The human body can manage all manner of insults and injuries, but complimentary valet should be standard. Shiny versus glowy versus sliding down the hood of a car. Kate gets a hot towel at the barber shop. Jacqueline’s uncapped pen dries out. A Grecian marble wet t-shirt contest. Microdosing alcohol. A curly haircut takes three days to settle, but Kate needs someone to tell her it looks the same. Jacqueline wants to take up 3D printing and continues to yearn for a patent illustrator friend. Returning to your hometown Whole Foods. Reserving the Chantilly cake. In line for a honey baked ham that spans 10 blocks. Vegan caviar is here.

Take control of your online experience today. Head to surfshark.com/berlantandnovak and use code BERLANTANDNOVAK to sign up and give it a try

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Producer: Annie Bernstein

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Music by: Naomi McPherson

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While there are strict blocks on certain ad categories in the show's automated ads system, **sometimes advertisers find ways to circumvent these restrictions**. They might categorize their ads differently or use unclear descriptions that don't immediately flag the show's set filters.

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If you sleep eight hours, there's sixteen hours left with which to work. One cigarette in the front dummy pack and last night’s dessert is known in today’s lymphatic massage. The ice cream behind the topping, forgotten. A soft arrow. Finding anchors during self-checkout meltdowns. Nostalgia is the big killer. Shallow breaths while watching TV and Toto toilet’s eagerness to receive your piss. A letter’s formation on the page may or may not be relevant. Is that Orion bathing in the big dipper? Dreams really kick in after hour nine. Cuarón. Tongue stretching to the sky, paying for local pesticides, and mystical revelations.

Take the online quiz and introduce Ollie to your pet. Visit https://ollie.com/HAGS today for 60% off your first box of meals! #ToKnowThemIsToLoveThem

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Producer: Annie Bernstein

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If you ever hear an ad during the show that you suspect shouldn't be there - please immediately let the Berlant & Novak ads team know at [email protected]

While there are strict blocks on certain ad categories in the show's automated ads system, **sometimes advertisers find ways to circumvent these restrictions**. They might categorize their ads differently or use unclear descriptions that don't immediately flag the show's set filters.

The ads team greatly appreciates you flagging these ads so they can identify advertisers who are gaming the system.

The hags are at a crossroads when it comes to brewing tea. To see a three-inch text, be touched by it, then be swept in the current of life. A read receipts reveal. Four serums, but who was the hero? Jacqueline drafts an auto-reply. Kate sees herself in the face of coin. Beetlejuice on a vision board? For lack of a better word…yeah. Don’t get your neck adjusted. The rise of subtle before and afters. To order out of pocket and have something waiting downstairs. The results of the dermaplaning have equalized. Drinking Cortados since long before it became…Trenley. Kate has a new favorite skin tint spf serum she saves the reveal for the premium feed.

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Producer: Annie Bernstein

Audio Engineer: Allie Graham

Music by: Naomi McPherson

If you ever hear an ad during the show that you suspect shouldn't be there - please immediately let the Berlant & Novak ads team know at [email protected]

While there are strict blocks on certain ad categories in the show's automated ads system, **sometimes advertisers find ways to circumvent these restrictions**. They might categorize their ads differently or use unclear descriptions that don't immediately flag the show's set filters.

The ads team greatly appreciates you flagging these ads so they can identify advertisers who are gaming the system.

Construction paper, doilies, hearts drawn with varying depths of cleavage. Empty restaurants on Wednesday evenings. The Grove at closing time. A life in the arts rejects the calendar in favor of Valentine’s dinner on the 15th. The High School self misrepresented. Thespians, athletes, badges, and cut grass. Dating advice cannot save you, but have your fun hunting it down. Boom.

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp

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Producer: Annie Bernstein

Audio Engineer: Allie Graham

Music by: Naomi McPherson

If you ever hear an ad during the show that you suspect shouldn't be there - please immediately let the Berlant & Novak ads team know at [email protected]

While there are strict blocks on certain ad categories in the show's automated ads system, **sometimes advertisers find ways to circumvent these restrictions**. They might categorize their ads differently or use unclear descriptions that don't immediately flag the show's set filters.

The ads team greatly appreciates you flagging these ads so they can identify advertisers who are gaming the system.

Agamemnon cries in the margins of The Odyssey. Honored to fear nature, the glacier melts in a time-lapse. Alka-Seltzer’s effervescence. Still waiting on Koia to send pallets. Would you rather a rickety bridge or a narrow beam across a deep ravine?

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Producer: Annie Bernstein

Audio Engineer: Allie Graham

Music by: Naomi McPherson

If you ever hear an ad during the show that you suspect shouldn't be there - please immediately let the Berlant & Novak ads team know at [email protected]

While there are strict blocks on certain ad categories in the show's automated ads system, **sometimes advertisers find ways to circumvent these restrictions**. They might categorize their ads differently or use unclear descriptions that don't immediately flag the show's set filters.

The ads team greatly appreciates you flagging these ads so they can identify advertisers who are gaming the system.

NOTE: This episode was recorded before the devastating fires in Los Angeles began. Looking for a way to directly support those affected by the LA fires? Visit this link.

A huge clock in every room changes everything. Virgin as an adjective, not waiting for seed. Reading is the only thing—it’s all that’s left—and it’s sitting there, waiting. Is there any value in a human producing sense? Dreams are more real than reality. A delivery robot named Esau delivers Elmo to a chimp. Jacqueline frees Kate to book the flight a day out. 

Take the online quiz and introduce Ollie to your pet. Visit https://ollie.com/HAGS today for 60% off your first box of meals! #ToKnowThemIsToLoveThem

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Producer: Annie Bernstein

Audio Engineer: Allie Graham

Music by: Naomi McPherson

If you ever hear an ad during the show that you suspect shouldn't be there - please immediately let the Berlant & Novak ads team know at [email protected]

While there are strict blocks on certain ad categories in the show's automated ads system, **sometimes advertisers find ways to circumvent these restrictions**. They might categorize their ads differently or use unclear descriptions that don't immediately flag the show's set filters.

The ads team greatly appreciates you flagging these ads so they can identify advertisers who are gaming the system.

NOTE: This episode was recorded before the devastating fires in Los Angeles began. Looking for a way to directly support those affected by the LA fires? Visit this link. 

Sitting with a friend with a book and a finger. Kate and Jacqueline approach all books with the spirit of divination and discover the new Tarot. Only receive color analyses at the Hollywood Farmer’s Market. Eyes crossed toward the third eye, arranging words like furniture. Dropped into a bathtub in 1987—their hands prune—soaking in Hagline poetry. 

List of words:

-Double, mother, receiver, impression, wish, future, symbols, reflection, attainment, limitation, surprise

-Sometimes, pertaining, company, lengthwise, through, related to, first, furniture, supposed, everywhere, tomorrow, transmit

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/HAGS and get on your way to being your best self.

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Producer: Annie Bernstein

Audio Engineer: Allie Graham

Music by: Naomi McPherson

If you ever hear an ad during the show that you suspect shouldn't be there - please immediately let the Berlant & Novak ads team know at [email protected]

While there are strict blocks on certain ad categories in the show's automated ads system, **sometimes advertisers find ways to circumvent these restrictions**. They might categorize their ads differently or use unclear descriptions that don't immediately flag the show's set filters.

The ads team greatly appreciates you flagging these ads so they can identify advertisers who are gaming the system.

NOTE: This episode was recorded before the devastating fires in Los Angeles began. Looking for a way to directly support those affected by the LA fires? Visit this link. 

When Rocket Money fails to flag eight years of Masterclass. A healer suggests quitting caffeine. Maybe it was decaf the whole time? It’s not your hip; it’s your back. Recalling a flannel robe that needn’t be plaid. Little, magical budgets. Mirepoix cooked over a blender's engine. The good ones are called dump recipes. Throwing money at the jaw.

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/HAGS and get on your way to being your best self. 

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Producer: Annie Bernstein

Audio Engineer: Allie Graham

Music by: Naomi McPherson

If you ever hear an ad during the show that you suspect shouldn't be there - please immediately let the Berlant & Novak ads team know at [email protected]

While there are strict blocks on certain ad categories in the show's automated ads system, **sometimes advertisers find ways to circumvent these restrictions**. They might categorize their ads differently or use unclear descriptions that don't immediately flag the show's set filters.

The ads team greatly appreciates you flagging these ads so they can identify advertisers who are gaming the system.

Decision making is violent. You have to murder the other options. Consequences do not inspire us, but passion, urgency, interest, challenge and novelty do. Jacqueline brings along a novel planner she’s testing and Kate goes rabid for it. To make peace with finite time…again?  Marlton romance and the discovery of the Bowery’s history. Some clay figures purged then carried back from the trash. Looking at other people’s journal entries on reddit. Check out the Hag Shop for several referenced items.

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Producer: Annie Bernstein

Audio Engineer: Allie Graham

Music by: Naomi McPherson

If you ever hear an ad during the show that you suspect shouldn't be there - please immediately let the Berlant & Novak ads team know at [email protected]

While there are strict blocks on certain ad categories in the show's automated ads system, **sometimes advertisers find ways to circumvent these restrictions**. They might categorize their ads differently or use unclear descriptions that don't immediately flag the show's set filters.

The ads team greatly appreciates you flagging these ads so they can identify advertisers who are gaming the system.

Clucking in the Hen House. It’s New Year’s Eve, a loaded time for many, if you forget there are endless ways to throw away your life without throwing away your life. Exit the the prison of potential. To only keep the listener company, wouldn’t this be enough.

p.s. eager to go to costco with lavaliers

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Producer: Annie Bernstein

Audio Engineer: Allie Graham

Music by: Naomi McPherson

If you ever hear an ad during the show that you suspect shouldn't be there - please immediately let the Berlant & Novak ads team know at [email protected]

While there are strict blocks on certain ad categories in the show's automated ads system, **sometimes advertisers find ways to circumvent these restrictions**. They might categorize their ads differently or use unclear descriptions that don't immediately flag the show's set filters.

The ads team greatly appreciates you flagging these ads so they can identify advertisers who are gaming the system.