Dire Straights

It’s almost Halloween, which means it’s time to talk about monster dick.

Put more eloquently: We’re looking at the phenomenon of straight women desiring literal monsters instead of human men who are, often enough, pretty monstrous. We’ll be covering everything from tentacled dildos to Big Foot erotica.

We also have to talk about Wicker, the buzzy upcoming film starring Olivia Colman and Alexander Skarsgård (a.k.a. the “sexy basket man movie”), because this isn’t just a monster phenomenon, and it isn’t exactly new. Women have long found excitement and comfort in the fantasy of men who are… not really men.

In this episode, we discuss:

* The particulars of classic monster dick (just how fully reanimated is a zombie?)

* Orcs and lizardmen and minotaurs, oh my

* Sasquatch erotica (and why Big Foot is a “surprisingly gentle” lover)

* The connection between fear and arousal

* Are monsters better than monstrous men?

* The “sexy basket man movie” and the pleasures of non-human but deeply humane “men”

* Plus: Tracy makes Amanda look at some monster dildos

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One of the popular sentiments that has been going around in response to the Cornell 7 case is, essentially: “Stop teaching girls how to protect themselves. Teach boys not to rape.” Now, in this episode, we want to take a serious look at this suggestion—because we agree. The onus is put on girls to “stay safe out there.” Not nearly enough is done to teach boys to be safe to be around.

So, how can you talk with boys about consent, sexual assault, and rape? How can you raise a boy who will not sit by quietly in the group chat—saying nothing, doing nothing—as his friends text each other about “free pussy”? And where, exactly, are the straight dads in this conversation—and have they reckoned with the link between rape culture and the everyday inequities of hetero marriage?

In this episode we talk about:

* What it means to put feminist thinking into action at home as so-called “boy moms”

* A recent interaction that led one of our kids to announce: “This makes me not want to tell you anything”

* The pressure put on mothers to fix patriarchy

* Teaching boys that it’s better to be an outsider than to find belonging in cruelty

* Whether fraternities should exist at all???

* Why fathers need to be having these conversations with their sons, not just moms

* How the bar for dads is underground

* “Healthy masculinity” versus healthy humanity

* How the prosaic discontents that we see in hetero relationships—and which we talk about all the time on this podcast—are all part of the indoctrination of boys into rape culture.

This episode is an exclusive for paid subscribers, who make this podcast possible. Upgrade now at direstraightspod.com to listen to the full episode and you’ll also get access to all past paywalled episodes, including conversations on dating apps, couples therapy, the feminist blame game, the antifeminist conspiracy to make women need men, our wildly popular episode on marital sexual labor, and many more—as well as every episode to come this season.

By upgrading today, you’ll be keeping independent feminist media alive in a time of feminist backlash and total media collapse.

Today we're talking about the emerging feminist response to the Cornell rape case online, from urging moms to do better at raising boys to banning frats to getting glocks.

Women are exhausted, angry, and heartbroken by this latest example of men’s institutionalized violence against women—not to mention the total lack of accountability the case highlights. In this episode, we get into what happens to our bodies during these cycles of outrage, what this case brings up for us as elder millennials who have seen cases like this before, what this moment tells us about heterosexuality feminism, and how pop culture is fueling another Me Too movement.

We also highlight the misinformation that has been circulating in the media about the Cornell case, and talk about what these inaccuracies reveal about the persistence of rape culture today—years after we apparently cancelled that very term.

This episode is free because we really want you to share this space with us to rage, cry, and make sense of the current moment. But this work is really painful, tiring, and hard. Please support us by upgrading to paid subscription. We need your support in this era of feminist backlash.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.direstraightspod.com/subscribe

What is AI doing to straight people?

Capitalism has found yet another way to profit off patriarchal dissatisfaction. Tech companies have been working overtime to sell us new uses for AI, the tech no one asked for, and now they’re coming for hetero relationships, claiming AI has the answer to domestic inequality, men’s weaponized incompetence, a fraught dating scene, and more.

In this episode, we talk about the viral AI boyfriend assistant commercial, how LLMs are attempting to absorb, exploit, and silence female complaint, and why talking to your friends about red flags will always better than asking a stupid machine for advice.

We also discuss:

* Why conflict in relationships is good, actually

* Whether an AI assistant is your mom, bestie, or the third in the throuple

* How ChatGPT can manifest as two bad therapists that drive couples apart

* The digital assault on feminine intuition

* Why capitalism loves an inequality that can be exploited for profit

This episode is free, but paid subscribers are the only reason this podcast exists. Seriously. Upgrade now to support us and you’ll also get access to all past paywalled episodes, including conversations on dating apps, couples therapy, the feminist blame game, the antifeminist conspiracy to make women need men, our wildly popular episode on marital sexual labor, and many more—as well as every episode to come this season.

By upgrading today, you’ll also be keeping independent feminist media alive in a time of feminist backlash and total media collapse. Kind of a big deal.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.direstraightspod.com/subscribe

Welcome to part two of our look at the dire state of dating apps.

In the last episode, Amanda reported back on her own experiences this summer exploring online dating for the first time since her divorce. Now, we’re considering common red flags—from gym selfies to men who advertise their height to dudes looking for “women who take care of themselves.”

We also debate popular strategies for navigating the apps as a woman, whether you’re interested solely in sex or you’re seeking a long-term relationship.

Just a few topics we touch on:

* Tracy’s existential crisis over dick pics

* “Apolitical” and “moderate” men

* Men who hide behind “love languages”

* The widening gender divide

* The “Burned Haystack” method

* Female Dating Strategy

* Whisper networks

* Quitting the apps

* Decentering men

* Ways to meet people IRL

This episode is free, but our paid subscribers make this podcast possible. Upgrade now at direstraightspod.com so you can get all of our episodes without any paywalls.

You’ll also help support independent feminist media in a time of… total media collapse.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.direstraightspod.com/subscribe

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.direstraightspod.com

Welcome to part one of our look at the dire state of dating apps.

In this very special episode, Amanda reports back on her own experiences this summer exploring online dating for the first time since she became single—and ever in her life.

We get into what it’s actually like to be a woman on the apps in this cultural climate, what it’s like to date after 40, and how politics, gender, and technology complicate modern dating.

This episode is an exclusive for paid subscribers, who make this podcast possible. Upgrade now at direstraightspod.com to listen to the full episode and you’ll also get access to all past paywalled episodes, including conversations on couples therapy, the feminist blame game, the antifeminist conspiracy to make women need men, our wildly popular episode on marital sexual labor, and many more—as well as every episode to come this season.

By upgrading today, you’ll be keeping independent feminist media alive in a time of feminist backlash and total media collapse.

Want to support us more significantly or talk to us about featuring your feminist podcast, product, or service? Email us at [email protected].

In this episode we discuss:

* The different vibes on various dating apps and the awful similarities

* What straight men’s bios tell us about what to expect from them in relationships

* The emotional toll of online dating

* Sexual openness vs. misogyny in hookup culture: a memoir

* “Not political” and “moderate” dudes

* More rants about women’s “heteropessimism”

* What does leaning into love (or just looking for a lover) look like today for straight women?

* The risks women face while dating that men… do not

* Dating in your 40s after divorce vs. dating in your 20s

* Dating as a feminist

Today we’re digging into an age-old question along the lines of has feminism ruined the workplace? and has feminism pushed men into the manosphere? and did feminism get Trump elected?

We gathered a roundtable of people who are pro-marriage and anti-divorce who don’t believe women should have any rights. We’re calling this conversation, Did feminism ruin the family?

JK. More seriously, this episode asks whether feminists and progressives today are “anti-family.” We talk about the trap of that framing, and why being against the nuclear family is good, actually. We look at the origins of the nuclear family, and talk about how people today are panicking about the state of the family, while failing to propose any meaningful solutions for those who are most harmed by the nuclear unit—that is, women and children.

Looking at the political potential baked into more expansive notions of kinship, we also discuss alternative ways of viewing community, love, and connection, suggesting that, given all we know today about the dangers of the nuclear family, feminists who really care about care ought to think bigger.

This episode is totally free because we really want you to have it. If you find this episode helps you rethink family or feminism, please rate us on your podcast apps, share the episode with everyone you know and on your socials, and better yet, upgrade your subscription to support the next season of Dire Straights.

We have been delivering timely, deeply researched, hour(s)-long episodes to your inbox twice a month for a whole year. Can you believe it? We produce, edit, and write this show all by ourselves. It’s been so fun, and enlightening, and we’ve been totally blown away by the support and buzz.

We will be developing our next season this summer, and have some really exciting ideas in store. We won’t be releasing new episodes for a few weeks while we get season 2 ready, but just know that behind the scenes we are working hard to cook up some really good stuff for you. We’ll be back in August with some brand-new episodes.

In the meantime, let us know what you most want to see us cover in season 2 either in the comments or by emailing [email protected].

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.direstraightspod.com/subscribe

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.direstraightspod.com

Thanks to everyone who tuned into our Substack Live.

This week, Tracy was joined by a special guest: Myisha Battle, a feminist sex and dating coach, and author of the newly released book Sexual Pleasure for Dummies. It’s an inclusive, empathetic, and nuanced look at the role pleasure plays in our lives—and all the things that get in the way of it.

You might remember Myisha from the Dire Straights IRL event that we did last year around the biggest complaints in hetero life right now. This time, we’re focusing on pleasure.

Just a few topics we touched on:

--stress and caregiving getting in the way of pleasure

--why chore wheels show up in her coaching practice

--men who prefer that their partners fake orgasms

--avoiding the trap of pleasure becoming yet another form of work that women disproportionately do in hetero relationships

--how porn has changed over the past decade, including the new intimate horizons of OnlyFans

--what people are really looking for when they talk about “spontaneous” sex

--the lie of being “vanilla”

--kinky tradwives, milkmaid fantasies, and MAHA husbands drinking breastmilk

--men refusing to wear condoms

--people still not knowing about the clitoris!

--women’s sexual awakenings blowing up marriages

--using ChatGPT to decode a partner’s intentions, instead of just… asking them

This recording is a special extra for paid subscribers, who make this podcast possible. Free subscribers will find a preview above, but you’ll have to upgrade to watch the whole thing. We’re also officially offering these Lives on all podcasting platforms if you prefer just the audio.

Tracy’s newest book, My Mother’s Daughter: Finding Myself in My Family’s Fractured Past, is out May 5th! It’s a memoir about how a DNA test connected Tracy with her sister Kathy, who her mom placed for adoption at a home for unwed mothers in the sixties. She set out to understand their mom’s past and stumbled on a bigger story about shame, family secrets, race, and the control of women’s bodies.

In this episode, we have a behind-the-scenes chat about her memoir, including the story of how Tracy decided to take that DNA test. We also get into the book’s critique of heterosexuality, the disturbing history of homes for unwed mothers, patriarchal trauma, the importance of untangling all that we inherit from our mothers, “spiritually flailing” in the writing process, and how Tracy’s feeling publishing such an honest feminist book in an era of backlash and hyper-masculine authoritarianism.

My Mother’s Daughter, BTW, has received starred reviews from both Booklist and Kirkus, which called it, “deeply researched and lyrically written,” “trenchant and moving,” and “a powerful rejection of white-male dominated systems of oppression.” The book has been described as “tender, revelatory, and deeply moving,” by one Amanda Montei. It’s also gotten glowing blurbs from Rebecca Traister, Irin Carmon, Peggy Orenstein, Koa Beck, Chelsea Bieker, Soraya Chemaly, Savala Nolan, and lyz Lenz.

My Mother’s Daughter is officially out Tuesday May 5, but preorders mean everything to a book’s success. So please go grab a copy now! While you’re at it, get one for your mom, your sister, maybe even a man in your life, because men should also read brilliant feminist memoirs written by women.

And make sure to join Tracy at one of her upcoming IRL events:

May 5: Launch day at Mrs. Dalloway’s in Berkeley, California with Alexis Madrigal. Reserve a spot here.

May 7: Books Are Magic in Brooklyn, New York with Irin Carmon. Register here.

May 14: Green Apple Books in San Francisco, California with Savala Nolan. Register here.

May 15: Skylight Books in Los Angeles, California with Koa Beck. Register here.

Please rate us on your podcast apps and to share the episode with everyone you know, and on your socials. Especially this one. Help us make Tracy’s book a smash.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.direstraightspod.com/subscribe

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.direstraightspod.com

It’s not just the manosphere, MAGA, TERFs, or reactionary feminists who are hating on “2010s feminism” right now. Increasingly, liberals and centrists are getting in on the action.

This growing feminist backlash claims that feminism has gone too far. That women have been made unhappy by progressive propaganda. That they’re being strong-armed into polyamory, casual sex, education, careerism, single-motherhood, and childlessness.

Meanwhile, as we discussed in a past episode, the Heritage Foundation is trying to use laws and public policy to strong-arm women into marriage, motherhood, and dependence on men. But never mind all that! The real threat, some say, is that feminists wrote some snarky blog posts in the 2010s.

Don’t worry, this episode does not rehash the Adult Braces discourse, but we do discuss how the Lindy West pile-on is part of a broader feminist backlash that has been brewing for many years—one that folks across the political spectrum are branding as a reasonable and empowering middle-ground for women.

The discourse is truly a mess out there, folks, but in this episode, we help you see the feminist forest for the trees. And while we’ve previously avoided confronting some of the more troubling arguments we’ve seen among liberal feminists—including, notably, on Substack—well, we’re over that. Behind the paywall, you’ll get our most candid thoughts on everything people are saying about feminism today.

This is a paid episode. Free subscribers get a generous preview, but if you want the full, uncensored conversation, you will have to upgrade to knock down the paywall. Paid subscribers make this podcast possible. If you care about the state of feminism, invest in our feminist podcast.