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We are finally consummating season five, episode three and this big bang will be “Written in the Stars” (part 2)! We’ll hit up the town hall referendum on local business owners bumping uglies, the wake of an elderly lover, and end up back in… Dean’s bed of sin??? 

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We are pants OFF and hair SPIKED for season five, episode three “Written in the Stars” part one! Your hosts are in an agony of titillation as Lorelai and Luke flirt their way into their first real date and Gabby has an uncomfortable and frankly irredeemable reaction to the introduction of Logan. Join us next week for the culmination of so. Many. Things.

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LISTEN UP 5’s, A 9 IS SPEAKING: Enneagram Boner Ep

Gang, we need to talk about Enneagrams on main. Gather round as we discuss our types and generally shoot the poop about whatever's on our darling little minds. We’ll be back anon with an electrifying return to Gilmore Girls season 5!

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Throw your hockey stick out the window and bring in the marching band cause we’re wrapping up the second episode of season five with “A Messenger, Nothing More” part 2! Get ready for Supernatural cul-de-sacs, roast beef franchise fantasies, electric sensuality, and so much more.

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Just call us The Blur because we are STEAMING through the Gilmore Girls canon and blasting our way into season 5, episode 2 “A Messenger, Nothing More” part 1! We catch up with Luke supporting ye olde deadbeats, Lorelai channeling her daughter drama and blue balls into frantic overwork, Rory processing in Italy, and Lane soaring so high that we fear she can only fall. Will Zack snare her heart by being aggressively awful? Is this the episode where we finally see some Luke and Lorelai P-in-V? Tune in next week for part 2 to find out!

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We’re back baby with the thrilling conclusion of our season 5 premiere coverage. Beefs are roasted, Baptists are bumped, and both our gals head into the summer geographically removed from the objects of their affection. See you next time for (hopefully) a 35 minute HD consummation scene on a table with Luke and Lorelai.

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The people demanded it and we’re here to deliver - even more Dean and Rory pillow talk and lovemaking in our season five premiere! We’re asking the tough questions: how exactly would you get gummy bears into brownies? Do old money richie riches have Paul Blart Mall Cops guarding their mansions? And is the mystery of who chewed Taylor’s shoe the biggest enigma in true crime history? It sure is to Gabby!

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We hope you are ready for a very confusing boner with PART DEUX of our “Raincoats and Recipes” coverage. Luke and Lorelai? Thrilling! Erotic! Jason? AN AFFRONT TO THE SENSES! Dean and Rory? Uh oh!!! Naked Kirk? A delight. Season four? Over and out. 

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Grab a door and throw on your complementary robe for season four, episode 22 “Raincoats and Recipes.” The Dragonfly Inn and our legs are both OPEN FOR BUSINESS as Luke and Lorelai’s romance ascends to new heights. Nothing else could possibly happen in this episode, right? ...Right?

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We interrupt this broadcast to bring you our renewed thoughts on what's truly important in life: TLC Reality programming banger SISTER WIVES. We’ve said a lot and yet nothing at all so we had to go back to the scene of the crime for another Sister Wives Special Episode. Are we now Robin apologists? MAYBE. Would we still die for Janelle? OF COURSE. So grab some horrific decor, log on to the manosphere, and join us for a very intimate marriage.

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