This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.direstraightspod.com

It’s not just the manosphere, MAGA, TERFs, or reactionary feminists who are hating on “2010s feminism” right now. Increasingly, liberals and centrists are getting in on the action.

This growing feminist backlash claims that feminism has gone too far. That women have been made unhappy by progressive propaganda. That they’re being strong-armed into polyamory, casual sex, education, careerism, single-motherhood, and childlessness.

Meanwhile, as we discussed in a past episode, the Heritage Foundation is trying to use laws and public policy to strong-arm women into marriage, motherhood, and dependence on men. But never mind all that! The real threat, some say, is that feminists wrote some snarky blog posts in the 2010s.

Don’t worry, this episode does not rehash the Adult Braces discourse, but we do discuss how the Lindy West pile-on is part of a broader feminist backlash that has been brewing for many years—one that folks across the political spectrum are branding as a reasonable and empowering middle-ground for women.

The discourse is truly a mess out there, folks, but in this episode, we help you see the feminist forest for the trees. And while we’ve previously avoided confronting some of the more troubling arguments we’ve seen among liberal feminists—including, notably, on Substack—well, we’re over that. Behind the paywall, you’ll get our most candid thoughts on everything people are saying about feminism today.

This is a paid episode. Free subscribers get a generous preview, but if you want the full, uncensored conversation, you will have to upgrade to knock down the paywall. Paid subscribers make this podcast possible. If you care about the state of feminism, invest in our feminist podcast.

Remember the 90s? The Spice Girls were singing about girl power, and Britney Spears was asking someone to hit her one more time. Amanda was shopping at the Limited Too at the Sherman Oaks Galleria, while Tracy was sporting her Bebe shirt at a Bay Area mall, and possibly almost getting sex trafficked.

Behind the scenes, Les Wexner was cooking up the Victoria’s Secret Angels campaign, soon to be followed by the company's teen PINK-stamped butt line, while his buddy Jeffrey Epstein was allegedly posing as a VS scout to lure girls and women for abuse.

We know we’re not the only millennial women unpacking the now wide open secret of what 90s culture did to us. Bringing together everything we know now about the shitty men of that era who taught us all to hyper-sexualize little girls and lingerie-clad angels, in this episode we look back on our 90s girlhoods at the mall and beyond. We discuss what we learned then about gender, sex, bodies, beauty, and relationships with men. And we talk through how we’re deconstructing the lasting effects of 90s mall culture today.

This episode is totally free, because we really want you to have it. But if you find this episode helps you to un-gaslight and free yourself even a little, please rate us on your podcast apps, share the episode in your group chats and on your socials, and join our Substack community as a paid subscriber. Paid subscriptions are the only reason we are able to make this show.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.direstraightspod.com/subscribe

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.direstraightspod.com

The right-wing really wants women to need men.

Maybe you’ve heard: Earlier this year, The Heritage Foundation—the same ghouls who brought us Project 2025—released what they’re calling a blueprint for America’s next 250 years. It’s titled “Saving America by Saving the Family.”

Of course, this report isn’t about saving families. It’s 168 pages of policy recommendations that would strong-arm women into dependent relationships with men.

We dug into this report so you don’t have to, and we are here to tell you this plan is all part of a broader attempt by conservatives to coerce women into hetero marriage and motherhood, then to trap them there by eliminating no-fault divorce and social services for single women.

In this episode, we break the report down for you, and explore how it builds off the decades-long panic we’ve seen in the manosphere about women’s increasing freedom and independence and the broader right-wing fear of women’s ability to live—and thrive!—without a man.

Beyond the paywall, we also discuss our personal feelings around this pro-marriage propaganda. Amanda gets real about what divorce taught her about economic dependence on men. And Tracy gets into why this Heritage Foundation report made her think about her mom, who was sent away to a home for unwed mothers in the sixties—a story she covers in detail in her forthcoming book, My Mother’s Daughter, which is now available for preorder!

Speaking of independence, this is a paid episode. All subscribers can access a free preview, but if you want to hear the best and juiciest stuff, upgrade to a paid subscription. You’ll get everything that’s behind this paywall, and all other paywalled episodes, including those on porn, Epstein, marital sex, monogamy, divorce, and the dire state of dating today. You’ll also get access to guest conversations, subscriber chats, and more.

Whether you believe all wine moms are members of ANTIFA or that they’re just apolitical white ladies with too much rosé all day, it’s irrefutable that drunk and high mommies have a long, loaded cultural and political history.

Centuries before mommy juice and Mom Water™, before the Bad Moms movies and the giant wine glass memes, moms were getting high to escape the crushing demands of marriage and motherhood. And we can’t really blame them?

In this episode, we go deep on inebriated moms, digging into both progressive and conservative characterizations of moms who get drunk and high, and we consider the wine mom’s political potential today.

What does the wine mom tell us about gender, power, and feminism? What does she tell us about individualism and collective belonging? And what has the absence of a social safety net taught these gritty moms about fighting authoritarianism?

Love them or hate them, drunk and high moms are one of the most important cultural figures for understanding the feminine paradox of agency and refusal under patriarchy. The conservatives who have come for this beloved figure should be shaking in their fascist boots.

So get cozy, grab your glass of wine—or your sparkling water if you are, like Amanda, a recovering wine mom. We are traveling through time to give you the definitive feminist history on the wine mom.

This is a totally free episode. Isn’t that nice? That said, we are a 100% reader supported podcast. We do this show because we think it’s urgent and important. But we have bills to pay. If you want access to extra episodes every month, including bonus episodes on the latest culture and politics, AND if you want to know that you are keeping us afloat, upgrade to a paid subscription.

Show highlights…

2:40 Amanda was born for this episode.

5:30 When we talk about wine moms, we have to talk about patriarchal trauma. But in this episode, we do it in a fun way?

6:00 No moms were moralized in this episode.

8:30 Wine moms are key to understanding women’s agency under patriarchy.

9:30 To understand the wine mom herself, we have to go all the way back to the beginning, to the wandering womb.

11:00 Maenads drank and danced in the forest, which we’re into—to a point.

14:00 Queen Victoria was high all the time on all the drugs, and it seems not unrelated that she had nine kids.

15:00 Laudanum for depressed women, women who see ghosts, basically all the women.

17:15 Then the Victorians (and Freud) just gave everyone cocaine.

19:15 Men coercing women into drugging themselves, in another era of reasonable heteropessimism.

26:20 Working women drank; housewives took pills.

34:20 The OG wine mom was remarkably chill about her husband’s absence.

40:11 Tracy talks about her pre-pandemic writing on the wine mom.

42:02 Amanda talks about her pandemic writing on the wine mom.

46:22 We revisit the SNL wine moms skit.

49:55 Wine moms as a symbol of shared suffering and resistance—and a way for women to feel recognition and belonging through complaint.

53:20 No one asked for Mom Water.

56:55 The intersection between wine moms and the girl boss.

59:11 After the childcare crisis of the pandemic, the center of the wine mom could not hold.

1:00:00 We respond to the conservative demonization of so-called gangs of wine moms, and talk about what makes moms—whether they drink or not—so gritty today.

1:06:00 The paradox of the wine mom is the paradox of women’s agency under patriarchy.

Are you loving Dire Straights? Us too! Please share this episode in your group chat, on your socials, IRL, or on your next bad date. It goes a long way toward connecting us with listeners who need the work we’re doing—and in supporting this scrappy, independent feminist podcast.

We want to hear from you! Send us your pleas for advice and your stories at [email protected], or leave us a voice memo here. Please also tell us all your thoughts on the wine mom in the comments!

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.direstraightspod.com/subscribe

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.direstraightspod.com

Thanks to everyone who tuned into our Substack Live.

We started with a debrief of last night’s State of the Union. If you didn’t watch: Congrats. Let us recap for you.

Just a few topics we touched on:

* Trump as Daddy Protector of Patriarchy (also: a leering creep)

* That bombshell NPR report on the DOJ withholding files re: allegations of Trump abusing a minor

* Why the U.S. men’s hockey team (and the entire Trump admin) needs a training in bystander intervention

* Kash Patel: frat-boy idiot

* Trump and Melania’s shitty marriage as a perfect reflection of the misogyny and control behind “family values”

* Everything the America’s Next Top Model documentary got wrong about consent and reporting on an alleged sexual assault

* Kid Rock and RFK Jr. chugging milk, doing pushups in a sauna, and wearing jeans in a cold plunge tub

* The anti-heterosexuality of the Olympics

* Scott Galloway being disgusted by the birth of his own child

* Love Is Blind fat-shaming and straight men’s “just being honest” rhetoric

This recording is a special extra for paid subscribers, who make this podcast possible. Free subscribers will find a preview above, but you’ll have to upgrade to watch the whole thing. We’re also officially offering these Lives on all podcasting platforms if you prefer just the audio.

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.direstraightspod.com

The adult industry has turned into a popular scapegoat for nearly every problem in hetero life and culture right now. Pornography is blamed for everything from the “male loneliness epidemic” to women’s heteropessimism.

Some of these arguments are coming from feminist-minded folks who are reckoning with the cultural influence of pornography. But there’s also a decidedly anti-feminist contingent that is focused on the idea of porn as a tool of men’s oppression.

These attitudes are even circulating within the manosphere and among right-wing pundits. Figures like Andrew Tate, Jordan Peterson, Tucker Carlson, and Theo Von have all joined the anti-porn chorus. Meanwhile, conservatives are attempting to ban porn while bowing at the feet of a president who paid hush-money to porn performer Stormy Daniels.

There are certainly valid critiques to be made of porn as an industry. In this episode, we separate the legitimate from the illegitimate, the feminist from the anti-feminist, and we highlight where critiques of porn are overly simplistic, shame-based, anti-sex work, or just doing patriarchy’s dirty work.

We also get into our personal histories with porn—from how Amanda felt as a teen and in her twenties watching boys and men get sucked into tube sites, to Tracy’s experience as a teenager using porn as a guidebook to hot sex. Tracy also shares some behind-the scenes secrets from her years reporting on the industry as a journalist—including how they make fake cum shots.

And you’ll hear our uncensored thoughts about recent anti-porn arguments made by fellow feminists.

This is a paid episode. All subscribers can access a free preview, but if you want to hear the best and juiciest stuff, upgrade to a paid subscription. You’ll get everything that’s behind this paywall, and ever other paywalled episode, including those on Epstein, marital sex, monogamy, divorce, and the dire state of dating today. You’ll also get access to guest conversations, subscriber chats, and more.

Show highlights…

02:58 Porn is a scapegoat for hetero problems right now…

03:43 … from jackhammering to low-effort men to women’s heteropessimism.

06:50 We will refrain from relitigating the feminist sex wars. For now.

08:11 Amanda reluctantly asks Tracy to explain “gooning.”

15:20 Tracy talks about reporting as a journalist on a porn set and having an eye-opening conversation with a performer that she had come of age watching.

17:33 We don’t just learn “sexual scripts” from porn. One of us learned as much about sex and gender roles from “The Real World: Seattle” as YouJ*zz.com.

23:32 The right-wing crackdown on porn—from age-verification laws to fantasies of an all-out ban.

33:49 Tucker Carlson has some big feelings about cuckold porn.

35:44 Andrew Tate says that porn—as opposed to, say, accused sex traffickers like himself—are ruining society.

37:07 Let’s not forget Jordan Peterson calling porn “deadening” and “parasitical.”

37:52 Amanda ties in Scott Galloway to all of this nonsense.

40:10 We dig into current anti-porn arguments among feminists. (And “feminists.”)

41:39 Tracy reminds us that the “pro-porn” feminists were often critical of porn! They had a lot of questions and no easy answers.

42:55 Amanda reminds us that Andrea Dworkin’s arguments are often oversimplified.

47:40 These debates usually boil down to a simplistic “good” or “bad.” We can probably thank the gender binary for that.

50:34 One day we’ll have to do an episode on Substack feminism.

52:25 Amanda talks about her “anti-porn” phase.

58:02 Tracy talks about her youth watching early internet porn and trying to figure out how to get good at sex.

01:01:14 She found great role models in porn, actually.

01:04:40 Tracy talks about the behind-the-scenes of porn sets—and you will never think of Cetaphil the same way again.

01:11:29 Let’s critique porn, sure, but let’s not lose sight of how anti-porn arguments are being used in conservative, right-wing, and reactionary feminist attacks that are transphobic, homophobic, racist, misogynistic, and whorephobic.

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.direstraightspod.com

Thanks to everyone who tuned into our Substack Live.

Today’s bonus episode was a cultural and political grab bag. Just a few topics we touched on:

* Tracy blaming dire straightness for her skateboarding-related concussion

* Chris Harrison’s new trad marriage dating show

* Epstein’s hand in the #MeToo backlash

* The files telling us what we already know re: the conspiracy of patriarchy

* Sexual violence isn’t just a problem of the global elite

* Clavicular: the manospherean looksmaxxer who took a hammer to his jaw

* The politics of the gaze and the normalization of the hetero pose

* Wuthering Heights lingerie

* Does Jacob Elordi have BDE… or “The Dick Doesn’t Even Matter” Energy?

This recording is a special extra for paid subscribers, who make this podcast possible. Free subscribers will find a preview above, but you’ll have to upgrade to watch the whole thing. We’re also officially offering these Lives on all podcasting platforms if you prefer just the audio.

Perhaps you’ve heard, men will do literally anything to avoid going to therapy. They will eat raw liver, obsess about the Roman Empire, run American democracy into the ground, start their own paramilitary organization, design AI housebots, invent social media, start podcasts with their bros, open carry— anything other than Zoom for an hour with a mental health professional.

Meanwhile, men are—according to men—lonely, depressed, disempowered, and confused about what to do with themselves. Masculinity influencers and therapy-averse brocasters often insist that the key to men’s happiness is not therapy, but rather, wives, more economic power, and better definitions about what it takes to be a man.

We, however, are skeptical. So, we’re digging into why so many men are resistant to therapy, and why so many women are insistent that men go anyway. What does the “men and therapy” conversation tell us about heterosexual relationships? Is therapy really what men need? Or do they, actually, just need to listen to this podcast?

This is a free episode—but we believe it’s worth just as much as an hourly session with your therapist. If you love independent media that refuses to play to “both sides,” and will never, ever, host a town hall on whether feminism has failed women, upgrade to a paid subscription.

You’ll get an additional, extra juicy episode every month, full access to past paywalled episodes on topics like couples therapy and conservative “sex positivity”, along with access to live conversations with us and cool guests, and all community features on our Substack page.

If monetary support really isn’t in the cards for you, please share this podcast on your social pages, in your group chats, and IRL—and leave us a 5-star review on your favorite podcasting platform. These little gestures really help us know you like what we do, and they spread the word.

Show highlights…

2:10 This episode is free but please upgrade your subscription if you want independent media to survive these fascist goons—and if $80 for a WHOLE YEAR of urgent feminist analysis and community is really not in the cards for you, please like and rate us on your podcasting platform.

2:51 The memes confirm it, men will do anything other than go to therapy.

7:18 Tracy defends LARPing, because it could be worse.

8:20 Men who start podcasts are the worst offenders here. To be clear, we have done more than enough therapy to host this podcast.

9:40 The guys who started the internet and all wars also need therapy.

10:10 Tracy finds hope at her local meditation class.

11:15 We’ve destigmatized therapy, but therapy bro summer has not yet become a thing.

12:00 We know why men don’t go to therapy, but don’t they, also?

15:15 It seems some men don’t realize that talking about feelings is fun?

16:26 Manchiiiiild.

17:26 Amanda tries to convince Tracy that The Bear is good and gets nowhere.

18:25 We agree that Carmy needs therapy—and that therapy was good for Bruce Springsteen.

19:47 Tracy spent her childhood psychoanalyzing Leonardo DiCaprio, like girls do.

22:20 Girl culture is not just emotional, but highly textual!!

23:50 Men will literally declare a male loneliness epidemic to avoid going to therapy.

28:24 Why do women care so much if men go to therapy? Maybe because this political moment is brought to you by men who won’t go to therapy?

34:22 Amanda goes on a little rant about the sexual division of labor.

36:54 The premise that anti-empathy folks rely on to make their dumb argument against caring about other people.

38:10 The point is always power.

40:20 Why do men see women who want their partners to go to therapy as nags hmmmmmm.

43:58 The individualism of therapy.

45:30 Amanda goes on a little Scott Galloway rant—and makes a radical argument about what men need even more than therapy.

51:00 Emotional curiosity for the win!

55:20 Tracy thinks most white guys actually need a therapy domme.

59:07 Women telling their partners they long for men to make a political commitment is scarier than…

1:04:00 …women mothering men.

1:05:10 Amanda makes Tracy play the “does this guy need therapy or a feminist book?” game.

1:12:50 Tracy makes an offer: if you upgrade to paid we might do an episode on JD Vance.

Please share your favorite episodes of Dire Straights in your group chats and on whatever social media platform you can still stand. This one is free for all and… relatable.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.direstraightspod.com/subscribe

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.direstraightspod.com

Thanks to everyone who tuned into our Substack Live.

We got into the hetero-politics of the Department of Homeland Security. Given that our podcast is all about deconstructing heteronormative culture and politics, and imagining new ways forward, we felt like it was pretty urgent times to do a bonus episode on the state-sponsored, hypermasculine violence we’re seeing across the country right now.

Just a few topics we touched on:

* the origins of ICE in this country’s long history of rationalizing white supremacy and male violence as a way to “protect” white women’s sexuality and “the family”

* the link between Nazi motherhood medals and The Heritage Foundation’s new report

* Alex Pretti as a foil to ICE masculinity

* Renee Good as a reflection of the hetero-politics of ICE

* the sentimental nuclear family as the marketing arm of authoritarianism

* DHS targeting young men who want to team up with their “boys” to fight the “bad guys”

* Greg Bovino’s stupid f*****g Nazi coat

* Naomi Wolf being Naomi Wolf

* Why Minnesotans are winning (we should all be taking notes)

This recording is a special extra for paid subscribers, who make this podcast possible. Free subscribers will find a preview above, but you’ll have to upgrade to watch the whole thing. We’re also officially offering these Lives on all podcasting platforms if you prefer just the audio.

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.direstraightspod.com

Monogamy is essential to the culture of heterosexuality.

From its historical roots as a marital expectation for wives, but not husbands, to its current role in maintaining a society that runs on women’s unpaid labor, it’s clear that monogamy is a feminist problem. In this episode, we look at how monogamy fuels toxic romance myths about soul mates, isolates love and care within the nuclear family, and shrinks our social and political lives.

But the task of solving these problems is obviously much bigger than just opting into polyamory, so we’re also talking about what it might look like to be “anti-monogamy” in ways that actually have nothing to do with who, or how many people, you’re f*****g.

This is a paywalled episode, which means free listeners will have to upgrade to hear us get very candid about our own experiences with monogamy—from the myths that we grew up with, to experiences with infidelity, to our current feelings about sexual exclusivity, as a married woman and a newly single woman. We’ve got some big, complex, and sometimes contradictory feelings on this topic.

You can upgrade now on our Substack at direstraightspod.com. You’ll also get immediate access to all of our previous episodes, without any paywalls, as well as special bonus content and subscriber chats.

Paid subscribers, thanks so much for making this podcast possible.

Show highlights…

02:11 What is monogamy? Not as dumb of a question as it sounds!

04:24 Expectations of monogamy showed up in Ancient Rome. But only for wives.

05:46 It wasn’t until the 19th century that men were ALSO expected to be monogamous—after thousands of years of men being given the go ahead to f**k around while women were shamed and tortured for doing the same.

06:34 Monogamy became a working class aspiration, and a way for some to distance themselves from queer people and sex workers.

10:56 Compulsory monogamy! Let’s discuss.

12:24 Wildly racist and colonialist 20th century sexology tried to argue that monogamy as proof of European superiority.

13:49 Questionable theories abound about monogamy as “natural”!

14:57 Never trust a headline about “monogamous prairie voles.”

17:30 OK, but to play devil’s advocate: What’s so bad about monogamy? We have a LOT of answers.

21:07 One of the worst things, though: it privatizes love and care.

23:47 Monogamy culture is why men and women can’t be friends!

24:39 Are you “allowed” to be attracted to other people in a marriage?

25:35 We get personal and talk about the monogamy narratives that we grew up with as kids.

30:22 After her mom died, Tracy learned that her parents were not as monogamous as she had thought, and it kinda made her question everything.

32:52 Amanda used to call herself a serial monogamist because “I was always having boyfriends for a long time and then… replacing them.”

35:18 We both talk about brushes with infidelity. 👀

40:08 “Once a cheater, always a cheater”?

41:56 Tracy has been questioning monogamy for a very long time.

42:54 The existential threat of non-monogamy.

44:13 Tracy talks about admitting to fantasies about other people within a monogamous marriage.

49:56 OK but there ARE some good things about monogamy.

52:02 Amanda tells us how her attitude toward monogamy has changed post-divorce.

55:05 When non-monogamy is an attempt to prevent divorce.

01:00:47 How do you push back against jealousy while along allowing yourself to be human?

01:02:23 Non-monogamy is not necessarily politically radical—and it can reproduce some of the same troubling dynamics of monogamy.

01:07:14 Kim Tallbear has lots of smart things to say about decolonizing “settler sexuality.”

01:08:27 Maybe the question isn’t “monogamy or non-monogamy” but rather: How do I de-center the couple and create webs of caring connection?