Dear Family,

Seventeen years ago, I was 33 and the year was 2004. A highlight of my day was watching the Oprah Winfrey Show. Sitting cross-legged on my couch, I'd give my full attention to my hero on the small screen. Oprah was my teacher who loved teachers and I was a teacher. She made me think, feel inspired, consider possibilities, smile, be moved to tears, and dream big. She showed me by example, how one person can make an enormous difference and to believe in the goodness of (wo)mankind.

I don't remember where my baby was when I watched Gayle King surprise her BFF, Oprah with a 50th birthday party on national TV. She was likely climbing on and off my lap because I couldn't wait to put her to sleep to watch this special and very hyped-up episode without commercials. Oprah's star-studded, highly produced surprise "50th Birthday Celebration in Style" began with John Travolta toasting his friend with her favorite Cristal Champagne. Stevie Wonder serenaded with a backdrop of walls of roses. Oprah reflected by saying, "To deny your age, to lie about your age, to pretend to be something else that you are not is to deny the essence of your life. Every moment is worth celebrating with candelabras, with your heart, with your sincerity."

As I watched Oprah take this outpouring of love all in with gratitude, I told myself I too would one day have a big blowout celebration. I too would feel the gratitude from being surrounded by my dear family and friends with great music and great food, everyone I loved there to celebrate my milestone birthday.

Let me backtrack a bit to 1997, the year my mom turned 50. I'd just turned 26, was dating my future husband for almost a year at that point and was teaching my third kindergarten class. Mom was about to be divorced for a second time and rather than wallow in sorrow, she threw herself a party at a Greek restaurant. When I looked at my full-of-life mom who was still so young at heart and had the wonderful audacity to throw herself a big party to celebrate, fifty didn't seem old. Yet those 24 more years felt a lifetime away.

The year is now 2021 and it's my turn to cross that imaginary threshold of turning fifty. This was going to be the year I'd celebrate in style like Oprah, a birthday blowout party so full of love and celebration all the guests' cheeks and their abs would hurt from all the smiling and laughing. Only I can't gather with my dear friends and family because we are in the darkest days of this worldwide pandemic.

When I realized I only had one month left in my fourth decade and I would not be able to party in style as I'd always hoped, I realized there was so much to celebrate anyway. By reflecting on the big and important life lessons my Mom and Oprah taught me, I was claiming the life I was meant to live and sharing it with a countdown to turning fifty gratitude reflection.

Forty-nine years from now, I'll be 99, the age the iconic Betty White just turned. Her sense of humor and mischievous spunkiness is wildly endearing and worth celebrating. She reminds me to stay young at heart, not take things too seriously, smile, and laugh, and then all will be golden. Honor and celebrate all the days of your life. Thank you for celebrating with me.

SHOW NOTE LINKS:

Rachel's Essay- Celebrating and Owning my 50th Birthday- Just Like Oprah Did

Eckhart Tolle's Books

"The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne

Los Angeles Times article on Betty White's 99th Birthday

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Thank you! Your support means the world to me. Wishing you love, happiness, and good mental health always.

Susannah Cahalan tells the astonishing true story of her descent into madness, her family's inspiring faith in her, and the lifesaving diagnosis that nearly didn't happen. Her New York Times bestselling book "Brain on Fire" was adapted for a movie starring Chloe Grace Moretz as her. It's an unforgettable exploration of memory and identity, faith and love, and a profoundly compelling tale of survival and perseverance.

She was a healthy young person working at her dream job, The New York Post when she began having grand mal seizures and babbling. Her increasing paranoia and seizures were misdiagnosed by a neurologist as partying too hard combined with stress. Eventually, she'd become catatonic, trapped in her body unable to speak, write, or get thoughts out.

Susannah was diagnosed with a schizoaffective disorder with video of her in the hospital heartbreakingly capturing her real panic as she hallucinates she's on the news while using the remote to try to call for help. After many misdiagnoses and on the verge of being "locked up" in a psych ward, a miracle doctor, Dr. Najjar comes along and asks her to draw a clock. The lopsided image opened up clues leading to a brain biopsy and spinal tap, she's diagnosed with autoimmune encephalitis, a medical explanation pretending to be psychiatric.

Her personal experience leads her deeper into the study of other "Great Pretenders," the same name as her second New York Times best-selling book. She'd blow the lid on a groundbreaking 1973 study called "On Being Sane in Insane Places" that rocked the psychiatric world and still does. Susannah lives in Brooklyn with her husband and twin toddlers.

SHOW NOTE LINKS:

Susannah Cahalan Website

Video of Susannah When Her Brain is On Fire

Rachel's List- Fourteen Incredible Memoirs about Mental Illness and Addiction

Rachel's List- Four MORE Insightful Memoirs and Non-Fiction Books about Mental Illness and Addiction

The Angel and the Assassin by Donna Jackson Nakazawa

Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chobsky

I'm Telling the Truth, but I'm Lying: Essays by Bassey Ikpi

My Age of Anxiety by Scott Stossel

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Thank you! Your support means the world to me. Wishing you love, happiness, and good mental health always.

With over 5 million children in the U.S. with an incarcerated parent, Antoine Patton came up with a vital tech business while going to college behind bars. His daughter, Jay Jay was just three-years-old when he went to jail six hours away for gun possession. Jay Jay's mom became a single parent raising two children on her own and couldn't afford to take her kids to visit their dad. The letters and photos Antoine relied on getting from his family to keep communication and a bond alive were costly to print and send and there was always a delay.

Antoine enrolled in the Bard Prison Initiative and was able to get a liberal arts college education, an opportunity he didn't have growing up in Buffalo, New York. He learned how to code on his own before being released in 2014. With the help of his cousin, he launched the Photopatch Foundation, a non-profit, so inmates could stay in touch with their children without putting any additional financial burden on them, sending close to a million photos.

Wanting to spend as much time with Antoine as possible now that he was in her life, Jay Jay learned how to code from her dad. She launched a Photopatch mobile app, making it easier and more accessible for kids like her to send letters and photos to their parents. At just fifteen-years-old, Jay Jay was just named one of Teen Vogue's 21 Under 21 this year for changing the world by teaching hundreds of kids the fundamentals of coding, a business she continues to run and fundraise with her dad.

Jay Jay and Antoine Patton understand the importance of keeping the family connected and stopping people from being incarcerated again by developing tight family bonds that turn into safety nets through communication. Together they continue to help others better their lives by not allowing a financial deterrent to get in the way of learning. Their coding lessons are affordable and accessible to all communities, especially people of color who may lack exposure. You are going to absolutely love this most dynamic father/daughter duo who will make you feel so incredibly inspired, hopeful, and proud, and remember the importance of second chances.

SHOW NOTE LINKS:

Photo Patch Foundation

Bard Prison Initiative

Jay Jay Patton on Instagram

Antoine Patton on Instagram

Antoine Patton on Facebook

Unlock Academy

Jay Jay in Teen Vogue with photo by Vikki Law

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I was excited to give my first mental wellness presentation Zoom lesson to middle schoolers since the pandemic started. I'd presented to high schoolers, parents, teachers, and staff virtually before, but this was different. My new audience was made up of a classroom of impressionable 8th graders joining me during their health class period. Thirty-two students from a charter school in Los Angeles would watch me present from their home computers, unable to have let off steam during recess, unable to socialize and run around with their friends.

My goal that October 2020 morning was to rid the shame and stigma against mental illness. My intention was to spread love and compassion by sharing my family's stories to make the presentation more meaningful and to help the students find their own connections. I was there to educate them with correct vocabulary, show them warning signs and red flags to look out for while offering resources and most importantly hope. Clearly, I had good intentions.

I had no idea how my act of kindness would backfire. Instead of being a positive influence and helpful, I was making a student, and possibly more, feel worse than before I began my presentation- not at all what I signed up for.

Listen to hear how my ego pushed me to go too far and what happened next.

SHOW NOTE LINKS:

Read- The Time My Mental Health Advocacy Backfired- on Invisible Illness

Adam Kallen, my brother on Dear Family, Episode #1- Success Story Overcoming Addiction, ADHD, and Homelessness

NAMI Ending the Silence

Dear Family Podcast- I'm Still a Failure and Still Proud of It

Write Now Rachel article- I'm Still a Failure and Still Proud of It

Write Now Rachel- original article in The Startup- I'm a Failure and Proud of It

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Thank you! Your support means the world to me. Wishing you love, happiness, and good mental health always.

Dani Klein Modisett is a comic who could not make her mom who had Alzheimer's laugh so she hired a professional to do it. It worked so well and changed her mom's life in such remarkable ways that she decided to launch Laughter on Call, a company that now helps people all around the globe. Her business also does corporate events like Zoom Happier Hours and kids' comedy classes.

Dani tapped into the value of laughter as medicine because she understood how shared laughter deepens connections. Considering many people are afraid to be around or at the very least uncomfortable with Alzheimer's, she trains her comics and the memory care specialists dealing with seniors on how to find those connections that are often made all the more difficult because Alzheimer's blurs mental and physical health.

Dani is a graduate of Dartmouth College studying theater and went on to work on Broadway for many years before moving West. She taught the art of stand-up comedy at UCLA for over a decade and has produced numerous live comedy shows all over the U.S. Her writing has appeared in The NY Times, The LA Times, AARP, Parents' Magazine, and dozens of websites. Her work addresses some of the biggest changes in a person's life—from marriage and parenting to caring for aging parents—and how humor can help.

Her positive, upbeat personality encourages everyone who comes in contact with her. She lives in Atwater Village with her husband, two teenage sons, and Pepe, the dog.

SHOW NOTE LINKS:

Laughter On Call

Dani Klein Modisett on Instagram

Laughter on Call Instagram

John Lehr's Dear Family, Episode- Geico's Caveman and Cold Sober Comedy- The Fine Line Between Pain and Humor

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Thank you! Your support means the world to me. Wishing you love, happiness, and good mental health always.

Last year, as we celebrated not just a new year but a new decade, we never could have predicted just how tumultuous and life-changing 2020 would be. We never could have conceived or truly understood what we were about to be in for:

2020 has taken a lot out of us. It will undoubtedly go down in the history books as a year full of unprecedented unpredictability and uncertainty, a year that felt more like a decade.

As we look forward to 2021 with the promise of effective vaccines to eradicate Covid-19, we can acknowledge all we have lost while also appreciating what we gained. Instead of seeing 2020 as the worst year ever, what if we choose to see it as a true reset, a time not wasted but rather gained? What if we come out of 2020 all the wiser with priceless insight to bring into not just the new year but over our lifetime?

I took an informal poll with dear family and friends to get multiple perspectives on whether 2020 felt like it was all but a waste. I asked the same three questions I'd been reflecting on:

1. Don't take anything for granted, count your blessings, and be content with what we already have.
2. We need so much less than we thought.
3. Our mental health is just as important as our physical health.
4. Essential workers are true heroes.
5. Freedom is not free and social justice reform and equality are still necessary to fight for.
6. Many appreciated the time gained from not having to commute but it was hard to balance work-life separation and balance.
7. Nature is healing and with the decrease in air and car travel, mother nature had a chance to heal and breathe.
8. The importance of being flexible and letting go.
9. The forced slow down is a better change of pace than being on a frenetic hamster wheel.
10. Self-care should be a priority and it's not selfish.
11. There is a pandemic of loneliness but social distance doesn't mean social isolation and alone doesn't have to mean lonely.
12. The importance of hygiene, which begs the question- what were people doing before Covid-19?
13. Hug your children tight and let them know how much you love them. When we finally get to hug our family and friends, keep expressing your love.
14. Home can and should be a refuge. Be it ever so humble, there's no place like home.
15. We've been able to connect through technology like never before, creating many new traditions, like Zoom holidays and "Girls Night In/Cocktail Hours."
16. We need to be kinder and more patient and see everyone as a unique person living in a unique time and space and honor that.
17. The acceleration of income inequality is something to note and work towards changing.
18. This pandemic has taught us how interconnected we all are.

It's always darkest before dawn. In the spring of 2021, when the days become longer, flower buds begin to sprout, and the vaccines are rolled out to a wider population, I have to believe our gratitude will amplify the sweetness of the light until we reach the day when the threat of the pandemic is in the past. Until then, let's consider another cliche that takes on new meaning. Hindsight is 2020 becomes a reflection on what is most important in life, something that only a massive, once-in-a-lifetime collective lived-experience that shifted all of our perspectives could teach us.

Wishing you love, happiness, good mental health, Happy Holidays, and a Happy New Year. May 2021 bring you all your heart desires.

SHOW NOTE LINKS:

Corresponding Article- What 2020 Taught Us by Rachel with Fabulous Images

Cover by Artist, Paula Noah- Self-Portrait, 2020

Dr. David Steinman on the Dear Family, Podcast- Just Relax

GUEST LINKS:

Dedan Bruner:

On Fathering

On Fathering Instagram

Dad Genes Podcast on Instagram

On Fathering on Facebook

Dad Genes Podcast on Facebook

Julie Lieberman Neale:

A Special Mother's Quest Podcast Episode- Choose Yourself

Brit Bronson:

spaceMVMNT

Brit's Instagram

Steve Seidel:

Steve on Twitter

Steve on Instagram

Noah Kirshbaum:

Noah's Instagram

Laurin Mayer:

Laurin's Instagram

Kim Thalkin:

Love First- Where Life Transformations Happen

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Thank you! Your support means the world to me. Wishing you love, happiness, and good mental health always.

Nell Dardie and Tish Granville are Twinpowerment- identical twin sisters who empower others to get past trauma. They're both licensed professional clinical counselors in the state of Ohio where they practice. They specialize in the treatment of most clinical disorders mainly focusing on trauma and inner child wounds.

They treat depression, anxiety, eating disorders, substance abuse, anger. They discuss how therapy is seen in the Black Community, the benefits of faith-based therapy, the study of epigenetics, our family origin stories, and so much more.

You'll be fascinated to learn how trauma roots in our body and how we need to use our five senses to root it out. Their somatic holding videos on their Twinpowerment Instagram and TikTok channels have gained them a loyal following.

Nell, a former teacher, is married with a five-year-old daughter. Her twin, Tish is married with two boys. They love crafting, practicing self-care, and healing through nature.

Nell Dardie & Tish Granville of Twinpowerment Email

Twinpowerment on Facebook

Twinpowerment on Instagram

Oona Hanson on Dear Family- Parent Coach Discusses Diet Culture and Teaching Kids Practical Life Skills

Dr. David Steinman on Dear Family- Just Relax- All Natural Stress Relief for Trauma

Adam Frankel on Dear Family- Discussing Intergenerational Wounds and Post-Traumatic Slavery Syndrome

It Didn't Start With You- How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle by Mark Wolynn

Peter Levine on the Somatic Experiencing Trauma Institute

Heidi Hanson on the Art of Trauma Healing

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Thank you! Your support means the world to me. Wishing you love, happiness, and good mental health always.

Heather Vickery grew up with very conservative Republican parents. When she came out of the closet after a decade-long marriage, she became a single mom with four daughters. She also unearthed her authentic self and began a transformational journey to create the life she always wanted by being brave.

Heather took her award-winning Chicago-based event-planning business and her global leadership with over 20 years as an entrepreneur and leveregaed it to become a success and leadership coach. She guides individuals towards greater personal and professional fulfillment by helping them turn their fear into intentional bravery. Heather says "When we choose bravely, on purpose, we choose bigger, have bigger successes and it's contagious." A celebrated public speaker, Heather inspires audiences and empowers attendees with the tools they need to live bold and successful lives through creating balance, time management, mindfulness, as well as countless systems, strategies, and boundaries.

She's the author of Gratitude Journal: Shift Your Focus and Grow Grateful: A Gratitude Journal for Kids and Families. Heather is also the host and executive producer of The Brave Files Podcast. You can't help but be moved to be brave.

SHOW NOTE LINKS:

Heather Vickery Website

The Brave Files Podcast

The Brave Method Workshop

Brave On Purpose- Facebook

Heather Vickery on Instagram

Rachel's Essay- Divorced Parents Don't Have to Suck

Listen and Subscribe to Molly Sierra on YouTube

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Thank you! Your support means the world to me. Wishing you love, happiness, and good mental health always.

Gabe Howard refers to himself as a literal red-headed step-child because he was adopted by his mom's second husband after his father abandoned him when he was just a baby. His childhood was fraught with depression, anxiety, mood swings, and suicidal ideation because of his yet-to-be diagnosed mental illness.

In 2003, when Gabe was committed to the psychiatric hospital at 25 years old, he weighed 550 pounds, was delusional, suicidal, and had just come off a manic phase that lasted about a year. His first wife had left him and he'd rented an apartment to carry out his suicidal plan because, in his words, he "didn't want to stigmatize the house he owned and lower its resale value." It was in the psychiatric hospital that he finally received the proper diagnosis of bipolar disorder.

Now in recovery, Gabe is a prominent mental health activist who makes mental illness less scary with his entertaining articles like "Anxiety Says Everyone Hates Me" and "I Have Bipolar and I'm a Hypocrite." He's also a national speaker and the author of Mental Illness is an Asshole and Other Observations. Gabe hosts two different podcasts- the award-winning Psych Central Podcast and another called, Not Crazy, a podcast he co-hosts with his ex-wife. He's proud to be a 2017 Everyday Hero, an honor given to him in a proclamation by Governor John Kasich of Ohio.

Gabe makes his home in Central Ohio with his wife, Kendall and a mini-schnauzer he never wanted but now can't live without.

SHOW NOTE LINKS:

Gabe Howard's Website

Gabe Howard's Podcasts

Rachel Steinman on Gabe's Psych Central Podcast- Not Crazy

Gabe Howard on Instagram

Dear Family, Podcast with Andy Behrman- Electroboy Bipolar Sensory Overload

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Thank you! Your support means the world to me. Wishing you love, happiness, and good mental health always.

Nina Cudney is a certified sex coach, speaker, and writer on mental health and sexuality. She also writes erotica and sex toy reviews. She's unfiltered, unashamed, and willing to show how completely imperfect she is which allows her clients to open up and have the important uncomfortable conversations surrounding sex and sexuality. The shame and guilt that can come from body image issues, religious beliefs, media images, past trauma, and toxic messages are replaced with radical self-acceptance to live authentically, especially in intimate relationships.

Our mental health and sexuality are closely related. Nina shines a light on the most taboo aspects of being human that our culture continues to perpetuate. Her non-judgment and open-mindedness come from decades of dealing with her own emotionally paralyzing intrusive thoughts from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder that began in her childhood. Years of therapy, the right medication, and compassion for herself have helped her get past the fear and embarrassment surrounding her OCD allowing her to be fearless when she speaks unabashedly open about sex while getting others to do the same.

You will appreciate the practical advice Nina offers to kindle and rekindle any relationship and to increase self-esteem in the bedroom and beyond because sexy is an attitude. You will love how she opens up and tells for the very first time a truly personal family story about the immense impact her parents' divorce had on her as an adult and the happy ending with her officiating their wedding years later.

Nina lives in Connecticut with her husband and two children and absolutely loves what she does for a living. Anyone who is lucky enough to get real with Nina knows that the uncomfortable conversations she may push you to have will give you the courage to not only find pleasure but happiness.

SHOW NOTE LINKS:

Real Talk with Nina -Website

Nina Cudney- Real Talk on Facebook

Nina Cudney- Real Talk on Instagram

Dear Family, Episode-Rena Sofer Remarries her X-Husband

Dear Family, Episode- Rachel Winter on her Adult Parents Divorce

Dear Family, Episode- Condom with a Conversation- Sex and Consent- Teen Owned Business

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Thank you! Your support means the world to me. Wishing you love, happiness, and good mental health always.