UNDERSTANDABLE

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Welcome to today's episode! In this video I explain in brutally honest detail how losing you really feels to an actual avoidant.

► Links and Resources:

The Moment They're Afraid of Losing You Video: https://youtu.be/uVcVsS6UZvY

My Rock Bottom Video: https://youtu.be/NkVmvMkZUI4?si=89L0sNvEjEGS0tZO

Limerence vs Real Love Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmNjDwdPwOA&t=2s

Shadow Work Video: https://youtu.be/xPSEl9sOd9I?si=qLGm14wMSPoCOPC1

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Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6

Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905

Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction

03:21 How Losing You Feels to an Avoidant

04:38 When The Longing Comes Back

05:38 Panic and Rock Bottom

06:44 Crawling Back During No Contact

08:11 What They Actually Lose: The Illusion

12:53 Your Perspective as a Partner

15:50 What You Can Do

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)

Welcome to today's episode! In this video I talk about what eventually happens to an avoidant who refuses to heal.

► Links and Resources:

Adult Survivors of Childhood Trauma Paper: https://www1.racgp.org.au/getattachment/79710ca4-e98e-46aa-8f8f-d5f763ea8ef4/Adult-survivors-of-childhood-trauma.aspx

P*rn Addiction Video: https://youtu.be/zNfV-U7lxkg

My Rock Bottom Moment Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkVmvMkZUI4&t=79s&pp=0gcJCRsMAYcqIYzv

► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!

YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠

Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6

Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905

Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction to Avoidance

01:01 Why Avoidance Works

04:27 Personal Patterns and Breakups

12:30 Decreasing Effectiveness

20:13 The Avoidant Midlife Crisis

25:15 Hitting Rock Bottom

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)

Welcome to today's episode! Today's one is a quite shame laden episode. We talk about the dark link between avoidant attachment and p*rn addiction.

► Links and Resources:

Deactivation Strategies Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fi-wUf36e9k&t=1s

Sexual compulsion Paper: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4394850/

Attachment Insecurity & Problematic Porn Use Paper: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/38898361/

► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!

YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠

Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6

Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905

Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction

01:30 Avoidant Roots

04:45 The Dating Phase

07:05 Rollercoaster Phase (P0rn Consumption Begins)

14:00 Drought Period (P0rn Addiciton Implements)

16:00 Summary

18:00 What You Can Do

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)

Welcome to today's episode! In this video I talk about what avoidants do when they're afraid of losing you. I also unpack the hidden link behind their fear of commitment and their fear of losing you...

► Links and Resources:

Deactivation Strategides Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fi-wUf36e9k&t=1s

Why Avoidants Always Come Back Video: https://youtu.be/YfiJsB7XXx8

► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!

YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠

Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6

Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905

Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction

02:15 A Note to Hurt Partners

03:50 Before the Relationship

09:59 The Chase

11:46 The Moment of Commitment

16:00 When Conflict Arrives

20:34 The Breakup and Relief

22:15 When They Are Finally Afraid of Losing You

26:05 When They Come Back

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)

Welcome to today's episode! This one is a very personal one for me. It's a message for everyone who's loving or leaving an avoidant.

► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!

YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠

Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6

Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905

Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 To Anyone Loving or Leaving an Avoidant...

02:01 Confusion

03:55 The Truth About Them

06:52 A Way Out of the Dark

07:20 1. Coming Home to Yourself

09:40 2. Taking Yourself Back

11:13 3. Becoming Unshakable

12:50 4. Rising & Refocusing

15:24 5. Attracting Secure Love

16:10 6. Love Without Losing Yourself

17:41 The Next Step

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)

Welcome to today's episode! In today's video I talk about the 5 biggest mistakes to avoid when you're calling an avoidant on the phone.

► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!

YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠

Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6

Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905

Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Intro

00:47 Why Avoidants Panic When You Call Them

02:48 1) Not Texting First

04:20 2) Being Dysregulated Yourself

05:45 3) Calling Them When They're Dysregulated

06:50 4) Calling Repeatedly

09:25 5) Resolving Conflict on the Phone

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)

Welcome to today's episode! In today's video I describe the exact moment an avoidant decides to discard you in brutally honest detail.

► Links and Resources:

10 Stages That Lead to Avoidant Discard Video: https://youtu.be/ZWpTLj1E2No

Deactivation Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fi-wUf36e9k&t=1s

► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!

YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠

Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6

Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905

Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction

01:26 The Discard Building Up

05:12 The First Trigger

08:07 Preparation of the Discard

13:03 Exact Moment They Decide to Discard

15:50 Hidden Moment They Decide to Discard

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)

Welcome to today's episode! In todays video I walk you through the 10 stages that end in avoidant discarding you. I also share ideas what you can do best at each stage.

► Links and Resources:

Hypervigilance Video: https://youtu.be/Mhoa6_53StI?si=FZmzMIm8IK0rc3_U

Deactivation Video: https://youtu.be/fi-wUf36e9k?si=9FO4GoQZNRwxq2Eo

Rock Bottom Moment Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkVmvMkZUI4&t=79s

Rebound Relationship Video: https://youtu.be/QrhTOoAai_M?si=9ThJxF-atsfPgkYu

► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!

YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠

Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6

Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905

Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction

02:05 Stage 0: Childhood Core Wounds

03:43 Stage 1: Thirsty for Love

05:38 Stage 2: First Contact

08:05 Stage 3: Illusion & Fantasy

11:37 Stage 4: "Lovebombing"

14:34 Stage 5: First Triggers

16:44 Stage 6: Love & Panic

22:34 Stage 7: The Tipping Point

25:58 Stage 8: Sabotage & Deactivation

28:36 Stage 9: Collapse & Discard

33:33 Stage 10: Rebound or Recovery

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)

Welcome to today's episode! In this video I share with you how to respond when an avoidant comes back.

► Links and Resources:

Why Avoidants Come Back Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4umBMT2pBpY&t=11s

► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!

YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠

Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6

Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905

Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction

04:08 The Power of Your Response

05:21 Processing the Breakup

06:28 Coming Home to Yourself

10:59 Step 1: Defining Relational Standards

14:34 Step 2: Reconnecting with Your Needs

17:42 Step 3: Refocussing on Yourself

21:48 How to Respond When an Avoidant Comes Back

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)

Welcome to today's episode! In this video I make a deep dive into the first 8 weeks after the avoidant discard. I help you understand your reactions and the avoidants reactions and give ideas & approaches on how to move on and rise again.

► Links and Resources:

Why Avoidants Come Back Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4umBMT2pBpY&t=11s

► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!

YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠

Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6

Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905

Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction

02:06 Overview: The First 8 Weeks

03:14 Week 1: The Shock Phase

08:45 Week 2: The Grief Phase

12:50 Week 3: The Anger Phase

18:30 Week 4: Integrating Grief

24:15 Week 5: Real No Contact

27:21 Week 6: Their Return

32:10 Week 7: Setting Boundaries

35:00 Week 8: Start to Become Unshakable

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.