What if you had an owner’s manual for yourself? What would it have said before widowhood, and what would it say now?

Mel puts Anita in the hot seat and asks her to imagine her personal owner’s manual — how she operated, what she needed, what people should know about her, and what changed after her husband died.

From there, the questions keep coming. Some are thoughtful, some are ridiculous, and some reveal things you probably wouldn’t think to ask until someone actually does.

This is a lighthearted conversation about knowing yourself, changing after loss, and realizing that the instructions you used to live by may now be totally different.

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Anita and Mel go back to Episode 13, “Meat Me Where I Ham,” recorded when Mel was two years into widowhood and Anita was one year in.

Now, Mel is almost nine years into widowhood and Anita is coming up on eight. They listen to that early conversation and reflect on what has changed, what hasn’t, and how their perspectives on widowhood have evolved over the years.

They also talk about the concept of the messy middle — that stretch after the immediate aftermath when you’re expected to be moving forward, but you’re still figuring out what your life is supposed to look like now.

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The Widow Complaint Department is officially open.

In this episode, Anita and Mel read listener submissions about the things that make widowhood harder, weirder, more annoying, and occasionally downright ridiculous. From clueless comments and unsolicited advice to people who just don’t know what to say to a widow, nothing is too petty, too silly, or too absurd for the complaint department. 

Got a widow complaint? Send it in. Anita and Mel are taking submissions.

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Dr. Tina Fornwald knows firsthand how quickly life can change. As a retired US Army officer and breast cancer survivor, her husband Mark died suddenly from a massive heart attack in 2017. 

After his death, Tina had to figure out how to live again. She found support through therapy, faith, family, and connecting with other widows — eventually becoming someone other widows turned to for guidance and support.

Tina talks candidly about widowhood, finding your way after a life-changing loss, and what it means to build a life you actually want to live. She also shares what happened when love found her again and she married Fred in 2022.

Tina is also the author of The Five Widows Club, a novel about five women navigating widowhood, identity, and connection after loss.

Tiktok: @drtinagriefsupport

Check out Tina's podcast and other resources: https://widowhood-realtalkwithtina.org

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You may also enjoy Krista St. Germain's podcast: https://the-widowed-mom-podcast.captivate.fm/new

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What happens to all the stories, photos, memories, and little pieces of a person after they die?

This week, Anita and Mel talk with Alex, the founder and architect of Cumulus, an online memorial platform created to give people a place to remember and celebrate the people they've lost. They talk about what memorializing someone can look like in the digital age, why the traditional obituary doesn't always tell the whole story, and how technology might help us preserve the parts of our people we never want to forget.

Alex joins Anita and Mel to talk about the idea behind Cumulus, what inspired him to create it, and the ways an online memorial can become a living collection of memories rather than simply a marker of someone's death.

Check out Cumulus for free at:  https://www.cumulus.world/

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You may also enjoy Krista St. Germain's podcast: https://the-widowed-mom-podcast.captivate.fm/new

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Meet Deborah Westwood, a widow whose life was forever changed by the wrongful death of her husband, Larry, following medical malpractice.

Deborah shares the devastating reality of grieving a loss that never should have happened. She talks about the heartbreak of losing Larry, the anger and unanswered questions that come with preventable tragedy, and what it means to seek accountability while carrying unimaginable grief. 

Anita and Mel learn from Deb about how the legal process complicates mourning, why justice doesn't erase loss, and the "should you or shouldn't you" part of a wrongful death lawsuit for widows.

Find Deb, Larry's photography, and the document for those considering a wrongful death lawsuit "Widow 101" here: https://www.westwoodwanderlust.com

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Anita and Mel are joined by widower Aaron Simmons, who shares the story of losing his wife just six days after what was supposed to be a routine abdominoplasty, when she suffered a fatal pulmonary embolism.

Aaron describes the surreal experience of grief, saying it felt like his entire life had been turned inside out "like a sock." He talks about learning to hold gratitude alongside grief, and how that journey led to an extraordinary project: Widow, Widower, Widowest. Created from his wife's journals, artwork, and creative voice, Aaron says he wrote the book with her after she died, weaving together her words with his own experience of becoming a widower.

It's a conversation about devastating loss, enduring love, and the unexpected ways our people can continue to shape our lives after they're gone. Aaron's perspective is thoughtful, funny, and deeply moving—including his unforgettable review of grief: "Five stars. Would grieve again."

Check out Aaron's book, Widow, Widower, Widowest: A Grief Mosaic at: https://www.widowest.com

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Well, it hasn't quite been a relaxing summer, but Anita and Mel are back after life smacked both of them upside the head a few times (or knocked one of them right into the hospital). Check out this episode to get the scoop on what has happened - good, bad, and scammy! And speaking of scams, be sure to check out this episode for a quick update on current things to watch out for!

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Anita and Mel have had some crazy things happen in the last little while, so new episodes will be back up in July! 

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Eileen Bellew joins Anita and Mel to talk about the sudden death of her husband, John, on January 23, 2005 also known as "Black Sunday," one of the deadliest days in FDNY history. Her husband, FDNY firefighter John Bellew, was one of six firefighters trapped in a Bronx apartment fire. The day became known as "Black Sunday" because three FDNY firefighters died in two separate fires that day.

In the years that followed, Eileen found herself navigating not only grief but also civil and criminal court proceedings, raising four children, and trying to make sense of a tragedy that became front page news of the New York Times. She later wrote the memoir After John Jumped, chronicling the experience and everything that came after.

Eileen speaks candidly about the debilitating anxiety that followed John's death and the feeling that if she could just stay vigilant enough, maybe she could prevent another disaster. As a parent, she struggled with the fear of being caught off guard again, always scanning the horizon for the next terrible thing.

She also shares an observation that many widowed parents will recognize immediately: when her children lost their father, they lost parts of their mother, too. Grief changed her capacity, her energy, and her ability to show up in the ways she once had, adding another layer of loss for the entire family.

For more info about Eileen, her book, and the future film based on John, visit: https://eileenbellew.com/

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