Dear Clementine

This week we revisit some of Clementine's most valuable pearls of wisdom. 

This week Clem answers:

• I have recently been instructed by my gynaecologist to stop shaving so I can recover from a medical condition. Lately though, as I "bare" witness to my full bush returning, feeling sexy with my new look has eluded me. My current, and wonderfully supportive partner says it makes no difference to them but I can't help but feel... messy? Unkempt perhaps? How can I learn to feel sexy with my body hair, empowered, and untamed in all of my natural glory? 
• Growing up, my dad and I were incredibly close — but that changed when I was a teenager. He left my mother and married his much younger student at the university where he worked. My mother has always been mentally unstable — she’d been abusive and violent towards me, and we’ve never been close. My dad was frustrated that I was unable to just be happy for him and his new marriage, while I felt completely abandoned. For the past decade, we’ve barely talked. Recently, I became a parent. And my dad has sent an email saying he wants to reconnect. So Clementine, tell me, what do we owe our parents? He fed and clothed me, so in return, do I owe him a civil relationship and access to his grandchild?
• My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. I make almost half of what he makes. However, he insists everything we purchase is split evenly. Is it problematic of me to want our purchases to be split based on our wages rather than down the middle and if not, how do I raise this with him without him dismissing it as unfair or inappropriate? 

If you have a question for Clementine, send an email to [email protected] 

CREDITS 
Executive Producer: Edwina Stott 
Audio Production: Adrian Walton 
Managing Producer: Elle Beattie 

For more great Nova Podcasts head to novapodcasts.com.au 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In the inbox this week: figuring out your sexuality post trauma, feeling obligated to give your husband sex & how to tell your dad that you no longer want his name.

Clementine answers:

• 5 years ago I was told my boyfriend had been trading my nudes like Pokémon cards at the pub with his friends. When I found out I was furious and left him immediately. Since then the thought of being physical sexually with a man makes me feel repulsed and some anger still flares up. I think I may have become asexual, but part of me feels like a fraud because I never used to be. How do I know what I am?
• I am unhappily married but choose to stay for my child. I really don't enjoy having sex with my husband and I haven't done so for the last five years since the birth of our child. I give him obligatory sex to keep the house peaceful. He is complaining that I am not engaged well enough in sex and its not frequent enough. Am I obligated to give my husband sex?
• After a year of productive therapy, a lifetime of evidence pointing toward my father being an actual, clinical narcissist and two years thinking about this decision, I have decided to drop the surname I share with him. But I'm at a loss for how to explain to him my reasoning as it will probably lead to me apologising for something I absolutely do not want to apologise for! How do I have the conversation?

If you have a question for Clementine, get in touch: [email protected] 

CREDITS 
Audio Production: Adrian Walton 
Managing Producer: Elle Beattie 
Executive Producer: Edwina Stott 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You've probably seen the screen shots that surfer Sarah Brady posted on her Instagram, accusing her ex, the actor Jonah Hill, of misogyny and emotional abuse.

In this special episode, Clementine breaks the story down & asks whether 'therapy speak' has become a new weapon for manipulation & abuse.

CREDITS 
Audio Production: Adrian Walton 
Managing Producer: Elle Beattie 
Executive Producer: Edwina Stott 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In today's episode; we're talking re-evaluating how you spend your time, forgiving your former self & whether it's okay to accept financial help from a mother you don't like.

Today Clementine answers:

• When I was in my 20s pre-kids I threw myself into sports, being on committees, studying, organising big social events etc.  Now I’m in my mid-40s and have teenage kids I have more time to follow my interests, but I have found I don’t have the motivation that I used to jump into all these activities. I think part of it is being older and wiser, but I am mourning my past self a bit.  I’m wondering if you can relate or have any advice?
• Recently I was going through unopened messages on Facebook. Some of the messages were conversations with people from as far back as 2013, when I was 17 years old and finishing high school. In one conversation, I was slut shaming one of my classmates to him because she had sent nudes to a boy. I have since gained much more progressive views. I want to be kind to my younger self but when I think about her I feel ashamed. What do I do?
• I have a toxic and complicated relationship with my mother but she has offered to pay my HECS debt and I don’t know whether to accept the offer. I do not like this woman and she has done some horrible things to me, but should I profit off it in this way?

If you have a question for Clementine, get in touch: [email protected] 

CREDITS 
Audio Production: Adrian Walton 
Managing Producer: Elle Beattie 
Executive Producer: Edwina Stott 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Clementine just can't leave you with Carrie Bradshaw's awful advice that she gives out on her podcast in the new series of 'And Just Like That...'. Here's how Clem would have answered the question Carrie's listener asked with a little series commentary thrown in for good measure.

If you have a question for Clementine, get in touch: [email protected] 

CREDITS 
Audio Production: Adrian Walton 
Managing Producer: Elle Beattie 
Executive Producer: Edwina Stott 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Today we’re talking feeling guilty over a lack of ambition, realising you resent your husband and sons who can’t get along. In this episode Clementine answers:

• I have never been ambitious & have always wanted to be a stay-at-home mother, but I feel ashamed by my lack of ambition. I pushed my husband to become the high-income earner so that I could do this, but I now feel like I’m not a productive member of society. When I'm asked what I do, I feel ashamed to say I'm not working, so I say I'm studying. I would be grateful for any advice, even if it is to tell me to get over myself. 
• I’m 47 and have been with my partner for 23 years. I’m childfree by choice. I’m going through menopause & I’ve discovered I have deep seated level of regrets and resentment towards my husband, as in retrospect I can see how much I have compromised my life choices since meeting my husband. I did love him, but I don’t think I do anymore. But how do I know this feeling is genuine, and not simply perimenopausal rage?
• I have two sons, aged 29 & 32. My older son has decided that his younger brother's girlfriend is no good for him and has got to go. I see his point, but feel it is no one's place to interfere. This has got so bad that we now cannot have family functions involving my older son and younger son's girlfriend. The older son has also attacked the younger son physically. Any insight from you would help. 

If you have a question for Clementine, get in touch: [email protected] 

CREDITS 
Audio Production: Adrian Walton 
Managing Producer: Elle Beattie 
Executive Producer: Edwina Stott 

For more great Nova Podcasts head to novapodcasts.com.au 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Disability rights activist Chloe Hayden is joining Clementine for a special neurodivergent episode – she’s the star of Netflix’s Heartbreak High & now the host of Nova's new podcast, Boldly Me. In each episode, Chloé speaks to people who have taken risks, dared to be bold and have an awesome story. 

Today, Chloe & Clem answer:

• How can I be confident telling professional people in my life and business that I’m newly diagnosed with inattentive ADHD so that they’ll take me seriously?
• My son has recently been diagnosed with autism. I know you were diagnosed with OCD as a child. I am wondering if you could share any advice you may have learnt through your own experience growing up ,about parenting a neurodiverse child?

If you have a question for Clementine, get in touch: [email protected] 

CREDITS 
Audio Production: Adrian Walton 
Managing Producer: Elle Beattie 
Executive Producer: Edwina Stott 

For more great Nova Podcasts head to novapodcasts.com.au 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Today – when to let go of a friendship, finding the courage to walk away and the burden of keeping your father’s cheating secret. In this episode, Clementine answers:

- I was good friends with a girl I lived in my old street with. We lived in the same street for about 3 years, had our babies at the same time and were very close. I considered her one of my good friends. I moved across the city about 30 mins away and so of course we saw each other less but still continued to catch up. Over the last 2 years I've tried to continue the friendship and have contacted her multiple times to which I basically get ignored. Should I let this friendship go or address it with her? 
 
-  I’m 29 and have been with my partner for nearly 12 years. Over that time we’ve had huge ups and downs. We’ve travelled the world together, now own a home and I’ve also had incredible independence in travelling alone, making friends and forging a great career for myself. We’ve also had lots of lows. My partner has bipolar and I’m his primary carer as it’s a secret from his family (his choice), he has physically cheated once and at least three times emotionally, including late last year. Lately I’ve been thinking about the kind of future I want, and the only word that comes to my is “peace.” Mistakes aside, my partner is a beautiful person, but I have made lots of sacrifices and I think I’d finally like to choose me. So how on earth do you find the courage to walk away, particularly when it involves hurting somebody else? 
 
- Ten or so years ago I was on a gap year and stayed with my dad in Nepal while he was working there for a couple of months. One day I came back to the apartment and there was a female colleague of his there too. That night he told me it was a mistake and he was very sorry. He was sorry too that it was a burden I would have to carry to not tell his wife, my mum. I still struggle with what responsibility I have to my mum, knowing what happened. Today my parents are seemingly happier than ever. I’m really terrified of being the one to break this family, but I can’t shake the feeling that this isn’t fair for my mum. And does me being their son change this dynamic at all? 

If you have a question for Clementine, get in touch: [email protected] 

CREDITS 
Audio Production: Adrian Walton 
Managing Producer: Elle Beattie 
Executive Producer: Edwina Stott 

For more great Nova Podcasts head to novapodcasts.com.au 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Today – overbearing mother in laws, being manipulated by child support & whether it’s your place to pull up your siblings on how they treat your parents. Here are this week's questions:

- My siblings and I grew up with my biological father who was an abusive alcoholic. My older sister bore the brunt of this relationship as she often intervened in their fights & drove us to our grandparents house in the middle of the night when things escalated. I firmly believe my mum was a victim in this situation but my sister treats her with resentment and anger. I want to talk to my sister about the way she treats our mum, but I'm not sure if it's my place to say anything. Should I be having a frank conversation with my sister about the way she treats my mum? 

- My mother-in-law is constantly nit-picking at me & everyone else in the family. How do I deal with it without reducing this to a misogynistic mother-in-law vs. daughter-in-law trope?

- My daughter’s father was recently informed by the ATO that he needs to increase his child support payments. He suggested to my daughter that he pay her the extra money directly instead, and help her to learn about money, budgeting and saving. The way he asked me was to tell my daughter, which I suspect is a manipulative tactic. Now, he keeps telling her she needs to contribute to things financially with him, like dinners out etc. I can’t help but feel that this whole thing was a manipulative way of just not paying me the money. Am I overly suspicious and uncharitable of my ex or have I assessed the situation correctly?

If you have a question for Clementine, get in touch: [email protected] 

CREDITS 
Audio Production: Adrian Walton 
Managing Producer: Elle Beattie 
Executive Producer: Edwina Stott 

For more great Nova Podcasts head to novapodcasts.com.au 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week's dose of no-nonsense advice includes how to learn to love body hair, parenting with a cheating man-child & growing your confidence at work.

• I have recently been instructed by my gynaecologist to stop shaving so I can recover from a medical condition. Lately though, as I "bare" witness to my full bush returning, feeling sexy with my new look has eluded me. My current, and wonderfully supportive partner says it makes no difference to them but I can't help but feel... messy? Unkempt perhaps? How can I learn to feel sexy with my body hair, empowered, and untamed in all of my natural glory? 
• I am 9 weeks separated from my husband of 10 years, partner for 18. We have 2 children. It turns out that he has casually cheated on me for at least 10 years and probably longer. He told me today, he is on the dating apps and get this, not looking for anything casual! The timeline has still left me reeling. How do I get through this and find a place where I can healthily coparent with this narcissistic, indulgent man-child? 
• I need some help with my return-to-work post baby. After six months off, I’ve now returned to work part time and I’m not feeling like I have the knowledge or ability I had when I left. In a recent discussion around who would get jobs next year, my name came up and my stridently male supervisor said that I need to be more confident. This was after a conversation where I approached and asked for support to improve my knowledge and skills…. he told me “you just need to have more confidence, we’ve all been there”. Have you? Been the primary parent of a breastfed child trying to return to work halfway through training after a long career break?! FFS. How do I summon the rage and work on improving my practice despite him? I’m not a very angry person, and I just feel like crawling into a hole/leaving my medical job and doing something less stressful.  

If you have a question for Clementine, get in touch: [email protected] 

CREDITS 
Audio Production: Adrian Walton 
Managing Producer: Elle Beattie 
Executive Producer: Edwina Stott 

For more great Nova Podcasts head to novapodcasts.com.au 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.