Cold Brew Got Me Like

Buffalo Tom - "Postcard": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aZZ2OojSE7A

Patreon: Patreon.com/ChrisCrofton

TRUSTEE  -for Carol Cash

my trustees always regarded me with suspicion 

like I was going to get them in trouble for being too lively 

especially as a young child, in restaurants

my female trustee would always look real nervous
and say: 
“Chris, you need to be quiet. You’re bothering the normal people. If you say one more thing, we’re going home.”

I figured I must be an outsider or a misfit 
so I quit trusting
the trustees
and got even louder 
that way when they inevitably said I was too loud
it wouldn’t hurt as much

it worked!

UPDATE:
I had to stop using this system
in 2012 
because I was dying of loneliness 

Richie Havens - "Follow": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IEazNNJEcm0

Patreon: Patreon.com/ChrisCrofton

DOGS BARKING - for Gabriel Aguirre 

that’s one of 
the big things
I’ll remember
about this planet 

that

and mom

and thunderstorms 

other than that I
can’t think…

oh, kissing 

that’s another big one 

Jimmy Cliff - "Many Rivers to Cross": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7FhiM5gXRZM

Patreon: Patreon.com/ChrisCrofton


WE AREN’T THE FIRST

we’re the only ones alive right
now 

the only ones in the whole
history of the world
to be alive right now 

so let’s steel ourselves 
with the muscles of kindness

against the ones
among us who have lost their nerve

and are trying to find some shortcut
to salvation 

salvation is love plus bravery 

again,
salvation is love,
plus bravery 

so let’s hold hands through the fire

and set a goddamn example

The future: Invisible, heat-tolerant bubble-monkeys having a blast writing about the "Instagram Period" of human history. ALSO: Confused 3rd century farmers listening to podcasts and destroying their own wheat stash. PLUS: The only time George W. Bush felt comfortable during his entire presidency was when he ducked that shoe. A song of the week from The Sonics!!


The Sonics - "Shot Down": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWoNqXfRABQ

Bob Dylan and Carlos Santana interview: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fKEHVba_tEg&t=179s

Cold Brew Patreon: Patreon.com/ChrisCrofton

Channel Nonfiction: ChannelNonfiction.com

Can Do Cold Brew: CanDoColdBrew.com

Kenny Rogers - "Daytime Friends": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iQ9QvfnIJUk

Patreon: Patreon.com/ChrisCrofton

JUDGEMENTAL BARISTA  -for Simon Workman

in light of every microphone
being owned by iHeartRadio -
which is also Ticketmaster
and also Live Nation

and iHeartRadio is just 
Clear Channel, renamed

in light of the diabolical
hedge-funders 
rebranded as TED-talkers,
offering
for-profit amends  

in light of those monetized,
sex offending
Maharishis 

in light of Orwell
rolling in his grave

in light of all that

bow down to
the judgemental barista 

be grateful that
the poor
will still

tell you 
the fucking truth

*COLD BREW CONVERSATIONS*: Chris Talks with a Special Guest - Comedian Greg Edwards! 

Greg Edwards IG: https://www.instagram.com/gregcomedy?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==

Cold Brew Patreon: Patreon.com/ChrisCrofton

Can Do Cold Brew: CanDoColdBrew.com

Brian Protheroe - "Pinball": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=87berJKi2ek

Patreon: Patreon.com/ChrisCrofton

DRY CLEAN - for Athena

I hope no one ever asks me 
to dry clean anything 

because I don’t know the
first thing about it

and that reminds me
that I don’t know the first thing
about a lot of things

it also reminds me
to pick up my dry cleaning

Loudon Wainwright III - "You Can't Fail Me Now": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SVnH9r7NF28

Patreon: Patreon.com/ChrisCrofton

TAPE HISS - for Sam Armstrong 

my youth
tape hiss

which is what
what is which 

a Maxell XLII was my first kiss 

like the tree frogs at night 

like the beat of my heart

like aroaring teenage tide 

I rocked and rolled
all night

yes I did 

tape hiss

Billy Joel - "I've Loved These Days": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSQkkiD-x8k

Patreon: Patreon.com/ChrisCrofton

PROJECT 2050 - for Seth Desrochers

In 2050 the babies born now 
will be 26 years old
the project is to leave them
a world to inhabit 

the project is not going well

we refuse to age gracefully 
all because of some poem
by Dylan Thomas 

stop raging at
the dying light 
you 90 yr old
light-hogger

it’s not a light anyway 

it’s Fox News

Mom is reading the intro to Chris's audio book. The musical crimes of Greta Van fleet. ALSO: Greta van Fleet fans are boomers. America refuses to grow up, and that’s its biggest problem. PLUS: The worst things in the world are the result of hyper-individualism, and how the JFK assassination figures into America's decline. AND a Can Do Cold Brew ad!!!!

Husker Du - "It's Not Funny Anymore": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lpLj-pO0rqo

Cold Brew Patreon: Patreon.com/ChrisCrofton

Channel Nonfiction: ChannelNonfiction.com

Can Do Cold Brew: CanDoColdBrew.com