29:12  

Special thanks to our designer Jaira Mandal for creating all of our visuals (which you can't see because this is a podcast) and our digital producer, Jay Pedroso for editing all video each week so you can.

Brad Crowell 29:24  

And to Angelina Herico for transcribing each of our episodes so you can find them on our website. And, finally to Meridith Crowell for keeping us all on point and on time.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

What are you celebrating today? Even your smallest steps are moving you forward and worth recognizing. Through the eyes of entrepreneur, Jillian Flodstrom, even giving yourself one day to wallow is appropriate to you to the other-side. 

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected] .

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.

In this episode you will learn about:

• Perfectionism kills opportunity 
• Surrounding yourself with people who want to become better
• One day to wallow, then get to the other side
• Planning quarterly to chunk tasks 
• Write down the thoughts that circle in your mind. A list of things in your way from living your dream. 

Episode References/Links:

• Instagram
• The Messy Middle
• Scale Your Small Business Podcast

Guest Bio:

As a seven-figure entrepreneur Jillian has created, launched, and built five different businesses in three different industries.

As the founder of FND Insurance & Financial Services, LLC, her current business, is one of the elite few that was chosen in all of the state of Washington to be the preferred provider by the Washington Health Benefit Exchange and has been featured regularly in the media.

From forensic biologist to health insurance broker and entrepreneur to international business owner, Jillian Flodstrom is a specialist in helping her clients mitigate the feelings of overwhelm, chaos, and confusion when it comes to leading and growing their businesses. She is the host of the Scale Your Small Business podcast and frequently does presentations for small business organizations as well as being on the board of directors of a national nonprofit dedicated to raising funds to support people living with life threatening health conditions.

With a relentless passion for efficiency, organization, and strategic planning Jillian has dedicated her time and her business to helping and inspiring small business owners to become more productive, more aligned and more in control of their future.

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox.

Resources

• Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube!
• Lesley Logan website
• Be It Till You See It Podcast
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTube
• Profitable Pilates

Social Media

• Instagram
• Facebook
• LinkedIn

Episode Transcript:

Lesley Logan 0:00  

Hello, welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast. I am so freakin' stoked for you to listen to this one, grab your notepads. And if you're driving, don't but just know that you're gonna want to relisten to this because what Jillian Flodstrom is going to just start throwing at you is some really awesome, honest, actionable information. And I'm not kidding, like, I found myself going, "I need to write that quote down. I need to write that one down." And, you know, I, I really, I really need you to hear this, I really need you to hear this. No one knows how everything's gonna end up. No one does. Everyone is just really trying to do the best. And I say that to you because you might be listening to this podcast right now feeling a little bit down, feeling a little bit like, maybe you're not where you want to be yet. And I just want to remind you, first of all, you're listening to Be It Till You See It. So you're already doing something she's going to tell you that you should be doing. Two, give yourself credit for what you've done. I really, really, I really, really want you to be starting to think about what you celebra... what you're celebrating each day because I need you and Jillian is going to talk about this. You need to know how far you've come. And so you can actually see, "Whoa, today I'm being the person that five years ago, I wanted to be." Do you ever think about that? You're like, actually the person that you wanted to be five years ago? Yeah. So we can make things, we can make things happen a little faster. If we act as if the person want to be in 10 years, we are already. I know I'm really challenging myself on that right now. And it's not frickin easy. It's not easy. It's not easy. I find myself like, frustrated with myself when I am not acting like ... acting as if, you know, and being it till I see it, I'm not. It's like you start to distrust yourself. And what I want you to know is like you're not alone. If you're doing that you're a human being. It's normal. And, you know, what you're going to hear inside of this podcast is some tips for when you're feeling like you don't have the energy or you don't have the strength or you don't have the knowledge to be it till you see it because there's some nuggets in here. So notepads or iPhone notes, or if you got a kid in the car with a notebook or an iPad most likely (Lesley laughs) have them take notes as you're listening to this because it's so freakin good. So after this brief message, Jillian Flodstrom.

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guests will bring Bold, Executable, Intrinsic and Targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.

Hey, Be IT babe, welcome back. I've got our guest here for you. And I'm really excited because I met this woman, because I did a call out like a shout out like, "I need these things." And she was like, so on it to go, "I can offer this." And I loved that so much. And you came in as a guest to our Agency membership and like blew their mind with email organization, I think (Lesley laughs) a couple other things. And I like, "Wow, someone could be that organized." And so anyways, our paths brought us back together and Jillian Flodstrom, I'm so excited that you're here, because you are a woman who takes action. And also your story is so freaking amazing. I'm really, really excited. So can you please tell everyone, who you are and what you're up to these days?

Jillian Flodstrom 3:49  

Yes, for sure. Thank you so much for having me. I'm excited to be back and share with everybody kind of what's been going on and really the steps that I've taken to take action because I think that is one thing that people really struggle with. So my career started in corporate America for I think a lot of people start there. And I realized that I just wanted a different life. I wanted to be able to travel, I wanted to be able to, you know, do work virtually really, and this was you know, prior to COVID and everything happening. So that was really unusual for a lot of people they were like, "There's no way that you're gonna be able to do that." And so really created this, this thing that, it that was so commonplace, but back then it wasn't so doing so many different things with you know, actions, I think really has led me to where I am today. So I'm excited to talk about it.

Lesley Logan 4:40  

Yeah, I mean, it's, it is interesting, because similarly I started something after leaving corporate work in 2017, 2018. And then now it's the norm for people with with the pandemic. And everyone asked me like, "How did you do it then?" That's like, "Well, I just took some messy action. Did things scared." (Lesley laughs) But what what do you think it is that ke... keeps people from taking the action? Like, is it fear? Is it uncertain? Like wha... like, that's the same thing as fear. But like, what do you think it is keeping people from taking those action steps?

Jillian Flodstrom 5:13  

I really think is our perfectionism. And it's got to be perfect. It's got to be pretty, it's gotta be beautiful. And I think that the way that we can just move forward is to make it messy, you know, just do it. It's not gonna be perfect. I always use the example of my website, you know, the first time we launched, I was like, "Oh, my gosh, it's so beautiful. It's so amazing." Ho... not knowing that we were going to completely redo it like six more times, it looks completely different. And I love it even more, but just being open to realize that changes coming, whatever. It looks like version 1.0. It's going to be so many different versions and being okay with it, that it's going to change the first time it's not going to look anything like it does now. And that's totally okay.

Lesley Logan 5:56  

Right. I know, it's like, I was reading a book about habits. And in the book they talk about like, when babies take their first step, we don't go, "Oh, no, try again. That was actually like totally off balance." And turned in like we, "Oh, my God, like, it's the most amazing thing." But somehow, we forget that, like, it's baby steps that like, get us there. So okay, you were in corporate America, you started your own thing. How long ago was that? And how, how big is your thing now, like what ...

Jillian Flodstrom 6:25  

... That was all the way back in 2009. And that was, you know, if you remember that was when the crash happened. And I thought to myself, "Okay, if I can make it in financial services, when the market is tanking, and people are running for cover, I can make it any time." I was like, "This is the perfect time for me to go," just hold my nose and jump in. And that's exactly what I did and never looked back. And it's just been. I mean, there was some tough, there was some tough times, but you know, like, my parents always said, "You're gonna have to muscle through it." And I just kept telling myself that we rest at the end, not in the middle, and you just keep going. And every huge project that I took on, or the next thing that I was like, "Okay, now I'm going to try this, it's like you, you can rest at the end, just not in the middle." So

Lesley Logan 7:12  

Oh, such a good reminder. (Jillian: Yeah) Such a good reminder, because it's so true. Like, we all want to like what the middle is hard and mucky. And like, you know, it makes me think that when I ran, when I ran a marathon, I had a really good pace. And then there is this like middle section, that's pretty boring, and no offense LA, but like, it's this part where you could leave Beverly Hills, you're coming out a century, like passenger city, and it just is kind of this long road, it's actually uphill, it doesn't look like uphill when you're driving it but it's uphill when you're running it. And then you have to like run under the freeway also boring till you get to the VA Center, which is somewhat pretty ish. But really, it's like four miles of just like, block. And I've and I slowed down my pace, like I started to rest, right, which just made it harder because I was going uphill anyways, which is the same every middle it has is an uphill battle. And if you're resting, you're just in it longer. (Lesley laughs) And then the fascinating thing is, a year later, I did a half marathon and I had that same exact spot and again, didn't slow down as much, but I slowed down again and I was like, "Ooh, we had this as a learning lesson for life." So that so I love that, you know, we can rest at the end. So okay, so you start in 2009. I started teaching Pilates in 2008. And it's the same thing like when people are like, "Oh my God, it's so hard here because," I'm like, let me just tell you, if I was able to leave my job during the recession, when people with money, who had that these are the people had the money to spend, we're like canceling their Alhambra water deliveries. We're still going, "Okay, I want to Pilates session, you can make it any time." Like people are always looking for that. So you made it through that. And then obviously, we had the pandemic, with is own interesting trials and tribulations. How how are you able to take like, I guess I want to know, like, what, what did you take any different actions during this last couple of years? Whereas a little different uncertainty versus your first year in business? Or was it kind of the same action steps?

Jillian Flodstrom 9:08  

It's very, it's very similar, but I think it's one of those things where you have to be very careful with who you surround yourself with. Because there was a lot of people that were focused on like, the horribleness of it, which of course, it was absolutely miserable. But there was a small group of people that were like, "What can we do differently? How can we look back however long this lesson?" I don't know about you, but when they shut Disneyland down, I was like, "Okay, this is serious." Like at that point (Lesley laughs) I was like, "Okay, we got to come up with a game plan because however long this lasts," and you know, back then we thought it was gonna be you know, a couple months and then we were going to be out and here we are, you know, three years later, roughly. But we I just sat down I was like, "Okay, we have a unique opportunity to look at this time." And when I look back on it, I want to make sure that I came out better than I went in. And I think that that's something about shifting your perspective and making sure that yes, it's a horrible thing. It really, really sucks. But when I look back on it, am I going to be happy with what I did and focus. And I mean, there was an immense amount of focus that was able to happen during that time. I mean, I did things that I would have never gotten an opportunity to speak with certain people, because they were stuck just like I was that I was like, "Hey, let's jump on a call, let's, you know, do these things that we would never be able to do because we're traveling and you know, speaking schedules are so busy. You know, all those different things." So really remembering that whatever time you're going through, surround yourself with people that are thinking, "You know, we're going to make this work. How can we fix this? What can we do differently? How can we support our clients? What are we going to, you know, how are we going to come out better than we went in?"

Lesley Logan 10:57  

I freakin I'm obsessed with that. Okay, so same I was when, when everything went down, my entire year canceled. I'm sure most people's ... but like, I travel 8 countries I had like 140,000 miles. And there's a ton of stuff, right? And so for the first time and like my adult life, I had no plans at all. (Lesley laughs) Right? (Jillian: It's terrifying.) It's terrifying. And also, I was like, "Okay, well, we kind of asked for this," because in 2019, in December, I was like, I told Brad, I said, "I really wish that there was more opportunity for surprise in next year." (Lesley laughs) (Jillian: surprise) I... well surprise! But I did, I remember thinking to myself, like two weeks, and I was like, "Maybe not even that long." I was like, "I want to make sure that however, whenever this ends, I have this reset up my business for everything I said I would do when I had the time." Like when I had the time I would. And so I was like on a mission. I was like moving so fast. Because of course, I thought there's only gonna be like, two months. (Lesley laughs) How do I know, in two years, I'm able to pace myself. But but like, I think, um, I think first of all, having that mentality, like I want to be better on the other side of this. And I think that we should, we don't have to have a pandemic for that. Like, it could be anything that we're in any obstacle that we're going through, we could think like, "Okay, who do I want to be on the other side of this obstacle?" But I really love about surrounding, who you surround yourself with, I think that that is like, so key. So you called up some people that you knew from your industry and things like that. But what if you like our living? I'm not. So don't worry about me, everyone. But like one of your liv... I'm thinking of a listener here. What if you're living in a household where the negative people are there? And like, how, so what would what would be your action steps be to like, surround yourself with other people if you can't unsurround yourself with people?

Jillian Flodstrom 12:47  

Right? Well, I think probably the easiest, the most affordable way to, is to listen to podcasts. There was so much information that we were able to digest because of course, we were all stuck at home. And it's like, okay, where can we gather all this information from? So podcasts, I mean, books, there's so much stuff, that when you start immersing yourself in it, it starts to kind of tune the noise out. And if you're living with negative people, it's really easy to get sucked into that and be like, "Oh, you're right, this does, you know stink, and kind of get bogged down that quagmire". But if you're setting aside time to know that, "Okay, I'm going to connect with this person on their podcast every single week. And that's going to be my time to focus on the positivity and know that that person is going to breathe energy into me." It's just something that you start to look forward to. And you're like, "I'm gonna be there." It's like the news. You know, the news comes on, every single day. There's so many podcasts out there that come out every single week that we have access to that I think we just don't realize. So podcasts and books, definitely the top.

Lesley Logan 13:55  

Oh, I lo... and also that's so simple, because podcasts are mostly free everyone, even the ones that charge they basically offer you last week's version for free. So that is a great way to surround yourself with positive vibes and books because you can like immerse yourself in those things. And I think until you can change the those around you, or you can, well, you can't change them until they change themselves. Or you can just change where you live. Those are great. So okay, um, you know, you started your business so long ago, and so many people are. Maybe they're not even thinking of leaving their corporate job or the current job. Maybe it's like, no, but this is good. Or maybe they're staying because health insurance is a real thing. And they and they want to keep it how how would you talk to the person who's like maybe thinking they have an idea. Maybe they're wanting to start something as they go weekend side hustle, like, what are some things that they need to keep in their mind so that they can take those action steps.

Jillian Flodstrom 14:52  

I think the most important thing is that don't let anything limit you because I talked to a lot of people that health insurance to is is a huge thing for them. But there's so many resources, there's so many things that you could do. So, I would write a list like, "What are the things that are stopping me from having this dream life that I've been thinking about for so long?" Whatever it is, if it's like a virtual world, kind of like what we created, if it's whatever it is, write it down. Because I think back to all those like sticky notes and back of envelopes, if I had a notebook, to go back and look at my, like, 2009 version of Jil and like, today's version of myself, I just think it would be so cool. So, I say get one notebook and write all that stuff down, whatever is that limiting belief, or you're like, "Well, I would leave my corporate job, if I just had health insurance, or if I just had retirement, or if I just had this," whatever it is, write it down. Because there's so many different things where you can recreate that for yourself, you just don't know about it yet. Because there's a lot of people that stay where they're at, and don't realize that that's even an option that you can create, you know, individual 401K's for, you and your company, and you know, all those different things.

Lesley Logan 16:05  

Isn't it so true? I mean, it's, it's kind of, it's kind of crazy. I mean, one of our girls on our team, she, you know, we were hoping to bring her on. I mean, timing is everything, but we wanted to bring her on. And she was like, "Well, I really need to have health insurance. Like I really need to have it." And we were looking at and I found it, it just like, "How much does that even cost?" Like, "Can we just like put her bill on the, on... Can we just pay for it? Like, what does that look like?" You know? And so you like you'd be surprised everyone like what you can either get and in different capacities if you're just creative, but I think you're, I think you're right, I recently just wrote down, I was feeling a little stuck. Because like, it's just been a lot busy. Like, it's not a little bit, it's been a lot busy. And the busy good kind like the stuff when you're really creating things and you you know, you're you scale a small business, there's gonna be moments where like you're scaling, but like, maybe the bodies to help, haven't haven't shown up yet. So ever... everything is happening. And I was like, "I'm just feeling really stuck on like, what I want my new schedule to be because it needs to change because it can't be what it was." And so I'm reading this book, and it was like, write down 10 I would like to, and I didn't write 10 I wrote fuckin 50. Like, I was like, I will, I once I started. I was like, I was like, "Wow, we really do not we want." (Lesley laughs) But ...

Jillian Flodstrom 17:27  

It's amazing, because you just let yourself go. I think we're so restrictive. Sometimes it's like, just dream. It's okay. Write it down.

Lesley Logan 17:34  

Yes. Yes. So okay, when. So when you were dreaming up your business? Like, are you living beyond? Is your business beyond what you dreamt up? Or was like, oh, is it exactly what you wanted? How did it work out?

Jillian Flodstrom 17:47  

I think it's better than I thought it was gonna be, which at the time, I mean, 2009 me, it was terrifying. I don't mean to make it sound like I knew it was gonna be okay. Because I did... And there, I mean, just like the marathon, there is a slog. And I have been ... (Lesley laughs) And I think you need to know that. I mean, because when you go into it, eyes wide open, you're like, "Okay, this is just the slog. I'm going to come out the other side. I'm going to, there's going to be the downhill run." Right? And so knowing that the slog is going to happen multiple times, I think that you can better prepare yourself and know that it's only temporary, and you're going to get through it. And whatever you write down, it's going to be better than you thought it was. And it's really hard to know that in the beginning, but it always works out. Like you've talked to so many people. I've talked to so many people that everybody's like, "It's better than I thought it was gonna be." Just have to have the courage and the bravery to be like, "Whatever comes my way. I'm gonna handle it. (Lesley: Yeah) And just go for it."

Lesley Logan 18:47  

You're like, it's so true. It is, I mean, I've it's rare... I think most people end up those people who take the action most people end up better than they expected. (Jillian: Mm-hmm) And and I think that's just like the way it goes because you almost cannot picture exactly like, like everything because but you have to dream and I... And we had Hazel Ortega on she she talks about miracle goals. You got to dream way bigger than you actually think is realistic, because you'd be surprised like the synchronicity that shows up and, or serendipity or you know, whatever word like it just kind of works itself out. You're like, "Whoa, this is like way cooler than I was expecting." (Lesley laughs)

Jillian Flodstrom 19:27  

... it's so cool to be able to have that journal, that notebook, whatever it is, so you can look back because we forget how far we've come. And we're just like, "Look at what we're doing. We don't celebrate ourselves enough. We don't realize that like, we're kicking ass and taking names." And whatever, whether that's was something small, or something big. It's like we're out there and we're doing it. And we just have to give ourselves enough kudos to remember that (Lesley: Yeah) we're showing up every ... that we can do it.

Lesley Logan 19:55  

Yeah, you're so right. I I love that you share that like you were scared and you have no idea cuz I think, I think a lot of people are looking at other people and they must they have all the answers and like, especially, I don't care who you were, when when 2020 hit, no one knew what to do. You know, like some people could pivot fast, big businesses have to pivot. Like, it's not like you can just you can't turn of big ship, we all saw what happened, the Suez Canal, like, (Lesley laughs) it's a little harder. And so everyone who was at the top was like, doing the best they could. And they were all very scared. And I think like, we we put a lot of emphasis thinking like, the grass is greener on the other side, or like, they have all the answers, if only I was like them, but really, everyone out there is just like, "Okay, I'm gonna, I'm doing the best I can today." That's what's happening, right?

Jillian Flodstrom 20:42  

Absolutely. And I think that's something that we have to remember too, because we look at these people that we think that they have it all together. I mean, social media helps create that. It's the Pinterest, you know, lifestyle that people post on social media, we have to remember that. We're all slogging, we might not be slogging at the same time, but there's a time for all of us that it's like, we're just going through it. And it's not always going to be pretty, but you just have to keep going.

Lesley Logan 21:07  

Okay? So in this slog, because slogs happen all the time, like it's not (Jillian: Yeah) even just the middle of the marathon, like it could be the middle of the day. And I'm, I'm slowly reading, (I think his name's Scott Belsky) Ah, I may... anyways, he he sold something to Adobe, he has a book - The Messy Middle. And his whole thing is like, it's like, you know, there's the beginning of the business. And then there's the end of the business and the rest is the middle and it's messy. And it it's it's going up and down. Like like an earthquake. What do you call those things? (Jillian: Oh yeah, totally) But like ideally, it's on the upward climb, but like sometimes you're going to be below the up and things like that. And so he, he talks on the messy middle a lot and I I'm, I just think like a... how do you handle the slog when you're in it? Like, what are the things you tell yourself? What are the things you tell your team? Because also, like, if you're listening this Mama's like, there's many times when like, in the family, the family unit, it's like a business, right? It's gonna have a slog time so what are the, what are the things you get yourself, to get yourself through it?

Jillian Flodstrom 22:12  

I mean, number one, is kindness. I always tell people like I never realized how big of a bully I was until I realized how I talked to myself. And I think it's you got to flip that because we're, of course, we're all our own worst critic, we're sometimes downright mean to ourselves, and you would never like, Lesley, you would never call me up and be like, "Jill, da da da da da." (Lesley: Right) Why do I do that to myself, like, we would never do that to someone else, we shouldn't do that to ourselves. And so just knowing that giving our self kindness, giving ourselves grace, and knowing that we're going to be able to come out of it faster. And I think that's the key is figuring out, how can you write the ship get back up faster, so you can get into those up swings, and be more consistent in that. And I think that's really, I always do one thing, which is kind of goofy, but I give myself one day to wallow, that means that I can scream, I can cry, I can lay in bed with the covers over my head, I can eat ice cream, whatever your thing is, and most people know what their one thing is, (Lesley: Ahaha) whatever that is, allow yourself to feel those feelings. But knowing that the next day, you're going to get back up and you're going to get back to it, whatever that big thing that's frustrating you or that project, you know, you've just got to get back to it. Because if you allow yourself too long to wallow, you could stay there for a (Lesley: Yeah) really long time. And then that creates a whole bunch of other things. So, I think allowing yourself a specific amount of time whether you know it's a week or whatever you're going through, allow yourself a set amount of time knowing that, "Okay, on this day, I'm going to get back up and I'm going to you know, get in the shower, whatever it is that my makeup on, and I'm going to get back to it." I think is really helped me because I know that that timeframe has shortened. You know, when I first started my business and we were in the crash and you know, financial services, we were in trouble like there was a lot of stuff going on and people were absolutely terrified about their retirement. It is really easy to let that affect you and so there was a couple bad things that happened but it was like, okay, got this amount of time, you got to get back up and you got to get back to it because the only way you're going to get through it, is to go through it.

Lesley Logan 24:28  

Yeah. Yeah, I mean like that's that is so freakin true. Okay, so you have so many great like little nuggets I think everyone needs to relisten to this because I have to cuz I'm like, "Oh my God, that's a great one." One day to wallow like that needs to be a song. I got one day to wallow ...

Jillian Flodstrom 24:43  

... (Lesley: What was that?) I said I feel like it needs to be on a pillow. (Lesley: Yeah, yeah) ... got like, "One day to wallow. One day to wallow."

Lesley Logan 24:51  

Yeah, you can like and on the other side. It could like maybe you get to like a timer. "Okay, put that pillows gonna get flipped back over tomorrow." (Lesley laughs)

Jillian Flodstrom 24:59  

It's like the sequence that it's like a face, and then you pull it up and it's like something different. There's a product idea right there. Look at that and go.

Lesley Logan 25:06  

Oh, my gosh. Listen to this. I have friggin love it. Okay. So, right now currently, you know we're I guess we're like, heading to the year three of this. But also we're heading to the place where everyone's like, "Okay, how do we like work with this? How do we like get through this? And how do we protect people, but also like, keep going?" And so what are you excited about right now? Is there anything that you are doing to make yourself be the next version of yourself to do whatever's on your goal list? Like, what what are you excited about right now?

Jillian Flodstrom 25:35  

Well, so I plan quarterly and I love that. I mean, if you are not familiar with the 12 week year, it's something that has changed my life. It's a completely different way to look at the year. And I think a lot of people are always like, "Jill, how are you getting all this stuff done?" And it's like, because I'm consistently checking in with those goals, writing those goals, giving myself the freedom to adjust those goals, because that's pretty much what we've had to do over these last couple of years, is adjust, like, test and tweak, you know, making sure that we're making those adjustments that we give ourselves the latitude to do that. But checking in with those goals and say, "Okay, where am I out with this?" Every single day working towards it, and adjusting it, I think makes a huge difference. It's something that I do all the time, and giving myself the freedom to change those goals. It's really been great.

Lesley Logan 26:24  

So you, you, what did you say you do quarterly at the year you're beginning, you pled quarterly? You ple... what do you ...

Jillian Flodstrom 26:30  

Plan quarterly.

Lesley Logan 26:31  

Plan quarterly. Got it. So instead of looking at like, the whole year, of all the things you want to get done, you're like, "Okay, this is this quarters goals." And you then you give yourself permission to adjust.

Jillian Flodstrom 26:41  

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah so ...

Lesley Logan 26:44  

What's your process with that? Like how do you like, because everyone's got one that works for them? I'm always intrigued.

Jillian Flodstrom 26:49  

Yeah, absolutely. So what it does is starts with a brain dump of all these things that are rattling around in my head, and kind of looking at my calendar. So we're mapping out the calendar annually, because, you know, we don't necessarily have trips that we have committed, right? There's certain things whether it's us or our family members that need to do at certain times of the year. So kind of mapping that out. And looking at that and say, "Okay, where can I chunk this down in what quarter." So think of it instead of like a year being 12 months, think of it as 12 weeks. So that means that 12 weeks is a year, a week is a month, and then so on and so forth. And so you really got to move every single day, because when you've only got 12 weeks for your year, that timeframe is so much shorter. And so getting those tasks on your calendar every single day to move that goal forward. So like if you have something that you're like, "Okay, I've got, you know, 12 weeks to do this in, chunking it out down to a daily task." So, I always tell people that, "When you're looking at these tasks, if it's more than two minutes, if it takes you more than two minutes to do it, you've got to chunk it down even farther," because you've got to put it on your calendar, because everybody's got two minutes. But most people don't have two hours to dedicate to a project and not get interrupted. Because, you know, there's so many things flying at us every single day. But you got two minutes, you got two minutes when you're picking up your kids in the carpool lane. You've got two minutes when you're, you know, walking your dog to the dog park, whatever it is, having that short window of time makes a lot less overwhelms, you're like,"Oh, I can knock that out. I got two minutes right now." And so giving yourself that freedom to be like, "Okay, I've got this. I don't have two hours but I got two minutes."

Lesley Logan 28:34  

I love that. That's true. Like, if you can ever get everything down to the smallest smallest piece, then you actually are moving the needle forward because you're not trying to just tackle a project in a day for two hours, because of course you're interrupted and then you can't reschedule that, because were are you going to put two hours? Yeah, I, oh, I'm gonna use that one. Oh, but you're just like a wealth of knowledge. And I am so excited. I can't and there there's so many lovely things in here that I want everyone to listen to again. Okay, Jillian, where can people find you follow you, like get more of this goodness into their brains.

Jillian Flodstrom 29:08  

Definitely check out my website, which is scaleyoursmallbusiness.org. That is definitely the best place to check out because I have on my blog, I have all my podcast episodes. My podcast focuses on short, actionable things. So the episodes are going to be anywhere from five to 10 minutes. And I want people to be able to take those nuggets go out and do them that same day, because I'm focused on doing these small actions every single day. And I think that's how I changed my business, how I changed my life. And anybody can do these small tasks every day. It's really easy. So check out my website. That's the best place to find me.

Lesley Logan 29:43  

And your podcast is Scale Your Small Business as well. (Jillian: Yeah) And it's on everywhere podcasts are? Yeah. (Jillian: Yeah, everywhere. Yeah.) Wonderful. All of those will be in the show notes, y'all. Okay, so BE IT action items. I mean, this is going to be easy for you because you've already given us so many. But what is some thing that's bold, executable, targeted or intrinsic, that motivates people to get taking action today, what do you got for us?

Jillian Flodstrom 30:08  

I think the most important thing is just doing it. So whatever you got written on your list, and most people have a list, if you don't have a list, make one, get yourself a cute notebook. I love stationery. So that is something, find whatever it is, if it's digital paper, whichever side of the fence you're on, get yourself a notebook and write it down. Get in the habit of writing every single thing down because your mind is not equipped for storage. So get it on paper, whether that's just every single day saying, "Okay, these are the things that I'm thinking about." Flip the page to the next day, if it's that, or if you want to make a list, whatever it is, getting that notebook and carrying it with you everywhere, and get in the habit of writing things down. It'll change your life. It'll change your business, it'll literally change everything.

Lesley Logan 31:00  

I love that. I mean, it it's simple is not easy. But ... the just because I think you get you get a lot of feedback, you'll get a lot of information you can feel into it. You're like, "I actually don't like doing this." Great. Now it's off your list. (Lesley laughs) (Jillian: Right) You know, "Oh, my God, this is making me feel so good. Good. Put more of that on your list." I also agree on the writing it down. Even if I can't read my own writing just the fact that like it isn't in my brain anymore. I have a way of like remembering things that I wrote down like I like can think back to even the piece of paper or it's on. So, so I think that's genius and I love that. Jillian, you're awesome. This has been so much fun. And y'all, I'm going to be over on Jillian's podcast. So you'll also want to check that out. And let us know how you're gonna use all these tips that she just like, gave so generously. Tag the @be_it_pod. You can also contact her over at her website, and let us know, screenshot this, send this to a friend because you want to know something like, especially right now everyone is a little overwhelmed. Everything is feeling really busy. And, you know, people are worried because Pluto's here, I don't even know what that means. But like it's returned, and that's a big deal for us. So, so people are just like a little uncertain, a lot overwhelmed. And what I just heard was a bunch of great tips that can actually make you have a little bit more control, a little bit more feeling of that you're actually taking action and reminding people to just do it. So thank you, Jillian for being here. Everyone next ti... until next time, Be It Till You See It.

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review. And follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcasts. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the @be_it_pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others BE IT TILL YOU SEE IT. Have an awesome day!

'Be It Till You See It' is a production of 'As The Crows Fly Media'.

Brad Crowell 32:59  

It's written produced, filmed and recorded by your host Lesley Logan and me, Brad Crowell. Our Associate Producer is Amanda Frattarelli.

Lesley Logan 33:10  

Kevin Perez at Disenyo handles all of our audio editing.

Brad Crowell 33:14  

Our theme music is by Ali at APEX Production Music. And our branding by designer and artist, Gianranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan 33:23  

Special thanks to our designer Jaira Mandal for creating all of our visuals (which you can't see because this is a podcast) and our digital producer, Jay Pedroso for editing all videos each week so you can.

Brad Crowell 33:35  

And to Angelina Herico for transcribing each of our episodes so you can find them on our website. And, finally to Meridith Crowell for keeping us all on point and on time.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

How you treat yourself matters and your actions teach others. Dig into this cheerful convo with Brad and LL today as they jump from kindness to the Time Cube, to goal setting.  

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected] .

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.

In this episode you will learn about:

• OPC’s new team members!
• The difference of Occupational Therapy 
• Determining realistic goals based on your situation 
• Working your way back up 
• Celebrating the things you have already done 
• The importance of a time cube 
• Actions are caught not taught

Episode References/Links:

• Time Cube

OPC Flashcards:

• OPC Flashcards are on Amazon
• OPC Flashcards are on our site

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox.

Resources

• Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube!
• Lesley Logan website
• Be It Till You See It Podcast
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTube
• Profitable Pilates

Social Media

• Instagram
• Facebook
• Tik Tok
• LinkedIn

Episode Transcript:

Lesley Logan 0:01  

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guests will bring Bold, Executable, Intrinsic and Targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.

Welcome back to the Be It Till You See It interview recap where my co host in life, Brad and I are going to talk, we're gonna dig into the cheerful conversation I had with Natasha Caleel in our last episode. If you haven't yet listened to that interview, feel free to pause this now, go back and get cheered up over on the other episode. And then come back and listen to how we decide this episode. Super cheerful. (Brad: Yeah) Yeah. (Brad: Awesome) Okay, so it's been a couple weeks, but we are excited to announce that we actually hired a few people for our team.

Brad Crowell 1:14  

Yeah, we did. (Lesley: So ...) And which is like, amazing, terrifying, exciting, all the things all rolled into one.

Lesley Logan 1:21  

Yeah, it's all those things rolled into one. And I think that's like, everything, like, everything is exciting. And then there's also like, the other side of it. So um, we, Lindsay, my Executive Assistant of four years, she's having a baby or had a baby at this point. (Brad: Yup) And she and her husband decided that she was going to be able to stay at home. Just be a mom, (Brad: Yeah) indefinitely. And so that was so exciting for her.

Brad Crowell 1:47  

Yeah. (Lesley: I'm so excited for her.) And super sad for us.

Lesley Logan 1:49  

I was like, "I'm so excited for you" with tears going down my face. And she had tears going down her face, which just means, you know, anyways, that's how life goes. So we're so happy for her. And it allowed us to put out a job posting. And honestly, I feel like this is the first time we've ever like, done anything like this. (Brad: Yeah) And we, one of the girls, I ended up talking to for a different reason, for OPC membership, and I was like, "This girl be a great assistant for Brad." And he wa... and he was like, "What am I gonna have an assistant do?" And my assistant was like, "Read your email. That's a year and a half to start with." Anyways, because of this big change in our business. It actually made us interview several people. And we're like, "We love all these people for different reasons." (Brad: Yup) So, Sam Hall is our is my new Executive Assistant. And I really love her and she's local. I've never had an assistant on the same timezone as me.

Brad Crowell 2:44  

Yeah, or the same anything (Lesley: I know) like she's in the same city.

Lesley Logan 2:47  

She's in the same city. Should we go to the same people? (Brad: Yeah) And all the same things. So that's fun. And Brad has an assistant.

Brad Crowell 2:55  

Yeah, Tika joined the team. And she doesn't live in Las Vegas but that's okay. We are the same timezone at least. She's in Southern California. And that it's it's actually, it's exciting. It's exciting to have someone that I can kind of pow-wow priorities with and just talk through different situations, and then also ask her to handle some of the things that you know, normally I've tried to get to, but I might not actually get to. So that's been really, it's, it's new, it's new, so it's good.

Lesley Logan 3:32  

I'm excited for you. And then we brought on this amazing woman named Kamilah, and she's in Texas, and she has actually been following our videos for a really long time. And she is super awesome. And loves Pilates and loves what we do. And she is helping us with our flashcard sales, which is really exciting because those cards need to be in every shelf. (Brad: Every... they need to be in everywhere) I want to go to every shelf, I want to see them in every bookstore, I want to see them in every shop because especially those mat ones, everybody needs these cards ... If you, if you're listeners and you're heard on my cards, you need my cards.

Brad Crowell 4:04  

But yeah, so basically this this rolls right into the qu... the listener question and that's kind of why we started talking about the new team. Someone asked, "I heard that those cards are available for wholesale, how does that work?" And ... (Lesley: How does that work?) How does that work? So actually, we we brought on Kamilah to focus on exactly that. And if if you are interested, if it's interesting to you to have these cards in your whether you have a studio or like a shop (Lesley: a shop) or any of that kind of stuff.

Lesley Logan 4:40  

So your friend has a shop, (dog noise) (and thank you Gaia) and also like hello UK, Europe. I have so many clients (Brad: Right) for you. (Brad: Yeah) So basically when you're a wholesaler you get to buy them at a different price than we sell them retail. Then you sell them retail and you make the profit which is really fun for you. And the truth is because these cards can be shipped all over the world. The shipping isn't is sometimes more than the cards, but if somebody buys them wholesale, the shipping is actually much cheaper when you buy in bulk, and then you get to resell them to your people or we'll send your people because I send our Australian, Canadian dealers, clients all the time.

Brad Crowell 5:17  

Yep, in New Zealand, same same story. (Lesley: Yeah, yeah) So, you know, anyway, we there will be a link in the show notes if you are interested in connecting with Kamilah and you can actually just fill out your information and then the two of you can hop on a call and figure out how does all this work? You know, to actually wholesale the flashcards and when this, well, we will have while the Mat and the Reformer flashcards are out and then we are very close for the Cadillac ...

Lesley Logan 5:46  

Yeah, you can preorder the Cadillac if (Brad: Yeah) you were wholesaling. We have, we yeah, so those are, those are all happening and they should be in a store that you have or near you. So if you know someone also send them to Kamilah. (Brad: Yes) Anyways (Brad: I love it) Yeah, it's (Brad: Cool) a great question. Thanks for asking that. And welcome to the team, y'all. I, it is like so crazy. It is so crazy. (Brad laughs) Like, I was going through, Brad's going, I was training Sam. And I was like, "Here, let's go to the people on the team. So you know, like, who does what?" And then I was going through and there's like five names like, I actually don't know who these people are. (Brad laughs) That's a little embarrassing on your first call with your new boss. I'm gonna assume we just, they must do our taxes, all the taxes, taxes, taxes. (Lesley laughs) I just gave everyone the tax job. I mean ...

Brad Crowell 6:33  

We have 35 accountants. What? (Brad laughs)

Lesley Logan 6:35  

Yeah, yeah. But at any rate, like we have some incredible people that have joined this family. And people stay a really long time. And I'm really proud of us for that. I'm proud of the family that we build, (Brad: Yeah) the team we build and like the mission we're all working towards. And it is really cool to have people want to be part and support that mission. And (Brad: Yeah) I'm ex... excited for you. You might be in inbox only 3000 instead of 37,000. Giving me a heart attack.

Brad Crowell 7:01  

Yeah. Good things, it's already begun to change. So that's, that's kind of actually amazing as well. Okay, let's talk about Natasha Caleel. (Lesley: Yeah) A mother, Occupational Therapist and self starter who combined her expertise to specialize in prenatal and postpartum health. Natasha is now the owner of Fit Mama Santa Barbara, helping women embrace their strength and feel strong, confident, feel confident in their own skin.

Lesley Logan 7:31  

You know what? I just realized we're gonna have two Santa Barbara ladies on around the same time. So (Brad: Oh) yeah, we have (Brad: so cool) another Santa Barbara lady coming up. It was amazing. So ...

Brad Crowell 7:40  

I love that. (Lesley: Yeah) Well, one thing right out of the gate that I thought was really cool was her brief, I'm just inserting my own talking point here. I'm off (Lesley: That's fine) script, everybody. (Brad laughs) (Lesley: We rarely stick to the script.) Yeah, I know, it's a, it's just a guideline, you know, life, life lifes. (Lesley: We're having a good time.) You know we are having a good time. (Brad and Lesley laughs) (Lesley: Get out of my brain.) So she said, "An occupational therapist, as opposed to a physical therapist." And I thought, I thought, wow, I didn't even know. (Lesley: There's a difference.) I heard of them. I heard of them. But I don't think I ever really thought like, "Oh, what, what is the difference until it was pointed out?"

Lesley Logan 8:14  

I really thought it was like a therapist who went to your work like ... (Lesley laughs)

Brad Crowell 8:18  

Yeah. And I think I, so the way she described it was that an Occupational Therapist considers your environment that you're in. (Lesley: Yeah) Right. So it's not just like, what's wrong with the muscle that's in your shoulder or whatever. But, you know, do you have to, you know, lift your plates down from the top shelf and use that shoulder? Like, they help you in a, in reshape the environment that you're in, in addition to or focusing on your body.

Lesley Logan 8:44  

Yeah. And so like, you know, you you could maybe, maybe there's your lower back hurts because you keep reaching up on this one shelf. And so, you know, they you would be if you were just going to a ther... like a Physical Therapist, they would just work on your back. (Brad: Right) They would keep reaching up that top shelf, and then the Occupational Therapy like, "Oh, why are your plates there? Maybe we should put your plates over here." (Brad: Yeah) You know, or, "Let's get you a stepladder or let's strengthen this connection so that you can reach those plates (Brad: Yeah) because maybe you ..."

Brad Crowell 9:11  

Or call your, your your growing 14 year old and be like, "Get the plates instead of me." (Brad laughs)

Lesley Logan 9:16  

Yeah, yeah. So yeah, I think it's, I think it's so cool. We keep learning about different people. Like there's so many jobs out there. So many things you can be in this planet. But um, I think it's really cool. I think there should be more people thinking holistically about everything that you're doing, because it's (Brad: Yeah) really difficult. And I mean, like, just that leads into what I love, which is like determining realistic goals based on your situation. You know, I just did a talk, the time we recording this, where about habits and I was in Boulder City, I was about habits and I was like, "Who here has like a like a thing that they're wanting to do?" And everyone raise their hand and I'm like, "Okay, so on a scale of one to 10 raise your hand if your ability to do that is above a seven." Ba ba ba ba ba down.

Brad Crowell 9:59  

No one raise their hand?

Lesley Logan 10:00  

No, because I said, "Yeah, because everybody wants to do something that's bigger than they can do. But your goal actually has to be something that you actually have a chance of doing. It should be a little bit of a stretch." And so this one girl, she said, "I want to be a morning person." And I said, "Wow, that's amazing. What does a morning person do in your opinion?" And she said, "Oh, okay, I'm going to get up, and I'm going to go for a walk. And I'm going to sit and meditate. And I'm going to read a book, and I'm going to, like, taken like, the morning, I was gonna, like, ease into it." And I'm like, "Wow, how much time do you think that is?" She just like, "I think two to three hours." I said, "Okay. (Brad: Wow) So co.. if I, if I said, set your alarm three hours early tomorrow, could you do it?" And she was like, "Oh, no." And I'm like, "That can't so the goal of being a morning person is not realistic. But the goal of maybe getting up and going for a walk. (Brad: Right) It how much time do you want to go for a walk?" She's like, "20 minutes." I said, "Okay, so if I ask you to get a ..." (Brad: So it was 20 minutes realistic.) 20 minutes. Yeah. So like, really, it's really important. I think a lot of us set ourselves up for failure from the get go with our goals, and then we are, and then we are, then we, because we do that, then it's like one more thing we didn't do. But it's like, if we actually set a realistic goal, we can achieve that. Oh, that means you'll get excited. You'll celebrate I've sensing a theme here this month. And then you can set the next goal. And you'll be you'll feel stronger and more confident going into it.

Brad Crowell 11:22  

Right. Wow. That's yeah, I think that the the, the three hour thing could still be a goal, but a long term goal, right? (Lesley: Mm-hmm) That's like something you can do in six months to a year. But what smaller, you know, bites, can you take out of that goal to get there. (Lesley: Yeah) Right? So the 20 minutes now that that seems achievable and actually it's it's it is achievable, and you can then celebrate that, and that can be a win, and then you maintain that win for a while. And then maybe you get up 40 minutes earlier, you know, instead of only 20 minutes earlier. Right. So that you can add the meditation in as well.

Lesley Logan 12:01  

Yeah, so and also you just get a, you get used to it. You're there's less like grogginess, you get mentally... it's just easier to set more realistic goals based on the situation you're in right now. (Brad: Hmm) You know, when I had a broken leg, I couldn't go, okay, when my leg is like, I can't go, "Okay, I'm going to start running." That's not realistic goal I could want to run, I could, you know, but I have to understand that like, my leg was a lot of weight on it. (Brad: Sure) What were some fitness goals I could do at that time. So just being honest with yourself. And so you're, you're not resentful of the situation you're in instead, you're actually seeing what is possible.

Brad Crowell 12:35  

Well, you definitely have just strayed into my territory of (Lesley: Okay) what I really loved.

Lesley Logan 12:41  

I like to dabble. (Brad: Yeah) (Brad laughs)

Brad Crowell 12:43  

She, Natasha said that there was major changes that she didn't expect when after she had her baby. I mean, she knew obviously, there will be changes, right? But she said, menta... mentally and physically, she had made the assumption that she would just like, "Get back on the horse afterwards, and like be good to go." And then realize that's not feasible to just like jump back to 100%. She had to work her way back up now is pretty funny, because we just had a really great conversation about running in ... (Lesley: two episode to go) Yeah, couple pods back and the idea of changes and postpartum I'm going to make the parallel to starting a new or having an injury just like you were talking about with your knee. And you know, when you she actually mentioned an injury as well. So like, if you were playing football all the time, and then, you know, you hurt your back really bad. You know, you're not going to be able to get back out there and just go full steam again, just like you used to, you got to work your way back up to it. And when you were talking about running you you mentioned that every because it's Vegas, and it gets like insanely hot here. You've actually stopped running for months (Lesley: Yeah) every year. (Lesley: Yeah) Right. And then when you start again, you can't just like run for miles, it doesn't happen. Right? (Lesley: No) So you got to actually, you said you are picking an incremental point, just like we were just talking about realistic goals. Okay, so that incremental point is, is like, only maybe six blocks, maybe that's like a half a mile or something, you know, so "Okay, so I'm going to run half mile, and then I'm gonna walk the remaining path," (Lesley: Yeah) you know, and then maybe a month later, you can add another half mile to it. (Lesley: Yeah) And now you're running a mile and then you're walking, you know, two or three miles after that, and then slowly, you're increasing your amount so that you can get back to (Lesley: Yeah) full steam.

Lesley Logan 14:37  

And then just you know, the increase is compounding because typically, you would only should increase your distance in your cardio about 10% a week. So 10% does not go on a lot that first week if you're only doing six bucks. (Brad: Right) But then the second week now that 10% is compounded, right? So and by the way, we're not saying (Brad: Mat) that if you're (Brad: Yeah) postpartum that that is like the same as an injury it's not but like it is a transition in your life and in your body. And I do like that she brought up mentally and physically because I think whether or not you will ever be postpartum that's not you know, in my cards, but I would, I think we assume that when something happens that either happens physically to us or mentally to us, but the two are very interconnected.

Brad Crowell 15:23  

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. All right.

Lesley Logan 15:26  

So cool. We love you Natasha. Okay, BE IT action item.

Brad Crowell 15:31  

Finally. You just steal my ... yeah (Lesley: I, you don't have script ...) Finally, let's talk about the BE IT action items that you have... Alright. Alright. So finally, let's talk about those BE IT action items that you have wiht Natasha Caleel. What bold, executable, intrinsic or targeted action items can we take away from your convo with her?

Lesley Logan 15:47  

Are you going to jump in or you want me to jump in?

Brad Crowell 15:51  

I'm gonna jump in. (Lesley: Okay) So I'm gonna I'm jumping in because I picked two. (Brad laughs)

Lesley Logan 15:56  

I see that. I can see, I was like, "Um, what?" You started off script today. You just were like, "I'm just like ... (Brad: I'm taking over.) If anyone knows the four tendencies, such a rebel here, such a rebel.

Brad Crowell 16:07  

Brad's cactus show. (Lesley: Mm-hmm) Oh, we're not talking about that. I know. (Lesley: No, no.) Okay, okay. So first off, I thought this was hilarious because apparently, this is something you do too. Natasha said, you know, when she sits down to do her to do list, she actually writes down all the things she already did, that were like floating around in her head. And then she writes them down and immediately checks them all off. And she's (Lesley: Yeah) like, "Look at all these wins, I just have."

Lesley Logan 16:31  

... I mean, oh, my God, hello, I'm recovering overachiever over here. So like, I do it, especially on the days where like, (Brad laughs) I didn't check off. And I'm like, "You know what I also did, though, I did all of these. I drank my green juice. I made the coffee. I I fed the dogs." I like things that like I just put them on there. They're not on a to do list because I just do them. But if I if I'm needing a little extra, and my celebration ...

Brad Crowell 16:53  

A liitle boost. (Lesley: Yeah) Yeah. So I thought that was really funny. And I mean, why not? You know, because it allows you to kind of evaluate what you did this morning or that day or that week or whatever. And, and again, celebration is key. Right? So checking those things off is like a micro dose of I don't know what is happening in your brain exactly. But you're micro dosing. (Lesley: Yeah) So, (Lesley: micro dosing dopamine, that's what you're doing) Yeah, all those things. And and it's, it's a, it's very valuable. So the the actual thing I picked was setting a timer. (Lesley: Yeah) And, you know, you definitely mentioned, "Oh, Brad's gonna love this one." Because you're right, I actually love the idea of, I'm like, semi competitive, competitive when I when when it counts, but my, my ...

Lesley Logan 17:43  

He is not competitive at the gym.

Brad Crowell 17:45  

I've given, I've given that up like a long, long time ago, because I was so competitive, that it would shut me down and I would literally burst into tears as like a 10 year old, 15 year old, I would, I would like if we lost it was like, crushing for me. And then I it was really hard to get back on the horse. So took me a long time to let go of that intensity of competition. However, what I've, what I've found with this timer, is that it becomes a little mini race for me, you know, of like, "Okay, I've got 30 minutes and I got 75 emails. How many can I get through in 30 minutes? Go." Right And it keeps me focused because I have ADD of ADD, ADHD, I have all the Ds, all of them. And the... if I know I have a timer, I got all the Ds. If I know I have a timer, I actually unconscious of that. It keeps me coming back to my emails because what would normally happen... Yeah, is I go down this like crazy rabbit trail, you know, where I'm like a startup like, "Oh, an email comes in. Alright, makes me think of this thing. I got to do the thing." And then I'll just like, "Hoop. I'm no longer my email." I am like, down the path. Right? And having that timer in front of me, counting down is like, how quickly can I get like maybe I, maybe that's the thing I need to put on my list to do tomorrow. And I'm just gonna stay in my email and stay focused.

Lesley Logan 19:04  

Yeah, I you can set a timer for everything. I remember being a kid and my mom was like, "Okay, five minute pick up" and she'd set a timer and we would all be in the living room. And in five minutes, we'd see how much we could clean. And all if you have five people cleaning the living room in five minutes. It's clean. (Brad: Yeah) It's over. It's done and everyone's racing. And then it's like, "Okay, let's go into the kitchen five minutes." And it's such a like, it is a little mini. I mean, my whole family is competitive. So there's that but I and also this should be a timer, you can see. (Brad: Yeah) Because it does keep your focus if it is on your phone, it is likely that you will see another notification while (Brad: Right) you set your timer. So but ...

Brad Crowell 19:41  

Yeah, we are proponents of the time cube and we'll (Lesley: time cube) put a link in the show notes for the time cube and we we just love like, I love it because it's it's like it's substantial. It's actually like a cube that sits on my desk and it you know, like boop and blinks and beeps at me. (Lesley: And the beep is like ...) Wait, how's it like? (Lesley: ...) Brad laughs)

Lesley Logan 20:05  

It's really loud. (Brad: It sounded like a dog.) You know what it sounds like? I know. I ca... Well, I'm not like a, I'm not that guy from like cop show. What was that cop show from the 80s? (Brad: I don't know) Police Academy. (Brad: Oh.) There's this guy who could like make sound with his voice and it can make it sound a police siren. Anyways, it sounds like the chirping that your fire alarm, your smoke detector does at three in the morning when you're ...

Brad Crowell 20:27  

You're making it sound so appealing. Yeah, yeah. (Brad laughs)

Lesley Logan 20:30  

Right. It makes you move. (Brad: It makes you move.) You're like, you like go click and you move on to the next thing. It's like it's like pulls you out of the flow. It's great. It's like a pop out. Okay, my biggest takeaway is "be a little kinder to yourself." Y'all, (Brad: Love that) you have to be kind yourself. If you're not kind yourself, especially my mom and pops out there. I promise you your kids ... (Brad: mamas and the papas) Yeah, I promise you, your kids are noticing that you're not. (Brad: Hmm) I know this, because ...

Brad Crowell 20:58  

They might not even realize that they're noticing it, but they are.

Lesley Logan 21:01  

So um, so I mentioned in another episode that I spoke at, in Boulder City about habits. And so there's like all these small business owners there. It was a very, it was really cool. It was a really cool thing. And way to go the studio BC because you guys rocked that it was you know, events like that are hard. But anyways, one of the moms there came up to me afterwards. And she's like, "Thank you for your talk. My daughter was like, Are you taking notes, you should be taking notes, or you listen to what she's saying, you should be doing this. You need to be taking care of yourself ... (Brad: Wow) things." And she said, I said, "Yeah, your daughter needs to see you do that because she needs to know that she should do it too when she's older. When she's a mom, or she's taking care of people." (Brad: Yeah) So if you are not kind to yourself, I promise you actions are caught not taught, you're literally talk... you're literally showing people how they should treat you, and how they should treat themselves. And so, you know, if I just if everybody was like a little kinder themselves, you would act like you, you might even think you're a very kind person. But if I actually printed out like your transcript of your brain, I bet you is not so nice. But if you're kinder to you, it's so much easier to be kinder to other people, because you're not resenting how much kindness you're spreading. (Brad: Yeah) Because you gave some to you first. So ...

Brad Crowell 22:16  

Yeah, I think also goes back to the changes from postpartum mentally and physically, like, as you're getting back on the horse, be kind to yourself.

Lesley Logan 22:23  

Yeah, especial... Oh, my goodness, I, you know, I hope that all the women having babies right now are living in a different time where like, we have demystified that like you have a baby. And then a week later, you have your pre baby body back. I hope that we live in that time ... (Brad: That's not how it works.) No. But I think you know, whether you're like whether it's during your pregnancy or after, like, goes back to have realistic goals, be kind to yourself, set goals that are realistic, that doesn't mean like it's not a goal, just because you can actually achieve it is like that's a good thing. Go work on that. And be kind to yourself and just with your expectations on on your body and what you can do, like, don't put 50 things in a day, if you know, you can only do 25.

Brad Crowell 23:14  

So guilty of that.

Lesley Logan 23:15  

You really are. So Brad, be a little kinder to yourself. (Brad: Okay) Okay. I'm Lesley Logan.

Brad Crowell 23:22  

And I'm Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 23:23  

Thank you so much for joining us today. And I'm just so grateful for Natasha and women like her and what they're doing in this world. How are you going to use these tips in your life? Let us know by screenshotting this, putting the takeaway on that and tagging Natasha, and the @be_it_pod so that we can also celebrate you and cheer you on.

We actually will celebrate (Lesley: Oh) with you by the way. (Lesley: I love celebrating with people.) Like PS. (Lesley: I frickin love celebrate with people.) Like you can tag us and we are humans. We are here.

All of our retreaters are tagging me and like they're like wins, like they're doing, "I'm like doing a rock right now. I'm doing my gemstones. I like did this. I got seven new clients." And I'm like, like, "This is so amazing." So I promise you, whether you're a stranger or someone I know, if you tag this podcast with your takeaways. I will encourage you, I will celebrate with you because I know how, I know that an extra step. (Brad: Yeah) I know that is putting out into the ethers like this is what I'm going to do, which makes you be a little bit more accountable to it. But also I want to, I want to help you, I want to celebrate you being kind yourself. So let us know. Tag the pod and we'll catch you on the next episode. Until next time, Be It Till You See It.

Brad Crowell 24:27  

Bye for now.

Lesley Logan 24:30  

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review. And follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcasts. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the @be_it_pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others BE IT TILL YOU SEE IT. Have an awesome day!

'Be It Till You See It' is a production of 'As The Crows Fly Media'.

Brad Crowell 25:03  

It's written, produced, filmed and recorded by your host Lesley Logan and me, Brad Crowell. Our Associate Producer is Amanda Frattarelli.

Lesley Logan 25:14  

Kevin Perez at Disenyo handles all of our audio editing.

Brad Crowell 25:18  

Our theme music is by Ali at APEX Production Music. And our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan 25:27  

Special thanks to our designer Jaira Mandal for creating all of our visuals (which you can't see because this is a podcast) and our digital producer, Jay Pedroso for editing all video each week so you can.

Brad Crowell 25:39  

And to Angelina Herico for transcribing each of our episodes so you can find them on our website. And, finally to Meridith Crowell for keeping us all on point and on time.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

In any period of change that takes place, rebuilding and accepting where you are is HARD. This episode with Natasha Caleel helps not only new mothers, but individuals who are working to feel comfortable and strong in their new reality. 

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected] .

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.

In this episode you will learn about:

• The changes from postpartum: mentally and physically 
• Determining realistic goals based on your situation
• Opportunities that can turn into permission
• Healing for self growth and discovering the new you
• Organizing your time 

Episode References/Links:

• IG
• Website

Guest Bio:

Natasha Caleel is a licensed Occupational Therapist, Women’s health coach and the owner of Fit Mama Santa Barbara. She coaches women both locally and online to help them embrace their strength and feel strong and confident their own skin. She specializes in prenatal and postpartum exercise and injury rehabilitation.

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox.

Resources

• Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube!
• Lesley Logan website
• Be It Till You See It Podcast
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTube
• Profitable Pilates

Social Media

• Instagram
• Facebook
• LinkedIn

Episode Transcript:

Lesley Logan 0:01  

Hello, Be It babe. Welcome back to the Be It Till You See It Podcast. I'm so excited. I have a dear friend Natasha Caleel here. She is incredible. Ladies, this one is for you, especially my mama's out there. If you're not a mom, I hope you still listen because I found it to be very refreshing. I actually found lots of it, things that we can apply to ourselves, because it doesn't matter if you are a mom or not. For some reason, women, we put a lot of pressure on ourselves, like a lot, to do a lot of things perfectly, to be all these things and like, it's really easy to lose yourself in the work or the people that depend on you, whether they're little ones or partners, and team members. So so please listen to this, because the advice she has is something that anyone can use. And she's such a joyous, generous human being. And I, for you, women out there with little ones, I hope you check out the workouts that she has. So it's, you know, I... It's amazing to me, the all the different things that we can go out there and do. Like, growing up, I never could be a podcaster because it didn't exist. And so I can see like how it's really funny when people ask, "What you want to be when you grow up? It's like, "Did you always want to be that when you grew up?" It's like, a lot of things that we're all doing didn't even exist 10 years ago. And so it's funny how we think that life has to be linear, when like, it's not like it's actually not in any way. And so you'll see with Natasha story that it isn't linear. But it all adds up to like what she's created for herself, to help women around her. And I share that and I point that out. And I really want you to listen to that. Because if you're feeling stuck, if you're feeling like, "Okay, but I did this thing over here. And I did this thing over here. I did this thing over here. And none of those things connect." I bet they do. I bet there's actually a common thread that you can bring in there. Because it's you, you're already the common thread. But also like there's a skill set that each one of those gives you that you can create something so unique, that really is solving a problem that someone has, and honestly, if you can solve people's problems, you can do anything. Right? Like it's really like that's what people want. They just want to problem be solved. No, we all have obstacles no matter who we are. So, well, I'll stop talking, you're gonna listen to Natasha, she's amazing. And let us know how these tips and her story helps your life by tagging us on the @be_it_pod. And here's Natasha.

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast, where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guests will bring Bold, Executable, Intrinsic and Targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.

Hello Be It babes. I've got my friend Natasha Caleel here. Y'all, like I've just, I met this woman in a room hotel (Lesley and Natasha laughs) situation. And like, we go around, everyone's talking about what they do like in a sentence and like an interesting fact about them. And I just was obsessed with what you do and your passion on this planet because you really are here to help so many women. So I knew I wanted to be friends with you. And we continue to get to hang out together. I get to see her next week in LA in real life, which is so fun. (Natasha: I know. I'm so excited.) I just really anytime I can be in person with people. I'm like, "Oh..." That is an introvert. But that's because I've been inside so long. I'm like, "The introvert is ready... (Natasha: Let me out.) Let me out." So Natasha, can you tell everyone, who you are and what you're doing these days?

Natasha Caleel 3:43  

Yeah, of course. So I am the owner of Fit Mama Santa Barbara. I coach women both locally and online. And I help them really embrace their strength and feel strong and confident in their own skin. My background is as an occupational therapist, and I'm now working as a woman's health coach specializing in prenatal and postpartum.

Lesley Logan 4:02  

That is so cool. That is so cool. So okay, so did you start off as occupational therapist and then get into like, Fit Mama, like, or is it the other way around? Like you're helping women in postpartum? (Natasha: So...) And then you became like, how did it start?

Natasha Caleel 4:16  

No. Yeah, so it's really interesting. So I actually, my undergrad was in Kinesiology. So I worked as a personal trainer all through school, you know, that's what I kind of was doing for a while. And then I went back to school to become an occupational therapist, and started my career was really into that. And then I had my daughter. And obviously, that changes the whole narrative. (Lesley laughs) it's all of a sudden, I realized, like, "Oh, man, like, I can't just jump right back into all the exercise I was doing. Like, there is a lot of rehab stuff that needs to go on here." So that's why my business started and I've been able to kind of blend that therapy side with the personal training and really help women heal their core from the inside out and work on all those healthy habits to really get you bent back into a routine after having a kid.

Lesley Logan 4:16  

Yeah. And I love that. It's like, you know, from necessity you created it? (Lesley laughs) (Natasha: Oh, absolutely. Yeah.) I think that like a lot of people get stuck on like what to do. And it's like, actually, it's like the thing that you probably think everyone is doing. But you figured it out like. (Lesley and Natasha laughs) Right?

Natasha Caleel 5:20  

Well, and the thing was so crazy. Like, after I had my kid, I started looking at places locally, and I'm like, "Okay, there's got to be people here doing postpartum exercise." And at the time, there really weren't that many people. So I was like, "Well, I guess I'm doing it. Here we go."

Lesley Logan 5:36  

Okay, so have you always been a self starter? Or is that like, just because you were like, "I really used to be fit and felt confident in my body and now I don't." And so you're on a mission like or ...

Natasha Caleel 5:46  

Um, a little bit of both. I've definitely always been a very independent, like, forward driving person. (Lesley: Yeah) So, I think that personality type mix with having something that I saw a need for. That's why that was kind of born. So,

Lesley Logan 6:02  

So you know, can we talk a little bit about ... I mean, like, if you're listening, you're not pre postnatal right now. (Natasha laughs) Take this as information and there'll be some more things here. But I'm curious because I am not one of those. But I have seen women change. I've had clients who are pre postnatal, (Natasha: Mm-hmm) like, you know, of course, like with my limited expertise, been able to work with them. But, you know, what I've seen is like, there is like a lack of confidence, or there's almost like, it's almost like they feel foreign in the body (Natasha: Yeah) that there. So can you talk about like, what, what happens to a woman postpartum that is kind of making this feeling happen? Because you said like, you're like, "I'm just gonna go back to working out the way it was." And you're like, "Oh, that doesn't. That's not working." So talk about like, (Natasha: Totally) what's that process? Like, and why is it affecting women that way?

Natasha Caleel 6:52  

Yeah, absolutely. And I think a lot of the things actually do carry over to other clientele as well. So it's the same principles that apply if you're recovering from an injury, or maybe something happened where you had to take time off from exercise. And getting back into it is no longer just, "Okay, I just need to go back to the gym." We both know, there's a lot of mindset work behind that, a lot of physical recovery and building back up that strength and endurance. And so that's a lot of the same things that apply with the postpartum clients as well. So, I find the number one thing that is so hard for all my clients is that mindset shift of you no longer are just responsible for yourself. So prior to having a kid, and I know this, and it's something I never even really thought about that deeply. I was like, "Oh, I go to the gym after work. That's what I do." And all of a sudden, it's like, "Well, now I have to pick up my kid from preschool, and make it home and make dinner and clean up and do all these things." So I no longer I'm just focused on me. And so I think that's been a big part of my teaching with my clients is finding out a way to make exercise and make healthy living work for you in your current situation. Right?

Lesley Logan 8:05  

Yeah. Yeah, cuz what also changes, right because, like, (Natasha: Absolutely) and changes for anyone, whether I don't have a kid, but like, all of a sudden, my dog had his paw wrapped up. And so (Natasha: Right) now I have to carry him to the backyard,(Natasha: Oh, my gosh) to go the bathroom because homeboy refuse to walk on it. (Lesley laughs) (Natasha: Oh, my gosh) So carry the 50 pound dog out. Then I need to carry the 50 pound dog and and I have to help on the end, like so your routine can change and for any reason. (Natasha: Oh, absolutely.) And so what I do find interesting, though, with parents is that like it, it's almost like the pendulum swings the other way. So they (Natasha: Mm-hmm) go from being so like, "I'm about me, and I'm taking care of me" and maybe your partner and like your job to like, "Well, now I'm all about the baby." Because (Natasha: Yes) obviously the baby can't (Natasha: Yeah) do it for itself. So that's fine. (Natasha laughs) But like, there's almost like no, "I" anymore. There's no self thing and like so how do you help them with that? Because this is like, I feel like people look at me like I'm a crazy person, like, "You actually have to put your mask on first." That's what they say at the airport. (Natasha: Absolutely) (Lesley laughs)

Natasha Caleel 8:34  

Well, it's so true. And I think making people realize that it doesn't have to be perfect. And I know this is something that you talk about a lot. And I really tried to drive home with my clients. Like, even if you only have 10 minutes to do something, that's great. There's still 10 minutes more than you were going to do at all. So you know if you are going into a workout routine, and you're like, "Okay, I'm going to sign up for this exercise class. And I'm gonna go five days a week, and it's an hour and a half out of my day, every day." You're never going to be able to do that. (Lesley: Right) So what can you do instead? So what's like a realistic goal that you can stick with? It's all about consistency. We all know, in order to reach our goals, we got to be consistent. So what can you do that's going to keep you consistent so that you're not flip flopping back and forth between feeling guilty about not being able to do things and then like doing things for a short while and then completely falling off track. So I think with just parenthood in general, it's being a little bit kinder to yourself. And I found this even with work, where I'm like, "Okay, some weeks, my daughter requires a whole lot of my attention." And I might not get everything done on my checklist. And that's okay. It can always be carried over to the next week.

Lesley Logan 10:14  

Right. All right, well, that's it. Like, unless you're listening to this and you are like some sort of surgeon and people need your surgery ... (Natasha: Right, yeah) Today, the mo... the majority of us everything can can have a little bit of a leeway. And I'm someone who sets a deadline sooner, so that I do have room to push it (Nastasha: Yeah...) back. (Lesley laughs) (Natasha: Totally. I know. Oh man.) But you have to know yourself. So um, so when when you work with women on on this, like, are you doing nutritional help, like training help? Is it more mindset or or as a holistic? Like, what do you find is like the best way to help women in this, in their postpartum need.

Natasha Caleel 10:50  

Yeah, definitely, I feel so if you know anything about occupational therapy. So occupational therapy really looks at the whole person. So it's looking at the person, the environment and the things that they have to do in their daily life. So I really use those principles in my training, because if we're just working on the person, and you're not addressing any of the other things, you're going to have some setbacks there.

Lesley Logan 11:12  

Oh, this is fascinating, because I don't think people know the difference between occupational therapy and like physical therapy, because when you go to physical therapy, like, (Natasha: Yeah) at least my experiences, like they work, I went to physical therapy after I broke my leg. (Natasha: Mm-hmm) And, and the guy's like, "Yeah, I don't think it's your leg that is the problem. I think it's your back. So we have to go back to the doctor to talk about that." And I was like ... (Natasha: Oh, no.) Oh, my God. (Lesley and Natasha laughs)

Natasha Caleel 11:32  

Great. You're like, "Can you just fix my leg that's why I'm here."

Lesley Logan 11:35  

What the heck? So you're, so occupational therapy is very holistic, you're looking at all of it to make it (Natasha: Yeah) okay.

Natasha Caleel 11:42  

So a lot of times, I'll give an example because it is a super common question. People are like, "Wait a second, like, what's the difference." So if I go to someone's home, for example, and they have a broken leg. I'm going to look at the bathroom setup. I'm going to look at their environment. I'm going to look at the support that they have at home, in addition to working with the person, one on one with their exercises, and all the other things. So it's more, you're looking at the person, but then you're looking at everything else around them, as opposed to the physical therapist will come in and be like, "Okay, I'm going to look at these muscles in this range of motion. And this is exactly what we need to work on."

Lesley Logan 12:16  

So fascinating. Everyone should be an occupational therapist as well ... (Natasha laughs) But like, it's true, because that's, that's something as a habits coach, you know, we both (Natasha: Mm-hmm) talk to people on habits, like when people say, "I'm going to work out everyday for an hour." And I'm like, "Okay, that's, do you have the ability ..." Like (Natasha: Yeah) that's the first question, "Do you have the ability (Natasha: Yeah) to work out for an hour?" You know, so if most people don't like, for me to have time to work out for an hour straight? (Natasha: Yeah, it's a lot.) It's a lot like we have, as a family, we go and work out at a place and it is an hour and 15 minutes of our time, because we we (Natasha: Right) literally five minutes before, hope, we don't get a train. (Lesley laughs) (Natasha: Yeah... exactly) We get there and it's an hour and we do it as a family. And it's fun, it's fun, something we do as a family. (Natasha: I love that.) But I couldn't do it. I wouldn't have that time for just myself. Because like so I break mine up that's my workouts like 20 minutes at piece, you know, cuz I (Natasha: Yeah) get 20 minutes for myself. So I do think that most people don't focus on ability. And I love that you do that? Because you're like, "Okay, is the bathroom even able for you to move around in here with your crutches or whatever and ..." (Natasha: Totally) What if we... (Natasha: Totally) Wouldn't it be cool if we all do that in our life with everything we're like, about to do? It's like, "Do I have the ability? Is my house set up? Is my schedule set up?" Like what... (Natasha: Right) Yeah, okay, super cool. So, um, so when you, when did you start? I guess wondering, like, what made you draw and get drawn into an occupational therapy? And like, how did you start to see like, "I can do this and use it at everything that I do."

Natasha Caleel 13:41  

So this is actually I did not come to this revelation until I actually started working with women and was doing the postpartum personal training. Like when I first started with that, I was really focused just on the physical. So I was focused on healing people's core, that was what I was doing, I was going to help them close their diastasis recti, I was gonna help them with their pelvic floor and that was it. But then as you know, as you start coaching people, one on one, all these other things come up. And that's when I started to see all the similarities. I'm like, "Well, wait a second, like, this is the stuff I used to do with my old people with occupational therapy. And now I'm implementing the same strategies just in a whole different light." So really working in like, you know, with my occupational therapy clients, we're talking about habits, we're talking about creating routine and like finding structure in your day so that you can get in your therapy exercises so that you can do the things that you need to do throughout the day. And all of a sudden, I was talking about all the same things, but in relation to being a mother. (Lesley: Yeah) So that's how that kind of got blended and overlapped.

Lesley Logan 14:42  

See, I love this because I feel like a lot of people get stuck on like the, "Who am I? And I didn't have this." And like you, didn't get (Natasha: Yes) you know what I mean? Like, like, whatever ... (Natasha: I didn't sure with much of a plan to tell you that truth.) (Natasha laughs) Right? People think there has to be a plan and then it should (Natasha: Yeah) be linear and like, you know, you and I both run our own companies and so we're very aware, how not linear it is. (Natasha: Yes) (Natasha and Lesley laughs) (Natasha: ...) Yeah, yeah, yeah I think, you know, it's so good for people to hear from another woman who is a mom that like, there wasn't much of a plan, and you kind of like started over here, and then you got drawn over to this point. And then you took a little bit of that. And you know, I think that can be really freeing and inspirational for people to hear, because it's like, I just don't, I don't know, who starts out exactly doing what they want to do. And they're still I find that to be very rare.

Natasha Caleel 15:29  

Oh and it keeps, and it keeps evolving too because I find over I've been doing this now for eight years. So I started when my daughter was born, she's going to be almost eight this year. And it's really evolved over that time, because my clients have evolved, and I've evolved. So now I'm more attracting clients that are in a similar stage of me, stage as me with young kids at home, because that's where I am. So people look at you, and they're like, "Okay..." Like, it always says, "If you want to be healthy, you do what healthy people do." Right? So someone looks at me online, and they're like, "Oh, well, she looks healthy. And she can exercise and she has an eight year old. So I can do that too." (Lesley: Right) Right? So, I think ...

Lesley Logan 15:30  

... because if you can see it, you can be it. Right? So, yeah.

Natasha Caleel 16:08  

Totally, yeah. And like I really evolved from that point of like, "Okay, we're doing baby wearing exercises with your newborns." To now like a more holistic health coaching type practice, because I'm not, I don't have a newborn to do baby wearing exercises. Right? (Lesley and Natasha laughs)

Lesley Logan 16:24  

I don't know, do you just borrow people's newborns for that? You're like ...

Yeah exactly, let me borrow your baby, "Here's my baby on loan."

You go, "I have a potato sack, you'll have a baby." (Lesley and Natasha laughs)

Natasha Caleel 16:35  

Yeah, like totally, it just got to the point where I was like, "Okay, I'm so not into that anymore. Like I need to (Lesley: Well ...) shift and grow.

Lesley Logan 16:40  

I also think like, at some point, maybe also, you know, you're used to babies crying all the time. And then you kind of get to the point where you don't have babies crying all the time. And they're like, (Natasha: Right) "Oh, they're crying all the time." (Natasha and Lesley laughs)

Natasha Caleel 16:52  

I know. Well, the nice thing is, is I still see a couple in person, people who like to bring their babies in and I get my total baby fix. You know, I'm like, "Okay, this is great. I can take the pictures and send them home."

Lesley Logan 17:04  

Yes, that's exactly it. I love the idea of like, a moment, like, we'll just borrow that. (Natasha: Yes. Will do borrow that.) So, okay, um, how, what are some things that you've done in, in your life when you, like, do do things? Like, are you a manifester or a journaler? Did you like how do you make, how do you take your busy life with a child and like make things happen that are maybe outside of your expertise or your knowledge in the moment? Right?

Natasha Caleel 17:30  

Oh, gosh, yeah, good question because I am not particularly a journaler. I've never been into that, but very much into manifesting. And I remember when I first moved to Santa Barbara, I know you've been to Santa Barbara. (Lesley: It's beautiful.) So beautiful homes ... I've been to so many beautiful homes there. I'm just like, "Oh my gosh, like how?" (Lesley: Yeah) So I remember when I first started working in town, and I was going to people's houses, I would look around and be like, "Oh my gosh, like, who are these people? And how do they live here?" (Natasha laughs)

Lesley Logan 17:59  

Right? (Natasha: And I made it my mission.) I know from LA ... I would go to people's house. And I'm like, "How did they buy this house? But how?" (Lesley laughs)

Natasha Caleel 17:59  

Yes. It like, just crazy, right? And that became very much my mission of like, "Alright, I'm going to make it. I'm going to figure out how to make this work." And it was really messy. And there's lots of ups and downs. And I've had a lot of setbacks in my life. But now I've been here 10 years. And I'm finally at a point where I'm like, "I'm comfortable in Santa Barbara and this is where I live. And this is the life that I'm living." And if you would ask me 10 years ago, I'd be like, "oh, yeah, no way." Right?

Lesley Logan 18:33  

That's so cool. That is so so like, instead of like going, "Oh, this could never happen to me. And like maybe not like no way." But like, you, you saw these places and opportunities is like permission like that... (Natasha: Absolutely) That's really cool. How ... I mean, that's hard, right? That's like, it's like ... (Natasha: It's so hard, yeah) On the days, like were their days that you didn't give yourself that permission. Like how did you catch yourself? Like, you know what I mean? Like, is there ...

Natasha Caleel 19:02  

Well you thought you very much fall into. So I went through a period where I got divorced. And that was obviously tough, both mentally, financially, everything. And so during that time, it was really hard to not play the victim. And to not I was still working, I'm still going to people's houses, watching people live their fabulous lives, while I was completely struggling. So it was really hard for me to not be like, "Well, it's because they're lucky. Like they didn't have hard things happen to them." But then you realize everyone actually has hard things happen to them. It's just a matter of overcoming that and working through it and not getting put in that mindset of like, "Why me?" (Lesley: Yeah) So I find being able to break out of that and being able to be like, "Okay, you know what, this was an opportunity for growth. This was a chance to reinvent myself to make decisions for myself. So no longer basing my decisions on other people in my life." And that's what really helped me overcome that and get to the point where I'm like, "Alright, I still have the same vision. I still have the same goal. I'm gonna make it work. And then it's just a matter of taking a different way to get there." So,

Lesley Logan 20:05  

Yeah, I think that's... Thank you for sharing that because I do think that is, that is that, the well there's attention that we get if there's a "why me" (Natasha: Yes) as an attention that we can get as as and not to say that anytime you're like, "Oh my God, this happened to me" that you're playing a victim role like bad things ... (Natasha: No, of course not.) that is the consistency like how long are you playing the record of (Natasha: Right) that issue that happened to you versus like, if it you know, like, are you healing through it or are you staying in it? Because you get there's a different sort of attention you get. So I love that you catch yourself and then and then (Natasha: Yeah) take a moment and realize like, actually, like we're all, we're all dealing with obstacles every single day. And it's really, it really is a muscle that mindset of like getting over it or seeing it as an opportunity or going, "How do I like handle this right now?" You know, so

Natasha Caleel 20:53  

Oh, absolutely. And I feel too when you're looking at just your growth as a person, that you can never really move on to the next step until you heal from those things that happen. So I spent a lot of time, a lot of time kind of introspec... (Lesley: Yeah, intropec... introspective.) (Natasha laughs) (Lesley: Yeah ... we're good.) Yeah, you know, I'm talking about. So I spent a lot of time focusing on that, and focusing on what I needed to do to heal myself so that I could become the person that I knew I could be.

Lesley Logan 21:24  

Yeah. Well, and that just made me think of like, well you just said, "You can't move on to the next step until you heal where you're at." Right? And like, (Natasha: Yes. Absolutely) that's just like, such in line with, like, the work that you do with the women that you're with, like, even if they're not coming to you now. Because now you're working with people with young kids if those (Natasha: Right) women didn't heal, (Natasha: Yes) from the pregnancy, it's like they get to like, start off (Natasha: You don't skip ahead.) Yeah, there's no, there's no skipping. (Lesley and Natasha laughs)

Natasha Caleel 21:51  

Totally, you can just like, you know, that TikTok where it's like, "Can we skip to the good part?" Yeah ... (Lesley: Yeah) it doesn't work.

Lesley Logan 21:56  

It doesn't work. No, no, especially with our bodies, like they do require, they require (Natasha: Absolutely) steps. So they require that foundation. So I think that is a an interesting thing that you can take into your life. So when you're working with women, and they have tried to skip a step, or they've been told that they can skip a step, because a lot of people, you know, think, "Oh, I'll just work out doing what I did before. Like, I don't need to go and do the pre postnatal thing. Everything was fine." Like maybe they had (Natasha: Right) some amazing genetic trait. No diathesis problems, you know (Natasha: Yeah. Yes, exactly.) ... though, women who were like born with like a net, everything was good. Even they can't skip a step. Even there is ... there's a healing that has to happen. Right? So what is it, what do you do with them?

Natasha Caleel 22:41  

No. That's a great question. I find so once again, there is maybe I've worked with hundreds of women. And I say maybe 1% of people are like, "Yes, six weeks postpartum, I feel great. There's nothing wrong with me. I can get right back to my exercises." Because the bottom line is when you work with a professional who's really looking at your movement patterns and looking at the imbalances between muscles and different weaknesses, you can always find something. (Lesley: Yeah) There's always something to improve on. Like one of my clients said the other day, she's like, "Will I ever be like perfect? Will I ever get to the point where everything is balanced?" I'm like, "No," because even me every day I'm like, "Oh, yeah, this glutes a little weaker. I should work on that."

Lesley Logan 23:19  

I mean, I broke my right leg. My left (Natasha: Yes, yeah) my left glute is the, is my weak one. Broke my right leg. So I thought, "Oh, guess what? I can do the ... (Natasha: ... that left glute.) my right glute. And like to sit on the toilet. It's like a left pis... like pistol squat. Getting up ... (Natasha: Yeah, yeah) and I was like, "This left glute is gonna be so strong." It's still so freakin' weak. And it was the working like for 8 weeks. (Natasha and Lesley laughs) (Natasha: What the heck?) Yeah and I'm a professional and I know how to do it. And my right (Natasha: Totally) leg still dominant. (Lesley laughs)

Natasha Caleel 23:47  

Yep. No, I feel that. So that's what I work on with people is really looking at what do we need to focus on? And what do we need to not focus on so much. So I find a lot of the postpartum programs are very much into like, "Don't do this, don't do that. You're not allowed to do this." And there's all these rules around what you can't do. And sometimes it's not that you can't do things, you just need to do them properly. So, (Lesley: Right) So that's what it's really teaching people how to get to know their body, how to see when their breathing is not working for them when their muscles are not coordinated when they do have those like left side or right side dominant type patterns. And then working on the core exercises and building up endurance and all those other things that we work into people's programs to make it so that in six months or however long it takes, they can go back to the exercise class that they're doing, or they can go back to CrossFit or whatever they love to do. And be like, "I feel strong enough to do this. And I'm not going to hurt myself."

Lesley Logan 24:41  

Yes, that is what cool, because well that creates confidence. Right? (Natasha: Absolutely) And you know, I think if we have confidence on one area, it's easier for us to have confidence in another area. And so giving women that confidence that they can go back to CrossFit or go to do these other things (Natasha: Yes) and work but yeah, it's true. I mean, there is no such thing as perfect. It's such a contextual thing. And like, even like you might have a day where like, everything is aligned and everything is working out, and then I find that then I just trip on a sidewalk and like, do you know, you don't (Natasha: Totally) stepped wrong. And then all of a sudden, it's like, "Up, everything's off again." (Lesley laughs) (Natasha: Yeah. Yeah) (Natasha laughs) So Natasha, what are you like what is something that you're working on right now that's maybe outside of your comfort zone or that, like you're trying to like, tell yourself like, "you can do this," even though maybe you don't have evidence for it yet? Is there anything that you're doing right now ...

Natasha Caleel 25:29  

Oh, my gosh. So I have been, I have to admit, I've been in a major, like self growth type time of my life at the moment. Because more I'm trying to find ways I'm like, "Okay, who am I outside of being a mom and being a business owner?" Like, "What else can I do?" Right? I can't just work out all the time. And it can't just be a mom all the time. So I've been cycling through different hobbies to try to figure out what is going to stick? (Lesley: That's fun) Um, yeah, so I was doing tennis lessons for a while. And I have to say, I don't know if I'll ever be good at tennis. (Natasha laughs)

Lesley Logan 26:04  

Anything with hand, eye coordination, I just (Natasha: Yeah) I aspire, I look at it. I'm like, "Look at that. That looks ..." I mean, like, "look at their legs, tennis legs (Natasha: Yes) love."

Natasha Caleel 26:09  

... I looked like I should be able to play tennis. Like I really liked (Lesley: Yeah) people look at me and they're like, "Oh, she looks athletic. She should play. It's bad. It's like real bad." So I might skip out on the tennis for a little bit. I might have to go down to pickleball. I feel like that's more my speed.

Lesley Logan 26:25  

People are obsessed with pickleball around here. (Natasha: Yes) And like it's like pickleball season because it's not too hot. And like the pickleball (Natasha: Yeah) thing is, like on top of a casino out here. And they're like, "You have to come." And I'm like, "I don't even know if I have a hand eye coordination for that." (Lesley laughs)

Natasha Caleel 26:38  

Yeah. Like, it's, it's easier. It definitely is more fun. It's more fun. So I was doing that and then recently, I started taking pottery lessons. So doing pottery on a wheel. And once again, something completely outside my comfort zone. Like we had to introduce ourselves the first class and they're like, "So what do you do whenever ..." I'm like, "I'm a personal trainer, and I've never touched clay before." (Lesley: Yeah) (Natasha laughs) So they're like, "Okay, great." So that's been really fun. It's actually been like very meditative for me. So I spent three hours there. And it's just like a time to not think about work and not think about anything else. So it's been great.

Lesley Logan 27:13  

That sounds really cool. That (Natasha: Yeah) actually that sounds like up my speed. Although, I think I could do it. I think I could do that. When we go to Cambodia, we have retreaters, who will be like, "Oh, there's a potte... pottery class, you can make pottery. (Natasha: Yeah) Have you gone yet?" I'm like, "No, I have not done that one yet." But I hear people love it (Natasha: I'll skip that one.) I hear people love it. So that... But I love that you're like, you're like trying on hobbies. We had ... (Natasha: Yes) That's actually funny. We had on a guest, his name is Thor. And he was a stay at home dad and then his daughter off to college. And like he's like, "Um, because when you introduce yourself, people, I wonder what you do? And now I don't actually ..."

Natasha Caleel 27:47  

I don't know. Yeah. (Natasha and Lesley laughs)

Lesley Logan 27:50  

"I don't have a job anymore." And so he's like, a, he's like, tried on different identities. So like, I love that this is becoming like a theme. (Natasha: Yeah) My people like giving themselves permission to just like, "Just try something you're not good at ... your comfort zone." But it's true, especially like, you started your business around the same time that you had your child and like, that requires a lot of time, but it sounds like maybe she's in school more. Maybe you have more free time (Natasha: Oh, totally) and you're going, "Oh, what do I do now?"

Natasha Caleel 28:16  

Yeah, it's and well and it's such like this is what I said to my husband, I was like, "It's really weird, because it's almost like we have like early empty nester syndrome, because we only have our kids half the time. So we actually have a lot of time where it's just us at home. And my default is to work more." So if I have free time, I'm going to do more work. And that's not great. And obviously, we know that it's not good for your overall sanity and mental health. (Lesley: It doesn't make your business better either. ) No, it actually worse, because then you're just spreading yourself too thin. So that's kind of where that came from, where I'm like, "Okay, if we don't have our kids half the time, like we can't just sit around and stare at each other." So like, "What are we going to do instead?" Right?

Lesley Logan 28:55  

That is cool. That is so (Natasha: Yeah) I love that. So you are early... Well, because you because you mentioned you have a partner now and like so you guys have kids at the same time and then your kids leave at the same time? (Natasha: Yeah. So we did...) Brilliant. Everyone get listening (Natasha: every second weekend.) Brilliant. (Natasha and Lesley laughs)

Natasha Caleel 29:10  

I would like to take credit for that. I totally organized it because otherwise we would have like two kids or one kid or it was just kind of crazy. (Lesley: Yeah) So I'm like, "We need some order here like this is not working."

Lesley Logan 29:21  

I have a friend that she has, she had two and he had two and then they had (Natasha: Yeah) one together and so sometimes they had five kids and sometimes they (Natasha: Oh my gosh) have one kid but they never had no kid. (Lesley and Natasha laughs)

Natasha Caleel 29:33  

Yeah, yeah, I know. And like the non COVID times, we would actually take a lot of time to travel. So that was nice, because it was really working that when we didn't have the kids that's when we can travel. But now obviously we're not traveling as much so that's where all these hobbies and I know I'm totally that person that like picked up hobbies during COVID. I was making bread. I was doing all the things but it's fine.

Lesley Logan 29:53  

But also like again, those are it's play and like ideas (Natasha: Yeah) really come from it and I what I'm like, ladies, if you're listening like it cannot always be around about the partner or the kids or the job that has to ... there has to be something that you're doing to go, "Does this even bring me joy? (Natasha: Exactly) Does this even bring me joy?" (Natasha: Yes) And like, it sounds like what the pottery you're getting lost in time. So like, that might be exactly what you need, you know, for now.

Natasha Caleel 30:17  

Yes, (Lesley: Yeah) exactly for now. And also like, you know, I'm like, "I'll do this for six weeks. If I like it, great. I'll sign up for another six weeks. If not, I can say I learned how to do pottery, like, great." (Natasha laughs)

Lesley Logan 30:27  

Yeah, I just I hope everyone listens like that ... like, there's not one way to do anything. And like, it's okay. (Natasha: Yeah) And like the curiosity that you're having is like, really fun. And also better to do it now. And then when you are really empty nesters and you're like, (Natasha: Yes, exactly.) "Wow, no clue who I've been for the last 18 years. Not a clue." (Lesley laughs)

Natasha Caleel 30:45  

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, you need to have your own identity for sure.

Lesley Logan 30:49  

Agreed. 100% agree. Okay, Natasha. So this has been really fun. I'm just really love your honesty and like all the different things you've given people permission on. If anyone is like, "Okay, she sounds cool. She sounds up my alley. I didn't actually, I skipped a step. How do I go back?" How do people find you, follow you, get to know you?

Natasha Caleel 31:07  

Oh, great question. So I'm very active on Instagram. You can find me on Instagram at @fitmamasb like Santa Barbara. And you can also check out the website, same thing fitmamasb.com. That's where you'll find my online programs. Definitely watching my stories, you'll get to know me a little behind the scenes of who I am and what our life looks like over here. My husband is also quite fit and healthy. So we're all about living the Fit Life and (Lesley laughs) promoting that. If you do want to try out my mini course I have a free mini course called Living the Fit Life. It's on the website. It's fitmamasb course/promo. You can download that.

Lesley Logan 31:44  

Perfect. We'll put all those things in the show notes below, you like easily click the links, everyone. I think that's, you know, it's, I think it'd be, I think it's really important that people can see behind the scenes and they can see your family and they can see that you're living the life that you're telling, like you practice what you preach. And like that I find is if anyone's listening, like I find it when I feel out of alignment. It's because either like I stopped doing something for me that I'm telling people to do for them, you know, like that. So I I do love Instagram and stories for that because it does kind of keep me on like, "Oh, if I'm going to tell people to take care of themselves first I showed them (Natasha: Yeah) that I'm doing the same thing." I'm doing it.

Natasha Caleel 32:19  

And also and also showing them that it's not perfect all the time. Right? Like there's some days where don't get me wrong. I'm also lying in bed and eating cookies. Like that's just what happens. (Lesley: I know.) But you know 80% of the time we're living the Fit Life. (Lesley: Right) We're doing it. So

Lesley Logan 32:32  

Isn't that the rule 80 20 or some like that ... (Natasha: Yeah, exactly.) No, I hear you. I wanted to take a picture today. Housekeeper hadn't come yet. And also like I had like a reformer in the kitchen and (Natasha: Oh, my God) the wunda chair in the living room and I was like, "So this is this is a hot mess. And this is kind (Natasha: Yeah) of how life is. Pretty much when Rosie isn't here (Lesley and Natasha laughs) (Natasha: Totally) Bless Brad for letting like Pilates come and just like live around the house.

Natasha Caleel 32:57  

You live around the Pilates equipment?

Lesley Logan 32:59  

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Even even though we got a bigger place, somehow it still, it still (Natasha: It takes over.) So okay, before I let you go, Natasha, you've already mentioned some amazing things. But we love to like give people some BE IT action items. So bold, executable, intrinsic or targeted steps that they can do to be it till they see it. What do you have for us?

Natasha Caleel 33:18  

Alright, so one thing that I tell all my clients when they tell me they do not have time to do their core exercises. I'm all about timers, because we can easily set a timer for 10 minutes, do 10 minutes of core exercises and move on with our day without even noticing. So think of how much time you'll spend sitting scrolling Instagram or on TikTok or whatever you're doing. You can set a timer for 10 minutes, get it done. Get it over with and check that box. So I'm also like a huge to-do list person. I actually like retro actively write my to-do list. So ...

Lesley Logan 33:49  

Oh, so you read it afterwards and then check it all off.

Natasha Caleel 33:52  

Yeah, cuz then I feel better about it. So like getting those small wins.

Lesley Logan 33:55  

You like, "Look at all the things I did." (Lesley and Natasha laughs) (Natasha: Yeah) That's so funny. We're gonna combine that with like Hilary Hartlings ta-da list. She makes everything (Natasha: Yeah) ta-da. Ta-da! So you're just like, it's a total ta-da list. You're not even writing the to-do. I love it.

Natasha Caleel 34:09  

Yeah, no, I'm like, like, it's hilarious to me because I'll catch myself doing it. I'm like, "Oh, well, I'll start with a to-do list of things that I need to do. And then I start reading all the things I already did just like in the cross them." (Lesley: Genius) Like it feels so good.

Lesley Logan 34:20  

But genius because we're so focused on the things we didn't do. But if you never even wrote the things you did do. (Natasha: Yeah, you're fine. Yeah) Yeah. I, we love a timer. We have a time cube at our house. (Natasha: Oh, perfect) And (Natasha: Yeah) Brad has his own, I have my own and like we've been known to be on airplanes with our time cubes out. (Natasha: Yeah, yeah) You know, cuz it's like, "Okay, I've got like, I got a six hour flight. I got to work on these three things." And so I set the timer, and like, (Natasha: That's so smart.) it go off in the ariplane... (Lesley laughs)

Natasha Caleel 34:47  

Oh my God. Yeah. They were like, "Who are these weirdos?" (Lesley and Natasha laughs)

Lesley Logan 34:50  

They're like, "Oh my God." But they have studies y'all that show that time cubes are like actually (Natasha: It's huge.) It's huge. It's huge. It's huge. So I love that you set a timer. I love that you are like, just do 10 minutes. Like it's gonna be something. I'm big fan because we have a 15 minute workout that we want people to do because it's like, if ...

Natasha Caleel 35:09  

Yes. I saw that I love it.

Lesley Logan 35:10  

Okay, but like, thank you. I'm so excited about it. But like, imagine like how good you're gonna feel if you just did 15 minutes, like ...

Natasha Caleel 35:18  

Well, and the thing is, most people if they do 15 minutes, they're probably going to do more. (Lesley: Yeah) Right? (Lesley: Yeah) So if you can do 15 minutes, you can stop there and feel super accomplished. Or you can be like, "Oh, well now I'm kind of in the mood. I'm already my workout clothes. I'm going to go for a walk." (Lesley: Yeah, exactly.) I like, I love it. I think it's the perfect amount of time to get started and just do something.

Lesley Logan 35:36  

Well, and you're and I did it because like when we moved here I was there's, there's so much to unpack, there's so much work to do. (Natasha: Oh yeah) Working from home doesn't mean it's easy to work out at home. So (Natasha: No) total human being over here. And I was like, "You have to go into your room, my Pilates room for 15 minutes every day. Like you just have to because this is a very expensive room. It's taking up a lot of space. So if you're (Natasha: Yes) not going to use it." So that's kind of like where the impetus was. But I love that step. It's so fun. I can't wait to hear what Brad's take on it is because he's when here is this time cube is gonna be obsessed. He's gonna probably bring us time cube to the ...

Natasha Caleel 36:12  

I love it. Yeah, bring it next week, please.

Lesley Logan 36:15  

Yeah, he'll bring it to ... (Lesley laughs) He'll bring it to LA when we see each other. (Natasha: Yeah, it's so cool.) Thank you for being here. Thank you for being so generous with your time and your information. I think you know, you just gave so many women so much permission to be imperfect and to really like not be afraid to actually like heal before you take the next step. And so if you have questions about that, please check out Natasha in the show notes below. She's at @natashasb on Instagram. I'm sure you can DM her there if you need any questions answered. And how are you to use these tips in your life. Please screenshot it. Tag Natasha, tag the @be_it_pod and let us know how this affected you. We want to hear it and until next time, Be It Till You See It.

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review. And follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcasts. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the @be_it_pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others BE IT TILL YOU SEE IT. Have an awesome day!

'Be It Till You See It' is a production of 'As The Crows Fly Media'.

Brad Crowell 37:24  

It's written produced, filmed and recorded by your host Lesley Logan and me, Brad Crowell. Our associate producer is Amanda Frattarelli.

Lesley Logan 37:35  

Kevin Perez at Disenyo handles all of our audio editing.

Brad Crowell 37:39  

Our theme music is by Ali at APEX Production Music. And our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan 37:48  

Special thanks to our designer Jaira Mandal for creating all of our visuals (which you can't see because this is a podcast) and our digital producer, Jay Pedroso for editing all video each week so you can.

Brad Crowell 38:00  

And to Angelina Herico for transcribing each of our episodes so you can find them on our website. And, finally to Meridith Crowell for keeping us all on point and on time.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Brad is officially in Cambodia and Lesley is working to find her new hobby! This recap episode is all about making time for yourself and how to actually go about that in this crazy busy world. It's hard! Tune in for some tips to make time. 

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected]

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.

In this episode you will learn about:

• LL & Brad story of finding Lin 
• The vulnerability of trying things you aren’t the best at yet
• Sticking to the plans that you make 
• How are you investing in yourself? 
• Letting someone you know you are thinking of them 

Episode References/Links:

• Instagram
• Retreat
• Send this to a friend: “Hey, I was just thinking about you. I hope everything's amazing." 

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox.

Resources

• Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube!
• Lesley Logan website
• Be It Till You See It Podcast
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTube
• Profitable Pilates

Social Media

• Instagram
• Facebook
• LinkedIn

Episode Transcript:

Lesley Logan 0:01  

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guests will bring Bold, Executable, Intrinsic and Targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.

Welcome back to the Be It Till You See It interview recap where my co host in life, Brad and I are going to dig into the sweet and delightful convo I had with Wild Honey Band in our last episode. If you haven't yet listened to that interview, feel free to pause this now, go back and listen to that one and join us back here. Listen to this one, then listen to that one. You're gonna want to listen to all of them. Amanda and Brad listen to them three times. I mean, you know, it's go... I really loved them.

Brad Crowell 1:12  

They were fun. It was, I mean, they're there... I love their story of why they started a band.

Lesley Logan 1:19  

Oh my God, (Brad: And) also like, so I I just love that one girl didn't even have an instrument she played. (Brad: Yeah, yeah) She's like, "I'm gonna play the violin."

Brad Crowell 1:29  

Yeah. Actually, her story was also hilarious because she's like, "I guess I'm gonna not be the mom who sits in the back, and I'm gonna join all the 10 year olds to play violin." (Brad laughs)

Lesley Logan 1:41  

I know. She did that. She did do that.

Brad Crowell 1:44  

I think that's funny.

Lesley Logan 1:44  

I think it's great. I think more, you know, there's that whole like, thing about like Dance Moms. But this is like, she's not being a dance mom. She's like, "No, I'm just actually going to be in the class." Like, "I'm just (Brad: Yeah) gonna do this. So ...

Brad Crowell 1:54  

She's not living vicariously anymore. She's just doing it. (Lesley: She's just doing it.) Well, good for her, I think that's amazing.

Lesley Logan 1:59  

Yeah, they all were really amazing and I'm so grateful. And I also, I'm so excited that we had three people on. (Brad: Yeah, that was fun.) And you know, it was it was, I mean, they were gonna be in person together so that they could play a song for us live. But at any rate, we still got to do the song on the show, which is also super fun. So anyways, um, technically one this episode is out. It's gonna sound like it's happening now. But we're recording it before Brad goes to Cambodia. (Brad: Oh, yeah.) And so as of right now, he'll be in Cambodia.

Brad Crowell 2:30  

I'm in Cambodia.

Lesley Logan 2:33  

At least a few days by now. (Brad laughs)

Brad Crowell 2:35  

I will be in Cambodia. (Lesley: Mm-hmm) So yes.

Lesley Logan 2:38  

So Clare Solly, who was on episode 19 17 15. (Brad: I'm have to look.) She was in the teens. She is going to do some recaps with me, which is really going to be a lot of fun. You'll have to let us know.

Brad Crowell 2:52  

Yeah, 19 good memory.

Lesley Logan 2:53  

Dude, I'm like ... (Brad: I'm impressed.) Anyways, thank you. So so you're gonna hear another voice on the show for some of the recaps coming up because the show must go on whether Brad's in Cambodia or not. And it's 14 hours difference. And I'm not about to do a recording when we have the very rare overlap of daylight hours.

Brad Crowell 3:15  

Yeah, the well, I'll be gone for almost three weeks (Lesley: Yeah) with travel time. And so during those days, during those weeks, you know, you'll probably do a few episodes with Clare.

Lesley Logan 3:29  

Maybe a few episodes with Clare, that's gonna be a lot of fun. (Brad: Yeah) I'm probably not recording videos. I've been trying to figure out how I'm going to record classes while you're gone. And I'm pretty sure the camera will always be crooked. (Brad laughs) Because if you look at my rails, everyone, I am aware that it's crooked. It looks straight when I set it up, and then you look back and it's crooked. And I'm like, "You know what, we're just gonna wait till he gets back. It's just not gonna happen." So, you know, you don't have to be perfect. But anyways, I'm very excited that you're in Cambodia and you're fixing of our house with my dad.

Brad Crowell 3:58  

Yeah, your dad's gonna come with and we're gonna get to go see our, you know, the people there that we call family. Our tour guide, Trey Peach and her husband Rotta and, and then Rotta's parents. And and then also we are excited if you haven't heard us talk about this already. We have actually now begun sending our pseudo adopted girl (Lesley: Yeah) not adopted in any way. But (Lesley: Yeah) but in our minds, she's adopted girl, her name is Lin. And she's 13 and she's wicked smart.

Lesley Logan 4:39  

She's wicked, smart. (Brad: And ...) I can't say ... for Boston. She's so smart, y'all. And (Brad: Yeah and we decided to send her to school.) We met her real briefly, we met her in 2018. She had no idea that she like had us these two people going on a hunt to find her. (Brad: Yeah) (Brad laughs) We had to find her again because she knew five languages and she was nine years old and she could flip through them so quickly and I can't even flip through, I can't even talk to the housekeeper that quickly. I have to like, think about it. And she flipped through five languages and the average, the average Cambodian child only goes to school until sixth grade. (Brad: Yeah) And, and that's, you know, where stray Lin lives, she actually lives in a in a village, very close to the temples. And so those kids actually they can, they do go to school, but they often also work and they have to sell, because it's the only way their family can make money as if everyone's working.

Brad Crowell 5:29  

Yeah, even if they go to school. Maybe they go to school like Monday, Wednesday, Friday, or they go like Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday kind of thing. And they're really only there for like, a couple of hours, like two, three hours max, you know, and, and so they are getting some education, but it's not like going to school, the way that I grew up going to school five days a week, and I like, whatever, 9 10 months of the year and 9 10 months of the year. You know, that's definitely not how it happens over there. And we were able to enroll her in a school that is five days a week.

Lesley Logan 6:02  

Anyways, back to stray Lin (Brad laughs) our amazing adopted daughter, who's not really at all adopted, but actually so we actually found her in 2020, outside of of ...

Brad Crowell 6:14  

First time we met her was 2018. (Lesley: Yeah) Then we were on a hunt to try to reconnect with her.

Lesley Logan 6:18  

We couldn't find her. We ... (Brad: to two years) two years, two other retreat groups, we still didn't find her. The third retreat group that we had after we met her was the March of 2020. And we were using a rest stop a little bathroom stop that we never used before. I've read of all the tours we've done. And Brad saw her.

Brad Crowell 6:34  

Yeah, we got the bus and I and there was like, there was all these people like, "Hey, come by my shirts, (Lesley: Cuz we are also ...) I got all this stuff. " And there's like a dozen, a dozen vendors yelling at us. And we got everyone coming off our tour bus to use the bathroom. And ...

Lesley Logan 6:48  

We were the only retreaters, (Brad: Yeah) only tourists in the country. (Lesley laughs)

Brad Crowell 6:52  

Yeah, there was like nobody else but us to talk to. So everyone was like jumping on us, like, "Buy my stuff." Right? And I got off the bus and the group went ahead of me and I turned and I saw her and I was like, "Lin?" And I pointed at her and all of the vendors were like, "What the eerr?" Right. (Lesley: Yeah) They like, like, it was like everybody stopped yelling, and they like looked at me like, "How, how do you know? What?" And Lin looked at me like, "Who the hell are you? Why do you know my name?" Right? And I was like, "Is your name Lin?". And she she came up to me and we started to talk, I said "We met you two years ago." But at the temple, which is like a quarter mile up the road. So she wasn't far from where she apparently normally works and hangs out her stuff. And then Lesley was coming back from the bathroom. And I said, "I have someone to, to introduce to you." And and so Lin got a look like a little bit like, I ... (Lesley: She's like ...) only vaguely remember these people if there's anyting.

Lesley Logan 7:52  

... no way she remembers us. (Brad: Yeah) And it's fine, because she sees thousands of tourists a year or even a month. And ...

Brad Crowell 7:58  

Yeah, I mean, there's four (Lesley: But we ...) and a half million people that go through Cambodian temples every year. (Lesley: Yeah) Now granted, it was March 2021 we ... No actually, so it had been full tourism (Lesley: Yeah) for the two years, like almost two years since we had met her for the first time. So there's a there's a very real chance that like 8 million people had gone through the temples since (Lesley: Yeah) we saw her last.

Lesley Logan 8:21  

And so we're like (Brad laughs) and so and we are like coming on hot. Like we're like, "We've been looking for you." (Brad: Right) Just poor girl like, "Oh my God, what are these Americans (Brad: Yeah, yeah) gonna do to me?" And ...

Brad Crowell 8:31  

But we connected her to our tour guide who like I said, we call her family Trey Peach. And we said, "Peach, can you please, you know, find out where she lives, like connect with her family, connect with her parents. We want to send her to school." And so you know, she they start speaking Khmer and all the things and Peach is like, "Okay, I know where she lives and I will go and introduce myself to the family. And we can figure it out." And we got all excited and then COVID (Lesley: The road is shut down.) Yeah, COVID shut all the schools down.

Lesley Logan 9:00  

So all the schools down, shut everything down. And so we basically have just been waiting for the schools to open up. But in the meantime, Trey Peach was talking with her, talk with her family, we found out she actually doesn't have parents.

Brad Crowell 9:13  

Yeah, we don't actually know the story behind that yet.

Lesley Logan 9:15  

No, but Brad gets to meet her (Brad: Yeah) and with my dad. And there's ... a new year while they're there. So I think you guys are gonna have so much fun. And I'm ...

Brad Crowell 9:24  

I'm a little worried, I need to brush up on my Khmer ... (Brad laughs)

Lesley Logan 9:27  

Well, you know what, maybe we can get stray Lin on the phone. And actually, we could teach her English, she can teach us Khmer. (Brad: Yeah, yeah) (Lesley laughs) Because also, I think for them as well not having tourists for two years, all of their language skills, everyone's language skills dropped. (Brad: I know.) So (Brad: crazy) including here, people are just only able to text, they cannot look people in the eye. (Brad laughs) So at any rate, I'm excited you're there. I am very sad that I don't get to hang out with her. But they'll be more time for that.

Brad Crowell 9:52  

Well, we'll be going back later this year, (Lesley: Yeah) you know, to actually go on it on a retreat. (Lesley: Yes) And y'all are welcome to come with us. It ...

Lesley Logan 9:59  

You better come with us. It's not a retreat if we go by ourselves. (Lesley laughs) 

Brad Crowell 10:01  

Yeah, obviously, but it'll probab... the dates, the exact dates have not been chosen yet. But we're looking at like November. (Lesley: Yeah) And we would love to have you join us. If you want to get on the waitlist for that. You can do that at onlinepilatesclasses.com/retreats. (Lesley: Yeah, so do that. All right ...) I think it's singular, retreat. Anyway,

Lesley Logan 10:22  

Yeah, go to the show notes and just click it.

Brad Crowell 10:24  

Yeah. Do that. (Lesley: It will be credit down there.) It will be in the show notes.

Lesley Logan 10:26  

That's what Amanda does ...

Brad Crowell 10:28  

Yes. Amanda is our epic producer. (Lesley: Mm-hmm)

Lesley Logan 10:32  

Okay, so do we have a question?

Brad Crowell 10:35  

Yeah. So this week, we have a question that is re... very relevant to (Lesley: my stories) your your Instagram stories. So this morning, you posted some green popcorn.

Lesley Logan 10:47  

I did. Okay. So first of all, I think I need to buy gloves and now that, now that like about me ...

Brad Crowell 10:55  

The challenge is out. (Lesley: Yeah) Chopsticks. (Lesley: Chopsticks.)

Lesley Logan 10:58  

Okay. That's what he said, chopsticks. Okay. And also, that's less trash. You know what I just gave my, the link and I'm gonna see if she can do a chopsticks that she can do a chopsticks and I know it's possible ...

Brad Crowell 11:09  

... this is like a thing. People eat chips with chopsticks out of the bag, so they reach into the bag with chopsticks. Oh, this is a whole thing.

Lesley Logan 11:16  

Okay, okay, well, anyways. (Brad: Don't you worry.) So here's the deal, one of our friends, she loves to create a menu whenever we go and so we were there at her house for New Year's eve. We're at Sue and Stevens ... house hunt for New Year's eve, and she created spirulina popcorn. And she just started this fun like appetizer and I freakin shutdown. (Brad: Hmm) And I was like, "I know you've got muscles. I know you have like, some incredible like seven courses. And I like ..."

Brad Crowell 11:43  

A muscles like from the ocean muscles. (Lesley: Yeah, yeah) Not like Brad's got muscles.

Lesley Logan 11:47  

Right. But I ate the popcorn. Like I ate it all. (Lesley laughs)

Brad Crowell 11:51  

Yeah, it was it was it was fantastic.

Lesley Logan 11:53  

My fingers were so green. But I ate it all. And I was like, "I need the recipe." And so we got the recipe and then we had people over in January ...

Brad Crowell 12:00  

Y'all, it's like it's a combination. So if you've never heard of spirulina, it is algae. Right? And it actually is healthy for your gut. And it has ... (Lesley: ... protein in it.) This spirulina has protein. Yeah. And then it has some type of yeast, which I'm drawing a blank on (Lesley: nutritional yeast) nutritional yeast. There's a (Lesley: garlic sauce) garlic powder. (Lesley: Oh, garlic powder.) There's onion powder. There's (Lesley: salt) salt and then and then a little bit of oil in there and you kind of mix it all up. And then it coats the popcorn. (Lesley: Yeah ...) And I realized, when I was making it last night, I was like it because of the oil and the yeast, it kind of like becomes like a big clump. And you have to like, really mix it in. So I was like, (Lesley: Oh, little cayenne) I felt like I was (Lesley: a little cayenne) Oh, lol that's right. There's a little bit of cayenne in there. So I was really, really like mixing this popcorn through the, the, the, the, the coating of the spirulina mixture that I made. And I realized that like I was treating the popcorn all delicate and then by the end of it, I was just like beating the popcorn to try to get it into the spirulina mix. (Brad laughs) And yeah, (Lesley: Anyways) it's it's got life.

Lesley Logan 13:09  

It's go... it's so good. (Brad: It's amazing.) And like if you have a really good containers, you can make, you can make a big batch and then like ...

Brad Crowell 13:16  

Yeah put them in like an airtight container. (Lesley: Mm-hmm) And it actually stores (Lesley: Oh my God) well for like days.

Lesley Logan 13:22  

I ate a whole bowl today. I took a picture and put it on Instagram. And now everybody wants that. So that's the recipe. Do it up. And you know what? It's like healthy popcorn. Like (Brad: Yeah, yeah) I remember putting those like shaker things on your like those little (Brad: Yeah, the fake cheese.) the fake cheese or the kettle corn or whatever ... (Brad: or a ranch, whatever) This is like your, it's so healthy. (Brad: Yes, way better than that.) It's so healthy. So anyways, (Brad: Yeah) okay. Thanks for that question. I'm glad you liked my stories. Keep, please send your questions in because we love answering them. They're so fun for us. Oh ... and also,

Brad Crowell 13:56  

This is my shout out to Emily's Garden Show.

Lesley Logan 13:59  

For those of you on the YouTube. You'll see Brad like not even quietly trying (Brad laughs) to get you to ask him to ask questions about his cactus.

Brad Crowell 14:08  

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Lesley Logan 14:09  

Okay. All right. Let's talk about, let's talk about our guests. Huh?

Brad Crowell 14:12  

Yeah, let's talk about the Wild Honey Band. Three amazing women, Laura, Jessica and Shelby, who gave a purpose to their gatherings and in the process created an amazing band called Wild Honey. They're moms, musicians and professionals who have stopped apologizing for taking time for themselves and encouraging other women to do the same. And we met them in real life when we were in Calgary for Pilates Fest North. And at the end of the weekend, the band was there to perform for us. And one of them actually, I think she's a Pilates instructor. And so that's how the connection all came together. And it was a, it was so much fun to listen to them. They have been a band now for 10 years. And it was ... (Lesley: I know that was shocking to me.) It really, really impressive.

Lesley Logan 15:01  

I guess I didn't realize that what I asked them to be on. I think I don't know what I was thinking. So, but I, we heard them in Calgary when we were there. And (Brad: Yeah) I was like, "Listen, like all these women sounds so sweet, like, they make me think of like, the bands I listened to when I was a child in the 90s." And, you know, like, The Chicks, you know, and, and then they sto... their story, and I was like, "Their frickin be it till you see it, like, all the way like, all the way." So anyways, I am so glad that they took the time how we got three three moms of many children, if you heard like all daughters ...

Brad Crowell 15:36  

They have eight daughters between the three of them. (Lesley: Yeah and ...) No sons apparently.

Lesley Logan 15:41  

I know but syskey has all the fathers, like all the husbands were like all boys. So I think that was just the universe, you know, keeping things in check. Here's the deal, our script didn't update on my end. So I'm just going to go off with my memory. I ...

Brad Crowell 15:54  

Oh, you're taking time for yourself? (Lesley: Thank you. Find hobbies) Yeah and ... (Lesley: ... purposeful) Hobbies? (Lesley: wonderful) Yeah, nailed it. (Lesley: nailed it) Nailed it.

Lesley Logan 16:02  

So okay, when they talked about, you have to take time for yourself as a mom. Obviously, I'm not a mom and I'm so sorry, whether your mom or not every lady listening, we have to take time for ourselves and not feel guilty about it. And so, you know, they brought up how like, men have all these hobbies and like they watch football together. And like, I have girlfriends who are like when it's football season. They're like, yeah, my... you know, he's watching the game. So we're watching the game. And I'm like, "What, why why are you watching? Like, why aren't we doing whatever we want to do?" And so anyways, they they created their own hobbies be unapologetic about it, but I have been trying to find hobbies. I think I had them before the pandemic, or at least some things I like to do. But then, with the pandemic, with our move with the change of our companies. I have been struggling to figure out like, "What do I like to do for me?"

Brad Crowell 16:53  

Yeah. (Lesley: And ...) Well, what did you do for you before?

Lesley Logan 16:57  

So I really liked going to, I mean, I had girlfriends that I would hang out with we workout together, which is not a hobby, but we would work out together at that one gym, and then we would go and have backyard bowls and sit and they walk. We walk the bluffs, you know, things like that. I did a I used to, I used to read a lot. I used to have go to dinners. I know none of those things are hobbies. But like I did things with people on a consistent basis that made me feel like my cup was full. Here's a hobby, not a hobby. But this is what I did. I went to the Korean spa every month when I was home. (Brad: That's true. You did.) And I spent too much time there. I hiked, we used to hike all the time but I ...

Brad Crowell 17:40  

We used to hike, we used to do full moon hikes. That was actually tons of fun.

Lesley Logan 17:43  

Those were tons of fun. (Brad: Yeah) And so I just had all these little things, though. None of them were like necessarily weekly, but they were consistent. And they were like when I need it was time to fill my cup. That's what was happening. And so I'm currently unapologetically taking a lot of time for myself to figure out things I like to do. (Brad: Yeah) And we're, the jury's still out but we're working on it. We're working on it. I did a layer class. I'm apparently a natural. Of course. (Brad: Yeah) And I'm going to take a pole fitness class, like pole dancing but for fitness. (Brad: Put that out there.) I'm putting out... It's not you don't wear shoes. So I feel good about that.

Brad Crowell 18:18  

The ... so we're taking a course right now called The Artist's Way. Well, the book is The Artist's Way, the course is about the book. (Lesley: Mm-hmm) And one of the things that you are supposed to do is do an artist date. And it's a solo thing. You do it by all by yourself. And I think that it's so funny, because I don't remember the last time. I mean, we've been married now for six, seven, almost ... ( Lesley: I know) six and a half years.

Lesley Logan 18:51  

I know someone else asked how long we were married, and we were like, "ah." He was like, "Really?" And I was like, "I know." (Lesley laughs)

Brad Crowell 18:55  

Yeah, six and a half years. And you know, the truth is, you get to get into this habit of doing things together, which isn't a bad thing. But you very infrequently, like I used to just do stuff by myself before when I was trying to go meet people or try to go do something or my friend's band would play and I would just go. Right? And I don't know, you just kind of stopped doing that stuff when when you're with someone.

Lesley Logan 19:19  

No, I think honestly ... Brad, I think it's that with the pandemic. We didn't leave the house. (Brad: Well ...) And so (Brad: you know) you just got used to do and we also moved. And so then we were like our only friends in our city. (Brad: That's true. We did move.) And we are afraid of getting the COVID.

Brad Crowell 19:34  

Yeah, I mean, you you you right when we were in LA we were intentional about getting together with our friends. You had your girlfriends you would get together literally once a week. (Lesley: Yeah and ...) And you know, and I would I, when you did that I would go to the Thai place and get dinner by myself... (Brad laughs) (Lesely: Yeah, yeah) So there was still some of that (Lesley: I think ...) but you know, (Lesley: I think it's just out of the habit of it) Yeah, but also to it wasn't like, new stuff. It wasn't like, "Oh, I think I'll go to the Getty Museum." No it was like, it's like we were in a routine, it was the same routine was always the same stuff. And it was awesome and fun and it did fill our cup. But this course that we're taking has been very encouraging (Lesley: Yeah) with with trying, like intentionally getting out there and doing stuff that you, you maybe would have done once and you've just haven't done in a long time. Like ...

Lesley Logan 20:18  

I'm going, I'm going to a craft store, tonight. (Brad: Yeah. Cool. Love it.) Yeah. But you know what, also we don't I don't know where that anything is. So I have to like, look it up. And then I'm like, "Well, is this the best one?" So then, (Lesley laughs) anyways, so I just really love that they talked about that. I think more women need to talk about that. And the more of us that are doing that, the more of our friends who you might feel like you're letting down by saying, "I'm working on this hobby, the more." They'll be like, "Oh, I should go do that, too." So at any rate, let's set the domino effect of more women having purposeful time and hobbies that they're unapologetic about. Great. (Brad: I love that.) What are you loved?

Brad Crowell 20:52  

Okay, so the girls said, well, Laura was talking about letting yourself be vulnerable, when trying to do things you might not be good at yet. Right. And specifically with her, she was telling that really funny story about how she decided to start playing the violin, and how she had never played the violin before. And then almost immediately thereafter, the band started and she was like, "I'm gonna play the violin in the band in the band." Right. And, and she was like, that was there's a, there was a she had, I think, her first moment of ego that she had to get over was being in class with her daughter, and not being with the rest of the moms setting along the back wall and being like, "No, I'm pulling my chair forward and I'm going to take take lessons too." And, and she talked about, like, "I was a little uncomfortable there," you know, now she's like, in class with 10 year olds, and also the other moms are looking at her like, "What are you doing?" Right? And, you know, I said ego because, you know, we think of ego as like egotistical, and like arrogance, but that fear is also ego, "What are they gonna think of me?" That's also ego. And I was listening to a podcast series recently, that is, is performed by professional actors. It's a scripted podcast series by Marvel, and they have ...

Lesley Logan 22:20  

... I'm like, "What podcast series? We listen to all the same ones?" Nope, no.

Brad Crowell 22:24  

No, no, (Lesley: not this one) I have a whole dozen that you don't even know. (Lesley: whooho) It's called Marvel's Wastelanders. And they did a whole thing on Black Widow. And it's, uh, I'm not going to get into all the specifics. But at the end, they had a couple of interviews with the team who was doing it. Right. And the one guy said as an actor, as a stage actor, or a film actor, you know, they have all these tools that they can use to convey the experience to the audience. And that's almost always visual. Of course, there's sound and talking and audio and all the things but like, if someone's going to, like, punch you in the gut, you can go, "oh," but you're also like, you're visually like, your face is getting and you're, you're tensing up all this stuff. And they said, you know, they're like, "We're just doing audio only. So we had to really make it ridiculous." And he's like, "That was like, that was hard. That was really embarrassing." And he said, "What the..." (Lesley: That's ego.) That's ego, totally. Is like that was that, you know, but there needed to be a sense of vulnerability that they were getting to, you know, through. And he said, what they did was they went and they pulled up, Hugh Jackman playing Wolverine, because there's a video on YouTube apparently, of Hugh Jackman playing Wolverine. And when he was doing, I don't know if it was an animated series or whatever he was doing. And Hugh Jackman is apparently doing all the the punches and the grunts and groans and the ah and like Hugh Jackman looks like an idiot. Right? Like, but that's what the job called for. And he does he does it anyway, because it's about the audio. So they were like, "Wow, like, okay, if he can be vulnerable and he's super famous, then I can be vulnerable. And I can do this podcast series." And ...

Lesley Logan 24:13  

And I would love to know what Hugh Jackman thought because he probably thought like, "Oh my God, I have to be so ridiculously over the top to make this done. This is like not as easy. I can just make the movie and be easier." Like, I'm sure like, it's kind of we never know what the other person is thinking. But like, you know, Amy Ledin and I think we even both talked about this on one of our episodes. Like, I had this ego of like, "Oh my God, does she want to work with me? Like, what you want to do this?" And like, and she had the same feeling, "I don't know if this girl's gonna work with me." Like, just so you know, whatever you're like little like sirens in your head or like, "I don't know if I should do this and so embarrassing." Everyone else (Brad: Right) is thinking the exact opposite in the same way. (Brad: Yeah) You're like, "Oh, I wish I could ..." I bet you those moms were like, "Oh, I wish my daughter would let me take class with her." You know, so anways. 

Brad Crowell 24:56  

Yeah. Yeah, I always take solace in being the person who asks the questions for the group because I know I'm not alone. And so I'm willing to that that's what allows me in my head. That's the story, I tell myself to be raising my hand in a group setting and ask the question, because I know that there are other people thinking the same thing. You know?

Yeah, that's great. I love, I love the word solace. (Brad: Yes) Let's take solace in that. (Brad laughs) Okay. (Brad: All right) BE IT action items.

Okay. Finally...

Lesley Logan 25:22  

They have so many good stuff, though.

Brad Crowell 25:24  

Let's talk about the BE IT action items. What both, executable, intrinsic or targeted actions, can we take away from your convo with the Wild Honey Honey Band. So they said something, which I thought was really, it connected with me a lot. They said, "Show up to the plans you have made and believe in them." (Lesley: I love this.) And I think what they were specifically talking about was, you you had asked, "How does how does your family and friends, how do your family and friends respect your rehearsal time?" Because did it seem ridiculous where you were like, "Sorry, Mom's got a band practice now," you know, and like, the kids or whatever, the husbands or whatever, like work life, all the things. How did band practice become a serious thing? Right. And they they said, they said basically, they had to make the decision that this was serious. This was a real thing. And they were going to take it seriously, they were going to treat it as a real thing. And that posture, that belief in what they were doing, would then ...

Lesley Logan 26:40  

... 100% being it till they see it, by the way.

Brad Crowell 26:43  

Oh, yeah. Being it till they see it. And that would permeate into other people's understanding that this is not a joke, you know, and, and so, you know, but the the second thing is, they said, "You got to show up to the plans that you made." So they pick Thursday nights, and Thursdays were rehearsal night at whatever time and, and they made a decision that they were gonna be there for each other. (Lesley: Yeah) You know, they still said they have fun, they drink a glass of wine, this, but that there's very much a decision to be there. And that they were going to take this seriously and go, you know, be in a band.

Lesley Logan 27:21  

Yeah, I so this is the same thing of like, if you put that you want to go to the gym in your schedule a certain time. I don't care how busy your day was, if the gym isn't on fire, and you can still drive to the gym, like every the freeway is open, everything is allowing you to go there except for your mind. You need to stick to the plans that you made and believe in it because you have that's how our confidence comes from. Confidence comes from showing up to the things you committed to. And those little things, those little things that you said you were gonna do, every time you flake on yourself for those little plans. So it's like seemingly little plans. You are actually under... under... (Brad: undermining) undermining, eroding ... (Brad: Yeah, eroding) (Lesley laughs) (Brad: under routing) under route, you're under routing. Your confidence in yourself to show up for yourself. And so ...

Brad Crowell 28:11  

You're undermining your belief.

Lesley Logan 28:12  

Yes. I cannot love this BE IT action enough. It is one of the best ones I think we've ever had. You know, and I it's not like, it's easy for us to like, Brad, sign us up for this Artist's Way thing. And I swear I thought he was gonna flake out on it. And then I could just like out too, because I'm like, "Oh, I I am a recovering overachiever and perfectionist. And so I have to show up for the things I signed up for." But I was like, "Oh, he's a rebel. If he doesn't do it, then like full permission." You know? And then like, I, but it's working. And we're showing up for it. And we're believing it. But like another thing, I sometimes you have to put your money there like, (Brad: Yeah) like the investment of it. You know, one of our retreaters said to me on the phone the other day, she's like, "Lesley, if your retreat hadn't been as expensive as it was, I wouldn't have shown up. I would have just let it go." (Brad: Yeah) So you may if you're someone who like consistently, like flakes out on things, and you want to change that, put some money that you like, don't want to throw away or behind it, and you'll show up for it.

Brad Crowell 29:07  

Oh, you you know you will because that was like painful to make that decision. And that will change your reaction to. I mean, that's exactly why when we are getting coaching for our businesses. Man, it's sometimes it's really hard to make that decision because you're looking at like, a couple 10s of 1000s of dollars for coaching. And you bet your ass that we're gonna show up for it. Right? So because that does not like that that's a scary number. Right? And that's but that's also on purpose, right? Of course the person that we've hired to be our coach, you know, we're paying them and they're, you know, but they're bringing value to the table that and we know that they're bringing value to table but it's more than that. It's also what is it going to take to get my ass into gear and go show up for it and really take it seriously. A lot of times it comes down to a price tag.

Well and some and also like, there are some things that like we may be like, "Ah, we're this is really busy, let's just push this one to the next month." But it's like, "No, we actually paid for this advice. We have to ..." Like, it kind of forces us to do things that scare the living daylights out of us. (Brad: Yeah, a little bit.) So my big BE IT item that I love is text someone you love to let them know you're thinking about them. You know what, text, someone that you're thinking about that you're thinking about them. You have to love them yet, but (Brad: Right) like for those of you who are like feel like you don't have enough, like maybe you're lighting new friends. Well, text the person you're thinking you might want to be your friend, "Hey, did you see the moon tonight? It looks so amazing." (Brad: Yeah) Like, it doesn't have to be a question. You don't have to ask them how they are?

No, I actually do this all the time is something I've been doing ...

Lesley Logan 30:45  

Tell us how you do it, because I do this really well with the people that I do it with all the time. But ...

Brad Crowell 30:49  

Oh, no, I do this with everybody ... Anybody that I think have ever. If I'm thinking of somebody, I reach out to them. And I literally just say, "Hey, I was just thinking about you. I hope everything's amazing." Sent. (Lesley: Yeah) That's it. Like it's not ...

Lesley Logan 31:06  

You can even, you can even copy that you'll from the show notes and put it in your notes and just copy and paste that anytime (Lesley laughs) you think of someone.

Brad Crowell 31:12  

Yeah. But I do it all the time. And I and often I don't hear back from people and that's okay. But like, I it's something that I started doing when I was in college. And I started doing it with my high school friends. We all had gotten cell phones at the time. And then we all went off to college. Right. And the whole point was basically that the the we're now no longer together, we've been together our whole lives, and then suddenly, we're gone. You know, I like grew up with these kids. And then you know, and then and then what we're supposed to forget about all that. So I started texting everyone like, "Hey, hope you're doing well. Hey, I hope college is awesome. I hope all this stuff." And it became something that I've maintained over the years.

And you know what? Also send those to the people you think are the strongest. (Brad: Yeah) If you with some... if you think that somebody is like, "Oh my gosh, like, they're so strong." I will say like, during the pandemic, a lot of friends reached out to a lot of people and then like I reached out, and they're like, you know, they said, "Oh Lesley I'm so sorry, I haven't reached out to you. I just know that you're so resilient." And I'm like, "Yep, I'm over here resilient, all alone." (Brad: Yeah, yeah) I would be really nice ... (Lesley laughs) being resilient. So I just say like ...

And if you don't have their phone number, you know, you can ... (Lesley: DM on Instagram) Yeah, send them a DM on Instagram or (Lesley: email them) or, or message them on Facebook or something you know and and and the same thing goes with family. You know, we got cousins, aunts and uncles that we only talk to occasionally but it there's something really incredible about opening up your text and getting a text with someone that's just like, "Hey, I hope your day is amazing."

Lesley Logan 32:44  

Well, what also people just want to feel seen. So maybe you (Brad: Yeah) hear a song and you just send them a song. Like yesterday, I sent you and your sister (Brad: Yeah) a song. And I totally I mean, obviously I talk to them all the time. But we talked about work. We don't actually just like send something funny or whatever. And and so I sent them a (Lesley laughs) terrible song.

No, it's a great song. Are you kidding? It's an inside joke song. (Lesley: It's an inside joke song.) It's incredible.

I just texted the two of them. No, no explanations. And then and then they listened to it and it made them laugh (Brad: Oh yeah) and it brigthen their day. So like, so anyways, that is my BE IT action item for you from these amazing women. (Brad: Yeah) Thank you to the Wild Honey Band. (Brad: Yes) Ladies, you are just an inspiration. And you you know, not just in the music that you do, but in the way you built your lives and the way you do it. And I I, their daughters are the luckiest daughters ever.

Brad Crowell 33:31  

Pretty cool. What an awesome example.

Lesley Logan 33:32  

Yeah. I'm Lesley Logan.

Brad Crowell 33:34  

And I'm Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 33:35  

Thank you so much for joining us today. We are so grateful you're here. How are you going to use these tips in your life? Let us know by sending a DM, tag the @be_it_pod with a takeaway with the BE IT action item that you're implementing this week. And also tag the tag the Wild Honey Band or whoever if maybe you're listening to a different episode. And you remember this, that's fine. But please let us know because it let's, it let's people know like what helped, what helped you in their life and it gives them a little like, making making them feel like you are thought of them.

Brad Crowell 34:02  

Yeah, why don't you go ... Why don't you go DM the Wild Honey Band and say, "Hey, I just heard you, you know on the BE IT pod. Thanks for sharing your story."

Lesley Logan 34:11  

Yeah, that's it. Just text that, that's DM that. That's all you have to do. (Brad: Yep.) So anyways,

Brad Crowell 34:15  

They're out of Canada, out of Calgary. (Lesley: Yeah) So there are a few Wild Honey Bands, I want to say it's, well we'll put the link to their IG. (Lesley: They're Wild Honey Band Three) Three. Yeah, we'll put the their Instagram link in the show notes. (Lesley: Yeah. So do that) So give them some love. Tell them "thanks."

Lesley Logan 34:30  

And until next time, Be It Till You See It.

Brad Crowell 34:31  

Bye for now.

Lesley Logan 34:34  

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review. And follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcasts. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the @be_it_pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others BE IT TILL YOU SEE IT. Have an awesome day!

'Be It Till You See It' is a production of 'As The Crows Fly Media'.

Brad Crowell 35:07  

It's written, produced, filmed and recorded by your host Lesley Logan and me, Brad Crowell. Our Associate Producer is Amanda Frattarelli.

Lesley Logan 35:18  

Kevin Perez at Disenyo handles all of our audio editing.

Brad Crowell 35:22  

Our theme music is by Ali at APEX Production Music. And our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan 35:31  

Special thanks to our designer Jaira Mandal for creating all of our visuals (which you can't see because this is a podcast) and our digital producer, Jay Pedroso for editing all video each week so you can.

Brad Crowell 35:43  

And to Angelina Herico for transcribing each of our episodes so you can find them on our website. And, finally to Meridith Crowell for keeping us all on point and on time.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

A band that was built from a group of women who finally stopped apologizing for taking time to themselves. Life gets busy. There are kids, jobs, and commitments that can make it hard to show up for yourself but these ladies show us the magic that happens when you finally do.

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected] .

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.

In this episode you will learn about:

• Taking time you yourself as a mom  
• Letting yourself be vulnerable to do the thing you may not be good at yet  
• Importance of sisterhood 
• Figuring out the important people to begin taking action with 

Episode References/Links:

• Website
• FB
• IG
• YT

Guest Bio: Wild Honey Band

What started as a desperate desire for comradery and purpose became the all-female band, Wild Honey.

With eight daughters under the age of seven, Laura Cain, Jessica Niedermeyer, and Shelby Knudsen decided they needed to find a reason to get together. Something that wouldn’t be so easily cancelled when things got chaotic, which was almost always.

After much discussion, they landed on a band. Shelby played some campfire guitar and Jess grew up surrounded by music and musicians, although she carried a deep fear of performing. Laura had an unspoken dream to play the violin. A band seemed perfect. It couldn’t be that hard, right?

Ten years later, and Wild Honey is going strong. Aside from the band, Laura has earned her masters in counselling and opened her own thriving practice. Jess became a pilates instructor and opened a private studio called Free Rein Pilates, recently deciding to step away from instructing to focus on her cattle ranch. Shelby published a novel called Mountain Girl, and has completed two more which are waiting for publication. She was the editor-in-chief at Kootenay Living Magazine prior to the pandemic.

In 2019 Wild Honey released their first album, Distant Skies. They are currently working on their second. They have faced moments on stage, back stage, and trying to get to the stage, that have almost broken them, but they have always chosen to continue. The vulnerability and raw fear of performing have humbled them to their cores, but after a good cry and a gin martini, they keep going.

The early days of babies, breast pumps, and peeling kids off their legs to go play in bars are over. Now they share beautiful stages with talented musicians who inspire them. They write songs about their journey as women and mothers. They have stopped apologizing. Period. For wanting something for themselves and for failing at it long before they succeeded. For not being perfect. They’re not sorry. They’re grateful. They won’t tell you it’s easy, but they will tell you that you deserve to try. You deserve to try and to fail and not say sorry. Because that’s life, and while you’re lucky enough to be here, you might as well jump in with both feet.

Wild Honey plays annually with Barney Bentall and the Cariboo Express, and have been

honored to share a stage with great talents like The Odds, Leeroy Stagger, Ryland Moran, and many others. More info on the band is available on their website – www.wildhoneyband3.com or follow them on Facebook and Instagram.

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox.

Resources

• Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube!
• Lesley Logan website
• Be It Till You See It Podcast
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTube
• Profitable Pilates

Social Media

• Instagram
• Facebook
• LinkedIn

Transcript:

Lesley Logan 0:00  

Hey, Be It babe, how are you? I can't even wait for you to get into this interview. This is my first time interviewing three people at once. And it's our first time having a band on here. And we have a special gift for you at the end. So please, please stick around to the entire thing, because we're going to have an amazing song for you. We have the Wild Honey Band with us. They are three amazing women, moms of eight girls. So where are my parents at? And they like ... I think one of them didn't even play an instrument when they got together. And we're been playing the violin for three months. And so I just when I hear... I met these women when I was in Canada, and I like went up to them. And I was like, "I need to have you on my podcast." Like, I didn't even say, "Hi, I'm Lesley like, this is who I am." I just was like, "This is what I want. And this is why I want you." And their story is freakin' beautiful. They literally are being it until they see it. And they've been a band for nine years now. I mean, just like, so cool. And even if you're like, "Lesley, I don't want to play music." I need you to see yourself like every time you hear a band, I need to hear, say book club or writer or, you know, maybe you want to be in knitting or maybe maybe you are not even trying to start anything else. But you're just wishing you had more, more conscious conversations that were like, deeper, like beyond the surface of people, if that's what you're wanting, then this is the podcast for you. There are so many takeaways throughout the conversation. But when you get to the BE IT items, I mean, like goodness, these women are powerful. And in the shownotes, you'll be able to see how you can listen to all of their music, and get to know them more, and I hope that you do, I hope that you do. And, you know, please give yourself the space and grace to, to just try. Right? To just like take the action. And I, when you listen to this, I think you'll hear why I say, "space and grace" because it really does matter. It really makes a difference. And who knows nine years from now you could be on someone else's interview, sharing how you got started. Right? So thank you for being here. And thank you for letting me bring beautiful humans into your ears each and every week. It is an honor that I do not take lightly and you give me like, I don't know like a thirst to find the next person to inspire you in ways that are beyond your wildest dreams. So after this brief message, Wild Honey.

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring Bold, Executable, Intrinsic and Targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.

Hello, Be It listener. All right. I have like a trio for you. This is our first actual trio. I am so thrilled. Y'all when I, I was in Canada and I was in Calgary and I went to this event and they had a band. And it was these women who one of them or maybe all of our Pilates instructors, or at least one of them what is and they started to play and then they started to tell their story. And I was like, "Oh, they have to be on the podcast." I cannot wait for you to hear the story. If you are a mom, if you've ever thought you don't even know how to play an instrument. If you ever thought you don't have to do anything like this is the episode for you. I would love for you to see yourself in the stories of these women. So ladies, Wild Honey Band is here we have; Laura, Jessica and Shelby. Hi. (Wild Honey Band: Hi Lesley. Hello. Hello.) Oh my goodness, listen to these voices. So okay, I would love for you all to introduce yourselves. So we'll just start, I got Shelby on the screen now. We'll start with Shelby. Who, like tell us who you are? Like, what do you play? What, how'd you get here? And then we'll just go through the whole band.

Wild Honey Band 4:27  

Shelby: Wow. Okay, how did I get here? Give me an hour. (Lesley and Wild Honey Band laughs) At least... Well, my name is Shelby and I I'm ... Okay, I got to tell you a little bit first because this is kind of interesting. Laura is my sister in law. So, Laura married my brother and Jess married the guy that I grew up next door to ... (Lesley: Stop right now.) Yes. So, we're living ... (Lesley: Stop)

Laura: With my husband's best friend. Yeah. (Lesley and Wild Honey Band laughs)

Lesley Logan 4:56  

This is amazing. (Wild Honey Band: Yeah) Oh my gosh.

Wild Honey Band 4:58  

Shelby: So that is just to sort of start with where we all got together. But I grew up in Cranbrook, a small town in Canada, and I kind of went into the science stuff. I was always like a nerdy science person. And when I had my first daughter, the first of two, I sort of had this like epiphany of kind of wanting to do something artistic. And it started with writing. So I kind of became a writer then, and I've been writing ever since. But when the girls came into my life through the boys, because I grew up with eight boys on the street. (Lesley: Wow) And yeah, so I was definitely like a tomboy, kind of, like always trying to prove I was tough... And then I had my first baby, and then you realize, like, all the emotions come spilling out. So that happened. So I started writing. And then I was definitely like searching for. I think friendships that were sort of deeper, and where I could be more myself. (Lesley: Hmm) And I could be, be wrong and be failing and be struggling. And that would be okay. And then the girls, you know, kind of married into this boyhood that I was in a part of. And we very quickly realized that because we had all these kids, there's eight daughters, between the three of us.

You all have, all only girls.

Only girls, (Lesley: and there's eight ...) only girls. (Lesley: Wow) (Lesley and Wild Honey band laughs) Yes, and all of our, all of our husbands were like, "What the hell happened?" But yes, we have eight girls. And so we kind of, we just needed a reason. We felt like, we were like always like, "Oh, we'll get together, we'll get together and then ... blow that off. (Lesley: Yeah) It's so easy to be like, "I can't because I got to drive here and this is going on." So we decided we needed like a real reason and something that would make us show up. And that's where the band came from. So that's sort of how I got here. I'm still a writer, I've published a novel, and I've got another one on the go here. And but for the band, that's sort of where the band started nine years ago, and we're still going strong.

Lesley Logan 7:11  

That is amazing. Okay, so Laura, I want you to pick it up, tell everyone who you are. But also, I do, let's make sure we put a pin and come back to that where women tend to do the whole, "Oh, yeah, let's hang out. Let's hang out and then we don't." Right? Wait, we're gonna come back to that. (Wild Honey Band: Hmm) So Laura, tell us everything.

Wild Honey Band 7:29  

Laura: Oh hello, I'm Laura. And I am the violin player in the band. And it's funny because I still, when that rolls out of my mouth, I'm like, "Oh my gosh, I can't believe that." Because when I started with this band, I had been playing an instrument like period in my life for about three months. And it was a violin and I ...

You even play only for three months. You're like, some point, you're like, (Laura: I'm like ...) "I'm gonna play the viol... I'm taking violin lessons."

Laura: Yeah. And usually you wouldn't start with a violin, but ignorance is bliss. And I rolled with it. And yeah, it was, it was a bit of a convoluted way. I've always wanted to be a violin player. And so I signed up my daughter at the time, because I'm just gonna live vicariously through her. And I was sitting at her violin lessons, it was this sort of group lesson. And all us parents were sitting in the back row, like against the wall. And the kids were all playing and I'm like, "Why am I just sitting here? Like, I want to play the violin." So I went down to the music store here in my, our little town and bought this cheap adult sized violin and brought it to our next (Lesley laughs) you know, children's fiddle lesson (Wild Honey Band laughs) and pulled my chair forward from all the rest of the parents, far enough so I can see their looks because I'm like, "Oh, my gosh, I can't believe I'm doing this." And I just started to play along because I'm like, "This is what I want to do." So that's how I started and three months later, like, "Well, I could be in a band ... (Wild Honey Band laughs) (Lesley: Oh my ...) Kind of a bad idea, but a wonderful idea at the same time. So yeah.

Lesley Logan 9:15  

Well, obviously, you're listening to your brain and in your body. Like you're being called into that and to like to take a seat away from where the parents are like that is like, oh, my gosh, scary and out of the comfort (Wild Honey Band: Hmm) zone for everyone. I was listening to a podcast today. This woman was like, "I'm doing adult tap les... lessons. She's like, was like three ladies and a 14 year old whose mother just sat in the room." And I was like, "Why didn't mom... it's an adult tap class. Why didn't mom like ..." But it's true, (Wild Honey Band: Yeah. Totally) because sometimes we think, "Oh, this is for them." And really, you're like, "I want ... thank you for sharing that. That's beautiful." (Wild Honey Band: Yeah.) Alright, Jess, you're up.

Wild Honey Band 9:50  

Jessica: Okay, I'm Jess and I play the guitar in the band. And, I'm also do vocals but I was... So I had, I grew up in Vancouver, BC. And then when I met my husband, we kind of lived all over the place. And then we settled back in Cranbrook where he's originally from. And by the time we settled back here, we just had our third daughter, and life was going great. And I was like, "This is going amazing. I'm kicking ass being a mom and wife and doing all these things." And then shit hit the fan. (Wild Honey Band laughs) And I was all of a sudden, like, "Oh, my God, I'm overwhelmed." Overwhelmed with life, with the kids, with just like settling down, with so many things. And so when (Thank God, Shelby and Laura, were here,) and there was mention of this band, and so many things are going through my head, like, "I can't do that. I had ..." My dad's a professional musician, my brother's a freshman musician. I never went down that road. And I was like, I, like, "I can't, I can't do that." Just thinking of imposter syndrome and all that, but I knew that I needed it. I was like, "I need this. I gotta make this work. I'm just gonna go to the first band meeting." (Lesley and Wild Honey Band laughs)

Shelby: It's another story.

Jessica: So, I showed up, and I was like, "l'll play the drums. That's what I'll do." Because I used to play the drums a little bit for my brother. We didn't have drums. So I grabbed a cardboard box. So like I will start on the cardboard box and give you a little beat. And then from there, I got some bongos, I got a jombay. I got all sorts of different drums, and then settled on the guitar. But that might be a little bit of a better idea for me and, and just started playing and struggled a lot ...

... Did you play the guitar before you were in the band? Like, did you even know what you were doing? (Lesley laughs)

Jessica: No. No. I'd watched a lot, like, I watched my dad a lot, I watched my brother a lot. I'd been around music my whole life and been around all parts of making music and playing and watching from side stage and all of that. So I had been around it a ton, but I was terrified to do it myself because I was terrified, you know, screwing up or sounding bad or whatever. And then ...

Laura: Well, you're brother told you, you sounded horrible.

Jessica: Yes, there was that too. (Lesley and Wild Honey Band laughs)

Lesley Logan 12:23  

Yeah, because people tell us ... no one people say the thing that we already were thinking. Like, that's just like, nail on the cot. Like that is the worst, right? Like when it's and almost, like, I almost wonder if you would even have heard it had you not been saying it to yourself, but it's like, you know, we like you know what I mean? Like, because it's (Jessica: Absolutely) this thing that we're already doubting when someone says it, it just becomes that thing. (Jessica: Absolutely) So that's hard to get over.

Wild Honey Band 12:47  

Jessica: Yeah, it was. And I think you're right, like if I hadn't heard that, or been thinking that if I just been, you know, out there, like, "Oh, I'm gonna start this band. I'm gonna be amazing." I wouldn't heard any of that. But all the things I was doubting, as soon as somebody said, said something, I was like, "Oh, no, oh, no, here it comes." But we just stuck with it. And, and it was the most amazing thing for all three of us. But I you know, speaking, from my own heart, it was I needed it so badly. And it just helped kind of get my life, like, just feeling that I could still that I could still do things. That I, that I didn't have to just sit at home and, and feel like I was kind of in this trap, I guess I felt trapped. And so this just gave an opening to, you know, I can still do all these things. I still can learn something new. I still can, you know, work at something. And I don't know, just get creative. And and it just it opened, it opened a big door for me.

Lesley Logan 12:51  

That's beautiful. Thank you all for sharing that. And I want to say like, I want to kind of go back to you guys decided to have a band practice. Is that because you were having trouble getting together consistently or because you needed to have like, almost felt like you had more and more of a reason to get together than just like three moms hanging out?

Wild Honey Band 14:14  

Shelby: Right? Yeah, I will jump there. Because I think for we, we just sort of felt like there was almost like a bit of a stereotype that as moms if we were going to get together, it was just, you know, all we could do if we got together was like drink wine and talk about celebrities or I don't know. Which not that we don't drink wine because we do. But it seems like like the bo... the men and the men in our lives are all they're amazing guys, but they're all, they all have a lot of different hobbies and they're hunters and they go fishing and hunting and all these things. And we just didn't have the thing that wasn't ... something that seems silly. And I think too, you fall into a trap I think as a woman where you feel so guilty, if you leave your kids for any amount of time with their father, to go and pursue something that might seem selfish at the time, that, you know, sometimes you almost feel like if someone cancels, you're almost relieved. And even if it's just to get together to talk, which is so important, and literally have a four hour band practice, we sometimes spend three and a half hours talking, and kind of working through things that we really needed to work through. But we showed up every time once a week for band practice, because it was this thing that we were doing. And, and I think, you know, it gave us permission to be like, "Here's the kids. This is my time, and I'm going." And I think as women, we we have a hard time finding that, that as moms.

Lesley Logan 15:47  

I ... you're 100% correct. I hate when I hear people say like dad's babysitting. Like that's (Wild Honey Band: Yes) like, I don't I don't have kids, but like, nothing irks me more. (Wild Honey Band: Yeah) It's like, parent too, also a parent also, (Wild Honey Band: Yeah) was part of that, big part of that. (Lesley laughs) (Wild Honey Band: Totally) So I, you know, I think that they, I think also, you said something about how guys have like a hobby. So they have, like, they have football that they watch or whatever sports that they get together. And like, with... it's easy for us just to go. I don't mean like even we don't have kids and my husband's like, "Oh, I'm going to my band practice." And I'm like, "Okay, what do I do?" (Lesley and Wild Honey Band laughs) (Wild Honey Band: Exactly) What do I do? You know, and like, it's it is hard, like my girlfriends who what we get together? It's like, "Oh, let's have coffee." You have like you never get together for coffee that is rarely happening, because that is the easiest thing to cancel. So I love that you ladies created something that can't be canceled. You have to have band practice. (Lesley laughs)

Wild Honey Band 16:45  

Shelby: Yes, yeah, we have a gig, we have to practice on it. And it really changed the priority of doing it. And, and when we did get ... like, that was our time. And it wasn't our time to be looking after the kids. I mean, a lot of times we did have the kids around. But it was something that we were going to like pursue this passion. And it really turned into that for us for sure.

Lesley Logan 17:10  

Laura, and I would love to hear so you guys hear that you're going to have a gig. And you've been playing the violin for three months. (Lesley and Wild Honey Band laughs) Can you take us back? Like what because obviously, like, practicing together and having band practice is one thing like drumming on a box. And like for your girls is like one thing, but actually like doing this in public? Like what was going through your head? And like, how did you get ready for that?

Wild Honey Band 17:34  

Laura: Oh, my gosh, that's yeah, what a great question. Because it was absolutely something that I I really struggled with. And I still struggle with it. Like I still, I still do. And I'm nine years in now. And but at the beginning, I think part of it, you know, I sort of I do sort of joke a little bit like ignorance is bliss, like I really, my ear wasn't developed at that point. And I'm so thankful because I could just, you know, get up and just kind of like, "I don't know if this is sharp or flat, like." (Wild Honey Band laughs) So there is that. But I and you know, the thing about playing the violin too is when you when you're nervous, like for me, your bow starts to shake down your violin. So it's a very, you can almost you can hear the nerves is through the instrument. And so finding ways to, yeah, to sort of ca... and sort of talk myself, to talk myself down and just and and find this place of, you know, what we're doing is really cool. And I had to really hold on to that and be really proud of us because what we were doing was really, really hard. And, and I and I knew that and so being in a place of having to accept that we are going to make mistakes, and we're not going to by any stretch of the imagination be perfect. And, and so we very quickly, I think learned that as a band, one of the things that we really connect well, I think with our audience is, is by being vulnerable. And people really, you know, could see that in us, see, see how vulnerable we were being and and how scary it was. And I think there was some solace and in knowing that there was, there is beauty in allowing people into that part of us and to see it and it really ... this this this unspoken connection between human, one human being to another of this you know, I can be vulnerable and so can you and you know, we are going to make mistakes and we're going to get through those mistakes. And we're going to take these as learning opportunities and you know, sort of cheer each other on and was the thing I had, you know, like, flanked with my, you know, two of my best friends and we were in it together. And so I think that also made it more tolerable. (Lesley and Wild Honey Band laughs)

Lesley Logan 20:14  

Yeah, you're not up there by yourself. (Laura: No) You know, I love that you brought at making mistakes because I remember it was like the last Coachella before, you know everything shut down to tell us like a festival concert down here and (Wild Honey Band: Yeah) both Lizzo and Billie Eilish both forgot their words at the same concert. Like forgot the words to their songs (Wild Honey Band: Yeah) on a stage (Wild Honey Band: Wow) with thousands of people watching, thousands of people and like, the reality is is like, we're all gonna make mistakes. How many times have they sung those songs? You know, and and I just think it's like, ... like we we think that people are expecting perfection. And you know what I watched in the documentary because Billie Eilish, her moment was on her documentary, and people were just singing the words for her. They just started singing for her. And (Wild Honey Band laughs) so I think we have to give people the opportunity to celebrate us and support us and you know, ((Wild Honey Band: Yeah) yeah.

Wild Honey Band 21:14  

Laura: I think one of the things too, I've learned is people don't really, it's hard to be around a so called quote unquote, "perfect person." Right? It's not like super comforting. It's not a great feeling to be around something that in your eyes is perfect. I don't I just I think you know, your own faults just become so like highlighted then. And you're just like, "Oh my gosh..." like, and so we certainly give people an opportunity to be around imperfection. (Lesley and Wild Honey Band laughs) (Lesley: Yeah) (Jessica: Yes, you do.)

Lesley Logan 21:51  

Well, we always say like... (Laura: There's the sound bite.) Yeah. You do. You that is a sound bite. Well, they'll get a quote card on that for sure. But (Wild Honey Band laughs) I, we go, hear at the pod like nobody wants to be friends with perfect, like nobody. (Wild Honey Band: Totally) Nobody and I was on someone else's pod. And they asked, they asked and I'm like, "I think about it." Like when you go to a perfect person's house. Like when everything is perfect. You're like, "Are my, (Wild Honey Band: It sucks.) are my socks even clean enough?" To be honest... (Wild Honey Band: Do they match?) Right? Did they, probably not. I'm probably like, two ankle socks. It's not a big deal. (Lesley and Wild Honey Band laughs) (Wild Honey Band: Totally) So ...

Wild Honey Band 22:26  

Shelby: Jess, I think you should tell Lesley just real quick what our first song was called.

Lesley Logan 22:29  

Yeah, I need to hear this.

Wild Honey Band 22:30  

Jessica: Yes. Okay. So our first song was called "Perfect ain't real." (Lesley and Wild Honey laughs) And we wrote it in Nashville. And it was all about not being perfect. And just about what we were just talking about. And we played it. My dad had us out to Vancouver to just help us with our music. And we played the song for him. And then after he just paused for a while, and and he's like, "Are you girls, okay?" (Lesley and Wild Honey Band laughs) ... And we're like, "Yeah, we're actually great." And he's like, "That was awesome." But yeah, that was our first song. And wow, we played that on stage a couple times. And yeah, it was ... (Laura: It was in tears.) it was important for ... there was tears. Yeah. And it was important for us to just write those words because I think at the time, we were all trying to be perfect moms and perfect wives and perfect in our jobs and perfect everywhere. And and then, you know, with that mindset, like you just, you start to become not okay with failure, and you start judging yourself and everything. It's just a terrible mindset to be in. So as soon as we released that, and we were like, "Hey, we are not perfect. We're not close to being perfect." And that is what that's really the beautiful part of us, you know, when we're coming together and we're, we're okay, just being who we are flaws and all and we're going to let other people know that that's okay, too. And that's where a lot of our songwriting has come from, and, and our message when we're when we're playing our shows.

Lesley Logan 24:08  

So because you have eight girls, between the three of you is that like, I just imagine that how amazing it is for them to have three women in their lives because obviously like you're probably two aunts, or some one of you is probably an aunt ... (Lesley and Wild Honey Band laughs) And to have all these women in your lives not trying to keep up this perfection. I mean, have you seen, is that affected your daughter's childhood? Have you seen it be different than the way that you were raised? Like is it was that even something you were even consciously aware of when you were doing this or it's like a great thing that's happened?

Wild Honey Band 24:46  

Jessica: Well, I'll jump in quickly there. I was raised in a home that really was a very loving accepting home, so I, the whole perfection thing didn't come, I was never expected to be perfect growing up. But I do, I put the own pressure on myself. And I think that, as I saw what that was doing, to me putting that pressure on myself, like I started to get really bad anxiety and really struggling with that. And I just decided, like, "I don't want my girls to feel this way." Shelby and Laura as well, like we all talked about that just wanting our girls to just feel love for, you know, between the eight of them, they're also different, they all have different interests. And I think just sort of allowing that their own personalities to grow and giving them space so that they can be unique in their own way and not feel like they have to fit some mold that, you know, you're constantly trying to be shoved into just what society. So our message, I think, it has been really strong to them. And, and has been, I think they just, they really admire what we're doing. And they they're really proud of us and to see them, you know, at our shows so we can ... you know, they're recently at a show of ours, and we're sitting singing to them, and they're looking at up at us, was just an incredible, incredible moment. (Lesley: So cool.)

Shelby: Yeah, I'll just jump in, because the song that we sent to the show, I think you'll might play it at the end, but it's called "Blood Harmony." And I wrote that song watching my girls, when they were little, because they had this amazing relationship as as sisters. And I think it's something as women were, you know, they were they were the hardest on each other. But they were also the most loving. And there was so much forgiveness in the way they went back and forth. And I watched it and I realized that in our 20s and 30s, we might as women kind of lose that a bit. And then it just seems so precious to me this sisterhood. And this, like having each other's backs and I actually had gone through during the life of the band gone through kind of I don't know what you'd call it, someone kind of publicly attacked me. And it was really, really hard. And it took a major toll on me and on my family and my girls here, were always there for me through the whole thing, and I don't know how I would have gotten through it without them. And it's sort of like just kind of getting your people around you. And you don't need to have that many but you're special people that love you. And I saw that in my si... my girls. And I feel it with with these girls that I again, I didn't have sisters growing up. So there's this special bond with women when we when we like strip away anything that we're pretending to be and just be who we really are, you know, so that that kind of came up in the songwriting and and we've watched the girls you know, we've we've looked after them through this whole experience when we started they were seven to zero. And now just today actually Anna, Laura's oldest daughter turning 17 ... (Laura: Yeah)

Lesley Logan 26:51  

17 Laura? Your daughter is 17?

Wild Honey Band 28:13  

Laura: She's 17 today. It's 10, 10, 10, years. (Shelby: Yeah)

Lesley Logan 28:19  

Oh my goodness, you have a little Aquarian on your hands. (Laura: I do.) (Lesley and Wild Honey Band laughs) I only know... a dollar only know the sign that I'm in. So (Lesley and Wild Honey Band laughs) Like a true Aquarian ... (Wild Honey Band: Totally) I just have to say Shelby, that is a I really want to, it is interesting thing because when we go back in time in life, and life how we used to be very tribal, as far as like the women work together, they cook together, they raised the kids together. And like, I had a guest on Jenn Pike, and I feel like it was her, it was I've talked to her three times. So it could have been a different conversation. My feel like in that podcast were you know, even when we were having our cycle, there were actual women who who cycle on purpose was on the opposite, so that they could care for all the women so that the women could actually just be in that space. And just take care and nurse because they're like building a fucking organ everyone so like ... (Lesley and Wild Honey Band laughs) that they could like friends and I just think that like what you're talking about is the thing that like, as glorious as it is to live in the times we do. One of the things we've lost and especially in women is this idea of like being together and and sharing truthfully and vulnerably. And, you know, even Glennon Doyle mentioned like she was at a park with her kids one day and some was like, "Oh, how are you?" And Glennon it's like, "You know, you know how there's all volcanoes that are dormant. But they could go up at any they could go at any time." Right? (Wild Honey Band laughs) I feel like that. And the woman like looked at her like she was like crazy. (Wild Honey Band: What?) Like, we should remove your children. And she's like, "Oh, we're not we're not doing that, we're not doing that." And what you are all doing with your, with your band, what you're actually showing your daughters, and even the people who see you is like, no, you actually should get together and you do need to share your feelings. And you do need to have people that you're with regularly. And so I think it's just really beautiful, beautiful. And we will be playing that song at the end, everyone. So stay at the end (Wild Honey Band: Thank you) please. So we're nine years in and and you know, really like, y'all were being it messy action all the way. Now that it's nine years, do you all do have like a system? Are you still kind of just like, seeing how it goes? Like, what's the what's, what's, what's the new norm with it, now?

Wild Honey Band 30:42  

Laura: That's a really good question. It's funny, because one of the songs that like, one of our songs that we're recording right now is called, is is called "Let It Roll." And it the song itself, those words mean something very different than I'm about to say right now. But that sort of version of like, let it roll, like you don't know, I think we try to control so much as women in our lives because it's the world is a scary place. And that things happen and, you know, scary stuff happens. And we you know, we can get hurt. And, and I think that sometimes it's just letting go and, and letting things having this sort of faith to yeah, see where it takes you and not trying direct it too much, I think is is in the last few year. Well, of course, in the last few years, I mean, so much has been out of our control in the last few years. And, and we have such busy lives. And you know, things come out of the blue, like, you know, Jess has horses and all of a sudden, we're like we're slipping onto this gig. And now three of our horses are headed on a five hour trip to the vet, like you don't know what happens, or, you know, somebody gets COVID, which is, you know, one of our kids, which is why we're not all here together in person today. (Lesley and Wild Honey Band laughs) So you just kind of have to, I think find this place of faith to let things go and, and and go with it. And it's funny that I am the person that (Lesley and Wild Honey Band laughs) ... (Jessica: It was like, "Go Laura.") You two and I'm like, "Oh.") In the band, I'm the person that doesn't want to do that, like I am the more sort of plan or like let's let's have things kind of at the ready. And I think that you know, these two wonderful ladies are still teaching me this and I really see the value in it. Because now you know we have, I have lived it. I've lived it, you know alongside them. And I also see the beautiful places it can take you.

Lesley Logan 32:52  

That's beautiful. I, you know, I think we, I think Laura... I'm very similar. I'm very like, I'm like, "We can do this. I'll let it roll. It's gonna be fine." I'm like, but did we do it on time, but (Lesley and Wild Honey Band laughs) we do it on time because I'm (Lesley laughs) so but my husband is like, he's like, "Lesley for five minutes, it's not a big deal. It is a very big deal." Like the time said this, people are excited. (Wild Honey Band laughs) You know, so I do think having people in your lives who, who, like remind you, that's going to be okay, because I think deep down you and I know it's gonna be okay. And we can't control everything. And it is exhausting to do that. But it's hard to let that go at the same time, people like you and I being there, things do get done at some time.

Wild Honey Band 33:36  

Jessica: Oh, yeah. (Lesley and Wild Honey Band laughs) We also, we need our Laura in the band too. Because (Oh, yeah) there's a lot of times where we had needed her to just be like, "Okay, ladies, let's stay on task here." That that also I just wanted to add on to to we've really made it a priority in our lives, the band. And we we decided on Thursday band practices, and we there on the calendar, our families know, we know, and we make it happen because it is one of those things that, "Okay, well, we'll just you know, see you next time band practice," if it's not on the calendar, it can easily get missed for a few weeks. And then you know, that can roll into months or however long so we have really all decided to make it a priority and it feels so good. It feels so good to not only see each other on a regular basis but to really have that commitment level there. It really and it shows in our work and what we can produce and it it just it... Yeah, it feels good.

Lesley Logan 34:42  

Yeah, so for the person who was like, "Okay, but I don't, I'm not I'm not here to be on this planet to play music. I'm just saying we use band as like insert whatever it is ladies, you can be tap dancers. You could be you know, you can become mixologist in your practice." But how did you get the families because this is like eight kids, spouses like it is what, was like the thing that got everyone to go, "Okay, you can go." How did you get people on board so you can meet on Thursdays?

Wild Honey Band 35:11  

Shelby: Yes, I love to jump this because I was just thinking about that I, I totally agree with you Lesley. And it's interesting, I don't want anyone to think that they're here ... Then, musicians or that like we weren't. But also even, even if you don't have any musical interest in you, or whatever, whatever it is, even let's say it's like ... to read and this is your book club. I think that the key to it is, you have to believe that it's really important. And as soon as because we had ... times where we were like, "Ha ha ha. I think we're gonna start a band. And ha ha ha, it's funny." And then we, we all the three of us sat down shortly after we started this. And we said, it's not funny, it's real. And if we don't believe it, then everyone out no one else will believe it. Like that it's that it's important ... So we had to decide that that was important to us and we did that. And then we said with we stopped laughing. And we just said, "We have band practice today." And whether it's, I have my book club tonight, or I have my writers group, or I have my tap dancing, or I have my torque class, whatever it doesn't matter. But if that's if you say it with conviction, then I hope that your family would respect that. (Lesley: Yeah) And we had to learn that. (Lesley: Ah...)

Laura: And it was the same for all three of us. We all (Shelby: Yeah) three did that exact thing. (Shelby: Yeah) (Jessica: Exactly)

Lesley Logan 36:37  

That is the best. That is the best that is like you have, you have to believe it. And I think that is where a lot of people get stuck because they either want to control like, "Oh, if I'm not ... It has to be like this for be... for me to believe it. Or when I have this and I'd like ..." You guys, you all just had to go, "... nope, we're having band practice. We believe in this, this matters." And I just, I'm so grateful that our paths crossed, like nothing happens, your happenstance like that was meant to be meant to be, like, took me four different, five different COVID tests to get into that room. But I ... (Lesley and Wild Honet Band) But we got there ... (Jessica: Yeah, you did.) Yeah, I know. The other day, Brad was like, "We didn't actually do like all any international traveling." I was like, "We went to Canada. Don't you remember?" That was ... (Lesley and Wild Honey Band laughs) So ladies, um, so I will have to have you back because I just, I think that our listeners could learn a lot from you. And so maybe we'll have to get some questions in because I just think that the three of you have such different backgrounds. But and but you all have the same universal need that I think every woman does, which is like to feel like they belong, to feel like they do something that matters, and to be heard. And and I'm just so grateful that you three exist because even in your music, you're sharing that with people and you're opening those doors up. So we're gonna take a brief break and then we're come back so you all can find out you can listen to their music and follow them. So stay tuned right after this.

Alright ladies, where can people find you, follow you. Tell you howhow amazing you are and how you've changed their lives and they're all gonna start a band. Where's ...(Lesley and Wild Honey Band laughs) (Wild Honey Band: Yes, do it.)

Wild Honey Band 38:28  

Laura: We'll be cheering for you. (Shelby: Yes, we will.) Basically, it Wild Honey Band 3 is how to search us up. So on, we've got a website wildhoneyband3.com. Instagram @wildhoneyband3, Facebook we're Wild Honey Band. Our music is also on iTunes and you'd search it through Wild Honey - Distant Skies is the name of our album.

Lesley Logan 38:57  

Cool. Well, we'll have links to all of that in the show notes. I can't wait to listen to the whole album. And after the show is over stay on. I know people like the bounce but there's going to be the song and you're going to want to listen to it, you'll can save the episode in your phone and come back to it. Okay, so before I let you ladies go and it's not Thursday, so I know you don't have band practice but ... (Lesley and Wild Honey Band laughs) BE IT action items. This is where I really you know, it's one thing to be inspired and it's not I'm like but you have to take action and you can't, you know I'm with you, Laura you and I have to work on we can't control things, I have to let them roll. (Laura laughs) But we also have to take some action towards the thing that we want. So bold, executable, targeted, intrinsic things. What are y'all, what do you think listeners should do?

Wild Honey Band 39:42  

Shelby: My first thing would be to, sit with yourself and identify who are the the women or men that you would want to do anything with. Or trust or and not that you have to do with anybody, but if you're thinking that, I would say that, it sure helps to do it with somebody else. And I think that just sending somebody right now, if you can think of your if you've got a special friend or somebody that you think might want to do something with you send them a text, and just say, "Right now, I'm thinking that we need to do something. I don't know what it is, let's meet. And let's, let's do something." And I think it has to start with that. I think it has to start ... with somebody that you trust. And maybe that person hasn't heard from you, in a long time and I don't know. But I find those little texts where we just say, "Hey, you're important to me," are so important. And that little tiny bit of connection where you're like, "I'm thinking about you." And I know, I don't know if that even is starts towards any kind of career. But for me, that's, that's huge.

Lesley Logan 40:50  

I think that is so important. I do and I think especially, like, I love that you said, "I don't know what it is." Like, that's okay, everyone in the transcriptions, you can just copy and paste what she said, you don't have to rethink it, it's gonna be down there. Copy and paste and send it to people because, you know, I think it is so true. And sometimes the people that we do talk to all the time are not necessarily the person that you might be sending this text to and that's okay. But I have, I heard a quote today, you're 30s and 40s are for letting the people go, that actually don't light you up. (Wild Honey Band laughs) So send that to the person that you're like, "Every time I'm with them, I feel good about myself." That's who that ... (Shelby: Yeah) Thank you for that Shelby. All right, Jessica, what do you got for us?

Wild Honey Band 41:28  

Jessica: I would say, show up. If you make a plan to do you know what you what you want to do show up. It's very easy to cancel. It's very easy to say, "No, or I don't have time for this or I should be doing something else or I feel guilty or..." Get rid of all of that. And just show up for the thing you want to do it will be worth it. Believe in yourself, believe in what it is you want to do. Even if you think it's a crazy idea. Just believe in it, show up and it'll go from there.

Lesley Logan 42:01  

Yeah, yeah. Well, I agree. Laura.

Wild Honey Band 42:05  

Laura: See, that's why I picked these girls, Aren't they amazing? (Lesley and Wild Honey Band laughs) I would say, I'm gonna piggyback on onto Shelby's and take it one step farther. So find the people, yeah to find those people. And then I think the way that we speak to our friends flip it and use that as a as a voice for yourself towards yourself. Because I think we're so hard on ourselves. But yet we'll we will gift you know these words to our friends with ease. And I think we are our own selves the thing that gets in the way the most so if we can just start trying to speak to yourself once in a while as you would a friend it starts to create a whole new language ... to yourself.

Lesley Logan 42:57  

Oh my gosh, I am so in love with all of you. Like so ... (Shelby: We love you too.) I, like like, Thank you for lining up. I mean, I swear these interviews are half this for me because I just want to have amazing conversations with people but you know it is on the day we're recording this is my Friday afternoon and like if I'd been on Zoom for eight hours a day, five days this week in a training and I'm just like, "Whoo, here we go." And you know, this conversation is literally like one of this is what why I created this podcast. This is this is it like because women like you are being it till you see it and you're trying to change the women around you, trying to change the world to be that place and I think you know I'm just so grateful that you found each other. And like the universe went back pretty far to make sure that you three on each other's path there was like many boys need to be born in one street. (Lesley and Wild Honey Band laughs) (Shelby: So true.) Oh my gosh, (Shelby: I love that) well, I can't wait to connect and catch up with you all. Um, thank you for taking time out of your busy busy lives and happy birthday to Laura's daughter and and thank you also for letting us play this beautiful song for our listeners and we will we'll have you back. Everyone, please do us a huge favor, screenshot this, tag Wild Honey on Instagram, @wildhoneyband3 Instagram on and @be_it_pod with your takeaway. And even if your takeaways, "I love the song," then tag them (Shelby: We would love that.) and everyone now can put links on Instagram, everyone can do it that there's the people with all the followers so you have the power to like literally change anyone who follows you to make sure that they hear this beautiful message that these women are often doing. So tag them, tag us with your takeaways and until next time, Be It Till You See It.

Lesley Logan 44:51  

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review. And follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcasts. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the @be_it_pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others BE IT TILL YOU SEE IT. Have an awesome day!

'Be It Till You See It' is a production of 'As The Crows Fly Media'.

Brad Crowell 45:24  

It's written, produced, filmed and recorded by your host Lesley Logan and me, Brad Crowell. Our associate producer is Amanda Frattarelli.

Lesley Logan 45:35  

Kevin Perez at Disenyo handles all of our audio editing.

Brad Crowell 45:39  

Our theme music is by Ali at APEX Production Music. And our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan 45:48  

Special thanks to our designer Jaira Mandal for creating all of our visuals (which you can't see because this is a podcast) and our digital producer, Jay Pedroso for editing all video each week so you can.

Brad Crowell 46:00  

And to Angelina Herico for transcribing each of our episodes so you can find them on our website. And, finally to Meridith Crowell for keeping us all on point and on time.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Clarity leads to confidence. Clarity leads to process. Laugh along with Brad and LL as they talk about clarity and how to find it admidst life’s changes. 

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected] .

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.

In this episode you will learn about:

  - How to begin in the collaborating world

  - Soul mapping and tracking your improvements 

  - “Life Lifes” and how you deal with the change

  - Getting clarity to move forward 

  - Recognizing why you are hurrying to relax and prioritize. 

Episode References/Links:

  - Retreat

  - Soul mapping: Tori’s resources

OPC Flashcards:

• OPC Flashcards are on Amazon
• OPC Flashcards are on our site

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox.

Resources

• Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube!
• Lesley Logan website
• Be It Till You See It Podcast
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTube
• Profitable Pilates

Social Media

• Instagram
• Facebook
• Tik Tok
• LinkedIn

Episode Transcript:

Lesley Logan 0:01  

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guests will bring Bold, Executable, Intrinsic and Targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.

Welcome back to the Be It Till You See It interview recap where my co hosts in life, Brad and I are going to dig into the abundant convo I have with Tori Gordon in our last episode. If you haven't yet listened that episode, stop this now, go back and listen to that, or listen to this and then go listen to that. Or, you know, listen to some and then some of the other, whatever you want to do. If you do you, this is the life that you're being it till you see it. So have fun and just see how it goes. Well, we are really close to The WE+LLthy Mindset with Erika Quest kicking off. And (Brad: Oh yeah) I'm really excited because this is something we only do annually. So it's like we work on it for a year. (Brad: Yeah) Percolates, sits there, she and I work on it for a year and then we do it. So I'm just really excited to actually like do the thing. But then I'm gonna have sadness, because then we're done with the thing. So anyways, that kicks off soon. And, Brad, isn't it so exciting, our retreat doors are open... (Brad: To the public. Yeah) For the for the fitness business studio owner and teacher (Brad: Yeah) retreat.

So this is Profitable Pilates, if you are running a fitness business and you're feeling stuck, or you feeling like you're just kind of in a hamster wheel, where you're, you're like, just managing all your clients, and you know that whole, like, take a look back, look back at the last six to 12 months and be like, like, "Did you move the ball forward?" Right? And if the answer that is, you're feeling frustrated, and you're not really sure how you're moving it forward. Come join us (Lesley: Yeah) in, you know, in October. So it's going to be amazing. The first one we had was a couple of weeks back. And I'll tell you it was incredible experience we had, like 24 ladies (Lesley: Yeah) out of place (Lesley: none on zoom and 24 in person) Yeah. Wow. It was really ama... an incredible experience. I'm sure you've heard us talk about it multiple times. But if you want more information about that, just go to profitablepilates.com/retreat. (Lesley: Mm-hmm) And you will see everything there. If you have any questions, you can just send us a DM or, you know, ask any questions, ask all the questions. (Lesley: Yeah) I'm actually even happy to jump on a call with you. (Lesley: Yeah) So let us know.

Yeah, we're I'm, I just I can't wait to see who else signed up for that we're already pretty much half filled, or at least at the time of recording this actually, we could be filled by the time you hear this. So ...

Brad Crowell 3:00  

That's also true.

Lesley Logan 3:04  

Lesley: That's also true. (Brad laughs) But the people ...

Brad Crowell 3:09  

In that case, get on the waitlist.

Lesley Logan 3:11  

Yeah, the people who have signed up already that I'm just like, I can't even wait to have them here and like, get my hands on them and their business and in all the best ways, all the good ways. So what is our audience question?

Brad Crowell 3:24  

This is a fun one. So if you haven't heard Erika Quest has been coaching inside of Agency. (Lesley: Mm-hmm) And she only makes her coaching available inside of Agency now. (Lesley: Mm-hmm) And that is Lesley and I feel super honored that she that she's here with us, and that she's coaching instead of Agency, because she's brilliant. (Lesley: Yeah) And the question was, "How did you start collaborating with someone as amazing and, you know, (Lesley: Yeah) famous as Erika Quest?"

Lesley Logan 4:00  

Yeah, yeah, like, and also like, because I'm assuming the person is wanting to also figure out ways to collaborate. And, you know, I'll say like, I'll tell you my story, you can see yourself in it, and then I'll give you some tips. So, Erika actually reached out to me, because I was putting out content around business advice. And she was doing the blogging for business advice for Bounce Body. And so, you know, she, she was looking for people who were doing what she was needing that for. And then she reached out to me, we did not become fast friends. We just became acquaintances. And then we would see each other on the like tours at the, thing, but it was a slow going like we'd see each other twice in one year and then like, we talked in between a little bit and then we had a phone call and I asked her for some advice. She asked me for some advice. So as we like, built a friendship, and then I was very clear with her what my goals were, and she was clear with me on her goals were and we support each other. And that has led to a collaboration. And so what I would just say is like, collaborations come, it's like dating, everything goes back to dating. (Brad: Yeah, right.) You can not go to bed with someone on the first night and expect amazing collaboration. Some people get married on the first date. And yes, there are stories that works out. Not everyone who got married, the first date does that. We've all seen 90 Day Fiancé. So my point is ... (Brad laughs)

Brad Crowell 5:26  

Except for Brad, but yeah, sure.

Lesley Logan 5:28  

He haven't seen it but he has, he can envision it. So the point is, like, warm up to people, share, be vulnerable, tell them what your goals are, ask them what their goals are, and then see where your goals align, and then do little things together. Not a full on retreat, not a full on program, like an hour long thing. (Brad: Right) And then maybe a two hour long thing and really see if you like to work with the person, if you like their values for work or their work ethic, because we have had collaborations that monetarily were successful. But on the other side, were not as successful. And so not everyone's gonna be the right partner. But you know, and also again, took time, I think she must have reached out to me in 2017. Yeah ...

Wow. I mean, that was (Lesley: Yeah) before we were doing. That was like, Agency started in 2018.

Yeah, so she reached out to me when we were just blogging (Brad: Hmm) cuz it was just my blogs and my book. (Brad: Right) And I've been (Brad: Wow) doing that for a while.

And then she didn't join us as a coach until 2021. (Lesley: Yeah) So years later.

Yeah. (Brad: Wow) Yeah. And we didn't do WE+LLthy Mindset together until 2021. We did another thing together in 2020, with Mychele Sims and Tosh Edwards. (Brad: Right) Um, and that was our first like, actual four way... (foray?) (Brad: foray) foray. (Brad: foray) I'm also say it four way because it was but not that kind. (Brad laughs) But like it was, so that was our first time working together and actually, like, marketing something together and with some other people. And so again, test it out (Brad: Yeah) before you like, really like, before we like sign on deadlines of contracts. We tested a lot of things out. (Brad: Yeah) So collaborations are amazing. But you know, it's okay, if one didn't work out. It's like dating. You didn't marry your first boyfriend or girlfriend either. Maybe you did and lucky you. (Brad laughs)

Brad Crowell 7:19  

Okay, awesome. Now let's talk about Tori Gordon. From finally reaching a breakthrough to recognizing how to express her grief. Tori Gordon has now made it her life's mission to provide tools to transform lives. Tori is an Award-Winning Content Creator, Founder of The Coachable Podcast, Trauma Informed Breathwork Facilitator. She's a Master Coach and your biggest supporter to helping you achieve your highest potential.

Lesley Logan 7:52  

Yeah, so she, you know, what's crazy is I someone introduced me to her and said, "You two should do a podcast swap." (Brad: Ha!) And then Amber Shaw, our dear friend. (Brad: Yeah) She said, "Oh my gosh, I have to introduce you my friend Tori." And I was like, "I'm already having a call with her. We are already having a call." (Brad laughs) So it's just kind of funny how like, the world is so small. (Brad: That's funny.) Yeah. (Brad: I didn't know that.) And, Tori went to the same Breathwork Training that I am finishing up. So

That's I was wondering, so yeah, cuz Trauma Informed Breathwork Facilitator sounded familiar. I was like, "Wait a minute." (Lesley: Yeah, yeah.) Light bulb.

Same here. But yeah, so it just like, I mean, she went through, you know, a several years ago. So but it's it's just like, like attracts like, somehow you'll just actually meet people by putting yourself out there and asking for what you need. (Brad: Right?) So, yeah. So what I love one of the she said so many things.

Brad Crowell 8:46  

Yeah, there was, this is like, packed. (Lesley: This is a packed podcast.) Yep. (Lesley: Um, and ...) I literally listened to it twice to prepare for the recap, because I was like, "Woah!"

Lesley Logan 8:56  

Yeah, there's some really great stuff. And, and one of the things she talked about was her soul mapping. And she actually made a freebie for y'all. So it's in the show notes. But ...

It's in the show notes on the last episode, we'll put it in this one too.

Okay. Look at that, just making it easy. So she talks about soul mapping and what that means, like tracking and bringing attention to your improvement. And I just love this because I really don't think that we, as a human, society actually focus on what we did do. And we don't give credit on on any improvement because like, we we think that like the finished like, it has to be X high to get the gold star. And if it's halfway there, then it's not a gold star. And it's like actually, especially in the beginning, little, little improvements are very compounding, you know, like, they're just, they're just very compounding. And we can't, we can't discount that. So like yeah, maybe you didn't run around the whole block, but you ran at the corner. (Brad: Yeah ...) And the more you do that's gonna be easier.

Brad Crowell 9:57  

I'm not gonna lie. I've been experiencing this myself. (Lesley: Yeah) You know, you know where I'm going with this. (Lesley: Yeah, Brad and I went for a run.) Yesterday, I decided to go for a run (Lesley: Yeah) for like the first time in like, years. (Lesley: How far did you go?) I made, I set a timer. I thought, "Alright, I'm gonna do 20 minutes, and I'm gonna run one direction for 10. And then when the timer goes off, I'll set the timer again. And I'll run 10 minutes back." And I made it about two blocks. And then I walked. (Brad laughs) (Lesley: Yeah, so you walk until your timer) And then I started running (Lesley: went over) and then I started walking. And then I started running and then I started walking. And I thought, "Damn, I'm out of shape." But I also thought, "Alright, you know, like I can, I can dig it." You know, I mean, I remember when I was younger, like being out on the soccer field and having no subs. You had a run for 90 minutes. I don't know how I did that, then, you know.

Lesley Logan 10:53  

Youth. But also (Brad: Yeah, youth) like, also consistency. But so what you ... (Brad: Yeah, consistency was certainly part of it.) What you can do now as you can pick another day to go for a run and do the same route. And if you run a little further than two blocks, you can track that. And then if (Brad: Yeah) you walk a little less, so this is something like ...

But then I can celebrate it and be like, "Hey, I made it two and a half blocks or I made three blocks."

You can celebrate that you even went outside, the intention is still there, whether (Brad: Yeah) you do it or not, is actually the extra credit. And, and and for my overachievers listening, I promise you this is life changing. But you know, I don't run once it gets hot in the morning. So then when it gets cool in the morning, I have to start a new and ...

Oh, so literally, you're doing this every year.

... every year now that we're in Vegas. (Lesley: Yeah) I run from the house until I like give myself a mark. And then I walk the route we're gonna run. And then you know, a week later, I tried to go half a block longer or a block longer or two like and then all of a sudden, we're running around three blocks longer. It is (Brad: Hmm) crazy how compounding it is. But you got to give your muscles the ability to get strong, to get ready so that you're not so sore. The next day, you don't want to do this, it's gonna be working out. It could be anything, it could be writing poetry, sitting down for three (Brad: Yeah) hours, write poetry is going to be exhausting if you've never sat down and wrote wrote poetry for three hours. But eventually, you get in this flow state. I was talking with Claire the other night about she was, she was just like, "I'm gonna write for 30 minutes." And, and she ended up writing for an hour and a half. But that's because she's been practicing writing for 30 minutes. (Brad: Right) So, tracking and bring attention to your improvements and celebrating that you did. That is so so important. You will actually go further if you pat yourself on the back more often.

Yeah, celebrating is is, I feel like it's the key.

Yeah. (Brad: You know) Yeah, it is. It's free dopamine, by the way. It's free. You don't have to, you don't have to scroll on Instagram to get it. You can actually get to yourself. (Brad: Yeah) What did you love?

Brad Crowell 12:51  

Well, yeah, so she said something that made me laugh really hard. She said, "Life lifes." And I thought that's, that's, that's fucking brilliant. (Brad laughs) Effectively, that life is uncertain and that change is inevitable, right? And, for me, it's the reason I connected with this is because I've always said, "Change is good." Like, forever, I said that since I was yea big, "Change is good. Change is good." Right? And, but she she kept coming back to this idea of like, being in the moment. And, and being willing to able, willing and able to roll with it when life lifes. Right? Because what do we say, "Oh, life got in the way." Yeah, you know, like, "Shit, I hit the fan. Life got in the way or whatever. COVID." Like, (Lesley: Yeah) you know, we just say that we now that become these like blanket statement terms. And I just thought it was so funny, life lifes, (Lesley: Yeah) you know. And I was like, "Wow, brilliant." So you know, being able to allow for change to happen that is unexpected, right? Like we all want some kind of change to happen in our lives in a good way. Because we got up we got a strategy, we got a plan, we're going in a direction, right? But what if you don't actually, what if something derails that plan or, you know, whatever, like, for example, you're going to hear this in a couple of weeks and interview that (Brad laughs) that's coming up, where were one of your guests was talking about being on the way to a gig, and then three of the horses had to go to the vet five hours away. (Lesley: Yeah) And that really complicated things. And then you're like, "Oh, what are we gonna do?" Well, you got it life lifes, so you got to do... (Lesley: Yeah) you got to deal with it.

Lesley Logan 14:34  

Yeah. (Brad: You know) It's, I mean, and that's, and that's something like if you fight it, you waste more time. (Brad: Yeah) Like if you fight life lifing you are actually just like, it's like, it's like trying to push a boulder up a mountain when you could just turn around and let the boulder roll down. You know, like, and then you know, do the other, I don't know, but I'm just I just think that like, ask yourself why you're resisting that change and uncertainty so much because that would be and like, that's a good place to (dog noise) journals.

Brad Crowell 15:03  

Yeah, (Lesley: Hi Gaia) life is, life is uncertain and change is inevitable. So, you know, generally, if you can embrace the change, it will, well, it'll make it easier.

Lesley Logan 15:15  

Yeah, I think it does. I think it's like eating the vegetables you don't like, (Brad: Yeah) you know, (Brad laughs) if you actually eat this, but I know, if you eat them when they're hot, they taste way better than when they're cold. (Brad laughs) So anyways, that's a 9 year old Lesley telling you ... (Brad: That's a quote right there.) (Brad and Lesley laughs) That's a quote Amanda put it on there.

Brad Crowell 15:32  

Alright, so finally, let's talk about those BE IT action items. What bold, executable, intrinsic or targeted action items can we take away from your convo with Tori Gordon? I'm going to jump in. She said, "Become clear on what you want."

Lesley Logan 15:48  

Yeah, I ... (Brad: You know. And I ...) Clarity is so key. If you're like, also, because sometimes we want things because they sound good. So you like I remember writing down on my goals that I wanted to do a yoga teacher training. "What? Why would I do that? Why did I want to do that?"

I thought (Lesley: It's like ...) about that, too. Like, like, pretty seriously thought about doing that.

Yeah. And I realized that I actually just wanted to know the exercises more not actually become a teacher, which saved me thousands of dollars. So

Brad Crowell 16:16  

For me, it wasn't even about the money. It was about the, you know, minimum nine months that it was gonna take me to go through the program. (Brad laughs) You know, like, like time. Right?

Lesley Logan 16:26  

Yeah. But yeah, but you have to be clear on what you want. Because like, if you were like, "Well, I definitely want to teach this." You might have been like, "Okay, well, nine months is like short and the grand scheme of how long are we teaching it." (Brad: Sure) But if you actually just wanted to know the movements better than like, you know, talking about my BE IT action items. I was like, "What are you in a hurry for?" And, you know, so like, why does the nine months bother you? If it bothers you, because you just want to like, actually, like, nerd out for a little bit. And you don't, then then you can be more clear on what you should be searching for. So, so you know, I just what I did, I totally jumped ahead. So what would you like to finish?

Well, yeah, I mean, being clear on what you want, will allow you to also evaluate the the changes that we're talking about where life lifing you know. If you know, if you know exactly what you're going after, or going for or that, you know, that actual path, and then life gets in the way. It will allow you to roll with it, whatever it is a little bit easier. Because here's a perfect example ...

Are you talking about our wedding?

Brad Crowell 17:37  

I am. (Lesley: Oh, my God.) How did you know? (Lesley: I know.) That is so crazy.

Lesley Logan 17:40  

This is so good. You're in my brain.

Brad Crowell 17:43  

So when Lesley and I were planning our wedding, we were reading the book, what's it called? (Lesley: A Practical Wedding) A Practical Wedding. We were reading that book, and the beginning of the book, it says, "Pick three things that are actually important." Only three things, right? (Lesley: Yeah) Of all of the things that are gonna happen or going to be involved with this wedding, "What three things actually matter to you?" And we said, "All right, the people, the food and the music." (Lesley: Yeah) Those are the three things that are important to us about this wedding. And what did we not pick? We did not pick the venue, right? Because for us, the venue was less important or not really important at all the... then the other three things. And you know what happened? I'm sure you've heard the story. Five weeks before we were getting married. Our venue canceled us. (Lesley: Yeah) And that was like, well, that was actually like really, like rock the boat, really actually made us really angry. And it was like, incredibly frustrating people that already bought hotels, rooms. And they were like, you know, like, they'd rented cars or not rent cars because of it. There was so much to like, then that limited where we could go because we couldn't move across town. Because, you know, people were already there. So it was, it was really, really frustrating. And what the only thing that really allowed us to roll with it, you know, to allow life lifing was because we we took a step back and we said, "This isn't one of our three things," (Lesley: No) you know, and because we were clear with what was important to us. When that hit the fan. It was still something we had to deal with and it wasn't fun. But it allowed us to kind of move forward without it (Lesley: Yeah) like, really, you know, making things implode.

Lesley Logan 19:34  

Yeah, no, we actually the wedding didn't have a venue for a week. That was it. Because we actually were able to go, "Well, we just this is what was important to us. So we just need to find a place that allows us to do those things." And we found a better ...

Yeah. We found a super amazing, (Lesley: a better thing) it probably better, I would argue that it is better. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, everything happens when it's supposed to. So yeah, thank you ... that's a fun story. So anyways, (Brad: Yeah) I think you know nothing can but if you're you have to be clear what you want. Otherwise you don't on how to solve a problem when life lifes.

Yeah, totally. So you already kind of spilled the beans here. But (Lesley: I know) you said your biggest takeaway.

"What are you in a hurry for?" So, I'm impatient. Hi, I see you too. (Brad laughs) And the truth is, is that I love deadlines on goals, because they actually force you to take action. (Brad: Sure) But it's okay if you don't hit a deadline. As long as you evaluate why that was it? Why why didn't you meet the deadline? Did you do need more time to work on this thing? Did you actually work on the thing? Why didn't you work on the thing? Just like getting some clarity around it. Because when you ask yourself, like, "Why does this have to happen on this date?" You can actually get some information like, is it because you just want it to happen? And you want to have a now? Does it, like could it happen at a later date? Would that make it better? Just knowing why you're, what you're in a hurry for will actually allow you to understand like, "Why are you making a deadline of launching a website in a week? Like, what is there a reason?" Now there might be, there might be a reason, but then at least you know.

Brad Crowell 21:07  

Yeah, I mean, are ... is the timeline arbitrary? Did you create the timeline? And that can be a good thing. It can also just be an incredible amount of stress. (Lesley: Mm-hmm) If there isn't truly a reason, like I used to work for a company that the the boss was like, "When do you want it?" You know and the answer was always "Now." Always for every single thing and ...

Lesley Logan 21:31  

Right. Which is also not okay, because then everything is a priority, which means nothing's a priority.

Brad Crowell 21:35  

Yeah, that mean ... Yeah. You didn't let me finished exactly that point. But yes, yes. So the point was then that it was a clusterfuck. Everything was like a super crazy hurry. Right? For no reason, literally no reason. And so then it was like, "Well, you didn't know actually what the, what I should be working on." And, and then it to make it even worse, you didn't know what question you were going to be asked about what project. So it was, it was incredibly stressful, and it caused unnecessary stress. And so I think that writing out what you're in a hurry for is a two fold thing. First, it will allow you to focus on like the things that actually matter. But two, it will allow you to calm the fuck down, you know, (Lesley: That's a quote.) because if you're like, "I gotta, I gotta ... I gotta get this done." You can like write down, "What is it that you're actually like stressing about? What are you in a hurry for?" Right? And you can then take a step back from that and go, "Okay, is this actually time sensitive? Does this really have to happen this exact second?" You know, and you'll be able to figure that out in a different, a different manner.

Lesley Logan 22:41  

Yeah, I think it's great. And I also just think, the more clarity, again you have around all the things you want, all the things you're wanting to do, the easier it is going to be for you to see help when it's there. The easier it is for you to see a door opening when it's there, the faster things will actually go. But if you're just making blanket statements, blanket goals without any actual curiosity around them, exploration around them, understanding of what it is that you want. It's just going to make you feel like you're running in circles or maybe you're actually like just missing the turnoff. I'm thinking of National Lampoon when they're just going big ... Like, "Hey, kids, Big Ben." And they just like, they just like can't got out of the turn about (Brad: They're going in circles ...) you know because... Yeah, cuz he has no clarity around where he's going. Right? So anyways, I love Tori. She's great. We'll have to have her back. You can check out on The Coachable Podcast. I'm Lesley Logan.

Brad Crowell 23:32  

And I'm Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 23:33  

Thank you so much for joining us today. How are you going to use these BE IT action items in your life? Tag me at the @be_it_pod and Tori Gordon to let us know. Also just you know, whenever you share a podcast you are literally helping the podcast continue to grow even if you (Brad: Yeah) text it to one person. And so whether it's this podcast or any other podcast you like, currency to them is actually you sharing their podcast, (Brad: Yeah) writing reviews. And so please check her out. Check us out and (Brad: Yeah) share ...

Brad Crowell 23:58  

That person that you just thought, "Wow, they should hear this message." Send them the pod.

Lesley Logan 24:02  

Yes, please. (Brad: Yep) And and and it will actually continue to change everybody. Right? (Brad: Yeah) And then that makes it easier for you to be more curious if everyone around you is more curious. So anyways, until next time, Be It Till You See It.

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review. And follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcasts. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the @be_it_pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others BE IT TILL YOU SEE IT. Have an awesome day!

'Be It Till You See It' is a production of 'As The Crows Fly Media'.

Brad Crowell 24:49  

It's written produced, filmed and recorded by your host Lesley Logan and me, Brad Crowell. Our Associate Producer is Amanda Frattarelli.

Lesley Logan 24:49  

Kevin Perez at Disenyo handles all of our audio editing.

Our theme music is by Ali at APEX Production Music. And our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.

Special thanks to our designer Jaira Mandal for creating all of our visuals (which you can't see because this is a podcast) and our digital producer, Jay Pedroso for editing all video each week so you can.

Brad Crowell 25:25  

And to Angelina Herico for transcribing each of our episodes so you can find them on our website. And, finally to Meridith Crowell for keeping us all on point and on time.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Achieving this vision of a life you want is hard, especially when life is uncertain. Tune in to today’s pod to gain impactful tips to reaching your highest potential despite life twists.  

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected] .

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.

In this episode you will learn about:

• The change you want to happen, happens in the moment
• Recognizing how to surrendering to the moment
• Letting go of controlling the box
• What is the root of your control? 
• Your recovery speed is building your resiliency 
• The two sides of the pendulum
• Becoming accountable to the small goals that will build to your large vision
• Soul Mapping: tracking and bringing attention to your improvements
• “Just Move” - taking the next right step for you 

OPC Flashcards:

• OPC Flashcards are on Amazon
• OPC Flashcards are on our site

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox.

Resources

• Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube!
• Lesley Logan website
• Be It Till You See It Podcast
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTube
• Profitable Pilates

Social Media

• Instagram
• Facebook
• Tik Tok
• LinkedIn

Episode Transcript:

Lesley Logan 0:01  

Hey, Be It babe. What are you doing today? How are you? What's going on? Has anyone told you you're amazing yet? Because you are, you're so amazing. I am really excited for us to have you dive right in to this interview. Tori Gordon is just freakin' the coolest. And she has so much wisdom to share her own life. And she does when she coaches people and I am really, really excited because, you know, being until you see it can be really difficult. It can feel a scary, it can feel uncomfortable. And it's a little hard to be something that you've never been. (Lesley laughs) It can, you can get a little in your head about it. Right? And I think if you listen to this, in fact, I know as you listen to this, you're going to hear all these little gems, all these little ways you can just be in "the now." That you can explore where these fearful thoughts are coming from, where this sense of urgency is coming from. And the more you get to know yourself, the easier it is for you to do everything that you've ever wanted to do, and not with the hustle and the rush in the sense of urgency. And so she is a beautiful soul. And she's got some great support for you. And there's some awesome stuff in the show notes. And I do hope that you have some fun. I would really really love it if you could tell us what your favorite part and takeaway was of this podcast because I truly is what like brightens my day, you know? It's, it's, we've almost been out a year as this podcast comes out. And when I see the the shares of the favorite takeaways, when I see y'all doing and a BE IT action item, like I like it's, it's like the biggest high five, right? It's the biggest compliment. And I ask, I say that because I think it's really, it can get really hard to go, "How do I help this person? How do I let them know how much they helped me?" Honestly, for every podcast you love, not just this one. When you screenshot and share it, you are literally telling them how much you they've helped you. And so anyways, I think this podcast episode is going to be one of those ones that you're gonna re listen to and re listen to, re listen to and write notes and oh, the BE IT action at the end of the conversation just kept going. And we had a little bit more fun. So enjoy this right after this message.

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guests will bring Bold, Executable, Intrinsic and Targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.

All right, Be It listeners, I have the, really the one and only Tori Gordon here. I mean, I'm just so excited to have this woman and share her with you. I happen to have met her through a group that we're in called Brand Builders. And she is just a fire and and a super attractor and she really makes you feel like you can do anything you want. And I got to be on her podcast who definitely have to go to The Coachable Podcast and listen to my episode. But Tori, tell everyone who you are, how did you get to be who you are in this world today? Because you're, you're killing it.

Tori Gordon 3:40  

Well, thanks for having me, it's always good to hang out with you and have time to just catch up. I feel like. Um, yeah, I love Brand Builders group, because it's put me in contact with so many other amazing, mission driven people who are doing really cool things in the world. And um, that's what my you know, my purpose really is, is really about giving people the tools, resources and experiences to transform their lives from the inside out. Like that really happens within us first. And then we see that play out in our reality externally. And I think a lot of us, you know, expect to create different circumstances or get different results before we do any of the inner work. But that's that's really the foundation of everything that I do through The Coachable Podcast, through my speaking and my workshops. I'm also a trauma-informed breathwork facilitator. And I'm online, I mean, I'm a TikToker and creating content really just to inspire people and to move people into action to take advantage of this one precious life that we have. The time and the energy that we have. They're , they are greatest resources and we can never get them back. And that was something that I woke up to, you know, several years ago now. But it was this point for me, recognizing how precious life is, how much of a gift it is to be here around this moment with you having this conversation. And that change that we want to create going forward in our lives happens here. Like in this moment, it doesn't happen in the future. It happens now and it happens in the moment after that, which is the now and the now and the now. So can we just learn to be in the moment?

Lesley Logan 5:27  

Yeah. Oh my gosh. I mean, if you're listening, you can now hear like, exactly why I had to have or did you catch the like filling your cup first that she said in a different way. But like, you gotta, you gotta be it, in it yourself first. You had to heal yourself first. And, and you also talked a lot about people waiting until something happens and then doing the work. And like, that is that's like the opposite of being it. (Tori: Yeah) You know, that's the opposite of how I feel. And so I think we have so much alignment there. And I want to I mean, I too, I think that's how I actually didn't know that your trauma-informed breathwork. And I was like, "Oh, I'm doing that right now." I really love it. It's like one of the best ways to get present. So what... (Tori: Oh my gosh.) So can you talk about like, what it, like, what was the the thing that got you to go, "I need to be in the now." Like, was there a moment or was it just like the whole life just going, "I'm not being very present."

Tori Gordon 6:16  

Well, I think for me, it was the loss of my mother and my sister and I had a lot of losses in my life. But it was specifically after I lost my mom in 2018. I just realized how impermanent things are. And that I was always the person that was planning and like planning for the future, dreaming about the future, preparing to do things, but never, a lot of times never actually getting to the point where I was doing them. I was always just in that, that planning, preparation, dreaming mode, and visualizing what I wanted my life to look like. And it was after losing my mom that I realized, like, "Oh, there is no time to waste." Because I'm not guaranteed that any of that is going to happen. All I have is right now in this moment, and I'm going to spend my my next moments, creating an environment, one where I want to be doing things I want to do that fill me up, that energize me. I want to put myself around people that inspire me because I, I felt an urgency and to live, to like live my life for myself right now and not later. Because a lot of us, I think we think, "Oh, I'll put that thing off until later. I'll get my shit together later. I'll post that piece of content later. I'll start that business later, when I have more time, more money, more whatever it is." (Lesley: Right) And, and it's all an illusion, like none of us have the control that we think we have. And so it's we do to a degree, we can co create our lives. But thinking that we know how things are going to play out. Is is a lie that we tell ourselves. (Lesley: I mean, you can even ...) So there has ...

Lesley Logan 8:08  

You're so correct. (Tori: Yeah) like we just even right now you and I have how many zoom calls have you and I done? Like on our own and then together? And how many podcasts have you done, I done. And then today, literally no control over the technology that was starting out at the beginning. (Tori: Yeah) And so like, I think you're correct, we have the opportunity to co create, and yet there's only, there's so many things that can change on a dime that you you (Tori: Yeah) can't just wait for things to be a certain way.

Tori Gordon 8:35  

Yeah, it's it's about how do I surrender to the moment? How do I surrender to what's happening and be with it and allow it to be unfolding? Can I, can I make space for all of this to coexist, this chaos, this confusion, this anticipation, this anxiety, this excitement? Can it all, can I create more space within myself to be a home for all of it to coexist together? It's instead of exiling, "Okay, I never need to feel anxious or I can't feel this thing or I can't, you know, everything has to go perfectly." Because then we're just setting ourselves up for disappointment. Life is uncertain. That is the one certain thing that we know is that life is uncertain. And that change is inevitable. And so how can we be prepared to show up but also be flexible in the midst of adversity or unexpected challenges that will arise because they will inevitably because life lifes. (Lesley: Yeah) Right?

Lesley Logan 9:34  

Life lifes. And that, that's the best. Okay, so I when you were saying like, not going no anxiety, none of this like because that's the opposite, right? Like, (Tori: Mm-hmm) "Okay, I I know for my own self like I'm such a planner, planner, planner." And then I'm like, "Okay, that that's not going to work." Like you know, everything is you have no control life lifes (Tori: Yeah) but how did you, how did you not swing all the way to the pendulum where it's like, "Well, then I can't have the anxiety. I can't have this." Like, how did you get all those to coexist? Because that to me is like a BE IT story in it's own like, how did you get from like, "I'm over here in the planning mode" to like "I'm just going to be in the present mode."

Tori Gordon 10:15  

Mm-hmm. Well, because when we're resisting anything, we're resisting the nerves that we're feeling when we go on to a podcast or resist, or we're anxious about this thing that we are about to do. Like, we are not allowing life to be like, we're not allowing ourselves to be with what it is, we're saying it shouldn't be this way. Like we're fighting, like, we're in inner conflict. And so for me, it's, it's a process of accepting what is and also being fully committed to creating a new reality. So I can be totally committed to an outcome, a goal, something, I'm moving towards a new reality I want to create for myself. I'm committed, and I have that vision in my mind, and I hold that, and I move toward that. I'm committed, but I'm unattached. I'm unattached to how that comes forward in my life. I'm unattached to exactly how I meet that person, or how this business opportunity unfolds, or how it has to look. Because when we, we expect, like when we put the how on it, then we've limited ourselves and we say it has to happen within this box in this this way, this time frame, and we miss out on the way the universe wants to bring that in. Like, it's never gonna happen the way we think it's gonna happen. Like we could have met... would you have expected like, this would be the way this conversation goes, right now? It's like ...

Lesley Logan 11:41  

No, well, and I think that's what's (Tori: Yeah) fun for me is that podcasting is like a really great place to just just like, (Tori: Be enough) yeah, because (Tori: Yeah) if you don't know, like, I know, a lot of podcasters, like, have set questions that they always ask people. And, you know, my husband has a format that he likes things to go because it makes sense for the editor. But I'm like, "Hmm. I'm gonna like I just want to know what's going on." Because (Tori: Yeah) also when we schedule things, sometimes it's like two months ago, and so maybe, maybe why you're excited to come on, then is not what you're like, you know, (Tori: Mm-hmm) there's this different thing. So I like to have the how be (Tori: Yeah) a little bit more optional. Was it easy for you to do struggle like ha... like getting out of the habit of, you know, trying to control the box, like, was it or like, (Tori: Yeah) how did that feel? Was there a moment you're like, "Oh, my God, I'm doing it. I'm actually letting it be." (Lesley laughs)

Tori Gordon 12:30  

Yeah, I think it's the human condition to want to control because we want certainty as human beings, because our brains are wired for survival. And we think if I can predict the outcome, and how it's going to happen, I can protect myself from it. Because we're always trying to protect ourselves from any threat. And that includes, most of us think, "Oh, because I'm feeling anxiety, that's a threat," or like, "I'm in danger, or something really terrible is happening." And so the first thing I did was just learn about how my brain operates and works and how to not feed in to some of my the patterns that I had been falling into my whole life unconsciously. And really learn how to, like master my thoughts, the part of me that says, "It shouldn't be this way. It needs to happen right now." Like the part of me that feels that like, need to do it all and do it all perfectly. And it was a process of, yeah, learning the way that my brain works and how it's designed to protect me and to try and predict the future and try to create certainty. And also, it's like this paradigm of docs. Like, we're trying to figure out the unfigurable. (Lesley: Right. Right.) And that that's fu... like futile. It's exhausting. It doesn't like trying to like prepare about every scenario that could ever play out is and we do that because we're afraid. Right? We do that because we're afraid of looking stupid, the conversation going poorly, it not getting the ratings that we want, like people not liking it, people judging it, whatever it is. And so we think, "Oh, if I'm, I am ultra prepared, that won't happen." And then what happens when the unexpected happens?

Lesley Logan 14:14  

Right. You have no plan for that, because it has to go this way. And you weren't allowing yourself to be able to see other ways.

Tori Gordon 14:21  

Yeah, well, when the unexpected happens, it's like, the way I describe it. It's like the Super Bowl was just last night. So teams, trust me, they come in fully prepared. They have watched the film, they have spent all season, all year prepping for this one game. They think they have every scenario played out of, "Okay, if this guy goes down, what are we going to do? If this guy gets hurt, if they go like they run this kind of play or this kind of defense?" But what happens when there's a curveball? (Lesley: Mm-hmm) What happens when your best player? Like does get hurt, you're not expecting it? What happens like sometimes you just got to throw an audible and go for it. But sometimes you're like, "Oh my gosh, how are we going to come back from this?" And it's the people that are able to be flexible in the midst of adversity or challenge (Lesley: Mm-hmm) that, that come back. (Lesley: Yeah) And because it's, if we're not, if we're so rigid and so stuck, like I wasn't, like, I'm not able to show up and perform, unless the circumstances are perfect. Then we would never we're like ... (Lesley: Oh, my gosh ...) you're only, (Lesley: no wonder ...) we're only doing so much. Right?

Lesley Logan 15:34  

Well, and also, no wonder so many people are only doing so much. (Tori: Right) Right? 

Because they're expecting it to be a beautiful 70 degree day outside. And every you know, feeling their best and, and that's just not life. Like some days, we're not ... like the conditions aren't perfect (Lesley: Yeah) to get out there and do it.

Oh, I mean, here example, we, we had this whole thing that we planned and we sold. So like it is we told people, "You'll be able to walk. You'll be able to walk to our house." And guess what, those Airbnbs aren't walkable, they didn't, they didn't want people from local community renting them. So they're not walkable anymore. Now, that doesn't mean it's not gonna be an amazing retreat. That doesn't mean it's somebody that's and of course, I sold them this, they still have a beautiful house to stay. And they're still they're actually going to get a ride now to and from the place like, but it's like having like getting stuck on. There was that moment with like, "But we told them this. And if it's not perfect, then what are they gonna think?" And it's like, well, nothing is perfect. And they're going to see like everyone is doing the fucking best they can. (Lesley laughs) (Tori: Mm-hmm) You know? (Tori: Yeah) Yeah, so you have to be able to go, "Okay, well, then what's the shift? What's the pivot? How do we continue to offer the most amazing thing (Tori: Right) with challenges that were unforeseen?"

Tori Gordon 16:40  

... Exactly, because and that's resilience. (Lesley: Yeah) That's what resilience is. It's what do you do when you get hit and how do you come back? And do you keep showing up? And how quickly do you rebound?

Lesley Logan 16:54  

Like the quick though, the speed at which you rebound is actually like, the lady on Shark Tank, the real estate lady, I (Tori: aha) heard her on an interview. And she said, because someone asked her like, what's the like, like, "What's your tip for success?" And she's like, "It's your rebound." She said, what I saw for the salespeople who like if they lost a deal, the ones that went home and took the day off to like, decompress from that. They did worse, and the ones were like, and what and next, and what do I, what's the next thing, you know?

Tori Gordon 17:23  

Yeah. It's that downtime of being able to recov... it's the recovery. Like my recovery, I have a friend who was a pro runner for years and years and years. And he would run over 100 mile races, like ... (Lesley: Those people are crazy to me.) (Lesley laughs) A marathon is like, what, 24? (Lesley: 26.2) Yeah, 26.2. So he was like running multiple marathons. (Tori laughs) (Lesley: Yeah) And when I heard that, I could not believe it. I was like, I had another friend who just run, ran his first marathon. I was like, he took a week to recover. He was like, "This is so painful." And so I asked my guy friend, I said, "How was your recovery?" He was like, "But when you're doing it all the time, your body just bounces back." And so I think, whether it's an entrepreneurial space, and whatever it is you're doing, it's the more you do it, the quicker the recovery, (Lesley: Yeah) because you're prepare... like you're conditioned, to bounce back quicker, as opposed to like, if you go in the gym, and you lift, heavy and you haven't been in the gym for months, you're gonna be ... you like you're what ... Like, (Lesley: Yeah) I can't go back to the gym ...

Lesley Logan 18:26  

The ... (Tori: for a while) then you're go back to the gym for a while and you're gonna start all over again. But also, it's that like whole ... (Tori: Exactly) like, that's that toilet seat thing. Like, if you can't sit down the toilet, you did it wrong at the gym. (Lesley laughs) You (Tori: Yeah) didn't prepare your body. And that's not true. I guess some pe... there might be some other reasons legitimate for that. But you're correct. And that's like, that's why like when you do, that's why trainers y'all have like heart rate monitors on you, because they actually don't want you living in the cardio zone the whole time. They want you to (Tori: Yeah) be able to challenge your body to go up and down and up and down. And like, I love to see how fast my recovery can be like. How fast because I'll run with my dog and he has to stop and you know, do his thing. And I'm like, "Am I, oh, did I get calm?" And I'm like, "I like to do it." You know what I mean because like that keeps you really resilient. It keeps you having more opportunity, you're healthier, you're stronger.

Tori Gordon 19:09  

Well, and to go back to what you said about the pendulum, like the people that go to the gym, and they have the toilet seat moment. (Lesley laughs) Like that's where you're on one side of the pendulum, and like it's in (Lesley: Yeah) extremes. And then you're on the other side. It's that in between, it's the balance. It's the be with what is and don't like, it's only our mind that tells us, "We need to go quicker. We need to do it all by a certain time." Like, it's the expectations we put on ourselves and the pressure we put on ourselves. (Lesley: Yeah) And there have been moments in my business where I'm like, "What am I in such a hurry for?" (Lesley: Hmm) Like, because when I get there, I'm going to be in a hurry to get somewhere else and then to do the next thing. And sure I have, I'm on a mission to serve people and there, but is it really because I'm trying to serve more people or is it coming from a place of, "I need to prove my worth, or I need to get validated because I got to the next stage or I got to the next level or whatever it is." And so that the breathwork for me has helped me live in that. Tha... like, come back to the moment, that's the thing about breath, it brings you back to the present. And it's in that in between of the balance between the pendulums. It's, it's not one extreme or the other. It's when I feel like I am, I've been doing 30 days of hot yoga, and it is hot. And there are moments where my heart rate gets super, super high. But then when I come back to the breath, it's how quickly can I come back to that, like, relaxed, centered state instead of feeling like, "Am I dying?" You know, and that happens training. And it's a process of getting your mind and body to that point, it doesn't happen overnight. I think we got to get off of this like, like, fast, like, culture that we're in where it's like, "I need everything right now. I've got to be able to do it all and like, get the results immediately." Like, the things that we truly want to accomplish will take time. Anything that's good, takes (Lesley: Yeah) time, you know.

Lesley Logan 21:14  

I guess, like my mind, like thinks about like, there's the people who are like rushing to make things happen a certain way at a certain p... and like they're in a hurry. And I love the question like, "What am I in a hurry for?" I think that's really a valid question. You also write that down as your like, homework assignment. Like what to ask yourself, and then there's the people who like do nothing, because they're just waiting. (Tori: Right) And you're right, there is that place in the, in (Tori: Mm-hmm) the middle ...

Tori Gordon 21:38  

And that tends to be where a lot of people, there's either the hustlers, they're like, gotta go go go, or the people who are kind of, like paralysis analysis and they (Lesley: Yeah) are shut... in shutdown. It's like, one or the other. (Tori laughs)

Lesley Logan 21:52  

Yeah, and so like, I think that some of those analysis paralysis, people used to be on the other end, and they like, burnt themselves out, or they got (Tori: Yeah) lost or something, or they're like, "I need to stop doing that. So I'm just gonna stop having dates on anything." So, I just wanted like, because I, I know, I know the listeners, listen to this, they're gonna be like, "But Tori, do you have deadlines?" Like, do you have a deadline? Do you have dates on your goals? Or like, how do you do, how do you have date on something? But like, not get attached to that? What is your system for that?

Tori Gordon 22:20  

Yeah, I mean, I definitely have dates on, on my calendar, I booked things in. I have, you know, like, I'm doing 30 days of hot yoga to see what my progress look like over that 30 day period. I think it's really important to have check ins with yourself. And but the point of the 30 days isn't to achieve a certain result. It's to just notice and track the progress that happens within the 30 days, like, just by doing. Like, I show up, and I give my best every day, my best looks different day to day. But that's the standard. I, my standard for myself, as it show up and give my best over whatever the length of time that you're going to give yourself and give yourself permission that the best doesn't have to look like it did the day before. But I show up in my give my best and I'm tracking what is my progress over that length of time. For bigger, like long term goals, the way we can like motivate ourselves to keep going is to, is to take the long goal over a year and to make it shorter. So the first three months, like let's track our progress, how are we going to take this look... maybe you're going to write a book. Okay? What's the first thing we need to do? Create an outline? Okay, let's make that into it's goal, a goal in itself, (Lesley: Yeah) instead of sitting down and like, "Okay, I have a empty page. How do I write this entire book?" (Lesley and Tori laughs) Right? (Lesley: I know) It's like, let's just take our long term goals and chunk them down, and be accountable for that, and then set the next (Lesley: Yeah) piece of it. Because ultimately, we will get really overwhelmed with looking at something over a long term, and we'll get, you know, we'll lose our motivation. So back to kind of the working out analogy there was a time when I was doing like a 60 day challenge. And at the beginning, I like took my, measured my stats. So how fast could I run 100 meter? How many pushups could I do in a minute? How many, you know, whatever the, like measurements (Lesley: Yeah) were? I did that at the beginning. I did that 30 days in. And then I did it 60 days in. The important thing about doing it 30 days in, is that it really motivates you for the next 30 days. (Lesley: Yeah) Because I could see that I'm making progress. Right? I hadn't gotten to where I wanted to be but I had improved in every single category that I started in. And that is like, "Oh, this is working." And that re energizes you to keep going for the next stent. (Lesley: Yeah) And so those check ins with yourself across your goals is really, really important. So I have just like a kind of a process that I do with myself to see, like, how am I (Lesley: Yeah) how am I ranking? You know ...

Lesley Logan 25:09  

I like that and you created that for yourself. And I love that a lot. I, I'm a big fan of like breaking things down smaller, like, one of the, one of my friends were having lunch the other day. And she said, "Yeah, I'm, I just need to set aside time to work on my workshop." I said, "What if you just set aside time to like, come up with the name of it?" (Tori: Mm-hmm) And then like, "What if another day you actually just wrote like, the hour by hour?" And then and then (Tori: Yeah) like, and she's like, "What?" And I said, "I don't even work on an entire project." Like, "Are you kidding?" Like, I'm like, "I think I want to do this." Okay, what's one thing that I can think about with that, that like, conceal the deal. I'm like, I want to do, like we were to do two weeks away from retreaters coming to our house for business retreat, when that idea came up. I was like, "I want to do a business retreat. I want to do it in Vegas. And I want to ask them how long they want it." (Tori: Mm-hmm) (Lesley laughs) You know, cuz like, but I didn't go, "Okay, I'm gonna sit down and plan this whole retreat out just like in a vacuum." Like, no one has time for that you'll get ... we'll get overwhelmed by all the stuff that has to happen. Like, (Tori: Yeah) "Oh my gosh, I need to feed the people that to come up with these things." There's so many moving parts, and we'll, Tori: Mm-hmm) we'll overwhelm ourselves. We just won't do it. So I love that. That's so great. Okay, so thank you for sharing that. When you, so the process you go through yourself, we're getting a little granular, do you do every week, do you do every month? Like do you have a process for like checking in on how you're doing?

Tori Gordon 26:27  

Yeah, so actually stole this from a friend of mine. And you might know him? Carry Jack, but he's great. And he has a process that I've kind of adopted. And he calls it like "Soul Mapping." And basically, it's something you do every single week, I do it on Sundays. And you go through this framework of asking yourself, it's a ranking system of one to five, five being the best, you killed it that week in this area. One you like got an F, right? And it's, you just go through this process of asking yourself, like one is about digital detox, like, "How much time did I spend on my phone?" Right? "Did I... Was I good? Did I manage that? Or did I completely like, spent way too much time on my phone?" It's time and nature, right? It's things like, "Did I get do meaningful work this week? Did I take care, like spend time with people that I love? Did I play and make time for hobbies and things outside of work." And those checkpoints are really helpful because just week to week, I can see where my priorities have been, and how I can, kind of realign those this week. So if I in a couple areas, I'm like, "I really, really dropped the ball here." Typically, what I find is there's never multiple weeks where I struggle with the same thing over and over again.

Lesley Logan 27:55  

Right because you're paying attention to it. (Tori: Yeah) So you're like yeah, and what we, yeah. That's ...

Tori Gordon 27:58  

Because you see, you'll see what you track. (Lesley: Yeah) It's like the second that I invested in crypto, you better believe I was tracking that. (Lesley laughs) Right? I was like, "Is my money going up or down?" You will see the result of what you track. (Lesley: Yeah) And so having a system whatever system works for you, is one that helps you just notice that progress because otherwise it seems like you know, "Oh, I haven't really made any improvements." But you really have, you just haven't given yourself any credit and you don't know what you're looking at. 

Right because you're, yeah, and you're not actually like you're not it's like, "I need more. I need to do more of this and you drink more water." It's like how much more? Do you need to drink a bottle more? Like be specific.

Exactly. (Lesley: Yeah) You're not measuring it. So

Lesley Logan 28:41  

You made think of my friend Nora. I have to I've got to bring her on it's been a couple when you move and the pandemic time standstill everyone so, but I had her in my group and she has this whole thing like, "Are you a spectator? Or are you the star athlete?" Because the athlete would assess, the athlete is looking at game videos, the athlete is "Oh, I missed that ball. You know, I need to go back to the batting cages." Like the the athlete is like troubleshooting being clinical about things. The spectator in the stands like, "You miss that ball. Ah." Like just judgment, judgment, judgment (Tori: Mm-hmm) and so she like takes five areas like money, relationships, health, whatever. And you just ask yourself, "Am I spectator or am I athlete?" (Tori: I love that) And so fun, right? But then you can get even granular with your soul map and I think you could just like for those who are like, "This is a lot ladies." You start with Nora's so then you want to get more detailed, go (Tori: Yeah) to the one she just described." And then and then you can get even more but I think we have to baby step our way into like assessing ourselves and getting honest because if you are someone who's a super judger or you're gonna, you're gonna you need a little like bridge, you need like a booster into the space of being honest (Tori: Yeah) and welcoming yourself. Yeah.

Tori Gordon 28:45  

Well, and what I'll do for you guys in my membership community called Coachable University. It's a program that I run, School of Self Mastery. It's something that I have my students do every single week is, is this check in and when have a form that out and you just gave me an idea, I'm happy to put that into a doc... templated, you (Lesley: Great) know, something that people can download. And they can just go through themselves every single week and make it super easy. And there's some good questions, you can ask yourself, the soul mapping frameworks there if you want to do that, and just give yourself a little rating. And it'll tell you each of the different kind of topics to rate yourself in or areas to rate yourself in. But they're also just questions like, "What went well, this week? (Lesley: Mm-hmm) What didn't go... Where did I drop the ball? What do I need? Like, what can I celebrate?" (Lesley: Yeah) Those questions are also really helpful because, again, what we are measuring, and what we see is (Lesley: Yeah) what we're going to take more action on and prioritize.

Lesley Logan 30:45  

Oh my gosh, thank you so much. We'll put that link in the notes, guys. It's theirs... (Tori: Yeah) We always have good notes down there. So you're amazing. Tori, this is so fun. We just scratched the surface. Okay, Tori, everyone's gonna stalk you already. They're like super excited about the soul mapping. But how can they find you follow you, get to know you? Where are you hanging out these days?

Tori Gordon 31:03  

Yeah, I am on Instagram and Tiktok. I'm @coachtorigordon on both platforms. And then you can go to my website, torigordon.com. We have a lot of fun stuff there. We're also just getting our YouTube up and running. So our podcast - The Coachable Podcast is live. The full videos on the YouTube channel. So if you go to torigordon.com, you'll find all of the places that I hang out and a bunch of free resources and downloads too. If you want to find some other goodies that you can take home. That's the best place to go.

Lesley Logan 31:34  

You're amazing. Yeah. I do like that. We put our, we put the podcast on YouTube as well. I think for a lot of people like to just watch things (Tori: Mm-hmm) like you know, so it's so (Tori: Yeah) fun that you have all those resources. Thank you. Okay, last question, BE IT action items. Things people can do that are bold, executable, targeted or intrinsic that can help them be it till they see it.

Tori Gordon 31:55  

Yeah, I think the biggest thing is know, like, know what you want? And that seems like something that isn't really actionable but it is. It's like, I've got a clarity guide that takes you through this process of, "What do I want? Like, where am I right now? Where do I want to be and identify what's in the way?" Because we can't create what we want to create in our lives unless we're willing to look at where's our point a. Like, what's my current GPS location? Where am I headed to Bora Bora Beach, wherever you want to go? Like, what does that destination you're headed towards? And then what's, in between, like, what are all of the twists and turns that are really standing in your way from getting there. That is a process I think everybody should go through multiple times throughout the year. I mean, and you can do this for all areas of your life, because until we're willing to look at what we're avoiding, and what we're putting off. Like, those are the things that are really keeping us from the the goals and the dreams that we have for ourselves. And sometimes that is a like a logistical thing. Maybe it means, "I need to save a certain amount of money." Maybe it means, "I need to get a certification or I need to get more experience in X area. I need to get an internship or I need to, you know, apply, actually go apply for the job or create (Lesley: Right) the resume." Right? Or it could be more subjective. It could be a belief system that you have. It (Lesley: Yeah) could be this this part of you that saying, "Hey, you're not ready until you have all of these other things in place." And we can start to identify what are the stories that are in the way but also just what are those logistical things, because until we identify them, ... you can't hit a target, you can't see, (Lesley: Yeah) you're gonna start to identify them. And then you can go actually execute on them. 

Lesley Logan 33:45  

You also can't go to a place you don't know where it is. And (Tori: Right) you don't know where you're starting from. Like, it's like, if I asked you how to get to Atlanta, and you didn't know where I was coming from, you might be able to go, well, if you know where the 40 is. I think the 40 goes in there. It might be the 10... Anyways, you know, but like you have to like you can't actually, I'm not going to get there. And I'm like wandering around looking for Atlanta. So it's I love that and also know what you want. It made me think of like Runaway Bride when she like doesn't know how she likes her eggs. (Tori: Mm-hmm) And I remember watching her like try all these different eggs and like y'all like I know that's a terrible 90s rom-com, maybe it's early 2000s. But the reality is is like if you can just picture like, if you don't know what you want, it's time to go try out a bunch of different things like, go play, go, (Tori: Mm-hmm) go hike, go do something, go do something... (Tori: just take a class) Yeah (Tori: So, yeah) You can quit the class if you don't like it after a few weeks, but maybe stay because maybe that resistance is actually just because (Tori: Yeah) what you need to assist you. You know,

Tori Gordon 34:41  

That was exactly what I did. When I was at that point where I was confused and didn't really know what I wanted. I just tried a bunch of things and that's executable thing like that's the executable thing. Go, sign up for the course. (Lesley: Mm-hmm) Go like take the dancing class, go get yourself in a cooking class, whatever it is because you're right. A lot of people are sitting in their car, and they're expecting to go on this amazing vacation, but they, maybe they have put the destination in their GPS, but it had doesn't have their current location. And a lot of people are waiting to get on the road. Before they they want to know every twist and turn. They want to know, "Okay, are you going to take a right, take a left? Is it going to be like ..."

Lesley Logan 35:19  

... speaking with the GPS. (Tori: How far do I go?) My dad was taking me to get my hair done on Saturday. And because I don't have a car, so he we go to the gym together and I was like, "Hey can you dropped me off this place and get my hair done. And he's like "yea". And he's never been there, so I put in his GPS. And sure enough, we make a left and the road is closed. So (Tori: Mm-hmm) Google didn't know that the road is closed, because it was like a Color Run or something. So we (Tori: Yeah) had I said, "Okay, well, we're just gonna, go just take the street to ... (Tori: rerouting, rerouting) ... reroute, you know, but like, if we had got, "Well can't go cuz that roads closed," you know? (Tori: Exactly) (Lesley laughs) But people, but that's what everyone that's what you're all doing. You would be like, "No one would ever do that." Yes, you are when you don't actually, like when you're not taking action when you're not doing the thing, because you don't know what the twists and turns are, you're doing exactly that you're turning around at the road closer and going well can't go. You know,

Tori Gordon 36:05  

... And life doesn't work like that. It doesn't give you all of the steps before you go. It says, "Get going." It says, "Go drive." And then I'll give you the next (Lesley: Mm-hmm) direction. (Lesley: Yeah) It's like, you're not gonna get all of them. But I'm going to give you the next direction that's in front of you. And so I tell people, "just move." Like, just get your body in motion, whether you're going to go take a workout class, you're going to go sign up for something, you're, pick the next right action that feels aligned with what you want to do. And then that's when you allow life to unfold. It comes back to what we were talking about at the very beginning, of be in the now, be with the next thing that you're going to do in the present moment. And then allow the next thing to reveal itself in the universe to give you that next direction because it will.

Lesley Logan 36:50  

Yeah. Ah, Tori, this is amazing. Like, we're about to wrap it up. And then like more gems just got thrown at people. And I'm just so grateful for you. Thank you for being here. You're amazing. And I know that we keep meeting up on these on these calls. And we'll have to do a hangout, off, off of a recorded, (Lesley laughs) unrecorded (Tori: Yeah) hangouts. But, I just I'm so grateful for you everyone. How are you going to use what Tori is said in your life? Like, how are you going to be in the now? Do us a huge favor, screenshot this episode. Tag @coachtori, tag @be_it_pod and let us know and then do another favor and actually share it with a friend because that's how her podcast grows, that's how my podcast grows. It's how we can continue to help you all of you, Be It Till You See It. Alright, everyone. Thanks so much.

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review. And follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcasts. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the @be_it_pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others BE IT TILL YOU SEE IT. Have an awesome day!

'Be It Till You See It' is a production of 'As The Crows Fly Media'.

Brad Crowell 38:07  

It's written produced, filmed and recorded by your host Lesley Logan and me, Brad Crowell. Our associate producer is Amanda Frattarelli.

Lesley Logan 38:18  

Kevin Perez at Disenyo handles all of our audio editing.

Brad Crowell 38:22  

Our theme music is by Ali at APEX Production Music. And our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan 38:31  

Special thanks to our designer Jaira Mandal for creating all of our visuals (which you can't see because this is a podcast) and our digital producer, Jay Pedroso for editing all video each week so you can.

What are the preconceptions around sex that are impacting your life? Today Brad and LL, discuss tools needed to have a new mindset around sex. 

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected] .

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.

In this episode you will learn about:

• LL Running patterns 
• Confidence that can grow from vulnerability 
• Learning the tools and skill sets to communicate in sex grows roots into other areas of your life. 
• The sexual messages taught in childhood 
• There are different seasons of sex

Episode References/Links:

• Level up MVMT
• The We+LLthy Mindset

OPC Flashcards:

• OPC Flashcards are on Amazon
• OPC Flashcards are on our site

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox.

Resources

• Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube!
• Lesley Logan website
• Be It Till You See It Podcast
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTube
• Profitable Pilates

Social Media

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Episode Transcript:

Lesley Logan 0:01  

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guests will bring Bold, Executable, Intrinsic and Targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.

Welcome back to the Be It Till You See It interview recap where my co host in life, Brad and I are going to dig into the open convo I had with Celeste Holbrook in our last episode. If you haven't yet listened that episode, feel free to pause this now. Go back and listen to that one and then come back and join us or listen to this one. But here's the deal, y'all got to listen to the episode ...

Brad Crowell 1:04  

You have to go back and listen to it. (Lesley: You have ...) Though you have no choice. If you haven't yet listened to that episode, you have to.

Lesley Logan 1:10  

One of them, I mean, I don't want to say that I have favorites but one of my favorites. (Brad: Yeah) Just was a ... (Brad: Pretty powerful.) It's really powerful. And it's also not a conversation people have enough. And we have to have her back like have to her back because we didn't even talk about bodies yet. Like there's just so much to talk about. So (Brad: Sure) Celeste if you're listening, let's talk. (Brad laughs) Okay, so I am days away from being on Level Up MVMT, my friend Erika Quest platform to teach my workshop - Talk Less, Teach More, which means we are just a couple weeks away, not even two, I think our second our WE+LLthy Mindset 2.0. Which is a four week program for teachers and fitness professionals, where we are going to help you go - From Failure to Flow. And there's so much science on flow states and like we all know that failure is not actually failure. But like it's hard and you can know it but then do you know it. So you'll want to join us. We'll start on April 8 with that. So it is all over at the levelupmvmt.com, which is just levelupmvmt.com, don't put the dot there that I made that up. (Lesley laughs)

Brad Crowell 2:13  

Yeah. levelupmvmt.com. Right. (Lesley: Mm-hmm. m v m t)

Lesley Logan 2:17  

Okay. What is the question that we have this week?

Brad Crowell 2:20  

Okay, so LL you mentioned you were a runner. Well, how often do you run and how far are you running?

Lesley Logan 2:28  

Okay, so um, I was a runner. I've been, I've been a runner and like many different stages of my life. So I was a runner in high school, and then I retired but then I came out of retirement ...

Brad Crowell 2:41  

You retired after high school? (Lesley: Yeah) You're like,

Lesley Logan 2:44  

I retired in high school... (Brad: I'll hanging up my shoes.) Yeah, (Brad: I'm good.) I retired in high school.

Brad Crowell 2:48  

... were you like in 10th grade, like, "Oh, I've retired."

Lesley Logan 2:52  

Junior high, Junior year, Junior year, not Junior high, Junior year. Um, no, I just had a lot going on for my senior year. And like, if y'all don't know, I had, like, I had to pay and to make money. So I had to work. And so I couldn't actually be on a team and work. So, I I had, I didn't like my coach. So I was like, you know, "I'm just not gonna run." And then I went to college, and they found out I was a runner, and they're like, "Oh, do you want to run." And I was like, "What's the scholarship?" And I was like, "That is not even nearly enough money to make me want to run for you." So I would run for myself. But it wasn't until I think 2011 that I actually got back into running again. And I was really good at it, actually. (Brad: Hmm) And that's because of Pilates, it really is and and then also a couple good running coaches, but I retired from competitive running and I was actually sponsored in 2013 when I broke my and before I broke my leg. So anyways, I after I healed my leg break, I always ran three-ish miles every single morning or four mornings a week we're in LA around UCLA. Then we moved here, and that stopped because it was hot. It was thought, it was fire. That's the temperature here, fire in the summertime. So like I ...

Brad Crowell 4:04  

So on a scale from one to fire. (Lesley: Yeah) How hot is it in Vegas?

Lesley Logan 4:08  

Fire! (Brad laughs) (Brad: Oh okay, just making sure.) So, so I actually basically stopped running when we moved here. And that was like one of my favorite things to do. Anyways, once it gets colder, I actually do pick up running and I only run probably two miles now. The honest truth is ladies, we don't actually need as much cardio as we do. And so I I I'm trying more as I'm I'm 39 so like I'm approaching the the years where like menopause is a thing ... (Brad: Is that mean I'm 39?) It means you're almost 40. (Brad: What the hell?) Yeah, that's what that means. So, he's like literally is almost 40. (Brad laughs) So, anyway, at any rate. I'm just for me, I am trying to be conscious of like, "Why am I running? What is the purpose of this and like, how does this help me?" Like ease on through to the other side of what will be menopause someday and people don't make it sound fun. So, anyway, I work on strength training. So I'll... if you're, the question is "How often do I run?" I run four days a week, a couple miles and that's all I do. Now, do I miss it? There are days when I think, "You know what, I'm gonna do a half marathon again." And then I remember that I have to run a half marathon. And to be honest, like, I have so many other things I like to do. And so if you don't like running, know that there are other things you can do to get your heart rate up. You can get your heart rate up doing Pilates, like if you do Pilates with my classes, you'll get your heart rate up. (Brad: Yeah) If you like ... (Brad: even in 15 minutes) Yeah, you will, you really will like you like when you do a class with me on OPC, I will get your heart rate up. (Brad: Yeah) And it's the kind of heart rate that like goes up and down, up and down, which is really good for training your heart for those kinds of things, as opposed to just like keeping it up the whole time. But if you don't like running, don't run. If you like it, go do it. I mean, running groups are so much fun. You can make really great friends doing it. I just got like ...

Brad Crowell 4:08  

There's a epic community of runners here in Vegas. And we see them outside the gym when we go. (Lesley: Mm-hmm) And they they meet up on the mornings (Lesley: Mm-hmm) and they run and like ...

Lesley Logan 4:53  

They have like three groups. They have like really fast people than they have regular people and they have walk... like people bring their dogs, they wear tutus like it's a whole thing. (Brad laughs) So like, if you are, if you do like running and you're wanting new friends or to be around positive vibe people, check out running groups. (Brad: Yeah) But yeah, I am, I know that my running days are coming to a near end because it's starting to heat up in the mornings and I just won't do it. I won't run in, I won't want in hot. (Brad: You mean this year?) Yeah. (Brad: Yeah) So, I like I take the summer off. (Brad: Yeah) (Lesley laughs)

Brad Crowell 6:44  

She ... I just found out that she's been running since November.

Lesley Logan 6:46  

Yeah, he does (Brad: Like ...) does even know. Like I was mentioned it and he goes, "You run?" And I was like, "Oh, yeah, in the morning."

Brad Crowell 6:52  

Cuz I thought (Lesley: when I'm free.) she stopped.

Lesley Logan 6:54  

Right. Because I stopped for the... I stopped for the fire season.

Brad Crowell 6:57  

Yeah. For the fire, you stopped for fire. (Lesley: Yeah) And now you run for non fire.

Lesley Logan 7:02  

I run during that, I run during that... (Brad: You run for snow.) run for this, I run when it's cold. Okay, you gonna hear sounds hilarious. (Brad: Yes) Okay, this is what I run in. I have this like puffer coat that goes to your knees. It's not my Canada Goose, nice... nice one. It's like, but it's like one of those down (Brad: Oh, yeah) puffer coats that everyone wears. It's black, it's like the puffy thing it goes down to my knees. I wear that to run in. So, I run in like, even in shorts, sometimes with it on and I run (Lesley laughs) two miles in it, and I get really hot. And then I (Brad: Oh, my gosh.) can ... and then I walk like the last mile home. And I am in a perfect temperature state. But like yes, I'm not running in running clothes. I'm running in a puffer coat ...

Brad Crowell 7:46  

You look like a soccer mom running two miles. 

Lesley Logan 7:48  

I think I look like a homeless person.

Brad Crowell 7:50  

Yeah. There ya go. (Lesley laughs) ... Yeah.

Lesley Logan 7:52  

But that's okay because here's what I don't want to do. I really don't want to invest in running gear. I don't want to buy another running jacket. I don't want any of those things. And I like it because it goes all the way up to my face. So it keeps my neck and my cheeks warm and all that stuff. And (Brad: Yeah, that's nice.) so, anyways, you know, it's me if you're like, "Is she running from something?" (Brad laughs) No, she's not. She's just running. (Brad: Just running.) But I do look like I might be running from something (Brad laughs) cuz of the outfit that I'm wearing.

Brad Crowell 8:22  

That is amazing. (Lesley: Yeah) All right. Well, now let's talk about Cel... Dr. Celeste Holbrook. (Lesley: Yeah) Celeste is a safe sex or sorry, is a sex educator, speaker, author and proud mom of twins. She is very excited about that. She's on a mission to provide safe spaces for individuals to talk about sex, so that they can grow confident, confidence routes that sprout into other parts of their lives.

Lesley Logan 8:56  

Yeah, well, speaking of that, so one of the things that I wanted to bring her on was I was telling her I, before we started recording, and then we brought it up when we were recording, like, I just feel that a lot of that... that something that holds women back is their ability to be confident in the bedroom, feel sexy, feel like they can ask for what they want. I know nothing about this stuff. I, this is not my area of expertise. And she had said, you know, like, if you are able to ask for what you want in your most vulnerable spaces, such as when you're naked and having sex, then you can ask for a raise at work, then you can do things like basically like just being in that position is very vulnerable. And if you can actually say, "This is what I'd like to do right now. This is how I'd like to feel right now. This is what I want." Then can you imagine like when the waiter is like, "Hey, would you like this?" You be like, "Yeah, that's exactly what I want." Like you're not gonna like, "I don't know, is it okay if I can have it with like the dressing on the side." Like you're (Lesley laughs) you're just gonna start realizing that like you can ask for what you want and other areas because a no where any of those other areas as vulnerable as the one you were in, (Brad: Right) when you were in the bedroom. So or wherever you're having sex, like you can have it wherever you want. I guess we probably should have said at the beginning of this episode, "If your kids (Brad: Oh) are with you, this is probably the time to now put your airpods in." (Brad laughs) Oop.

Brad Crowell 10:16  

Yep. Yeah, we'll, we'll have to, we'll to add that in on that. (Brad and Lesley laughs) Good point.

Lesley Logan 10:22  

Yeah, so um, anyways, learning the tools and skill sets to communicate in sex grows roots into other areas of your life. And I really, really, really want if this at all intrigued you. If you're like, I don't know, maybe it made you feel uncomfortable. Maybe you felt like I don't that like also curious. Please follow her on Instagram, because her reels will make you laugh, even though they have dildos in them or other things that she's showing. And, and that's her mission. And I think if you can laugh, like comedy makes things a little bit more comfortable. (Brad: Sure) Yeah. What did you like?

Brad Crowell 10:55  

Well, I, speaking about that, like intro of like, "Are your kids in the room kind of a thing?" She said something very powerful. At the end, she said, "We make shame, by being ashamed." And, part of her mission is to normalize the conversation about sex. And she was specifically talking about her kids. (Lesley: Mm-hmm) And she said, "Look, I still get a little weird about it with my kids. This isn't like, you know, everything is like fair game now. I might as well just talk about at all." I don't think that's what she means by that. But she was talking about how does she, how does sex become normal in just like ... Like, well, actually what she said, she said something else that is very applicable. She said, we watch you know, YouTube for like cooking shows, (Lesley: Mm-hmm) or we watch TV for cooking shows. Right? Or, you know, how do you chop down a tree? Or how do you like whatever, like plant, you know, a cactus garden. But we we don't watch. There's nothing that is like that for sex. (Lesley: No) Except for you know, (Lesley: performative) performative sex, (Lesley: Yeah) you know. So, porn, obviously, is what she's talking about. She didn't say that. But you know, so the only, you know, or actually, it's not even just that, it could just be movies. I mean, (Lesley: Mm-hmm) you know, the way it's portrayed in film ...

Lesley Logan 12:17  

Oh, my gosh, in the movies, everybody is having morning sex. And I'm like, "But don't you need to brush your teeth?" Like, (Brad laughs) no, but seriously, like, (Brad: That's true.) that breath is not going to be good. That is not going to be a fun kiss. And then also, like, "No, don't go down there. I've been sleeping. And this whole time I sweat when I sleep." Like there's nothing, nothing... So you watch these movies and you're like, "Oh, I can't do that. And so there's something wrong with me because I am, I have to brush my teeth." Like, you know, so it's this weird thing.

Brad Crowell 12:45  

Right. We blame ourselves, but back to, you know, normalizing the conversation and talking about kids. You know, she, she's been, you know, she is a sex educator. Right? So she actually has dildos in her office. Right? And so she said her daughter came by the other day and said, "Are you talking about penis anatomy, Mommy?" You know, like, that, to me is a little jaw dropping, but also how like refreshing because it's not this weird, taboo, like ...

Lesley Logan 13:16  

I'm so excited for her children and then like the other people around her because also like, you're correct. It's not this weird taboo thing that you (Brad: Yeah, I mean ...) like go through life hiding, sneaking, trying to figure out and (Brad: Yeah) probably not going to fig... like, anyways, it's just going to create a lot of shit.

Brad Crowell 13:31  

Well, brings back a lot of terrible memories for me about like, you know, the only thing I was taught about sex was "No." (Lesley: Don't have it.) That was it. That was it. (Lesley: Yeah) You know, and and like, you know, my parents sat me down and had the sex conversation, but it was literally like ... (Lesley: Did they?) Yeah, I was probably like, 12 and I'm pretty sure my grandmother was involved. (Lesley: Oh, my God.) But, uh, but it was basically it was ...

Lesley Logan 13:54  

The grandmo...? (Brad: Yeah) Oh (Brad: Yeah) shoot that, but she would have been like a nice comic relief there.

Brad Crowell 13:59  

I mean, I was 12. So it was awkward. (Lesley laughs) But, you know the reality is, you know, that, what I took away from all of that was aside from just the, you know, anatomy was, "Don't fucking have sex." Like, that was like, basically, they couldn't have hammered that home more. And ...

Lesley Logan 14:15  

Yeah, I was told if you have sex, you're gonna get pregnant, like everyone. And then anytime any girl got pregnant the first time she had sex, they made sure that I heard the story. Or worse, like if a person got like AIDS from having sex the first time. Like, (Brad: Right) it was like all about the fear.

Brad Crowell 14:29  

It's like, it's like that this is your brain on drugs (Lesley: Yes) kind of stuff. (Lesley: Yes) You know, like crackling in the pan. You know, and, and I think that, like, it creates this incredibly fear based, you know, (Lesley: Well ...) it creates anxiety, like, you know, then all of a sudden ... it's so dumb to me because she experienced this too when she said, you know ...

Lesley Logan 14:50  

It's literally why she became what she became because (Brad: Yes) all of the messages she was given, literally caused her to not be able, like her body was like, "No, like, I made me this thing of fortune themes." You're like, "How we know?" (Brad and Lesley laughs)

Brad Crowell 15:03  

Well, she said, she said that, you know, she was told, "Don't have sex, don't have sex." So she didn't have penetrative sex until she was married. Right? And that, to me is wha... is the weird thing is like, the whole time we're like, "No, no, no, no, no, this is wrong. This is wrong. This is taboo. It's taboo." And then all sudden, it's like, "Now it's fine." It's like, it doesn't work like that, like ... (Lesley: That it's all the thing to be...) you don't just like switch it suddenly.

Lesley Logan 15:25  

I know but we tell kids all the time, "Don't talk to strangers and then go get candy from a stranger. Don't don't let, don't let men touch you. Go sit on that man's lap." Like know what, like, you know, like with Santa Claus and Halloween, like we do this all the time. But like, it's not, it's actually not great. And especially on this level, it's, you're gonna spend most of your adult like most of the life you have is at an age where you could totally be having sex and like, and it can be something that's really pleasurable. And we actually put, it actually the way we talk about it and the way we raise people. Look at how many people get divorced. Look at how many people are not feeling fulfilled. Look at how many people feel ashamed or (Brad: Can't communicate.) communicate. (Brad: Like any of that stuff.) Yeah. (Brad: Totally) Or, and then there's all these other things. It's like, it's, you know, it's, I don't know, that's a simple thing. But like, it's very simple. If we actually just stop creating shame around something, (Brad: Yeah) we would stop being ashamed. We'd have a normal conversation about it. (Brad: Yeah) Anyways, you... FYI, Brad and I were raised (Lesley laughs) very religious, if you haven't figured that out. And and I want to say if you were as well, Celeste is an amazing person to reach out to. She ...

Brad Crowell 16:31  

Yeah. Just to say that clearly. We were, we were raised very religious.

Lesley Logan 16:35  

Yeah. (Brad: Yeah) Yeah. And she works specifically with people who are raised in that purity culture. (Brad: Yeah) And she really does have, it's not like, you know, like, it, it, I love the way she has this conversation around it. And I think it's really great for those who have been that place if you're wanting to explore having more confidence in this area.

Brad Crowell 16:56  

Yeah. (Lesley: Okay) Yeah. All right. Finally, let's talk about the BE IT action items. What bold, executable, intrinsic or targeted action items can we take away from your convo with Dr. Holbrook?

Lesley Logan 17:07  

Well, are you going first?

Brad Crowell 17:09  

Yeah, I think I will. She said, "Write down how you want to feel around sex. Get clear on your desires, and then talk about it with your partner." And I thought that was so refreshing because it's, you know, we bring a lot of strange things to the table when it comes to sex, such as, like, obligation. Right? Or, you know, or, or, like, judgment or performance, or, you know, like, you know ...

Lesley Logan 17:41  

Well, there's also just everything that's already in your head about how, how you feel about yourself. So like, you know, it's hard. Like, if you have, if you as a I'll just speak for myself, because I am a woman. But like, if you don't like how you look, or you don't feel like you look good enough, you don't feel sexy. And if you don't follow these things, like ...

Brad Crowell 17:59  

It's definitely gonna make it complicated to have sex.

Lesley Logan 18:01  

Yeah. So if you can write down how you want to feel around it, and you can get clear on that with your partner ...

Brad Crowell 18:07  

By the way, I don't think it's any different for guys. (Lesley: Probably not.) You know like ...

Lesley Logan 18:10  

You know, actually, so there was this amazing insight of Brené Brown's book - The Gifts of Perfection, I want to say it's that one, but it might be another one, forgive me. Anyways, there was this like, group thing, and this woman was talking about her like cellulite on her legs. And and she like, was like, "No, people won't have sex with me, because I have all this cellulite, whatever." And this guy sitting there, he's like, "It's not about the fucking cellulite. We actually don't want to be rejected by you. And we just want to have sex with you too. And we're feeling the exact same way." And it was like he had this like outbursts. And it was I remember reading and crying because I was like, "Oh, my God, we're all just walking around (Brad: Yeah) wanting the same thing and feeling exactly the same shitty way." (Lesley laughs)

Brad Crowell 18:53  

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, you know, and so what I what I think is really powerful about writing down how you want to feel around sex is first off, it forces you to actually think about it, you know, and it changes the, it changes the way we look at it. Like, if this is how we, you know, there's innately sex, sex is pleasurable, or it's supposed to be. Right? And, you know, pleasure is defined different ways, of course, but, you know, we are supposed to, you know, enjoy it, and it's supposed to be a pleasurable thing. So how do you actually want to feel specifically, and then that will force you to get clear about what you want. And then talk about it with your partner is... I don't think that's normal. Mo... I think that most people don't do that (Lesley: No, no) you know.

Lesley Logan 19:45  

They just would have sex and then and then somebody is left probably feeling like they didn't get what they wanted, but they didn't say what they wanted.

Brad Crowell 19:52  

I mean, not necessarily but (Lesley: Maybe) like, but you know, may... like there's certainly like an organic connection. (Lesley: Yeah) And like there's there's certainly a chance that that, you know, you are just fulfilling each other. But there's also the chance that you're not.

Lesley Logan 20:06  

Yeah. Yeah. And also your partner is not a mind reader. (Brad: Right) And I know we keep talking about this as guys and girls. I'm so sorry for those of you who, who have same sex sex, like, please, you know, so sorry. Like, also with your partner there. So (Brad: Yeah) yeah.

Brad Crowell 20:21  

Yeah. It's, it's just about, you know, like fulfilling each other's desires. And that creates pleasure. Right? And the communication part, I think, is like, the biggest part.

Lesley Logan 20:33  

Yeah, I mean, always and everything, but I agree. So my biggest takeaway (that is a dog moaning that is not one of us.) (Lesley and Brad laughs) I'm just pointing that out (Brad: aww) on a particular episode it could be... (Lesley laughs) (Brad: Okay, okay) So my biggest takeaway was write down the sexual messages you got growing up, and what was their lasting impact? And I this is really (Brad: Hmm) important, because, (Brad: Yeah) she brought up things that people say to girls growing up, and I had never like, as she's saying them, I was like, "Oh, my God, literally got that. Yep that. Yep. Oh, that too. Oh, that too." And, and, and, and anyway, like, I didn't realize some of the things that I had been told so often through my high school years that were like, not from my parents, and not from these people. But like, literally was sent home from high school because I didn't wear a tank top that was an inch and a half thick. And I got fined at school, went to a private school because my skirts kept getting too short, because I was growing. And that literally made me feel like I'm responsible for everyone's freaking feelings all the time. And so like, they just think that there's if you listen this episode, and she said things that resonate with you, like, think back to other things that you were said, about what you wore, or what you did, or how you could be affecting people. And like, I mean, I remember being in college and that was when a judge like said to a woman who was wearing jeans "well you got raped because you're wearing jeans", and it's like, these are things that yeah, it's a whole thing. It's in Italy ... (Brad: That doesn't even make any sense.) I know. But these are things these things that are said have a lasting impact ...

Brad Crowell 22:20  

I mean, not just on girls, but but it almost becomes a permission for guys.

Lesley Logan 22:25  

100% nail on the head. So like all and ...

Brad Crowell 22:30  

And that is actually just so I want to talk about it from the guys perspective. (Lesley: Yeah) Right? Like, then it becomes cyclical, right? Like, oh, I'm... so if the girls, you know, spaghetti striped shirt is too thin or whatever. And that could be a turn on for the guys, then now it's on you're thinking like, "Oh, that's a turn on for me." Well, then then if they're, you know, so if they're not wearing that, then maybe then you're not getting turned on. Right? It becomes this weird negative thing ...

Lesley Logan 22:59  

Well, also becomes a thing like you should, you can only be aroused because of other people.

Brad Crowell 23:03  

Yeah, that's, that's exactly (Lesley: Yeah, yeah) what I'm what I was going ...

Lesley Logan 23:05  

Yeah, exact... Okay. Yeah. So and I just was like, and it's, it's like, what is... And when she said it herself. In another talking point, like responsibility is like, like, killer of like arousal. (Brad: Of of, yeah arousal.) Yeah. (Brad: Yeah) And so it's like, if women are all walking around, because we're like, think that we're responsible for your arousal, and you're all walking around thinking, "Well, they gotta arouse me." Then like (Brad: Right) no one's getting aroused. (Lesley and Brad laughs) (Brad: Right) Like no one is. So, um, so I mean, there's just so many things we could talk about. And I truly hope you listen to this, if you have a partner just send it to them, like does like you can just send it to them. (Brad: Yeah send them the whole interview.) If you're unsure how to start the conversation, just send it. But like, there's also the talk about sexual resiliency, which is like as we get older things change, like, The Daily did an episode on their podcast on a Sunday about having sex in your 70s and 80s. And I thought, I wonder how that is. And it's actually you, there's a lot of things you have to think about that you never ...

Brad Crowell 24:00  

She talked about pain and sex, (Lesley: Yeah) like, like, like she talked about... effectively, like breaking down the story that you that you grew up with. We talked about that a little bit, writing (Lesley: Yeah) it down. (Lesley: Yeah) You know, there's just so much (Lesley: Yeah) in there. (Lesley: It's great ...) She talked about, like, points in your life where you have less sex, (Lesley: Yeah) or points in your life we have more and that's okay.

Lesley Logan 24:25  

You know, I just heard Michelle Obama on Oprah. Michelle Obama was talking about, like, you know, her and Barack are like, working towards like being married for like, 40 plus years. Right? And, and she'd said, you know, like, Oprah asked her something about, like, hard, hard years in there. And she said, "If you were told the beginning of your marriage, you'll be married for 45 years, but eight of them will be awful, wouldn't you like, take those odds? Rather than like, like, be married to someone for eight years, and then it's awful and you quit?" And then like, you know, like, and then you go do it again and it gets like she just ... (Brad: Hmm interesting) Yeah. So like, it's, um, there are going to be years of your marriage that are going to be a little bit different. There's many years and where you're may or not even years, we're not exact, but there's periods of time. And it's about communication and it's about understanding yourself. And if you, if you keep going back to how you want to feel, I think that curiosity is going to help you articulate what you need, and at least explore as your body changes. And as you get older, and as your relationship changes, I think it's just really, really cool. So I really hope you enjoyed this. I also really, really hope that you share it. I know, it's weird to share a sex episode. Maybe you're feeling a little weird about that. But like, what if but like, maybe that's why you should, (Brad: Right) because truly, truly, like, if, if everybody had had a different upbringing around this, like, imagine where we'd be and where your confidence levels would be and where you're like, like, you know, like, I just think that it's, this is an important conversation for us all have. So, I am (Brad: Yep) grateful for her. If you want me to bring her back. You gotta let me know. (Brad: Yep) Share it, and then I'll be like, "Oh, we got to have her back." (Brad: Totally) So anyways, I'm Lesley Logan.

Brad Crowell 26:06  

And I'm Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 26:07  

Thank you so much for joining us today. We're so grateful you're here. How are you going to use these tips in your life? (Brad: Yeah) Let us know by sending us a DM on the pod. See, it's private. You can send a DM and we'll catch you on the next episode.

Brad Crowell 26:20  

Bye for now.

Lesley Logan 26:22  

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review. And follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcasts. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the @be_it_pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others BE IT TILL YOU SEE IT. Have an awesome day!

'Be It Till You See It' is a production of 'As The Crows Fly Media'.

Brad Crowell 26:55  

It's written produced, filmed and recorded by your host Lesley Logan and me, Brad Crowell. Our Associate Producer is Amanda Frattarelli.

Lesley Logan 27:06  

Kevin Perez at Disenyo handles all of our audio editing.

Brad Crowell 27:10  

Our theme music is by Ali at APEX Production Music. And our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan 27:19  

Special thanks to our designer Jaira Mandal for creating all of our visuals (which you can't see because this is a podcast) and our digital producer, Jay Pedroso for editing all video each week so you can.

Brad Crowell 27:31  

And to Angelina Herico for transcribing each of our episodes so you can find them on our website. And, finally to Meridith Crowell for keeping us all on point and on time.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

A taboo topic no more, today’s conversation is all about changing the mindset around sex so that women can sprout roots of confidence into every area of their life. 

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected] .

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.

In this episode you will learn about:

• Expectations not met 
• Working to become sexually resilient
• Recognizing the impact of previous sexual messages 
• Erasing the performance based sex mindset
• Intentional sexuality
• How to incorporate sex education into the home
• Changing the conversation around sex

BIO: 

Dr. Celeste Holbrook is a sexologist, speaker and author who has dedicated her life to helping women achieve soul-centered sex through perfectly planned mental and behavioral changes. She inspires women to move through mental blocks surrounding their intimate lives to truly experience the sex that was spiritually designed for her. Hundreds of women have dramatically changed their relationships by following the sexual and spiritual strategies that Dr. Holbrook has created and tailored specifically for them. Her favorite moment is the spark that appears in a woman’s eyes the instant her sensual confidence is re-awakened.

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If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox.

Resources

• Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube!
• Lesley Logan website
• Be It Till You See It Podcast
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTube
• Profitable Pilates

Social Media

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• Tik Tok
• LinkedIn

Episode Transcript:

Lesley Logan 0:01  

Hey, Be It babe, how are you? Ah, thank you for being here. All right, I have a very special guest and a very important topic for us today. I have Dr. Celeste Holbrook here. She is a sexologist. So she is a sex educator. And so if you are listening to this with your earpods out, and you've got little ones around, and you would like to be the voice that talks to them about sex, then I highly recommend this as an earpod moment. Save this for when you're by yourself. However, I do hope that this inspires you, for my parents out there to have conversations, conscious conversations with your children about sex. And when I heard Dr. Celeste on another podcast, I was like, "I have to have her on." I have to have her on because I too often see women um, taking on a responsibility and a role around sex in the bedroom with their partner in a way that is not shared responsibility. And it's it's just like a lot of pressure. And I didn't even know what she was going to say until I started the Zoom conversation. And I told her why I wanted to have her on. I told her what I was thinking. And she said this thing that you're going to hear. And instantly I was like, "Yeah, you have to say that again on the podcast, you have to." Because ladies, there are so, there are so many factors that keep us from being it till we see it. And there are lots of little things we can do to make the day go better. And then there's also a major part of our lives and how we see ourselves and how we, how we ask for what we need. Ask for what we want. And and if and I I know that once you listen to this interview with Dr. Celeste Holbrook, you are going to, you're going to 100% understand that really getting clear on your sexual desires and your sexual resilience is key to being it till you see it. So with that, I hope you dive in, grab a pad of paper and some notes. She has a really amazing homework assignment for you. And I want to have her back. So let me know if you want to have her back because I want to have her back. I'm gonna have her back anyways. But um, I just think that, you know, this is a really awesome conversation. And I'm grateful for you to be here. I'm grateful for Dr. Celeste for saying "yes" and for sharing her amazing knowledge and her story. Because I do think that this conversation will change lives. And it's necessary, it's necessary to be it till you see it, it's necessary to have this conversation. So thank you for being a listener. And and here she is. Here's Dr. Celeste.

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guests will bring Bold, Executable, Intrinsic and Targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.

Alright, Be It, Be It babes. I have Dr. Celeste Holbrook here. She is a sex educator. And oh, my frickin' goodness when I heard her speak on our friend Amber Shaw's podcast, I was like, "How the heck do I get her on my podcast ASAP?" And it's because of what she talks about. And you're gonna hear it. I think it's gonna make so much sense. Why I want to have her on here. But I'm gonna let her introduce herself. So Celeste, thank you for being here. Can you tell everyone who you are and what you're rocking out right now?

Celeste Holbrook 4:16  

Oh, thanks, Lesley. It's really exciting to be on your podcast. And I really appreciate you trusting me with this content. It's definitely close to my heart and something we need to talk more about. And so I always appreciate when people provide those safe spaces for us to have these conversations. So thank you very much for having me on. My name is Celeste Holbrook. I'm a sex educator. My mission in life is to provide safe spaces for people to talk about sex. I believe that if we can, you know grow in this very vulnerable part of our life like in our sex life, we can grow in other areas of our lives that grows confidence or confident roots into other areas of our life. So it's not, it is about sex, but it's not just about sex. And I I really enjoy working with women and couples to help them find the pleasure and connection that they have always wanted in their sex life. And so that's what I do. I have a practice in Fort Worth, Texas. It's but it's all virtual. So I see everybody online on Zoom. So I see couples and individuals. And I also teach courses and work for the local sex toy shop to do education there as well. So it's a fun life. Anybody wants to go into sex education, we need more people. (Celeste laughs)

Lesley Logan 5:29  

I was gonna say. Okay, so so how, how does one go, "You know, I want to be when I grow up? A sex educator." Like, how did this (Lesley laughs) how did this come to be? (Celeste: Right?) (Celeste laughs)

Celeste Holbrook 5:38  

Right? Yeah, I'm so glad you asked that, because I grew up in a conservative household and a conservative Christian community. And I was always told that you if you, if you wait to have sex until you're married, then your marriage and your sex life are going to be great. And that was what I really believed. And so I did wait to have penetrative sex until I got married. Listen, I did everything else because (Lesley and Celeste laughs) it (Lesley: I went ...) was too much fun not to.

Lesley Logan 6:06  

Celeste, I went to a Christian University and (Celeste: Mm-hmm) the, I, the creative things people were doing. I was like, (Celeste: Yeah) "Wow, I didn't, I just was having sex." (Lesley and Celeste laughs)

Celeste Holbrook 6:07  

You're just going for it and we were just like...

... I was like, "Oh, that rule I'm breaking." (Lesley laughs)

Yeah. Yes. Good for you. Good for you. Yeah. Um, yeah, I got... I was real creative. (Celeste laughs) But I waited to have to have penetrative sex, till I got married. And then once I did get married, I got married in Austin in the morning, because my daddy always said "if you get married in the morning, and if doesn't work out you haven't wasted the whole day." (Lesley and Celeste laughs) So (Lesley: Oh my god.) I know. That's that's like small town, Texas that I grew up in, right. Um, so I get married. We go to the hotel. I like peel off my eyelashes and my ... clip in hair and like my spanx and everything. And we have penetrative sex for the first time. And it is terrible. It's awful. It hurts really bad. And I thought, "Oh my gosh, I have a broken vagina. I must have like, just like a rusty vagina or something." And I thought, "Okay, maybe I just need to do it more like I guess or something." But it didn't get better. Our whole first year of marriage we ha... there was an incredible pain. My partner didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to do. I hadn't gotten any sex education growing up. (Lesley: Right) So I mean, it was abstinence only. And so I was really lost as to what to do. I felt a lot of shame. I felt a lot of guilt. I felt a lot of anger toward my partner. And I went to an OB GYN after the first year and OB GYN did a whole examination sets list, "I don't see anything wrong with you." And then he proceeded to tell me like, "You should just have a baby, and this would get better." Which is ... really ...

Lesley Logan 7:55  

... But but, oh, my God, I can't. (Celeste: I know. I know.) Like, because also it hurts to have the sex to have the baby. (Celeste: Right, right) And like, (Celeste: Thank you.) And ... (Celeste: Yeah) Aahh. Okay, that's a whole other topic. But but (Celeste: Yeah) isn't it... Thank you for bringing up how it made you feel? Because I think that that is really the thing, no one actually teaches women, really, you know, unless you had like some (Celeste: Yeah) very open parents, and my grandparents talked about sex all the time. But (Celeste: Yeah) we were always told, like, "Well, you have to wait till you got married." So they actually didn't teach us how to have sex. They just told us like that they had a lot (Lesley laughs) (Celeste: ... about you, that there's.) Yeah, that there's so but it's true. Like so then you're supposed to like know how to do it. And then and then if it doesn't work out, it's something you and as women, I think we obviously go, "Something's wrong with me. (Celeste: Right) It's my fault. (Celeste: Right) Yeah.

Celeste Holbrook 8:46  

Well, I was told if I waited until I was married, sex would be great. And so I obviously thought something must have been wrong with me. I waited but (Lesley: Yeah) it's not great. (Lesley: Yeah) So yeah, so that was kind of the beginning. Like, in that moment, I thought, "Okay, I'm going to have to do something. I don't need somebody to tell me to stretch out my vagina. I need somebody to walk with me and give me emotional tools and give me sex education. And help me along this path so that I can have sex that feels pleasurable and connective." And so what I did was I just started giving myself better sex education. And that's why I believe in this work so much, is because sex education saved my sex life and my relationship. Like it was literally the thing that saved my life. And so I thought, "Well, gosh, if I'm an educator, you know, I was getting a PhD in Health Education. So I started studying sex education. I was like, if I can help myself, like because I gave myself the sex education I never got and I learned how to have make sex better for myself. And eventually sex is not painful, and then eventually sex was pleasurable. So I thought, if I could do it for myself, I'm sure there's other women out there who experienced something like this I've never talked to anybody who did, but I was sure that there probably was. And so that was kind of the beginning of it. I just, I, it was my own problems that I had to work on fixing. And then I thought I, this has to be helpful for somebody else.

Lesley Logan 10:16  

Yeah. (Celeste: And I appreciate them.) And I think um, so, you know, it's, I'm sure going through it, no one wants to be through it. They just want to be on the other side of it. But there's like a reason why things happen for you. Because like, now you are educating so many people all over on something that like, it's not exactly like, it's not exactly a comfortable thing to talk about. So like, (Celeste: Yeah) I'm sure you're like, "I'm sure there's other ones going through it and like, but no one's actually talking about." Like, (Celeste: no) outside after church, women are going, "Well, yep, sex was great and like, they're not doing that no one's going. (Celeste: no) I'm actually struggling." Like, no one is saying these things. (Celeste: No) And so like, how, how did you, how did you get started teaching this? Like, how did you get people to actually be comfortable coming to you and talking to you? Do you find that that's like, the next hardest thing is like actually meeting people to say, "Hi, I have a problem I need ..." (Lesley and Celeste laughs)

Celeste Holbrook 11:06  

Yeah, exactly. Well, after I, I kind of started focusing on sex education, I got a job as a sex educator for a large sex toy company. And I wasn't selling sex toys. But I was internal in the corporate office, answering the questions that came in, like, "Oh, how do I use a sex toy?" You know, a lot of those questions, but a lot of like, "I don't have any libido or sex hurts, or these activities hurts. How can I help? What lubricant should I be using?" And so then I was just like answering these questions over and over. And I realized because the the company I worked for did a good job of providing like, a safe place for women to ask questions, that that's all it took, was providing like accessibility and friendliness. And like a shame free zone, you can ask anything here, there's nothing, you know, off that you can't ask. And people just poured in, it wasn't actually that hard. Like, once you provide the space, then people ask the questions.

Lesley Logan 12:05  

Oh, my God, that couldn't be more be it till you see it. I have to say, like, I can't believe that it has to be the sex toy company that (Celeste: Right) has to do this though. Like, it's, you know, (Lesley and Celeste laughs) like, you know, the fact that like, someone with low libido can't get that information from a health care person they have to like, that's just that it had to be a little frustrating for you. So you know, people who might be like, "Okay, Lesley and Celeste, it's like, thanks for this, but I'm just trying to like, keep, like, my household sane." (Celeste: Yeah) Can you talk about like how people's lives change if they just have some comfortability, some ownership of their sex life and confidence in that?

Celeste Holbrook 12:44  

Oh yeah, absolutely. So you talked about, you know, trying to keep this household together or household sane. And one of the things that can be really helpful for people to hear is that responsibility is the biggest killer of arousal. So responsibility is the biggest killer of arousal. So we often say that's why sex can make babies and often babies are the deathblow to sex. (Lesley and Celeste laughs) Because there's, yeah, there's nothing like this big response, you'd have to keep this little potato sack alive. And so it's over the course of our lives, sex changes. And we in the practice, as sex educators, we work on helping people become sexually resilient. Meaning as my body changes, as my partnership changes, as my life changes, how do I continue to find connection and pleasure? And so to answer your question about, you know, how do we, how do we become this in this area that grows roots into other areas, it really is about a continued learning about sex, you're never really done. I'm not done learning about sex. None of us are done learning about sex. Because it changes as our bodies change and our responsibilities change. And so becoming resilient to those changes means, "Okay, this no longer turns me on. I'm going to start exploring what does at this moment instead of like, I no longer get turned on. My sex life must be done." (Lesley: Right) You know ... (Lesley: like instead of ...) it's sexual resilience.

Lesley Logan 14:13  

Yeah. Oh that's such a go... that's so interesting. And it's so true, because like, it... Well, just to go back to your doctor's advice and how terrible that was, "Go ahead, have a baby." And it's like, that's like the number one killer to sex. (Lesley and Celeste laughs) Like it's painful, or maybe he just like here, and then you won't even have to have the reason you know, (Celeste: Yeah. All right.) But sexual resilience, I think that is really an interesting way to put it because I was I was listening to a podcast where a woman who's over 50 is like, talking about her sex life. And I was like, "Oh, that's so interesting." And then like, because of the way the universe goes, they must have known and I was an interview you because The Daily that did this enter like whole story about having sex in your 70s and 80s. And I was like, (Celeste: Yeah) "I've actually never thought about that." I'm actually (Celeste: Right) never thought like, how do people when they're old have sex? (Celeste: Right) And they were talking about how different it has to be and how and how this isn't. I just think like, "What ah... No one talks about that." (Lesley laughs)

Celeste Holbrook 14:47  

No one talks about that. Yeah. Not only do we not talk about it, we desexualize anybody that's not young and white. (Celeste laughs) I mean, honestly, we just decent. Like we only sexualize. Yeah, that's not totally true. But we, we definitely do desexualize older people, we (Lesley: Mm-hmm) actually desexualize people with disabilities, we desexualize anything that doesn't fit into this very narrow definition of what we think is sexual. And so yeah, people have sex and through their 90s ... You know like, it's not, you know,

Lesley Logan 15:41  

And and then and to that point, like, because as growing up, right, like, all I saw was like, "This is what sexy is." And (Celeste: Yeah) then like, if that doesn't make you, if you don't feel good, being sexy that way, then like, again, there's something wrong with you, or there's (Celeste: Right) something like. So, okay, what is like step one, if somebody is like, "Okay, ladies, I'm in. This is like, intriguing me. How do I get sexual resilience?" Like what, how do they or how do they even get comfortable with their sexual desire? Like, what's what do you (Celeste: Yeah) use? (Lesley laughs)

Celeste Holbrook 16:12  

Yeah, absolutely. I love to start out with this with everybody. I always think about what we want to feel in sex because everything that we do behaviorally, we do it because we want to feel something. So like, I pet my dog, because I want to feel calm. I ride my bike, because I want to feel free. I do certain sex, sexual activities, because I want to feel pleasure, connection, erotic, intimate, loving, whatever it is that I want to feel in sex. And so start with the feeling. So write down my dream sexual experience would feel like and then write those words down. And then you can work your way backwards, like, "Okay, if I want to feel confident, what do I need to do behaviorally in order to feel confident? Maybe I need to learn more about my body. Maybe I need to establish a better relationship with my vulva and my clitoris. Maybe I need to have a masturbation practice. Maybe I need to read some more books." Right? So start with what you want to feel and then work your way backwards, "I want to feel connected. Okay, maybe I need to work on communication styles with my partner. Maybe I need to learn how to ask more for what I want. And maybe I don't know what I want. So maybe I need to take one more step back and figure out what I like and what I don't like and do some more creative exploration in sex," you know. So I like to start out with that list of what we want to feel. Because then you can build behaviors behind that. Lots of times we go into sex, like, "What do I want to do?" You know, like, "I want to use a spreader bar and you know, whips (Lesley laughs) and I wanna rubber and stuff like that." And all that's good and fine. But if it's not getting to what you want to feel, it's, it's gonna fall short. It's gonna fall flat in your sexual experience. So always start with what you want to feel and then build the spreader bars in behind it. (Celeste laughs)

Lesley Logan 17:58  

Oh my God, yes. Okay, love this. This is how I do goals. Like I people, like I like people are just taking action. And like, "Well, where are we going?" You know, you got to start there and work backwards. So like, this makes so much sense to me. (Lesley laughs) (Celeste: Yeah, yeah) And, and, and then it's also like, "Okay, why didn't, why didn't none of us think about that?" (Lesley laughs) (Celeste: Yeah) (Celeste laughs) So so so to the woman who is like, maybe because of how they are raised, maybe because like, just like different ideas of what sex is. And like, you know, maybe like, don't have it till you get married and then no one's talked about it. So like you... where do you suggest that even start with that comfortability? Because if they're, if that is like also just boring to them, you know, like, where did they start getting even masturbating might be actually uncomfortable. So like, (Celeste: For sure) where do we go there?

Celeste Holbrook 18:47  

For sure. And masturbation is very uncomfortable for many, many, many women. This is one of my things that comes up a lot in the practice is women will say, "I went somewhere or my friends just suggested that I get a sex toy and masturbate and that I'd find out what I like." When in reality, if you have never been encouraged to explore your genitals, or you've been told your genitals are gross, or you've grown up in a purity culture, in purity culture, where you know, you're supposed to remain pure and not touch yourself and things like that. It's far more nuanced than just grabbing a dildo and masturbating. Right? So, thinking about getting started out on your sexual journey, it can be very helpful to go back and kind of list out the sexual messages you got growing up. Like, "Who told you about sex? How old were you? What was the message? Did you have a trusted adult in your life that you could ask sex questions to? Where did you get your sexual information? What were your early sexual experiences? Did anybody clothes police you? Tell you your skirt was too short or that your bra strap was going to make boys, you know do do bad things, right? Were you told you were wearing responsible for bad behavior of men?" And so we go back, and we kind of mine for all those messages, because all of those messages harbor in our cells of our body. And we consider that traumatic neglect when you don't give a person sex education that helps them make decisions. It's like not giving a person tools to learn how to eat, right. So we do consider this traumatic neglect. So go back and look at all those messages that are being stored in your body. Because most of those messages are telling your body that sex is dangerous, like if you're told you're going to go to hell, or you're going to be unwantable or unlovable or a depetaled flower. If you have sex before you married, your body just associates that as sex is dangerous. That's its only message, right? And so when you do go to have sex and your body shuts down like mine did, and your vaginas, like, "No, we're trying to keep you safe, you know, we're gonna clamp down and get small," because we're trying to do that, it's our only job as a body is to keep you safe, then it provides pain, or it provides a low libido or it provides low arousal, all things that it thinks is trying to help keep you safe from this thing that it thought was dangerous, right? And so starting out kind of this is the long winded answer the TED the, 20 minute TED talk answer, but I feel really passionate about this, because nobody really talks about this. Is really to go back, especially with a professional can be very helpful, because it can be hard to go back and look at the messages that you've got growing up, they're harboring in your body, and then go and reparent, do inner child work to reparent those messages to tell you like, "Listen, I know you were told that you were going to be unwantable if you have sex but that's no longer true for us anymore in my 40 year old life, you know, so you don't have to be loud in my life anymore. I love you and I see you earlier me. But you don't have to be loud anymore." So it just helps our body relax into, "Okay, I don't have to put up the you know, the fight or flight in order to get out of the situation. I can relax and experience pleasure."

Lesley Logan 22:06  

Oh, thank you for saying that because I mean, I've heard you know, with my therapist, we've talked about that with my money mindset stuff. Because there's like, a little seven year old Lesley, like, freaking out and I have to go, "Hey, thank you. Hear ya. And we're good actually. We actually have money in the bank all the time now. (Lesley and Celeste laughs) It's okay, (Celeste. You're right ...) we can afford that. We're good." But I never, I never thought about with that. Because I got sent home from school. (Celeste: Oh) Because my my strap on my tank top was not an inch and a half. The thing I actually got sent home for was I was talking back because she said it's not an inch and a half. It has to be an inch and a half or and I said or it said wider than your bra strap and I'm not wearing a bra. So any strap matters. And she called my dad because I refuse to wear the gym clothes (Celeste: Yeah) that they would make you change into. And I was a public school. And I said, "No, I won't. I'll just I'll just take the absence. It's fine." You know, (Celeste: Yeah) and so she had to call my dad and my dad is like, "Who are you calling for?" And they said, "Lesley's not dressed appropriately today." He's like "Lesley?" (Lesley laughs) Because my as my sister is the one who always like dressed with the short skirt, she would take a change of clothes to school. And I was like, (Celeste: Yeah) I'm the upholder, the... I call myself a recovering perfectionist, but obviously then I was the perfectionist 4.2 (Celeste: Yeah) student getting sent home because (Celeste: Yes) this tank top is distracting the boys in her class. (Lesley laughs) (Celeste: Mm-hmm) And it is so interesting, because as you say those things I'm sure so many people are nodding their head and listening and like that... you think you think, "Oh, that was just a thing in high school." But we forget that all those things (Celeste: That's right) over our little record players and (Celeste: That's right) they are in our body. And they are telling us things that are taking away our ability to have sexual resilience, as you mentioned, and also just like, confidence in (Celeste: Yeah) ourselves and if we are not, for you said this earlier when we're off the record, but like if we're not confident in ourselves, in our sex, can you, you say it because you have the best way of saying it.

Celeste Holbrook 24:03  

No, you're fine. Yeah, I I like to think about if we have the ability to ask for what we need and what we want and what we desire in our most vulnerable space. Which one one of our most vulnerable spaces is naked with, you know, maybe somebody's penis in your mouth. And so if we're able to ask for what you want in those spaces, you can ask for a raise at work, you know, like learning the tools and the skill sets to communicate in sex. It absolutely grows roots into other areas of your life. Yeah.

Lesley Logan 24:34  

Oh my goodness. I mean, thank you for saying that because it's true. If we can be more competent there then it's just almost like so easy to just be confident in these like, fully clothed situations (Celeste: fully clothed situations) (Celeste and Lesley laughs) where like, not like, like bad things really couldn't happen if you're asking your boss for like that. (Lesley laughs) Like (Celeste: Yeah, yeah) I just... Is that something that you discovered in your, like in your your journey of educating people, is that something you've always known? Like, how did you, how did you see that as something that was like changing people's lives?

Celeste Holbrook 25:07  

I mean, I didn't always know that for sure. Still not sure that I know anything. But um (Lesley and Celeste laughs) to stay one page ahead, right? Um, yeah, I don't know, I don't, I don't know, I just saw the way that things change, especially, you know, one of my specialties is talking to women who grew up in purity culture, and kind of conservative cultures and helping them, em... embracing them, get empowered in their sexuality. And so especially in these cases, where somebody grew up, thinking that they were that sex was like their wifely duty. And then having a 180 turn to, "Oh, like sex is actually pleasure for me and connection for me. And we are two individual people who co create this sex in this third space," instead of like, to becoming one, or leaving and cleaving it is to individual fully represented people, co creating sex, right, that's a big shift. And once you identify yourself as a whole individual sexual person, that's when really like the ma... the magic happens, because you're not, I'm not here to solely server, please this other person, I'm not here as a linchpin to their arousal, like we are told when our straps are too short and (Lesley: Yeah) small, like I, you know, like, if you really think about the psychology of that, it's essentially saying, like, you are in charge for the arousal of men, and that continues in your brain, and even into your married life or your or your relationships, I am responsible for the arousal of men. And so if things aren't going well, it's clearly probably my fault. Just telling somebody their skirt is too short. That's the arc of that message over time.

Lesley Logan 26:53  

Yeah, (Celeste: Yeah) that's, oh, my gosh, I just had a flashback because, um, my dad, he's turning 70. So when he was in high school, they would make the girls like kneel to see if their skirts (Celeste: Mm-hmm) touch the ground. And I just like, think about all those women who are like, grandparents right now, parents and like, just what that did for potential confidence to do so many things in this world. Like we we think it's just oh, that's in the bedroom, or that happens twice a week or whatever. But like, the more you and I talk, the more you say things, the more I'm just like, so many women are not able to do, something that probably feels very simple, like just like being it till you see it in their job or in their (Celeste: Right) life, or like hosting a book club or, you know, being there for as a friend. And it's like, it's, it's like that, it's almost like if you could go into this one area of your life more deeply. It will do the domino effect to all these other areas. And we started hurting people's sexual resilience when they didn't even know what sex was. (Lesley laughs)

Celeste Holbrook 27:55  

Right, right. You're totally right. It's I, I love how you say that. We absolutely did. We absolutely did I mean we, yeah, didn't give anybody any information and then told them they were wrong.

Lesley Logan 28:05  

Yeah. Okay, well, okay, I have some questions for the ladies who are listening because we got a lot of busy mamas. (Celeste: Yeah) A lot of perfectionist, they're... trying to be recovering perfectionist, and just like put a lot of pressure on themselves (Celeste: Yeah) overachievers, those things I imagine are killing a lot of libido. (Celeste laughs) Am I... (Lesley laughs) (Celeste: Mama knows, mama knows) ... mama knows as you said. So what are, what are some reasons like they'll all those things are actually like hurting their bedroom, life?

Celeste Holbrook 28:40  

Right? So if we think about the way we actually learn about sex. Nobody really tells us much about sex, especially if you grew up like you and I did. Nobody really tells us about sex or how are really much about sex other than don't have it and you know, somebody used to tell me, "The best birth control is an aspirin, because you just put it in between your knees." (Celeste laughs)

Lesley Logan 29:05  

Oh, my gosh. (Lesley laughs)

Celeste Holbrook 29:07  

I know. I just thought about that. I just thought about that. Anyway, (Lesley laughs) so as far as the way that we learn about sex, we learned about it through media, through media or porn, right? We only see sex modeled in a performative way. And this is very important, because no other part of our life is only modeled performatively. Right? We see other relationships navigating through conflict, we see people cooking, we learn how to cook through seeing other people cook. We learn how to drive by being in cars with adults who are driving. Right? Sex is the only thing we don't see people having sex in a very natural setting. We only see performed sex on film. And so what happens is that becomes our identifier to what good sex is. And so let me connect this to your performers in your audience who want to do things right and correctly and perfect. Right? If our only model for sex is this very performative media kind of focused way, then we're always going to fall short, because sex in media is not real. It's scripted, it's performed, it's angled. It's all of these things that don't actually happen in real life. And so we kind of judge ourselves based on this. Like, I don't know how many times women have come to me in the practice and say, "I don't really think I'm having an orgasm." I say, "Okay, let's talk about it." And we talked about it. And it turns out, maybe she is having an orgasm, but she's not screaming from the mountaintops like it looks like they do in media. And (Lesley: Right) so she assumes that maybe she's not having one, right. And so for your, for any, any of us, all of us, me included, moving away from performance based sex, what am I doing to experience based sex. Sex, first and foremost, is an experience. And something that we feel with all of our senses, which I think is why it's so beautiful, is because it is a merge of all of our senses. And when we are rooted in our senses, we can only feel our senses in this present moment. And so that's why you hear people say, like, I was lost in the moment, it's because I can only touch in this moment, I can think about it in the future, I can think about it from from the past, but I can only experience it in this moment. And so sex is this beautiful experience of senses. And when we think about it, that way, it becomes much more pleasurable, and it becomes much more exploratory versus when we think about it, like, "These are the things I want to do. This is what I want it to look like. I definitely want to have an orgasm every time or we're going to cumm together or whatever." When you loosen the grip on what it looks like, you can feel more of the experience and probably be more fulfilled, because that's what sex really is, is an experience between the two of you, versus a performance that you're doing for some other third person, you know.

Lesley Logan 32:12  

Yeah. Oh, I keep going back to like, how do you want it to feel like that's like, (Celeste: Mm-hmm) just makes it so tangible? And also like some you can work with and it and you're right, like that performative thing? It's like it, it just, you know, if it's not perfect, you don't have this or you're like, you know, it becomes so much pressure (Lesley laughs) ( Celeste: It is) to put on yourself, how could you even be in the moment because you're like, trying to control all the things? (Lesley laughs)

Celeste Holbrook 32:42  

Yes, exactly. And if we go back to the earlier conversation of if, if responsibilities is the biggest killer of arousal, and performative sex is starting to feel like a responsibility or a chore, or I've got to do this, or I need to do this so that somebody else is happy, then like, you're just killing your arousal, right? (Lesley: Mm-hmm) If when sex becomes a chore, your arousal is just gonna continue to tank.

Lesley Logan 33:04  

Yeah, yeah. So for the people who are like, "I'm in, I love this. I'm in, I don't have time." The people who are like, they're so busy, they are... not ha... not, they don't have the time to have sex with their partner regularly or they... (Celeste: Yeah) Do you have advice for them? Is there like, quickies? (Lesley laughs) (Celeste: Sure, yeah) Like, is that the only answer like what what can we give them to like, kind of take that excuse out? Because it's it's blocking them from from enjoying pleasure and having the sexual resilience?

Celeste Holbrook 33:34  

Yeah. Well, so first, I'll say there are times in your life where you have less sex, less sex, and that's okay. There's nothing wrong with that. But what I hear you saying is, is there somebody who wants to be having, you know, a little bit more sex or more pleasurable sex but feel like they can't, it's just not happening organically? Then here's what I would say. We are, we are told, from the very beginning that sex is natural, and it is not natural. It is biological. We're built for sex. We're built for pleasure, right? It's biological, it is not natural. Just like eating is biological. We're built to consume food, you still have to learn how to cook and make it a priority. (Lesley laughs) So so sex is just like this. If you wait until your partner and you are on the same page, in the soft glowing light, and you have had just enough food in your belly, and nobody has farts, you know, going on, like, you're gonna be waiting forever. If you're just waiting for that to naturally happen. And so I do not like scheduled sex. A lot of people say schedule sex, but I do like the premise of intentional sexuality. Meaning we're not just gonna say like, "Every Tuesday at four, we're gonna bang it out." That works for some people, and that's great if it does, but for some people, that feels a little bit too much like a responsibility, but if you just say, "We're just gonna leave it up to chance and hope that someday we're on the same page of arousal." That's also not great, because it's not going to happen. You have to make it a priority. So intentional sexuality looks like this, "Hey, Lesley, I know that we're both off work on Thursday, and we're both going to be home for lunch. What do you think about, you know, setting some time aside to get intentionally sexual?" And you're like, "Yeah, yeah, that sounds good. Like, I think we could do that." And then Thursday comes along, and I ate too many breadsticks. And I'm gonna, like, I've just got too much bloated belly, and I say, "Listen, I can't do it today. Like, let's pivot to something else." And so we can either pivot for to a one way situation where my partner just comes on my skin, or we can pivot to a different day, or we can pivot to something else, but you're making sex intentional, you're looking for those opportunities for you to be together in a vulnerable space and aroused. And if you do this intentionally, sex becomes a little easier, and you're talking about it. And it takes pressure off of just one person to always be initiating, and it takes pressure off of you to always, like, for example, this happens a lot for women. If you're going to bed, and you're like, either trying to avoid sex, or like, "Oh, I don't know, if I want to do it tonight. I'm going to act like I'm asleep." Or if you're, or if every time your partner reaches out to you and just an affectionate touch, and you're kind of moving away, like, "Oh, I don't want to get into sex right now." I would encourage you to make sex more intentional, because then you avoid that, like, weird middle ground of, "Is this a sexual touch or not? Are we going to have sex or not?" It just makes it more intentional, like, "Okay, Thursday, we're we have this time scheduled where we're going to, you know, be together." And if it doesn't work out, that's okay, we can pivot to something else. And that builds sexual resilience. So it's not, you know, every Thursday at noon, but it is, "Let's talk about when sex could be available for both of us. How can I help you get more aroused? What can I do during the day to help you feel more relaxed on Wednesday night? You know, can I can I take the kids pick the kids up from school? Can I you know, make sure that the house is picked up all you take a bath? Like what what are the things that we can do to make sex more intentional." So make sex, sex a priority, you do have time for it if you want to make time for it. But you have to not wait for the margin to just open up. (Lesley: Well...) Oh, my gosh, I'm sorry, that was so long. (Celeste laughs)

Lesley Logan 37:23  

No, it's okay because what I just want you just towards the end is like really, I love so much because it just goes back to like, it's two and the other person has to help make sure that you have less responsibility for that date, for that moment to happen. And so it requires a, those of you listening to speak up and say, "Here's what (Celeste: Yeah) we really lovely, if we could have intentional sex time, and then I would know that not every time are you kissing me, "are you trying to also..." (Celeste: Yeah) Because like, that is hard. If you're like, if you are thinking, "I have the 17 things that have to happen before five o'clock, otherwise, the whole house falls down." (Celeste: That's right) And then your partner goes to kiss you and you're like, "Oh my God, every time he kisses me, we have sex," then like you're not gonna and then that creates own other ball of (Celeste: Yeah) issues in your (Celeste: Yeah) relationship. So I love that. And I also love that you're like, it needs to be like, finding out what you need and telling your partner it would be really helpful if you could, if you pick the kids up from school on Wednesday that I'll have this and then we can actually I can be relaxed and I can have that time for you. I (Celeste: That's right) love it's just so much communication. And it's that is I mean to talk about modeling. No one communicates to us about sex. So we don't know how to communicate about sex. (Lesley laughs)

Celeste Holbrook 37:31  

That's right. That's right. Let's examine your on the nose. That is exactly right.

Lesley Logan 38:40  

Um, okay. So Celeste you're I mean, you're just a wealth of knowledge. And I just I'm loving this conversation, but I want to talk about a couple things because you I always like to bring people on like, be it till you see it story. You are a mom of twins. (Celeste: Yes) So thank goodness again that you didn't listen to that doctor, because you would have had twins (Celeste laughs) possibly (Celeste: Yeah) and then probably not had been on this earth to give us all this beautiful sex education. (Celeste and Lesley laughs)

Celeste Holbrook 39:07  

And I had them via C section by the way, so it wouldn't have helped. (Lesley laughs)

Lesley Logan 39:11  

So his advice didn't like wouldn't have even worked for you. (Celeste: Yeah) Um, not the first time I've heard a doctor's advice around things like that for women. Um, that didn't go as planned. Can you tell us like about how you were doing a be it till you see it moment to have these twins because I do think it's really cool.

Celeste Holbrook 39:29  

Oh, thanks. I think this is like the coolest story. But I've always wanted twins. I don't have really twin twins that run in my family. But I just always been fascinated with twins. I'm a Gemini and so I think that's something to do with it. (Celeste and Lesley laughs) And I knew there was a slight more a bigger possibility slightly because my husband's mom is an identical twin and he has several twins in his family. Not that it typically comes from the dad's side but I was like, "Oh no, no, I could hope."

Lesley Logan 39:59  

Yeah, and also science like... (Celeste: Yeah) it could happen. (Lesley laughs)

Celeste Holbrook 40:03  

It could happen. It could totally happen. So, um, you know, my twins are almost 10 now. So this was a long time ago, but I just when we started to try and get pregnant, I got off birth control, and we were just kind of being casual about it, you know, like not trying not to have sex or not to have get pregnant and took us about a year and I finally got pregnant and I was like, super excited. And I remember, you know, during my pregnancy, just like, "I just, it would be so lovely if I could have twins. I would just really want twins." And I thought about it every day. And I really, I really do feel like I manifested it. I remember pulling into the first OB appointment and going, "Today is the day I get to find out if I'm having twins or not." Like that was my thought it wasn't, "Today's the day I get to hear a heartbeat" or anything like that was like, "Today's a day, I get to find out if I'm having twins or not." And it was still a big surprise. I'm still so excited. But I'm telling you it is the biggest miracle of my life. And here's the last thing I'll say this is really funny is when the girls were five I was telling them the story like, "Girls do you know that you're the, my biggest miracle and I feel like God gave me you specifically and to be your mom and I manifested having twins as like, you know what? Twins are just like the biggest miracle of my life." And my five year old Zoey, she turns to me and goes, "Well, yeah, but like besides jeggings, right?" And I was like ... (Lesley and Celeste laughs) Okay whatever. (Lesley: Oh, my God. Oh, my God kids.) Jeggings, that was her big miracle. (Lesley laughs)

Lesley Logan 41:39  

Oh, my God, she's she she's still a little fashionista, five years later?

Celeste Holbrook 41:43  

I mean... She loves her jeggings and when she's still rocking the jeggings, so who knows? Yeah. (Celeste and Lesley laughs)

Lesley Logan 41:50  

This, I thank you for sharing that because I do, I think people can assume that the be it's till you see it's have to be something big. Have to, "Oh, not that having twins isn't a big deal." But (Celeste: Yeah, yeah) like has to be like something that like is in business, or it has to be like some sort of project. But it could actually just be like, "I'm going to be the mom of twins. And I'm going to act like these are twins in here. And I'm going to talk (Celeste: Yeah) like and they're gonna be twins." And then they were. (Lesley laughs)

Celeste Holbrook 42:14  

Yeah and then they were. It was wild. It's totally wild.

Lesley Logan 42:17  

Yeah. Um, so because you have two girls and they're identical twins. Is your, as a ... that you are raising them for sexual resilience? Is that is that easy for you to do? Because even though it wasn't modeled for you, or is that like something you're obviously intentional about? And is that something parents can do?

Celeste Holbrook 42:38  

Yes. Such a good question. So here's what I hope that I can say to help people feel more comfortable is that I talk about sex for a living. I made this my whole career. And I still find myself nervous to talk to my own kids about sex because it's just hard. It's a hard thing to do. You don't know if you're doing it right. You don't know if you're doing it well. But yes, I'm raising my kids very intentionally, about their body and about masturbation and about all things and and honestly, they can't really get away with it. They walk into my office, and there's, you know, some dildos hanging out. (Lesley laughs) So, you know, they'll go like, "Are you teaching about penis anatomy tonight?" And I'm like, "Yeah, I'm teaching about penis anatomy tonight." And it's just that I make it normal, right? We make, we make shame, by being ashamed. And so I really try very hard to make sex a normal part of our conversations, which is easier for me because I'm a sexologists. So the, when I talk about work, we're talking about sex. But I, my deepest hope is that they will feel free to make their own educated choices about sex.

Lesley Logan 43:52  

That's cool. (Celeste: Yeah) That's really cool. I, for whatever reason, I was imagining like, like the PTA, if, (Lesley laughs) (Celeste: Oh) like, it goes well at the school. (Lesley laughs) (Celeste: Yeah. Career, career day was a thing in kindergarten.) (Lesley and Celeste laughs) (Celeste: Yeah) Oh my gosh, that's so and you're in Texas, so no offense, but I do feel like that probably had (Celeste: Yeah) some interesting parents reactions.

Celeste Holbrook 44:22  

It's possible. Luckily, they have they have really cool parents in their classroom. But listen, I'm like, you know, what, if my kids are gonna say something that brings up sex at to your house, into your home, you're welcome. (Celeste laughs) Like, man up and be an adult and talk about it. (Lesley: Yeah) I'm very, like, I feel very strongly about this. Like, you got to talk to your kids about sex.

Lesley Logan 44:41  

I think so. I think that is the biggest mistake that that that parents can make is like, not actually explaining it to them and or then making them feel that responsibility or shame around it. And like, (Celeste: Yeah) you know, I think it's because whatever their parents said, and their parents said, it's just like, it's just the worst game of telephone we've all played. And (Celeste and Lesley laughs) you know, it just gets like watered down more (Celeste: Yeah) confused like or not there at all. So, you know, Celeste, I'm just so grateful that we can have this conversation. Thank you for saying yes when I asked you. I'm a complete stranger to you. So I really appreciate it. (Celeste: Oh, absolutely.) Because like, I really do, I, the more I talk with women and as a Pilates instructor and I work with women, and, you know, I hear mostly about the struggles for their fertility. (Celeste: Mm-hmm) But also part of those conversations has to do just with sex and confidence in the bedroom. And it's like, if you're not confident there, like it really is hard to be confident, as you mentioned anywhere else. And like, that might just be the one place we can all start exploring this year. So I'm grateful. Alright, Celeste, where do people get to find you? Are you on Instagram? Is our website like, where do they get to talk to you more?

Celeste Holbrook 45:52  

Yes, you can find me on my website. It's Dr. Celeste Holbrook, d r and then my name is celesteholbrook.com. And you can find me at the same handle on Instagram and Facebook - Dr. Celeste Holbrook. I really want to make you laugh on Instagram. So please come on over (Lesley and Celeste laughs) and see my ridiculous reels that I use with sex toys. (Lesley laughs) So yeah, absolutely.

Lesley Logan 46:13  

Oh, my God, that's amazing. I'm just so grateful for this conversation. I really do. If you're, if any of this peaked your interest, like, please, you call, go to Celeste. If you, I would love it if you feel super comfortable screenshotting this and taking a picture and tagging Dr. Celeste Holbrook and the @be_it_pod with your takeaways because we could all start making this less this weird thing that no one talks about if we can just post about it on Instagram. (Lesley laughs) (Celeste: Yeah) Right? (Celeste: Absolutely. It's a powerful tool.) What a great little be it... (Celeste: Yeah) First action and having a conversation and less shame around this con... this topic. Okay, I asked everyone, because it's one thing to be informed and to get educated or even be inspired. But, you know, what are some tips that people can take away and work on for themselves to be it till they see it in this area? So bold, executable, intrinsic or targeted steps? What do you, what do you think would you have for us?

Celeste Holbrook 47:08  

So, I really like the idea of writing down what you want to feel. And if you're not feeling pleasure, if you're not feeling connected, writing those things down and talking about it with your partner, have them write down what they want to feel in sex, too, can be really just the starting point for sex getting better. So really writing down what you want to feel and will help you, you know, be it until you see it, will help you kind of get closer to feeling those things for sure. That's that's kind of once it's it feels like a small thing, but it really does change the way that you think about sex.

Lesley Logan 47:50  

I mean, I think it's like, this is just be something that's like, in all like before you get married, like these are some things, before your partner, before you even like have sex with someone. Like instead of just saying "yes," like, it should be like, and the next question is, "How do you want to feel tonight?" (Lesley laughs) (Celeste: Yes, exactly.) Like it just (Celeste: Totally) I mean, like, you know, it's like, like, you know, after we say "Hi," we say, "How are you?" Could be like, "Would you like have sex? Yes. "And how would you like to feel?" Like that (Celeste: Yeah) could just be like the the new routine in (Celeste: I love it) how we speak. Oh my gosh, I love this so much. And it ... you, I know it's you said it sounds simple. It's not like it's (Mm-hmm) like that requires a people knowing how they want to feel, which is like another so that just is a domino chain if you don't rewind and listen. (Lesley laughs) (Celeste: Yeah) Because we talked about that, but also like, I mean like what a unique thing you could be exploring instead of like, trying to like, I can't think of a better thing to spend time getting to know except for yourself and like what pleases you and like what makes you feel whole and seen? And you know, and that's, and like you said, like, if you can do it, they're in the most vulnerable state then what else you could do everything like you're unstoppable.

Celeste Holbrook 48:57  

You can do anything. I love it, unstoppable. Absolutely, (Lesley laughs) absolutely.

Lesley Logan 49:02  

Celeste, you're making unstoppable humans all over. And I'm so appreciative you. Thank you for being here. Everyone, thank you for listening. And I'm serious, like... take a screenshot of this, tag us and your takeaway, because it could be the best way to change this conversation around this. And if you're like, "Lesley, that is like the biggest step of my life." Then please text it to a friend who needs to hear this. Like, "Ladies, I know you know how your friends are feeling or you've heard like between the lines of how they're feeling, send them this like if you don't want to give them the advice yourself. You can just send them and Celeste's words can tell them. (Lesley and Celeste laughs) (Celeste: I love it.) So thank you for being here. Everyone, thanks for listening. Until next time, Be It Till You See It.

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review. And follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcasts. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the @be_it_pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others BE IT TILL YOU SEE IT. Have an awesome day!

'Be It Till You See It' is a production of 'As The Crows Fly Media'.

Brad Crowell 50:14  

It's written, produced, filmed and recorded by your host Lesley Logan and me, Brad Crowell. Our associate producer is Amanda Frattarelli.

Lesley Logan 50:25  

Kevin Perez at Disenyo handles all of our audio editing.

Brad Crowell 50:29  

Our theme music is by Ali at APEX Production Music. And our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan 50:38  

Special thanks to our designer Jaira Mandal for creating all of our visuals (which you can't see because this is a podcast) and our digital producer, Jay Pedroso for editing all video each week so you can.

Brad Crowell 50:50  

And to Angelina Herico for transcribing each of our episodes so you can find them on our website. And, finally to Meridith Crowell for keeping us all on point and on time.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai