UNDERSTANDABLE

By Robert Siegers

► Hi, my name is Robert! For a long time, I wondered why relationships felt so much harder for me than for others.

Over the past years, I had the privilege of spending thousands of dollars and countle... more

4.7

33 ratings

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FAQs about UNDERSTANDABLE:

How many episodes does UNDERSTANDABLE have?

The podcast currently has 544 episodes available.

UNDERSTANDABLE episodes:

September 13, 2026 THIS Is What Avoidants Do When They're Afraid of Losing You
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)

Welcome to today's episode! In this video I talk about what avoidants do when they're afraid of losing you. I also unpack the hidden link behind their fear of commitment and their fear of losing you...

► Links and Resources:
Deactivation Strategides Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fi-wUf36e9k&t=1s
Why Avoidants Always Come Back Video: https://youtu.be/YfiJsB7XXx8

► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!
YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠
Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6
Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905
Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠

► Episode Timestamps:
00:00 Introduction
02:15 A Note to Hurt Partners
03:50 Before the Relationship
09:59 The Chase
11:46 The Moment of Commitment
16:00 When Conflict Arrives
20:34 The Breakup and Relief
22:15 When They Are Finally Afraid of Losing You
26:05 When They Come Back

► Reach Out To Me :)
E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.
I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
...more
32min
September 12, 2026 To Anyone Who's Loving or Leaving an Avoidant…
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)

Welcome to today's episode! This one is a very personal one for me. It's a message for everyone who's loving or leaving an avoidant.

► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!
YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠
Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6
Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905
Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠

► Episode Timestamps:
00:00 To Anyone Loving or Leaving an Avoidant...
02:01 Confusion
03:55 The Truth About Them
06:52 A Way Out of the Dark
07:20 1. Coming Home to Yourself
09:40 2. Taking Yourself Back
11:13 3. Becoming Unshakable
12:50 4. Rising & Refocusing
15:24 5. Attracting Secure Love
16:10 6. Love Without Losing Yourself
17:41 The Next Step

► Reach Out To Me :)
E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.
I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
...more
19min
September 11, 2026 5 Things Never to Say to an Avoidant on the Phone (They'll Shut Down)
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)

Welcome to today's episode! In today's video I talk about the 5 biggest mistakes to avoid when you're calling an avoidant on the phone.

► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!
YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠
Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6
Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905
Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠

► Episode Timestamps:
00:00 Intro
00:47 Why Avoidants Panic When You Call Them
02:48 1) Not Texting First
04:20 2) Being Dysregulated Yourself
05:45 3) Calling Them When They're Dysregulated
06:50 4) Calling Repeatedly
09:25 5) Resolving Conflict on the Phone

► Reach Out To Me :)
E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.
I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
...more
13min
September 09, 2026 THIS Is the Exact Moment an Avoidant Decides to Discard You
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)

Welcome to today's episode! In today's video I describe the exact moment an avoidant decides to discard you in brutally honest detail.

► Links and Resources:
10 Stages That Lead to Avoidant Discard Video: https://youtu.be/ZWpTLj1E2No
Deactivation Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fi-wUf36e9k&t=1s

► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!
YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠
Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6
Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905
Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠

► Episode Timestamps:
00:00 Introduction
01:26 The Discard Building Up
05:12 The First Trigger
08:07 Preparation of the Discard
13:03 Exact Moment They Decide to Discard
15:50 Hidden Moment They Decide to Discard

► Reach Out To Me :)
E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.
I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
...more
21min
September 06, 2026 The 10 Stages That Lead to an Avoidant Discarding You (What to Do at Each One)
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)

Welcome to today's episode! In todays video I walk you through the 10 stages that end in avoidant discarding you. I also share ideas what you can do best at each stage.

► Links and Resources:
Hypervigilance Video: https://youtu.be/Mhoa6_53StI?si=FZmzMIm8IK0rc3_U
Deactivation Video: https://youtu.be/fi-wUf36e9k?si=9FO4GoQZNRwxq2Eo
Rock Bottom Moment Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkVmvMkZUI4&t=79s
Rebound Relationship Video: https://youtu.be/QrhTOoAai_M?si=9ThJxF-atsfPgkYu

► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!
YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠
Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6
Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905
Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠

► Episode Timestamps:
00:00 Introduction
02:05 Stage 0: Childhood Core Wounds
03:43 Stage 1: Thirsty for Love
05:38 Stage 2: First Contact
08:05 Stage 3: Illusion & Fantasy
11:37 Stage 4: "Lovebombing"
14:34 Stage 5: First Triggers
16:44 Stage 6: Love & Panic
22:34 Stage 7: The Tipping Point
25:58 Stage 8: Sabotage & Deactivation
28:36 Stage 9: Collapse & Discard
33:33 Stage 10: Rebound or Recovery

► Reach Out To Me :)
E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.
I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
...more
38min
September 04, 2026 How to Respond When an Avoidant Comes Back (Turn Them Down the Right Way)
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)

Welcome to today's episode! In this video I share with you how to respond when an avoidant comes back.

► Links and Resources:
Why Avoidants Come Back Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4umBMT2pBpY&t=11s

► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!
YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠
Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6
Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905
Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠

► Episode Timestamps:
00:00 Introduction
04:08 The Power of Your Response
05:21 Processing the Breakup
06:28 Coming Home to Yourself
10:59 Step 1: Defining Relational Standards
14:34 Step 2: Reconnecting with Your Needs
17:42 Step 3: Refocussing on Yourself
21:48 How to Respond When an Avoidant Comes Back

► Reach Out To Me :)
E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.
I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
...more
29min
September 02, 2026 Surviving Avoidant Discard: What to Do in the First 8 Weeks
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)

Welcome to today's episode! In this video I make a deep dive into the first 8 weeks after the avoidant discard. I help you understand your reactions and the avoidants reactions and give ideas & approaches on how to move on and rise again.

► Links and Resources:
Why Avoidants Come Back Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4umBMT2pBpY&t=11s

► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!
YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠
Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6
Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905
Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠

► Episode Timestamps:
00:00 Introduction
02:06 Overview: The First 8 Weeks
03:14 Week 1: The Shock Phase
08:45 Week 2: The Grief Phase
12:50 Week 3: The Anger Phase
18:30 Week 4: Integrating Grief
24:15 Week 5: Real No Contact
27:21 Week 6: Their Return
32:10 Week 7: Setting Boundaries
35:00 Week 8: Start to Become Unshakable

► Reach Out To Me :)
E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.
I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
...more
39min
August 30, 2026 How to Get Over an Avoidant Ex (When They Keep Coming Back)
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)

Welcome to today's episode! In this video I share with you how to get over an avoidant ex, even if they keep coming back.

► Links and Resources:
Why Avoidants Always Come Back Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4umBMT2pBpY&t=11s&pp=0gcJCfkLAYcqIYzv
Trauma Bonds Video: https://youtu.be/J70RwIER2BQ?si=EZ72GHlFDCL7DoWy

► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!
YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠
Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6
Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905
Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠

► Episode Timestamps:
00:00 Introduction
03:35 When Avoidants Return
06:26 Phase 1
10:20 Phase 2
12:10 Phase 3
15:14 Phase 4
16:25 Phase 5
17:35 Phase 6

► Reach Out To Me :)
E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.
I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
...more
21min
August 28, 2026 What Avoidants Secretly Hope You Do When They Stonewall (Never Do It)
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)

Welcome to today's episode! In this video I share with you what avoidants secretly hope you do when they stonewall.

► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!
YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠
Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6
Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905
Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠

► Episode Timestamps:
00:00 Introduction
01:39 What Is Stonewalling?
02:48 Recognizing Stonewalling Behaviors
03:58 The Avoidant Perspective
05:29 Managing Conflict Effectively
07:40 What Avoidants Secretly Hope You Do
11:42 Mistakes to Avoid
15:39 Responding to Avoidant Stonewalling

► Reach Out To Me :)
E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.
I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
...more
21min
August 26, 2026 Why Your Avoidant Partner Stonewalls You (The Best Way to Respond)
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)

Welcome to today's episode! In this video I explain what avoidant stonewalling is and how to respond to it the right way.

► Links and Resources:
Avoidant Shutdown Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dprG1JtJxzc&t=5s
Dissociation Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UZsTUS_jlYg&t=7s

► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!
YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠
Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6
Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905
Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠

► Episode Timestamps:
00:00 Why Avoidants Stonewall
02:07 Defining Stonewalling
03:13 Examples of Stonewalling
07:12 The Stonewalling Cycle
13:00 How to Respond
19:37 Moving Forward

► Reach Out To Me :)
E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.
I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
...more
22min

FAQs about UNDERSTANDABLE:

How many episodes does UNDERSTANDABLE have?

The podcast currently has 544 episodes available.

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