In this mega-episode, clinical psychologist Dr. Rick Hanson and Forrest Hanson explore everything you need to know about therapy. They share how you can get more from therapy, finding the approach that’s right for you, and some perspectives on why therapy is so expensive. They then run through the five major schools of Western psychotherapy before discussing a few alternative modalities. You’ll learn how long to stick with a therapist before looking for alternatives, questions to ask a prospective therapist, and how to maximize your results.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:40: The biggest factors that contribute to therapy going well

7:25: Finding the therapeutic modality that works for you

14:00: The cost of therapy, and the problem created by insurance companies

20:35: The five major schools of western psychotherapy

21:20: Psychodynamic therapy, and investigating the unconscious

23:20: Behavioral therapy, and variable reinforcement

25:55: Humanistic psychology, and seeing the good in yourself

29:05: Cognitive therapy, why insurance companies like CBT, and exploring our beliefs

36:15: Mindfulness-based therapies, and being with our experiences

41:15: Family systems therapy, social justice, somatic therapy, and non-Western thinking

46:20: The differences (and similarities) between therapy and coaching

52:40: How long therapy should take, and how to evaluate if it’s working

1:02:15: The role of client motivation 

1:04:55: Questions to ask a prospective therapist

1:10:15: The importance of the therapist’s engagement

1:12:50: Common qualities Rick found challenging with past clients

1:16:05: The importance of internalizing change, and recognizing what’s really shifting

1:21:20: Recap

Forrest is now writing on Substack, check out his work there. 

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If you’re navigating something messy, call The Dr. John Delony Show. Dr. John shares practical advice on how to connect with people, face depression, overcome anxiety, and learn what it means to be well. Listen wherever you get your podcasts. 

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Somatic psychology legend Dr. Peter Levine joins Dr. Rick and Forrest to explore how we can use body-based approaches to recover from traumatic experiences. Peter uses his personal history with trauma to illustrate the practices he’s taught to thousands of people through his work. They discuss the importance of resourcing experiences, creating safety, developing interoception, abandonment wounds, bringing a diverse perspective to somatic work, and working with shame. 

Please be aware that this episode includes a description of sexual assault.

About our Guest: Dr. Peter Levine is the creator of Somatic Experiencing and the Founder and President of the Ergos Institute for Somatic Education. He’s taught at a number of universities, has received Lifetime Achievement awards from numerous organizations, and is the best-selling author of several books, including Waking the Tiger, Healing Trauma, and his most recent book An Autobiography of Trauma: A Healing Journey.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

2:15: Peter’s dream about publishing his recent book

6:40: Themes connecting the personal and professional for Peter

10:15: Physicalization, pendulation, and decontextualization of trauma

16:15: Presence with others, and moving gently into shame to move through it

20:55: The fundamental view that we our innately healthy, and completing the arc

23:05: When the prompt “feel it in your body” doesn’t work

28:15: Advice for when you don’t have access to therapy or a SEP practitioner

30:35: Tenderness

34:30: Anchoring in the here and now when accessing past memories

39:35: Conceiving of yourself as a source of safety

43:30: Generating your own internal wellbeing

46:20: Acknowledging the reality of your history, patience, and completion

49:45: Living by dying

52:15: Recap

Offer from Dr. Rick: If you'd like to improve your self-worth, check out Rick's new 4-hour, live online workshop. You'll learn methods and practices that can actually change your brain and your habits, so you start nurturing your sense of worth and belonging. Our listeners can get 20% off with coupon code BeingWell20: https://selfworthworkshop.com/

Forrest is now writing on Substack, check out his work there. 

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

If you’re navigating something messy, call The Dr. John Delony Show. Dr. John shares practical advice on how to connect with people, face depression, overcome anxiety, and learn what it means to be well. Listen wherever you get your podcasts. 

Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts.

Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!

OneSkin focuses on delivering more than superficial results for your skin. Get started today with 15% off using code BEINGWELL at oneskin.co.

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Dr. Rick and Forrest explore a huge topic: what can we do to recover from a difficult childhood as an adult? Rick introduces a three step process that can help us reclaim our past, identify the key needs we have these days, and internalize related positive experiences. They discuss related tools from psychology like releasing repressed emotions, claiming agency where we can, and changing what we emphasize in the story of our lives. If you had a hard time growing up, this one’s for you.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:40: Recovering from childhood wounds - Reclaim, Resupply, and Repair

7:00: Clarifying your personal narrative, and the importance of agency

12:25: How the unmet needs from your past impacts your present

18:25: Changing what we emphasize in the story we tell ourselves

28:50: Letting the fizz out of the bottle

32:20: Identifying the right medicine for your unresolved wounds 

38:00: How developing competency helps you break free from your past

41:50: Self-soothing through envisioning positive experiences

45:00: The process of letting go of the childhood you wish you had

57:50: Naming what you want from life, and the universal ground of being

1:02:00: Recap 

Offer from Dr. Rick: If you'd like to improve your self-worth, check out Rick's new 4-hour, live online workshop. You'll learn methods and practices that can actually change your brain and your habits, so you start nurturing your sense of worth and belonging. Our listeners can get 20% off with coupon code BeingWell20: https://selfworthworkshop.com/

Forrest is now writing on Substack, check out his work there. 

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!

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Zocdoc helps you find expert doctors and medical professionals that specialize in the care you need, and deliver the type of experience you want. Head to zocdoc.com/being and download the Zocdoc app for FREE.

Visit airdoctorpro.com and use promo code BEING to receive up to $300 off air purifiers! When you use our code, you’ll also receive a free 3-year warranty on any unit, an $84 value

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Dr. Lindsay Gibson joins the podcast to share her groundbreaking work on emotional maturity. Forrest and Dr. Gibson explore how growing up with emotionally immature caregivers can affect our adult relationships, and what we can do to recover from these experiences, build healthier patterns, and disentangle from emotionally immature people. They start by discussing what emotional immaturity means, some of its key characteristics, and the consequences of growing up with emotionally immature parents. They then talk about how we can move away from “role-self” and develop a deeper connection with who we really are. You’ll learn practical tools for recognizing emotionally immature people, managing your relationships with them effectively, and establishing healthy boundaries.

About our Guest: Dr. Lindsay Gibson is a clinical psychologist and the author of a number of books including Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents and Disentangling from Emotionally Immature People. Her most recent work is the Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents Guided Journal.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:20: What is emotional immaturity?

7:25: Affective realism and involuntary coping mechanisms

14:00: An example of a childhood with emotionally immature caregivers

18:50: The “role-self,” and how children respond to a parent’s lack of empathy

25:15: Receiving guidance from the authentic self

29:25: How the role-self affects relationships in adulthood

41:25: Healthier relationships by connecting with the authentic self

50:10: Letting go of healing fantasies in adult relationships

56:10: Guilt, emotional coercion, fear of loneliness, and finding optimal distance

1:02:55: How to identify with yourself as a secure base

1:06:20: Recap

Offer from Dr. Rick: If you'd like to improve your self-worth, check out Rick's new 4-hour, live online workshop. You'll learn methods and practices that can actually change your brain and your habits, so you start nurturing your sense of worth and belonging. Our listeners can get 20% off with coupon code BeingWell20: https://selfworthworkshop.com/

Forrest is now writing on Substack, check out his work there. 

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!

Trust your gut with Seed’s DS-01 Daily Synbiotic. Go to Seed.com/BEINGWELL and use code 25BEINGWELL to get 25% off your first month. 

Zocdoc helps you find expert doctors and medical professionals that specialize in the care you need, and deliver the type of experience you want. Head to zocdoc.com/being and download the Zocdoc app for FREE.

Visit airdoctorpro.com and use promo code BEING to receive up to $300 off air purifiers! When you use our code, you’ll also receive a free 3-year warranty on any unit, an $84 value

Connect with the show:

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Twentysomethings are bombarded with misinformation, hype, and contradictory messages that pull them in many different directions. Dr. Meg Jay, a specialist on what she calls the “defining decade,” joins Forrest to explore how we can navigate this transformative and often anxiety-provoking time in our lives. They discuss the biggest misunderstandings about our 20s, balancing having fun with setting yourself up for the future, and common mental health issues. Topics include the pitfalls of self-diagnosis, creating a strong self-concept and building identity capital, dealing with burnout, strengthening our relationships, and more. 

About our Guest: Dr. Meg Jay is a developmental clinical psychologist who specializes in twentysomethings. She is on faculty at the University of Virginia, and is the author of a number of wonderful books, including The Defining Decade and her new book The Twentysomething Treatment: A Revolutionary Remedy for an Uncertain Age.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:20: The biggest misunderstanding about life in your 20s

4:55: Uncertainty, and becoming confident in our abilities

8:30: Nihilism about the current state of the world

14:50: Self-diagnosis, social media, and over medication

23:25: The “strength of weak ties”

27:20: Self-concept and identity capital

30:30: What helps people take action

34:15: Navigating avoidance and anxiety

41:55: Finding evidence that you’re capable of being loved

46:35: What to do you when you feel stuck

49:20: How to choose purpose

58:55: Advice to people who feel like they messed up their 20s

1:04:45: Recap

Offer from Dr. Rick: If you'd like to improve your self-worth, check out Rick's new 4-hour, live online workshop. You'll learn methods and practices that can actually change your brain and your habits, so you start nurturing your sense of worth and belonging. Our listeners can get 20% off with coupon code BeingWell20: https://selfworthworkshop.com/

Forrest is now writing on Substack, check out his work there. 

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!

Zocdoc helps you find expert doctors and medical professionals that specialize in the care you need, and deliver the type of experience you want. Head to zocdoc.com/being and download the Zocdoc app for FREE.

Trust your gut with Seed’s DS-01 Daily Synbiotic. Go to Seed.com/BEINGWELL and use code 25BEINGWELL to get 25% off your first month. 

OneSkin focuses on delivering more than superficial results for your skin. Get started today with 15% off using code BEINGWELL at oneskin.co.

Connect with the show:

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

 What do dissociation, avoidance, and emotional shutdown all have in common? They’re connected to the “freeze” response to stress. In one of our favorite episodes to date, Dr. Rick and Forrest explore the freeze response in detail. 

They talk about what stress responses are, how they impact our behavior, and why different people tend to default to different coping strategies. Forrest explains what freezing looks like in practice, and why the freeze response can be particularly difficult to navigate. Dr. Rick then shares a number of helpful strategies for working with the freeze response, including strengthening self-confidence, and the feeling of ourselves as someone who can create safety. Towards the end of the episode they discuss managing these tendencies in a relationship.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction 

1:15: Understanding stress responses

9:05: Stress responses in relationship

15:25: Why it's hard to see that you're freezing

19:05: Dissociation, and what freezing looks like in practice

23:55: Steps of moving through dissociation

30:05: Self-awareness, ‘global’ conditioning, and unconditional positive regard

38:10: How Rick would work with someone who freezes: a hypothetical case study

53:45: Seeing yourself as a source of safety

1:02:55: Recap

Offer from Dr. Rick: If you'd like to improve your self-worth, check out Rick's new 4-hour, live online workshop. You'll learn methods and practices that can actually change your brain and your habits, so you start nurturing your sense of worth and belonging. Our listeners can get 20% off with coupon code BeingWell20: https://selfworthworkshop.com/

Forrest is now writing on Substack, check out his work there. 

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

OneSkin focuses on delivering more than superficial results for your skin. Get started today with 15% off using code BEINGWELL at oneskin.co. 

Get your stand on with UPLIFT Desk! Go to UPLIFT Desk.com/BEINGWELL for 5% off your order of one of their fantastic standing desks or office products.

Trust your gut with Seed’s DS-01 Daily Synbiotic. Go to Seed.com/BEINGWELL and use code 25BEINGWELL to get 25% off your first month. 

Connect with the show:

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Forrest and Dr. Rick open up the mailbag and answer questions from listeners focused on how we can work with irrational fears, create separation from our thoughts and feelings, and set healthy boundaries in dysfunctional families. Rick then goes off on the topic of “evidence-based” vs. “not evidence-based” approaches to therapy, leading to an interesting conversation about research, statistical significance, and what makes for good therapy. We think you’ll enjoy this one, thanks for listening!

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction 

1:25: How can I respond to fears I know are irrational?

11:05: How can I disidentify from my thoughts?

21:35: How do I set healthy boundaries in a dysfunctional family system?

39:25: Are “not evidence-based” therapeutic approaches such as IFS or somatic therapy inferior to “evidence-based” approaches like CBT?

55:20: My relationship is full of conflict, and I’m considering divorce. How should I think this through?

1:05:10: Recap

Forrest is now writing on Substack, check out his work there. 

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Soonsors

Get your stand on with UPLIFT Desk! Go to UPLIFT Desk.com/BEINGWELL for 5% off your order of one of their fantastic standing desks or office products.

Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!

Trust your gut with Seed’s DS-01 Daily Synbiotic. Go to Seed.com/BEINGWELL and use code 25BEINGWELL to get 25% off your first month. 

Start each day right with IQBAR’s bars, hydration mixes, and mushroom coffees. Just text BEINGWELL to sixty-four thousand (64-000) and get an exclusive offer of 20% off plus free shipping.

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Our 20s are a unique decade filled with opportunity…including the opportunity to make a lot of mistakes. On today’s episode, Dr. Rick and Forrest share (roughly) 10 things they wish they’d known back then. They explore the balance of enjoying freedom with the compounding value of effort, a framework for finding meaning and purpose, and some of the common pitfalls that keep us stuck. Regardless of where you are in life, you’ll learn how to find and embrace your natural talents, appreciate meaningful relationships, and see things in a new light. 

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction 

1:35: The importance of the choices you make in your 20s

4:45: Balance the freedom of youth with the value of action

8:00: Embrace mentorship

13:40: Find the Three Circles: Talent, Enjoyment, and Values

21:30: Try things, and let yourself change

24:20: Avoid getting stuck (and codependent relationships)

27:35: Identify useful feedback

31:00: Avoid swerving away from natural talents, kindred spirits, good advice, and failure

36:05: The intrinsic value of creating, and lightening up about results

38:25: Focus on where you have agency

44:45: Appreciate relationships based on shared values

46:55: You get to decide what your relationships look like

47:50: Showing appreciation for your younger self

49:50: Recap

Forrest is now writing on Substack, check out his work there. 

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Get your stand on with UPLIFT Desk! Go to UPLIFT Desk.com/BEINGWELL for 5% off your order of one of their fantastic standing desks or office products.

Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!

Trust your gut with Seed’s DS-01 Daily Synbiotic. Go to Seed.com/BEINGWELL and use code 25BEINGWELL to get 25% off your first month. 

Start each day right with IQBAR’s bars, hydration mixes, and mushroom coffees. Just text BEINGWELL to sixty-four thousand (64-000) and get an exclusive offer of 20% off plus free shipping.

Connect with the show:

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On today’s episode Dr. Rick and Forrest explore self-abandonment, which occurs when we go against our authentic wants, emotions, and boundaries in order to serve others, meet external expectations, or protect ourselves emotionally. They cover where self-abandonment comes from, the psychological function it serves, and the relationship between self-abandonment and similar concepts like anxious attachment, low self-worth, and external referencing. You’ll learn how to set healthy boundaries, stop neglecting yourself, and become more secure from the inside out. 

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction 

2:00: Common features of self-abandonment

12:30: Facing the fear of our authentic self being seen

16:05: Facing shame and self-criticism

21:00: Self-referencing vs. referencing ourselves in relation to others

33:10: The belief that safety feels more critical than authenticity

40:55: Our relationship to nature, and joining with the defense

50:55: Relationships, openness to change, and bringing parts into awareness

55:20: Cognitive restructuring, and redefining our self-abandoning beliefs

58:50: Recap

Forrest is now writing on Substack, check out his work there. 

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Get your stand on with UPLIFT Desk! Go to UPLIFT Desk.com/BEINGWELL for 5% off your order of one of their fantastic standing desks or office products.

Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!

Trust your gut with Seed’s DS-01 Daily Synbiotic. Go to Seed.com/BEINGWELL and use code 25BEINGWELL to get 25% off your first month. 

Start each day right with IQBAR’s bars, hydration mixes, and mushroom coffees. Just text BEINGWELL to sixty-four thousand (64-000) and get an exclusive offer of 20% off plus free shipping.

Connect with the show:

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

There are as many ways to have a difficult relationship with food as there are ways to eat. It’s hard to get conversations about these challenges right, but today we’re taking the plunge and exploring the habit of eating when we’re not hungry with psychiatrist Dr. Jud Brewer. 

Dr. Rick, Forrest, and Dr. Jud start by discussing our often flawed approach to conversations about eating patterns, shame spirals, and the many problems with diets. They then move the conversation from what we eat to how we eat, applying Dr. Jud’s work on habits and craving to the challenge of emotional eating. Specific topics include the neuroscience behind how our hunger cues and emotional cues get mixed up, common habit loops related to food, reward value and the importance of creating a prediction error, the nature of craving as wanting without liking, mindfulness-based tools, and how we can create a bigger, better offer for our brains.

About our Guest: Dr. Jud Brewer is a psychiatrist, the director of research and innovation at Brown University’s Mindfulness Center, a professor in Behavioral and Social Sciences at the School of Public Health and Psychiatry at the School of Medicine at Brown University, and a research affiliate at MIT. He’s also the bestselling author of a number of books, including The Craving Mind, Unwinding Anxiety, and his most recent book The Hunger Habit.

Disclaimer: If you struggle with a serious restrictive eating disorder like anorexia or bulimia nervosa, the material in this conversation will not support your needs. Please consider working with your doctor or mental health clinician, or using the free resources at www.nationaleatingdisorders.org. If you need immediate help, call the ANAD hotline at 1-888-375-7767.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction and disclaimer

2:40: The surprising finding from Jud’s smoking cessation program

6:05: What Jud’s new book is not about, and information vs. behavior

11:05: The mental health impact of dieting, and the problem with willpower

18:05: Hedonic hunger, and food-mood wiring

24:15: Bringing awareness to how we eat, and our cultural conditioning

31:50: Developing freedom of choice, and the MBSR raisin exercise

36:20: A walkthrough of mindful eating

44:25: When you don't want to let go of a behavior, and finding the bigger better offer

52:50: Kindness, curiosity, and other tools for improving interoception

57:00: Ways to find the bigger better offer

1:07:45: Caring for our future self

1:11:30: Recap

Forrest is now writing on Substack, check out his work there. 

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Get your stand on with UPLIFT Desk! Go to UPLIFT Desk.com/BEINGWELL for 5% off your order of one of their fantastic standing desks or office products.

Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!

Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription.

Trust your gut with Seed’s DS-01 Daily Synbiotic. Go to Seed.com/BEINGWELL and use code 25BEINGWELL to get 25% off your first month. 

Start each day right with IQBAR’s bars, hydration mixes, and mushroom coffees. Just text BEINGWELL to sixty-four thousand (64-000) and get an exclusive offer of 20% off plus free shipping.

Connect with the show:

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices