Constructive confrontation—does that sound like an oxymoron to you? I want to assure you confrontation can indeed be very constructive when it is done for the right reasons, at the right time, and in the right way.

Remember when the children of Israel were held captive as slaves in Egypt? God told Moses, “Get up early in the morning and confront Pharaoh…and say to him, ‘This is what the Lord says: Let my people go, so that they may worship me’” (Exodus 8:20).

Moses was sent on a mission of confrontation by the Lord. Unfortunately, Pharaoh chose not to heed Moses’ warning, and he suffered immense harm and eventual death as a result. But God kept sending Moses to confront Pharaoh so these disasters could be avoided. That was the purpose of the confrontations; it was a very constructive and appropriate action to take.

Can you think of a person or a situation in your life right now that needs some constructive confrontation? How can you tell if it is constructive or not? Consider these questions:

If the confrontation were successfully completed, would the confronted person benefit from it?

Does this situation/person really require confrontation, or do you need an attitude change or more patience?

Is your desire to confront imbedded in a desire to get even, or is it wrapped up in anger and vengeance?

What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God (James 4:1-2).

Anytime the turmoil inside us is simply our own selfish unfulfilled desires or covetousness or anger, obviously we are the one who needs confronting and changing, first and foremost.

As you think about the person or situation in your life that needs confrontation, search your heart in prayer before the Lord, read this passage from James 4, and make certain your motives are in line with God’s Word. Otherwise, you will be confronting in the power of the flesh for the wrong reasons, and I can assure you that will fail miserably.