Dear Clementine

What to do when your partner says its your duty to have sex with them, co-parenting with a narcissistic ex & why aging, for women in particular, can be such a scary thing.

This week, in the Dear Clementine inbox: 

• I am 20 weeks pregnant & I have never felt less like myself. My partner doesn’t understand what I’m going through. He wants sex & insists this is something I SHOULD do for him. He says I’m throwing our relationship away because of it. I feel guilty & my mental health is suffering because of it. Any advice would be appreciated. 
   
• I left my narcissistic & abusive ex-husband nearly 3 years ago. How do I remove him from my life but co-parent with him so that I can live in peace without the stress of dealing with him?
   
• This year is my and many of my friends' fortieth birthdays. It's difficult to explain, but this imminent milestone seems to have given rise to a strange sense of foreboding in all of us. Clementine, I'd love your explanation on why this ageing is so scary, and why it seems so un-feminist to admit that? 

If you have a question for Clementine, send an email to [email protected]

LINKS
1800 RESPECT

CREDITS
Executive Producer: Edwina Stott
Audio Production: Adrian Walton
Managing Producer: Elle Beattie

For more great Nova Podcasts head to novapodcasts.com.au

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TRIGGER WARNING: This episode contains discussion of sexual assault.

Dating a man facing allegations of sexual assault by his ex-girlfriend, choosing your baby's surname when you don't agree with taking your partner's second name & whether it's your responsibility to talk to a friend who's been drawn into the world of men's rights activism.

This week, in the Dear Clementine inbox: 
- I am in the early dating stage with a man who has told me his ex-girlfriend has lodged a police report against him for sexual assault and physical assault within their relationship, which he says is untrue. I am struggling as I know I can never really know the truth, and I don’t want to be someone who lets their romantic feelings for someone cloud their judgment. How can I navigate such a serious, heavy situation, while keeping myself safe? 

- My male friend of 6 years is slowly delving into the world of “men's rights activism” and what I call the “Jordan Peterson” rabbit hole.  Over the last 6 months or so our conversations have increasingly turned in to frequent “debates” on quite misogynistic views. Is it my responsibility as his friend & as a woman to call this out? Or is better to distance myself and hope he sees the light? 
 
- I have both my parents last names. How does the next generation manage this? Taking my boyfriend’s name is weird and not an option for me. Options and ideas on how people navigate these things as modern people would be appreciated.

LINKS
- NSW women and men will be able to check partner's violence history online with disclosure scheme
- That's Helpful Podcast - How to spot a psychopath

If you have a question for Clementine, send an email to [email protected]

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Becoming friends with women who entertain misogyny, whether ambivalence around motherhood is a sign it's not for you & when a friend of 20 years asks you to borrow money - should you lend it to them?

This week, in the Dear Clementine inbox: 

• I have made some very lovely new girlfriends however, they are friends with a group of men who are absolute misogynists. Should I speak to my friends about this or just get rid of them all together? 
• I’m in a serious relationship with a partner I love. However, we are at something of an impasse when it comes to deciding whether to have kids or not. I just don’t know, all I know is that I’m ambivalent. It seems that so many people around me simply can’t accept that a child-free life can be fulfilling. Is there any right way to work through this ambivalence? Do you have any advice?
• I have a best friend of about 20 years. Today for the first time in our friendship she asked me to lend her $350. One of my boundaries is that I don’t lend friends money. When I told my friend she got very upset with me. I feel like the simple act of me saying no has damaged the friendship. What can I do to feel better and hopefully turn this into a learning experience?

If you have a question for Clementine, send an email to [email protected]

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

**TW: This episode contains discussion of sexual assault**

We're taking a look back at some of our most meaningful conversations.

This week:

- I'm a single woman in my late 30s. Since getting divorced a few years ago, I feel content right down to my core. As time goes by however, I'm getting more and more 'crazy cat lady' comments. I feel that I am so much more than my relationship status and a woman who loves cats, but these comments still get under my skin. Do you have any advice on how to respond or manage my feelings?

- I contracted herpes when I was 19 and in an emotionally abusive relationship where he intentionally gave me herpes as a way of manipulating/ branding me… it has affected my ability to see my value as a sexual partner, 7 years on and I’m still just not quite sure how to navigate that conversation and shame when I’m trying to meet new partners.

If you have a question you'd like answering, send an email to [email protected]

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

As we approach the end of the year, we're revisiting some of our most meaningful conversations.

In this episode:

- How do I get over my gender disappointment of finding out my second child will also be a boy?

- What's your advice for a mid-twenties female unsure about life? What would you tell 25-year-old Clem?

If you have a question you'd like answering, send an email to [email protected]

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week, we continue to revisit some of our favourite conversations of the year.

Today's questions are: 

- How do I draw the line between giving someone a chance & wasting my own time?

- My sister-in-law is hot. She’s also kind, intelligent, funny and interesting. I really like her as a person but I’m also jealous of how perfect she is. Every time I compare myself to her, I feel terrible about myself. Do you have any strategies for dealing with this type of jealousy? 

If you have a question you'd like answering, send an email to [email protected]

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

As we revisit some of our most important conversations of the year. This week's questions are:

- I'm in my early 30s and really want to have a baby but worry about what it will mean for my life, career, relationships & financial security. Can you ever be fully ready and if so, how do you know? 

- I’m think of myself as a feminist but often my mind is really not feminist at all...I often fantasise about being submissive and man pleasing, sometimes they being verbally abusive or using coercive control and me giving up my power. Where is the line between kink and repressed inner misogyny?

If you have a question you'd like answering, send an email to [email protected]

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Where has the year gone!? It's absolutely flown by as we've spent it having some of the most important & profound conversations about life, love & everything in between here on Dear Clementine.

Over the next few weeks, we're going to take a look back at some of the questions we've learnt the most from.

In this episode:
- How can I get over my crippling fear that no one will ‘want me’ (except for sex) now that I’m a single mum? 

- How can I accept my 21 year old daughter's partner of choice when I know they met when she was 18 and he was 30?

If you have a question you'd like answering, send an email to [email protected]

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week in the Dear Clementine inbox:

• I wanted to know if you had advice for handling the feelings and (internal) fallout when you have disagreements or tiffs with friends. I pride myself on being a good, caring, loyal friend but hey - sometimes I do insensitive or thoughtless things. My close friends and I talk about things when we mess up, we make an effort to understand each other, and I know we love each other - but I can’t help feeling like a failure, like I’m less-than or not as-good as them when I do or say something I'm not proud of.
• I am a 39 year old woman in a relationship with a man 5 years younger than me. He’s amazing (supportive, caring, empowering) and I’m really happy in the relationship. I can’t however shake this sense of feeling sorry for him because I am older than him, and that therefore I am holding him back or he is worse off somehow because he could instead be with someone younger and therefore more worthy or appealing. How do I shake these feelings of inadequacy and allow myself to embrace the relationship without this anxiety getting in the way?
• I have two teenage daughters, 15 and 17 years old.  We were recently talking about sex and the subject of vibrators came up.  My youngest asked if I owned one and if I would ever get her or her sister one. Usually I would not disclose this information about myself but instead chose too. She was not surprised and an open conversation followed.  What I’m asking is do you think it is ok for me to purchase a toy to assist them with self-pleasure? Is there a right or wrong age to do this?  

If you have a question for Clementine, send her an email at [email protected]

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week in the Dear Clementine inbox:

• I have been with my partner for 2 years and we are very much in love and in a healthy, equal relationship. In saying this, I have recently started a new job and have developed a 'crush' on one of my colleagues. I think my crush is just a crush - but I feel bad about the way I am acting/some of the things I am thinking. Am I a bad person or do you think this is normal?
• How would you respond (if at all) on receiving an unsolicited dick pic from a 40-year-old male client, as a female sole proprietor in her early 30s?
• My friend is someone who has no interest in relationships, but enjoys sex and connection, so dates multiple men simultaneously in an honest and respectful manner. However, she recently discovered one of the men has a girlfriend. Do you think my friend has any obligation to inform this girl of her boyfriend's cheating? 

If you have a question for Clementine, send her an email at [email protected]

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.