Dating, Relationships, and Disability

One of my overarching career goals is that people with disabilities (PWD) are seen more potential dating and relationship partners. What does this mean? For the Dating Relationships Disability (DRD) work I do, there’s the micro goal of the work I do with PWD to help them become more confident in dating and relationships, but then there’s the macro goal of changing the HEARTS (notice I didn’t say minds) of society so there is acceptance of the potential that PWD have to be dating and relationship partners.

Opening Your Own Mind 

• If we want others to open their hearts to us as dating and relationships partners, we have to begin by opening our own damn minds to that thought.
• We can’t expect others to believe what we don’t believe for ourselves.
• Invitation to consider what beliefs are holding you back from this.
  • Who would want to be with me?
  • I’m not attractive.
  • It’s too hard to be with me.

Then Work on Their Hearts

• Once you can begin to open your mind - you don’t need to believe all the way - you can then work on changing hearts.
• While we of course want to change people’s thinking, we ultimately want people to open their hearts to us.
• When the heart is open, when they call see ALL of us - person and disability - then they can begin to love us, which is the basis for an intimate partnership.

 Where Do We Go From Here?

• You’ll hear me compare sexual ableism (see Episode 2) a lot to racism on here because I think the comparison is very tangible for us who see racism as flawed way of thinking.
• When you’re a member of a race that is marginalized, you don’t think “Oh yeah, they’re right, I am inferior to them.” Rather, you may believe to your core in your equality and be mystified and angry why people treat you otherwise.
• The way to begin to transform sexual ableism is to hold that vision of how we want things to be - we want to be viewed as potential dating and relationship partners.

Resources

• Podcast Survey
• Free download - Rising Above Sexual Ableism

Credits

Music by: https://www.purple-planet.com "Successful Motivation"
Artwork photo by Elevate

Check out our Dating Memberships:

Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more.

Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.

Music by Successful Motivation |
Artwork photo by Elevate

Just what is Sexual Ableism and why should I care about it?

Definition and Examples

• What is it - Sexual ableism is a system of beliefs that beliefs that discriminate against people with disabilities in dating, intimacy, and relationships, suggesting the very presence of a disability implies inferiority.

Sampling of Ableistic Beliefs Toward Sexuality

• Projections of people with disabilities as being “fragile” or “a potential victim.”
• Perceived need from caregivers to “protect” people from relationships, or at the very least, being “supervised.”
• A continued perpetuated myth that people with disabilities are asexual.
• Mistaken belief that people with disabilities have less to offer in relationships.
• False belief that people with disabilities generally get into unhealthy and unbalanced relationships.
• All of these beliefs perpetuate sexual ableism and keep people with disabilities isolated and lonely. The pain has to stop. People with disabilities need to take their rightful place as sexual – and sexy – beings.

How Sexual Ableism Manifests

In a dating survey, these are some of the ways people with disabilities report as barriers to dating as a result of sexual ableism:

• I’ll be rejected.
• I don’t have enough confidence.
• I’m concerned about someone accepting my disability.
• I don’t believe I’m attractive enough.
• I’m afraid to be a burden to someone.
• How this was true in my life because I bought into sexual ableism and didn’t date for many years.

Where We Go From Here

• Once we can identify sexual ableism, we can then begin to call it out. As we talk about it more, we can then begin to transform it.
• “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.” ~Margaret Mead

Resources for this episode:

• Dating Survey for people with disabilities 
• Download guide: Rising Above Sexual Ableism

Credits

Music by: https://www.purple-planet.com "Successful Motivation"
Artwork photo by Elevate

Check out our Dating Memberships:

Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more.

Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.

Music by Successful Motivation |
Artwork photo by Elevate

Learn about the awkward, uncomfortable date that changed me and my life. It set me on the path of developing the Dating, Relationship, and Disability framework.

Dating, Relationships, and Disability offers strategies, encouragement, and mindset tips on dating with a disability. Episodes feature guidance and practical advice on how to navigate sexual ableism, focus on your power to attract, and develop happy and healthy relationships.

The basic principles of Dating, Relationships, and Disability are:

This is a journey. It's not about just “getting” a partner, but really owning who you as PWD, recognizing your own worth (even when others don’t). It’s also about changing how society views us as potential partners.

Tell us what topics and guests you would like to hear about Dating, Relationships, and Disability.  Submit your ideas in the Podcast Survey.

Please take a couple minutes and leave us a REVIEW of the show. Thanks so much!

Never heard of sexual ableism? Join me next week to learn how to recognize it and rise above it.

Credits

Music by: https://www.purple-planet.com "Successful Motivation"
Artwork by Elevate

Check out our Dating Memberships:

Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more.

Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.

Music by Successful Motivation |
Artwork photo by Elevate