Becoming Whole

There are just things you don't talk about at church, right?

Absolutely not!

I think the church is meant to be a place where we talk about the things that are really the most difficult to talk about in life. If we can't do that in our church community, where will we do it?

Certainly, one of those topics is sex.

Both in its beautiful, glorious holy intention that God designed sex to be between husband and wife in marriage, and also in the fallen expressions of sex that pervade our culture.

So if you're a Pastor, layperson, or Elder at a church, maybe you're a parent or a leader in some other fashion, or perhaps you lead a youth group or a small group, I want to talk to you on this podcast about how important it is to talk about sex in some way or another. And share some light ideas about how you might begin to go there with the people who are in your care.

Sex is a very sensitive topic. Bringing it up on Sunday morning can be difficult and raise many questions. 

Questions like…

• What if a lot of people are struggling, what do I do? 
• How do I care for them?

These questions, in addition to the ones mentioned in this podcast, are very difficult for leaders. But I want to emphasize how important and meaningful it is when people who are in church or Christian leadership, in their home or a small group, youth group, or from the main pulpit in a church, speak up about these topics. 

Here are a few helpful ideas that can help start or strengthen the conversations about sex.

Share stories of Sexual redemption. Making use of books and resources for sexual redemption.

Borrow from other people (listen to others' sermon notes, borrow liberally without plagiarizing)

Reach out to us at Regeneration Ministries (for consultations, an interview, resources, hosting a parent group or workshop)

Resources to have available in your church:

Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing by Jay Stringer

Is God Anti-Gay? by Sam Allberry

Born Again that Way: Coming Out, Coming to Faith, and What Comes Next by Rachel Gilson

Treading Boldly through a Pornographic World: A Field Guide for Parents by Daniel Weiss and Josh Glaser

Great sermons on sexuality: Holy Sexuality - series by Bay Area Community Church

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Sacred By Design Women's Retreat  | October 17th

Free Resources to help you on your journey to Becoming Whole:

👉Men's Overcoming Lust & Temptation Devotional
👉Women 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Women overcoming unwanted sexual Behavior)
👉Compass 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Wives who are or have been impacted by partner betrayal)

This week we will talk about breaking the allure of temptation. We will unpack it through the pattern that the enemy uses to tempt us. We can look at our sexual experiences and think that it’s just something that’s before us.

But it is actually tempting us. It looks so appealing and harmless.  Yet it has this magnetic pull that draws us in. So by talking about the patterns the enemy uses to pull us in, it will provide us the tools to get out of his tractor beam. It will expose the reality of what’s happening.

Hopefully this podcast will illuminate some things and draw you towards God in ways that will bring help and healing.

Scripture reference: Genesis 3

Know your enemy’s tactics

1. He divides and isolates

2. He exaggerates God's prohibitions

3. He attacks God's character, attacks God's character

Does this sound familiar?

Your divided, you feel isolated. He exaggerates God's prohibitions. Gets you focused away from God's blessings and focus instead on the things that you're not allowed to do. He attacks God's character, making you believe you can't trust God, he attacks your value making you think that you're less than everybody else.

What's left for you to do, when he puts that temptation in front of you? That object that looks like it satisfies that sexual temptation. It makes it look like you're experiencing a little bit of bliss, a little bit of attention, a little bit of love or pleasure from somebody. Maybe a little bit of joy in a moment?

Well, why does it look so good? What else are you supposed to do? You can't trust God, you have no value and you're all by yourself. You're surrounded by these heavy burdens of moralistic thinking that you need to obey.  There's no hope for you, so you might as well just grab at the fruit.

In the moment of temptation, first I want you to begin practicing, “this is not God against you, this is the enemy.” He is trying to get you to believe all of this stuff around you, so that you increasingly feel shame and despair. And so you are more tempted to grasp of that fruit.

What do we do from here.

1. Connect with others.  Have some people on speed dial that you can reach out to in the moment when your tempted or the moment you start hearing the accusations about yourself and God.

2. Practice gratitude and count your blessings. Secondly, practice gratitude. This is not just another moralistic thing to do. Those who are serious about counting their blessings don't struggle to believe that God gives more than the enemy gives. Count your blessings, you'll find out who gives more between the enemy and God. You'll find every time it's God.

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2026 Upcoming Retreats - Register Today!

Sacred By Design Women's Retreat  | October 17th

Free Resources to help you on your journey to Becoming Whole:

👉Men's Overcoming Lust & Temptation Devotional
👉Women 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Women overcoming unwanted sexual Behavior)
👉Compass 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Wives who are or have been impacted by partner betrayal)

This week we will be responding to a question from one our listeners. “How does someone deal with doubts about identity in Christ while struggling with sexual addiction?”

There is something about sin in general when it’s habitual and repetitive. When we experience in our bodies that conflict that we do what we don’t want to do, and we keep on doing it.

It’s hard to believe that we have a new identity in Jesus. Or in my case, there were worse sexual behaviors that I engaged in after I had a conversion and really started to follow Jesus.

So how could I trust that my conversion was real?

How can I trust that I have a new identity in Christ.

Help the show:

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2026 Upcoming Retreats - Register Today!

Sacred By Design Women's Retreat  | October 17th

Free Resources to help you on your journey to Becoming Whole:

👉Men's Overcoming Lust & Temptation Devotional
👉Women 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Women overcoming unwanted sexual Behavior)
👉Compass 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Wives who are or have been impacted by partner betrayal)

You know, it's just interesting, isn't it? That so many women wrestle with self esteem issues around their bodies. And so many men wrestle with lust.

And it seems like the enemy just has a hay day there. Because put those two together and it just seems like a recipe for couples really to struggle.

Pornography impacts both husband and wife and it certainly impacts their sexual intimacy. Here's what happens. He recognizes that when he looks at porn she feels hurt by him.

From that hurt, all sorts of questions arise in her, like, am I not valuable enough for you? Am I not pretty enough? Do you find them sexier than me? Am I not pleasing you in our bed?

When he recognizes that she feels those things, he's tempted to to keep his sin from her. To not let her know because he doesn't want to hurt her in that way. It's wired into him to want to be her hero, not the villain who hurts her.

On her side of things, she feels all those those questions. And now any insecurity she has is now highlighted. Any insecurity she has about her body, or what she feels are imperfections in her personality or in her physique. Those become highlighted for her and she feels even less desirable.

And so what happens in turn, they both end up pulling away from each other. He is keeping things from her and feeling more shame about what he's doing. She is is keeping herself from him. Because to be naked and unashamed to open herself to him, both emotionally and literally physically in the act of sex is such a vulnerable thing to do. And when a man looks elsewhere, it's very, very difficult for for a wife to believe.

Why should she? That's not to point a finger and be extra mean to the guy. But it is to highlight the complexity between husband and wife.

How there's this chemical reaction that gets tricky and really difficult and painful for both husband and wife in this situation.

God's original plan was that husband and wife would be naked and without shame. And instead, the marriage becomes a place of fear and shame. Where both feel like they need to hide themselves and wear fig leaves in front of each other in order to be accepted and loved by the other.

So what are those fig leaves?

What are those things that we keep from each other that keep us from each other?

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2026 Upcoming Retreats - Register Today!

Sacred By Design Women's Retreat  | October 17th

Free Resources to help you on your journey to Becoming Whole:

👉Men's Overcoming Lust & Temptation Devotional
👉Women 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Women overcoming unwanted sexual Behavior)
👉Compass 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Wives who are or have been impacted by partner betrayal)

Is lust a problem for you that you've been trying to overcome? If so, my guess is that at some point in your life, you've made promises to change. You've promised yourself you would change, you've promised God you would change, and you've promised others that you will change.

The problem with making promises to change is that making promises to change is actually a part of the problem. Say that five times fast. I want to explain in this podcast why that is and give you three reasons why making promises to change actually is a part of the problem.

And if you are ready, I want to offer you a better way forward.

Highlights:

Do you wrestle with lust? How does it feel?

Can you relate to this? Does it resonate with you?

When our children are born, everything changes.

The problem with pornography is not that it shows too much, but too little.

What does God do in response to our lusts?

Love incarnate vs. lust incarnate.

“If you wrestle with lust, you find your eyes, looking at people and using what you see, for selfish gratification are tempted to do so. Failing to see a whole human person, but instead of seeing body parts, objects, obstacles, then would you sit with me a while kneel with me a while at the manger."

Help the show:

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• Ask a question by emailing us
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2026 Upcoming Retreats - Register Today!

Sacred By Design Women's Retreat  | October 17th

Free Resources to help you on your journey to Becoming Whole:

👉Men's Overcoming Lust & Temptation Devotional
👉Women 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Women overcoming unwanted sexual Behavior)
👉Compass 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Wives who are or have been impacted by partner betrayal)

Today, I invite you into the healing connection between our wrestling with lust, and the face of Jesus; his visible face. 

As a parent, especially a mom, you intimately knew your child when you were pregnant. You carried the child in your womb. Even dads know their kids while they are in the womb. 

And then they were born. We saw their face for the first time, and everything changed. Everything deepened. 

And of course, that only continues as they grow. As we see new aspects of their personality, their heart, and their mind. There's something about this understanding that matters for us in the realm of lust. How Jesus, the Word who is the invisible God, became the visible God for us. There's something about this that offers us an antidote, a cure, a healing balm for our lust.

Highlights:

Do you wrestle with lust? How does it feel?

Can you relate to this? Does it resonate with you?

When our children are born, everything changes.

The problem with pornography is not that it shows too much, but too little.

What does God do in response to our lusts?

Love incarnate vs. lust incarnate.

“If you wrestle with lust, you find your eyes, looking at people and using what you see, for selfish gratification are tempted to do so. Failing to see a whole human person, but instead of seeing body parts, objects, obstacles, then would you sit with me a while kneel with me a while at the manger."

Help the show:

• Support the show
• Ask a question by emailing us
• Leave a review
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Talk To US

2026 Upcoming Retreats - Register Today!

Sacred By Design Women's Retreat  | October 17th

Free Resources to help you on your journey to Becoming Whole:

👉Men's Overcoming Lust & Temptation Devotional
👉Women 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Women overcoming unwanted sexual Behavior)
👉Compass 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Wives who are or have been impacted by partner betrayal)

Are you ready to be free?

Are you ready for life in the area of sexual integrity?

Are you ready for your relationships to be healed, and working the way God intended them?

Together we will walk through 8 phases in the journey to sexual wholeness. Through this process, you will know where you are and how to take the next steps.

Highlights:

Phase 0 – Ground zero

In this phase, there is an awareness of sexual addiction. You are living in denial and still enjoying your sin. There is a tendency to be distracted from your deeper felt needs and to often blame others or circumstances for the things not going right in your life.

Phase 1 - Uncertain but curious

There is some acknowledgment of the pain of the problem but otherwise, you feel you're okay.

You may begin looking for recovery options at this point, but no real commitment.

Phase 2 - Interested

At this point, your pain points have intensified; and you're feeling more of the weight of your actions. Maybe you have been discovered, or it's beginning to affect your family or career.

You're looking for "no risk" content; something that fits neatly into your lifestyle.

Phase 3 - Testing the waters

You have become wearier from carrying this weight and are aware that you need help.

Who can I talk to, where can I go?

Can I afford it?

You have not made any direct interaction, yet are aware you need to change.

Phase 4 - Stepping In

Ready, but still skeptical.

I need help now; I need a community!

But how do I fit in with a recovery group? Am I like them, will I be excepted?

Phase 5 - Walking forward

At this phase, you are convinced you need help but in denial about the commitment needed.  Maybe you think you don't need as much help as others do.

Perhaps you're doing the work but not ready to let your spouse know.

Phase 6 - All in

You are aware that you need help and are willing to do whatever it takes. Here you're ready to give what's necessary for however long it takes.

This is the most open and honest you have been through this process.

Phase 7 - Integration

This is the point you recognize recovery is healthy living. You are open with your weaknesses and struggles. You are aware that living a healthy life requires attention and attunement.

You were still a part of a local community however you may begin teaching or leading others into sexual wholeness.

The integration phase highlights the important fact that recovery is just a process of sanctification. It opens up more and more of our lives into the light of Christ so that we may heal, grow, and be all the men and women God has designed us to be.

Wherever you are in this process, be encouraged God is with you! Trust Him and take the next step.

Help the show

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2026 Upcoming Retreats - Register Today!

Sacred By Design Women's Retreat  | October 17th

Free Resources to help you on your journey to Becoming Whole:

👉Men's Overcoming Lust & Temptation Devotional
👉Women 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Women overcoming unwanted sexual Behavior)
👉Compass 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Wives who are or have been impacted by partner betrayal)

As the garland and the lights and the holiday specials and the festivities ramp up, where are you?

If you’re feeling temptation take over, you’re not alone.

There’s a lot more of just about everything during the holidays. Let’s try to recapture what Jesus has given us. Together, we’ll name 5 things that can distract us from Immanuel.

And, we’ll unpack 5 ways to recenter our focus back on our Savior’s birth.

Highlights:

FACING TEMPTATIONS
1. Busyness Increases 

Sexual sin is offering you an answer to your pain, discomfort, faulty views of yourself and others at a deeper level.

The answers though, are not truly satisfying.

2. Expectations Increases

Images of happy people, loving families, wealthy displays and spreads of food lead us to feel more expectations.

We’ll also feel increased inadequacy, inferiority, futility in our lives.

When the comparison game is squashing you, the message of pornography is “you are enough.”

3. Family Dysfunction Increases

Whether you’re spending more time with family of origin/extended family or you’re alone because you have no family; the loneliness and brokenness increase.

Sexual sin offers a false sense of intimacy, a sense of belonging and a false sense of connection.

4. Habits Increase

Your brain and body may remember this time of year as the time when you binge on porn more.

5. Spiritual Warfare Increases

Christmas is the celebration of the Incarnation of the Word of God. Our temptation wants to distract us from the true meaning of Christmas.

FIGHTING TEMPTATIONS

1. Fight for Peace - The Peace which Jesus has given you, which surpasses all understanding, which He gives not as the world gives.  Fight to maintain that peace.

2. Slow Down - Your breathing, eating, walking, working, slow it all down. Slow down in defiance of the spiritual warfare.

3. Simplify your Christmas - Clear away and make room for you to be at peace. Does it look like simplifying your calendar? Not putting up all the decorations?

4. Connect with people who love you - In the midst of the holidays, make time to be with the people who love you most (including people from your recovery community).

5. Create New Traditions - Be intentional and creative about nurturing yourself well to cultivate and commemorate walking with Jesus. Find an Advent devotional to work through, schedule time to serve the poor, write a letter of thanks to someone who has meant a lot to you.

If you have a sexual fall this Christmas, don’t spend time beating yourself up. Instead, turn to the One who came for you, confess what you’ve done, acknowledge it was wrong and then walk in peace with Him.

Help the show

• Support the show
• Ask a question by emailing us
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Talk To US

2026 Upcoming Retreats - Register Today!

Sacred By Design Women's Retreat  | October 17th

Free Resources to help you on your journey to Becoming Whole:

👉Men's Overcoming Lust & Temptation Devotional
👉Women 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Women overcoming unwanted sexual Behavior)
👉Compass 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Wives who are or have been impacted by partner betrayal)

Is your view of God getting in the way of your pursuit of sexual integrity? God isn’t blocking your healing. 

But your view of Him, your assumption about God could be an obstacle standing between you and your freedom.

Let’s try to understand the theology working in the background of your heart, that may be limiting your progress.

Let’s blaze a trail to Jesus when you need Him most.

Highlights:

Functional belief = what you believe in the moment of pressure

When you’re tempted to sin sexually, what do you think about God in that moment? How is god seeing you in that moment?

How do you feel in that moment as God sees you?

When you fall into sexual sin, how do you feel God sees you then?

How does He feel about you then?

The next time you go to an adult book store or knock on the door of your next hookup; bring Jesus with you. He’s already there.

Pay attention to the reality Jesus is with you everywhere you go.

Images to work into your Functional Theology:

Jesus reaching for you.

Jesus stretching his nail pierced hand to you.

Jesus rushing toward you to embrace you, carrying you, holding you up.

Read through & take note of how Peter’s Functional Theology changes in John 18:15-27 and John 21:1-17

Help the show

• Support the show
• Ask a question by emailing us
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Talk To US

2026 Upcoming Retreats - Register Today!

Sacred By Design Women's Retreat  | October 17th

Free Resources to help you on your journey to Becoming Whole:

👉Men's Overcoming Lust & Temptation Devotional
👉Women 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Women overcoming unwanted sexual Behavior)
👉Compass 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Wives who are or have been impacted by partner betrayal)

Struggling with unwanted habits can feel isolating.

Your journey to sexual integrity isn’t a common or easy topic of conversation which can leave you feeling alone.

Satan seizes your isolation as a perfect opportunity to tell you you’re different, dirty. This belief stacks a wall between you and your healing.

Let’s tear down the wall that says you’re chronically unique so you can keep moving towards becoming whole.

Highlights:

There are so many men and women, who struggle with sexual sin, believing that their struggle is different from everybody else.

If that feels like you, you need to know that belief is part of your problem and part of what keeps you stuck

When you view your problem as that which makes you chronically unique, then you actually damage your own ability to be free.

The separation from other people, from ourselves, from God is what makes us feel chronically unique.  We were never intended to live apart from ourselves, others and God the way that we do in this fallen world.

Take the risk to move out of this space.

Help the show

• Support the show
• Ask a question by emailing us
• Leave a review
• Subscribe wherever you get your podcasts
• Follow us on YouTube for much more.

Talk To US

2026 Upcoming Retreats - Register Today!

Sacred By Design Women's Retreat  | October 17th

Free Resources to help you on your journey to Becoming Whole:

👉Men's Overcoming Lust & Temptation Devotional
👉Women 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Women overcoming unwanted sexual Behavior)
👉Compass 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Wives who are or have been impacted by partner betrayal)