Several months ago, I was helping facilitate a multi-day business training. I didn't know any of the other instructors, so when I showed up on the first day, I introduced myself to the training team. I instantly got a weird vibe from the head trainer.

She ignored my introduction entirely and started spouting off everything that still needed to be done before we could get started. Her frantic energy was palpable, and I could sense it was putting the rest of us on edge.

"She's probably just nervous about pulling off a great event," I thought to myself. "Once everything's ready to go, I'm sure she'll settle down and be more personable. Don't think too much of it."

But once the students showed up and the head trainer started her presentation, my uneasy feeling only intensified.

Her exuberant positivity felt inauthentic and staged, and frankly, it made my skin crawl. She seemed much more interested in sharing stories of her own achievements rather than teaching helpful business concepts. And she would promise that we'd take a break in 10 minutes, but then ramble on for another 45, ignoring the restless energy in the room.

"Don't be judgmental, Kristen," I admonished myself. "Just because she's doing things differently than you would doesn't make her wrong. Maybe she's overcompensating for some nervous jitters. Cut her some slack."

Over the next few days, various things this woman said or did kept rubbing me the wrong way. And each time, I would chastise myself for being judgmental and try to keep an open mind about her.

Round and round it went for 3 days. Until finally, toward the end of the last day, I admitted to myself, "I just don't like this woman." Ahh, it felt so good to tell the truth! It was such a simple statement, but for me, it was a revelation. … And then came the guilt.

In this week's throwback episode from 2017, I'm getting into why people-pleasers have a hard time with discernment and how to strengthen that muscle within yourself.

GET ON THE VIP LIST FOR OUR NEW PEOPLE PLEASING COURSE!

Getting Over People Pleasing will be open for enrollment on Tuesday, August 20th!

• This course will NOT be available 24/7. Right now, consider it a one-time thing. We may end up offering it again at some point, but likely not for another year.
• It will last for about 4 weeks, and during that time you'll get weekly video lessons and workbook prompts.
• There will be a forum so that you, and the other members of the group, can ask us questions and share your stories.
• This course is for people who want to bridge the gap between knowing what they should be doing, and actually doing it.
• Consider this course a fun-yet-challenging boot camp of sorts! We're going to help you heal some old wounds that keep you trapped in the need to please and get desensitized to the discomfort of things like setting boundaries, saying no, and speaking up for yourself.
• This course will be action-oriented. Yes, there will be some teaching, but everything we teach is going to be actionable. And we're going to hold you accountable for taking that action!
• By the end, we know you'll feel a LOT freer, calmer, more confident, and resilient.

If you haven't joined our VIP list yet, please do! There will be goodies for people who are on that list when we launch the course.

IF YOU LIKED THIS, THEN YOU'LL ALSO LOVE …

How to find your tribe and grow a network with Carolyn Birsky (April 2018)

Side Chat: Honing your intuition (& knowing when it's really fear) (June 2019)

Side Chat: Why positive thinking is mostly BS (April 2019) LINKS

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