Waking from a dream that felt true and I’ve been awake thinking about it as though the situation is going to happened again when coming into contact with this person who attacked me randomly. Training in boxing for eight months, moved 900ks away and haven’t thought about it until now. It’s making feel anxious as around this time his partner comes up to the hinterland where my life moved too as we know the same people. Reporting to the police who wanted to press charges and get an AVO. Opting just to make a record, didn’t want to cause a scene for friendships that are no longer there anyway from this situation. 

Making lots of new friends from this move, haven’t made contact with any of the old ones, yet getting triggered from these thoughts, even though it’s only a dream, they still feel real.

Feeling anger and hurt from his aggression towards me and for creating this separation with my friends. 

Even brought him into my friendships, didn’t know he was a narcissist who has hardly any friends of his own, found out after this happened.

He is an excellent manipulator with words. 

Feels like the movie Dirty Rotton Scoundrels.

Building up those friendships over the years to now gone through this conman! 

Still stuck in anger and it’s me who hasn’t  moved on.

Is it me creating stories that are not true.

Is it me who created all of this through my thoughts, actions and self image.

Is it me that can create change, can generate good thoughts towards him, so that if he is around again, would sending him love without any judgment, any fears, any harm towards myself be the way forward.

The trigger is my father flight or fight I had to deal with throughout my childhood and teenage years, getting hit, five minutes later seeing if I want an ice cream x

Having had long conversation and many years in Dads company talking about it until one day, we resolved it and moved on.

But as we know, healing part is one thing, triggers come into play at any given time.

Maybe recognising this as a dream and my thoughts around it, enabling me not to get triggered.

How to feel and be present with this feeling. 

Lots of question to answer.