Botched Archives

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! For those of you that don’t know. The show has decided to part ways with Jon and Austin. Since the episodes that come out are way behind the ones that air, we have already announced and played with a new cast member, but I’ll announce that here when the show catches up. We thank Austin and Jon for their years of great characters and comedy. Best of luck in all their future endeavors. For this episode, the crew is stranded in space. The ship is now adrift after closing the rift to Helvora. It’s been like a day, so Yokkish is obviously hungry. He has already eaten some of the crew, and now the rest need to figure out how to deal with the ship not moving, and the monster stalking them. The only person who is seemingly immune to Yokkish is Perkins. Only because Yokkish finds Perkins gross though. Who will survive? How is Yokkish murdering people? What is the plan moving forward? Who is the captain now? Tune in and find out!

Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the rules is questionable, and their moral compasses are even more so, stumble through dungeons, traps, monsters, and social intricacies as they attempt to complete a quest for wholly selfish reasons.

If you are a veteran dragon slayer from the long long ago of the 1970’s or a newbie who is interested in hearing what this devil worshipping game is all about, Botched: A D&D Podcast is the DnD Podcast for you. As mentioned, we are playing 5th edition rules, so if you’ve never played this version of the game before, listening to us will give you an idea of how it may be different from previous versions of the game. 5th edition is a great rule set to start playing the game with. Find out if there’s a local game near where you live at comic book or game stores. Hell, buy some books, buy some dice, get some food and drinks and invite your friends over to play with you for a completely different experience!

A special shout out and thank you to all of our supporters over on Patreon. You help us continue to churn out “quality” episodes. With your continued support we can upgrade our dining room, I mean studio, with better quality microphones, sound proofing and merchandise. Help us achieve our goals and reap the benefits as we will begin producing novellas of the seasons, behind the scenes features and live shows! Check out our store over at Botched Podcast where you can find tshirts, stickers, prints and more!

Feel free to email us any questions, comments or suggestions at [email protected]

Check out each of the hosts’ Twitch streams! Dennis, Phil, Tristan

Hosts: Dennis, Phil, Tristan

Art by Emily Swan

Music by Gozer

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! The pieces have been laid out. This is Zorthox’s big plan finally coming to fruition. For a very long time, the Hexiuns have looked for a way to reopen the portal to Helvora in hopes of fully “integrating” with this universe. Sure, that would mean enslaving numerous planets and populations and subjecting the universe to the cruelest of rulers, but hey, it could be worse. The rest of the crew also have plans in place to secretly try and stop this procedure before it begins. The ship, now equipped with the proper drilling lasers and sonic guns, makes way for the unfortunate planet of Mianzee. Home to the Pandomos. To sacrifice them, in order to open the portal. Will they successfully thwart Zorthox’s plans? What will become of the Pandomos? Which members of the crew, if any, will actually stand up to the captain and crew? What is it with Yokkish and vents? Tune in and find out!

Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the rules is questionable, and their moral compasses are even more so, stumble through dungeons, traps, monsters, and social intricacies as they attempt to complete a quest for wholly selfish reasons.

If you are a veteran dragon slayer from the long long ago of the 1970’s or a newbie who is interested in hearing what this devil worshipping game is all about, Botched: A D&D Podcast is the DnD Podcast for you. As mentioned, we are playing 5th edition rules, so if you’ve never played this version of the game before, listening to us will give you an idea of how it may be different from previous versions of the game. 5th edition is a great rule set to start playing the game with. Find out if there’s a local game near where you live at comic book or game stores. Hell, buy some books, buy some dice, get some food and drinks and invite your friends over to play with you for a completely different experience!

A special shout out and thank you to all of our supporters over on Patreon. You help us continue to churn out “quality” episodes. With your continued support we can upgrade our dining room, I mean studio, with better quality microphones, sound proofing and merchandise. Help us achieve our goals and reap the benefits as we will begin producing novellas of the seasons, behind the scenes features and live shows! Check out our store over at Botched Podcast where you can find tshirts, stickers, prints and more!

Feel free to email us any questions, comments or suggestions at [email protected]

Check out each of the hosts’ Twitch streams! Dennis, Phil, Tristan

Hosts: Dennis, Phil, Tristan

Art by Emily Swan

Music by Gozer

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! Now that the crew knows exactly what is needed in order to reopen the portal to Helvora, they must go and gather the necessary components to enact their plan. On top of that, they need to decide on a populated planet to sacrifice. Before they can head out, the crew needs to decide on what to do with the space lobster, because it’s now too big to warp with. After dealing with that, the crew will not only go on the hunt for the tools to accomplish their gift, but will have to deal with internal disagreements over opening the portal to Helvora. Is everyone on board with this plan? What will happen if the portal is opened? What tools do they need in order to sacrifice a planet? Which planet will be sacrificed? Why does the crew have a supply of meth on hand? Tune in and find out!

Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the rules is questionable, and their moral compasses are even more so, stumble through dungeons, traps, monsters, and social intricacies as they attempt to complete a quest for wholly selfish reasons.

If you are a veteran dragon slayer from the long long ago of the 1970’s or a newbie who is interested in hearing what this devil worshipping game is all about, Botched: A D&D Podcast is the DnD Podcast for you. As mentioned, we are playing 5th edition rules, so if you’ve never played this version of the game before, listening to us will give you an idea of how it may be different from previous versions of the game. 5th edition is a great rule set to start playing the game with. Find out if there’s a local game near where you live at comic book or game stores. Hell, buy some books, buy some dice, get some food and drinks and invite your friends over to play with you for a completely different experience!

A special shout out and thank you to all of our supporters over on Patreon. You help us continue to churn out “quality” episodes. With your continued support we can upgrade our dining room, I mean studio, with better quality microphones, sound proofing and merchandise. Help us achieve our goals and reap the benefits as we will begin producing novellas of the seasons, behind the scenes features and live shows! Check out our store over at Botched Podcast where you can find tshirts, stickers, prints and more!

Feel free to email us any questions, comments or suggestions at [email protected]

Check out each of the hosts’ Twitch streams! Dennis, Phil, Tristan

Hosts: Dennis, Phil, Tristan

Art by Emily Swan

Music by Gozer

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! Seems this crew is not quite as dumb as old Garth Jefferson was hoping any intruders might be. Not only did they not fall for the old “blow up your own house” trick, but they even deactivate the robots that are not all the way off! No fair! Well at least they have no idea how to get in the secret base. It’s not like they literally watched anyone else come out of it or anything. Even if they do manage to get in there, Garth is a master tactician with nearly limitless technology. How could the group hope to defeat such an intelligent foil? What exactly does this scientist know that is so dangerous? Why is he so keen to stay hidden? Who put this perfectly good bucket of blood on the floor? Tune in and find out!

Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the rules is questionable, and their moral compasses are even more so, stumble through dungeons, traps, monsters, and social intricacies as they attempt to complete a quest for wholly selfish reasons.

If you are a veteran dragon slayer from the long long ago of the 1970’s or a newbie who is interested in hearing what this devil worshipping game is all about, Botched: A D&D Podcast is the DnD Podcast for you. As mentioned, we are playing 5th edition rules, so if you’ve never played this version of the game before, listening to us will give you an idea of how it may be different from previous versions of the game. 5th edition is a great rule set to start playing the game with. Find out if there’s a local game near where you live at comic book or game stores. Hell, buy some books, buy some dice, get some food and drinks and invite your friends over to play with you for a completely different experience!

A special shout out and thank you to all of our supporters over on Patreon. You help us continue to churn out “quality” episodes. With your continued support we can upgrade our dining room, I mean studio, with better quality microphones, sound proofing and merchandise. Help us achieve our goals and reap the benefits as we will begin producing novellas of the seasons, behind the scenes features and live shows! Check out our store over at Botched Podcast where you can find tshirts, stickers, prints and more!

Feel free to email us any questions, comments or suggestions at [email protected]

Check out each of the hosts’ Twitch streams! Dennis, Phil, Tristan

Hosts: Dennis, Phil, Tristan

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! Apparently if you see woods, and those woods have skulls tied to each tree, with the words “keep out” written in most languages, you should just ignore that and go inside. Makes sense if you don’t think about it. Once inside these lovely, dark, and deep woods it is oddly quiet. I’m sure that’s an okay sign. Not like murderous cyborgs will be popping out of trees with mortars, satellites and cannons or anything. If they can make it past that hypothetical situation, I’m sure Garth will just be waiting in his cabin with a kettle of tea to share. What’s the deal with this cabin? Why do these cyborgs look like junk? Who the hell is this scientist anyways? Why does Zoop Zoop think trying to mate with him will be the ticket past his defenses? Tune in and find out!

Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the rules is questionable, and their moral compasses are even more so, stumble through dungeons, traps, monsters, and social intricacies as they attempt to complete a quest for wholly selfish reasons.

If you are a veteran dragon slayer from the long long ago of the 1970’s or a newbie who is interested in hearing what this devil worshipping game is all about, Botched: A D&D Podcast is the DnD Podcast for you. As mentioned, we are playing 5th edition rules, so if you’ve never played this version of the game before, listening to us will give you an idea of how it may be different from previous versions of the game. 5th edition is a great rule set to start playing the game with. Find out if there’s a local game near where you live at comic book or game stores. Hell, buy some books, buy some dice, get some food and drinks and invite your friends over to play with you for a completely different experience!

A special shout out and thank you to all of our supporters over on Patreon. You help us continue to churn out “quality” episodes. With your continued support we can upgrade our dining room, I mean studio, with better quality microphones, sound proofing and merchandise. Help us achieve our goals and reap the benefits as we will begin producing novellas of the seasons, behind the scenes features and live shows! Check out our store over at Botched Podcast where you can find tshirts, stickers, prints and more!

Feel free to email us any questions, comments or suggestions at [email protected]

Check out each of the hosts’ Twitch streams! Dennis, Phil, Tristan

Hosts: Dennis, Phil, Tristan

Art by Emily Swan

Music by Gozer

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! Now that we can add child endangerment, kidnapping, and planning to commit ritual homicide to the list of crimes the crew has committed...just kidding there is no law out here in space! The crew has arrived at the planet of Saphira. Hiding spot of Garth Jefferson. Zorthox is looking for him in hopes that he might be the key to reopening the portal to hell. However, there is a Not’n’avi ship floating around the planet acting rather strangely...oh well, nothing terrible I’m sure. Down to the planet they go where it’s calm, peaceful, and easily color corrected. What is going on with that space lobster? Are these actually Not’n’avi? Why is the crew so eager to reopen a portal to hell? WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING?! Tune in and find out!

Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the rules is questionable, and their moral compasses are even more so, stumble through dungeons, traps, monsters, and social intricacies as they attempt to complete a quest for wholly selfish reasons.

If you are a veteran dragon slayer from the long long ago of the 1970’s or a newbie who is interested in hearing what this devil worshipping game is all about, Botched: A D&D Podcast is the DnD Podcast for you. As mentioned, we are playing 5th edition rules, so if you’ve never played this version of the game before, listening to us will give you an idea of how it may be different from previous versions of the game. 5th edition is a great rule set to start playing the game with. Find out if there’s a local game near where you live at comic book or game stores. Hell, buy some books, buy some dice, get some food and drinks and invite your friends over to play with you for a completely different experience!

A special shout out and thank you to all of our supporters over on Patreon. You help us continue to churn out “quality” episodes. With your continued support we can upgrade our dining room, I mean studio, with better quality microphones, sound proofing and merchandise. Help us achieve our goals and reap the benefits as we will begin producing novellas of the seasons, behind the scenes features and live shows! Check out our store over at Botched Podcast where you can find tshirts, stickers, prints and more!

Feel free to email us any questions, comments or suggestions at [email protected]

Check out each of the hosts’ Twitch streams! Dennis, Phil, Tristan

Hosts: Dennis, Phil, Tristan

Art by Emily Swan

Music by Gozer

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! After having...aided in the destruction of Better Earth...we now have no more Earths. Well, it’s just a burning husk, but I guess that counts for something? Before the group leaves they get to witness the immediate aftermath. It turns out, most other races in the galaxy weren’t the biggest fans of the Muricans. The crew is feeling altruistic, so they decide to help out a school bus of kids fleeing the destruction. I’m sure they have no ulterior motives at all. What would a group of murderous space faring monsters want with a group of children? Will anyone come to the defense of the Muricans? Where will the crew go next? Will Perkins ever make a friend? Tune in and find out!

Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the rules is questionable, and their moral compasses are even more so, stumble through dungeons, traps, monsters, and social intricacies as they attempt to complete a quest for wholly selfish reasons.

If you are a veteran dragon slayer from the long long ago of the 1970’s or a newbie who is interested in hearing what this devil worshipping game is all about, Botched: A D&D Podcast is the DnD Podcast for you. As mentioned, we are playing 5th edition rules, so if you’ve never played this version of the game before, listening to us will give you an idea of how it may be different from previous versions of the game. 5th edition is a great rule set to start playing the game with. Find out if there’s a local game near where you live at comic book or game stores. Hell, buy some books, buy some dice, get some food and drinks and invite your friends over to play with you for a completely different experience!

A special shout out and thank you to all of our supporters over on Patreon. You help us continue to churn out “quality” episodes. With your continued support we can upgrade our dining room, I mean studio, with better quality microphones, sound proofing and merchandise. Help us achieve our goals and reap the benefits as we will begin producing novellas of the seasons, behind the scenes features and live shows! Check out our store over at Botched Podcast where you can find tshirts, stickers, prints and more!

Feel free to email us any questions, comments or suggestions at [email protected]

Check out each of the hosts’ Twitch streams! Dennis, Phil, Tristan

Hosts: Dennis, Phil, Tristan

Art by Emily Swan

Music by Gozer

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! The party has finally made it out of the Murican puzzle dungeon and is now only a few steps from the capitol building. Starting off in the sewers below the city, I wonder what sort of creatures may be lurking down there. Assuming they get into the capitol, somehow, then what? Zoop Zoop is supposed to drop a forcefield so the others can invade. Zorthox wants to gain access to their library. Joran is there to create a terrible influence via leadership and Yokkish is there to bitch about Joran. The building does look like a dick, so the president or whatever they call it, is probably at the tip-tip top. What creature could live in the sewer and feed off of poop? What will happen once the forcefield drops? Will they be able to stop the planet destroying ships? What happens if Yokkish sees blood? Tune in and find out!

Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the rules is questionable, and their moral compasses are even more so, stumble through dungeons, traps, monsters, and social intricacies as they attempt to complete a quest for wholly selfish reasons.

If you are a veteran dragon slayer from the long long ago of the 1970’s or a newbie who is interested in hearing what this devil worshipping game is all about, Botched: A D&D Podcast is the DnD Podcast for you. As mentioned, we are playing 5th edition rules, so if you’ve never played this version of the game before, listening to us will give you an idea of how it may be different from previous versions of the game. 5th edition is a great rule set to start playing the game with. Find out if there’s a local game near where you live at comic book or game stores. Hell, buy some books, buy some dice, get some food and drinks and invite your friends over to play with you for a completely different experience!

A special shout out and thank you to all of our supporters over on Patreon. You help us continue to churn out “quality” episodes. With your continued support we can upgrade our dining room, I mean studio, with better quality microphones, sound proofing and merchandise. Help us achieve our goals and reap the benefits as we will begin producing novellas of the seasons, behind the scenes features and live shows! Check out our store over at Botched Podcast where you can find tshirts, stickers, prints and more!

Check out each of the hosts’ Twitch streams! Dennis, Phil, Tristan

Art by Emily Swan

Music by Gozer

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! Holy Crap! This is our 250th episode! I can’t believe we have been around this long, let alone that anyone is listening to it. This episode is also all about classic presidents! We recorded it in December and then it just so happened that it falls on President’s Day. Go figure! Honestly, I didn’t plan it. I can’t think more than a day at a time, let alone months in advance. Anywho, the crew is finally at the end of the puzzle dungeon. All that stands between them and the capitol is a golden door...and a room with 6 presidential statues. I’m sure there’s no trap or anything. Not that the group would bother trying to wander into a trap. They will literally just go out of their way to spring something, even if it wouldn’t have gone off otherwise. Is there anything dangerous in this room? Did Dennis forget about Jon’s frog legs? What is on this golden door? How many hit points is a lot of hit points? Tune in and find out!

Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the rules is questionable, and their moral compasses are even more so, stumble through dungeons, traps, monsters, and social intricacies as they attempt to complete a quest for wholly selfish reasons.

If you are a veteran dragon slayer from the long long ago of the 1970’s or a newbie who is interested in hearing what this devil worshipping game is all about, Botched: A D&D Podcast is the DnD Podcast for you. As mentioned, we are playing 5th edition rules, so if you’ve never played this version of the game before, listening to us will give you an idea of how it may be different from previous versions of the game. 5th edition is a great rule set to start playing the game with. Find out if there’s a local game near where you live at comic book or game stores. Hell, buy some books, buy some dice, get some food and drinks and invite your friends over to play with you for a completely different experience!

A special shout out and thank you to all of our supporters over on Patreon. You help us continue to churn out “quality” episodes. With your continued support we can upgrade our dining room, I mean studio, with better quality microphones, sound proofing and merchandise. Help us achieve our goals and reap the benefits as we will begin producing novellas of the seasons, behind the scenes features and live shows! Check out our store over at Botched Podcast where you can find tshirts, stickers, prints and more!

Check out each of the hosts’ Twitch streams! Dennis, Phil, Austin & Jon, Tristan

Hosts: Dennis, Phil, Austin, Tristan, Jon

Art by Emily Swan

Music by Gozer

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! Ok, full disclosure. We did not plan the assault on the ACTUAL american capitol. We recorded this episode and the last episode a solid month before all the craziness in the world happened. It is kind of funny that we said it on the show...and then it immediately happened though. That being sad, this week is a puzzle dungeon! These trials and tribulations were created by and for true Muricans. You must hold that in your heart if you are to be successful. Sometimes puzzles are the traps! In order to really understand this puzzle dungeon you have to think like a Murican. Aka, small minded and pretty dumb. Why does this dungeon have a swirling grease hole? What do all these towers do? What do the libs like to do with their free time? What’s ol’ Bernie Sanders doin’ these days in the far flung future? Tune in and find out!

Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the rules is questionable, and their moral compasses are even more so, stumble through dungeons, traps, monsters, and social intricacies as they attempt to complete a quest for wholly selfish reasons.

If you are a veteran dragon slayer from the long long ago of the 1970’s or a newbie who is interested in hearing what this devil worshipping game is all about, Botched: A D&D Podcast is the DnD Podcast for you. As mentioned, we are playing 5th edition rules, so if you’ve never played this version of the game before, listening to us will give you an idea of how it may be different from previous versions of the game. 5th edition is a great rule set to start playing the game with. Find out if there’s a local game near where you live at comic book or game stores. Hell, buy some books, buy some dice, get some food and drinks and invite your friends over to play with you for a completely different experience!

A special shout out and thank you to all of our supporters over on Patreon. You help us continue to churn out “quality” episodes. With your continued support we can upgrade our dining room, I mean studio, with better quality microphones, sound proofing and merchandise. Help us achieve our goals and reap the benefits as we will begin producing novellas of the seasons, behind the scenes features and live shows! Check out our store over at Botched Podcast where you can find tshirts, stickers, prints and more!

Check out each of the hosts’ Twitch streams! Dennis, Phil, Austin & Jon, Tristan

Hosts: Dennis, Phil, Austin, Tristan, Jon

Art by Emily Swan

Music by Gozer