Respect for CEOs is at an all time high this holiday season, so there’s no better time to enjoy this Hallmark movie about corporate hierarchy. Christmas (that’s her name!) is the high powered girl-boss CEO of CJ Toys, a company she co-founded with her former best friend John, who left the company because he felt that maximizing profits impacted the wholesome mission of making toys. Anyone who has ever watched a Hallmark movie knows that what a successful woman needs is a free-spirited man to chill her out a bit, so it’s no surprise that CHRISTMAS CEO is about the rekindling of Christmas and John’s friendship into a romance of opposites. Hallmark movies reinforce traditional gender roles by pretending to break them. Women are go-getters in the corporate world while men have abdicated breadwinner status to enjoy independent yet domestic lives. However, man and woman’s souls are empty without each other, and it’s clear that each party’s charming quirks are merely cope for anxieties of not being able to live up to their sexual stereotypes. CHRISTMAS CEO concludes with John giving Christmas an ultimatum to choose between her lifelong dream job or romance with him, and of course she chooses him! CHRISTMAS CEO is typical brainless Hallmark fun for the whole family that makes being a CEO look really easy as long as you don’t get on the wrong person’s “naughty list.”

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We pride ourselves on staying on the cutting edge of Christmas movies, especially those made for Christians by Christians. That’s why we were excited to visit our local theater to see the new, widely-released Dallas Jenkins film based on the popular children’s novel of the same name. Originally authored by Barbara Robinson in 1972, THE BEST CHRISTMAS PAGEANT EVER tells the story of the Herdman family, affectionately dubbed “the worst kids in the world”. The Herdmans effectively run their small town of Emmanuel because no one can control their bad behavior. The town always had a sanctuary away from the mischief in church, but this seal was broken when the Herdman kids discovered the free snacks offered and insisted on participating in the yearly Christmas pageant. A cherished town tradition in Emmanuel, the Herdmans risk destroying the Christmas Pageant through their destructive irreverence, but instead their sincere, outsider curiosity about Christianity ends up winning over the hearts and minds of the rest of the congregation, creating a special memory of THE BEST CHRISTMAS PAGEANT EVER. Director Dallas Jenkins (son of Jerry B. Jenkins, co-author of the original LEFT BEHIND book series) was apparently so passionate about bringing THE BEST CHRISTMAS PAGEANT EVER to life on film that he set a daily reminder in his phone to pray for acquiring the rights to the story. It’s a shame that this passion didn’t manifest in the final project, which is styled so blandly and portrayed so literally to the text that the story comes across as cruel and inhumane toward the Herdmans instead of whimsical. 

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Christmas season 2024 is here! As usual, we at Boys’ Bible Study will be spending all of December pondering the reason for the season with Christmas movies made by Christian directors. We’re huge fans of director Chip Rossetti, but so far we’ve only ever watched his films written by and starring the singular Donald James Parker, aka “Gramps” (such as GRAMPS GOES TO COLLEGE, which we love.) So, to kick off the new Christmas season, we took a chance on a script written by Rossetti himself… and we were not disappointed. In fact, we were thrilled. THE BORROWED CHRISTMAS is a wholesome and hilarious watch about a man who makes insane life decisions and a woman who loves him for it. John Dale is a lonely rich man who dreams of the “Normal Rockwell Christmases” of his past but can no longer access the vibe due to grief over the death of his parents. He stumbles into Anne Weston’s store, whose business it is to “rent everything”, and John asks Anne to rent him the perfect Christmas. Money is no object. He asks for a wife, five kids, and carolers… the works! Anne is clearly intrigued by this handsome eccentric and sets out upon her greatest challenge yet. She secures (traffics?) orphans from the nearby orphanage to portray the kids and casts herself as the wife role after she is unable to hire an actor from the nearby Actors’ Guild (?). The Christmas that transpires is perfect in every way and ends up making a consequential impact on the life of John Dale, his two spacey maids, and everyone involved in the production. THE BORROWED CHRISTMAS is fun, snappy, and ethically dubious, so we can’t think of a better start to your Christmas season then to gather in the TV room and watch this with all of your favorite orphans.

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Intermission is over! We return back to the 7TH STREET THEATER to watch  our favorite stories about the fictional lives of Christian stage actors. This meta-media soap opera by Dave Christiano has always been one of the biggest examples of Christian fantasy to us, because it imagines a world where a Christian theater would be popular and high-earning enough to keep drawing in crowds week after week. We did an episode on 7TH STREET THEATER a few years ago where we covered more of the background about this show. We’ve basically forgotten all of our research since then, so we decided instead to focus on a four episode storyline called “THE LETTER”. In this arc, Christian stage actress Andi gets an admiring fan letter from a man who says he sees her show every week and has been praying to God for a Christian woman to enter his life. Andi has never seen this man, but his letters fill her with a mixture of excitement and confusion, especially when he says he is “attracted to her in every way.” Andi’s coworkers at the theater seem unreasonably excited for her and practically beg her to meet the guy, but Andi has doubt and decides to pray to God about it, resulting in a confusing plot-line about prayer as magical thinking. The admirer asks Andi to send a signal to him from the stage, but Andi’s signal is thwarted unknowingly by her cast members, blocking the meeting. Is this really a sign from God, or is it the beginning stages of mental illness? Almost every aspect of this scenario, from Andi’s reaction, to her coworkers’ reactions, to the insane letters themselves, seems wildly off base for how someone in real life would handle this situation. It’s a pretty bizarre plot from a show that usually tries to be as tediously realistic as possible. That’s why there’s no better introduction to prolific Christian creator Dave Christiano’s mind than THE LETTER. 

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This amateur but ambitious work of CGI animation has developed a cult following online for its bizarre aesthetics. JOSHUA AND THE PROMISED LAND is the passion project of animator Jim Lion. Coincidentally (or not?) all of the heroic characters in the film are anthropomorphic lions. The film centers around Joshua, a young lion living in modern times. His bickering parents ask him to get out of the way as they prepare dinner, so Joshua goes to his room and uses his vivid childlike imagination and the powers of his imaginary best friend Chris (a floating dog made out of TV static) to warp back in time to the Old Testament era. Joshua and Chris meet Moses and join his wandering band of Israelites in the desert hunting for the Promised Land, and protagonist Joshua becomes the Joshua of the Bible, mentored by Moses to take over leadership of the Israelites after Moses’s death. Joshua rises to the challenge and prepares for battle with the walled city of Jericho, one of the most famous Old Testament stories from Joshua 6. Jim Lion built a legitimately fascinating visual world of CGI for these famous bible characters to inhabit. The smooth, simple polygons and bright colors of Lion’s visual language are a powerful tool for communicating the surreal awe of Old Testament stories. The Old Testament is very hard to depict visually because the huge scope of its supernatural stories of death and destruction don’t get a lot of breathing room within the Bible’s terse, compact prose. It’s obvious that JOSHUA AND THE PROMISED LAND is not an “accurate” depiction of these happenings, but the film does faithfully translate how seeing these events unfold with your own eyes would completely break your brain.

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Forget French body horror or the return of Francis Ford Coppola: real heads know the cinematic event of 2024 was this star-studded retelling of the life of REAGAN. With experienced director Sean McNamara at the helm (ON A WING AND A PRAYER, BRATZ, THE EVEN STEVENS MOVIE) we at Boys’ Bible Study were confident this film’s depiction of Ronald Reagan would be respectful and thorough. Besides, many Americans are gearing up to vote in the most consequential election of our lifetimes, so it felt only right to review REAGAN and look back at the political values we cherish from our recent past as inspiration for casting our ballots. Dennis Quaid stars as Reagan using what appears to be a combination of prosthetics and digital de-aging (for Reagan’s younger years) that creates an otherworldly effect. He’s joined by other “who’s whos” of conservative Hollywood (Jon Voight, Robert Davi, Kevin Sorbo, Marshall Teague, and more) as well as some other surprising cameos. We were particularly excited to see Scott Stapp (former lead singer of Creed) in a quick cameo as Frank Sinatra. Much of REAGAN is re-told through grating narration of Jon Voight doing a bad Russian accent, representing the Soviet agents and politicians who the film claims monitored Reagan’s every move during his life, disturbed by his crusade against communism. REAGAN takes a nonstop glowing tone in its framing of the conservative president’s life and actions; everything Reagan done is perfect and in deliberate service to his master plan to fight the Soviets. Even the big bowls of jellybeans Reagan was known for keeping in the White House were a clever personality test for evaluating his cabinet, by seeing which flavors they chose. It seems clear that the REAGAN film is a piece of cultural warfare trying to inject some positive reviews of conservatism into the popular mindset, made by Hollywood conservatives who might relate to Reagan’s own background as an actor. Ultimately, this choice to uplift Reagan’s career at all costs makes the film a laughably ridiculous puff piece. Whatever your political values, t’s simply not serious to reduce the life of a consequential politician to the level of complication of a YA novel.

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In Bible verse Matthew 18:20, Jesus says, “For where two or three are gathered in my name, there I am with them.” To which we ask: two or what? G-g-g-ghosts? This Christian horror film featuring a predominantly black cast gets a touch of celebrity from notable costars Luenell and Faizon Love. It’s the only feature film directed by Roy Belfrey, and although it’s competently shot with some genuinely scary special effects, it suffers from narrative weakness by not coherently connecting the film’s haunting to its overtly Christian message. The film centers around a recent high school graduate named Michelle who has perfect grades and a hardworking drive that gets her a full ride scholarship to a pre-med program at a college in Minneapolis, MN. Although her tight-knit Christian family has trepidations about letting their baby stray so far from the nest, they relent because the family happens to own property in the city. Unfortunately, this property has a problem: a ghost problem. It appears to be haunted by the spirits of Russian women who were killed on the property 100 years or so ago after refusing to cell their house to greedy businessmen. The haunting of the Wilshire house escalates the tensions explored in the film between the natural world and the spiritual world; Michelle is always trying to convince her superstitious family that there is a rational explanation for everything, but even Michelle can’t explain the terrifying things happening to her. Finally, the haunting drives Michelle back with her loving family, although it’s unclear to us what Michelle learned from the experience, and how anything the film showed us has to do with the Bible verse Matthew 18:20, which was supposed to be the focal point. We at Boys’ Bible Study are still in search for a Christian horror film that threads the needle of its messaging instead of choosing style over substance.

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Christian filmmaking auteur Kenya Cagle consistently stuns us with his ambitious, surreal features that stretch the possibilities of narrative. We at Boys’ Bible Study are addicted to reviewing his films; this is our fifth selection of Cagle’s, including FATHER DAD, MY KING, THIRTEEN MONTHS, and arguably his magnum opus THE BOY WHO SAW CHRIST. All of these films will surprise you with riveting plot twists and cryptic dialogue. SIN APPLE was perfectly suited to our month spotlighting Christian horror because it portrayed a malicious “obeah” witch named Madam Latasha and her evil love curses that work so well, their victims will do anything to break them. Protagonist Richard is obsessed with a woman named Lola so much that he asks Latasha to cast an unbreakable obsession spell. He then follows Latasha’s instructions by taking a selfie with Lola after the curse is in effect, disposing of the phone afterwards. But Richard messes up and his auntie Rhonda unknowingly retrieves the enchanted smartphone. Hell literally breaks loose as Richard gets devil eyes and goes on a murder spree around both Las Vegas and New York City. Sin City… and the Big Apple? Sin… apple… it’s all coming together.

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This stylish Christian horror film, possibly inspired by the SILENT HILL franchise, is based on a novel co-authored by the two titans of Christian supernatural fiction: Frank Peretti and Ted Dekker. These writers each sold millions of copies of their respective books throughout the 2000s, identifying and filling a niche for Christian supernatural thriller literature with exciting stories that still promoted a wholesome message. HOUSE is a collaboration between Peretti and Dekker, adapted into a feature film by director Robby Henson (THR3E) in a very lurid, saturated way that nowadays feels dated to the late 2000s, and could have been influenced by the burgeoning video game adaptation genre of cinema at the time. HOUSE as a film has interesting ideas but is barely held together with no narrative follow through. A couple experiencing domestic issues gets into literally three or four car crashes within the first ten minutes of the film, then stumble upon a remote cabin hotel with eccentric hosts who try to kill the couple before telling them the legend of the Tin Man, a psycho wearing a wooden mask who claims to have killed God. Weird southern gothic set dressing and video game-style quests hurtle the plot toward a disappointing climax where (spoiler alert) the Tin Man is defeated by light. It’s barely coherent and barely Christian, and doesn’t compare to other Peretti film adaptations we enjoyed such as HANGMAN’S CURSE (2003), but at least it’s weird and funny with bold, bright colors that remind us how Christian cinema tried to merge with the secular in the chaotic and very silly decade of the 2000s.

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This Christian domestic horror begins with happy newlyweds Grant and Christie planning their new life together in the small Virginia town of Courtland, not knowing that their inability to understand each other will soon be the catalyst to disturbing supernatural events that will tear their relationship apart forever. Grant seems excited to provide for Christie at his new job fixing up foreclosed and abandoned houses, but is much less enthusiastic to fix up their own home with tons of problems, including a hole in the ceiling and a snake infestation. Grant’s inaction has effectively made Christie a prisoner in her own home;  when her car breaks down and Grant gets mad at her for nagging him to fix it, Christie is left unable to go job hunting or even to the grocery store. But is this by Grant’s design? Meanwhile, Grant’s Bible study group is having discussions on the “curse of Eve” and Christie is beginning to see ghostly apparitions around their property. THE CURSE OF EVE is one of the most interesting Christian films we’ve watched for our podcast because it’s not just meant to flatter its Christian audience, but offers a feminist critique of Christian social groups. This is rare for a genre of movies that thrives on its own persecution within secular pop culture, feeling like it’s always under attack from the world, so why point out its own insular problems? We at BBS consider Jasmine Deanne Andrews one of the most intriguing and talented DIY filmmakers in the faith-based genre right now not only for her compelling storytelling but also for her creative and sometimes truly bizarre take on digital cinematography. 

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