Dear Clementine

TW: Just a heads up that this episode mentions child sexual abuse – if that’s not for you today perhaps skip this episode & listen to one from our extensive back catalogue.

This week – navigating a partner coming out as trans, imposter syndrome after maternity leave & becoming a surrogate for a friend.

• My husband told me he thinks he needs to talk to someone about his mental health and thinks he's headed for a mental breakdown. I'm really conflicted. I have been preparing to leave him due to emotional and financial abuse but now I feel obligated to stay and help him through this. I still want to leave and feel like I should be able to match the effort and support he has shown to me and our daughter but I feel guilty and worry about what people will think of me if I leave now. 
• I am 47, perimenopausal and in a long-term relationship. I notice that many women at this stage of life are re-evaluating their choices. With children who have left or are leaving soon and the profound physical and psychological changes we go through, it seems like time for taking stock and looking forward to the next phase of life and what we want that to look like. This is especially true for women like myself who did not had the skills to set boundaries for themselves early in the relationship and have ended up with all the household responsibilities as well as working. My question is how do we as women begin respectful conversations with men regarding menopause and this re-evaluation, especially since re-evaluation of our relationships is often a major part of this? How do we make sure we have explored the possibility of improvement before we “leave our husbands” so that if we go, we can feel that we did the best we could do? 
• I cut my dad out of my life when I was pregnant with my first daughter. After experiencing childhood sexual abuse at the hands of my father, years and years of therapy, a few attempts at severing ties, I finally did it. And I went through a period of grieving as though I'd lost a father through death. My question is, how do I navigate this with my children who are 3.5 and 6. Curious and wanting to know about their family connections, they ask "who's your dad?" How do I share my story in an age appropriate way, and also impart information about protecting themselves from the potential of abusive men who could be someone close to them? I feel that our society doesn't talk enough about the fact that predators are more likely to be relations or close family friends.  

If you have a question for Clementine, get in touch: [email protected] 

CREDITS 

Executive Producer: Edwina Stott 
Audio Production: Adrian Walton 
Managing Producer: Elle Beattie 

For more great Nova Podcasts head to novapodcasts.com.au 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week – whether loneliness is a patriarchal concept, coming out as bi & teens listening to misogynistic music.

• Do you think ‘loneliness’ is a mostly male/patriarchal concept? I have been a single woman my entire life & at 45 I have really notices that the word ‘lonely’ and the concept of ‘loneliness’ only ever seems to arise from men. 
• I’m one of the few people who knows that my friend is bi and wears lingerie. His fiancé doesn’t know & he doesn’t know how to tell her as he feels like he’s hiding himself. With hindsight, he knows he should have told her at the start but it’s been so long now, her doesn’t know what to do & it doesn’t sound like she’s going to be accepting. Please help! 

• I have a 16 year old son and a 13 year old daughter. My daughter recently flagged to me the music my son listens to on his earphones. I told him to clean up his playlist so that it is in line with his values as I am paying for his Spotify and it’s not in line with my values. I also suggested he add some female artists. Do you think I handled this well and how would you proceed with this?  I’d love to hear your general thoughts on teenagers listening to problematic music.

If you have a question for Clementine, get in touch: [email protected] 

CREDITS 

Executive Producer: Edwina Stott 
Audio Production: Adrian Walton 
Managing Producer: Elle Beattie 

For more great Nova Podcasts head to novapodcasts.com.au 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week – navigating patriarchy in teen boy’s lives, whether to let go of a grudge & if a relationship can work when you’re both lacking sexual confidence.

• My son is 17 & whilst I’ve always raised him to be aware of & reject patriarchy, he is now surrounded by men and boys making the most of their male privilege. My question is how do we counteract the influence of the patriarchy in our sons lives when they are surrounded by it and it often makes their lives easier? 
• My sister is married with two small children. She found out that her husband had been having an affair for 6 months. Since her finding out, he has had at least two more rendezvous with this colleague. My sister has stuck with him, but I can’t even look him in the eye. I am conflicted on whether I continue to ‘hold a grudge’ or try to appease my sister's forgiving narrative. What would you do?
• I’ve recently started dating my best friend. He’s been there for me at my worst, when I was in the midst of drug and alcohol addiction and struggling with PTSD. Now that I am clean and sober I am finding sex difficult. He is not super confident with sex himself, but I am finding sex with him to be nice because I feel closer to him but really struggle to be in the moment. I’m worried that we don’t have the sexual chemistry that a relationship should have but I’m also questioning whether it is just me not being comfortable with being vulnerable and expressing my sexuality. Can two people who are uncomfortable with sex support each other to feel sexual liberation?

If you have a question for Clementine, get in touch: [email protected] 

CREDITS 

Executive Producer: Edwina Stott 
Audio Production: Adrian Walton 
Managing Producer: Elle Beattie 

For more great Nova Podcasts head to novapodcasts.com.au 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week – feeling alienated because you chose not to breastfeed, knowing when it’s time to walk away & reconciling anger around child custody. 

• I didn’t breastfeed. It was my choice & it was a very informed decision, but I ended up feeling quite alienated & like the world was against me. How do I overcome feeling like I’m not part of some divine motherhood club because of my choice? 
   
• My partner has anxiety and is medicated. When he’s not in a good place, he takes care of himself by keeping busy, exercising, eating well and seeing friends. I do my best to be supportive and understanding, while also recognising that I’m not his therapist or mother. I feel that the inconsistency and the ups are downs of the relationship are draining and, there have been a handful of times when my partner hasn’t shown up for me when I really needed him to. Where do I draw the line in the sand for my own happiness while also being compassionate and empathetic? How do you know when to walk away?  
   
• A couple of months ago l finally left my alcoholic husband of 11 years and took my two children to start a new and better life. Unfortunately, we are unable to agree on custody for our children. Even though I work part time and when we were together I looked after the children 100 percent, my lawyer has warned me that when this matter goes to court next month, my husband will most likely be awarded what he wants, which is 50 percent custody. How can I reconcile the unfairness of this situation? 

If you have a question for Clementine, get in touch: [email protected] 

CREDITS 

Executive Producer: Edwina Stott 
Audio Production: Adrian Walton 
Managing Producer: Elle Beattie 

For more great Nova Podcasts head to novapodcasts.com.au 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

On this IWD, Clementine shares everything you need to know about the day's true origins & give you all the ammo you need to push back against those infuriating people who ask when International Men's Day is held...

CREDITS 
Executive Producer & Audio Production: Edwina Stott 
Managing Producer: Elle Beattie 

For more great Nova Podcasts head to novapodcasts.com.au 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Is kindness rewarded in men but expected in women? Are you obliged to include that you’re a mother in your dating profile? And how to handle traumatic reminders of the past... 

In the inbox this week:

• A male friend and I both travel for work semi-regularly. In all my years of travelling, I have not once, ever, received an upgrade. He, on the other hand, cops upgrades at every turn, without asking for them. This friend said he likes to think that kindness begets kindness - and rewards - and I said that in my experience, women's kindness only begets thanks or apologies. Are men rewarded for being polite, while it's just expected of women? 
• I'm a single mum to young kids in my mid 30's. I've just started to consider dating again. I've downloaded a few of the apps but haven't put that I'm a mother on them. I've noticed a few men get irritated that I've omitted this from my profile. Do I need to be adding the fact that I have children to my profile so people are aware from the very beginning?  
• Recently a male from my past has contacted me - someone who acted as a predator when I was 16-17 and he was 20. He took complete advantage of me and was honestly just a shitty person to me. I am now 26, happy and successful. I just feel like I don’t know how to respond to this and maybe I’m overreacting in that I feel quite shaken up about it. Help! 

If you have a question for Clementine, get in touch: [email protected] 

CREDITS 

Executive Producer: Edwina Stott 
Audio Production: Adrian Walton 
Managing Producer: Elle Beattie 

For more great Nova Podcasts head to novapodcasts.com.au 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week Tiger Woods handed his playing partner, Justin Thomas, a tampon after he'd outdriven him during the opening round of the Genesis Invitational. Here's why it's not funny.

CREDITS
Executive Producer: Edwina Stott
Audio Production: Adrian Walton
Managing Producer: Elle Beattie

For more great Nova Podcasts head to novapodcasts.com.au

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Trigger warning: This episode contains discussion of sexual abuse.

One-sided friendships, navigating the new world of modern dating & pulling up your aging parents on their misogynistic views.

This week in the inbox: 

• I’m at an age where a lot of my friends are in long term relationships and I’m starting to feel increasingly detached from them as they move forward with their new lives. I struggle with these apps and dating as I feel like a commodity to try out for most people. I would like to know your thoughts on navigating the dating landscape in hopes it is helpful to me and others.
• My father is now in his mid seventies and voicing his misogynistic thoughts and views more than ever before. Particularly around women being deserving of rape if they dress or behave a certain way. I was raped in my early 20s and other than my therapist, no-one in my family or friend circle knows about it. Is there a way that I can talk to him about this, or is he now of an age where he is set in this viewpoint? 
• I have a best friend of over 10 years who never invites me out. Any time that we get together, it's because I've initiated and organised it. It's really starting to bother me and I'm afraid I'll start to resent her. Am I just being insecure? Should I ask her why she never tries to organise anything with me?

If you have a question for Clementine, send an email to [email protected] 

CREDITS 

Executive Producer: Edwina Stott 
Audio Production: Adrian Walton 
Managing Producer: Elle Beattie 

For more great Nova Podcasts head to novapodcasts.com.au 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Concerns for your father’s new partner, whether your expenses should be split down the middle when one of you earns more money & how to carve out time for yourself.  

This week in the inbox: 

• My parents recently separated & our dad recently told us that he is returning to the Philippines as he's met someone.  My sisters and I are worried that our Dad just looking for someone to now do all the housework & work for him that mum did. He is a grown man, should we just let him make his own decisions?  
• My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. I make almost half of what he makes. However, he insists everything we purchase is split evenly. Is it problematic of me to want our purchases to be split based on our wages rather than down the middle and if not, how do I raise this with him without him dismissing it as unfair or inappropriate?   
• I’m writing to you as a mother of a 2-year-old daughter, a wife of 4 years (partner for 11), a farmer (a career I passionately love) and an increasingly angry, frustrated, resentful yet empowered woman. How do I carve out more time for myself, to regain my autonomy and independence, as a woman in the world today, without blowing up our lives? 

If you have a question for Clementine, send an email to [email protected] 

CREDITS 

Executive Producer: Edwina Stott 

Audio Production: Adrian Walton 

Managing Producer: Elle Beattie 

For more great Nova Podcasts head to novapodcasts.com.au 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Feeling guilty about work accommodating you as a mother, how to tell a friend you're not their therapist & the best way to push back against people who claim inequality in the workplace is a myth.

This week, in the Dear Clementine inbox: 

• I wanted to ask your thoughts on flexible working for mothers and caregivers. I'm currently on maternity leave from a job that I enjoy, with a company I value and respect. After an honest conversation with my manager, they said they would be willing to look into a job share in order for me to return to the role and work the part-time hours I want. I initially dismissed this thinking that again, it wouldn't be fair to complicate things and I'd be better off leaving. But, if I'm removing myself from the workplace because I don't want to inconvenience others, am I not just another woman taking a hit to their career because they've chosen to have children? 
   
• My friend has been going through some serious family issues which has really taken on a toll on her mental health. I am finding for the past year our catch's ups have largely been her venting about her life with very little consideration of what I am going through. How do I speak to her about this without hurting her or completely ruining the friendship? Or should I not bother speaking to her about it and let the friendship go? 
   
• I was really put out the other day when I heard my family talking about the fact that “all was ok on the equality space in workplaces”. I am a nurse who works part time to care for our 2 children. I can never take over the full-time work duties as my wage will never pay for our mortgage. There will always be a power imbalance in our home. I simply couldn’t put it any more succinctly and felt they didn’t get it! How can I explain how it really is to them?  

If you have a question for Clementine, send an email to [email protected]

CREDITS
Executive Producer: Edwina Stott
Audio Production: Adrian Walton
Managing Producer: Elle Beattie

For more great Nova Podcasts head to novapodcasts.com.au

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.