We finally cover the ultimate David and Goliath story... David and Goliath! 

God, tired of having a tall, handsome king, has shifted his focus to a short, handsome king. And like an 80s New York real estate baron, he doesn't give a shit if there's overlap. Like maybe file for divorce BEFORE anointing the next one, right?

We also find a big narrative flaw when David is hired to play the lyre for Saul and David becomes like a member of the royal family. Then in the Goliath story Saul suddenly doesn't seem to know who David is at all.

Also... SO MANY REBUTTALS TO CHRISTIAN BS!
- Does the god of the bible care about all children's lives? Spoiler alert. No.
- Is the god of the bible perfect and unerring? Spoiler alert. No.
- Does the god of the bible change his mind? Spoiler alert. Yes.
- Does the god of the bible send demons to torment people? Spoiler alert. Yes.

So you're interested. We're interested. What do you say? You want to do this thing?

Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.com
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists

Merry Christmas, sinners & sodomites! In this week’s episode we dive into the gospels with the birth of our lord and savior. A story so vital and so foundational to the religion that it only appears in two of the gospels.

But that’s ok, because in the two we have the stories line up perfectly, with minor exceptions for the time, place, events and people. That’s right, we’ll hear a story about a small family on the run from an evil king escaping to Egypt. Then we’ll hear about a small family casually raising their god-baby.

And, oh boy, is this a story for musical lovers. Everyone breaks into song. Baby kick? Let’s sing a song. Get unmuted after pissing off an angel 9 months ago? Let’s sing a song. Pick up a messiah baby? We’ve got a song for that!

Finally, we’ll learn why being a shepherd on a certain quiet, holy night was probably shit-your-pants terrifying. Let’s just say the stars weren’t the only things brightly shining.

So strap in and strap on to hear the reason for the season!

Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.com
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists

Ok. NOW Saul is king, I guess. So there is your happy ending to the story. Nothing could possibly-- What's that? God's already done with him? Ughhhhhh...

Saul pisses off the all powerful Lord by cooking meat without a license. Samuel pulled him over and cited him for sacrificing without bribing a priest. Thus our God of Love passes judgement like a coked out squirrel.

Saul's son, Jonathan, carries out a plan so vague the Philistines never saw it coming and he deals a massive defeat to them. Then he eats some honey and his dad decides to kill him. Because that makes sense. Thankfully apparently everyone stops him.

And Samuel gives a retirement speech. Israel got him a gold watch and a bottle of whiskey. Too bad he lost his pension in the financial collapse of 1170 BC. 

Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.com
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists

I know what you're thinking. WHEN THE HELL IS ISRAEL GOING TO HAVE A KING!??!!? I know. It's frustrating. I've been there many times before. But in the words of esteemed Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth: Good news, everyone!

Samuel begrudgingly tells everyone that since they have rejected God being their king, probably because nothing seemed to get done, that he's going to appoint a king for them. And luckily the most handsome and tallest guy in Israel just happens to stop by looking for ass. 

And when Samuel is telling everyone that Saul is going to be king, Saul decided to hide in the luggage and had to be fished out. How does that not give you confidence.

Be sure to check out the podcast Call Bethel by The Telegraph.

Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.com
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists

In our second episode on 1 Samuel it's all about the Ark of the Covenant! That's right, the GodBox that guarantees victory over your enemies. And we start with a story of Israel not only losing to their enemies but having the Ark stolen from them...

So what was the point of the Ark again?

God gets real testy with the folks who steal the Ark. Of course, he could get the Ark back in all kinds of non-violent ways if he, in his divine goodness, chose to. But he just gives everyone cancer and hantavirus until they give it up. Feel that radiant love.

So strap in and strap on your whip, leather jacket, and fedora!

Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.com
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists

Kicking off a new bible book strong with talk of barren women, boarding school, priests mistaking prayer for drunkenness, and shitty sons who steal meat. That's right, what other book could this be than 1 Samuel?

Samuel is the profit (sp?) that ends up appointing Saul to be king, realizing that was a fuck up and then appointing David, which works out completely fine with no issues at all. And this is starts his origin story. 

We learn about Samuel's barren mother, Hannah, who only gets pregnant once she promises to give the baby away to God. Because apparently all she really wanted was the be pregnant. And we learn about Samuel's mentor, Eli, chief priest to Israel and bad dad to Hophni and Phinehas.

Also, we kick off our attempt to go weekly with the show! So strap in and strap on for a whole lot more of our luscious voices lovingly lapping your ear holes!

Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.com
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists

WOO HOO! 50 EPISODES! So there's that.

We are joined by Josh's mom, Jill to give us a Christian perspective as we talk all things Christian. We talk about everything in this SEO-friendly bullet list:

• Leaving religion
• The Waco miniseries
• 7th Day Adventists
• A crazy Jehovah's Witness dream Jill had
• Trixie Mattel
• Pornhub
• Church abuse
• Sister Cindy
• Healing autism
• Blood transfusions
• And child marriage

Thank you to everyone who has supported us over the last two years! We love you!

Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.com
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists

Wrapping up Judges with some good old fashioned sexism, violence and mayhem! If you thought Jephthah's story was tragic, just you wait.

We meet a certain Levite who turns out to be Moses' grandson. An ambitious young man who doesn't seem to be bothered by Micah breaking all the laws his grandfather came up with.

And when his concubine runs away he has a hell of a time bringing her home. There's really just no good way of summing this up without giving away what happens. So you have to listen. 

Trigger warning: all of them. All triggers will be triggered.

Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.com
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists

Ooooh boy. This episode was so good we had to record it twice! 

We start off with an amazing story about a father and daughter and the things we do for the Lord. And the things the Lord lets us do for him despite being a loving, all knowing and all powerful Lord.

Our first Judge this episode is Jephthah. A guy that likes to make weirdly specific promises to God if he helps him kill his enemies.

Our second Judge is a guy you may have heard of before. He's the biggest prima donna in the bible, next to God. Samson and his luscious seven dreadlocks goes on a fever dream of an adventure. So much of the story is completely forgotten by most folks. Lions, bees, and linens, OH MY!

Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.com
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists

This is it folks. The crucifixion. The grand climax. Where God’s Holy Spirit comes on all of us. 

But first we find out what happened to Judas, who realized what a Judas he had been to Jesus. But of course, no one can say for sure what happened to him. 

Jesus is put on trial before Pontius Pilate who oddly comes across as a pretty decent dude. Too decent, mayhaps. And Jewish people seem to be suspiciously too eager to have Jesus killed and save ANOTHER JESUS!

And finally we discuss the crucifixion and death of Jesus. Including the rarely discussed zombie apocalypse that one of the gospels tells us happened when Jesus rose from the dead.

This is our first episode following the overturning of Roe. Linz shares her feelings on it. And we bring our grievances on the state of Christianity to God.

Love and kisses. Enjoy the episode.

Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.com
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists