Dear Clementine

This week Clementine is tackling what to do when you no longer fancy your partner, developing romantic feelings for a friend with benefits & reflecting on a man-child of an ex.

• When I met my husband when we were both 26, one of the things that attracted me to him was his svelte physique. Post child and as we age (we are now both 40) I find the time to exercise & am conscious of what I eat, but my husband makes minimal effort. When we do have sex, I find myself fantasizing about other men/women and closing my eyes to reach climax. What should I do?
• I have recently developed romantic thoughts and feelings toward someone I am in a friends with benefits relationship with. How do I process these mixed feelings? Do I box them up and ignore? Do I spill my fantasies and ask them to ride off into the sunset with me? Your big sister guidance is truly appreciated.
• I recently came out of a five-year relationship. I was doing a lot, if not all of the domestic labour, I work full time, he did not. I would say things like “please… I have to get up for work soon and you get to stay at home all day” - to which he would reply “it’s your choice to work”; or I might say something like “I do so much around here, I wash your clothes, I clean the house” and he would say “that’s your choice to do those things, I don’t ask you to clean my clothes”. Apart from leave the relationship, which I eventually did, how could I have handled this situation? Was there a way to explain why I CHOOSE to work, clean the house and do his laundry?

If you have a question for Clementine, get in touch: [email protected] 

CREDITS 
Audio Production: Adrian Walton 
Managing Producer: Elle Beattie 
Executive Producer: Edwina Stott 

For more great Nova Podcasts head to novapodcasts.com.au 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week Clementine is talking; negotiating a pay rise, taking your partner's last name & ending friendships.

• I am trying to negotiate a pay rise for a new job I have just been offered. I'm not asking that much, but for some reason I feel so guilty and greedy even when I recently found out a much young man, with less experience than me was on $25k more than me...please help!
• I’m getting married in a couple of months and I’m feeling very conflicted about taking my partner's last name. I’ve tried talking to multiple people about how I’m feeling, but every single person thinks that I should take his name. My fiancé understands where I am coming from, but says that having the same last name will be a new beginning for us to create our own family. In saying this, him changing his last name is not an option.
  Changing my last name just makes me feel a little sad, like I am losing a part of myself. Am I overreacting?
• I recently ended a friendship with someone because of their persistent victim mentality stance. My issue is I feel some guilt about doing this and it has me thinking about some of my other close friendships. If we choose to stay friends with someone out of loyalty and essentially ignore all their toxic and self-destructive tendencies, are we becoming enablers of their behaviour? Is it wrong to continue to be their friend, or is it acceptable because people aren’t perfect but what essentially matters is how they treat you?

If you have a question for Clementine, get in touch: [email protected] 

CREDITS 
Audio Production: Adrian Walton 
Managing Producer: Elle Beattie 
Executive Producer: Edwina Stott 

For more great Nova Podcasts head to novapodcasts.com.au 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this special bonus episode, Clem takes Mother's Day back to it's historical roots to remind us of its true meaning.

CREDITS 
Audio Production: Adrian Walton 
Managing Producer: Elle Beattie 
Executive Producer: Edwina Stott 

For more great Nova Podcasts head to novapodcasts.com.au 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Trigger warning: this episode includes reference to domestic violence.

This week: why men are so often annoyed by fun hairstyles, warning your abusive ex’s new partner & whether you have a duty to have a relationship with your parents.

• My bestie is a hairdresser and loves to experiment with her hair! She is talking to a new guy and mentioned to him that she is dying her hair from blonde to pink, he responded with “oh golly, don’t you already have a bit of pink in your hair?” and reacted negatively! Why do you think men get so offended when women dye their hair fun colours?
• More than five years ago I was in a nearly three year relationship with one of the most charming people I've ever met, which became abusive. Eventually, after a hiking trip abroad which included a lot of pretty awful behaviour I managed to leave. I've just come to know that he is now dating someone else I vaguely know. I feel deeply conflicted about whether I should say anything. On one hand, I don't want to interfere or seemingly question another woman's judgement or autonomy; on the other, I want to do the ethical thing.  What should I do?
• Growing up, my dad and I were incredibly close — but that changed when I was a teenager. He left my mother and married his much younger student at the university where he worked. My mother has always been mentally unstable — she’d been abusive and violent towards me, and we’ve never been close. My dad was frustrated that I was unable to just be happy for him and his new marriage, while I felt completely abandoned. For the past decade, we’ve barely talked. Recently, I became a parent. And my dad has sent an email saying he wants to reconnect. So Clementine, tell me, what do we owe our parents? He fed and clothed me, so in return, do I owe him a civil relationship and access to his grandchild?

If you have a question for Clementine, get in touch: [email protected] 

ADDITIONAL HELP
1800RESPECT is the national domestic, family and sexual violence counselling, information and support service. Call 1800 737 732 or reach out via the online chat.

CREDITS 
Audio Production: Adrian Walton 
Managing Producer: Elle Beattie 
Executive Producer: Edwina Stott 

For more great Nova Podcasts head to novapodcasts.com.au 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Today we're talking: parenting with an ex who cheated on you, whether gender equality targets are helpful & why men are so uncomfortable accepting help from other men.

• I was married to my husband for nearly 13 years. The marriage ended because he cheated on me. Despite me loving my untethered life and being content with my decision, I can't seem to get past very deep anger when I see how much our sons look up to him. They have no idea as to the real reason we split. Will this feeling ever dissipate?

• Do you think that setting targets for gender equality in the workplace (e.g. aiming for a 50/50 split) is useful in creating a more gender equitable workplace? And if not, what do you think is useful in creating a culture that celebrates equality?

• I have a question about men being uncomfortable receiving care from other men. My partner and I recently took care of a mutual male friend after he had foot surgery. My partner took the day off work, picked him up from hospital and cared for him while I was working in the office. When I returned home, he refused every offer of help from my partner but every time I offered he accepted my help. Both my partner and I were bemused by this. Why are men so uncomfortable accepting help from other men?

If you have a question for Clementine, get in touch: [email protected] 

BOOKS
Picturing Men, John Ibson

CREDITS 
Audio Production: Adrian Walton 
Managing Producer: Elle Beattie 
Executive Producer: Edwina Stott 

For more great Nova Podcasts head to novapodcasts.com.au 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Today in Clementine's inbox: a father looking for advice on how to support his teen daughter, a friend trying to manage her bestie's awful boyfriend and learning when it's your responsibility to speak up and when it's best to stay quiet.

• I am the father of a 13-year-old girl and I'm currently facing a challenging situation that I could really use your advice and insights on. Lately, my daughter has been expressing a strong reluctance to go to school. She used to be enthusiastic about school and enjoyed learning, but recently she has been resistant to attend classes. The one and only time she opened up to me, she assured me that she was not a victim of bullying, but she did say, "Why am I so different?" Can you please share any advice or suggestions you might have on how to approach this situation?
• My best friend and I are housemates. Unfortunately, her ex boyfriend is just the worst, and she keeps going back to him. She often asks me what I think of their situation and I have spent HOURS unpacking their relationship with her. I am very direct but it just feels like no matter what I say, she doesn’t care! How do I deal with this? Why do amazing women date lame, boring, smelly men?? 
• How do you know when to speak up on issues you care about and when to stay silent? I've always struggled to accept people with opposing beliefs to my own but recently I've come to the realisation that all people hold firm beliefs that no amount of debate or contrary evidence can shift. 

If you have a question for Clementine, get in touch: [email protected] 

CREDITS 
Audio Production: Adrian Walton 
Managing Producer: Elle Beattie 
Executive Producer: Edwina Stott 

For more great Nova Podcasts head to novapodcasts.com.au 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In the first of our weekend chat series, host of Nova Podcast's Two Girls One Pod, Yvie Jones joins Clementine for a relaxed weekend debrief. They talk about Yvie refusing to weigh-in on I'm A Celeb, health at every size, why other women are our best allies & of course rescue pets. Grab a cuppa, settle in & enjoy!

You can hear more of Yvie on Two Girls One Pod.

CREDITS 
Managing Producer: Elle Beattie 
Executive Producer: Edwina Stott 

For more great Nova Podcasts head to novapodcasts.com.au 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Becoming friends with crumb-maidens, navigating dating apps as a mother & why aging is not such a scary thing after all!

This week, in the Dear Clementine inbox: 

• I have made some very lovely new girlfriends however, they are friends with a group of men who are absolute misogynists. Should I speak to my friends about this or just get rid of them all together? 
• I'm a single mum to young kids in my mid 30's. I've just started to consider dating again. I've downloaded a few of the apps but haven't put that I'm a mother on them. I've noticed a few men get irritated that I've omitted this from my profile. Do I need to be adding the fact that I have children to my profile so people are aware from the very beginning?  
• This year is my and many of my friends' fortieth birthdays. It's difficult to explain, but this imminent milestone seems to have given rise to a strange sense of foreboding in all of us. Clementine, I'd love your explanation on why this ageing is so scary, and why it seems so un-feminist to admit that? 

If you have a question for Clementine, get in touch: [email protected] 

CREDITS 
Managing Producer: Elle Beattie 
Executive Producer: Edwina Stott 

For more great Nova Podcasts head to novapodcasts.com.au 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week - travelling solo in your forties when you feel like all you want is a partner to travel with, telling men to leave you alone & dealing with sexual harassment at work.

• I’m 45 years old and the solo parent to 3 children. With the children close to independence I am turning my mind to my future and what I want. What I want to do is travel and I want to do it with a romantic partner. Without a decent man in sight and waking up disappointed each day that I’m not attracted to women the only other option is to go on my travels with a female friend. Unfortunately all my female friends are in seemingly happy relationships and wouldn’t be able to/want to spend months on the road with me. How can I plan a future of hedonism and adventure alone when I have been alone for the past 10+ years and yearn for the special companionship of a partner? 
• How do you react when random older men try to talk to you in a public place? I often find myself in the situation of sitting somewhere in public, most recently reading at the library when an older man will initiate a conversation. I’d really like to stand up for myself and tell them to leave me alone but I guess I just freeze and become very small. I’d love your advice on how to stand up for myself or at least get out of these situations instead of freezing because I always feel like such a pushover for giving these men the time of day. I’m 25 now and I’d really like to have more courage in this situation.
• I work in a small marketing agency in London, it’s my first office job post university and I’ve quickly climbed to quite a senior position in the company. Last year I was unwell with an eating disorder relapse and dealing with being very overworked among this. One night, under the promise of a pay rise, my boss invited me to a bar to talk where he made moves of a sexual nature. Though I was initially flattered and went along with it, I’d never have initiated anything like this. It happened twice more and both times I tried to shut it down. The final time he gave me drugs and I was severely intoxicated. After the final time, I became too unwell to return to work and eventually decided to tell our CEO exactly what had happened. Protocols have been followed but my grievance has only been partially upheld. The director handed in his notice but the CEO has convinced him to stay and feels passionate about keeping both of us in the business. I don’t want to have to quit because that way he wins, but I also don’t want to work alongside him. Any thought or advice you can share would be greatly appreciated. 

If you have a question for Clementine, get in touch: [email protected] 

CREDITS 
Audio Production: Adrian Walton 
Managing Producer: Elle Beattie 
Executive Producer: Edwina Stott 

For more great Nova Podcasts head to novapodcasts.com.au 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week – navigating a partner coming out as trans, imposter syndrome after maternity leave & becoming a surrogate for a friend.

• My husband, who I’ve been with since I was 21 (I am now 40) has revealed to me very recently that they are trans. I love them so much, and all I want is for them to be happy and fulfilled and completely themself. That said, I am fighting a personal battle. Do I stay married to this person, and change my own identity from a straight woman to a lesbian with a trans wife? Do I end the marriage and support my ex-spouse as a friend instead of a lover? 
• Since returning to work after having a baby, I’ve been struck with the most horrific imposter syndrome. I am now doing a full time job in part time hours, and I feel the amount of overtime I’m doing to try and keep up is unsustainable. How can I overcome this awful feeling of trying to keep up and feeling like I’m pretending to know what I’m doing? 
• I am considering being a surrogate for one of my friends. She is a trans woman who already has a daughter. She would love another child and I said that I would be open to being a surrogate. I am 36, married with 1 child who is 15. I have no plans on having any more children. I loved being pregnant and it would be nice to experience it again. I would love to know your thoughts. 

If you have a question for Clementine, get in touch: [email protected] 

CREDITS 

Executive Producer: Edwina Stott 
Audio Production: Adrian Walton 
Managing Producer: Elle Beattie 

For more great Nova Podcasts head to novapodcasts.com.au 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.