The co-(g)hosts of the best podcast ever, RETAIL NIGHTMARES, are here! Alicia and Jessica join us through an intricate web of Zoom, phone, and tin cans to help make our dreams come true. Plus, we have the podcast world premiere of BONGO DANCE by Auto Syndicate (Jay Arner and Jessica Delisle!)

Listen to RETAIL NIGHTMARES.

Order Alicia’s book, SO YOU'RE A LITTLE SAD, SO WHAT? Nice Things to Say to Yourself on Bad Days and Other Essays.

Listen and support Jessica’s band, ENERGY SLIME.

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It’s Laurie and Chris.

It’s the halting whisper of The Daily. Upstate New York. IGA. Super Valu vs. Super Value vs. Supr Value. The home of ham salad. An unknown self-quarantine. The murder basement. The NYT. Otterstan. Tiger King. Happy birthday, Laurie!

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It’s Laurie and Chris, homebound.

Please forgive the audio quality. We’re using USB mics. We’re alive and mostly well for now.

Alternate titles:

GO FOCACCIA YOURSELF

LUNAR FOOTWEAR

GALLOPING LESSONS

I'M COOKING FOOD

REAL-TIME GARBANZO FINDER

CHICKPEA AVAILABILITY INDEX

RELEASE THE BUTTHOLE CUT

WHAT ABOUT PROM BLAINE?

THE HOTDOG IS A GAPER

A HOTDOG DOWN A HOTDOG'S HALLWAY

CHICKPEA PERSONAL MASSAGER

A GAME OF DODGEBALL FOR MY JUNK

BE KIND, DO GOOD, EAT ASS

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It’s a mini-episode!

It’s just Laurie and Chris, and that is a blessing to you and your life. Recorded before Christmas, this content is TIMELESS.

Topics: Billy, chicken pox, clown mouth, Hustler magazines, and dog pregnancies. All this and what our favo(u)rite Food Network stars do on Jesus’ birthday.

Sponsored by:

Warby Parker

Barkbox

Storyworth

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Farideh is back with a brand-new cookbook! And it’s the very first episode of #CakeOnes.

Buy the new cookbook from Farideh and the editors of MUNCHIES. It’s called MUNCHIES Guide to Dinner: How to Feed Yourself and Your Friends!

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It's a mini-episode with Laurie and Chris (and a sexy robot voice).

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Elazar Sontag is our guest!

Topics: No further questions. A halitosis notification service. Julia and Grace. Peppers. Flavors of Oakland. How not to be an a-hole. Serious Eats. Crust Magazine. Paper Candy Gifts. Butt Detective.

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Our PO Box:
Carbface
PO Box 595
New York NY 10185

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It’s Laurie and Chris, with a little Cliss.

Topics: JT made HI-CHEW beer and sent chocolate and fig preserves! Chris’ nightstand. Mai sent us paper food! The fish market. Going to the hospital. Dogs and bikes. Mrs. Clark, Chris’ first grade teacher. Hives. Do not blink. A socka fulla blood. A coupon. Saba Jam! A high amount of soft. Do you ever find yourself mad? Summer vegetables. Rold Gold is not Red Gold. The tomato fields of Indiana. A mailed potato. David has a pet named Walter. From behind. Keep your dog on a leash. Hank is puppo of the week. Retail Nightmares is the best podcast. Friendship. Personal Pan Rice Krispie Treats. Doughboys can’t be bought. No penetration of the Cracklin’ Oat Bran. Farley Elliott.

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Our PO Box:
Carbface
PO Box 595
New York NY 10185

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It’s Laurie and Chris (no Cliss).

Topics: Strong Mustard Content. A Rice Krispie Treat is a gift. Texts from family members. No Further Questions. None Pizza Left Beef. Jeremy Renner. Other people’s shoes. Dump and stir. Lemon Bullshit Cake recipe. Friends of the podcast. My love and your ignorance. What Was This Food Network Episode All About? Walgreens cookout.

Episode Sponsors:

BarkBox: http://getbarkbox.com/carbface

Warby Parker: http://warbyparkertrial.com/carbface

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It’s just Laurie and Chris this week. Topics: Robot voice. Writing. Cliss’ brother. Beyond Goatse. Gilbert. A finger. Cat steam. Straws. Rat piss. Lots of Likes, Miami edition. JCP. Black and white cookies. Mashups. Todd Bridges. Patty Lupone. A Full Dinty house.

We recorded remotely (using a podcasting service we will never use again), and the sound quality isn’t great. We promise future remote eps will have better sound quality.

We love you and only want the best for you.

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Our PO Box:
Carbface
PO Box 595
New York NY 10185

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.