Connect with fellow survivors and access free resources:

Are you terrified of dating because you think you might make the same painful mistake again?

"I don't know where to start" is a common refrain from people newly out of a long term relationship. Dating can fill us with trepidation if we've been out of the scene for a while and we had a track record of heartaches. How do we find a great partner, knowing that the dating pool is rife with liars, cheaters, users, and abusers?

If this resonates with how you feel, then you will enjoy this episode with Chrissy.

Chrissy and I met through the "Self-Love Challenge" workshop I hosted in October of 2019. I was impressed by her confidence, exuded only by someone who knows her value intrinsically. As I got to know Chrissy more, I learned that her strength came out of the crucible of several painful relationships with narcissistic partners, including a physically violent ex-husband that stalked her. Much to Chrissy's credit, she realized that these relationships' had one thing in commonality, and that's her. She was determined to heal whatever was inside her that resulted in this painful pattern, so it does not repeat.

Hear Chrissy talk about how knowing her intrinsic value changed her approach to men entirely and the powerful mindset she holds while navigating the treacherous water of online dating. We go in-depth on red flags you shouldn't ignore, and why feeling an overwhelming sense of connection early on in a relationship might be a warning signal, especially for victims of childhood neglect and abuse.

"I have my own high standards for what I want in a partner and how I want to be treated. I bring a lot to the table. I'm not talking about material things but what I have to offer as a person — love and loyalty and all the things that make a good relationship." - Jennifer Lopez

Often dating advice focuses on strategies, made famous by books such as "The Rules," but this is upside-down thinking. A person without a healthy sense of self who dates with strategies is playing games — she is pretending to give but hoping to get the love and approval from others that she is unwilling to give herself. Even if she can mask the underlying needy energy for a while, sooner or later, the charade will be up, and the manipulations will backfire (See "Why playing hard to get doesn't work"). There's no shortcut to love — others can only love us to the extent we love ourselves. When we love and value who we are, our actions will automatically align with the confident, magnetic person we know ourselves to be, and others can't help but be attracted to us. I saw this transformation happen to Chrissy, and I am grateful for her willingness to share her story with great candor in the hopes of helping others too.

PS If you are interested in diving deeper into the topic of self-love, I am hosting a free "Loving Your Inner Child" workshop starting Dec 27th to help survivors of childhood parental abuse heal. The intake form is due this week. If we cannot fit you into this delivery, please stay tuned for possible sessions in 2021.