Did you know that procrastination, risky behaviour, blaming others and even infidelity may be a sign of self-sabotage? There are a host of other symptoms, too. In this, episode 2 or Series 8, I discuss with psychotherapist Ryan Bennett-Clarke why we might self sabotage, what it tells us about ourselves and of course, what we can do about it.

If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri

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Produced by Hester Cant. Art work by Lo Cole. Music by Toby Dunham.

IG: @annalisabarbieri

Links to further work: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieri

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri.

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Welcome to series 8 of Conversations with Annalisa Barbieri. 

This episode was Professor Lucy Easthope's idea as it’s something she really wanted to talk about and I’m honoured she has trusted me with this delicate subject. In this episode Lucy talks openly about her very personal five baby losses by miscarriage.

Lucy is Professor of Practice of Risk and Hazard at the University of Durham and a Professor in Mass Fatalities at the University of Bath. She studied law at university and has a masters in disaster management and a pHD in medicine.

Lucy is a UK Expert and advisor on emergency planning and disaster recovery and a world authority on these subjects. She works with governments, emergency services and communities and families who have been affected by disaster. She’s advised on almost every major disaster that’s happened in the last two decades.

She is also the author of the best seller: When the Dust Settles, Searching for Hope after disaster. Her baby losses are talked about candidly throughout the book but in particular in Chapter Seven, Little Losses.

Links listeners may find useful:

https://www.tommys.org/

https://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/

https://www.sands.org.uk/

If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri

If you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes. For £5 a month you get them as soon as they are produced.

Produced by Hester Cant. Art work by Lo Cole. Music by Toby Dunham.

IG: @annalisabarbieri

Links to further work: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieri

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is the final episode in Series 7. It's about birth trauma and I speak with journalist, author and CEO of The BTA, Kim Thomas.

We talk about what birth trauma is, what can cause it (we do not go into graphic detail), how it can manifest and how to get help. We discuss the difference between Post Natal Depression and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder brought on by birth trauma. We also discuss the impact of birth trauma on birthing partners.

May 2024 update: Parliamentary report.

Some organisations we talk about in the episode:

The Birth Trauma Association.

Kim Thomas's book on PTSD and Birth Trauma.

Masic: https://masic.org.uk/about-masic/

Magnolia midwives: https://www.instagram.com/magnoliamidwives/?hl=en

Doula UK: https://doula.org.uk

Tommy's: https://www.tommys.org

Nice Guidelines: https://www.nice.org.uk/guidance

Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists: https://www.rcog.org.uk

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/postnatal-depression-and-perinatal-mental-health/useful-contacts/

If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri

If you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes. For £5 a month you get them as soon as they are produced.

Produced by Hester Cant.

IG: @annalisabarbieri

All links to pretty much everything else I do: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieri

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Interviewing Ryan Bennett-Clarke for my Guardian column - about something else entirely - we got talking about envy. And what he had to say fair blew my mind.

What is envy? How does it differ from jealously? Where does it come from and how does it manifest? If you've ever left a person feeling like little bits of you have been taken away, well envy may be the answer. We talk about how envy feels, why people get jealous or envious, how it's on the rise with social media; and we also talk about some nifty ways to 'interrupt' envy. How to answer back to those barbs. I found this one of the most thought-provoking episodes I've ever done and I have to admit I looked at certain people in a different way. Dare I say this is life-changing? I think it might be.

Ryan Bennett-Clarke, né Marjoram is a UKCP accredited psychotherapist. He has written two papers for The Journal of Psychodynamic Practice:

The Insidious Dance of Love and Hate: An examination of Envy and Greed in the Stalker-Victim Dynamic: Part One - Theory

https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/14753634.2022.2039880 

The Insidious Dance of Love and Hate: An examination of Envy and Greed in the Stalker-Victim Dynamic: Part Two - Clinical Application

https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/14753634.2022.2039881  

and you can read more about Ryan here:

Let us know if you feel this episode has brought up any thoughts, or if you have ideas for other episodes: [email protected]

If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri

If you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes. For £5 a month you get them as soon as they are produced.

Thanks so much for listening and please remember to share with friends and if you feel able to, leave a review, it really helps.

The producer is Hester Cant, the music is Toby Dunham and our artwork is by Lo Cole.

IG: @annalisabarbieri

All links to pretty much everything else I do: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieri

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Although unresolved grief can hit us at any stage in our lives, this episode specifically talks about childhood bereavement and the impact it can have on adulthood. My guest is UKCP and BACP registered psychotherapist and researcher Mandy Gosling who, as we shall hear, has personal experience of early bereavement.

An early bereavement can lodge - if not processed - and be carried into adult hood, manifesting as inability to hold down jobs or relationships, feelings of loneliness or depression (of course you can feel all these things without having been bereaved). Mandy talks about her personal experiences, how they impacted and how we can help children process grief and if that's now you as an adult, what you might consider doing to lighten your psychological load.

You can learn more about Mandy and her work here: www.abcgrief.co.uk or www.mandygosling.co.uk 

Some useful bereavement websites:

https://www.winstonswish.org

https://www.childbereavementuk.org

https://www.cruse.org.uk

Let us know if you feel this episode has brought up any thoughts, or if you have ideas for other episodes: [email protected]

If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri

If you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes. For £5 a month you get them as soon as they are produced.

Thanks so much for listening and please remember to share with friends and if you feel able to, leave a review, it really helps.

The producer is Hester Cant, the music is Toby Dunham and our artwork is by Lo Cole.

IG: @annalisabarbieri

All links to pretty much everything else I do: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieri

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dr Stephen Blumenthal returns (catch him in Series 2 talking about Intimacy and Trust in Series 5) and this time we're talking about shame. What it is, how it differs to humiliation and embarrassment or even guilt. Shame can make people act differently - either because they are avoiding shame or trying to cover up the shame they already feel. Where does shame come from? And why is some shame useful to society?

If you’d like to learn more about Dr Blumenthal and his work you can do so at https://stephenblumenthal.com.

Let us know if you feel this episode has brought up any thoughts, or if you have ideas for other episodes: [email protected]

If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri

If you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes. For £5 a month you get them as soon as they are produced.

Thanks so much for listening and please remember to share with friends and if you feel able to, leave a review, it really helps.

The producer is Hester Cant, the music is Toby Dunham and our artwork is by Lo Cole.

IG: @annalisabarbieri

All links to pretty much everything else I do: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieri

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Professor Lucy Easthope is a UK expert and advisor on emergency planning and disaster recover. A world authority on recovery and disaster planning and its aftermath. She’s Professor of Practice of Risk and Hazard at the university of Durham and a professor in Mass Fatalities at the university of Bath.

Lucy studied law at university and has a masters in disaster management and a pHD in medicine.

In 2022 Lucy published a best selling book that talks a lot about her work and a little about her life called When the Dust Settles, Searching for Hope after disaster. It’s a must read and one that I recommend to all who will listen. If anyone knows about planning it’s Lucy and in this episode we talk about how she takes her incredible experience into every day life. Can we ever plan too much? Why is planning a good idea but how we should also leave a little room for spontaneity. Perhaps. And one of the most important take aways for me - look after the planner in the family

You can find her website here: http://whatevernext.info/

Let us know if you feel this episode has brought up any thoughts, or if you have ideas for other episodes: [email protected]

If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri

If you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes. For £5 a month you get them as soon as they are produced.

Thanks so much for listening and please remember to share with friends and if you feel able to, leave a review, it really helps.

The producer is Hester Cant, the music is Toby Dunham and our artwork is by Lo Cole.

IG: @annalisabarbieri

All links to pretty much everything else I do: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieri

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Where to die? Not everyone gets that choice but you or a loved one might and that choice may be to go home from a hospice or hospital or care home, or go into one. In this sensitively handled but hugely informative episode, I talk again to Dr Kathryn Mannix, palliative care doctor and author of two excellent books: With the End in Mind and Listen. We talk about what to think about: care, equipment, environment, all things that need to be carefully considered and weighed up. When my own mother was dying and she wanted to go home, I was tortured by what to do and doing the Right Thing. Dr Kathryn Mannix held my hand through this process and lessened some of the pain. Despite the subject matter we end the episode on a really poetic, positive takeaway from Kathryn which should soothe even the most troubled of souls.

A few links we refer to and which you may find useful:

https://eol-doula.uk/

https://www.kathrynmannix.com/

Let us know if you feel this episode has brought up any thoughts, or if you have ideas for other episodes: [email protected]

If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri

If you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes. For £5 a month you get them as soon as they are produced.

Thanks so much for listening and please remember to share with friends and if you feel able to, leave a review, it really helps.

The producer is Hester Cant, the music is Toby Dunham and our artwork is by Lo Cole.

IG: @annalisabarbieri

All links to pretty much everything else I do: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieri

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Not what makes a relationship real vs fantasy or made up, but the nubbins of relationships, the reality. Many people seem unprepared for what a real relationship looks and feels like, and this might be because of how they are portrayed on TV and on social media where many times it's only the polar opposites which are show: either people talking about how fantastic their relationship is or how terrible. Real relationships are quite ordinary. But what should they be like? Is it okay to argue? When do you know if your relationship has tipped from 'real' to dysfunctional or even abusive? If relationships are such hard work why do we even bother to have them?

Joanna Harrison is the author of an excellent book called Five Arguments All Couples Need To Have, but she was also a divorce lawyer in a former life, and is now a senior clinician at Tavistock Relationships and a consultant to parents and separating couples at the law firm Family Law in Partnership.

You can read more about her and her work at joannaharrison.co.uk. She's on Instagram as @joannaharrisoncoupletherapy.

Let us know if you feel this episode has brought up any thoughts, or if you have ideas for other episodes: [email protected]

If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri

If you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes.

Thanks so much for listening and please remember to share with friends and if you feel able to, leave a review, it really helps.

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The in-laws, long the butt of jokes but in reality rich fodder for my Guardian mail bag. Of course, none of us think of ourselves as troublesome in-laws, but maybe we are? In this episode I talk to psychotherapist and CEO of the association for family therapy and systemic practise. Hannah has been a family and couples psychotherapist who has worked in the mental health service for thirty years. She’s also an associate professor at the university of exeter and deputy director of a clinical training department called CEDAR - clinical education development and research - that sits within the university’s psychology department.

We talk about all the usual in-law problems, work out that three things seem to underpin them and I present my own theory.

Let us know if you feel this episode has brought up any thoughts, or if you have ideas for other episodes: [email protected]

If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri

If you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes.

Thanks so much for listening and please remember to share with friends and if you feel able to, leave a review, it really helps.

The producer is Hester Cant, the music is Toby Dunham and our artwork is by Lo Cole.

IG: @annalisabarbieri

All links to pretty much everything else I do: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieri

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.