Today we’re answering listener questions about love and relationships. We called up 3 people from our Buddhist community who have been chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo for a while now—Abby from Oakland, Rah'mad from Washington, D.C., and Erika from New Jersey—and asked them their honest answers to your questions. The episode covers everything from what it takes to leave a bad relationship and how to move on when you do, to how to find your life partner and know if they are the one. You can listen all the way through or use the cheat sheet below to skip to specific questions.

Cheat Sheet

1:36 Introduction to Abby

3:53 How can I get myself to leave a relationship that I know isn’t healthy?

19:32 How do I move on after a relationship ends?

24:56 Introduction to Rah'mad

28:26 How can I deal with unreciprocated love? 

37:25 Help, I keep running into my ex.

41:32 What Buddhist idea or teaching should I base my relationships on?

44:59 Introduction to Erika

47:31 How should I chant about finding a life partner, and how will I know if they are the one?

Today we are covering some of the basics of Buddhism for anyone who might be new to chanting or simply wants a refresher. We speak with Ryan Hayashi, who starting chanting in high school, when he was going through some pretty serious challenges. Now, over 10 years later, he’s an amazing high school math teacher in Arizona and also really active in the local Buddhist community there.

If you’re new, we recommend listening to this episode all the way through, but if you just want to skip around for answers to your questions, see the cheat sheet below for timestamps.

Cheat Sheet

0:16 On how to join the February Buddhability Journey
2:41 The basics of chanting Nam-myoho-renge kyo: how, when, for how long
4:24 Should I be thinking about something while chanting?
7:15 Is chanting the same as meditation?
9:01 How does chanting make you feel? What changes will I see?
11:36 How chanting impacted Ryan’s day-to-day life as a teacher
14:54 Why chant in the first place?
17:22 What is Buddhability? What are we trying to tap into by chanting?
20:33 How is SGI Nichiren Buddhism different from other forms of Buddhism?
25:50 What’s the point of having a Buddhist community?
30:39 How does my daily practice connect to changing the world?
30:04 What if I chant and don’t feel or see any changes?
16:20 Tips for those trying chanting for the first time

We are excited to announce something special today—the 28 Day Buddhability Journey—which we’re kicking off on February 1. It’s a monthlong challenge to chant Nam-myoho-renge-kyo every day for however long you'd like, and it’s open to anyone, whether you’re brand new to chanting or just want a reason to refresh your practice.
Sign up at buddhability.org/journey for all the details!

Before we start the journey together, we thought it would helpful to talk to someone who is currently on this journey herself. So we called up Shannon Griffin, 26, of Philadelphia, who started chanting in March, right at the beginning of the pandemic.

Cheat Sheet

0:22 Introducing The Buddhability Journey
1:58 The first time Shannon ever chanted
2:55 Why she decided to try chanting every day 
6:36 What the initial days felt like
11:13 How she decided what to chant about
13:56 The changes she started seeing in her daily life
17:49 A Buddhist concept that stood out to her
21:20 How Shannon came to define her own Buddhability
23:43 How she set goals for 2021
26:47 Advice for anyone who is thinking about doing the Buddhability Journey

Feeling like you fit in is hard, especially when you have many different identities. If you’ve ever felt like you put on a different mask every place you go, this episode is for you. We speak with Falcon Sang, a young artist from L.A., about how practicing Buddhism helped him find himself.

Key takeaway: If you’re willing to dig deeper, you’ll find that Buddhability is universal, and it can help you connect with anyone.

Cheat sheet:

00:30 Announcement: Send us your questions about love

1:13 Introduction to the episode

2:02 A little bit about Falcon’s childhood

6:26 Why it’s important to know who you are

7:26 How his childhood made him feel

9:58 Where he went looking for answers

18:07 Why Buddhism clicked for him

22:38 How loneliness can be turned into a source of strength

23:27 How Falcon’s anger started changing

27:28 How he found a sense of purpose

32:16 The passage that changed his life

37:32 His dream for the future

In our first conversation of 2021, we speak with designer and architect James Ludwig, VP of Global Design and Product Engineering for Steelcase Inc., the world’s leading designer of office furniture. He’s also been practicing SGI Nichiren Buddhism for a very long time.

We discussed what design and Buddhism have in common, which is a lot, and how, at the beginning of a new year and new decade, we can think about designing our lives and solving big problems.

Cheatsheet
1:52 The design he's most proud of
3:42 What he does day to day
5:46 Growing up in a farm town 
7:41 How he started practicing Buddhism
8:53 How he found a path to industrial design
10:03 What industrial design is
11:22 Uncovering problems to solve through design
13:46 Design example: reducing medical error
15:35 How pain points can become opportunities
16:27 What design and Buddhism have in common
18:01 Iterating your way toward big goals
19:09 How to work with other people better
20:29 What "human revolution" means in Buddhism
21:10 The three keys to breaking through in life and design
23:24 How to think about "the now, the near and the far" 
25:58 Designing for the future when the present is stressful
29:11 James' experience developing a team through care
35:35 Curiosity is more valuable than knowledge in approaching life
37:40 How to generate options in your life through your own transformation
38:49 Advice for anyone who feels like they haven't tapped into their full potential yet
40:48 The difference between being bold and courageous
42:22 How to set intentions or goals at the beginning of a year
43:50 Envisioning yourself as one part of an ecosystem
45:57 Advice for anyone who is ready to design their life
47:10 A final thought on creating what's never been created before

Happy New Year from the team at Buddhability! As promised, today we are answering 3 listener questions about your Buddhability, which were submitted to us by voicemail over the last couple of weeks.

Cheatsheet:
2:20 How to get over the guilt of chanting for things you want
8:12 How to help your loved ones become happy
13:25 What if I don’t chant everyday?

We’re taking a short break for the holidays but our year-end episode will feature answers to a few listener-submitted questions about anything you want to ask about your own Buddhability. All you have to do is email a voice memo to [email protected] of no more than two minutes, sharing your name, where you’re located, what your question is and any context you want to share. A few selected voice memos will be included in the podcast, so please only submit if you’re comfortable having it shared! Deadline: December 27.

As we enter into a most unusual holiday season, we’re thinking a lot about what family means and how tapping into your Buddhability can impact your loved ones. If you’ve ever felt unsure of your place in your family, or like you wish you could connect with them better, this story is worth a listen. Priya Gunaseharan shares the story of how she found her own voice by helping her grandmother find hers, entirely through a series of phone calls. Key takeaway: If you try your best to accept others the way they are, you’ll find you can finally do the same for yourself.

Cheat sheet:
00:35 Introduction to the episode
3:25 How Priya started chanting
5:17 Why she struggled to express herself within her family
9:18 How she decided to start calling her grandma
14:47 What to do when you love someone who can be also hurtful
18:03 What Priya chanted about
24:46 What her dream for her family is
28:04 What she learned about her grandmother
29:58 How Priya feels in her family now 

This week’s episode is about how to build the confidence to pursue a big dream. Seon Yeop Jung shares how he using chanting and goal-setting to rebuild the confidence he lost due to bullying. By pursuing one small goal after another, he discovered his dream of being a scientist and educator. Key takeaway: If you don’t believe in yourself right now because of whatever you may have faced in the past, it’s OK. Just start wherever you are with one small goal and you’ll discover your purpose along the way.

Cheatsheet:

0:35 Introduction to Seon

4:30 How bullying affected his childhood

8:29 What he realized when he started chanting

11:59 Why he set a goal of studying for 10 hours

13:50 How achieving minor goals can build your confidence 

16:58 How to apply chanting to specific goals

19:08 What if you get stuck?

23:16 How having supportive friends can help

24:53 What Seon’s dream is now

27:24 3 keys to never giving up

29:46 Seon’s advice to anyone pursuing a dream

30:44 Today’s key takeaway

This week, we’re talking about love. Well, specifically what it takes to be in a committed relationship for the long haul. Ian and Audrey McIlraith, who are celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary this year, tell us the story of how they overcame their own fears of being alone and of being good enough, to create a happy family. Here are their secrets: if you want to find a life partner and stay together through life’s storms, you need to be willing to confront your fears, see yourself honestly and strive for a shared goal.

0:39 Introduction to today’s topic

2:01 Introduction to Ian, Audrey and how they met

4:15 How they each starting practicing Buddhism

6:30 What their mindsets toward relationships were before they met

16:23 How they challenged fears of being alone, and being good enough

18:30 How chanting helped them overcome an accident and a long journey to have kids 

21:56 Why self-transformation and respect are so key to relationships

27:11 Their advice to anyone struggling with a relationship (or finding a partner)