UNDERSTANDABLE

► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)

Welcome to today's episode! In this video, I show you how to become the one an avoidant or unavailable partner is terrified to lose, not through games or mystery, but by actually becoming more secure. As a recovered avoidant, I explain why they pull away the more you chase, and why your own pattern keeps you hoping and self-abandoning, often rooted in childhood. Then I share the real approach: set a clear standard, build a life you do not need them for, find a purpose bigger than the relationship, and stay compassionate while setting firm boundaries. They stay or they do not, but either way you win, because you become more yourself.

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YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6

Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905

Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction

02:01 Why They Pull Away From You

04:46 Your Pattern: Why You Chase Them

08:35 Swap the Psychology

10:08 1: Set the Standard

14:10 2: Build a Life You Do Not Need Them For

16:15 3: Find a Purpose Bigger Than You

17:48 4: Be an Empathetic Listener

19:38 5: Set Boundaries

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)

Welcome to today's episode! In this video, I explain why breakups with an avoidant are so much harder to get over, and how to heal from one fast. As a recovered avoidant who later dated avoidants himself, I show why the connection feels so magnetic and soulmate-like: it is really two unhealed nervous systems pulling at each other. I share my own dating story, why you did nothing wrong, and the avoidant filter that keeps you from ending up there again. The core mechanism is hope: the hope that they will change has to die, because what they did says nothing about your worth. From there you rebuild a stronger sense of self.

► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!

YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠

Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6

Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905

Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction

01:07 Why the Connection Feels So Intense

04:08 Two Unhealed Nervous Systems

06:27 My Own Dating Story

09:35 It's Not Your Fault

12:44 The Thing That Keeps You Attached

15:53 How To Get Over a Breakup

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)

Welcome to today's episode! In this video, I explore a topic that rarely gets talked about openly: what happens when an avoidant partner starts to lose sexual desire and pulls away from intimacy. Drawing on my own experience as a recovered avoidant, I walk through why closeness feels like danger to an avoidant nervous system, and how that plays out in the bedroom across four stages, from the intense dating phase to the mechanical phase and finally the drought where sex disappears completely. Most importantly, I want you to understand that this is not about you or your attractiveness. It comes from an old childhood wound where intimacy was tied to pressure and responsibility. In the end I share what you can actually do to restore that connection: reducing the pressure so they stop feeling chased, learning to regulate your own nervous system, refocusing on your own life, and setting clear boundaries around what you are willing to tolerate.

► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!

YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠

Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6

Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905

Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction

02:08 Why Avoidants Fear Intimacy

06:12 Stage 0: The Dating Phase

08:13 Stage 1: The Rollercoaster

09:45 Stage 2: The Mechanical Phase

11:07 Stage 3: The Drought

13:20 What You Can Do

15:58 Reduce the Pressure

17:44 Shift the Focus Back to Yourself

19:41 Setting a Boundary

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)

Welcome to today's episode! In this video, I walk you through the six stages of panic that build inside an avoidant when you finally give up on the relationship. As a former avoidant, I explain what happens on their end at each stage, from the first triggers during the relationship, through your emotional cut and the breakup, to the moment they realize you are truly not coming back. I also share the three ways they tend to react, and what you can do at each point: stand up for your needs, cut the connection cleanly, and use the space to grow into a more secure version of yourself.

► Links and Resources:

Deactivation Strategies Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fi-wUf36e9k&t=1s

How to Respond When an Avoidant Comes Back Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mcmxaTqp6QY&t=1070s

► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!

YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠

Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6

Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905

Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction

01:08 Stage 0: During the Relationship

05:58 Stage 1: Before You Give Up

09:08 Stage 2: The Emotional Cut

11:08 Stage 3: The Breakup

12:24 Stage 4: After the Breakup

14:31 Stage 5: They Test the Waters

15:39 Stage 6: They Realize You Gave Up

16:41 Three Ways They React

18:58 Your Opportunity to Grow

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)

In this video, I get vulnerable and share what dating and daily relationship life actually look like for a recovering avoidant. I walk through my journey chronologically, from my very first therapy session, to dating again with the avoidant filter, to meeting my partner and pushing through the panic and pulling-away. I explain why insecure attachment is really trauma stored in the nervous system, so mindset alone cannot fix it, and how new relationship experiences reshape it. Today my partner and I both test secure, but some patterns still surface, and it comes down to communication.

► Links and Resources:

Rock Bottom Moment Video: https://youtu.be/NkVmvMkZUI4?si=7Riyf-5mpeqwgWgl

Adult Survivors of Childhood Trauma Paper: https://www1.racgp.org.au/getattachment/79710ca4-e98e-46aa-8f8f-d5f763ea8ef4/Adult-survivors-of-childhood-trauma.aspx

► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!

YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠

Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6

Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905

Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction

01:22 My First Therapy Session

10:27 Dating Again After Deciding to Change

12:58 The Avoidant Filter

15:18 Meeting My Partner

22:07 Panic and a Second Therapy

27:17 Insecure Attachment Is Trauma

30:28 Why Mindset Alone Is Not Enough

32:58 How It Feels Today

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)

Welcome to today's episode! In today's video I share with you what to say first when they return.

► Links and Resources:

Deactivation Strategies Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fi-wUf36e9k&t=1s

► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!

YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠

Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6

Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905

Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction

02:05 Why Avoidants Reject You

05:04 You Have the Power

06:08 Reaction 1: The Avoidant Response

08:38 Reaction 2: The Anxious Response

10:55 Reaction 3: The Secure Response

13:16 Step 1: Define Your Standards

14:17 Step 2: Reconnect With Yourself

15:43 Step 3: Rebuild Your Life

18:53 How to Respond When They Return

20:53 The One Question to Ask

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)Welcome to today's episode! In this video, I share the one core principle that lets you come back from no contact so strong that your avoidant ex will barely recognize you. I explain why you still hope they will change, and how that hope traces back to a childhood pattern where holding on gave you a sense of control. The hard but freeing truth is that this hope has to die, and that what they did says nothing about your worth. Then I walk through the steps: process the grief, come home to yourself, rebuild the other areas of your life, and reach the point where you give love instead of seeking it.► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps:00:00 Introduction01:08 How the Breakup Happened03:42 Why Hope Keeps You Attached08:02 The Foundation to Come Back Strong10:58 Practical Steps to Come Back Strong► Reach Out To Me :)E-Mail: [email protected]► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)

Welcome to today's episode! In this video, I walk you through the five stages of what happens during no contact, when both you and the person who pulled away stop reaching out. As a former avoidant, I explain how the whole power dynamic shifts: the avoidant, who always controlled closeness and distance, slowly becomes the one who feels something is missing, while you reconnect with yourself, rebuild your life, and become the secure one. In the end I show how to use that new power position, so you either move on to someone who treats you right or only take them back if they have truly changed.

► Links and Resources:

Avoidant Attachment Explained Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vs3gDlmS18&pp=0gcJCS8MAYcqIYzv

What a Relationship With an Avoidant Feels Like Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkVmvMkZUI4&t=79s

► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!

YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠

Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6

Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905

Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction

00:55 Who Controls the Relationship

05:37 The Decision to Go No Contact

06:42 Stage 1: Grief and Silence

09:07 Stage 2: Reconnecting With Yourself

12:05 Stage 3: Rebuilding Your Life

14:30 Stage 4: The Tables Turn

16:41 Stage 5: You Rise, They Return

18:22 How to Use Your New Power

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)

Welcome to today's episode! In this video I share with you from first hand experience as an avoidant myself what makes an avoidant chase you and obsessed with you.

► Links and Resources:

The Avoidant’s Idea of a Healthy Relationship Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6bFFqAAWobU&t=2274s

Deactivation Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fi-wUf36e9k&t=1s

My Rock Bottom Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkVmvMkZUI4&t=79s

► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!

YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠

Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6

Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905

Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction

01:24 Disclaimer: "Getting Your Ex Back"

05:40 The Gottman Question

07:33 #1: Understand Their Core Wounds

11:02 #2: Go Full No Contact

15:47 #3: Build a Life Without Them

19:12 #4: When They Come Back

20:39 The Power of Compassion

24:41 #5: What You Can Change

28:42 What You Should Never Accept

31:31 Summary

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)

Welcome to today's episode! In this video I explain from my perspective as a recovered, healed avoidant, why avoidants always come back to you.

► Links and Resources:

Limerence vs Love Video: https://youtu.be/mmNjDwdPwOA?si=5kwKwhP2ljk_ie8s

► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!

YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠

Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6

Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905

Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction

01:08 The Recovery Timeline

01:55 Group 1: The Unaware Avoidant

08:11 Group 2: Coming Back for Regulation

11:48 Group 3: They Come Back Because They Love You

18:26 While You Wait for Them

19:18 When They Come Back

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.