God sent Moses to confront Pharaoh several times, to try to resolve their impasse in a way that would be best for both. Moses told Pharaoh, “Let my people go,” but Pharaoh refused to take the advice, and he paid a big price for it.

As we’ve talked about constructive confrontation, I’ve encouraged you not to avoid confrontation when it is the right thing to do. But we also have to be aware that even constructive confrontation doesn’t always work, because we do not have control over how the other person will react.

It’s important to remember even when we do the right thing in the right way, the confrontation may not have an immediate good result. The other person must ultimately choose how he or she will respond, and sometimes it doesn’t work out the way we had hoped. That doesn’t mean we failed.

Jesus was often rejected by those he confronted with the truth, and he allowed people to walk away. Even when you believe you know what is best for other people, ultimately, you must be reconciled to the fact that they make their own choices.

In some situations, you may have the power or the authority to execute an ultimatum if the other person refuses to conform. For example, if you confront an employee about their poor work habits and they refuse to change, they may indeed face the consequence of losing their job. But before you present the ultimatum to that person, try to achieve the desired result—changing that person’s poor work habits in a more conciliatory manner. It may work, and you won’t need to issue the ultimatum.

In other situations, you may be powerless to enforce the change you are trying to achieve. Then, depending on the relationship, you must be prepared to live with it without allowing it to ruin your life, or you have to make changes if you are not prepared to live with it.

I want to encourage you to get past your fear and resistance to confrontation and learn how to confront when it is right to do. It is good to speak the truth in love even if it is painful.