Dear Clementine

This week in the Dear Clementine inbox:

• How do you handle a bullying (and sexist) family member around the holidays? I have a family member who is always berating me for not being helpful enough, meanwhile it is OK for my brother or her husband to be sleeping in the living room because they are "just men." How can I address this blatant sexism and double-standard?
• I’m nearly 33 and have been single for over 6 years. I’m considering freezing my eggs soon. If I decided to go down the sperm donor route and become a single parent by choice, I worry that my child would resent me for denying them a father or that it would cause them issues later in life. What are your thoughts on single mothers by choice and sperm donors?
• Lately I have been wondering how my relationship with my parents will evolve, especially as they transition into retirement. I'm a 30 year old independent and secure queer woman. I have a beautiful, reliable and stable support network in my friends, and get essentially all of my needs met through friends, colleagues, siblings and lovers. My parents are very practical but have low EQ and have never been particularly emotionally available. Is it bad that I don't feel a desire to let my parents in closer than arms length?

If you have a question for Clementine, send her an email at [email protected]

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week in the Dear Clementine inbox:

• My eldest daughter is almost 13 and I really want to start giving her some age-appropriate feminist books. I’m wondering what books you think would have been beneficial for you at this age? If you could go back in time, which books would you have given your 13-year-old self? 
• Recently one of my super close & also fat girlfriends confided in me that she and her boyfriend spend a lot of time talking about their friends. This included a night spent talking exclusively about how my ‘boob to ass ratio is all wrong’, followed with a lot of jokes about my body shape. She told me this as if it were perfectly normal & even funny. I’m angry because I shared my insecurities with her & now she’s using it as a source of entertainment for her and her boyfriend. How do I approach them about this or are they projecting their relationship troubles on me – should I just leave it be? 
• I’m feeling angry with my family. I live in Scotland & my family lives in Germany. Because of the pandemic, I wasn’t able to see them for 2 years. When I was able to visit them, I was disappointed because it felt like all the attention was on my 2yo niece, even my mum had no time for me & I wasn’t able to have the heart to heart I was hoping for (& so badly needed) because she was so busy. On top of this, I am always the one reaching out to them – they’re never the ones to get in touch. I feel like a jealous, needy idiot for feeling neglected, but I also don’t think they appreciate how hard the last 2 years have been on my own, struggling with depression, living through the pandemic. How do I move forward? 

If you have a question for Clementine, send her an email at [email protected]

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week in the Dear Clementine inbox:

• I am a few months away from 40 and am feeling really anxious. I am particularly struggling with unpicking the patriarchal lies within that tell me women over 40 have no value. While I can look around and see so many women in their 40s and older thriving and continuing to be vibrant, beautiful, powerhouses, I still can't shake this feeling that it's all downhill from here. 
• A very yuck part of me wonders whether or not I’m “allowed” to write a book as a someone who hasn’t been to university. I would never judge a person for choosing a life path that best serves them, so why am I judging myself and speculating the way other people may view me? Do you have any advice for how to best navigate something like this? 
• My boyfriend's sex drive is through the roof, whereas mine is what I would consider pretty average. I hate turning him down, but I also hate having sex I don't really want.  Do you think people with different sexual needs can make their relationships work, or do we both need to look for someone more compatible? 

If you have a question for Clementine, send her an email at [email protected]

CREDITS
Executive Producer: Edwina Stott
Audio Production: Adrian Walton
Managing Producer: Elle Beattie

For more great Nova Podcasts head to novapodcasts.com.au

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Trigger warning: this episode contains discussion of sexual abuse & eating disorders

This week in the Dear Clementine inbox:

• My kid sister is much younger than me & my brother. She recently shared with me that when she was 16 years old one of my brother’s 34 year old friends started a secret sexual relationship with her. My sister is so ashamed now, she’s sworn my to secrecy. I want to honour that but also want to tell my brother and confront the offender. How can I take action without betraying her trust or undermining her authority?

• I get far too many comments on my appearance. It’s often from other women saying I look pale or tired, asking if I’ve lost weight etc. How can I tackle these conversations constructively in a way that makes me feel strong but also isn’t rude?
   
• I'm a childless woman in my mid 30s. I’ve had a long battle with disordered eating, body dysmorphia, self-harm and low self-esteem. I have come to realise that the reason I was putting off having children was because of the fear of what pregnancy & motherhood would do to my body & identity. In recent months I am starting to feel like I’m ready to have a child, but I’m terrified of falling back into a bad place with the sudden changes to my body / hormones. Is this a normal fear?  

If you have a question for Clementine, send her an email at [email protected]

LINKS
PANDA - Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Australia – supports the mental health of parents and families during pregnancy and in their first year of parenthood.

CREDITS
Executive Producer: Edwina Stott
Audio Production: Adrian Walton
Managing Producer: Elle Beattie

For more great Nova Podcasts head to novapodcasts.com.au

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week in the Dear Clementine inbox:

• My 9 year old son was recently exposed to porn and I am heart broken. I feel completely overwhelmed and uncertain of how to move forward. I know I can't make him unsee what he saw, but what do I do? How can I help him now? 
   
• My partner of 6 years recently left me & our 3yo daughter. After 2 weeks, he had a new girlfriend... It has now been only 8 weeks since we split up and we are currently arguing about the right time for him to introduce his new girlfriend to my daughter. Am I being unreasonable asking him to wait at least 6 months?
   
• I'm turning 40 in 3 months time, and am single, and childless. I’m very happy but I have had sex twice in about 4 years. I miss sex! However, I also know that I need emotional connection to truly enjoy sexual intimacy. I've never enjoyed using sex toys. Do you have any advice?  

If you have a question for Clementine, send her an email at [email protected]

CREDITS
Executive Producer: Edwina Stott
Audio Production: Adrian Walton
Managing Producer: Elle Beattie

For more great Nova Podcasts head to novapodcasts.com.au

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week in the Dear Clementine inbox:

• It seems to me that so many of my male friendships are not actually friendships but often fall into grey zones and collapse. How do I conduct myself firmly, ethically and with kindness, so as to not to land in these situations anymore? 
   
• My daughter identifies as a 'Trad wife'. She has a daughter herself and I am worried about her being brought up in a household with such archaic values about women's roles. What can I do to ease or confront these feelings? 
   
• My daughter is 13. She likes wearing clothes that some would describe as ‘revealing’. I don’t have an issue with what she wears but I am conflicted, knowing there are a lot of creepy men out there. What are your thoughts on this?

If you have a question for Clementine, send her an email at [email protected]

CREDITS
Executive Producer: Edwina Stott
Audio Production: Adrian Walton
Managing Producer: Elle Beattie

For more great Nova Podcasts head to novapodcasts.com.au

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week in the Dear Clementine inbox:

• Where / how do I draw the line between giving someone a chance & wasting my own time? 
• Can you please give me some practical advice to build self-esteem and how to practice truly helpful self-care? 
• What's your advice for a mid-twenties female unsure about life? What would you tell 25-year-old Clem? 

If you have a question for Clementine, send her an email at [email protected]

CREDITS
Executive Producer: Edwina Stott
Audio Production: Adrian Walton
Managing Producer: Elle Beattie

For more great Nova Podcasts head to novapodcasts.com.au

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

How can we prepare ourselves against future poverty & bolster our finances for retirement? That's theme of this special bonus episode.

Clementine is joined by Trenna Probert, finance expert & CEO of Super Fierce, to answer your superannuation questions.

Trenna answers:

• Should I be putting extra into my super fund? 
• Should I cash in my super and buy property via a self managed super? 
• How can I balance choosing an ethical super whilst also making sure I’m investing wisely? 

If you have a question for Clementine, send her an email at [email protected]

CREDITS
Executive Producer: Edwina Stott
Audio Production: Adrian Walton
Managing Producer: Elle Beattie

For more great Nova Podcasts head to novapodcasts.com.au

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week in the Dear Clementine inbox:

• My relationship of 18 years has come to an end. I have no idea what to do with myself. I gave my partner everything and sacrificed so much - how do I find myself again after all this time?
• Tween / teen girls are nightmares - fact or fiction?
• What should I say to those suggesting later diagnosis of ADHD in women is a fad?

If you have a question for Clementine, send her an email at [email protected]

CREDITS
Executive Producer: Edwina Stott
Audio Production: Adrian Walton
Managing Producer: Elle Beattie

For more great Nova Podcasts head to novapodcasts.com.au

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week in the Dear Clementine inbox:

• My sister in law is hot. She’s also kind, intelligent, funny and interesting. I really like her as a person but I’m also jealous of how perfect she is. Every time I compare myself to her, I feel terrible about myself. Do you have any strategies for dealing with this type of jealousy?  
• Can you please unwind the attitude behind men posturing themselves as victims when they do not obtain sex from women they pursuit, even if that pursuit was never welcome, warranted or met by the woman? 
• I'm a single woman in my late 30s. Since getting divorced a few years ago, I feel content right down to my core. As time goes by however, I'm getting more and more 'crazy cat lady' comments. I feel that I am so much more than my relationship status and a woman who loves cats, but these comments still get under my skin. Do you have any advice on how to respond or manage my feelings? 

If you have a question for Clementine, send her an email at [email protected]

CREDITS
Executive Producer: Edwina Stott
Audio Production: Adrian Walton
Managing Producer: Elle Beattie

For more great Nova Podcasts head to novapodcasts.com.au

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.