Whether you believe all wine moms are members of ANTIFA or that they’re just apolitical white ladies with too much rosé all day, it’s irrefutable that drunk and high mommies have a long, loaded cultural and political history.

Centuries before mommy juice and Mom Water™, before the Bad Moms movies and the giant wine glass memes, moms were getting high to escape the crushing demands of marriage and motherhood. And we can’t really blame them?

In this episode, we go deep on inebriated moms, digging into both progressive and conservative characterizations of moms who get drunk and high, and we consider the wine mom’s political potential today.

What does the wine mom tell us about gender, power, and feminism? What does she tell us about individualism and collective belonging? And what has the absence of a social safety net taught these gritty moms about fighting authoritarianism?

Love them or hate them, drunk and high moms are one of the most important cultural figures for understanding the feminine paradox of agency and refusal under patriarchy. The conservatives who have come for this beloved figure should be shaking in their fascist boots.

So get cozy, grab your glass of wine—or your sparkling water if you are, like Amanda, a recovering wine mom. We are traveling through time to give you the definitive feminist history on the wine mom.

This is a totally free episode. Isn’t that nice? That said, we are a 100% reader supported podcast. We do this show because we think it’s urgent and important. But we have bills to pay. If you want access to extra episodes every month, including bonus episodes on the latest culture and politics, AND if you want to know that you are keeping us afloat, upgrade to a paid subscription.

Show highlights…

2:40 Amanda was born for this episode.

5:30 When we talk about wine moms, we have to talk about patriarchal trauma. But in this episode, we do it in a fun way?

6:00 No moms were moralized in this episode.

8:30 Wine moms are key to understanding women’s agency under patriarchy.

9:30 To understand the wine mom herself, we have to go all the way back to the beginning, to the wandering womb.

11:00 Maenads drank and danced in the forest, which we’re into—to a point.

14:00 Queen Victoria was high all the time on all the drugs, and it seems not unrelated that she had nine kids.

15:00 Laudanum for depressed women, women who see ghosts, basically all the women.

17:15 Then the Victorians (and Freud) just gave everyone cocaine.

19:15 Men coercing women into drugging themselves, in another era of reasonable heteropessimism.

26:20 Working women drank; housewives took pills.

34:20 The OG wine mom was remarkably chill about her husband’s absence.

40:11 Tracy talks about her pre-pandemic writing on the wine mom.

42:02 Amanda talks about her pandemic writing on the wine mom.

46:22 We revisit the SNL wine moms skit.

49:55 Wine moms as a symbol of shared suffering and resistance—and a way for women to feel recognition and belonging through complaint.

53:20 No one asked for Mom Water.

56:55 The intersection between wine moms and the girl boss.

59:11 After the childcare crisis of the pandemic, the center of the wine mom could not hold.

1:00:00 We respond to the conservative demonization of so-called gangs of wine moms, and talk about what makes moms—whether they drink or not—so gritty today.

1:06:00 The paradox of the wine mom is the paradox of women’s agency under patriarchy.

Are you loving Dire Straights? Us too! Please share this episode in your group chat, on your socials, IRL, or on your next bad date. It goes a long way toward connecting us with listeners who need the work we’re doing—and in supporting this scrappy, independent feminist podcast.

We want to hear from you! Send us your pleas for advice and your stories at [email protected], or leave us a voice memo here. Please also tell us all your thoughts on the wine mom in the comments!

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.direstraightspod.com/subscribe

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.direstraightspod.com

Thanks to everyone who tuned into our Substack Live.

We started with a debrief of last night’s State of the Union. If you didn’t watch: Congrats. Let us recap for you.

Just a few topics we touched on:

* Trump as Daddy Protector of Patriarchy (also: a leering creep)

* That bombshell NPR report on the DOJ withholding files re: allegations of Trump abusing a minor

* Why the U.S. men’s hockey team (and the entire Trump admin) needs a training in bystander intervention

* Kash Patel: frat-boy idiot

* Trump and Melania’s shitty marriage as a perfect reflection of the misogyny and control behind “family values”

* Everything the America’s Next Top Model documentary got wrong about consent and reporting on an alleged sexual assault

* Kid Rock and RFK Jr. chugging milk, doing pushups in a sauna, and wearing jeans in a cold plunge tub

* The anti-heterosexuality of the Olympics

* Scott Galloway being disgusted by the birth of his own child

* Love Is Blind fat-shaming and straight men’s “just being honest” rhetoric

This recording is a special extra for paid subscribers, who make this podcast possible. Free subscribers will find a preview above, but you’ll have to upgrade to watch the whole thing. We’re also officially offering these Lives on all podcasting platforms if you prefer just the audio.

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.direstraightspod.com

The adult industry has turned into a popular scapegoat for nearly every problem in hetero life and culture right now. Pornography is blamed for everything from the “male loneliness epidemic” to women’s heteropessimism.

Some of these arguments are coming from feminist-minded folks who are reckoning with the cultural influence of pornography. But there’s also a decidedly anti-feminist contingent that is focused on the idea of porn as a tool of men’s oppression.

These attitudes are even circulating within the manosphere and among right-wing pundits. Figures like Andrew Tate, Jordan Peterson, Tucker Carlson, and Theo Von have all joined the anti-porn chorus. Meanwhile, conservatives are attempting to ban porn while bowing at the feet of a president who paid hush-money to porn performer Stormy Daniels.

There are certainly valid critiques to be made of porn as an industry. In this episode, we separate the legitimate from the illegitimate, the feminist from the anti-feminist, and we highlight where critiques of porn are overly simplistic, shame-based, anti-sex work, or just doing patriarchy’s dirty work.

We also get into our personal histories with porn—from how Amanda felt as a teen and in her twenties watching boys and men get sucked into tube sites, to Tracy’s experience as a teenager using porn as a guidebook to hot sex. Tracy also shares some behind-the scenes secrets from her years reporting on the industry as a journalist—including how they make fake cum shots.

And you’ll hear our uncensored thoughts about recent anti-porn arguments made by fellow feminists.

This is a paid episode. All subscribers can access a free preview, but if you want to hear the best and juiciest stuff, upgrade to a paid subscription. You’ll get everything that’s behind this paywall, and ever other paywalled episode, including those on Epstein, marital sex, monogamy, divorce, and the dire state of dating today. You’ll also get access to guest conversations, subscriber chats, and more.

Show highlights…

02:58 Porn is a scapegoat for hetero problems right now…

03:43 … from jackhammering to low-effort men to women’s heteropessimism.

06:50 We will refrain from relitigating the feminist sex wars. For now.

08:11 Amanda reluctantly asks Tracy to explain “gooning.”

15:20 Tracy talks about reporting as a journalist on a porn set and having an eye-opening conversation with a performer that she had come of age watching.

17:33 We don’t just learn “sexual scripts” from porn. One of us learned as much about sex and gender roles from “The Real World: Seattle” as YouJ*zz.com.

23:32 The right-wing crackdown on porn—from age-verification laws to fantasies of an all-out ban.

33:49 Tucker Carlson has some big feelings about cuckold porn.

35:44 Andrew Tate says that porn—as opposed to, say, accused sex traffickers like himself—are ruining society.

37:07 Let’s not forget Jordan Peterson calling porn “deadening” and “parasitical.”

37:52 Amanda ties in Scott Galloway to all of this nonsense.

40:10 We dig into current anti-porn arguments among feminists. (And “feminists.”)

41:39 Tracy reminds us that the “pro-porn” feminists were often critical of porn! They had a lot of questions and no easy answers.

42:55 Amanda reminds us that Andrea Dworkin’s arguments are often oversimplified.

47:40 These debates usually boil down to a simplistic “good” or “bad.” We can probably thank the gender binary for that.

50:34 One day we’ll have to do an episode on Substack feminism.

52:25 Amanda talks about her “anti-porn” phase.

58:02 Tracy talks about her youth watching early internet porn and trying to figure out how to get good at sex.

01:01:14 She found great role models in porn, actually.

01:04:40 Tracy talks about the behind-the-scenes of porn sets—and you will never think of Cetaphil the same way again.

01:11:29 Let’s critique porn, sure, but let’s not lose sight of how anti-porn arguments are being used in conservative, right-wing, and reactionary feminist attacks that are transphobic, homophobic, racist, misogynistic, and whorephobic.

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.direstraightspod.com

Thanks to everyone who tuned into our Substack Live.

Today’s bonus episode was a cultural and political grab bag. Just a few topics we touched on:

* Tracy blaming dire straightness for her skateboarding-related concussion

* Chris Harrison’s new trad marriage dating show

* Epstein’s hand in the #MeToo backlash

* The files telling us what we already know re: the conspiracy of patriarchy

* Sexual violence isn’t just a problem of the global elite

* Clavicular: the manospherean looksmaxxer who took a hammer to his jaw

* The politics of the gaze and the normalization of the hetero pose

* Wuthering Heights lingerie

* Does Jacob Elordi have BDE… or “The Dick Doesn’t Even Matter” Energy?

This recording is a special extra for paid subscribers, who make this podcast possible. Free subscribers will find a preview above, but you’ll have to upgrade to watch the whole thing. We’re also officially offering these Lives on all podcasting platforms if you prefer just the audio.

Perhaps you’ve heard, men will do literally anything to avoid going to therapy. They will eat raw liver, obsess about the Roman Empire, run American democracy into the ground, start their own paramilitary organization, design AI housebots, invent social media, start podcasts with their bros, open carry— anything other than Zoom for an hour with a mental health professional.

Meanwhile, men are—according to men—lonely, depressed, disempowered, and confused about what to do with themselves. Masculinity influencers and therapy-averse brocasters often insist that the key to men’s happiness is not therapy, but rather, wives, more economic power, and better definitions about what it takes to be a man.

We, however, are skeptical. So, we’re digging into why so many men are resistant to therapy, and why so many women are insistent that men go anyway. What does the “men and therapy” conversation tell us about heterosexual relationships? Is therapy really what men need? Or do they, actually, just need to listen to this podcast?

This is a free episode—but we believe it’s worth just as much as an hourly session with your therapist. If you love independent media that refuses to play to “both sides,” and will never, ever, host a town hall on whether feminism has failed women, upgrade to a paid subscription.

You’ll get an additional, extra juicy episode every month, full access to past paywalled episodes on topics like couples therapy and conservative “sex positivity”, along with access to live conversations with us and cool guests, and all community features on our Substack page.

If monetary support really isn’t in the cards for you, please share this podcast on your social pages, in your group chats, and IRL—and leave us a 5-star review on your favorite podcasting platform. These little gestures really help us know you like what we do, and they spread the word.

Show highlights…

2:10 This episode is free but please upgrade your subscription if you want independent media to survive these fascist goons—and if $80 for a WHOLE YEAR of urgent feminist analysis and community is really not in the cards for you, please like and rate us on your podcasting platform.

2:51 The memes confirm it, men will do anything other than go to therapy.

7:18 Tracy defends LARPing, because it could be worse.

8:20 Men who start podcasts are the worst offenders here. To be clear, we have done more than enough therapy to host this podcast.

9:40 The guys who started the internet and all wars also need therapy.

10:10 Tracy finds hope at her local meditation class.

11:15 We’ve destigmatized therapy, but therapy bro summer has not yet become a thing.

12:00 We know why men don’t go to therapy, but don’t they, also?

15:15 It seems some men don’t realize that talking about feelings is fun?

16:26 Manchiiiiild.

17:26 Amanda tries to convince Tracy that The Bear is good and gets nowhere.

18:25 We agree that Carmy needs therapy—and that therapy was good for Bruce Springsteen.

19:47 Tracy spent her childhood psychoanalyzing Leonardo DiCaprio, like girls do.

22:20 Girl culture is not just emotional, but highly textual!!

23:50 Men will literally declare a male loneliness epidemic to avoid going to therapy.

28:24 Why do women care so much if men go to therapy? Maybe because this political moment is brought to you by men who won’t go to therapy?

34:22 Amanda goes on a little rant about the sexual division of labor.

36:54 The premise that anti-empathy folks rely on to make their dumb argument against caring about other people.

38:10 The point is always power.

40:20 Why do men see women who want their partners to go to therapy as nags hmmmmmm.

43:58 The individualism of therapy.

45:30 Amanda goes on a little Scott Galloway rant—and makes a radical argument about what men need even more than therapy.

51:00 Emotional curiosity for the win!

55:20 Tracy thinks most white guys actually need a therapy domme.

59:07 Women telling their partners they long for men to make a political commitment is scarier than…

1:04:00 …women mothering men.

1:05:10 Amanda makes Tracy play the “does this guy need therapy or a feminist book?” game.

1:12:50 Tracy makes an offer: if you upgrade to paid we might do an episode on JD Vance.

Please share your favorite episodes of Dire Straights in your group chats and on whatever social media platform you can still stand. This one is free for all and… relatable.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.direstraightspod.com/subscribe

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.direstraightspod.com

Thanks to everyone who tuned into our Substack Live.

We got into the hetero-politics of the Department of Homeland Security. Given that our podcast is all about deconstructing heteronormative culture and politics, and imagining new ways forward, we felt like it was pretty urgent times to do a bonus episode on the state-sponsored, hypermasculine violence we’re seeing across the country right now.

Just a few topics we touched on:

* the origins of ICE in this country’s long history of rationalizing white supremacy and male violence as a way to “protect” white women’s sexuality and “the family”

* the link between Nazi motherhood medals and The Heritage Foundation’s new report

* Alex Pretti as a foil to ICE masculinity

* Renee Good as a reflection of the hetero-politics of ICE

* the sentimental nuclear family as the marketing arm of authoritarianism

* DHS targeting young men who want to team up with their “boys” to fight the “bad guys”

* Greg Bovino’s stupid f*****g Nazi coat

* Naomi Wolf being Naomi Wolf

* Why Minnesotans are winning (we should all be taking notes)

This recording is a special extra for paid subscribers, who make this podcast possible. Free subscribers will find a preview above, but you’ll have to upgrade to watch the whole thing. We’re also officially offering these Lives on all podcasting platforms if you prefer just the audio.

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.direstraightspod.com

Monogamy is essential to the culture of heterosexuality.

From its historical roots as a marital expectation for wives, but not husbands, to its current role in maintaining a society that runs on women’s unpaid labor, it’s clear that monogamy is a feminist problem. In this episode, we look at how monogamy fuels toxic romance myths about soul mates, isolates love and care within the nuclear family, and shrinks our social and political lives.

But the task of solving these problems is obviously much bigger than just opting into polyamory, so we’re also talking about what it might look like to be “anti-monogamy” in ways that actually have nothing to do with who, or how many people, you’re f*****g.

This is a paywalled episode, which means free listeners will have to upgrade to hear us get very candid about our own experiences with monogamy—from the myths that we grew up with, to experiences with infidelity, to our current feelings about sexual exclusivity, as a married woman and a newly single woman. We’ve got some big, complex, and sometimes contradictory feelings on this topic.

You can upgrade now on our Substack at direstraightspod.com. You’ll also get immediate access to all of our previous episodes, without any paywalls, as well as special bonus content and subscriber chats.

Paid subscribers, thanks so much for making this podcast possible.

Show highlights…

02:11 What is monogamy? Not as dumb of a question as it sounds!

04:24 Expectations of monogamy showed up in Ancient Rome. But only for wives.

05:46 It wasn’t until the 19th century that men were ALSO expected to be monogamous—after thousands of years of men being given the go ahead to f**k around while women were shamed and tortured for doing the same.

06:34 Monogamy became a working class aspiration, and a way for some to distance themselves from queer people and sex workers.

10:56 Compulsory monogamy! Let’s discuss.

12:24 Wildly racist and colonialist 20th century sexology tried to argue that monogamy as proof of European superiority.

13:49 Questionable theories abound about monogamy as “natural”!

14:57 Never trust a headline about “monogamous prairie voles.”

17:30 OK, but to play devil’s advocate: What’s so bad about monogamy? We have a LOT of answers.

21:07 One of the worst things, though: it privatizes love and care.

23:47 Monogamy culture is why men and women can’t be friends!

24:39 Are you “allowed” to be attracted to other people in a marriage?

25:35 We get personal and talk about the monogamy narratives that we grew up with as kids.

30:22 After her mom died, Tracy learned that her parents were not as monogamous as she had thought, and it kinda made her question everything.

32:52 Amanda used to call herself a serial monogamist because “I was always having boyfriends for a long time and then… replacing them.”

35:18 We both talk about brushes with infidelity. 👀

40:08 “Once a cheater, always a cheater”?

41:56 Tracy has been questioning monogamy for a very long time.

42:54 The existential threat of non-monogamy.

44:13 Tracy talks about admitting to fantasies about other people within a monogamous marriage.

49:56 OK but there ARE some good things about monogamy.

52:02 Amanda tells us how her attitude toward monogamy has changed post-divorce.

55:05 When non-monogamy is an attempt to prevent divorce.

01:00:47 How do you push back against jealousy while along allowing yourself to be human?

01:02:23 Non-monogamy is not necessarily politically radical—and it can reproduce some of the same troubling dynamics of monogamy.

01:07:14 Kim Tallbear has lots of smart things to say about decolonizing “settler sexuality.”

01:08:27 Maybe the question isn’t “monogamy or non-monogamy” but rather: How do I de-center the couple and create webs of caring connection?

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.direstraightspod.com

Welcome to Dire Straights Live, one of our bonus podcast episodes recorded on Substack in front of a virtual audience. If you're listening on a podcasting platform, make sure to join us at direstraightspod.com for the full experience—and upgrade to paid so you can listen to the whole episode.

We dig into HBO’s Heated Rivalry, the spicy gay hockey drama that everyone is talking about. Given that our podcast is all about critiquing hetero love, sex, politics, and culture, we obviously had to do a bonus episode on this viral phenomenon. Why do women like it? And might it have something to do with the current hetero-pessimistic moment?

Just a few topics discussed:

* butts

* cocks

* hockey goalie warm-ups in which they very much look like they are f*****g the ice (also: f**k ICE)

* the show’s foley artists simulating b******s

* straight women co-opting gay culture

* the show’s lesbian viewership

* straight women watching gay porn

* the novelty of depicting mutual pleasure and sex as story

This recording is a special extra for paid subscribers, who make this podcast possible. Free subscribers will get a preview, but you’ll have to upgrade to listen to the whole thing.

We’re back from the flurry of the holidays and new year, and we’re digging into dating. Last month, we hosted our first-ever live recording of this podcast, and let’s just say we heard loud and clear that dating today… sucks.

People are burnt out on the apps, the gender divide is stark, and straight women’s attitudes toward partnership and marriage are shifting. Meanwhile, men are failing to put in the effort to meet the moment, leading many straight women to question whether dating men today is even worth it.

We know the dating scene is bleak. But in this episode we discuss what exactly is making dating so miserable today. How much of this is age-old stuff, the kind that won’t resolve itself until we confront the more systemic causes of gender inequality, and the effect that inequality is bound to have on hetero relationships? And how much of what we’re seeing today is caused by the digital world in which we all live, from the apps to social media to the increasing romanticization and sexualization of AI?

This is a free episode—and it’s kind of a PSA on how to survive dating today. But we need your support. Feminist media is under attack. If you want to see us stick around, upgrade to a paid subscription. You’ll get an additional, extra juicy episode every month, along with access to live conversations with us and cool guests, and all sorts of community features, including any of our future matchmaking endeavors (more on that in the ep).

If monetary support really isn’t in the cards for you, you can also share this podcast on your social pages, in your group chats, and IRL—and leave us a 5-star review on your favorite podcasting platform. It really helps.

Thanks to our paid subscribers for making this podcast possible.

Show highlights…

2:50 The decline of romantic comedies is good, actually.

4:30 Because not all romance plots are created equal—nor are they predicated on equality!

5:50 Nobody Wants This—as in, nobody wants Dax Shepard.

9:16 Reddit users debate the death of dating.

14:50 Marital misery filters down to dating culture in the critique of women’s “high standards.”

18:48 Or is therapyspeak ruining dating?

24:39 In her dating era, not many dates were had, but Tracy chased men she wanted to be.

26:42 Amanda wanted to be wanted, not really be those guys.

28:10 The contradiction of wanting what men have and wanting the love story in which men protect women.

30:32 Tracy’s first real date.

33:34 Dating in marriage is definitely dead.

40:12 But there’s a reason why date nights matter so much to married women.

43:19 Low effort men boooo.

45:15 Are women fleeing relationships with men or trying to optimize dating?

47:12 The timeless moral panic over chivalry/benevolent sexism dying.

49:41 Everyone is burnt out on the apps, but are we really divesting from them?

54:20 And does just being on the apps shut down hot chance encounters with strangers?

56:30 Amanda discusses her own feelings about dating…

59:55 For all the married women who want to live variously through the single lady.

1:00:55 A public call for lover applications.

1:04:00 Strategies for dating with less misery, from dating without the goal of marriage to women filming themselves on dates, then posting it on social media.

1:09:50 Tracy is not a fan of cuddle parties and being touched by random strangers.

1:13:00 Should we get into matchmaking?

Stay in touch between episodes by following us on Instagram: @tracyclarkflory, @amontei, and @direstraightspod. You can also find Tracy and the pod on TikTok. And don’t forget to rate us.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.direstraightspod.com/subscribe

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.direstraightspod.com

In this episode, we ask an age-old question that somehow also feels very of the moment: Can married and unmarried women be friends?

More specifically, can married and divorced women be friends? What about married women and women who have no interest in marriage at all, like those who see marriage as a hetero-patriarchal institution that we might all do well to opt out of? What about single women who are opting out of dating, and those who are actively seeking a husband?

We’ve noticed a certain tension between women bubbling under the surface of many conversations about the state of feminism, the shifting sands of marriage and divorce, and the dating scene today. Many are asking if it’s embarrassing to have a boyfriend, or a husband, and even if it’s worth dating men at all.

In this episode, we dig into how changing attitudes toward heterosexuality are affecting relationships between women themselves. What goes unspoken between straight women, and how do these silences keep us trapped and resenting each other, rather than fighting the institutions that don’t have our best interest at heart? How do our individual choices reflect our politics, and how much pressure do we put on ourselves, and each other, to solve big political and cultural problems, in the absence of a strong feminist movement?

This is a paywalled episode, which means it’s the episode we put out every month that gets personal. In this one, we go deep on our own friendship, including what it’s like for a happily married woman and happily divorcing woman to build a business together, and we get real about the conflicts we have faced with other women, as both a married person and a woman removing herself from marriage.

Upgrade your subscription now to listen to the whole episode, and every episode thereafter. You’ll get access to special bonus content, our subscriber chat, and more. A subscription to this podcast also makes a great gift for the friends you’re trying to connect with more deeply.

Show highlights…

0:32 We’ve noticed certain tensions in the air…

2:45 Straight women are questioning whether men and marriage are the goal, connecting the dots between politics and personal lives, even opting out of dating.

4:39 Amanda would really like to know what the husbands are doing.

5:00 But some married women are, apparently, still finding value and happiness in marriage, and so, have feelings.

5:30 Other married women are just trying to hold it together—and stay in unhappy marriages because culturally, we make it so hard to leave!

6:30 Meanwhile men are trying to make women feel like they are always asking for too much.

9:00 Rejecting marriage, however, can be about thinking bigger about love, not smaller.

13:00 Is Tracy embarrassed to be married? Can Taylor Swift make marriage liberal?

16:00 We unpack why nuclear family = bad.

19:25 And why trad life isn’t connection and care but rather antisocial.

20:25 Regular reminder: love and partnership don’t actually require a marriage contract.

25:30 What should women do when they realize marriage is bad news for women, but they still love their husbands?

27:50 Tracy admits, well, “you don’t really get to remake the institution.”