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Over the past 13 years, I ended five long-term relationships — all from my side.

But did these relationships really have to end like that? Or did I push myself — and the people I loved — into unnecessary suffering and heartbreak?

If you’re watching this right now, you might be in a similar place. Being in a relationship that feels overwhelming or Exhausting, asking yourself the same question: Could this relationship be saved… if I just understood the right things?

In this video, I’m sharing 11 things I deeply wish I had known about love and relationships before I walked away five times.

And this isn’t about telling you to stay or to leave. It’s about helping you pause — and see more clearly — before making a decision you can’t easily undo.

If you’re on the edge right now, this video might change how you see your relationship.

► Links and Resources:

You Can’t Change Them Video:

https://youtu.be/JUu4MkLvrK4?si=v_LlvgwYC6DfTuSI

Stop Conflict in Your Relationship:

https://youtu.be/dF2QYyxqJjM?si=-AbNzIXXBP85O91e ⁠

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Spotify: ⁠

⁠⁠⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6⁠⁠ ⁠

Apple Podcasts: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905⁠⁠ ⁠

Amazon Music:

⁠⁠⁠⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠⁠⁠ ⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Intro

01:37 Lesson 1: You’re Not Struggling Because “You Didn’t Meet The Perfect Partner Yet”

04:36 Lesson 2: Trying To Change Your Partner Is Already Part of The Problem

07:10 Lesson 3: Chemistry & Hobbies Won’t Save Your Relationship

09:43 Lesson 4: You Can’t “Win” A Fight

11:39 Lesson 5: A Challenging Partner Is A Good Partner

15:52 Lesson 6: Your Relationship Pain Is Trying To Tell You Something

19:37 Lesson 7: Most Relationships Don’t End Because “They’re Broken”

21:56 Lesson 8: It’s Often Not Your Partner, It’s Your Patterns

25:17 Lesson 9: But What If Your Values Were Built on Emotional Survival?

28:45 Lesson 10: Unconditional Love Isn’t How Adult Relationships Work

30:43 Lesson 11: Why You Will Choose The Wrong Person

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory.

My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

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Do you sometimes feel disappointed because your partner doesn’t just know how you feel?

You expect them to sense your mood, your needs, or what’s wrong, but without you saying a word. But when they don’t, it hurts… and creates pressure on both sides.

In this episode, we talk about why empathy is not mind-reading, how this expectation silently damages relationships, and what actually helps partners understand each other better.

► Links and Resources:

Why You Don’t Feel Seen Episode https://youtu.be/6g6IiIwnPWA?si=dzP-tm70BkvJGPLV

► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!

YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠⁠ ⁠

Spotify: ⁠

⁠⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6⁠ ⁠

Apple Podcasts: ⁠⁠⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905⁠ ⁠

Amazon Music:

⁠⁠⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠⁠ ⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Intro - The Invisible Test

02:08 Silent Expectations

05:58 Solutions: From Being Guessed To Being Known

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory.

My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Free Relationship Masterclass: https://understandable.net/masterclass (Ad)

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Why do you keep ruining great relationships?

Every. Single. Time.

The problem is not that you can’t find good people.

It’s that every time a relationship starts to feel good… something goes wrong.

You want a stable, long-term relationship.

But instead you find yourself in heartbreak, frustration and anger about yourself.

And the most confusing part is this:

it’s not the toxic relationships that fall apart.

It’s the ones that actually had potential, where you felt: this time, it’s different!

► Links and Resources:

Conflict Resolution Video:

https://youtu.be/PxiDnxXC2p8?si=g69xLC_ZXLgVRo4r

Avoidant Attachment Style Video:

https://youtu.be/V5Nn_XOHFX8

Relationship Anxiety Video:

https://youtu.be/rXscvYntSpY?si=gNSR9w1DpkVv7QTg

How I Overcame My Commitment Issues Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUECZtfGkEM

Trauma Bond Video:

https://youtu.be/J70RwIER2BQ?si=-Qxp_lwNVYMD9sgo

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Spotify: ⁠

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Apple Podcasts: ⁠⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905⁠

Amazon Music:

⁠⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Intro

01:19 Why You Keep Ruining Great Relationships

03:11 1. You’re Not Ready for a Real Relationship Yet

11:05 2. Closeness Feels Like a Trap (Avoidant Attachment)

16:19 3. Your Anxiety Runs the Relationship (Anxious Attachment)

20:51 4. Pain Was Your First Language of Connection

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory.

My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Start Our Premium Course Trial:

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Attraction is a beautiful thing. We all desire it.

We all want to feel pulled toward someone.

Attraction is often what brings people together in the first place.

It gives relationships energy.

Yet, there are moments, where attraction suddenly becomes… dangerous.

Maybe you’re already in a relationship.

Maybe you’ve built a life with someone toxic.

And yet there is this pull toward a person you'd be better off not being attracted to.

► Links and Resources:

Limerence Video: https://youtu.be/cZ344b-d7DA?si=zE93uPeP9YjIRcSW

Anxious Attachment Video: https://youtu.be/rXscvYntSpY?si=vTxyvwzQS-xfYEXZ

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Spotify: ⁠

https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6

Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905

Amazon Music:

⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Sirens and Sailors

02:20 Why We’re Hearing The Call

05:00 Solution: How To Not Fall For The Temptation

06:10 Final Thoughts

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory.

My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Start Our Premium Course Trial:

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► Download the Free Workbook full of Re-Regulation Resources & Writing techniques:

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Sometimes, there’s a wild dragon in our mind.

It makes our head turn small problems into something that feels threatening.

Creating a big disaster and making our thoughts catastrophizing.

The dragon can awaken at any time.

When we get triggered — by our partner, our boss, or even by ourselves — our calm state gets hijacked.

And suddenly, it feels like a fire-breathing dragon takes over our thoughts.

It twists how we see things.

It exaggerates danger.

And if we’re not careful, we don’t just have the dragon in our mind — we become it.

We say things we don’t mean.

We assume the worst.

We hurt other people — and ourselves — often without even realizing it.

► Links and Resources:

Negativity Bias Article: https://thedecisionlab.com/biases/negativity-bias

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YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠

Spotify: ⁠

https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6

Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905

Amazon Music:

⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 The Inner Dragon

04:25 Why The Dragon Exists

07:50 How To Tame The Dragon

10:46 Final Thoughts

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory.

My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Start Our Premium Course Trial:

⁠https://understandable.net/⁠ (Ad)

► Download the Free Workbook full of Re-Regulation Resources & Writing techniques:

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Why do intimate relationships always feel so emotionally overwhelming?

I’ve been wondering about that question ever since I started dating.

Somehow, relationships always felt more difficult for me than they seemed to be for other people.

Not for everyone, but there is definitely a group of people who doesn't understand my specific challenges with it.

► Links and Resources:

Regulation in Isolation Episode: https://youtu.be/PP9dvNWZ8p4?si=dCqQr20jMrTEE2RK

You Can’t Change Them Episode: https://youtu.be/JUu4MkLvrK4?si=AfBjjLIw7nAj8CDb

Sense of Self Article: https://www.healthline.com/health/sense-of-self

The Four Points of Balance: https://jamesmchristensen.com/blog/david-schnarchs-four-points-of-balance

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YouTube: ⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠⁠

Spotify: ⁠

⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6⁠

Apple Podcasts: ⁠⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905⁠

Amazon Music:

⁠⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Intro - Relationships Feel Emotionally Overwhelming

Relationships Feel Emotionally Overwhelming

03:39 Why Your Relationships Feel Emotionally Overwhelming

10:05 How To Feel Less Emotionally Overwhelmed In Relationships

11:19 The Four Points Of Balance

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory.

My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Start Our Premium Course Trial:

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://understandable.net/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠(Ad)

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Emotions are just states that constantly change. No emotional state stays forever. Also emotions are survivable. This is what my therapist always said. You are not the emotions, which are the clouds, you are the sky that’s always there, no matter which emotion arises.

► Links and Resources:

Polyvagal Theory Video:

https://youtu.be/2iT8Msp8Vx0

► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!

YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Spotify: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠

Apple Podcasts: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Amazon Music: ⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Intro - Inside the Emotional Storm

01:43 Why Is The Emotional Storm So Powerful?

03:59 Calming The Storm

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory.

My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Start Our Premium Course Trial:

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://understandable.net/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠(Ad)

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⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://understandable.net/book/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠(Ad)

Ladies & Gentlemen, welcome to today’s episode, where we talk about why avoidant partners stonewall,

what you can do if you feel you don’t feel heard and seen for the thousand’s time because they always go cold

And on the flipside, what avoidants can do if they find themselves constantly stonewalling during vulnerable conversions.

► Links and Resources:

Avoidant Attachment Style Video:

https://youtu.be/4vs3gDlmS18

Emotional Dysregulation Video:

https://youtu.be/Q0iGqa7y6BA

How to Resolve Relationship Conflict Like a Secure Person: https://youtu.be/PxiDnxXC2p8

Stonewalling Examples Reddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/coolguides/comments/1hw6a4a/a_cool_guide_on_stonewalling_and_how_to_deal_with/

The 4 Horsemen by Dr. John Gottman: https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/

Stonewalling, Grey Rocking & Narcissism: https://sherrygaba.com/navigating-relationships-with-narcissists-stonewalling-vs-gray-rocking/

Adult survivors of Childhood Trauma Paper: https://www1.racgp.org.au/getattachment/79710ca4-e98e-46aa-8f8f-d5f763ea8ef4/Adult-survivors-of-childhood-trauma.aspx ⁠⁠

► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!

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Spotify: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠

Apple Podcasts: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Amazon Music: ⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Intro

00:47 What Is Stonewalling?

03:21 Why Stonewalling Hurts Our Relationship

05:06 Stonewalling Vs. Grey Rocking

07:48 Stonewalling And Avoidant Attachment

09:28 The Stonewalling Cycle

13:55 Stonewalling And The Nervous System

16:30 The Hidden Psychology Behind Stonewalling

18:48 How To Deal With Stonewalling Like A Secure Person

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory.

My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Start Our Premium Course Trial:

https://understandable.net/ (Ad)

► Download the Free Workbook full of Re-Regulation Resources & Writing techniques:

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Some of the things you call red flags might actually be the healthiest signs you’ve ever seen.

If you grew up in a difficult environment where these following greenflags were not familiar or even dangerous, that’s not surprising.

Because when chaos was normal, when you got hurt, safety can feel wrong.

Calm feels boring. Consistency suspicious. And closeness can feel dangerous.

► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!

YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠

Spotify: ⁠

https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6

Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905

Amazon Music:

⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 7 Dating Red Flags, That Are Actually Green

00:33 1. They Don’t Always Respond Right Away

02:40 2. They’re Not Very Active on Social Media

04:12 3. They Have Close Friends of the Opposite Sex

05:59 4. They Value Their Own Space and Independence

07:50 5. They Say What They Think Directly

09:48 6. They’re Genuine, Not Constantly Charismatic

11:38 7. They Don’t Always Make You Feel Comfortable

13:37 From Red To Green

16:00 Final Thoughts

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory.

My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Start Our Premium Course Trial:

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Ladies & Gentlemen, welcome to today’s episode, where we talk about 7 Trauma-Driven Green Flags, That Are Actually Red

You might think you’ve found the one — they’re kind, attentive, emotionally open… But what if those ‘green flags’ are actually coming from unresolved trauma?

Therefore today, I’ll walk you through 7 behaviors that look like emotional maturity or even love but are secretly warning signs rooted in anxious attachment, fawning, codependency, or toxic shame.

If you’re someone healing from CPTSD, this might just change how you see "healthy" relationships forever.

► Links and Resources:

The Secret To STOP Fighting in Your Relationships:

https://youtu.be/dF2QYyxqJjM

Spiritual Bypassing:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spiritual_bypass ⁠

► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!

YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Spotify: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠

Apple Podcasts: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠

Amazon Music: ⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Intro

01:11 Flag 1: They Always Want To Be With You

05:46 Flag 2: They Never Get Mad At You

12:10 Flag 3: They Open Up About Everything On The First Date

16:42 Flag 4: They Always Put You First

19:00 Flag 5: They See You As Their Entire World

21:39 Flag 6: They Communicate So Well During Conflict, But Nothing Ever Changes

25:22 Flag 7: They’re Obsessed With “Healing”

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory.

My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.