UNDERSTANDABLE

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Welcome to today's episode! This one is a personal one. I talk about why avoidants suddenly shut down and go cold. How does it feel like? Why there is no other option left? This one may be truly eye opening. ;-)

► Links and Resources:

Polyvagal Theory Video: https://youtu.be/2iT8Msp8Vx0?si=94Sh2XeLyY0nFp9P

Gerald Hüther: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gerald_H%C3%BCther

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► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Understanding Avoidant Shutdown

02:30 The Shutdown Experience from the Inside

07:32 Roots of the Shutdown

10:12 The Three Closed Doors

17:48 Shame and Nervous System

18:43 How Avoidants Can Change

20:25 Supporting Your Partner

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

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Welcome to today's episode! In this video I talk about why the initiator of a breakup always comes back and when reconnection makes sense.

► Links and Resources:Limerence Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmNjDwdPwOA&t=2s

► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Why Exes Return

01:58 1. Insecurely Attached Breakup Initiators

03:50 2. Needy Exes

07:42 3. Self-Aware Breakup Initiators

10:01 Don't Fix Them

12:15 Evaluating Their Intentions

13:25 Building Self-Worth

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

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Welcome to today's episode! In this video I share with brutal honesty, what avoidant would say in a dating phase or relationship, if they were actually honest.

► Links and Resources:

The Moment I Decided to Change Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkVmvMkZUI4&t=1s

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Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905

Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction to Avoidant Honesty

01:46 Understanding the Avoidant Mind

02:25 The Dating Phase Illusion

06:05 Relationship Conflict and Avoidance

08:30 The Breakup and Regret Cycle

15:10 Hitting Rock Bottom

19:52 Ideas for Partners

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)Welcome to today's episode! In this video I get vulnerable and share with you how avoidant attachment shows up in the bedroom.► Links and Resources:Avoidant Attachment Darkest Coping Mechanism Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLyK-Yi1QpE► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps:00:00 Introduction02:38 Childhood Origins06:08 The Dating Phase07:14 The Rollercoaster Phase09:44 The Mechanical Phase13:03 The Drought Period16:02 Solutions and Healing20:03 Setting Boundaries► Reach Out To Me :)E-Mail: [email protected]► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

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Welcome to today's episode! In this video I present the full timeline to you, the avoidant goes through when you dump them. But I also present another timeline...

► Links and Resources:

Why They Lose Feelings Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHOxRnU4pEU&t=3s

No Contact Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A9xqR6zfBIk&t=13s

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YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠

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Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905

Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction

02:21 Stage 0: Pre-Breakup Dynamics

06:28 Stage 1: Initial Breakup Shock

09:59 Stage 2: Denial and Anger

12:27 Stage 3: Recovery and Reflection

15:27 Stage 4: Loneliness and Regret

18:03 Stage 5: The Crawl Back

19:35 Moving Toward Security

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)

Welcome to today's episode! In this video I share with you what happens when YOU dump an avoidant first.

► Links and Resources:

Why Avoidants Lose Feelings Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHOxRnU4pEU&t=3s

► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!

YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠

Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6

Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905

Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction

01:56 The Avoidant Mindset

05:02 1. Unaware Avoidant Reaction

09:18 2. The Mixed Reaction

14:05 3. Shock and Fear

17:15 Evaluating Potential

18:17 Your Perspective

22:23 Building Self-Worth

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

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Welcome to today's episode! Today I talk about the avoidant's idea of a healthy relationship.

► Links and Resources:

Complex Trauma, Complex Needs Paper: https://www1.racgp.org.au/getattachment/79710ca4-e98e-46aa-8f8f-d5f763ea8ef4/Adult-survivors-of-childhood-trauma.aspx

Why Avoidants Have No Clue What They Need and Feel: https://youtu.be/YoerBrHSdUI?si=8_lsOdJd_bPAM7e7

Overcompensation Through Missing Puzzle Piece Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7kGDhim-YlY

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Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905

Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction

03:11 The Role of Needs

06:55 Core Affected Needs

13:50 Expressing Emotional Needs

19:20 Seeking Support and Acceptance

29:10 The Need for Consistency

33:30 Avoidant Identity, Values and Core Beliefs

47:18 Practical Relationship Advice

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Build stable, secure relationships without the push and pull: https://understandable.net (ad)

Welcome to today's episode! In this video I share 5 early signs of healing from my own therapy-journey with you.

► Links and Resources:

This Makes Avoidants Actually Stay Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkVmvMkZUI4&t=1s

Catastrophic Dragon Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_lwt0bcXGA

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YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠

Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6

Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905

Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction

02:26 Sign 1: Panic Is Gone

06:55 Sign 2: Trusting the Future

09:27 Sign 3: Questioning Inner Beliefs

13:59 Sign 4: Sharing Vulnerable Needs

17:32 Sign 5: Overcoming Defiance

22:59 Conclusion

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)Welcome to today's episode! In this video I reveal the full timeline of how an avoidant or emotionally unavailable ex comes back.► Links and Resources:The Moment I Decided to Change Video: https://youtu.be/NkVmvMkZUI4?si=M2H195oaNQWTkl9e ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps:00:00 Introduction

02:33 Stage 0: Why They Leave

10:12 Stage 1: No Contact

14:14 Stage 2: Reconnection

17:18 Stage 3: Dating Again

19:56 Stage 4: The Decision

24:08 Building Self-Worth► Reach Out To Me :)E-Mail: [email protected]► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Build secure relationships, without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)

Welcome to today's episode! In this video I explain how to respond when an avoidant comes back after rejection, after a breakup or after no contact.

► Links and Resources:

Why Avoidants Come Back Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4umBMT2pBpY&t=10s

► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!

YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠

Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6

Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905

Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠

► Episode Timestamps:

00:00 Intro

03:30 Why Avoidants Return

11:54 Ask This One Question

16:15 Breaking the Chasing Pattern

26:34 Developing a Solid Self

30:41 The Dragon Metaphor

36:05 Setting Healthy Boundaries

40:40 Conclusion and Resources

► Reach Out To Me :)

E-Mail: [email protected]

► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.

I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.