You just survived Thanksgiving. You might now be surviving the onslaught of holiday commercials and Hallmark movies starring big-city career women who are reminded of the true meaning of Christmas after falling in love with a rugged small-town hunk in a plaid button-up.

Maybe you’re also cruising the sales, checking the Christmas lists, planning the next holiday dinner, and feeling a little overwhelmed. You might even be thinking, Hmm, this season has a certain dire straightness to it.

It’s time to talk about holiday labor and heterosexuality.

We all know that women tend to do a disproportionate amount of work at this time of year. In this episode, we break down the gendering of holiday labor, from cooking to gift-giving, and question the myths the holiday season serves.

We look at how traditions like Santa Claus erase women’s unpaid labor and romanticize women’s self-sacrifice and domestic exploitation, and how the holidays ask us all to rely on a fantasy of marriage and the nuclear family as the source of love, care, and security.

We are not total feminist Scrooges, though. We also look back on our most nostalgic childhood memories of holiday “magic,” discuss the overlooked importance of holiday labor and “kinkeeping,” and consider what it would look like to reimagine the holidays as something other than an advertisement for heterosexuality.

Speaking of unpaid labor, we need your support. This is a free episode but paid subscribers are the only reason we can do this work. And speaking of holiday gifts, have you considered giving the gift of this podcast—to yourself, to a friend, to a partner? For just $8 a month you or a loved one will get all of our episodes—no paywalls, ever. You’ll also get access to special bonus content, our subscriber chat, and more.

Show highlights…

01:26 We actually love the holidays.

03:01 But all year long, women spend twice as much time on childcare and housework as men.

04:15 In other words, s**t is already bad… and then the holidays show up.

06:50 We talk warm, fuzzy memories—family skits, baked goods, Christmas houses, all of it!

15:53 And then we reconsider what was really happening behind the scenes. It’s kinda heavy! As in, Tracy only really saw her mom’s invisible labor after she died.

26:46 Amanda loves Christmas aesthetics.

28:23 But Christmas decorating stresses Tracy out! Too much red! Not enough neutrals!

31:41 Tracy feels like she should probably learn to cook already; Amanda thinks she’s fine.

32:28 On Christmas morning, Amanda bakes cinnamon buns FROM SCRATCH.

35:36 Elf on the Shelf! A polarizing topic.

40:19 The joys—and tyranny—of family holiday cards.

45:41 Studies, as usual, show what we already know and what women have been saying: women are more engaged with Christmas shopping than men.

53:11 We’re both skeptical about how our desire for love, connection, and strong social ties is exploited by the market at this time of year. But also! Gift-giving can be an act of empathy and care.

57:16 Moms have to fill their own Christmas stockings.

59:12 Maybe the “male loneliness epidemic” has a lil’ something to do with the lack of “kin-keeping” work men do around the holidays.

1:00:32 Tracy is definitely on Santa’s naughty list this year. She calls him the biggest eraser of women’s labor. Women are the real Santa Claus!

1:01:22 It’s all perfectly reminiscent of the usual heteronormative family dynamic where the dad gets credit for the mom’s work.

1:02:37 Don't worry, we let our kids believe.

1:06:38 A fun little tale about a dad who took responsibility for wrapping presents one year—and ended up wrapping them in paper bags and painter’s tape because he forgot to get wrapping paper.

1:10:50 The myth of women having standards that are too high persists.

1:11:08 Clearly, women were born with the ability to wrap presents.

1:13:43 Christmas is the marketing arm of heterosexuality!

1:16:01 Amanda refreshes Tracy on the plot of Love Actually.

1:20:23 Amanda is having her first holiday season post-divorce.

1:24:13 We talk about the “beautiful ache” of the holidays, and how they always seem to disappoint.

1:25:45 Hot takes on holidays songs: Mariah is not decentering men, and we’ve got a few ideas about why mommy is “kissing Santa Claus.”

1:29:48 What might it look like to reinvent holiday traditions so they aren’t a sales pitch for hetero marriage and nuclear family isolation?

1:36:11 As promised, a link to donate to the Alameda County Food Bank, which is local to us. You can find your local food bank here.

Stay in touch by following us on Instagram: @tracyclarkflory, @amontei, and @direstraightspod. You can also find Tracy and the pod on TikTok. And don’t forget to rate us.

A paid subscription to our pod is a perfect holiday gift for a friend or loved one in the trenches of heterosexuality. Just hit the link below, then tap “gift.” Or grab one for yourself! Either way, it’s a gift to us—the only one we want this holiday season, really.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.direstraightspod.com/subscribe