Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC. 

Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.

The Love Doc Podcast – Episode 40: "The Bright Side of Suffering." In this transformative episode of The Love Doc Podcast, Dr. Hensley explores one of the most difficult yet essential aspects of the human experience—suffering. Rather than something to fear or avoid, she reframes suffering as a necessary force for growth, resilience, and transformation—but only if we allow it to serve that purpose.

Why Do Some People Break While Others Rise? The Science of Suffering
Dr. Hensley begins the episode by addressing a fundamental question: Why do some people experience post-traumatic stress while others experience post-traumatic growth? She discusses the psychological and neurological factors that determine whether suffering will lead to breakdown or breakthrough.She highlights a study that examined two different therapeutic approaches for trauma survivors:

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): A structured, problem-focused therapy that helps individuals change negative thought patterns.
• Positive Psychological Interventions (PPI): A strengths-based approach that focuses on resilience, finding meaning in suffering, and reframing challenges in a positive light.

The study revealed that individuals who underwent PPI showed greater post-traumatic growth compared to those who only engaged in CBT. This is because PPIs encourage individuals to see their pain as part of a bigger picture, whereas CBT primarily focuses on managing symptoms.

Faith and the Power of Redemption in Suffering
As the episode progresses, Dr. Hensley shares a deeply personal perspective on suffering—one rooted in faith. She explains how her own hardships have been catalysts for spiritual growth, helping her develop deeper trust and surrender.She reflects on the suffering of Christ, emphasizing that His sacrifice was the ultimate example of how pain can lead to redemption. Through faith, suffering can take on a greater purpose, allowing people to transcend their pain rather than be defined by it.

The Role of Community in Healing
Dr. Hensley stresses that healing from suffering is not meant to be done alone. She explores the importance of community and connection, explaining how isolation often prolongs suffering while healthy relationships create a safe space for healing and transformation. Whether through friendships, support groups, or spiritual communities, surrounding oneself with understanding and uplifting people can make all the difference.

Attachment Styles and How They Influence Healing
At the midpoint of the episode, Dr. Hensley shifts the discussion to attachment theory, explaining how different attachment styles process and cope with suffering:

• Anxious Attachment: Those with an anxious attachment style often get stuck in victimhood, replaying their pain and seeking validation to soothe their wounds. They struggle with letting go and moving forward.
• Avoidant Attachment: On the other hand, avoidant individuals tend to suppress and dismiss their suffering, refusing to acknowledge their pain. They may appear strong on the outside but often struggle with deep emotional disconnect.

Dr. Hensley shares specific strategies for each attachment style to help them move through suffering in a healthier way.

Somatic Healing: Moving Through Suffering with the Body
One of the most crucial parts of healing, Dr. Hensley explains, is not just feeling emotions, but actually processing them through the body. She introduces somatic healing techniques—practices that help release stored trauma and emotions physically, since emotions are "energy in motion."She shares different methods to create safety in the body, including:

• Breathwork to regulate the nervous system
• Grounding exercises to reconnect with the present moment
• Movement-based practices like yoga, shaking, or dance to release stored emotional energy

Dr. Hensley emphasizes that growth from suffering requires more than intellectual processing—it requires physical release and transformation.

The Difference Between Therapy and Coaching in Healing
As the episode nears its conclusion, Dr. Hensley breaks down the key differences between therapy and coaching when it comes to healing from suffering:

• Therapy: Primarily focuses on processing past trauma, offering a safe space to understand and work through emotions.
• Coaching: Takes a prescriptive and action-oriented approach, providing concrete tools to change behavior and rewire neural pathways for long-term transformation.

Dr. Hensley explains that while therapy is invaluable for understanding pain, coaching is essential for creating real, lasting change—helping individuals take proactive steps toward rewiring their mindset, behaviors, and emotional responses.

Final Takeaway: Growth is a Choice
Dr. Hensley wraps up the episode with a powerful message:
"Suffering is inevitable, but what you do with it is up to you. Will you let it break you, or will you let it build you into the highest version of yourself?" This episode is both deeply personal and profoundly practical, providing listeners with the tools, insights, and inspiration to embrace suffering as a stepping stone to greatness.




Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media. 

PROMO CODE FOR OUR LISTNERS: Use LOVEDOC27 to receive 27% off any of Dr. Hensley's courses or her Hybrid Group Coaching Program. 

Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/

Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/

Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout

Tik-Tok: @drsarahhensley

Instagram: @the_dating_decoder

Facebook: The Dating Decoder

Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley



Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--6390558/support.

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC. 

Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.

Episode 39: The TikTok Ban Part II

In this episode of The Love Doc Podcast, Dr. Sarah Hensley expands on the ongoing TikTok ban debate, following the discussion from episode 37, when the ban was still pending. A lot has changed in a short time—including a dark period where TikTok temporarily disappeared—leaving creators, businesses, and everyday users in a state of uncertainty.

Dr. Hensley begins by breaking down the Supreme Court ruling, expressing her surprise at how quickly the decision was made. She argues that the ruling did not fully consider the economic impact of losing TikTok, both directly for content creators and indirectly for businesses that rely on the platform for marketing. She also highlights which senators are currently working on legislative measures to protect TikTok, emphasizing their efforts to prevent the U.S. economy from suffering due to a potential ban.

Dr. Hensley then explains Project Texas, TikTok’s initiative to address U.S. security concerns by storing American user data domestically and increasing transparency through third-party audits. She expresses disappointment that the court did not take a more balanced approach—such as allowing more time for audits before making a ruling—rather than pushing for an outright ban.

Dr. Hensley then shares her firsthand experience on a call with 50 TikTok creators and Senator Ro Khanna following the ruling. She gives a special shoutout to Ro Khanna for listening to creators’ personal stories about how TikTok has changed their lives. Reflecting on her own journey, she speaks about how the platform has allowed her to grow her business, reach thousands of clients, and help people find and sustain healthy relationships.

She then discusses the broader consequences of the ruling, including the potential legal risks for service providers like Apple and Google if they continued to offer TikTok for download. She explains how these companies could have, and still could, face legal challenges and financial penalties had they not complied with the ruling.

Halfway through the episode, Dr. Hensley shifts to analyzing the deal that former President Trump negotiated to create a 75-day extension, delaying the enforcement of the ban. She explains the terms of this deal and the political maneuvering behind it.

She also highlights the efforts of Senator Ed Markey, who advocated for an extension that would allow TikTok to remain operational while the government figured out how to protect national security. However, she notes that Senator Tom Cotton was the only person in Congress to oppose Markey’s extension, standing firmly in favor of the ban.

Dr. Hensley ends the episode with a powerful call to action, urging listeners to stand up for free speech and their First Amendment rights. She encourages everyone who values TikTok to sign the petition to repeal the ban, emphasizing that the fight is far from over. She reminds listeners that their voices matter and that advocating for their platform is essential in preserving digital freedom and economic opportunity.

This episode is a must-listen for TikTok creators, business owners, and anyone invested in the future of digital content creation in the U.S.

Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media. 

PROMO CODE FOR OUR LISTNERS: Use LOVEDOC27 to receive 27% off any of Dr. Hensley's courses or her Hybrid Group Coaching Program. 

Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/

Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/

Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout

Tik-Tok: @drsarahhensley

Instagram: @the_dating_decoder

Facebook: The Dating Decoder

Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--6390558/support.

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC. 

Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.

Episode 38: The Most Painful Relationship Dynamic

In this deeply insightful episode of The Love Doc Podcast, Dr. Sarah Hensley explores what she considers the most painful romantic dynamic outside of relationships with narcissists or those with personality disorders: the Fearful-Avoidant (FA) and Dismissive-Avoidant (DA) attachment pairing.

Why Is This the Most Painful Dynamic?

Dr. Hensley begins by breaking down the core traits of each attachment style:
• Fearful-Avoidants (FAs) crave deep emotional intimacy but simultaneously fear it, oscillating between intense closeness and withdrawal. Their internal struggle stems from an upbringing marked by trauma, inconsistency, and trust breaks—often experiencing both love and fear from caregivers.
• Dismissive-Avoidants (DAs), on the other hand, prioritize independence and emotional self-sufficiency. They typically shut down in the face of relational tension, having learned early on that vulnerability is unsafe and that they must rely on themselves.

When these two attachment styles fall in love, the cycle of attraction and rejection becomes excruciatingly painful:
• Push-Pull Dynamics: The FA constantly seeks reassurance, only to pull away when it feels too overwhelming, while the DA maintains emotional distance, reinforcing the FA’s fears of not being able to trust anyone.
• Emotional Misalignment: The FA interprets the DA’s withdrawal as rejection, triggering intense anxiety and protest behaviors, while the DA feels overwhelmed by the FA’s emotional needs and shuts down further.
• Unresolved Childhood Wounds: Both partners unknowingly re-enact childhood patterns—FAs chase unresponsive caregivers, while DAs retreat to the emotional solitude they relied on as children.

Why Are They Attracted to Each Other?

Midway through the episode, Dr. Hensley delves into one of the most fascinating aspects of insecure attachment: shadow attraction—the unconscious draw toward partners who reflect our deepest fears, wounds, and unintegrated parts of ourselves.
• The FA’s Shadow: The fearful-avoidant deeply fears abandonment but is paradoxically drawn to emotionally unavailable partners (DAs) because they reinforce the FA’s core belief: “I am not safe in love.” Since thier emotions tend to be all over the place they are drawn to the emotional stabitity that the DA partner protrays. 
• The DA’s Shadow: The dismissive-avoidant, though appearing independent, often harbors deep loneliness and suppressed emotional needs. They are magnetized by the FA’s emotional intensity, as it represents the feelings they’ve long suppressed. Since their emotions tend to be more supressed they become enamored by the FA's openess to express emotional vulnerability. 

Dr. Hensley explains that insecurely attached individuals are attracted to their shadows because their subconscious mind seeks familiarity, even if it is painful. Healing requires recognizing this attraction as a mirror rather than a destiny.

How Can This Relationship Work?

Although this dynamic is inherently painful, Dr. Hensley assures listeners that healing and transformation are possible. She shares tools and strategies from her coaching practice that help break the toxic cycle and create a more secure bond.
• For Fearful-Avoidants: Learning to regulate their nervous system and develop self-trust, so they are not constantly seeking reassurance from an emotionally unavailable partner.
• For Dismissive-Avoidants: Developing emotional literacy and recognizing that avoiding emotions does not equal true independence.
• For Both Partners: Understanding the trauma responses at play, fostering direct communication, and shifting the relationship from one of reactivity to intentionality.

Dr. Hensley offers practical steps, including boundary-setting exercises, communication techniques, and self-reflection practices, while keeping some of her most transformative methods reserved for her private clients and programs.

Because this is the most common and painful dynamic Dr. Hensley sees in her practice, this episode is a must-listen for anyone trapped in the FA-DA cycle. It provides both clarity and hope, offering a roadmap to understanding why these relationships feel impossible and how, with the right tools, they can evolve into something healthier.

Whether you’re struggling in this dynamic or simply want to deepen your knowledge of attachment, this episode is packed with raw insights, expert guidance, and real solutions—don’t miss it!
Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media. 

PROMO CODE FOR OUR LISTNERS: Use LOVEDOC27 to receive 27% off any of Dr. Hensley's courses or her Hybrid Group Coaching Program. 

Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/

Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/

Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout

Tik-Tok: @drsarahhensley

Instagram: @the_dating_decoder

Facebook: The Dating Decoder

Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley



Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--6390558/support.

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC. 

Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.

Episode 37: “The TikTok Ban”

In this episode of The Love Doc Podcast, Dr. Hensley takes a step outside her usual relationship-focused discussions to dive into a topic that’s deeply personal and timely: the TikTok ban. Known as her “home base,” TikTok is where Dr. Hensley’s journey began and where she built her most loyal community. She discusses why she believes TikTok is the best platform for amplifying organic voices without conditions or algorithms that stifle creators—a stark contrast to other social platforms.

Dr. Hensley acknowledges the flood of misinformation surrounding the TikTok ban and emphasizes the importance of educating the public about what’s really happening. Drawing on her extensive research and the developments she’s followed closely, she outlines the key players and moments in this ongoing story.

Dr. Hensley breaks this episode down with the following categories. 
*TikTok’s Role in Dr. Hensley’s Journey
• Why TikTok feels like home and why it’s unique compared to other platforms.
• The power of TikTok to amplify diverse and organic voices.
• How the platform helped her connect with her audience authentically.

*Origins of the TikTok Ban Discussion
• Concerns over TikTok’s ownership by ByteDance, a Chinese company.
• Fears about national security, data privacy, and the potential for Chinese government access to American user data.

* Both former President Biden and President Trump’s Roles in how and why the tik tok ban is happening.

*Congress and the Senate’s Role
• Hearings with TikTok’s CEO and other stakeholders.
• The bipartisan concerns about foreign influence, misinformation, and the need for stricter data privacy laws.
• Differing perspectives on whether banning TikTok is a solution or a distraction.

* The impact on Creators and Communities
• The potential fallout for creators who rely on TikTok for connection and income.
• How a ban could shift social media dynamics and stifle the organic reach that creators depend on.

*Dr. Hensley’s Takeaway
• Why it’s crucial for American people to be educated about the motivations behind these actions.
• The broader implications of censorship and government overreach on free speech.
• Her hope for a balanced solution that protects both privacy and the creative freedom of platforms like TikTok.

Dr. Hensley concludes by sharing her unwavering belief in the power of creators and communities to adapt and thrive, no matter the platform. She encourages her listeners to stay informed, engaged, and proactive in understanding the policies that affect their digital lives as well as thier constitutional rights. 

This episode is a must-listen for anyone curious about the ongoing debate surrounding TikTok and its future in the U.S.

Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media. 

PROMO CODE FOR OUR LISTNERS: Use LOVEDOC27 to receive 27% off any of Dr. Hensley's courses or her Hybrid Group Coaching Program. 

Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/

Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/

Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout

Tik-Tok: @drsarahhensley

Instagram: @the_dating_decoder

Facebook: The Dating Decoder

Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--6390558/support.

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC. 

Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.

Episode 36: Why They Cheat

In episode 36 of The Love Doc Podcast, Dr. Hensley takes a deep dive into the complex reasons behind infidelity, viewed through the lens of attachment theory. As a seasoned social psychologist and attachment expert, she offers a nuanced exploration of why individuals from different attachment styles might cheat, shedding light on the often-hidden wounds that drive this behavior.

Why Each Attachment Style Might Cheat
1. Dismissive Avoidant:
Dismissive avoidants often cheat as a way to maintain emotional distance and protect their independence. Deep down, they fear vulnerability and intimacy, and cheating allows them to avoid the commitment that comes with being fully emotionally present. They may rationalize their behavior as a way to preserve their sense of autonomy.
2. Fearful Avoidant:
With a mix of longing for closeness and a fear of rejection, fearful avoidants may cheat due to their inconsistent emotional needs. They might seek validation or comfort from someone outside the relationship while simultaneously pushing their primary partner away out of fear of betrayal. Their inner conflict often leads to impulsive decisions driven by unresolved trauma.
3. Anxious Preoccupied:
Anxious-preoccupied individuals are highly driven by a fear of being unloved or abandoned. They might cheat as a misguided attempt to get attention, reassurance, or to feel desired. Often, their infidelity stems from insecurity and an underlying belief that their partner isn’t meeting their emotional needs.

Recovering From Infidelity

Midway through the episode, Dr. Hensley shifts gears to discuss the aftermath of cheating and how couples can work to rebuild trust—if they choose to do so. She explains that recovery from infidelity is an uphill battle, requiring immense effort, vulnerability, and accountability from both partners.
• Steps to Recovery: Dr. Hensley outlines specific steps for couples attempting to heal:
1. Complete transparency and accountability from the unfaithful partner.
2. Commitment to honest communication, even when it’s uncomfortable.
3. Addressing the root cause of the infidelity, often tied to individual attachment wounds.
4. Seeking professional guidance to navigate the intense emotions and triggers that surface during this process.

However, Dr. Hensley candidly shares her professional opinion: full recovery from infidelity is rare. While some couples rebuild stronger relationships, most struggle to regain the trust and emotional safety necessary for long-term connection.

Support for Those Impacted by Infidelity

In the final segment, Dr. Hensley emphasizes the importance of compassionate, actionable support for individuals navigating the aftermath of infidelity. Whether listeners are healing from divorce, trying to mend a relationship, or contemplating leaving, Dr. Hensley’s coaching practices offer a lifeline.

She highlights how her tools and tactics—grounded in attachment theory and years of experience—equip clients to:
• Regulate their nervous system amidst emotional turmoil.
• Break free from self-blame and shame cycles.
• Set and enforce healthy boundaries, regardless of their decision to stay or leave.

Dr. Hensley assures her audience that while the pain of infidelity is profound, it is possible to heal, grow, and rediscover self-worth. Her compassionate approach provides both validation and practical strategies, empowering clients to navigate one of the most painful experiences in any relationship.

Tune in to this episode for an eye-opening discussion that combines academic insight with heartfelt guidance for those grappling with the fallout of infidelity.

Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media. 

PROMO CODE FOR OUR LISTNERS: Use LOVEDOC27 to receive 27% off any of Dr. Hensley's courses or her Hybrid Group Coaching Program. 

Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/

Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/

Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout

Tik-Tok: @drsarahhensley

Instagram: @the_dating_decoder

Facebook: The Dating Decoder

Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--6390558/support.

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC. 

Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.

Episode 35: The Fearful Avoidant

In episode 35 of The Love Doc Podcast, Dr. Hensley dives deep into the world of the Fearful Avoidant (FA) attachment style, the most complex and variable of all attachment types. Known in earlier psychological frameworks as disorganized attachment, FAs oscillate between seeking closeness and pulling away, leaving both themselves and their partners in a cycle of confusion and pain.

What Makes the Fearful Avoidant Unique?

Dr. Hensley explains that FAs are the hardest attachment style to pinpoint because they embody traits from both anxious and avoidant types. Their deep inner conflict is rooted in a profound trust and betrayal wound, which makes it challenging for them to feel secure in relationships.
• The Push-Pull Dynamic: FAs often seek connection, craving closeness, but then feel misunderstood or betrayed and instinctively push their partner away. This paradox creates a cycle of emotional highs and lows in their romantic relationships.

Where Attachment Begins: The Childhood of an FA

Dr. Hensley traces the origins of FA attachment back to childhood, often shaped by the most trauma-filled environments. These traumas can include:
• Big T traumas (e.g., abuse, neglect, abandonment).
• Little T traumas (e.g., invalidation, inconsistency, emotional neglect).

She also emphasizes that FAs typically grow up with at least one emotionally dysfunctional caregiver, further complicating their ability to trust and feel safe.

The Role of Parents:
• Same-gender parent: Science suggests this parent leaves the deepest imprint on the child’s attachment patterns.
• Both parents: Combined, their behaviors create the template that teaches the FA that love is not safe, leading to deep-seated trust and betrayal wounds.

The Negative Traits of an FA

Dr. Hensley breaks down the challenging traits of FAs, especially how they manifest in adult romantic relationships:
1. Hypervigilance:
• FAs are highly attuned to subtle cues but often catastrophize them.
• This makes them extremely sensitive and easily triggered, as their deep wounds leave them vulnerable to perceived rejection or betrayal.
2. Trauma Responses:
• Anxious-leaning FAs tend to react with anger and heightened emotional reactivity.
• Avoidant-leaning FAs often dissociate, emotionally shutting down after feeling they’ve tried too hard for too long.
3. Negative Bias in Relationships:
• FAs often approach their romantic relationships with a belief that betrayal is inevitable, leading to high levels of criticism and difficulty repairing conflicts.
4. Poor Partner Choices:
• Subconscious patterns often lead FAs to pick emotionally unavailable or harmful partners, such as other FAs, dismissive avoidants, narcissists, or individuals struggling with substance abuse.

The Positive Traits of an FA

Despite their challenges, FAs possess incredible strengths, especially once they begin healing:
1. High Empathy:
• Their ability to deeply understand and feel for others allows them to create profound connections.
• Dr. Hensley cautions FAs to establish boundaries around their empathy to avoid co-dependency or self-abandonment.
2. High Emotional Intelligence (EQ):
• FAs are often exceptional in careers requiring deep emotional awareness and social skills, such as sales, law, or politics.
3. Depth and Connection:
• As deep feelers, healed FAs can foster rich, meaningful relationships that are both emotionally fulfilling and long-lasting.

Final Thoughts

Dr. Hensley concludes the episode by emphasizing that while FAs are complex and deeply wounded, their capacity for growth and transformation is unparalleled. They are true fighters, with a grit that comes only from thier deep feelings and high emotional IQ's. With healing and self-awareness, FAs can become some of the most empathetic, emotionally intelligent, and loving partners.

“Fearful Avoidants,” Dr. Hensley says, “are proof that beauty can emerge from brokenness. Their complexity is what makes them truly special.”

Tune in to hear more about how FAs can harness their strengths, heal their wounds, and build secure, lasting connections.

Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media. 

PROMO CODE FOR OUR LISTNERS: Use LOVEDOC27 to receive 27% off any of Dr. Hensley's courses or her Hybrid Group Coaching Program. 

Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/

Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/

Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout

Tik-Tok: @drsarahhensley

Instagram: @the_dating_decoder

Facebook: The Dating Decoder

Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--6390558/support.

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC. 

Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.

Episode 34: "Accountability"

In this episode of The Love Doc Podcast, Dr. Hensley dives deep into the concept of accountability, exploring what it means, what it looks like, and why it is essential for the success of all relationships. Dr. Hensley highlights that lack of accountability is at the root of most relationship issues, emphasizing that true accountability involves both a statement of acknowledgment and actionable change.

Why Is Accountability So Difficult?

Dr. Hensley explains that the core barrier to accountability is shame. Criticism is hard for anyone to hear, especially when it comes from someone they love. Yet, taking responsibility for how our actions impact others is vital for relational growth.

She explores how accountability challenges manifest across attachment styles:
• Fearful Avoidants: Often struggle due to complex trauma and high levels of shame, leading them to become defensive before accepting responsibility.
• Anxious Preoccupied: Tend to take too much accountability, often self-abandoning or apologizing without understanding what they’re apologizing for, in an effort to avoid conflict.
• Dismissive Avoidants: The least likely to take accountability due to low emotional intelligence, making it hard for them to see their role in relational issues.

The Role of Accountability in Conflict Repair

Dr. Hensley delves into how resentment builds when neither party takes accountability, stressing that acknowledgment and action are the foundations for repairing conflict. This applies not just to romantic relationships but also to friendships and parent-child dynamics.

She clarifies that accountability doesn’t mean sacrificing your own beliefs or boundaries—it’s about recognizing how your actions may hurt someone else and taking responsibility, even if the same behavior wouldn’t affect you in the same way.

Accountability as a Two-Way Street

Towards the end of the episode, Dr. Hensley addresses common objections people have when confronted with accountability, such as:
• “But what about their behavior?”
• “My partner is so unreasonable.”
• “I never hear ‘I’m sorry.’”

While grace is essential in relationships, Dr. Hensley challenges listeners to reflect on why they continue to accept hurtful behaviors. Ultimately, accountability is a two-way street—it’s about both taking responsibility for your actions and holding yourself accountable for staying in relationships that don’t meet your needs.

Key Takeaway: Accountability is the hallmark of emotional resilience and maturity, and it’s fundamental for conflict repair and relationship success.

Tune in for this powerful episode and learn how to cultivate accountability to strengthen your relationships and honor yourself.

Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media. 

PROMO CODE FOR OUR LISTNERS: Use LOVEDOC27 to receive 27% off any of Dr. Hensley's courses or her Hybrid Group Coaching Program. 

Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/

Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/

Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout

Tik-Tok: @drsarahhensley

Instagram: @the_dating_decoder

Facebook: The Dating Decoder

Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--6390558/support.

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC. 

Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.

Episode 33: The Dismissive Avoidant

In this episode of The Love Doc Podcast, Dr. Hensley dives deep into the attachment style that many find both fascinating and frustrating—the dismissive avoidant (DA). While the DA is often seen as the most perplexing of the insecure attachment styles, Dr. Hensley explains that their behaviors are actually the most predictable.

The episode begins with an exploration of two common childhood experiences that shape the dismissive avoidant attachment style. Many DAs report having a “good” childhood—parents who stayed married and supported instrumental needs like attending events. However, upon closer examination, it becomes clear there was little to no emotional support. From a young age, DAs learned that suppressing emotions kept them safe, as big emotions were unwelcome or even punished.

Dr. Hensley then explains the infamous 4-6 month “bait and switch” often seen in DA relationships. In the early stages, they appear open and even vulnerable, but as the relationship deepens, they start to deactivate. These deactivation behaviors—feeling smothered, doubting the relationship, or fearing a loss of independence—are often unconscious yet highly predictable.

The discussion moves to the DA’s core wound: defectiveness. Growing up, their emotions were invalidated, leading them to believe they were inherently flawed. In adult relationships, when their partner expresses intense emotions, the DA subconsciously feels responsible, thinking, “I must be bad if I made you feel this way.” Unfortunately, they lack the capacity to hold space for those feelings, perpetuating the cycle of disconnection.

Dr. Hensley also tackles the topic of sex and intimacy in DA relationships. For some, sex feels like another expectation they’re unable to fulfill emotionally or physically. Others use sex as a way to meet their limited need for emotional and physical connection.

A key highlight of the episode is Dr. Hensley’s explanation of the DA’s trauma responses, particularly their tendency to live in a state of functional freeze. They’re either “on,” constantly busy with tasks to avoid emotions, or “off,” dissociating from the important things in their lives.

Midway through, Dr. Hensley addresses a small subset of DAs who experience severe trauma within the first five years of life. In these cases, the brain shuts down to protect itself, resulting in even deeper emotional challenges, through disconnection, later in life.

The episode concludes with a path to healing for both DAs and their partners. Dr. Hensley provides actionable strategies for recognizing DA patterns in the dating phase and practical interventions for those in long-term relationships or marriages. Through her programs, she has witnessed countless transformations, with DAs finding genuine connection and their formerly anxious partners moving toward secure attachment.

Additional topics include:
• Why DAs are the attachment style most likely to cheat.
• The motivations behind a DA’s decision to heal.
• How the tools and strategies in Dr. Hensley’s coaching program enable true healing for DAs and their partners.

This episode offers hope, clarity, and a practical roadmap for navigating relationships with dismissive avoidants and fostering secure attachment.

Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media. 

PROMO CODE FOR OUR LISTNERS: Use LOVEDOC27 to receive 27% off any of Dr. Hensley's courses or her Hybrid Group Coaching Program. 

Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/

Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/

Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout

Tik-Tok: @drsarahhensley

Instagram: @the_dating_decoder

Facebook: The Dating Decoder

Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--6390558/support.

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC. 

Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.

Episode 32: Live Coaching Session with Rozerin

In this groundbreaking episode of The Love Doc Podcast, Dr. Sarah invites listeners into her virtual coaching room for the first-ever live adult attachment interview with special guest Rozerin. A graduate of Dr. Sarah’s hybrid group coaching program, Rozerin had long dreamed of experiencing a one-on-one assessment. Dr. Sarah opens this session to the public, giving listeners a firsthand look at the depth, insight, and transformation these sessions provide.

Topics Explored in the Interview

Dr. Sarah guides Rozerin through a detailed exploration of four key areas:
1. Childhood Experiences
• Rozerin shares her upbringing, reflecting on trauma-related events, the dynamics between her parents, and how her caregivers influenced her ability to emotionally regulate as a child.
2. Previous Romantic Relationships
• The session delves into Rozerin’s two or three most significant relationships, unpacking their core challenges and the reasons they ended, and/or if she is currently still in any of them.
3. Emotional Vulnerability
• Rozerin examines her capacity to share her deepest thoughts, feelings, and fears with her partner, discussing the ease or difficulty of achieving emotional intimacy.
4. Conflict Behaviors
• The discussion covers the ways she and her partner respond to conflict, including levels of emotional reactivity, resolution strategies, and patterns that emerge during disagreements.

Attachment Style Analysis

Following the interview, Dr. Sarah determines that both Rozerin and her partner are fearful avoidants, with Rozerin leaning more anxious and her boyfriend more dismissive. Dr. Sarah provides an in-depth explanation of how fearful avoidant attachment is formed, highlighting the core wounds of betrayal and abandonment. She connects these wounds to Rozerin’s childhood experiences and illustrates how they manifest in her current relationship dynamics.

Exploring Healing Goals

Acknowledging that healing is an ongoing journey, Dr. Sarah asks Rozerin to identify areas where she still feels gaps in her progress. Rozerin admits to struggling with a negative bias toward her partner, often assuming the worst-case scenario in their interactions. However, she shares that the tools and strategies from Dr. Sarah’s group program have significantly improved her mindset, leading to increased happiness, positivity, and reduced anxiety.

Concrete Tools for Overcoming Negative Bias

Dr. Sarah closes the session with actionable interventions to help Rozerin stop negative biases in their tracks. She emphasizes the importance of catching and correcting old patterns, a hallmark of secure attachment, and equips Rozerin with practical tools to continue her healing journey.

This powerful episode offers deep insights into attachment theory, personal growth, and the transformative potential of Dr. Sarah’s coaching methods. Tune in for a raw, real, and inspirational look at Dr. Hensley's healing process in action.

Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media. 

PROMO CODE FOR OUR LISTNERS: Use LOVEDOC27 to receive 27% off any of Dr. Hensley's courses or one of her Hybrid Group Coaching Programs. 

Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/

Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/

Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout

Tik-Tok: @drsarahhensley

Instagram: @the_dating_decoder

Facebook: The Dating Decoder

Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--6390558/support.

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC. 

Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.

Episode 31: Forgiving the Unforgivable

In this deeply moving episode of The Love Doc Podcast, Dr. Sarah tackles the profound challenge of forgiving the unforgivable. She explains why forgiveness is vital for personal healing—even when there’s no apology—and how forgiveness is ultimately for your benefit, not for the person or situation that caused harm.

Dr. Sarah begins by discussing the hope and transformation that true forgiveness can bring, clarifying that forgiveness doesn’t mean becoming boundaryless. Instead, it’s about releasing bitterness and resentment while maintaining respect for your own needs.

She delves into the connection between forgiveness and attachment patterns, highlighting two common toxic responses: those who avoid forgiveness by leaving abruptly and those who stay in harmful situations due to anxiety. Dr. Sarah explores how bitterness often stems from a fear of being hurt again and acts as a shield that ultimately blocks healing.

Drawing on research, she connects bitterness and unforgiveness to chronic illness, linking these emotions to an increased risk of stroke, heart attack, and even cancer. Dr. Sarah also reflects on her own experience with forgiveness after the death of her ex-husband, crediting her faith in God for helping her release anger and find peace.

Midway through, Dr. Sarah explains how unforgiveness keeps us trapped in trauma responses and prevents nervous system regulation. She emphasizes that self-forgiveness is essential for true healing, describing the importance of “catch and correct” as a strategy for maintaining attachment security.

The episode concludes with Dr. Sarah and Raina sharing personal reflections, including acknowledging positive qualities in their exes and taking accountability for their own past behaviors. They remind listeners that forgiveness isn’t about excusing others—it’s about freeing yourself.
Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media. 

PROMO CODE FOR OUR LISTNERS: Use LOVEDOC27 to receive 27% off any of Dr. Hensley's courses or one of her Hybrid Group Coaching Programs. 

Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/

Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/

Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout

Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder

Instagram: @the_dating_decoder

Facebook: The Dating DecoderYoutube: @Dr.SarahHensley

What is covered:

·What is true forgiveness.

.The role forgiveness plays in our healing journeys. 

·The toxic patterns of unforgiveness. 

·The connection between chronic illness and unforgiveness.   

.How unforgiveness keeps us in a state of nervous system dysregulation. 

.The spiritual and psychological avenues to forgiveness. 
                                                                               
Consider/Ask Yourself:

·Am I holding onto resentment and bitterness within my relationship?

.How can I seek more forgiveness with those that have hurt me?

·Am I exhibiting toxic behaviors associated with unforgiveness? 

.What resources can I seek out both spiritually and psychologically as a way to work on forgiveness?


Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--6390558/support.