Brave Widow Show

In episode 38 of the Brave Widow Show we are talking about freedom from expectations that people have of us during the grieving process and some things that you can do to lighten the burden of those expectations and maybe even understand why people have certain expectations.

As we think about grief and the healing journey, there's a lot of mixed messages and communication around expectations. If you were to ask someone, well, how long should I grieve? How long should I mourn? How long should this go on? On one hand, you might get a very concrete answer like you should grieve for a year or two years. But on the other hand, you'll hear people and grievers say, it never goes away.

Grief is a very complex thing because we are humans. Our lives are complex. We have all different timelines.

So we are going to chat about seven different expectations that we experience as we're moving through grief and, my thoughts on them, how I think they apply, and maybe some things that you can do to free yourself from these expectations that people may have.

Resources Mentioned:

Episdoe 031 : A Letter to my Friends

Brave Widow Free Resources

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The Brave Widow Community is a place where you can connect with other widows, find hope and healing, and begin to dream again for the future.  Learn more at bravewidow.com.  

Hey guys, I’m Emily Jones

I was widowed at age 37, one month shy of our 20 year wedding anniversary.  Nathan and I have four beautiful children together.  My world was turned completely upside down when I lost him.  With faith, community, and wisdom from others, I’ve been able to find hope, joy, and dream again for the future.  I want to help others do the same, too!

FOLLOW me on SOCIAL:

Twitter | @brave_widow

Instagram | @brave_widow

Facebook | https://www.facebook.com/bravewidow

YouTube | @bravewidow

Today on the Brave Widow Show I am so excited to host a personal friend and someone who served as my life coach. She is just a genuinely amazing human being. She's worked with me a lot to understand as best she can, widowhood and grief and what it's like to have that experience.

Alexandra Tanon Olsson (under_thejunipertree) is a mental health coach who helps driven individuals slow down, avoid burnout, and get clear on their goals leading to an intentional present and purpose-filled life.

After navigating through her personal life challenges, Alexandra was sparked with the yearning to help others. She learned that the most sustainable way to gain clarity and reach goals in life is by getting out of your head, slowing down and being present with yourself, avoiding burnout. She was inspired by the slow pace of living in Sweden, her newfound home, which was polar opposite to her fast pace upbringing in Miami. She learned a new, more sustainable way of living, a life of presence, intentionality, and purpose. She hopes to help others gain clarity in their lives so they too may reach their goals and live a life of purpose and intention.

She lives by the motto, maybe the fastest way to get where you wanna be is by simply slowing down.

We talk about:

~ Implementing rest

~ Different types of rest

~ Why rest is important for a widow

You can find Alexandra at:

Instagram | @under_thejunipertree

Website | Under the Juniper Tree

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The Brave Widow Community is a place where you can connect with other widows, find hope and healing, and begin to dream again for the future.  Learn more at bravewidow.com.  

Hey guys, I’m Emily Jones

I was widowed at age 37, one month shy of our 20 year wedding anniversary.  Nathan and I have four beautiful children together.  My world was turned completely upside down when I lost him.  With faith, community, and wisdom from others, I’ve been able to find hope, joy, and dream again for the future.  I want to help others do the same, too!

FOLLOW me on SOCIAL:

Twitter @brave_widow

Instagram @brave_widow

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/bravewidow

YouTube@bravewidow

In today's episode, I get to speak with Dave Every. Dave was married to his wife for 29 years before she passed just over a month ago, and they were partnered together for 32 years. Dave's story is unique in that when him and his wife got married, He knew that she had a type of condition that most kids don't survive. Most people don't make it to adulthood. Most people don't make it out of those kid or teenage years. So him and his wife knew early on that there was a high risk that she would die early. So they got to talk about things like life after she might pass and DNRs and what the future really could look like and have a special appreciation for the time that they had together.

Dave has done a lot of work online to give back to others who are grieving, and I would love for him to share with you today some of the things that he's thought about, some of the things that he's learned and what he's doing to share his journey with others.

We talk about:

~ forcing yourself to deal with grief instead of running from it

~ ideas for how to deal with your grief

~ how grievers can be hard on themselves

Quotes:

~ "It's your brain telling you, be as safe as you can because the world became much more dangerous without your partner. And that's just kind of how your brain and body see it. And it's true. You're alone, you don't have backup..."

~ "One of the Ted Talks had said, a 100% of the people you know are gonna die. And 50% of good relationships are gonna have one person to deal with this. So it's sad that society's become less able to handle grief."

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The Brave Widow Community is a place where you can connect with other widows, find hope and healing, and begin to dream again for the future.  Learn more at bravewidow.com.  

Hey guys, I’m Emily Jones

I was widowed at age 37, one month shy of our 20 year wedding anniversary.  Nathan and I have four beautiful children together.  My world was turned completely upside down when I lost him.  With faith, community, and wisdom from others, I’ve been able to find hope, joy, and dream again for the future.  I want to help others do the same, too!

FOLLOW me on SOCIAL:

Twitter @brave_widow

Instagram @brave_widow

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/bravewidow

YouTube@bravewidow

Being a widow makes celebrating Mother's Day and Father's Day a little tricky and a little tough at times, and one of the of the questions that I've been hearing most recently is, What can I do with my kids to honor my late spouse on Father's Day?

So I have some ideas. I have some things that I've done, but more importantly, I went to the experts. I asked various groups of widows what they do to honor their late spouse on Father's Day, and they came back with some really, great suggestions and ideas. So I'm hoping that in today's episode, although it'll be shorter and sweeter than normal, that you walk away with some ideas and some inspiration of things that you can do to honor your light spouse, with your kids.

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The Brave Widow Community is a place where you can connect with other widows, find hope and healing, and begin to dream again for the future.  Learn more at bravewidow.com.  

Hey guys, I’m Emily Jones

I was widowed at age 37, one month shy of our 20 year wedding anniversary.  Nathan and I have four beautiful children together.  My world was turned completely upside down when I lost him.  With faith, community, and wisdom from others, I’ve been able to find hope, joy, and dream again for the future.  I want to help others do the same, too!

FOLLOW me on SOCIAL:

Twitter @brave_widow

Instagram @brave_widow

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/bravewidow

YouTube@bravewidow

In episode 34 of the Brave Widow show we have a really amazing person. Her name is Sue Peters. She is a fellow widow and she's going to share some parts of her story and some insights of what she's learned through her grief journey, and Sue is just a beautiful person on the inside and out.

Sue is from Indiana. She was married to her husband John for almost 35 years until his untimely passing due to the bursting of his pancreas and the complications that arose from that.

She has three grown and married children who have wonderful spouses, three awesome grandkids, and three fun Grand Pups. The new Road of Widowhood has led her on a very interesting soul journey of finding and getting to know and love the new Sue Peters.

She is passionate about sharing the life, love and joy that can be found even on such a challenging road. She hopes that by sharing her stories, she can bring hope and a new view of life to those who face similar challenges, as well as a deeper connection to the stories we all hold as we walk this road of life together.

We talk about:

~ Gratitude being a huge part of the grief journey

~ The importance of loving yourself

~ Don't be afraid in stepping out

Quotes:

~ "There's also gratitude just that I'm still alive, and I still have a lot to be thankful for every single day, I wake up and the sun's shining. There's beautiful nature around me. And it helps me to realize that life is a gift. And that John maybe had his purpose and he lived his purpose. But I still have a purpose also. And, my purpose is important. And and it's important to share that with the world."

"Loss comes in so, so many ways. But if we step out and have the little bit of courage to say, Hey here's a little bit of my story. What's your story? You'll probably be surprised that everyone's more very willing to share what they've been through and it brings out love in a whole new way."

You can find Sue on:

Facebook | Heart To Soul Links

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The Brave Widow Community is a place where you can connect with other widows, find hope and healing, and begin to dream again for the future.  Learn more at bravewidow.com.  

Hey guys, I’m Emily Jones

I was widowed at age 37, one month shy of our 20 year wedding anniversary.  Nathan and I have four beautiful children together.  My world was turned completely upside down when I lost him.  With faith, community, and wisdom from others, I’ve been able to find hope, joy, and dream again for the future.  I want to help others do the same, too!

FOLLOW me on SOCIAL:

Twitter @brave_widow

Instagram @brave_widow

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/bravewidow

YouTube@bravewidow

I have a special guest on the show today. Yolanda (@h3haven) and I met through a mutual life coaching certification program that we're a part of. We connected on a topic of grief. And while Yolanda isn't a widow, she has personally experienced a very deep grief and loss, which she'll tell you about. I think you're really going to enjoy hearing from Yolanda.

We talk about:

~ Giving yourself grace

~ Don't compare your journey with someone else's

~ Allow yourself to feel whatever the feelings are

~ You have to be proactive in your healing journey

Quotes:

~ "I wanted to heal properly and not just go through the motion because we can have an Academy Award performance that everything is okay, and then at home when we're all alone, we're really struggling. I think we have to be honest with where we are. And know that it's okay for you to struggle."

~ "I allow myself to feel whatever the feelings are. I don't deny myself of being human and feeling those things. And it's a process, but we have to be comfortable with it."

You can find Yolanda on:

Facebook | H3Haven - Health, Hope and Healing Haven Inc.

Instagram | @h3haven

Email | [email protected]

Website | THE PLACE OF HEALTH, HOPE AND HEALING | H3Haven

_____________________________________________________________________________________

The Brave Widow Community is a place where you can connect with other widows, find hope and healing, and begin to dream again for the future.  Learn more at bravewidow.com.  

Hey guys, I’m Emily Jones

I was widowed at age 37, one month shy of our 20 year wedding anniversary.  Nathan and I have four beautiful children together.  My world was turned completely upside down when I lost him.  With faith, community, and wisdom from others, I’ve been able to find hope, joy, and dream again for the future.  I want to help others do the same, too!

FOLLOW me on SOCIAL:

Twitter @brave_widow

Instagram @brave_widow

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/bravewidow

YouTube@bravewidow

In episode 32 of the Brave Widow Show, I get to talk with Donna Kendrick (@widowandwisdom).

Donna is someone who lost her husband nearly 10 years ago, and she's done a lot of work to give back to the widow and the grief communities, and I think you'll agree after watching this episode that she's just a lovely person, so I think you'll really enjoy the episode today.

Donna's husband, Greg passed away suddenly in November, 2013, and during that time of grieving, she had to take control of her family's finances and learn how to navigate this new season of life. Donna has made it her life's work to help other widows and widowers navigate their own financial decisions in the first days, weeks and months of widowhood and the years to follow. She is the author of a Guide to Widowhood, navigating the first three years, which is here to help the first days, weeks, and months of widowhood and the years to follow. She is also the host of Widow Wisdom and Wealth Podcast, which aims to remove the intimidation out of financial planning so that families can handle any transitions that come their way.

We talk about:

~ Year one compared to year two.

~ It's okay to change the plan

~ Learn to expect more from your kids

~ How to handle "mommy guilt".

Quotes:

~ "I think what I also did was expect a lot out of my kids. I sat down with them and was like, okay, I need help. I need help in this house. You can help me by, keeping your room clean. Making your own lunches, things like that, which is stuff as a mom I used to do on my own."

You can find Donna on:

Facebook | Widow and Wisdom

Instagram | @widowandwisdom

Website | widow-wisdom.com

[email protected]

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The Brave Widow Community is a place where you can connect with other widows, find hope and healing, and begin to dream again for the future.  Learn more at bravewidow.com.  

Hey guys, I’m Emily Jones

I was widowed at age 37, one month shy of our 20 year wedding anniversary.  Nathan and I have four beautiful children together.  My world was turned completely upside down when I lost him.  With faith, community, and wisdom from others, I’ve been able to find hope, joy, and dream again for the future.  I want to help others do the same, too!

FOLLOW me on SOCIAL:

Twitter @brave_widow

Instagram @brave_widow

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/bravewidow

YouTube@bravewidow

Oftentimes in grief, Widows feel very misunderstood. That's pretty common. And in all of the widow communities that I'm involved in, I hear a lot of times people say, "oh, I just wish that people understood this, or I wish that my family or friends could know this, but I don't wanna have to tell 'em. I wish I could just say it, but I can't".

So what I've done over the past few months is really compile a list of things that widows want you to know as family and friends, but they don't want to have to tell you. I have eight things that I'm going to share with you. Things that oftentimes I wish that my family and friends knew or understood, but you just don't always find the right words in how to say it or to explain it.

Join me in episode 31 on the Brave Widow Show.

We talk about:

~ There’s nothing you can say to take away the pain.

~ How to say things that reassures your support for me.

~ It's okay to talk about my spouse.

Quotes:

~ "There's nothing that you can say to take away the pain. And this one's hard because as humans, we wanna fix, we wanna comfort, we wanna make it better. We wanna reassure that person, everything's gonna be okay. But there are no magic words that with a wave of the wand you can say to take away that pain".

~ "It's okay to talk about my spouse, and I know that it may be hard for you and it may make you sad, but sharing these memories, talking about my person, remembering some of the stories can be a healing thing for me as the widow, and I don't want a life where my person doesn't exist anymore or where I'm trying to pretend like they never existed" .

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The Brave Widow Community is a place where you can connect with other widows, find hope and healing, and begin to dream again for the future.  Learn more at bravewidow.com.  

Hey guys, I’m Emily Jones

I was widowed at age 37, one month shy of our 20 year wedding anniversary.  Nathan and I have four beautiful children together.  My world was turned completely upside down when I lost him.  With faith, community, and wisdom from others, I’ve been able to find hope, joy, and dream again for the future.  I want to help others do the same, too!

FOLLOW me on SOCIAL:

Twitter @brave_widow

Instagram @brave_widow

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/bravewidow

YouTube@bravewidow

Losing a spouse sends you to the edge of the earth.  You may often feel like you’re living in a different reality from everyone else.  Things that used to be important to you may no longer matter as new priorities and interests emerge over time.

In episode 30 of the Brave Widow Show we talk about 5 mindset changes that can happen when your spouse dies.

We talk about:

~ Shift in priorities

~ Greater appreciation for life

~ Increased empathy and compassion

~ Acceptance of impermanence

~ Heightened awareness of your own mortality

~ Apathy for things you used to prioritize

Quotes:

~ "All of a sudden when your spouse dies, you realize how many frivolous things that you spent time on, how you might have gotten so worked up about certain things that now you couldn't care less about."

~ "The experience of loss makes you more aware of the value of life and how quickly that can be taken away from us."

_____________________________________________________________________________________

The Brave Widow Community is a place where you can connect with other widows, find hope and healing, and begin to dream again for the future.  Learn more at bravewidow.com.  

Hey guys, I’m Emily Jones

I was widowed at age 37, one month shy of our 20 year wedding anniversary.  Nathan and I have four beautiful children together.  My world was turned completely upside down when I lost him.  With faith, community, and wisdom from others, I’ve been able to find hope, joy, and dream again for the future.  I want to help others do the same, too!

FOLLOW me on SOCIAL:

Twitter @brave_widow

Instagram @brave_widow

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/bravewidow

YouTube@bravewidow

Commonly widows report having a completely new social circle once their spouse dies.  They may feel abandoned, misunderstood, judged, rejected, forgotten, and lost.

You will be disappointed by people who don’t show up for you the way you wish they would; alternatively you will be delighted by people who show up for you who you never thought would.

When you become a widow, your social circle can change in significant ways. 

In today's episode we talk about 5 reasons why:

We talk about:

~ Loss of shared friends

~ Changed interests and priorities

~ Emotional pain and isolation

~ Communicating your needs

Quotes:

~ "Losing a spouse is like being reborn. You're trying to figure out who you are as a person individually instead of who you are as a couple."

~"The biggest thing that you can do is help communicate your needs, tell your friends and your family what you need from them and let them know."

Things mentioned:

~ BW 024 : How to Network Like an Introvert - and Actually Enjoy it!

The Brave Widow Community is a place where you can connect with other widows, find hope and healing, and begin to dream again for the future.  Learn more at bravewidow.com.  

Hey guys, I’m Emily Jones

I was widowed at age 37, one month shy of our 20 year wedding anniversary.  Nathan and I have four beautiful children together.  My world was turned completely upside down when I lost him.  With faith, community, and wisdom from others, I’ve been able to find hope, joy, and dream again for the future.  I want to help others do the same, too!

FOLLOW me on SOCIAL:

Twitter @brave_widow

Instagram @brave_widow

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/bravewidow

YouTube@bravewidow